I knocked on Dana's door and waited. She opened the door and was still wearing her bed clothes.
"Hey, Max! Morning," she said.
"Morning, Dana," I replied before letting out a huge yawn.
"Sorry, didn't get as much sleep as I wanted last night," I said. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure," she said as she stepped aside. I walked into her room and she shut the door behind me.
"I don't know if I should ask or not," she said. "But are you…"
"Okay after last night? Yeah, I think so. Sorry again if I ruined the movie."
"You didn't ruin anything, Max. I'm sorry, it never even crossed my mind that…"
"It never crossed my mind either, Dana. So how could you possibly know? I'm okay. Also, I appreciate you giving Victoria a chance," I said.
"I'm still not a hundred percent convinced you're right about her, Max. But do I trust you. I trust Kate too. I'm still keeping my guard up for now though."
I rolled my eyes.
"I'll take that for now, I guess. Just don't go starting anything with her, okay?" I requested. Dana held up her hands.
"Promise," she said.
"Good, because I need you to give one more person another chance."
"Who?"
"Logan."
"Why? You saw the way he was to me."
"I did and he was an asshole. But I talked to him last night and…it should all come from him, but he has his reasons for being that way."
"I don't care what his reasons are, Max. I don't owe him anything after what he did."
"You're right, Dana, you don't," I said. "And I'm not saying his actions are justified. But I don't think you want things to stay like this if they really don't have to. Just give him one chance to explain himself. If he blows it then there's nothing more I can ask of you." Dana frowned at me for a moment. "I'd never force you to do anything, Dana," I said.
"I know you wouldn't, Max. But if you managed to convince Victoria to play nice then Logan must have been a piece of cake."
"I wouldn't say that. I guess I just…see more in people than I used to. Even then it doesn't mean I'm always right."
"No, but you do have a decent track record," Dana said with a smile. "Fine, I'll give him one more chance."
"If it blows up in your face, just please don't go hating me," I asked.
Dana laughed. "I already did that to you with Trevor. I'm not doing that to you again, Max. Whatever happens."
"Thanks. And if it doesn't end well, you know I'm here for you."
Dana and I gave each other a quick hug.
"I know you are, Max. I guess I'll do it as soon as I can. Like pulling off a band aid."
"Good luck, Dana. I'll see you later."
"Later, Max!" I opened the door and left Dana's room.
I got dressed for school and made some time to check my laptop. As the tab opened up on the local news I saw a headline. MARK JEFFERSON TRIAL DATE SET. I clicked through after hesitating.
After doing some reading it tuned out Jefferson's trial would begin on Monday, November 11th. Just over a week away. It also sounded like his lawyer would be provided by Sean Prescott, who would be standing trial separately on his alleged aiding in Jefferson's crimes. It also reiterated that Nathan was still mentally unfit to stand trial and was still receiving treatment at Oregon State Hospital.
I shut my laptop down, not wanting to have any image of Jefferson come into my head.
Asshole. You'll get what's coming to you.
I sat down to lunch in the cafeteria.
"Max!"
I looked up to see Warren and Brooke approaching me with their own trays.
"Hey, guys," I said as they both sat down opposite me.
"How are you?" Warren asked.
"I'm good."
"You sure?" He said. I looked over at Brooke and saw a dash of guilt across her face.
"Sorry," she said. "I probably shouldn't have said anything."
"It's okay, Brooke. I might as well start scheduling my breakdowns so people can keep up. How does tomorrow, about 4am sound?"
Brooke and Warren laughed.
"For real though, Max," Warren said. "The only thing worse than that is having to stay away from Halloween."I laughed.
"Yes, Warren. That is the real tragedy," Brooke said with a roll of her eyes.
"Hey, it's a classic," he said.
"So what do you suggest I watch instead?" I asked.
"Nightmare on Elm Street?" He suggested.
"Oh, God no," I said with a laugh. "Chloe and I-" I paused for a moment. Warren and Brooke looked at me apprehensively. "Chloe and I watched it when I was like, ten," I continued. "Chloe thought it was awesome. It scared the absolute crap out of me. I had nightmares for weeks," I laughed. Warren and Brooke chuckled.
"Then now that your older and braver, you should give it another shot," Brooke said.
"I'll see." I looked past Warren and Brooke to see Kate walking along with her tray. She smiled as I gave her a quick wave.
"Hey, guys," she said as she sat down next to us.
"Hey, Kate," we all said.
"Almost the weekend," Kate said. "Anyone have any plans?"
"Just keeping on top of homework," I said.
"We're going down to the drive thru in Newburg," Brooke said.
"No way, that sounds cool," Kate replied.
"What about you?" Warren asked.
"I'm thinking about going out and taking some photos. Haven't really done that since…" she trailed off. "We could take some together, Max. Could be fun."
