I was stood in my room wearing my default shirt, jeans and hoodie.

Note to self: I am not buying any clothes today that fit under the categories of hoodie, boring jeans or…shirt with an animal on it.

I was a little excited, but still nervous, about Dana and our fashion trip. I was determined to make good on my promise and come away as Max 2.0 fashion-wise. Nothing extreme, but something that would look out of place in my pretty safe wardrobe. I looked at myself in the mirror and examined my face.

I hate those dumb freckles under my eyes. Guess I should thank my Irish ancestors for that.

I unwrapped the bandage I'd been wearing from my hand and dumped it in trash basket in the corner of my room. I looked at the scar on my palm and saw it was healing over.

One less thing to worry about I guess.

As was now a tradition, I opened up my journal and looked at my Max motivation page. I swore it was practically muscle memory. I could probably open up to the page with my eyes closed. I put my phone in my pocket before making sure I had my debit card on me. I still hadn't spent much of the money Dad gave me for my birthday but I didn't plan on blowing the rest of it on a shopping trip. I left my room and made my way to the parking lot.

Dana and Trevor were waiting by his car in the parking lot. They seemed to think kissing was a good way to pass the time. I approached them hoping they'd notice me. They didn't. I stood there and brushed my arm as they continued to make out. I finally cleared my throat. Dana opened her eyes and pulled away from Trevor.

"Shit. Hey, Max!" Dana said.

"Yo, Max," Trevor said with his arm around Dana. "How have you been, you know, with everything?"

"Hoping today will help. Thanks so much for taking Dana and I in," I said.

"No big deal," he replied.

"Also he'll be picking us up, won't you?" Dana said making googly eyes at Trevor.

"Yeah, yeah. Just give me plenty of warning okay, babe?"

"Will do," Dana said before turning to me. "You ready to go, Max?"

"Uh huh," I said. We all got in the car and drove into town.

Trevor dropped Dana I off outside the clothes store.

"Text me when you're finished. Have fun!" Trevor said after we got out. Dana gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks, Trevor. You too," she said.

"Thanks again, Trevor," I added.

"No problem, Max. See ya!" Trevor gave a quick wave as he drove off. I looked up at the store which had "BEST DRESSED CLOTHING STORE" written on a sign above the door.

"I don't remember this being here before I moved away," I said.

"It only opened a couple of years ago," Dana explained. "It's a cool store, we'll find you something for sure. Let's go!" Dana said as she opened the door. I followed her inside.

I was immedaitely stuck by how old fashioned the interior was. It looked small on the outside but was suprisingly big on the inside. There were racks of clothes everywhere. Behind the counter was a woman of about sixty, reading a magazine. She looked up at Dana and I as we walked in.

"Dana, darling," the woman said as she put her magazine down. "How are you?"

"I'm good, Mrs Thornton," Dana replied. Mrs Thorton than leaned to the side so she could see me.

"And who do we have here?" She asked.

"This is my friend, Max."

"Er, hi," I just said.

"Ethel Thornton. Lovely to meet you," she said with a smile.

"Max is looking to freshen up her wardrobe and I told her this was the best place," Dana said.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Dana. So what exactly did you have in mind?" Mrs Thornton asked. They both looked at me. I froze. I had no idea what I was specifically here for. If Dana hadn't invited me I would never have thought about my wardrobe.

"I guess just…something different. I don't even know what that is really. I'll know it if I see it, maybe" I said.

"She's in good hands, Mrs Thornton," said Dana. "But if we need a second opinion you will be our guide."

"It's really cool you take in used clothes," I said.

"Unfortunately it's out of necessity. Need all the ways I can to make money on this place. Damn Prescotts have been choking my business from the day it opened. Feel like I'm taking away clothes from people who could need them more," she said.

"You shouldn't think of it like that," I said.

"I might not have to for much longer. With everything that's happened I'll be surprised if that family has anything left at the end of it all. I'd be lying if I said they didn't have it coming. Just awful how it had to happen. That poor girl..." Mrs Thornton said. I immediately averted my eyes and pretended to sift through some clothes on a nearby rack. I saw Dana look at me from the corner of my eye.

"Did I say something?" I heard her say to Dana.

"No, it's okay," I said looking up. "You just have such an amazing selection I need to start looking now if I want to be done before you close," I said forcing a smile. Mrs Thornton smiled back.

"Well then I'll leave you both to it. I'm right here if you need anything," she said picking up her magazine. I took a look at the price tag on a shirt on the rack and my eyes widened. Dana caught my expression and chuckled.

