The C Word
The last time she'd glanced at the clock, it'd been just past midnight. Now, it was nearing two— would she sleep at all? She hadn't gotten a full night of rest in three days, not that anyone would blame her.
Against her husband's wishes, she was still going into the office. The job never stops when you're the Secretary of State, not even for medical issues. Especially not when the Chinese were in town. Between the lunches, the photo ops, and the speeches in front of the White House, she'd checked for her test results in myMedStar.
Lying on her side, she blinked back tears. It was easier not to think about it while busy playing hostess to President Liu, but in the dark of their bedroom, she couldn't think of anything else.
Behind her, she felt the bed dip. While Henry settled himself in the middle of the mattress, nearly touching her back, she wondered if he'd been downstairs reading all this time. Lately, he'd been sleeping as little as her.
Beneath the covers, one of his hands landed on her waist. "Elizabeth?" He rubbed his thumb along her hipbone, just how she liked. Then, he nuzzled his nose into the side of her neck. "Goodnight, Baby." His breath was warm against her cheek.
Selfishly, she bit her bottom lip, deciding to stay quiet. She didn't want to talk tonight, at least not about this, so she pretended to be asleep. She knew that he believed it when the hand on her hip slid up to her breast. It took him a minute to find it, but she heard him suck in a breath once his fingers landed on the lump. She hadn't let him feel it since he'd first pointed it out two weeks ago while they were having sex. Surely, it'd killed the mood. With two fingers inside of her and one hand on her breast, he'd asked, "Honey, have you noticed this?"
On Wednesday, she has an appointment with an oncologist at the breast center. Henry, the ever-faithful Catholic that he is, was praying for good news, but after seeing the look on her primary's face, she wasn't so hopeful.
"Henry," she whispered.
Almost instantly, he pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry. I just…"
Hearing the way his voice cracked, she turned in his arms. "It's okay," she assured. She knew this was just as hard for him as it was for her. Reaching up, she palmed his cheek. When she realized that the skin beneath her hand was wet, she started to cry too. "I love you," she blurted out, burying her face against his chest.
He kissed the top of her head. "I love you so much, Elizabeth."
"What if…" The doctors had thrown the word around, but she hadn't let herself say it, not yet. "What if it's really cancer?"