The evening passed by in a bit of a blur. During the night different members of school staff took turns watching over the party. There was never any sign of Samuel, but Principal Wells did turn up at around 8.30. He seemed satisfied we hadn't torn down the gym. Besides all that, I took part in some contests that were set up, spent some time hanging out with Daniel, Warren and Brooke. Dana would occasionally show up and try to get me to dance. I'd also sometimes see Dana and Trevor making out and feel a pang of jealousy. As the night went on I decided to say hi to Justin, who had been the party DJ, providing the music by connecting his laptop to the speakers.
"Yo, Justin," I said.
"What up, Max?" He said pressing a button on his laptop. "What do you think of the tunes?"
"Not really my style."
"Oh yeah, want me to see if I'm packing some of your favourites?"
"I think my taste is a little too sophisticated for you."
"Ouch, Max. You unleashing your inner pirate on me?" He asked.
I laughed. "I'm sure you can take it. You not big on costumes?" I said about his casual appearance.
"Only here because Dana asked me to DJ. Couldn't say no to her. She's too hot."
"Easy, Romeo. I think Trevor beat you to it."
"Yeah, better dude won. Still sucks though," he said.
"You're a sweet guy, Justin. You'll find someone."
"Hey, if Daniel can then I guess I can!"
"Oh my God. Let me guess, Dana mentioned something about Daniel and I being on a date?"
"That's right."
I rolled my eyes hard. "Of course she did."
Justin looked past me and signalled to someone. "Looks like she's about to announce the costume contest winners," he said. "If a cat fight happens between you and Dana, promise you'll bring it this way?"
"In your dreams. Catch you later, Justin!"
"Later, Max!"
Justin brought the music down as I saw Dana and Juliet stood by a table set up at the side of the gym. The table contained the prizes for the winners. Everyone gathered around and whooped as Dana held a microphone between her and Juliet.
"Okay everyone, we're getting close to the end of the party and it's time for Juliet and I to announce the winners of the costume contest," said Dana. "Before we do though, we want to give a special shout out to the person who gave this party the go ahead and let us all have a night of fun and, controlled, chaos. Let's hear it for Principal Wells!"
Everyone applauded and cheered as Principal Wells sheepishly stood at the side of the room. He tried to wave away the attention but people just clapped louder. His face a little red, he gestured for Dana and Juliet to continue.
"Now, onto the winners," Juliet said grabbing a box of Twinkies off the table. "In third place and the winner of this delicious box of Twinkies is...Tara Sannerton!"
Everyone applauded as Tara, dressed in a pretty cool witch outfit complete with fake black cat, collected her prize and returned to the crowd. Dana grabbed a big bag of various candy off the table next.
"And in second place, we actually have two winners!" Dana said. "They compliment each other perfectly so we couldn't possibly pick. So in second place and the joint winners of this mega bag of candy…Warren Graham and Brooke Scott!"
I looked over to see Warren cheer and Brooke frozen in place. Warren took Brooke's hand and led her to the front of the crowd. He took the bag from Dana and held it in the air as people applauded. Warren and Brooke returned to Daniel and I.
"Great job guys!" I called out over the clapping.
"Thanks!" Warren replied. Brooke still looked in shock. Dana grabbed an envelope off the table.
"And the winner..." Juliet said. "...of the costume contest and proud receiver of this fifty dollar gift certificate for Target is…"
Justin hit a button on his laptop to make a drum roll, everyone laughed. As it reached it's crescendo, Dana and Juliet both said the name…
"...Daniel Decosta!"
My mouth fell open as I turned to Daniel and clapped like a maniac. Daniel seemed to look even whiter than he did before. I gave him a gentle shove and he stepped through the crowd of people and made it to the front. Dana gave him a quick hug as a still stunned Daniel turned to look at the rest of the crowd. Everyone continued applauding as he looked around in amazement.