"Want me to take to the second hand section?" She said with a knowing smile.

"Might be best," I said.

"Like I said, I've bought some stuff from that section and it's still cool," she said as she lead me across the room. She quickly glanced at Mrs Thornton and then talked in a hushed tone.

"Are you okay, Max?"

"Huh?"

"Just with Mrs Thornton talking about…" Dana trailed off.

"Oh, yeah, no. I'm fine. Besides I'm here to have fun and put all that aside," I said. Dana smiled at me. We reached the second hand section. A whole wall of dresses, shirts and pants.

"Ta da!" Dana said gesturing to the wall.

"Wowser," I said. "All of this is second hand?"

"Sure is," she said as she looked through a few hanging dresses. "You don't really wear dresses, do you?" Dana pointed out. I shook my head.

"I just…don't think I look good in them," I confessed.

"Don't be silly. When was the last time you wore one?"

"Um…Chloe's funeral," I said. Dana froze for a second.

"Shit, sorry. You know what, let's forget about dresses and-"

"No," I said cutting Dana off. "The old Max, never wore dresses unless she had to. Max 2.0 should at least try it," I looked through a few of them. "Just, maybe not one in black…"

Dana smiled at me.

"You got it, Max," Dana said as she joined me in looking through. There were all kinds of different styles. None of them lept out at me but I realised I was still comparing them to my old wardrobe.

Just forget what's come before, Max. Start fresh and pick something.

My hand landed on a blue dress which I pulled off the rack. It had a yellow floral pattern all over it. Dana saw me holding it. "You like that one?" she asked.

"Maybe," I said. Dana pulled a dress off the rack.

"How about this one?" she asked. I turned and saw she had picked out a lime green dress. I immediately grimaced without thinking, the colour really didn't speak to me. Dana chuckled at my reaction.

"That's a 'no' then," she said putting the dress back.

"God, I'm sorry, Dana. I didn't mean it like that…" I explained. Dana laughed.

"It's cool, Max. Just maybe say 'no' from here on out."

"Noted," I said. We both looked through for another minute. Dana picked out another dress. A bright pink one.

"Um, no, Dana. Sorry."

"So nothing bright then?" Dana asked.

"I do like the colour. I don't know, I guess it's just…I've never been someone who wanted to stand out," I confessed. Dana looked at me.

"Don't be afraid to stand out, Max. You deserve to," Dana said. I just gave a half hearted nod without looking at her. "I'm serious, Max," she said as she put her hand on my shoulder. "You're one of the best people at Blackwell."

I looked up at Dana.

"I'm just…me," I said.

"Yes, which makes you one of the best people I know. You don't get involved with all the dumb drama people like to start. You just do you. You're smart," Dana explained.

"Thanks, Dana. God, I promised myself I wasn't going to hide away any more but I guess it's still not any easier."

"Well, I want to make it easier any way I can. How you choose to present yourself is important. What you choose to wear says something about who you are. If you choose to wear a gorgeous dress it shows you're confident you look good," she said. I looked up at her and smiled.

"Thanks, Dana," I said.

Dana and I continued to look for more clothes. We picked up a couple more dresses before moving onto some shirts and pants. I ended up with a bigger pile than I intended.

"I feel kinda bad if I don't buy at least one thing from this," I said.

"Don't worry," said Dana. "Mrs Thornton's cool. Besides, I know something from this will speak to you." We headed over to the fitting cubicles.

"I'll wait out her while you change. Take your pick and I'll be ready to give you my opinion," said Dana.

"Okay, but just be honest okay? If I don't look good I want to know."

"Promise," she said.

I went into the cubicle and closed the curtain. There was a small bench, a bar to hang the clothes on as well as a full length mirror. I looked at myself in the mirror as I undressed. I took off my shirt and pants and looked at my half naked body.

I spent the whole of puberty waiting for something to happen…to my chest but that time never came. I've always hated looking at myself. I've even worried about my weight when I know I don't need to. But that was Max 1.0. She worried about stuff she didn't need to worry about. You don't. Come on, Max. After everything that happened…is this really still something you should give a shit about?

I steeled myself away from the mirror and looked at the clothes selection Dana and I had picked out. I picked the floral dress I had first looked at. I got into the dress and looked at myself in the mirror. I turned from side to side as I examined myself up and down. It actually looked pretty good. It felt good. I peeled the curtain back and poked my head out of the cubicle. I expected Dana to be stood right there but she wasn't. I looked around and saw Mrs Thornton was still at the counter reading her magazine. I looked to the right and spotted Dana. She was stood at a circular stand holding something. Something small. A baby's top. I saw Dana's face and she looked so lost in her thoughts. She had never told me about her abortion in this time line. I almost put my foot in my mouth yesterday before remembering it never happened.

