2 nights ago, before Barney and Norma's first day on the job

Charlie and Vaggie were sound asleep in their bed, when the sounds of something scratching on the bedroom door and a person shouting woke them up.

"What's with all that noise outside our door?" Charlie asked with a yawn as they both sat up.

"I'll go check it out." Vaggie got out of bed and grabbed her spear just in case she would need it. "Stay here."

Charlie grabbed her girlfriend's hand. "Please be careful."

Vaggie smiled at her through the darkness as she caressed her knuckles with her thumb. "I will. Don't worry." And with a quick kiss of the demon princess' hand, she crept towards the door, spear ready. She put an ear to the door to try and listen to what was going on outside, hearing what sounded like a parent scolding their child. She opened it to see the blue-haired human teenager who they recently hired as a groundskeeper, walking down the hall holding a small animal in his arms. "Hey!"

The teenager turned around, revealing the animal he was holding was a pug. "Oh, hey! Sorry if we woke you. Pugsley wanted to do some exploring. Uh, cool spear by the way. Where'd you get it?"

Vaggie lowered her spear. "You aren't even supposed to be back here until tomorrow. Go home."

"Well, I would, but I don't really… feel safe there at the moment."

"Well, there are other options. You know, places that aren't here. Don't you have any friends or relatives you can stay with?"

"Well, there's Norma, but I don't think her mom would be too crazy about some random boy she doesn't know that well crashing on her couch. Plus, most of my relatives… aren't really too understanding. So I thought I'd try living here."

Charlie, who had also gotten out of bed, cut in with the utmost sympathy. "Of course you can live here!"

Vaggie balked. "Charlie!"

The demon princess put her hands on the teenager's shoulders. "You're welcome to stay for as long as you need."

"Thank you so much! I promise Pugsley and I won't be a burden."

Vaggie grabbed Charlie and pulled her away. "Excuse us for a minute." Whispering to make sure she wouldn't be overheard, Vaggie asked her girlfriend, "Charlie, are you sure about letting this human kid live here? At a resort hotel that's mostly populated by demons that could easily kill him and mostly not give two shits about it?"

"Come on, Vaggie. He doesn't have anywhere else to go."

"I don't know about that. I mean, there are halfway houses, motels, and plenty of other places on Earth that aren't chock full of occult bullshit."

"We let some of our other employees live at the hotel."

"They're demons. He's a human."

"Which is more incentive to let him live here, because if he got to know all of us better, we would have more success in reaching our goal!"

"Your goal. And we still don't know if we're really doing the right thing with this resort. I mean, the only people we really see coming here are humans, and when they find out the true nature of this place and us, well..."

Charlie cupped her girlfriend's chin and tilted her head forward to look her in the eye. "Vaggie. Trust me. Letting him live with us will be a good idea. You'll see."

Will it, though? "Well, if you're really sure about this… I guess we can let him stay for at least a few days."

"Great! Let's go tell him the good news." And Charlie stepped out to do just that, Vaggie following close behind. "Hey, Barney!"

"Yeah?"

Vaggie drew in a deep breath. "Okay, so, we've talked about it, and–"

Charlie interrupted with a cheerful "You can stay!"

Barney smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, you can stay," Vaggie confirmed. "But your dog can't. You'll have to find somewhere else to keep it. Leave it with a friend or something."

"Pugsley insisted on coming with me, though. It wouldn't really be fair to leave him behind again. Besides, I don't want him to miss me." The pug licked his owner's cheek.

"The Happy Hazbins Resort has a strict no-pets policy. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."

"Come on! He won't be any trouble, I promise!"

Charlie touched Vaggie's shoulder. "Come on, Vaggie. We let Angel keep his pet pig Fat Nuggets here."

"Fat Nuggets is an emotional support pig, Charlie. That's what Angel says, anyway."

"Who's Angel?" Barney asked.

"He's the late-night entertainer, and just because he has an emotional support animal we let him keep here, that doesn't mean you can keep your dog here."

Barney and his dog both stared at her with big, sad puppy-dog eyes.

"That's not gonna work on me."

She turned her head to see Charlie also staring at her with the same eyes, clasping her hands in front of her chest.

"Alright, fine! The dog can stay too."

"Yes! You hear that, Pugsley?"

"But, you'll still be responsible for cleaning up after him and keeping him on a leash while on yard duty. And the second Pugsley gets into any kind of trouble, he's out of here."

"Don't worry, Ms. Vaggie. We'll be good. Won't we, boy?"

"Now let's all go back to bed," Charlie said. "We've got a busy day tomorrow." She and Vaggie both did just that.

This morning

"Now do you understand why opening the portal to let unauthorized demon royalty into the Neutral Plane is wrong?" Charlie asked Courtney while the employees were all having breakfast in the breakfast bar near the lobby.