"Congratulations to Daniel and the rest of our winners!" Dana said. "We've got about a half hour before we get kicked out so Justin, crank up the music and everyone unleash your inner party animal!" She shouted into the microphone. Everyone cheered again as people separated out. I made my way over to Daniel, who still hadn't moved from the spot.
"Way to go, Daniel!" I said.
"I can't believe it," he said.
"Believe it, you earned it," Juliet said.
"Thank you," said Daniel. "And thank you, Max. For making me come here tonight."
"It was still your choice. And your costume. It was all you, Daniel," I said.
He smiled at me. Trevor approached us.
"Nice work, dude," he said to Daniel as he gave him a high five. Dana turned to Daniel and I.
"Justin's about to put on some rave music, I want to see you two cut loose and dance, okay? Last chance of the night."
Daniel and I looked at eachother.
"I can't really dance," I said.
"Nor can I," Daniel added.
Dana laughed. "Can you move your body while music's playing?" She asked.
"Yeah," we both said.
"Then you can dance!"
"Yeah, but not well…" I said. Dana laughed again.
"I don't care if you dance well, and nor should you. Trust me, I wouldn't be with Trevor if I thought otherwise."
"Hey!" Trevor said as he pulled Dana in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"Just have fun, okay?" Dana said. Daniel and I both nodded reluctantly. I looked over at Justin at the DJ table. He pressed a button on his laptop. A song started playing even louder than before. I winced as the sound hit my ears and I could practically feel the room vibrating. Dana, Trevor and Juliet immediately started dancing. I stood still for a moment as I realised I'd heard this song somewhere before.
"Max!" Dana shouted over the music. "Rock out, girl!"
"Rock out, girl!"
That's what Chloe had said to me as she danced on her bed. To this song. I remembered thinking she looked so cool and loving how she didn't give a shit about anything in that moment, except raving. I looked at Trevor and saw him dancing like a total goof ball. A goof ball with a huge smile on his face. As the memories of Chloe came flooding through my mind I felt that melancholy threatening to overwhelm me. I thought about my costume and how it reminded me of when we were kids. Those days were long gone. But right now, in this moment…
Fuck it.
I shut my eyes and threw my arms up in the air. I just danced like I was the only one in the room.
"Woo! Go, Max!" Dana called out. I opened my eyes and laughed. I looked over at Daniel to see even he was rocking out a little. I shut my eyes again and just continued to dance.
A half hour of raving later and I was exhausted. Everyone left the gym, with Wells saying the decorations would be taken down tomorrow. Everyone headed back to the dormitories but I needed a minute to chill out. As Daniel and I reached the Blackwell statue I turned to him.
"Mind if we sit down?" I asked Daniel.
"Sure," he said. We sat down on the edge of the fountain together. The crowd of people carried on, leaving Daniel and I alone.
"I don't think I've danced as I hard as I did in there," I said.
"I don't think I've ever danced at all," Daniel replied.
I laughed. "Guess tonight had a few firsts for both of us," I said.
"Yeah…"
I looked at Daniel to see him with a nervous expression.
"You okay?" I asked. After a brief pause, he started leaning towards me. My eyes widened as his eyes closed and his face got closer to mine. Everything went into bullet time.
"Whoa…" I said as I pulled back a little. Daniel opened his eyes and pulled back too. His mouth hung open slightly as we both sat there awkwardly. Daniel finally broke the silence.
"Sorry…" He stood up and looked down at me. "I'm sorry…" he said as he walked away quickly. I just stayed sat at the statue in a slightly dazed state. I snapped myself out of it and saw Daniel getting further and further away. I got up and chased after him.
"Daniel, wait," I said as I caught up to him by the trees. He came to a stop as I stood behind him.
"It's okay," I said.
He turned around. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the night," he said.
"What? No, you haven't ruined anything, Daniel. I was just…a little surprised."
Daniel raised a slight smile. "I think I surprised myself," he said. "What I did...tried to do back there. I've never done that before."