I wonder if she talked with it about anyone else?

I decided to pull the curtain back.

"Dana?" I called out. "I think I'm ready to be judged." I heard her footsteps cross the room.

"Out you come, Max Factor!" I pulled back the curtain and stepped out. Dana clapped her hands together before covering her mouth.

"Well?" I said with trepidation.

"Max, you look gorgeous." My face immediately went red.

"I look okay…"

Max, a second ago you thought it looked great. Why do you still have such a hard time accepting a compliment? You swore you were past that.

"Max, you look better than okay-"

"You're right. I really like this one. I think I'm gonna get it," I said. Dana smiled and looked over at Mrs Thornton.

"Congrats, Mrs T, you just made a sale!" Dana called out. Mrs Thornton looked up from her magazine before spotting me.

"Oh darling, you look beautiful. I'm pleased Dana isn't the only one with good taste," she said.

"Thank you," I said.

"We still got a lot more to try on, Max. Let's get to it," Dana said. I nodded before going back into the cubicle and closing the curtain.

A little while later and I had tried on almost everything. I had liked a few of the other clothes but the rest were going back on the hanger. The last outfit was a red shirt with a skull and crossbones picture and black pants. Really couldn't be further away from what I would normally wear, which is why I picked it. I walked out in them as Dana looked me up and down.

"Hm, I don't know," Dana said. My heart sank a little.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't know if it's you," she said.

"I like it," I said.

"Yeah, but, doesn't mean it looks good on you," Dana said.

Is she cereal, after everything she said?

"Well I think I look good. I'll wear it because I want to. Not, because I think you or anyone else will like it," I said. I went to storm back into the cubicle before I heard Dana clap her hands together.

"Go, Max! I'm so proud of you!" She said with a beaming smile.

"What?"

"You passed the test. It's like I said, it doesn't matter what other people think of what you wear just so long as you like it."

I just stood there staring at her.

"Shit, that was cruel wasn't it?" she said.

"No…I mean maybe, but it proved your point I guess," I replied.

"Sorry, I really like that look too though," she said.

"Thanks, Dana. I think I'm all done."

"Cool. I'll meet you at the counter."

I returned back to the cubicle to change back into my normal clothes.

I put back the clothes I decided against and took the ones I wanted to the counter. The floral dress, the red shirt and the black jeans amongst others. Mrs Thornton rang them up.

"Mission accomplished," Dana said. "Max 2.0 is leaving the building."

"It's not exactly a whole new wardrobe, Dana."

"Not yet, just give it time, Max," she said. I laughed as I paid Mrs Thornton and she bagged up my clothes. All in all, I spent $70 which wasn't bad.

"Here you go," Mrs Thronton said handing my my bag. "Come back anytime, Max."

"Thank you, Mrs Thornton. I definitely will, it's a really nice store."

"Well, thank you. Hope it survives with all this Prescott business," she said.

"I'm sure it will," I assured her.

"Bye Mrs T. I'll be back soon, don't worry," Dana said. Mrs Thornton chuckled.

"I look forward to it, Dana. Both of you take care now."

Dana and I said our goodbyes again and left the shop. I looked down at my bag of new clothes.

"See, wasn't that fun?" Dana asked.

"Yeah, it was. Thanks, Dana. I mean, not to rain on your parade but, I don't think I'm exactly the fashion queen of Arcadia Bay."

"Like I said, Max. Give it time. Anyway, you hungry?"

"Yeah actually, I skipped breakfast this morning."

"Me too," Dana looked at her watch. "Grocery store's only a few minutes away. How about we grab some sandwiches? On me to say sorry for that mean lesson."

"Sure, sound's great," I agreed.

Dana and I grabbed some packed sandwiches and a bag of chips to share. We had sat down on a bench not far from the store and were digging in.

"So what happened with you and Warren?" Dana suddenly asked. I coughed and spluttered a little in surprise, only just swallowing my mouthful of sandwich.

"Sorry, probably none of my business," Dana said.

"No, it's okay. There's just not much to say really. He liked me, I didn't see him the same way. I don't know why. We have a lot in common but…I just didn't," I explained.

"I've been there, Max. You can't force feelings. It's all good so long as the guy isn't an asshole," she said.