Courtney sat boredly picking at the slop on her plate. "Yes, your highness."

"Thank you."

Barney suddenly ran in with Pugsley in his arms. "Guys! You're not gonna believe this! Pugsley talked last night!"

"That's nice, Barney."

"No, really! Say something, Pugs."

"Hello."

Everyone stared at Pugsley with wide eyes. Vaggie looked about ready to spit out the coffee she was drinking. "Did the dog just talk? Like, actually fucking talk?"

"I did. I think I remember how to from when that bad man was in my body. I remember everything."

"How did this even happen?"

"I don't care how it happened," Barney replied while squeezing the pug in a tight hug. "All that matters is he can talk now, and I'm gonna give him the life that I never got to have growing up!"

"That's great, Barney," Charlie said, clearly trying and failing to keep the discomfort out of her voice. "I… hope you two have fun."

Then Norma came into the lobby with a smile. "Good morning, resort crew! What's on the agenda today? Have any demons or angels checked into the hotel yet?"

"Oh! Good morning, Norma. No, not yet. Check-in doesn't start 'til 10:30."

Barney whirled around to face her. "Norma! Pugsley can talk now!"

"Really?"

"Really!" Pugsley said.

"Oh my ghost, that's amazing! I guess getting possessed by that demon king must've rewired his doggy brain or something."

Courtney laughed with her mouth full. "Yeah. Maybe. Freckles also wants to take the dog out on a father-son date or something, which made Charlie super uncomfortable–"

"Courtney," Vaggie warned.

"Right, right! Shutting up now! You won't hear anything else from me." And she shoveled another big spoonful of food into her mouth.

"Hey, Courtney," Charlie said. "Why don't you take Norma, Barney, and Pugsley on a tour of the resort? That should be fun, right?"

Courtney swallowed. "Yeah, I guess I can do that." She jumped down from her seat. "C'mon, fleshbags. Let's get you shown around."

"Will we be seeing Phoenix Park?" Norma asked. "I wanna see how it looks after it's been reopened."

"Of course! I'll show you every inch of this whole place."

"Oh boy! I'd love to see every inch of the resort!" Pugsley piped up as his little tail wagged incessantly. "Can we go now, Barney? Can we?"

Barney laughed and scratched his pug behind the ears. "Of course we can!"

Courtney grabbed Norma and Barney's hands. "We'll be back later." And they all teleported outside.

Charlie and Vaggie both made their way to their bedroom, Vaggie closing the door to give themselves as much privacy as possible.

"So, I take it you haven't heard from your parents lately?" the angel gently pressed as she sat down on the bed next to her girlfriend.

"I talked to Dad last week," Charlie answered, petting her demon cat KeeKee who had jumped into her lap for some snuggles, "but that was just to ask if I could attend a meeting with the other six Deadly Sins while he was busy with something more important."

"And what about your mom?"

"She's doing some very important work up in the Heavenly Planes."

"Still? How long has it been exactly?"

"About… seven… Hell years."

"Oof." Vaggie blew her hair out of her face. "That long, huh?"

Then there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." Vaggie got up and opened the door to see Blitzø standing there with a big grin on his face.

"Hey-yo! Vagatha Christie! What's happenin', girl?"

"You know, you can just call me Vaggie."

"I don't care!" he replied in the same chipper tone he greeted her in. "Is Charlie in?"

"Yes," Charlie answered from her spot on the bed.

"Great! We've got something to show you guys in the lobby! Come on!"

Charlie and Vaggie went to see what the imp had to show them. "It had better be good," Vaggie told him.

"Oh, don't worry, I swear it's the best thing you'll ever see."

"No offense, Blitz," Charlie began, trying to pick her words carefully so as not to upset him, "but every time you say that, whatever you've worked on kinda… doesn't really live up to expectations."

"Understatement of the millennium," Vaggie replied.

"What? Come on! Everything I've worked on has always been fantastic. Don't lie, Vaggie, you know it."

They made it to the lobby, where Moxxie and Millie were wheeling in a box TV set on a cart.

"Alright," Blitzø said as Charlie and Vaggie took their seats on the couch next to Stolas and Fingers, an angel who took the form of a giant, seemingly endless right arm wearing a dark purple tuxedo sleeve, his mustached face located in the palm of his massive white hand. "Get your pussies ready for the greatest commercial you've ever seen!"

Blitzø turned on the TV, and the screen flashed with the image of the splotchy-skinned imp sitting at the front desk of the resort's check-in.

"Hi," the Blitzø on the TV greeted. "Are you an angel or demon looking for a place in the Neutral Plane to stay at and relax for some reason because you're a boring jackass who wants to take a vacation in the Multiplane's most boring Plane? Then come over to the Happy Hazbins Resort!" The words Hapee Hazbinz Rizort were crudely superimposed over the video in Comic Sans. "The only place in the Neutral Plane where supernatural beings are encouraged to stay as long as they damn well please!"