"Well, I mean I'm honoured I was the first, really. I'm just sorry it didn't go the way you wanted."
"Please don't be sorry, Max. I'm not mad. Its just…you've helped me so much in the past couple of weeks. I know we don't talk a lot but when we do, you really make me think I can do anything. You give me confidence, Max. It's probably why I even felt confident enough to try and kiss you. So...sorry," he said. I just smiled at him and stepped a little closer.
"You shouldn't be sorry either, Daniel. There's nothing wrong with confidence. Even if I didn't reciprocate, what happened back there was a victory for you. It takes guts to put yourself and your feelings out there like that. You won't lose that confidence just because things didn't work out this time. Promise?"
Daniel nodded.
"I will try, Max. Likewise, please never forget how big of a difference your kindness makes to me."
"I won't. Do you er…want a hug?"
"Only if you want to," he said. I chuckled as we both stepped forward and hugged. As we separated I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Happy Halloween, Daniel," I said. I could see the redness in his cheeks through the face paint.
"Happy Halloween, Max," he replied.
I stepped into the girl's dorm and saw Dana's door was open. I looked in to see her sat on her bed, looking in a small mirror while removing her zombie make up with a cloth. She turned to see me.
"Hey, Max!" She said putting down the cloth.
"Hey, Dana."
"Didn't I say you'd have a good time at the party?"
"You did. And I did."
"It's not your last one. I'll make sure of that," she said with a wink. I laughed.
"I bet you won't," I replied.
"I took a tonne of pics with my phone. They're already on Facebook if you want to have a look," she said pointing to her laptop. I went over to see Dana wasn't kidding. There were over a hundred pictures just from tonight. I clicked through them and smiled as I saw one with just about everyone; I saw one Dana took of Daniel with his cape spread out and me making a "hook" with my finger; one of Warren with Brooke screwing in his bolts; one I took of Dana kissing Trevor on the cheek while he pulled a goofy expression; one of Zachary carrying Juliet in his arms; one of-
Wait, what the fuck?
I clicked back to the photo of Dana and Trevor. I stared at it with my mouth open. I remembered. Dana passed me her phone in the middle of our rave and posed with Trevor. I took a picture of them.
I took a picture.
"Max, you okay?" I heard Dana say. I covered my mouth as tears formed in my eyes. I heard Dana get off her bed. "What's wrong?" she asked. I wiped my eyes, looked up at Dana and smiled.
"Nothing's wrong. I just think I realised that…going to the party was the best decision I've made since Chloe died." Dana seemed a little shocked. "So thanks for inviting me, Dana," I added.
"Hey, I-I'm glad it's helped you," she said.
"More than you know. Trust me." Dana smiled at me before narrowing her eyes. Like she was studying me. "What?" I said nervously. A sly smile crossed her face. "Dana, what is it?"
"What's that on your lips?"
"Huh?"
"Looks like white paint. Kinda like Daniel had on his face..." Dana said raising her eyebrows to an absurd height. I felt my cheeks go red.
"No, Dana it's- it's not what you think," I said.
"Your stuttering betrays you, Max," Dana said, grinning. I went over and closed the door before turning back to Dana.
"I just gave him a kiss on the cheek, okay? Daniel…Daniel tried to kiss me but I turned him down," I explained.
"He tried to kiss you? Wow, didn't have him down as being that sort of guy," Dana said.
"Neither did I. And neither did he actually. But it happened and I wasn't feeling it. He was okay with it. At least he seemed to be."
"He seems a sweet guy, I'm sure he's okay. Why'd you turn him down, if you don't mind me asking?" Dana said.
"He is really sweet and he has such a good heart I just…" I shrugged. "I don't know."
"Between Warren and Daniel you're leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake, Max," she said with a smile. "You sure you're not into girls?" she said jokingly. I hesitated a little too long, which caused Dana's smile to fade.