"Oh, er…yeah, maybe. Depends if I have time, with all my homework and stuff."
"It's okay, it was just a thought. Regardless I have some news that should make you happy."
"Oh yeah?"
"I think I'm going to try joining the study hall sessions in the photography classroom again."
"That's awesome, Kate," Brooke said.
"Yeah, good for you." Warren added.
"Are you sure?" I said. Everyone looked at me.
"What do you mean?" Said Kate.
"I- I just mean are you absolutely sure you think you're ready to go back in that room?"
"I think so."
"If you only think so then it might be best to hold off for a little longer. It's no fun getting ahead of yourself, trust me," I said.
"No, of course," said Kate. "I don't want to set myself back even further. Maybe you're right."
I just shoved some food in my mouth so I wouldn't have to talk more.
"It's just that..." Kate said. "You've all heard about Mark Jefferson's trial being set, right?" The rest of us nodded. "Well, I've been called to testify if I feel able to. My family have said they'll support me no matter what but the thought of being back in the same room as…him scares me. So I thought if I was at least able to go back in the classroom then maybe it meant I could…But you're probably right. I don't want to push myself if I'm not really ready. There are plenty of other girls testifying. So it'll be okay."
We all ate our lunch as Kate, Warren and Brooke talked. I just kept my mouth shut.
RIIIIIIIING!
As I walked out of the school building I shivered at the chill in the air. I saw Daniel ahead of me, putting something away in his bag. A couple of jocks approached him and one of them kicked his bag over.
"Hey!" Daniel said standing up.
"Your fault for being in the way, loser," the same jock said.
"You did that on purpose," Daniel said. "I want an apology." The two jocks just laughed. I clenched my fists as I continued watching.
"You win one stupid costume contest and think you're king of the school?" The other jock said.
"No, I just want to be treated with respect. So apologise. Please," Daniel faltered. The two jocks laughed again. Before I could march up to them, Logan appeared from behind me and went over himself.
"Hey, assholes," he said. "Back off."
"You serious, dude?" The first jock said.
"Yeah," said the other. "You're the one who-"
"I'm telling you leave him alone. Say sorry and back off," Logan said. The other two jocks looked at each other before looking back at Daniel.
"Sorry..." they both mumbled before walking away. Logan just gave Daniel a quick nod before walking away in the other direction. I approached Daniel.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked.
"Yes, just not sure what just happened," Daniel said.
I laughed. "I think Logan just stood up for you, Daniel."
"Yes, and I'm still not sure what happened," he said.
"Looks like you were doing most of the work yourself anyway. I've never seen you stand up for yourself like that before. Good for you."
"Thank you, I guess I'm still riding on my win from last night. And er...Max, I'm sorry about..."
"It's cool Daniel. Nothing to be sorry for."
Daniel nodded. "I need to get going," he said as he zipped up his bag. "Have a great weekend, Max."
"You too, Daniel. Bye."
As Daniel left I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked to see who was calling.
Joyce?
I answered and put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Max, darling. I hope I didn't call you in class," she replied.
"No, I just got out, Joyce. It's good."
"That's okay then."
There was a pause.
"Is something wrong, Joyce?" I asked.
"No, not at all," she said. "I was just wondering, Max, if you wanted to spend the weekend at our house again?"
"Oh."
"It's not a kidnapping," she chuckled. "It was just a thought."
"I mean, I guess it would be nice. Only if it's okay with you and David?"
"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't, Max. I've almost finished my shift, I can pick you up in an hour?"
"Okay, Joyce. Actually I have a bike now so I can get there myself. Just let me know when you're back and I'll come over."
"Okay, Max. David's home actually so you can come right over when you're ready."
"Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye, Joyce."
"Bye, Max."
I hung up.
Was not expecting that, but it may be what I need right now.
I cycled over to Joyce's home. I had my bag with the schoolbooks I needed. I had thought about bringing my camera but, even with my boost from taking a picture at the Halloween party, I still didn't want to risk it. I arrived and rang the doorbell.
David answered the door.
"Max?" He said. "Something wrong?"
"Um, Joyce invited me to stay the weekend again. Didn't she tell you?"
"No. No, she didn't actually."
"Oh. Well, if it's a problem-"
"No, I'm sorry, Max. Of course you're welcome here. Come in," he said as he stepped aside.
Later on, David, Joyce and I were in the living room watching tv. There were on the couch together while I sat in the blue chair. The local news came on as I let out a huge yawn.
"News too boring for you, Max?" David said looking over at me. I laughed.
"No, just tired," I said.
"Well, that doesn't bode well for another week at school," Joyce chuckled.
"No, but I'll manage."
"I know you will, Max," she said. I smiled at Joyce. That smile was wiped from my face at the words of the newscaster.