The next clip showed a photo of Charlie flossing her teeth in front of her bathroom mirror. When had Blitzø even taken that? "Founded and run by Charlie Morningstar, Lucifer's daughter and renowned airhead, the Happy Hazbins Resort was erected to push humans, demons, and angels to put their metric fuck-tons of differences aside and play nice with each other, because Hell's princess thinks she can get everyone across all seventeen Planes to get along and sing kumbaya just by hoping hard enough."

Well, that's a bit harsh.

Then there was an image of the resort's pool followed by an uncomfortably long video of Moxxie and Millie making out in one of the lava pools at the spa. "We've got a pool with a waterslide, a spa with a jacuzzi, as well as some lava pools if you demons out there really wanna unwind," a clip of Husk, a winged cat demon with white, red, and black fur, boredly standing behind the bar drinking a bottle of whiskey, an arrow pointing to him with the text SERVS BEER, "a nightclub with a bar," a clip of Angel Dust, a spider demon with a pink and white color scheme, dancing around one of the poles and giving the audience the middle finger with two of his four hands, an arrow pointing to him with the text SERVS LUKS, "where you just might get to see the illustrious and sexy Angel Dust do his thang," an image of a view down the corridor that held the rec room and the elevator portal, "a rec room situated across our very own interplanal portal which Charlie says isn't supposed to be active," an image of the kitchen of one of the resort's restaurants, "some restaurants that make pretty decent Earth food," a clip of Stolas watering the plants in the resort's garden, "a big-ass garden full of exotic plants," a clip of Niffty, a tiny cyclops demon with her red hair in a short bob, frantically dusting the walls and furniture of the lobby. "a fancy hotel with twenty-four-hour housekeeping," an image of the front gate of Phoenix Park, "and of course, who can forget the theme park right next to the hotel which is modeled after some human movie star lady?"

There was another video of Blitzø, Loona, Moxxie, and Millie standing in front of the hotel's front doors, Millie smiling and Moxxie and Loona looking like they'd rather be anywhere else. "All this and more at the Happy Hazbins Resort!" Blitzø said. "Come over and give us your money!"

"So? What'd you guys think?" Blitzø asked after it was finished. "Be honest! I'm all for constructive feedback."

Vaggie blinked in disbelief before saying, "I'm sorry, but what the fuck was that?"

"That was our new commercial for the resort! You said we needed some more commercials to bring in more supernatural clientele."

"Well, Blitz, it's just that…" Be nice, Charlie. He's probably been working really hard on this. "I don't know, maybe the tone might be a little… off?"

"I believe the word you're looking for is bad, Miss Charlotte," Fingers replied.

"Now, now, Fingers!" Stolas said. "I wouldn't say–"

"Bad?! Bad?!" Blitzø sputtered. "Really?! Do you have any idea how hard we've worked on this?!"

"Not nearly hard enough," Moxxie uttered under his breath.

"But it was kinda fun!" Millie said.

"It was quite fun to watch as well!" Charlie and Vaggie looked over to see Alastor sitting next to them. "It was hilarious! A gut-busting spectacle if I'd ever seen one!"

"You liked it, Alastor?" Charlie asked. "I didn't even know you were interested in TV."

"Oh, heavens no! Everyone knows that radio is the proper medium to express oneself," Alastor gestured to the TV with his cane/microphone, "but you insisted on using this bright, noisy picture box to advertise your wares. Besides, what could be more entertaining than watching your plans for this place crash and burn! That's the whole reason I came aboard as your maintenance manager after all, so I could watch the proverbial fireworks of your inevitable failure up close. And I think this commercial would be just the thing to help speed up the process."

"We don't want to fail, though," Vaggie countered. "Charlie wants to succeed in her plans for bringing about peace across the Multiplane, and I want to help her make her dreams a reality."

"Well, dear, I should say reality doesn't care about people's dreams, no matter how powerful said people are. Humans, demons and angels are all fundamentally completely different creatures, demons and angels especially when compared to each other. Angels represent order whereas demons represent unbridled chaos. Put an angel and a demon in the same room, and it's a recipe for some high-quality entertainment!" The radio demon let out a cackle.

Vaggie grit her teeth. "I'll never understand why you agreed to let him come here," she whispered to Charlie.

"We needed all the help we could get. Besides, he was the first one to reach out."

"That doesn't mean we couldn't go with anyone else."

"What're you whispering about?" Blitzø asked. "If you thought my commercial was so dog shit, then why don't you try making your own, see how yours ends up being?"

"Maybe we will," Vaggie answered.