"Wait, are you…shit, sorry. You know it's cool if you are. I shouldn't have-"
I decided to put a flustered Dana out of her misery.
"I'm definitely into guys too, Dana. But…I did kiss a girl once. She was my first kiss actually," I said.
"Really?"
"Yeah, it was…it was…this stays between us."
"Sure."
"I don't mean me being bi, that's just whatever. But the person I kissed is between us, okay?"
"Totally, Max. After you never told a single person about me being pregnant, you seriously think I wouldn't do the same?" She said with a smile.
"It was…Chloe," I said. Dana's eyes widened. "Yeah. Chloe Price."
"Shit, Max."
I wandered over and sat down on Dana's bed. Dana sat down right next to me but I stared at the floor as I spoke.
"It was...when we were kids. She was encouraging me to try on some clothes I would never have worn in a million years. She told me I could afford to take more chances. Then out of nowhere, she dares me to kiss her. She double dares me and the next thing I know I find myself moving towards her. I kiss her right on the lips and she backs away. I don't think she expected me to actually do it. The weird thing was…that it actually didn't feel weird. It's only recently I've realised I had feelings for her. I think maybe I did even before I kissed her." I let out a sigh before looking at Dana. I was shocked to see her hastily wipe away tears from her eyes, smudging her zombie makeup in the process.
"Fuck, Max. That's brutal. I'm so sorry for how things turned out," she said.
I smiled softly. "Don't be, it's not your fault."
"Do you think she felt the same?" She asked. I just sighed again.
"I don't know. Never got the chance to ask her."
A small sob escaped Dana's mouth.
"Shit, do you need a hug or something?" She asked.
I laughed a little. "Not as much as you from the looks of things."
Dana laughed. "Shut up," she said as wrapped her arms around me.
"You're doing great, Max. I'm really proud of you for pushing through. You know I'm here for you, right?"
"That's sweet of you, Dana. And I now you are," I said as she let got of me.
"I need to go have a quick shower, then is movie night still on?" I asked.
"You bet it is. We'll be waiting for you, Max," Dana said as I got up.
I left Dana's room and walked down the hall on the way to my own. As I reached Kate's room I saw her door ajar. I peered in to see Kate sat on her chair at her desk, facing away from it. I pushed the door open.
"Hey, Kate," I said. I suddenly stopped when I saw she had company. Courtney and Taylor were sat on Kate's couch.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't…everything okay?" I asked Kate.
"Everything's great, Max," she said. Looking over at Courtney and Taylor.
"How was the party?" Taylor asked.
"It was fun. Hopefully I'll see you there next time. Sorry, Courtney but I gotta go wash off your makeup now. Thanks again though."
"Any time, Max," she said. "See you for the movie?"
"See you for the movie," I said to all of them. I waved goodbye and headed to my room. As soon as I got inside, I rushed over to my journal.
Thursday, October 31st 2013
Dear Chloe,
I'll tell you the full story later but for now I just had to tell you something. Guess what is it? Come on, guess! Time's up. You ready? Chloe…I had fun tonight. I know, crazy! But seriously though, the party tonight was the most fun I've had since you died. I know everything hasn't gone away like magic but that's not the point.
I tried to do everything I could to move past all the shit I went through but I haven't really been doing that. I've never done anything for the sake of doing it, it's always been about trying to prove something. The shopping trip with Dana wasn't really just a simple shopping trip for me. It was about coming away with clothes that showed off Max 2.0 or whatever bullshit I thought was necessary. Even going to the party tonight was about thinking I owed Daniel for taking away the confidence I gave him during "that week." But once I was there I stopped worrying about any of that stuff and I just had fun. When that song started playing tonight I raved like I had never raved before (probably because I haven't). I wasn't trying to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I just had fun. And you know what else I did because I just stopped thinking about everything so much? I took a picture. I took an actual fucking photograph. Yes, it was on a phone but I still did it. I don't know if I was just high on the fun or what but I just did it without thinking. If I can do that, then I know I can take real pictures again one day. I know it's probably not as simple as just have fun, take picture. But it can't be a coincidence. And if fun is even a small part of getting me being able to get back on track with my photography again then what better incentive do I need?