"...the trial of Mark Jefferson has been scheduled to take place at Oregon Supreme Court on Monday, November 11th. Mark Jefferson is accused of-"
David switched off the tv. I looked over at him and saw him breathing heavily. Joyce immediately put her arm around him.
"I'm going to bed," said David as he quickly got to his feet.
"Then I'm coming up too," Joyce said as she stood up.
"I think I will too," I said as I let out another yawn.
I struggled to lift my arms. I slowly opened my eyes to see a blinding light being shone in my face. I winced as I heard a familiar voice.
"This captures your innocence perfectly."
"No…please no." I whimpered.
"Oh, yes," Jefferson said. "Don't worry though, Max. You aren't alone today." He approached me and put his hands on my arms. I struggled but it was no use. He held my arms forcefully as he turned my chair around to face the other way. When he stepped out of the way I saw someone lying on the floor bound and unconscious.
"I didn't want Miss Marsh to miss out on being made a subject too," Jefferson said as he approached her with his camera.
"No, get away from her!" I yelled. Jefferson kneeled down beside Kate and started snapping photos. I screamed again. Jefferson marched right over and slapped me across the face.
"I don't know why you're screaming at me. She's here because of you."
"No. No…" I said as tears streamed down my face.
"Don't deny it, Max. Kate wanted to get better. To get past all this. But you held her back, didn't you? Some hero you are. Putting yourself before everyone else."
"I- I've earn- earned that," I cried.
"So you don't deny it then? That sounds like corruption to me," he said with a smile. I screamed until everything went white.
I sat bolt upright in Chloe's bed, covered in sweat. I threw off the bed covers and sat on the edge of the bed. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I clasped them together, leaned forward and shut my eyes. I cried silently as I waited to regain control of my breathing and for my hands to stop shaking. When I calmed down and wiped my tears away, I looked at the clock time on my phone. The time was 4:30am. I sighed.
I am so not in the mood to go through that again.
I got out of bed and quietly opened the bedroom door. I quietly crept downstairs and into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and gulped it down. I put the glass in the sink and sighed again.
Too wired to sleep, too exhausted to do anything. Is that even possible?
I wandered into the living room and saw the VCR was still set up. I paused for a moment before grabbing one of the VHS tapes off the shelf and inserting it into the VCR. I switched on the TV and sat down on the couch.
"Max, honey?"
I slowly opened my eyes to see Joyce stood over me in her bath robe. I quickly looked around and realised I had fallen asleep on the couch. The VHS had reached the end leaving a blank screen on the TV. I rubbed my eyes.
"Well good morning," Joyce said. "You know you have a bed, don't you?" she chuckled. Joyce looked at the TV and then back at me. "You okay?"
"Yeah…" I said. Joyce raised her eyebrows. "Okay, I had a nightmare last night and couldn't sleep. So I came down here to have a glass of water and watch old videos of Chloe and I. Like I'm a little kid or something," I said. Joyce sat down next to me and put her arm around me.
"Max, don't be silly. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Whatever it takes for you to heal." I just nodded. "And I hate to be the one what always has to say this, but if you've told me this then-"
"Tell my parents. I will, Joyce. Later," I promised. She smiled and gave me a motherly kiss on the forehead.
"At least you've got the weekend to yourself. Some of us have to go to work," Joyce said as she stood up.
"You can ask for time off, Joyce. It's the least you deserve."
"I know I could. I don't think it would do me good though. I prefer to stay busy. Besides I do have next weekend off. First one in a long while," she said. "I'll be out the most of the day, but David will be up soon."
"Thank, Joyce. But I'll be okay."
"You want some breakfast before I go? Waffles or pancakes perhaps?" She said with a smile.
"You'll be cooking plenty of those today, Joyce. I'll just grab some cereal."
A little while later and I was upstairs in Chloe's room doing some homework. I was still working to keep up to date with the new homework I was being given each week. The major casualty was Algebra which I had fallen further and further behind in. My teacher was being undeniably patient with me, but I felt like I was just trying her patience at this point.
Looks like Stella is my only other option. Really have no choice at this point. Homework has me beaten for now, what else is on my to do list? Take pictures. Probably not a good idea. Plus I didn't even bring my camera. Get to the lighthouse? Also not a good idea. I know I need to call my parents and update them. The longer I wait the worse it will feel so…
I grabbed my cell phone and called my parents' number. I put the phone to my ear and drummed my fingers on the desk slowly to try and alleviate my nerves.
"Hello?" Dad said at the other end.
"Hey, Pop. It's me, just checking in," I said.
"Hey, kiddo. Your mom's out doing some grocery shopping right now. How are you?"
"I'm okay. Joyce invited me to spend the weekend at her house again so I'm here right now."
"That's nice to hear. Tell Joyce your mom and I appreciate what she's doing."
"I will."