"Yeah! That's a great idea!" Charlie piped up as cheerful as ever. "We can work together with some of our employees to make a new commercial for the resort, one that'll touch the hearts, or whatever some beings might have, of billions across the Multiplane! We'll get hundreds of angels and demons wanting to come here!"

Moxxie smiled as he straightened his bowtie. "All right. I should consider this an opportunity to redeem myself in the art of advertisement. As a matter of fact, I've already written a script!"

"Which I said was ass!" Blitzø added.

Both Moxxie and Millie shot a glare at him, and Moxxie took out a copy he had on him. "Here, princess. Read it for yourself and tell me what you think."

Charlie took it and read it over. "Wow, Moxxie! This is really good! It's a little long, but we can shorten this to the appropriate length, and maybe if it does well, we can film the full one to air during special events."

"Why, thank you!"

"Alright!" Vaggie said. "Let's make a fucking commercial! Does anyone have a camera?"

With a snap of Alastor's fingers, a 1920's-style photo camera manifested in Vaggie's hands.

"A video camera?"

"I've got it, Vagiel." Fingers snapped his namesake, and the camera Alastor manifested was replaced by a more modern video camera. "Please do be careful with it. It's a very delicate piece of equipment."

"I will, Fingers. And, please, just call me Vaggie."

Courtney and the newest employees of the resort teleported outside by the pool area.

"What just happened?" Norma asked as she shook her head.

"I teleported you guys outside so we could do the tour. Anyway, this is the pool." She began gesturing to the things around them. "There's a waterslide right there. Over there's the spa. We've got a jacuzzi for our human guests, and lava pools for our supernatural guests."

"Hey, Courtney. Who are your friends?" They were approached by a young man about Barney's age with short, dark hair which was bleached blond in the front. His skin was gorgeously tanned, and his muscles rippled underneath the lifeguard t-shirt and swim shorts he was wearing. This was just about the most handsome man Barney had ever seen in his life.

"Oh, hey, Logs. These are the resort's freshest pieces of meat. The big one with the blue hair and freckles is Barney, and the smaller one with the eyebrows is Norma."

"And I'm Pugsley!" the talking pug piped up.

He held out a hand for Barney to shake, which he readily accepted. "Nice to meet you. I'm Logan. Logan Nguyen. But everybody calls me Logs. Don't know why."

"I'm Barney! Uh, but Courtney probably already told you. So, you're the lifeguard?"

"Yeah, but I'm on break right now. So, what do you do?"

"Oh, you know, I travel, I exercise, I'm a foodie."

"I mean at the resort."

"Oh! I'm a groundskeeper. I keep the grounds around here. Heh heh."

"And I'm the newest bellhop at the hotel," Norma said. "Courtney's taking us on a tour of the resort."

"And I know how to talk now!" Pugsley added. "So Barney's taking me on a father-son date to give me the childhood he never–"

Barney covered the pug's mouth. "Anyway! What does being a lifeguard involve?"

"Oh, y'know, mostly just sitting up on the lifeguard chair, keeping watch over the pool to make sure no one's breaking the rules, occasionally jumping in to save someone from drowning."

Barney practically drooled at the thought of Logan without a shirt on, holding someone over the shoulder as he saved their life, the sun reflecting off of his wet, sexy muscles as he climbed out of the pool… Then he felt his pant leg being tugged.

"Barney?"

"Huh?"

Pugsley pointed in the direction of Courtney and Norma, who were now looking at some pools of lava. "Courtney's continuing the tour. They've moved on to the lava pools."

"Oh! Right! The tour!" Barney picked up Pugsley under his shoulder before heading off. "I'll see you later, Logan."

"See ya!"

Courtney gave the two humans and the dog the rundown of the lava pools, which were in a small cluster a few feet away from the pool and jacuzzi. "So yeah. Even the weakest supernatural beings are immune to most stuff that could easily kill a human, like fire, or in this case, lava." They stuck a hand in. "To us, lava just feels like really hot water. Lots of us find it relaxing." He took it back out and let the lava run off and back into the pool. "I know Moxxie and Millie like to sit in the lava sometimes. I've even seen them making out on occasion."

Out of the corner of her eye, Courtney saw what looked like a humanoid figure watching them in the distance. When she turned her head to get a better look, the figure disappeared. Huh. Wonder what that was about.

"That's very interesting," Norma said with a big smile on her face, which quickly turned red and her smile disappeared as she realized what she accidentally implied. "...The supernatural beings being immune to fire thing, not the Moxxie and Millie making out thing." Then the smile came back after she corrected herself. "Anyway, when can we get to Phoenix Park? I mean, that can wait. I don't mind hearing more about supernatural stuff."

Courtney laughed. "I mean, there's no reason you can't listen to me exposition dump about supernatural junk over there. Plus, there are other stops on our tour than just Phoenix Park."