"Warren's not. I mean, he really didn't take it well at first but, I know he's sorry. I don't regret telling him. I usually find it hard to be really honest with people when I know it'll hurt them but I'm trying to not…be who I used to be," I explained. I looked over at Dana who was just staring at her sandwich.

"So er…how are you and Trevor doing?" I asked to try and change the subject. Dana was still spacing out.

"Dana?" I said putting my hand on her shoulder. She jerked to attention.

"Sorry, Max. Just got distracted. What were you asking?" she said.

"You and Trevor, how are you doing?"

"Oh, we're good. Sorry if we made you awkward earlier," she said.

"It's okay. I'm glad that you're happy, Dana," I said with a smile.

"Yeah…" Dana looked down again.

"Dana, is there something wrong, between you and Trevor I mean? I'm really not an expert in relationships. At all. But I'm a good listener," I offered. Dana just continued to stare into space.

"I'm not trying to pry, Dana. Trust me, but…I saw you looking at the baby clothes earlier. Is it something to do with that?" Dana snapped round to look at me. At first, she looked like she was going to yell. Then her expression softened as she realised I really just wanted to help. She exhaled deeply.

"Max, this stays between us, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm serious. I haven't told anyone else this except my parents and…one other person, who I had no choice but to tell."

"I promise, Dana. I'm not breathing a word to anyone."

"I don't know if you know but, before you arrived at Blackwell, I dated Logan for a while," Dana started. I just nodded.

"He was a bit of a meat head but he was okay really. A couple of months ago we had sex and, like idiots, didn't use protection. Then a few weeks later I realised I was pregnant."

"God, Dana. That must have been big thing to process."

"I told my mom and dad right away. They said they would support me whatever happened."

"That's good. You're lucky to have parents like that," I assured her.

"Then I told Logan and…he didn't take it well. He totally freaked, saying he wasn't ready to be a dad. He basically broke up with me over it…" Dana wiped away a couple of tears that were forming in her eyes. I shuffled along the bench and put my arm around her. Dana continued.

"I just couldn't see how I could possibly raise a baby on my own. Even if Logan had been supportive I still would have had school and then college to think about. I knew I couldn't give that baby the life he/she deserved so in the end I chose to…" Dana broke down into sobs. I put my other arm round her and brought her in for a hug. She sobbed onto my shoulder as I held her.

"It's okay," I said.

"No it's not, Max," Dana said between sobs. "I still feel awful. To…stop a life before it was even born because of my own selfishness…"

"That is not true. You were not being selfish." I said. She just continued to cry. I put my hand on her shoulders and forced her to look me in the eye.

"Dana, you said yourself you weren't ready to have a child, right?" Dana wiped her eyes and nodded.

"Then you made the right choice," I said.

"But Max, I still feel awful…"

"Take it from me, Dana. Sometimes you have to do things…" my voice cracked a little but I kept myself composed for Dana's sake. "…you have to do things you don't want to do. That you might feel awful about. But if you know that you've made the right choice then you cannot beat yourself up over it. You just can't. You should feel proud that were able to go through with that decision," I said. Dana wiped away more tears.

"You really sound sure about all that, Max," she said.

"I'm talking from my own experiences, Dana. Believe me, I know what's like to feel bad for making the right decision," I explained.

"You mean about Warren?"

"Huh? I mean…yeah, that's right. I knew I had to tell Warren how I felt, or didn't feel. He didn't take it well but he proved he was the person I thought he was eventually. Now we can both move on."

Dana moved away as I stopped hugging her.

"Thanks. God, I'm so sorry, Max. You've got your own crap to deal with, you don't need mine dumped on you too."

"Don't be silly, Dana. You've helped me with my problems. Just inviting me out today means a lot. Makes me feel less alone. I want to help you too if I can."

"It definitely feels good to get all that off my chest to someone else besides my parents," Dana said.

"I take it Trevor doesn't know any of this?"

Dana shook her head.

"He knows something's up with me. He keeps asking and I just tell him nothing's wrong. I lied to him and said I never had sex with Logan the whole time we were together. Another stupid mistake I made. I hate keeping this from him. Do you think I should tell him?"

Shit. Listening is one thing, I'm really not some wisened figure. I was honest with people during "that week" and I always seemed to make things worse. But then I was honest with Warren and it worked out, even if things seemed messed up at first. It's true I feel better knowing that we're okay and that he won't be chasing something that was never going to happen.

"Dana, you need to tell him," I said.

"Really?" Dana said.

"Even if you think he might not take it well. You have to tell him. You can't keep this secret when it's clearly hurting you," I said. Dana nodded.

"But then I'm just doing it for me," she said.