"Is there something else you wanted to tell me about?" Dad said, clearly knowing I wouldn't have called otherwise.
"Um…yeah."
"I'm listening sweetheart," he said gently. I got up and laid down on Chloe's bed, staring at the ceiling as I spoke to Dad.
"I had another panic attack on Thursday. I was watching a movie with the other girls in my dorm and it had some gunshots which…triggered me."
"I'm sorry, kiddo. You okay?" Dad said.
"Yeah. It actually happened after what was probably the best night I'd had since Chloe died. I went to the Blackwell Halloween party and had an awesome night."
"That's great, Max. Did you wear a costume?"
"Kinda. Only a shirt, an eye patch, and bandana," I said. My dad chuckled.
"As in a pirate?"
"Yeah."
"I remember Chloe and you were both obsessed when you were little. I think we spent more on pirate stuff than on your photography equipment," Dad said.
I laughed. "It wasn't that bad, Dad."
"I know, sweetheart. I'm just glad to hear you can still enjoy yourself through everything that's happened. It'll become more frequent as time goes on. Don't forget that, okay?"
"I won't."
"Was there anything else?"
I hesitated and said nothing for a few seconds. "Actually, yeah. Can I get your advice on something?"
"Of course you can."
"My friend Kate Marsh, she was…she was one of Mark Jefferson's victims. She's likely going to be called as a witness during his trial but she's afraid of being back in the same room as him again."
"Okay."
"She'd asked to have the study hall sessions, that are replacing our Language of Photography classes, in another classroom. I've been spending them with her so she wasn't alone. She said to me yesterday that she thinks she wants to start being back in the photography room so she'll be more prepared for the trial."
"And what did you say?"
"I told her it might not be the best idea. That if she wasn't really ready then it could just set her back further. I don't think that was the right thing to say."
"Well, you were just using your own experiences to give her advice, Max," said Dad. "Sometimes we have to be told things we don't want to hear, even when it's for the best."
"That's the thing Dad, I didn't say that for Kate."
"What do you mean?"
I sighed and sat up on the edge of the bed.
"I didn't really say I'd be with Kate in the study hall sessions for her either," I said. "I did it because I…hate thinking about Jefferson. He was one of my heroes and he turned out to be a monster. I hate being reminded of him. It's stopped me from even being able to take photos. So when Kate wanted to stay out of the photography classroom I jumped at the chance to use her as an excuse to do the same. That was fine when she was happy to be out of the classroom but now I've just stopped her from going back. If she really wants to go back and perhaps be at the trial…Pop, just answer me honestly, okay?"
"Okay," he said.
"Am I just being selfish?" I asked.
I heard my dad sigh.
"Just tell me what you think. I won't be upset," I assured him.
"Max, your mother and have always wanted what's best for you," he said. "At one time, after you lost Chloe and were struggling at school, we thought the best thing to do was to bring you home. We thought you would want to as well. Then, after you spoke to Joyce, you changed your mind and said you thought you should stay. Your mother and I wanted to try and convince you otherwise but you were confident and said that you believed you could get through everything and that you needed us to believe it to. Your mother and I had only see you be this confident in something once before. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what that was."
"No. I know," I said.
"And we could both see how much you believed it. So, we knew we had to let you stay. To let you try. And we told you that if things didn't work out and you needed to come home then we'd be here. Despite some of the relapses that you've experienced in the past few weeks, can you honestly say you regret staying in Arcadia Bay?"
I thought for a moment and the answer was obvious.
"No. I don't."
"And even if you did, you know you can rely on us if things go the other way, right?"
"Yeah, I know you're there for me if I need to come home."
"Then I think you know where I'm going with all this," he said.
"Yeah. So I have just been selfish," I admitted.
"Max…" Dad said before letting out a sigh. "Maybe, but no-one goes their whole lives without being selfish. Sometimes our selfish wants align with what other people want. Sometimes they don't. What you do when they don't align, shows what sort of person you really are."
"When we moved away, I had no idea what to say to Chloe after William died," I said. "I didn't contact her because I was so worried about what to say and how she'd react if I said the wrong thing. I only did nothing because I was thinking about myself."
"Max…"
"If I had done something then maybe things would be different. But they aren't. All I can do is try to do the right things from now on. And I know what the right thing is regarding, Kate," I said.
"That's my girl," Dad said. "I'm proud of you, Max."
"Thanks, Pop. And thanks for the advice."
"Any time, sweetheart. Don't forget to tell Joyce we said thank you for letting you stay."
"I won't, Dad. I'm going to call Kate now and talk to her. Talk you soon."
"Goodbye, sweetheart. Love you," he said.
"Love you too, Pop. Bye." I hung up and wasted no time in selecting Kate from my contacts.
"Hello?" She answered.
"Hey, Kate. It's Max."
"Hey, Max. What's up?"