"Can we go to Phoenix Park?" Pugsley asked. "I wanna ride some rides and play carnival games like a person!"

"Of course we can!" Barney replied as he scratched his pug behind the ears. "Anything you want, buddy."

"Are you a night owl or nocturnal demon lookin' for a good time?" Husk flatly read off the script in his hands as he stood behind the bar at the resort's nightclub. "Then stop by the nightclub to have a drink or dance for a while."

"Cut!" Charlie interrupted. "Husk, do you think you could say that line with a little more emotion?"

"And make sure it isn't so obvious that you're reading off a script," Vaggie added.

"What, you think I'm a professional actor or somethin'? I can't memorize a script for shit!"

"I'm jus' sayin', you guys shoulda gone wit' my idea instead," Angel Dust said from the barstool he was sitting on while sipping a mojito.

"And what might that be, Angel?" Charlie asked.

"Okay, hear me out. I suggest that me an' all the male staff a' the resort have a great big orgy!"

Alastor let out a cackle, then deadpanned, "Never gonna happen."

"For once, I have to agree with Alastor," Vaggie said. "We are not filming an orgy to promote the resort."

"Angel," Charlie began. "While we… appreciate your suggestion, I don't feel comfortable exploiting any of our employees in that way."

"Hey. Sex sells, don't it? 'Sides, this body was made to be exploited. I've got the legs, the bod, the legs, the gag reflex, the legs, the chest fluff that everyone thinks is tits, oh-ho, the legs! Hey, quick question. If we've got a buncha powerful beings runnin' around this joint," he gestured to Charlie, Fingers, and Alastor, "then why don't any of 'em just make more angels an' demons come to the resort?"

"Well, while we could make people come here, Angel, we don't want to force anyone to," Charlie said. "We want people to make the choice themselves."

Husk scoffed. "You really think I'd be at this dump cleaning glasses an' serving drinks if Alastor wasn't forcing me?"

"I like being forced!" Niffty piped up.

"Keep that to yourself, Niff."

"Speaking of Alastor," the eponymous demon said, "might I ask why you're making me take part in this frivolous television commercial production when my skills aren't needed?"

"Consider it your punishment for what you did to Pugsley last night," Vaggie replied.

Alastor chuckled in amusement. "'Punishment.' And how pray tell do you suppose this is supposed to deter me from doing what I did a second time?"

Vaggie scowled and pointed the camera at him. "And over here we've got Alastor, the obnoxious, narcissistic piece of shit who–" She almost dropped the camera in alarm as the film suddenly became corrupted, Charlie immediately moving to help her catch it.

"I said to be careful with it!" Fingers cried.

Alastor chuckled again. "I wouldn't try that if I were you, my dear."

Vaggie sighed in relief when she saw that the camera wasn't broken. "You know what? Just get out of here. We'll figure out what to do with you later."

Alastor melted into shadow and slithered away.

"Okay, let's try that again," Charlie said, then she clapped the clapboard in her hands. "Action!"

Courtney and its tour guests headed over to the park entrance. "Alright, fleshbags. Here we are at the new Phoenix Park! Not really that different from the old one aside from Scare Square being torn down. Charlie apparently thought it was 'playing into demon stereotypes' or something."

"And what sorts of stereotypes are there about demons?" Norma asked.

"Oh, you know, the usual stuff. 'Oh! Demons are all bloodthirsty, savage monsters that are nothing but pure evil!' But that's not true at all. Demons and angels might be different in their general visual aesthetics, but they're just as morally diverse as humans."

"That's pretty cool, I guess," Barney said.

"Can we go on some rides now?" Pugsley asked. "Or play some games?"

"You guys wanna play some games?" They were approached by Badyah, who was wearing her usual yellow hijab. She adjusted her glasses. "I recommend the Martian Shootout over at Luna Lookout. It's a great laser-tag-type game where you shoot Martians in this dimly-lit room designed to look like the surface of Mars."

"Based on the film Martian Rodeo where Pauline Phoenix played an alien sheriff from Saturn for like, four scenes?" Norma asked.

Badyah blinked. "Yeah. Lots of people don't initially know that. How did you?"

"I've been to the park with my family tons of times before it shut down. I know basically everything there is to know about it."

"I'm taking the new guys on a tour of the resort, Badyah," Courtney said. "These are Barney, Norma, and the dog's Pugsley."

"Hello! I just learned to talk after a mean demon king possessed me last night!"

Badyah sneezed. "Well, pets aren't really allowed at Phoenix Park unless they're trained service animals," a sniffle, "but I think we can make an exception for dogs that gained sapience."

Pugsley wagged his tail. "So I get to play games with Barney?"

"Of course! Go right ahead!"