"You're doing it for both of you. You can both then move on. If Trevor is the sweetheart you say he is then he isn't going to blow up. He might be angry and you should be ready for that but, he won't want leave you. You'll both get through it. I believe that," I said.

"You sound really sure, Max."

"Maybe I should join a drama class."

Dana laughed.

"Okay, I'll do it," she said.

"If it does go wrong then I'm here for you."

"If it does go wrong I'm blaming you," she said. My face immediately was covered with fear. "I'm kidding, Max. Seriously, thank you for listening. Sorry for bringing so much drama to our shopping trip."

"Don't be sorry, Dana. I'm just glad I could make you feel better. Anyway, I think I'm carrying way more baggage around than anyone…except maybe Kate…" I said.

"I've barely talked to her since all that shit came out. I'm such a bitch," Dana said bitterly.

"Why."

"I watched that stupid video of her. What sort of friend am I, Max?"

"You're a friend who made a mistake, Dana."

"I just don't even know what I can say to her. What do you say to someone who has gone through something like that?" Dana asked.

"You just have to be there, Dana. When um...when Chloe's dad, William, died. I moved away from her. She tried to reach out to me. But I was so worried about saying the right thing, or wrong thing, that I blew her off over and over until I just gave up entirely. I think she gave up too. So she was alone. It's only now I realise I didn't have to worry about saying the right thing, I just had to say something. I just had to make sure she knew I was there. Just look at me, Dana. You were here for me today. Not to talk about all this stuff, you just made me feel less alone. So did Kate. I wouldn't be here right now if she hadn't reached out to me. That's all you have to do," I said.

"Wow, great speech, Max," Dana said. I blushed a little.

"Yeah, it seems like a habit these past few days," I said.

"There's a lot worse habits, Max," Dana said as she gave me a hug. "Thanks for everything. This day was supposed to be about making you feel better but I think you've done more for me." I hugged Dana back.

"You've done plenty today, Dana. I'm just glad I have one more person I can count on," I said.

"Right back at ya, Max." Dana and I separated. She was examining my face.

"Something wrong?"

"I've never seen you in makeup," she said.

"Oh, er no it's not really my thing. I mean I wear a little bit of eyeliner but nothing that…"

"Stands out? You ever worn full makeup at all?"

"I guess not…" I said. Dana smiled and clapped her hands together.

Uh oh...

Dana and I returned to the dorms after finishing our food and getting picked up by Trevor. I dropped off my bag of clothes in my room. Before I left I realised I had totally forgotten my camera. There hadn't been a day since I started Blackwell that I didn't take it out with me in case a good shot appeared. With all the nerves/excitement of my shopping trip with Dana I never even thought of taking it. I grabbed William's camera out of my bag and headed back to her room.

I walked into Dana's room and shut the door behind me. I didn't want anyone seeing me potentially looking dumb in makeup. Dana was setting up all sorts of products for me to try. I didn't even know what half of them were. I raised my camera and looked through the view finder.

"Hey, Dana…" I said. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. She moved to the side and gestured to the make up products. I snapped the picture and put the polaroid as well as my camera on Dana's bed.

"Alright, Max. Let's make you a star," Dana said. I smiled weakly.

After what seemed like a hundred different products Dana seemed to have finished transforming me.

"Alright, Max. Ready for the big reveal?"

"Not really but, here goes nothing," I said. Dana presented a small round mirror. I shut my eyes.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Max."

"Sorry," I said. I opened my eyes and looked at my reflection. At least…I assumed it was my reflection. I barely recognised myself. Bright red lips, blusher that totally hid my freckles and eye shadow that made my eyes look twice as big.

"Well, what do ya think?" Dana asked in anticipation. I turned to the side a couple of times to get a proper look.

I miss my freckles. I can't believe I'm saying that. Guess they're a part of me, whether I like it or not. And there's no reason to hide who I really am.

"I'm not sure I like it, Dana. It's just…not me," I said. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Max, I thought Operation Makeover probably wouldn't be a success. At least we tried," Dana handed my a cloth to wipe away all the makeup.

"Well you can say you had the privilege, if you can call it that, of seeing me in make up," I said.

"I'll take that privilege."

I removed all my make up. When I had finished Dana had got out her phone.

"Now it's my turn, Max," she said. She pointed the phone at us and put her arm around me.

"Say cheese," she said.

"Cheese!" We said in unison. "Awesome," Dana said. "You okay if I put it on Facebook?"

"Of course. Listen, thanks a lot for this morning. It's been really cool hanging out."