I really think I found the final piece of the puzzle tonight. That means I can truly move forward from here on out. I don't have to be trying to prove something 24-fucking-7. I don't need to be Super Max all the damn time. Sometimes, I can just have fun for the sake of having fun. That's my biggest victory against Jefferson. And the universe for taking you. I can be happy, if I just stop trying so damn hard. Like now, I'm going to have a movie night with my dorm mates. Because I can. So there.
Okay, I think I really am becoming a bit delirious now. I'll tell you about everything else once I've cleared my head a little. Bye for now.
After having my shower and washing off the face paint I got changed into my night clothes. I headed to the dorm lounge to see everyone dressed like it was a big girls sleepover. Dana and Juliet sat on one couch. Stella, Alyssa and Brooke on another. Courtney, Taylor and Kate on another.
"Here she is," Dana said.
"Sorry everyone, didn't mean to keep you all waiting," I said as I sat down next to Dana.
"You shouldn't be sorry about that, Max. But you should be sorry about the promise you broke," Dana said.
"What?"
"You forget to bring something?" Dana said folding her arms. I looked at her before remembering.
"Oh right, popcorn. Sorry, dropped the ball I guess."
"Good thing I'm here then." We all turned around to look at the door. Victoria was stood in her silk pyjamas, clutching two big bags of popcorn. There was a silence as she put them on the table in the middle of the couches and backed away. She gave a quick glance to Courtney and Taylor. Then back to the rest of us in the room.
"I didn't poison them, if that's what you're wondering," she said.
"Wouldn't put it past you," Dana muttered to my left. I gave her a stern look as Victoria backed away.
"Have fun," Victoria said as she headed back to the door.
"There's plenty of room if you want to join us," Kate said suddenly. Victoria came to a stop and turned back to face her. Kate turned to everyone else.
"Right, everyone?"
Everyone quietly voiced their approval. Everyone except for Dana. I looked at her and raised my eyebrows. She looked back at Victoria.
"Doesn't look like there's much room," Victoria said as she folded her arms and looked at the couches filled with people. Dana sighed and moved off the couch to sit on the floor.
"If you're gonna be dramatic about it..." she said.
"What? My ass too good for the floor?" Victoria said gesturing for Dana to get back on the couch. Dana raised her eyebrows and looked at me. I just shrugged as she sat back on the couch next to me, as Victoria sat down on the floor near my feet. She looked up at me as I gave her a smile and a nod.
"So how was the party?" Victoria asked.
"It was fun," Dana said. "Shame you weren't there."
"Didn't think I'd be welcome."
"True, you wouldn't have been," Dana said. Victoria gave Dana scowl.
"But you will be at the next one," Dana added with a small smile. Victoria's expression softened.
"If you want us all to leave the room so you can make out, just say so," Taylor said suddenly. Everyone, including Dana and Victoria, laughed as the cold atmosphere completely disappeared from the room.
"So what's the movie again?" Victoria asked.
"The Nightmare Before Christmas. You seen it?" Juliet asked.
"Don't think I have. Is it the animated one with the skeleton guy? Didn't Tim Burton make that?"
"He just produced it based on characters he created," Brooke explained.
"Surprised you know who Tim Burton is," Juliet said.
"He directed Batman, of course I know him." Everyone in the room turned to look at Victoria. "What? I love Batman, who doesn't? Come on, let's get the movie started." Victoria said leaning back against the edge of the couch.
"Still ordering people around I see," Dana said as she raised the tv remote in the air. Victoria scowled at Dana, who just fired a wink back. Victoria rolled eyes and turned back as Dana started the movie.