Barney ran right past the threshold with the pug in his arms, both of them cheering about spending the day having fun together at the park.

Badyah chuckled. "Well, those two seem excited."

"Yeah," Courtney said. "Barney wanted to do a father-son day with his dog now that he became sentient and junk." Then she saw the mysterious figure from the lava pools sneaking around by the food stands on Main Street.

"So what's the next stop on our tour?" Norma asked. "I wanna see some more supernatural stuff!"

"Don't you wanna come see the park?" Badyah asked.

"Courtney just said it's basically the same except for Scare Square being torn down. As someone who's already gone to Phoenix Park like a million times in the past, I wouldn't put it that high on my priorities list."

"Well, I do know that Stolas has a lot of funky Hell plants in the resort's garden," Courtney offered. "I'll ask if he'd be willing to let you look at 'em."

"As long as we don't do any more teleporting, I'm down for anything."

Charlie, Vaggie, Fingers, and Niffty were in one of the hotel's bedrooms, Niffty holding a feather duster.

"Okay, Niffty," Charlie said. "Your line is, 'Our luxury hotel has the cleanest rooms.' And… action!" She clapped the clapboard.

Vaggie rolled the camera, but instead of saying her line, Niffty just stared unblinking into the lens, lips parted, but without a single word or sound going past them.

Vaggie and Charlie looked at each other as they thought the same thing: Okay, that's creepy…

"Cut!"

Niffty immediately went back to her normal perky self as soon as Vaggie stopped filming. "So how'd I do?"

"Well…"

"My ladies, may I speak with the two of you for a moment?" Fingers asked.

"Excuse us, Niffty," Vaggie said as she and the princess both stood up straight to leave.

They followed Fingers until they reached the hotel's employee break room.

"What did you need from us, Fingers?" Charlie asked.

"I just wanted to say that I believe the effort you're going to in order to get people to come to your resort is… well, quite frankly, rather pointless."

"Why?"

"Because there's no reason to believe that erecting a resort to try and get humans, angels, and demons to put their differences and prejudices aside will actually work! How many guests have we even seen coming here in the past six Earth months since we've opened?"

"There were a few. Right, Vaggie? We've seen some people come here…" Charlie began to hesitate. "Humans for the most part… who… then get scared off when they find out the resort is being run by literal demons from Hell."

Fingers raised an eyebrow at Charlie, then turned his attention to Vaggie. "Vagiel. From one angel to another, surely, you don't honestly believe in this frivolous resort, do you?"

Vaggie looked at Charlie, then looked back at him. "You're right, Fingers. I don't."

Charlie gasped.

Vaggie took Charlie's hand in hers. "But I do believe in Charlie. I believe in her because I love her, and I care about supporting her dreams however I can." She smiled up at her. "And if Charlie really thinks this resort is worthwhile, then who am I to say no to her?"

Charlie smiled back.

"Very well. If you two want to continue with this… pet project of yours," Fingers turned to leave, "then I won't try to stop you."

Fingers slithered out of the break room and into the hall, passing the recreation room and the elevator which acted as a portal between the Planes. The elevator started to emit a green glow as its doors slowly opened, and out crawled the Angelic Punisher Kushiel on his four clawed legs. His gold armor glinted in the hallway light, and his mask covered his face except for his snaggle-toothed maw. His large, feathered wings were spread out at his sides.

"Kushiel! The Angelic Punisher! What brings you to the Neutral Plane?"

Kushiel lowered himself to a polite bow. "Apologies for the intrusion, sir, but your compliance shall be rewarded. We have sensed some illegal supernatural activity on this Plane."

Fingers swallowed a lump in his throat. "May I ask what kind of supernatural activity?"

"I do not know, exactly, unfortunately. But the being responsible shall be destroyed for their crimes."

Fingers' mind immediately went to Courtney, and how last night, they brought that horrid Temeluchus to the Neutral Plane to possess one of the new human employees who had just been hired. Now the red demon was in danger of being obliterated by the Heavenly Council!

"And how dangerous is this being? Would it be safe for an angel like myself to approach?"

"Our senses have indicated that this being is not dangerous, though I still recommend they be approached with caution."

"Ah, yes. Well. I'll certainly let you know if I find them so they can be brought to justice!" And he flew off in search of Courtney. When would that scoundrel learn?

Courtney and Norma walked around the resort as they made their way to the garden, Courtney pointing out various stops. "So over here are a bunch of restaurants and cafes, there's a nightclub where a famous pornstar from the Pride Plane works as a dancer, we've got a beach over there, a movie theater right there…"

"Courtney!"

"Oh, hey, Fingers. I was just taking the new guys on a tour of the resort. Have you met Norma?"

"There's no time for that now! Kushiel is here and he needs to have a word with you!"

Courtney shrunk in on themself. "Oh… Is it bad?"