"About our conversation yesterday…"
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to be able to go back in the photography classroom without those awful thoughts of Jefferson?"
"Well, of course."
"Do you want to try?"
"Yes, but what if I'm not as ready as I think I am?"
"Then I'm here for you. So is everyone else. You're not alone, Kate. If things don't work out then we'll get through it together. I'm sorry for telling you not to try yesterday. You won't know what you can do if you don't try. So if you want to, then we'll do it, okay?
"Oh, Max. Thank you so much. I'm still really nervous about going back, but okay. I'll do it."
"Awesome. I'll see you at school."
"Thanks again, Max. Bye!
"Bye!"
I hung up and laid back on Chloe's bed.
At least Kate's happy. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.
Sunday, 3rd November 2013
Dear Chloe,
Hope you're okay. I've spent the weekend with your mom and David. It's nice that she invited me, makes me feel less nervous if I ever need to ask her myself. Besides, who would I turn to for VHS tapes of us as kids?
I've had to rely on them to bring my back down to earth after my nightmares and help me sleep more peacefully. I feel like Jefferson is taunting me personally. Asshole. And it's not like I can tell anyone the full truth of what happened to me. At least Kate doesn't have to hide. Speaking of which, we're going back to the photography classroom on Monday. I don't know who's more nervous.
If it helps Kate, and means she can maybe show up the trial then it's worth it. I just wish I didn't have to put my own mental health are stake for it to happen. Maybe I'm just making myself out to be a martyr for no reason. Maybe I can do it. If I can, that's just one more thing to cross off the list and get me closer to being able to take photos again. I can do this. I think.
Love Max xx
As I got dressed for school I had a horrible feeling in my stomach that things were going to go wrong. I looked at my rug on the floor which read "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON."
That's about all I have right now.
I quickly logged onto my laptop. The first thing that greeted me was the new page my browser defaulted to. The biggest headline was about Jefferson.
Ugh.
I sent a quick message to Kristen asking how her weekend was and then closed my laptop. I opened my journal and looked at my "Max Motivation" page. I hadn't actually looked at for a little while, but now more than ever I needed anything at all that could bring me comfort. I took a deep sigh and left my room. I saw Stella was leaving her room further down the hall.
"Hey, Max," she said.
"Morning, Stella," I replied as we met up and both headed for the exit.
"Have a nice weekend?" she asked.
"It was okay. I was with Joyce and David for the weekend again, trying to keep up with homework."
"Ugh, tell me about it," she said.
We went down the stairs and outside and continued our conversation.
"I actually visited my foster parents again at the weekend," she said. "I was stressing about it for most of the week."
"Really, how come?"
"I always show them my school work so they can see how well I'm doing. Only this time, I got a C on one of my papers."
"Well a C isn't so bad, is it?" I said.
"It is for me," she replied. "I was so embarrassed showing it to them. I'd hate for them to think I'm not taking school seriously."
"I'm sure they don't think that, Stella. We all have a slip up but I'm sure you'll bounce back."
"I hope so."
"I hope so too. For my sake I mean. I've admitted defeat on Algebra so I'll need your expertise."
"Oh really! That's great, Max. I mean, not for you, but I'm really in need of some money right now."
"Well you're in luck. I have a few weeks worth for backlog for you to help me with."
"Cool, I'm busy today and tomorrow, but after school on Wednesday I'm happy to sit down with you."
"Sounds good, so what's the charge?"
"Twenty dollars a session."
"Whoa, that's kinda..
"A lot? It is, but I guarantee you'll come away more confident and understand what you're doing," she promised.
"Okay, well, if it's guaranteed then I'll hold you to it."
"Great, you'll see, Max. You'll be a math genius in no time."
I laughed.
"I don't think even you can make that happen, Stella," I said as we reached the school yard. I saw Dana sat on the brick wall with Trevor.
"Max, come here!" Dana called out.
I waved bye to Stella and went to join them.
"Morning, Dana. Hey Trevor."
"Yo, Max," he said.
"So what's up?"
"I talked to Logan at the weekend," she said.
"Oh, okay. How did it go?"
"He explained himself, without losing his temper."
"And?"
"I told him it didn't excuse his behaviour, but that I understood."
"And how did he take it?"
"He seemed okay. He said that he wanted to still be friends but only if I wanted us to be. I told him that we'd see, which again, he seemed to be okay with."
"I'm glad it went well," I said.
"Thanks to you, the jock whisperer," Dana said with a wink.
RIIIIIIIIIING!
Having got through most the day, I had reached the part I was dreading most. I packed away my things and left the Math classroom. I made my way through the bustling corridors and towards the lockers outside the photography classroom. I opened up my own locker to to put some books away. I looked at the photos on the inside of my locker door: Mom and Dad, Jack, Andy and of course Chloe and I. I smiled at them all.