"So what did you think?" Courtney asked Victoria.
"It was cool. The songs were pretty good and the style was awesome," Vicroria said. "Not that scary though."
"Well it was meant for kids too," Alyssa said.
"Unlike the second part of our Halloween movie night," Dana said as she got up and went over to the TV. "This one one will leave you all sleepless." Dana grabbed a DVD from behind the TV and put it behind her back.
"Any guesses?" she asked. "It's a classic."
"Nightmare on Elm Street?" Brooke said.
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre?" Stella said.
"Batman and Robin?" I said. Dana laughed.
"That is horrific, Max, but you're all wrong. What better movie to watch on Halloween than…" Dana held up the DVD.
"Halloween! Anyone not seen this?" Kate, Courtney, Taylor and Victoria raised their hands.
"Oh, you are in for a treat," Dana said waving the DVD case.
"It's not full of blood and guts is it?" Courtney asked.
"Don't worry, Courtney. It's pretty gore free," I said.
"Yeah, it's the first real slasher film," Alyssa said.
"Well, actually Black Christmas is the first modern slasher film," Brooke said. "Halloween popularised the sub-genre much like Blair Witch Project popularised the found footage sub-genre, even though that wasn't the first-"
"I'm starting to see why you and Warren got together. You're both as dorky as one another," Alyssa said as she gave Brooke a nudge. Brooke went quiet (and a little red) as some people laughed.
"I'm actually a little tired so I think I'll call it a night," Kate said as she stood up.
"Are you sure?" Dana said.
"Yeah, besides I don't know if this is the kinda movie I want to be watching right now. But you guys still can though."
"Shit. I'm sorry, Kate," said Dana. "I didn't think. We can grab something else?"
"It's okay. As you said, it's the perfect movie to watch tonight, just not for me. Enjoy the movie, everyone. I'll see you tomorrow," Kate said. We all said goodnight as she left. Dana still looked uneasy as she stood clutching the DVD in her hands.
"Dana?" I said. "Kate's okay." Dana nodded and put the DVD on. She came back and sat down.
Victoria folded her arms as soon as we reached the main menu.
"Do you scare easy, Victoria?" I said.
"No way," she replied.
As soon as the opening credits began and that classic John Carpenter music started, I noticed Victoria tuck her knees to her chest and wrap her arms around them. I just looked at Dana who smiled slyly.
I've seen Halloween several times before and knew it was great. I had never experienced it with Victoria Chase, who made it at least ten times more entertaining. Her frequent cries of "oh shit!" and her commentary telling the characters what they should do had everyone in the room laughing. Everything was great. Until-
BANG!
Loomis shot Michael Myers. I suddenly jerked in my seat and felt the air leave my lungs.
BANG!
I struggled to breathe as my hands started to shake.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
A sob escaped my mouth as I covered it with my shaking hands.
BANG!
I moved to cover my whole face as my hands still trembled and I started to sob.
"Turn that shit off, Dana!" Victoria yelled. I heard the movie pause as I struggled to compose myself. I felt Dana wrap her arms around me and pull me in close.
"It's okay, Max. It's okay," she said softly. After a few moments the shaking and sobbing subsided and I was able to lower my hands. I hastily wiped away my tears as Dana let go of me and I looked around at everyone.
"Sorry, didn't mean to ruin the movie," I said with a small laugh.
"You didn't ruin anything," Victoria said.
"Should we maybe just call it a night?" Brooke suggested.
"No. No, it's okay. I'm fine," I said still wiping my eyes. "Besides, we're right at the end," I said looking at Dana.
"You sure?" She asked.
"I'm sure."
Dana picked the remote back up and resumed the movie. After we reached the end and the credits started roll. I turned to everyone.
"Sorry again everyone."
"We get it. You're sorry," Victoria said. "And you don't need to be. Got that? I nodded.
"Okay, everyone. It's late and we've still get one more school day before the weekend. Let's get some sleep," Juliet said.