"Me too, Max. It was fun. Let's not make it the last, right?"

"Definitely. I'd better get back to my room. I have a mountain of school stuff to catch up on and I really should get started."

"No problem, Max. If you feel like procrastinating however, I'm right here," she said with a wink. I laughed.

"Thanks, Dana."

I got up and grabbed my camera and polaroid off Dana's bed.

"I forgot to mention, I'm helping organise the Halloween party. Trevor and I will be there. You should totally come with us!" Dana said.

"Oh, I mean, I wouldn't want to be a third wheel…"

"Don't be silly, Max. I want you to come."

"I'll think about it Dana. I'd better get going. See you later," I said waving goodbye.

"Bye, Max," Dana waved back. I left Dana's room and got back to my own. I put my camera on my bed before over to my drawer and putting my polaroid of Dana inside.

I really need do need to find a better place for these…

I shut the drawer back up and then took out the clothes I had bought and hung them up in my wardrobe. They definitely stood out from everything else so I accomplished my mission. Now all I had to do was actually feel like wearing them in public.

One step at a time I guess.

I sat down at my desk ready to study only to find my motivation had suddenly disappeared.

Come on, Max. You'll have to do it eventually. Just start with something easy. The notes Warren gave you. Just go through them for now to ease yourself in.

I picked up the small stack of paper Alyssa had delivered to me on Warren's behalf. All the class notes for Science and Cultural Anthropology. I decided to start with the latter as my brain was so not in the mood for complicated science terms. I put Warren's notes in front of me and got to work.

Well that could have gone better…

An hour later and almost nothing had gone in. I was getting distracted by the stupidest of stuff. Probably my brain trying to protect itself from the horrors of studying. I sat back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling.

Well at least you're trying, Max. Better than nothing, I guess…

If studying right now wasn't on the cards then I still needed to do something productive. If I was seriously going to try and get back to class on Monday then I had to do whatever I could to keep my motivation up. I looked at my camera I had brought with me to Blackwell which was sat on my desk. I hadn't shown it a lot of love in the past couple of days. I'd stuck to William's camera so far, maybe because it felt like I was carrying a piece of Chloe with me. The only photos I'd taken so far were of people who were important to me. It helped me, but they weren't exactly photos I couldn't wait to share with the world.

Have you ever had a photo you couldn't wait to share though, Max?

Touché, brain. Well that changes from now. I've seen I can do it. My Every Day Heroes contest photo would have won if I'd just entered it.

It was settled. I grabbed my original camera and put it in my camera bag. I also opened up my drawer and grabbed a hand full of film. I had bought a lot of it, way too much, before arriving at Blackwell. It was time to put it to proper use. I shoved the film into my bag, put the strap over my shoulder and headed outside.

I stepped out into the yard around the dormitories and looked around. I hadn't realised what a beautiful day it was while I was caught up in the whirlwind of being Dana's fashion protégé.

Maybe it's a sign. Maybe Samuel was right. Maybe nature is watching me. 'Cos that's not ominous…

I put the thought out of my head as a noticed a squirrel was on the bench by the tree, eating something. It was the perfect shot. I got out my camera and slowly moved closer to it. A few feet away and the squirrel was still eating away. I raised my camera and took the shot. As the flash went off the squirrel ran away.

Sorry, little guy. Didn't mean to scare you.

I backed away and looked around the rest of the yard. I noticed the tobanga statue up on the hill. I got as close to the outside edge as I could and took the shot. As I put the photo away I thought to myself.

Something feels off…

I wasn't going to let it stop me though. It was still nice to be taking regular pictures again. I looked around the yard some more but nothing else stood out to me. I left and headed to the campus in front of the school. A few people were around but no-one I really talked to. That was, except for Daniel, who was in his usual spot under the tree, pencil and sketchbook in hand. I approached him.

"Hey, Daniel," I said. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Max, so nice to see you out once more," he said.

"Two days in a row, my best record for a while. Thank you so much for that drawing. It was awesome," I said.

"I wouldn't have put it back online if it weren't for you. So thank you."

"You're welcome. I don't know if I quite deserve the title you gave me though…" I said.

"Heroes come in many forms, Max. Not everyone will save someone's life or change the world. You helped me ignore the voices, inside and out, that were telling me my drawing was no good. To me, that makes the world of difference. So thank you, Max," Daniel said. I was blushing hard.

"It's cool. Forget about out," I said. Daniel smiled at my poor attempt to look away and hide my red cheeks.

"Um…I've actually already been out today," I said trying to change the subject. "Dana took me out for a little shopping trip this morning. She got me to try some make up too. Though she had less luck there."