"Hey, Max."
I quickly shut my locker as I turned to see Kate stood behind me.
"Kate. You okay?"
"Yeah, just…" she glanced at the classroom we were about to enter.
"I know," I said. "It'll be okay though. You can do this."
"I hope so."
Kate and I walked shoulder to shoulder to the classroom doorway. We both stopped. Kate let out a deep breath as I stared at the inside of the room. Kate stepped into the room. After a moment of hesitation I followed her in. I looked around and saw it looked no different than when I last saw it. Well, there were some spaces on the walls where Jefferson's magazine covers had clearly been removed. Not that I was complaining. Victoria and Taylor were already at their usual table. They stopped talking when we walked in.
"Hey, Kate. Hey, Max," Taylor said.
"Hey," we both said.
"So you're back," Victoria said to Kate.
"Yeah, I mean, maybe. I'm gonna see how this goes first," she said. Victoria and Taylor nodded.
"If you need something, just ask," Taylor said.
"Thanks," Kate said as she made her way over to her usual desk. She looked at it for a moment.
"You okay?" I asked. Kate turned to me.
"Mind if I sit at your table?" She asked.
"Of course not," I said. Kate grabbed her chair and moved it over to my usual table. I sat down in my seat. I looked up at the familiar view of the room. I looked out of the window at the campus green. In my peripheral vision I saw two more people enter the room: Stella and Alyssa. They gave a quick wave to Victoria and Taylor. They spotted Kate and I and came over.
"Hey, guys," Alyssa said. "Mind if we join you?"
"Sure," Kate said as they grabbed seats and sat around the tables with us. A minute later Daniel showed up and took his seat, followed by Hayden. When the teacher showed up we had to keep our conversations down and start working. At one point Stella twirled her pencil and dropped it. I swore in that moment I heard Jefferson's voice drift into my head. I looked over at a table in the corner of the room and suddenly remembered something. The night Chloe and I broke in to the school to find information on Rachel. I had to make that makeshift bomb. When I looked for the materials I came into this room and found…
Duct tape. Shit, was that the same duct tape he used on me? Kate? Those other girls?
And just like that my hands began trembling. I quickly put them under the desk so no-one would see. As the shaking became more violent, my breathing got a lot more difficult to control. I did my best to hide what was going on as everyone else carried on working. Eventually it subsided and was able to bring my hands back up above the desk. I was able to finish the rest of the period, but not without a sickly feeling in my stomach.
RIIIIIING!
I quickly put my things away. I wanted to run straight out of the room, but I couldn't just leave Kate behind.
"So how was that?" I asked Kate. She smiled.
"There were a few moments where some stuff…came back. But the rest of the time it was okay. Having all of you around me definitely helped," she said.
It didn't help me.
"Great, so we're back tomorrow then?" I said.
"Yeah, I think so," she said.
"Way to go, Kate," Stella said.
"Yeah, you did it," Alyssa added.
"Thanks guys," Kate said as we walked to the door.
"I'll see you guys outside, just need to grab some stuff from my locker," I said. I separated from the group and went over to my locker. I didn't really need anything. I just wanted to be alone. I opened the door and stared inside. I let out a sigh.
"Max?"
I jumped and looked to my right. Victoria was stood there. Behind her I could see Taylor further down the hall talking to Courtney.
"You okay?" Victoria said.
"You scared the crap out of me," I said.
"Sorry."
"No. I'm sorry, Victoria. It's just…nothing."
Victoria moved a little closer.
"I saw your hands shaking in class, Max. Are you okay?" Victoria looked at the photo of Chloe and I in my locker.
"I'm…fine," I said as I closed my locker door. Victoria didn't look convinced.
"If you say so. If you need to talk or whatever, I'm here, okay?"
I just nodded as Victoria left to go join Taylor and Courtney. I went to close my locker door. I stopped and opened it back up. I took the photo of Chloe and I and put it into my bag.
Tuesday, November 5th 2013
Dear Chloe,
Going back in the photography classroom right now was definitely a mistake. At least it's only three times a week. Well, four including photography lab. Shit. I forgot about that. We're supposed to do practical work tomorrow. That's a problem when I can't take a photo without having a panic attack. Maybe if I get Dana to throw a party during the class? Yeah, probably not.
At least it's helping Kate. It's the least I owe her when she pretty much single handedly got me out of my slump. Maybe once the trial is over and she's done her part I can think about finding some excuse.
It's just when I step in there all I can think about is Jefferson. And thinking about him so much in the day means I get more stressed about my nightmares. Which only increases my chances of having them and how bad they'll be. It's exhausting. I've been bringing the photo of us back and forth from school. There's just something comforting about having it in my room before I go to sleep. Even if it does nothing to stop my nightmares.