"So long as we don't wait until Christmas for the next movie night," Taylor said. Everyone agreed as we all left the room.
I laid awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I still hadn't truly calmed down from my panic attack. Partly from the attack itself and partly from the anger that it had happened at all. This had been one of the best days I'd had up until that moment. I tapped my phone on my bed side table to see the time. Almost two in the morning. I let out a heavy sigh and sat up. I carefully walked over to me room lamp and switched it on. I looked over at my desk and saw my journal was open. I had totally forgot to finish writing about today. Probably because I didn't want to.
Hey, it's the least I can do for Chloe. Besides, since when have I only written about the good things that have happened to me?
I needed some air so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I grabbed my journal and a pen.
Too bad Blackwell didn't think to install a swing set.
I stepped outside the building and turned to quietly shut the door behind me. I turned to look at the dormitory grounds. I froze when I saw someone sat on one of the benches.
Shit, who else would be out here at this time of night?
I cautiously moved towards them. As I got closer I realised they were crying. As I got even closer I realised who it was…
"Logan?"
He looked over his shoulder at me and wiped his eyes and nose with his hand.
"What are you doing out here?" He said.
"Couldn't sleep. Needed to clear my head. Are you…okay?" I asked.
"What the fuck do you care?"
As I looked at Logan I realised I had never seen him like this. In any timeline.
"I didn't think I did. You just seemed like some meat head jock."
"Yeah, well maybe that's all I am," he said sniffling.
"Doesn't look like it to me," I said as I sat down beside him.
"You mean 'cos I'm out here crying like a pussy?"
"It's okay to cry, Logan. I've been doing plenty of that recently. You need to get all that crap out of your system somehow, right?" He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Look, Logan. I know I gave you a hard time yesterday. But I'm sorry, if you try to hurt Dana I am not holding back."
"I don't want to hurt her, Max," he insisted.
"Then you have to stop harassing her, and getting into fights with Trevor."
"That asshole started that. Got us both suspended."
"Then be the bigger person and don't rise to it. Trevor makes Dana happy. If you really care then be happy for her."
"Dana's not the only person I screwed over."
"Well, who else is there?"
"The baby…"
I went silent, not sure what the hell to say.
"I should have been there for Dana. I gave her no choice but to do what she did."
"That's not true, Logan. You weren't the only factor. Dana told me so herself."
Logan shook his head. "It's my fault. I'm an asshole…just like my dad…" Logan broke down in tears again. I awkwardly put my hand on his shoulder.
"What's your dad like?"
"I don't know, never met the asshole," Logan said as he fought to hold back his tears. "My mom was pregnant with me when she was young. She was the same age as Dana. My dad, whoever the hell he was, left my mom as soon as they finished high school and fucked off to another state. She raised me on her own."
"That must have been tough. For both of you," I said.
"She's never spoken to my dad since that. I've never met him. Don't even know his name."
"Have you talked to your mom about him?"
"No, I don't want her upset. She doesn't deserve that," he said.
"You still deserve to know who your dad is, if you want to."
"What's the point? He's just like me. An asshole who abandoned his kid."
"I'm sure you didn't make the decision lightly. Perhaps he didn't either."
"I swore if I ever had a kid I would be there for them. I wouldn't let them turn out like me. My promise was worth shit when it came down to it," he said.
"Dana was in a tough spot, Logan. But so were you. I don't blame you for wanting to run away from it all. It's exactly what I did when Chloe died. But I'm trying to not to do that anymore. You didn't do right by Dana at the time, but I can see you wish you had. So take that regret and use it, so you can make the right decisions from now on. Understand?" Logan nodded. "Does Dana know any of what you just told me?" I asked.
Logan shook his head. "Whenever I try and talk to her about this I get so angry and lose my cool."
"Then you need to control your temper. And tell Dana all of this."
"As if she'll talk to me now. I don't deserve her time."