"Sounds fun," he said.

"It really was. Most fun I've actually had since…" I cut myself off as my insides started to feel like they were in knots. Daniel shot me a sympathetic smile.

"You're doing great, Max," he reiterated. I smiled back at him.

"Thanks, Daniel. I don't know if I'm quite there yet to go to the Halloween party. Dana invited me but I'll have to wait and see."

"Oh the Halloween party! I wish I could go myself."

"Really, didn't have you down as one to dress up. Er, no offense," I quickly added. Daniel chuckled.

"Don't tell anyone, but I've always wanted to cosplay. I've tried making costumes in the past but never really finished anything."

"That's really cool, Daniel. How come you've never finished them?" He looked down at his sketchbook.

"I didn't think they were any good…" he said finally. I smiled at him.

"Well, that's not a problem now, right?" I said.

"I don't know, Max. My drawings are one thing. Walking around in a costume is another," he said.

"Just think of it as one of your drawings, but brought to life. Don't worry about what other people think," I said to him. Daniel just fiddled with the pencil in his hand.

"I need to get going," I said. "But promise me something. If dressing up and going to the Halloween party is something you know you want to do, then do it. Okay? Promise?" I said. Daniel nodded a little.

"I'll try, Max," he said. He put his pencil back to paper and began drawing again. I sighed and walked away.

I really feel bad for him. I know it's not as easy as just wanting to do something and doing it.

I put that thought aside as I saw the statue of Jeremiah Blackwell in front of the school. If I got the right perspective it could make a great shot. I stood in front of it and pointed my camera up, so the stature was towering over me. I took the photo and as I looked at the emerging polaroid I realised was giving me such an uncomfortable feeling. I was taking the exact same photos I had taken during "that week." I put the photo away before sitting down on the ring around the statue. And just like that, the realisation I was subconsciously reliving that week drained away all my motivation to take pictures.

Fucking great.

I propped my arms up on my knees and buried my head in my hands. I was trying so hard to get back to normal and was all being chalked up to a big fail.

Because things aren't normal, Max. It's like Joyce said, don't pretend things are okay when they aren't. Just take a minute. Get back up. Then look for some more shots.

A half hour later and I had returned to my room. I had taken a few more shots. But mostly I had just walked around the school and down the street. It still felt good just to be outside and clear my head from my oh-so-strenuous studying. I had immediately tried getting back to studying and found it a little easier. Short bursts of studying followed by something a little more fun seemed to be doing the trick. I played the guitar a little. I listened to some music. Before I knew I had actually gotten through all the Cultural Anthropology notes. This was one of the subjects I enjoyed the most, beside Photography.

Well, the latter remains to be seen I guess.

Some of my other subjects I didn't enjoy so much. I already knew I should be doing better in them. I poured pretty much all my motivation into photography.

But not enough to hand in a damn photo, apparently. I have a second chance at everything. Chloe died so I could have that. If I just throw away my education then what the hell was it all for? I know I'm still not at a hundred percent but I have to try. Maybe being back in classes will help me focus.

I felt like I had accomplished everything I could for the day. It was still only six o'clock. Not exactly the right time for sleep. I hopped onto Facebook and saw Dana had posted the photo of us with the caption: "Had a fun morning with my newest fashion guinea pig! I am also currently the only person who has seen her in makeup ;)"

I laughed and typed a comment under it: "And you always will be, Dana :D"

I looked at Warren's flash drive on my desk and wondered if I needed to have an old fashioned movie binge. I plugged in the USB to my laptop and began rooting through Warren's treasure trove of pirated goods.

After five hours of watching I figured it was time for bed. It felt good to just put everything out my head.

At least until tomorrow, when I'll need to try again to actually achieve something.

Sunday, October 20th 2013

Hey Journal,

So Sunday went by way too fast.

I managed to take in at least some of the science stuff thanks to Warren's translations he provided. I texted him to say I'll no doubt need his help when more homework starts flooding in. He said he'll always be happy to help. Really am glad that I didn't lose him over all the crap between us. I mean, I guess I don't know what's going on in his head right now. Who knows? Maybe he actually hates my guts...Then again if he does he's doing an outstanding job hiding it. Which I guess would mean he knows he shouldn't be feeling like that? Oh who fucking knows? I'm just glad he's here.

It's so weird that I'm doing exactly the same thing that I did almost two months ago...writing a midnight journal entry before my first day at Blackwell. Except, things couldn't be more different this time. Back then I was stressed about not finding the rooms I needed. Well, that's not a problem now a least.