"But of course it's bad! From what I've overheard from the lecture Princess Morningstar gave you this morning, last night you illegally opened the portal between the Planes to bring a demon king to the resort!"

"Wait, illegally?!" Norma exclaimed. "You mean last night's soirée broke the law?!"

"What? No! Pshh. No!"

"Dear human, did Courtney ever tell you what their job was on Earth before the resort was founded?"

"No."

"They were the guardian of the elevator which acts as a portal between the Planes of Existence, entrusted to make sure no demons would reach the Neutral Plane, what you call Earth, and wreak havoc. And I, as a high-ranking angel, was entrusted to make sure they didn't veer off their task." Fingers shook his head/hand. "I was truly foolish to let my guard down even for just one night. And now we're all going to pay the price! Courtney's going to be executed, and my boss in the topmost Plane will cut me off!"

Courtney put their hands up. "Hey, hey, relax, Fingers! We'll just tell Kushiel that Temeluchus was successfully defeated and he doesn't have anything else to worry about."

"And what about the dog Temeluchus possessed?"

"This is the best day of my life! Well, I threw up a few times from going on some of the rides, but I'm having so much fun!"

"I'm so glad, buddy! Come on, let's get a souvenir so we can always remember this special day." Barney and Pugsley walked paw-in-hand to the gift shop in Phoenix Park. There was a lot of different Pauline Phoenix themed merchandise on display inside; t-shirts, dolls, mugs, pretty much everything under the sun. Looking around, Barney saw the perfect gift for his newly-sentient dog.

"Look, Pugsley!" Barney took a red fez off a shelf stocked with them. "It's a fez. Do you like it?"

The pug sniffed at it and nodded. "Yes. It's a very good hat."

"All right!" Barney placed the fez on Pugsley's head. "Look at you, lookin' like a li'l intellectual!"

"I think this is the first present you've given me that wasn't meant to go in my mouth."

"You can do whatever you want with it, Pugsley. Do you still wanna be called Pugsley? You can choose a new name for yourself if you want. That's what I did."

"Why did you choose the name Barney anyway?"

"I really like dinosaurs."

Pugsley tapped a paw on his chin in thought, then settled on, "I still wanna be called Pugsley. I like it, because my favorite person in the world gave it to me."

"Aww, buddy!" Barney picked up his dog in a hug. "Let's go pay for that fez, okay?"

After Barney paid for the fez, he and Pugsley stepped out of the gift shop and saw what looked like a massive bird flying overhead.

"That's a big bird. I wonder where it's going."

Stolas and Blitzø sat outside on a stone bench in the resort's garden, the Goetia prince listening to the imp complain whilst sipping a cup of tea.

"Can you believe nobody liked my commercial pitch? My guys and I worked so hard on that thing! It took me forever to piece everything together!"

"Well, Blitz, perhaps you should have had someone who knows more about film production help you."

"That's Moxxie's thing, and all his suggestions sucked. I mean, pfff, if the princess of all of motherfuckin' Hell thinks his shit's worth putting on the screen, that's on her."

Then, suddenly, the angel Kushiel landed right in front of them, causing Stolas to spit out his tea onto an unfortunate Blitzø. "Ugh! Really?!"

"Hello, Kushiel!" Stolas greeted as he hastily tossed his assistant a handkerchief. "I know you've probably sensed some illegal supernatural activity in the Neutral Plane, but rest assured all legal issues regarding my granting Princess Morningstar access to my grimoire have been resolved."

"That is not what we are concerned about, Prince Stolas. I am here because we have sensed a being entering this Plane through illegal means. I have come here to ask if you might be interested in assisting me and The Great Divine's Right Hand."

"What kind of assistance do you need?" Blitzø asked as he finished wiping himself dry. "I'm pretty good with guns if you–"

"Silence, imp."

Blitzø flinched.

"With all due respect, Kushiel, I would appreciate it if you didn't talk to my assistant that way."

"Imps are among the lowest of demonkind, ranking only above hellhounds. I do not tolerate any lower demons speaking in my presence."

Courtney, Fingers, and Norma made their way to the resort's garden where they saw Kushiel flying to. "Heyyyy, Kushiel," Courtney began. "So, about the whole Temeluchus thing, he was actually successfully slayed last night, so…"

"I do not believe I know what you are talking about, red one."

Fingers breathed out a sigh of relief. "Alright. So then who was responsible for the illegal supernatural activity you sensed?"

"So yer one of the Watcher's latest would-be recruits." A human cowboy appeared out of nowhere and casually strolled up to the group of supernatural entities. "Demons, angels, I've danced with both. I plan to see how well you an' yer blue-haired friend dance."

"I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?" Norma asked.