Sorry for whining so much, Chloe. But you're literally the only person I can talk to about all this. And it's not like you can even respond…
Hella happy ending, I know.
Sorry.
Love Max xx
RIIIIIIIING!
After grabbing my photo of Chloe and I from my locker I headed for the exit. As I passed the doorway to the assistants office I saw her talking to Principal Wells. He saw me and smiled. I stopped as he stepped out of the office.
"Max, how are you?"
"I'm-" I stopped for a second as a strange smell hit my nose. "I'm okay, Principal Wells."
"You sure?"
"Yes, just need to head back to my dorm. I'm studying with Stella."
"Then I won't keep you. See you tomorrow," he said. I quickly took a sniff to check I hadn't been imagining it.
"See you tomorrow," I said as I left.
That smelled an awful lot like alcohol on his breath.
I knocked on Stella's door.
"Just a second!" After what was definitely more than a second she opened the door.
"Max, come on in," she said as she stepped aside.
"Hey, Stella," I said as I walked in. Her room was immaculately neat. Her desk was in the corner with her laptop and stacks of books. At the side was a bookcase filled with even more books.
Stella sat down on the floor. She already had her papers and text books organised.
"Ready to get to work?"
I sat down on the floor and opened my bag.
"Let's do it."
A half hour later and I had to admit, Stella really was a great tutor. I was finally understanding things better now, even if she did have to explain it to me like I was a six year old.
"...and so you carry that to make x cubed…" Stella said.
"...Into X to the power of six," I said.
"Hey, there you go. You got it."
"Yeah, seems I do."
"We'll take a quick break. I need to use the bathroom anyway," said Stella as she stood up.
"Okay."
Stella got up and left the room, shutting the door behind her. I flicked my pen back and fourth between my fingers as I studied the next question. Only for my pen to fly right out of my hand and go under Stella's bed.
"Shit."
There must have been less than a two inch gap under her bed so I could barely squeeze my hand under. I fumbled around under the bed until I felt something…that was definitely not my pen. I managed to get a hold of it and pull it out. It was a prescription bottle with a few pills in it. There was no label on it. I quickly got my phone out and shined the light under the bed. I could see my pen, right next to a small baggie of something. I decided to quickly put the pills back under the bed. A wise decision as Stella returned the second I sat back down.
"Everything okay?" Stella asked.
"Er, yeah. It's just I lost my pen under your bed and can't get my hand under. Think you can try?" I saw a quick flash of panic across Stella's face that I pretended not to notice.
"Yeah, sure." Stella got down on her knees and looked under the bed as I pretended to look at my notes. Stella retrieved my pen and gave it back to me.
"Ready to get back to it?" She said.
"Yeah," I said.
Another half hour later and we finished our tuition session. My discovery was on my mind which caused my concentration to falter.
"We'll call it there. I'm happy to provide another session if you need more help," said Stella.
"I'll see how I feel. You've definitely set me on the right track, Stella."
"Happy to help, Max," she said with a smile. I gathered my things and went to leave the room.
"Max?" I turned around.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Huh?"
"You just seemed a little distracted. Everything okay?"
"Oh. Oh, yeah. Just stuff on my mind, that's all. Nothing I haven't been thinking about the past few weeks," I said with a shrug.
"Of course. Sorry, Max. I didn't mean to pry."
"It's okay. Oh, crap. Almost forgot." I took twenty dollars out of my pocket and handed it to Stella. "Thanks again. I'll see you later," I said.
"See you later, Max," Stella said as I left the room.
Wednesday, November 6th 2013
Dear Chloe,
So Photography Lab sucked hard. It was nothing but an hour and twenty five minutes of me helping other people with their photos so I could avoid having to take any of my own. Hearing the sounds of Victoria's digital camera go off did nothing to help, it just made me think of me lying drugged on the floor while Jefferson indulged in his sick desires. I tried to distract myself as much as possible. It worked today but I can't keep that up every week. I'll have no choice but to take photos soon and I don't know if I can.
At least I've finally taken some steps to solve my Algebra crisis. I had a tuition session with Stella and she really did provide a great service. Though I would hope so if she's charging twenty bucks an hour. Unfortunately I think I found the reason why. I guess I shouldn't say unfortunately, it's not like I'm judging her. Now that I think about it I remember seeing Stella's name in Frank's black book. At the time I didn't think about it but it seems this is how she stays on top of school. I know she doesn't have a lot of money so I don't know how she's affording it. She can't be tutoring everybody.
Like I say, I'm really not judging her. I didn't judge you for your wake and bake sessions after all. We all have different ways of dealing with things I guess and so long as no-one gets hurt it's okay.
I'd better get to sleep, one more study hall session in that classroom and things will hopefully be a little easier.
For this week at least.