This time I'm going back having experienced what was one of the best, and at the same time worst, weeks of my life. Before I then spent the next week thinking there was nothing that could ever make me feel good again. Turned out all I needed to do was let people in. Kate was the one who kick started it all. I owe her so much for reaching out to me. Just like how I tried to reach out to her...and failed. But she succeeded. I promise I'll always be there for her in return.

I felt bad saying no to her today. She asked me to come to the interfaith meeting at the library as she thought it might be good for me. I have nothing against religion but it really didn't sound like my kind of party (says the person who never goes to parties). She was probably just trying to help stop me from falling into my old habit of staying in my room. If I'm honest I do feel bad for doing just that today. I barely left except for bathroom breaks and getting food. Guess all that changes tomorrow...

Kate did still drop by with some verses from the bible she hoped I might find helpful, all of them about dealing with grief. Apparently even Jesus himself partook in grief, guess we have that in common at least.

Just need to check...yes, Max. You did just compare yourself to God. Speaking of which, when I wasn't spending the day thinking about science I was thinking about what might be the opposite of science, or maybe it isn't? I'll probably never know. Okay, Max, enough procrastinating. Just come out and say it.

I am never using my powers again.

I've thought everything through and that's the option I think is best. Or is that just what I'm telling myself? No. I know this is what's best. I keep thinking that I still have my powers for a reason, but what reason? When I think about "that week" and realise that in the end, a lot of stuff I did had nothing to do with my powers.

1. Trying to help, Kate. I know I failed to talk her down, the sight of her jumping will forever haunt me. But if I had succeeded it wouldn't have been my powers that did it. They got me up there but talking Kate down was entirely down to what I said or didn't say.

2. Getting Victoria to confess how insecure she is. I just talked to her. I refused to return her bitchiness and just showed empathy. At the Vortex Club she showed that deep down she's really like me. Insecure and scared she might be no good. I refuse to let her return to her old ways.

3. Daniel. I know this isn't exactly the biggest example but I got him to go to the Vortex club. He hung out with Brooke and it sounded like the two of them would be going on a trip to an art museum together. I remember in my nightmare, when everyone was in the diner he was one of the few who said something nice. He told me no-one had ever given him confidence. I know that was just my projection of him but it could be true. All I did was tell him to go the party. I didn't need my powers to do that. Maybe I'm just giving myself too much credit but who knows what Daniel could have gone on to do if I hadn't reset the timeline.

4. The Every Day Heroes Contest. I know I entered my photo as a "fuck you" to Jefferson but that wasn't the only reason I could have entered it. If I had just been proud of my work and not been so scared of what everyone thought I could have won the contest. Well, under normal circumstances at least. Whatever, the point is I need to be proud of my photography. Of everything I do.

And the stuff I did use my powers for? I ended up taking back. Saving William seemed like the right thing to do, until I saw the consequences. Seeing Chloe like that was awful, I'll never forget when she approached me in her wheelchair. I had no choice but to put things back to the way they were.

Then when I tried to get Jefferson arrested for everything he did. I could never get things perfect. I jumped through photo after photo trying to get things right but the storm was always coming, no matter how neat everything else was. I tried again and again. I screwed things up so bad I ended back up in the Dark Room, only David saved me.

In the end I had to change the first choice I ever made because of my powers: saving Chloe. I took it back and left her to die. I know I can't change my mind, no matter how much I might want to.

I can only take what I learned from that week and move forward. I can only hope the lesson I was supposed to learn from having the power to control time was that, ironically, I never should. There are some things that are out of my hands and I have to accept that. Unless some...time god or whatever is going to show up and tell me otherwise, that's what I choose to believe.

To be honest. Just knowing I'm not supposed to use my powers...I feel like a giant weight is gone from my shoulders. That I'm not supposed to be Max Caulfield: Time Warrior. I'm just supposed to Max Caulfield. I can be who I was before that whole week.

No...I won't be who I was before that week. I'll be better. I'm going forward to be the person I never would have believed I could be. For myself. And for Chloe. I'm so sorry for what happened to you, Chloe. I promised I'd never forget about you and I never will. I'll always love you.

Sorry, Journal. Guess I got a bit sidetracked. Then again, you never complained before having to hear about my problems at school or how Seattle wasn't how I dreamed it would be. Stuff I thought would be the height of my worries in life. How naïve I was...

I'd better stop now before I erase all my determination to face tomorrow. I'm sure you can't wait to hear all about it but you'll have to.

Goodnight!