"It's prob'ly some jabroni from the western-themed section of Phoenix Park." Courtney turned his attention to the cowboy. "You can drop the act, dude. We work at the resort too."

"You!" Kushiel exclaimed as he also turned to confront the cowboy. "You traveled to this Plane illegally!"

"I was sent here by the Watcher to challenge the souls who were recently recruited to see if they'll be a good fit fer his army. I've been wanderin' these parts searchin' for 'em all day."

"Enough of that! Your punishment is imminent!" Kushiel rose on his hind legs, and the legendary Dart of Nemesis manifested in his front claws, its glow almost too brilliant to look at directly. "Behold the Dart of Nemesis! Savor its touch, for it shall be the last thing you feel." And the next thing anyone knew, the Angelic Punisher impaled the cowboy clean through his midsection, the cowboy disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke.

"So that cowboy appearing here was what you sensed," Fingers mused as the smoke died down.

"It appears so, but he did not come to Earth from another Plane. I sense that he may have traveled through time. You have to be a very powerful magic user to do something like that."

"...Does this sort of thing usually happen around here?" Norma asked Courtney.

"No," Courtney answered. "I don't think we've ever had a time-traveling cowboy before."

"Well!" Stolas stood to his feet. "That was certainly a thrilling experience. What say we go inside and have some cake?" He and Blitzø headed off.

"Yeah, alright. I could go for something to eat." Courtney turned to go with them before it was stopped by Kushiel grabbing its tail.

"So, red one, what did you want to say about Temeluchus?"

Oh boy, here we go.

Charlie, Vaggie, Millie, and Moxxie sat together in the lobby, watching the footage that had been filmed so far on Charlie's laptop before Barney and Pugsley came in.

"Hey, guys!" Barney greeted. "We just got back from a great father-son day at Phoenix Park!"

"And I got a new hat!" Pugsley added.

"So what's going on here?"

"We're just working on our new commercial for the resort," Vaggie replied. "Okay, so what do we do with this?"

"I'm sure we can make this footage work," Charlie assured her. "We just need to fix some stuff in post."

"What does that mean exactly?" Vaggie whispered back.

"How do you not know what that means?" Moxxie asked.

"You weren't supposed to hear that!"

"I'm literally sitting in between you two. How was I not supposed to hear what you said?"

"I was whispering. To Charlie."

"Hey, what does that mean anyway?" Millie asked Moxxie.

"Yeah," Pugsley said. "What does that mean?"

"May I ask what's going on over here?" Stolas asked as he approached from behind.

"Oh! Hi, Stolas," Charlie greeted. "We're just trying to figure out how to piece the clips of our commercial together so they fit with our artistic vision."

"But the clips we were able to get aren't really commercial-worthy, if you get what I'm saying," Vaggie added.

"May I see for myself?"

Everyone moved aside to let the Goetia demon watch some of the footage, starting with the second take of Husk at the nightclub's bar. "You wanna have a good time at night 'r some shit, come over to the nightclub an' dance for a while or whatever." Then he watched the clip of Angel Dust pole-dancing, then a clip of Niffty blankly staring into the camera, then some footage of the lava spa.

"Hmm, yes, I see… Perhaps I could be of assistance."

"How so, your highness?" Moxxie asked.

Stolas opened his grimoire. "Like this, of course." Then, with a wave of his hand, everyone in the lobby was suddenly dressed in opulent formal wear, including Pugsley, who was wearing a tuxedo jacket and dress shirt along with his fez.

"Ah, fuck me," Blitzø groaned as he looked down at the tuxedo he was magically forced into. "Is the costume change really necessary?"

"Not really, my dear," Stolas said. "But it pays to look your best. Now, Princess Morningstar, let's go and make a commercial truly fit for a three-star resort!"

Charlie smiled brightly. "Yeah!"

Murdoch appeared back in the wasteland, and knelt down in front of the Watcher, who was sitting on a pile of jars full of souls. "Please! Gimme another shot! It wasn't a fair fight! There was a powerful angel with a dart made a' light an'–"

The Watcher held up a finger. "Now, now, Murdoch. If I gave you another shot, it wouldn't be fair to the others. You had your chance to face my newest recruits in battle while they're still alive, and you lost."

"C'mon! I didn't even get ta fight 'em! I only ran into one of 'em before that angel stabbed me!"

"Sorry, cowboy, but rules are rules." And with a snap of the Watcher's fingers, Murdoch's clothes, skin, muscle, and skeleton unraveled in that order, leaving his ghost behind. The Watcher picked up an empty jar from the pile and unscrewed the lid. "Now get back in your jar until it's time for the battle."

Grumbling, Murdoch did as he was told, and the Watcher screwed the lid back on. He set the jar back into his pile, and climbed down to have a better look at the other souls in his collection.

"All right, now which one of you should I pick next?"