"I can convince her to hear you out. The rest is down to you. If you screw it up then that's your problem, okay?"
"Okay, I just don't want her to be mad at me," said Logan. He looked down at my journal.
"What's that?" he asked.
"My journal. I came out here to clear my head a little before I wrote in it. I had another panic attack tonight which kinda ruined what was otherwise a pretty awesome day."
"I'm sorry. About the panic attack I mean. I'll leave you to it. Thanks for the pep talk, Max. You're actually pretty cool," he said as he stood up.
"And you're…not just some meat head jock, Logan. Good night," I said as he headed for the dorm building. I had a small smile as I heard the door to the building open and close.
Hey, Chloe. I'm back. Sorry I took so long but my head was in a pretty bad place. I'll get the crappy part out of the way first…I had another panic attack. This time caused by the gunshots in Halloween. I felt so embarrassed, like everyone would now need to triple check anything we do so that it doesn't trigger me. Of course, no-one is really thinking like that. It's just all in my head. It's funny, when Loomis shoots Michael he thinks he's killed him, only to find he's still out there and that he could still strike at any time. Seems appropriate I guess...
Anyway, now that's out the way I want to tell you about everything else that happened today. There's a lot actually. I already told you about the party, which was a lot of fun. So fun in fact I was able to take that picture. Again, I know there's probably more to it than that, and I'm too tired to risk trying with my camera right now, but it shows that normality is within reach. I even managed to inject some confidence into Daniel, especially after he won first prize for his costume (which he deserved). He seemed really grateful.
Maybe a little too grateful, actually. He tried to kiss me after the party and I rejected him. He took it well though and hopefully his confidence hasn't been knocked too hard. I really felt bad though, he's such a sweet guy. So is Warren. Apparently though I gravitate to naughty girls like you. Ugh…you know what? For the first time ever I'm glad you're not here. There's no way you would let me forget what I just said. I actually told Dana about us…kinda, anyway. Obviously I could never tell anyone the full story. But Dana knows that I had...have feelings for you. She asked me if you felt the same. Guess I'll never know. Not that it matters whether you did or not, seeing as you aren't here…
Alright, I'll move on before I drive myself into a worse place. Because there were actually a lot of little victories today. Courtney apologised for joining in with Victoria's bullying and seems to be trying not to make the same mistakes again. Brooke apologised for the way she acted back when Warren was chasing my affections. I honestly hadn't thought about it but hey, I'll take one less potential enemy at Blackwell (and hopefully another friend). Speaking of enemies, the war between Dana and Victoria seems to be over. Well, probably better to call it a ceasefire for now but things are looking hopeful. Taylor and Courtney seem to have stopped avoiding Kate and hopefully it's only a matter of time before Victoria follows suit. Even Logan, as I just found out, isn't just a simple asshole. Don't get me wrong, he can still act like one but it comes from a painful place. I'll have to talk to Dana tomorrow but I can probably convince her to hear him out. He deserves one final shot to make things as right as he can.
So yeah, the panic attack really set me back at the end of the day, but today was still really awesome when I think back on it. Like your mom said, I'll still have the memories of today, whatever happens. Including some nice new ones when I look at our pirate gear. I suspect Jefferson will still be there tonight when I close my eyes, but I'll tackle him head on. It's what Super Max would do.
Take care,
Love Max xx
A/N 29/06/18 - An unfortunate heads up but the next chapter will likely not be coming until the end of August. I have other writing projects (that have actual deadlines to meet) and so I hope you all understand this will have to take a back seat. After that however I will hopefully be more free to upload new chapters on a slightly more frequent basis.
While you're here I might aswell point that thirteen months ago I uploaded what was intended as a one off epilogue to my favourite game of all time...and this thing is still going. To everyone who is still here, thank you so much for sticking with this crazy ride. We've still a LONG way to go to the end but I intend to get there however long it takes :)