Love Max xx
Thursday, November 7th 2013
Dear Chloe,
I made it through the last session in the photography room but it's really not helping me. I swear my nightmares are getting worse. Before it was at least just the same bullshit. I wake up in the dark room, Jefferson talks crap and then I wake up. I was even getting to the point I could tell it was a dream right away, which made it (slightly) less horrible.
Now the dreams are becoming harder to tell from reality at first. They're becoming more cruel. The only thing that's keeping me going is knowing that I can hopefully stay with Joyce at the weekend and be able to use those videos of you and I to keep me sane.
At least I hope they will.
Chloe I just realised something...It's been exactly one month since "that week" began. When I saw you get shot for the first time, but not the last. I don't know whether this technically counts as the day you died, or whether it was the Friday, when I went back in time to let it happen...
I really don't want to think about this right now.
Love Max xx
RIIIIIIIING!
I packed away my things as another school week ended. As soon as I got outside I got out my phone. I called Joyce's home.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Joyce. It's Max."
"Max, darling. Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I was just wondering if I could possibly stay with you again this weekend?"
"Oh. Max, I'm so sorry. David and I are going away for the weekend. I'm really sorry."
Shit.
"No. No it's okay, Joyce. I hope you and David have a great time. I'll still see you next week."
"You will. Is there anything you want from our house before we go away? We're not leaving for a couple of hours."
Yes. Your TV, VCR and VHS collection please, Joyce.
"No, it's okay."
"I really am sorry, Max."
"Don't be Joyce. It's fine. Enjoy your weekend."
"You too, Max. Bye."
"Bye." I hung up and put my phone away.
It's alright, Max. Not the end of the world. It just means you'll have to deal with the nightmares alone. You can do it.
"Max? Max?"
"Huh?" I turned to see Kate stood with Alyssa and Stella outside the photography classroom.
"You ready?" Stella said. "We don't want to be late. I've heard the new teacher's very strict."
"New teacher?" I said.
"For photography? Come on, let's sit down," Alyssa said gesturing for me to follow them. I walked in and quickly sat down at my usual table. I looked up to see Kate had sat down at her table near the window.
"Kate?" I said. She didn't respond. I looked over at Victoria and Taylor.
"I can't wait to see our new teacher," Said Victoria.
"Me neither," Taylor replied. "I hear he's really hot."
RIIIIIIIIIING!
The bell rang so loud I had to cover my ears.
"Alright, alright. Settle down everyone!" I heard someone yell over the ringing. When the ringing stopped I lowered my hands.
"Hello, everyone."
No. God, no.
"My name is Mark Jefferson, Mister Jefferson to you all, and I will be teaching you the Language of Photography this year." I went to stand up but legs were numb. The harder I tried to stand the more I just sank into my seat.
"Now," Jefferson continued. "Photography has been around for as long as-"
"SHUT UP!" I screamed. Jefferson stopped talking.
"It sounds to me like someone else wants to teach the class," he said. "Is that it, Max?" I shut my eyes and began to cry.
"If you're not going to shut you up…" he said. "Then I'll do it myself."
I head the sound of duct tape being ripped and then felt him press it over my mouth. I opened my eyes to find myself in the dark room with Jefferson stood in front of me. Strapped to a chair, my screaming muffled by the tape.
"I hope you enjoy my latest subject, Max," Jefferson said as he stepped aside. I looked at the floor to see lights set up to illuminate someone lying on the floor.
Chloe…
Her body in the exact same position I'd seen before, with a bullet wound in her stomach.
"I'm very grateful to Nathan for delivering this to me. He got in a bit trouble over it but that's okay. The art is what's most important," said Jefferson as he began taking photos of Chloe's body. My screams of protest were still muffled by the tape over my mouth.
"Sh, sh, sh, Max," Jefferson said. "You'll get your turn soon." I strained to open my mouth, in doing so I ripped the tape off my top lip. I screamed at the top of my lungs.
My eyes shot open as I sat bolt upright in my bed. My hands were shaking uncontrollably and I was almost hyperventilating. I clasped my hands together but even after sitting on the edge of my bed for a minute they were still shaking.
Shit. What can I do? I can't watch the video tapes here. I need something.
As my hands continued to shake I thought about what I had around me. I grabbed my bear and the cushion I made with Mom and hugged them close. They did nothing to steady my breathing or stop my hands from shaking, even after sitting there for five minutes. I threw them back on my bed in frustration.
This has never gone on this long before. I need something that can take me back to when I was happy. Something-
I stopped as a forbidden thought entered my head.
No. No, I said I was done. I would never use my powers again. I don't need them.
I stood up and went over to my desk. On top of my closed journal was the photo of Chloe and I.
I don't need them to change anything. I don't want to change anything. I just want to escape for a few minutes.
I unclasped my hands and let my arms fall to my side.
If I have to do this. I need to make sure I don't change anything. I'll have to do and say exactly what I did at the time this photo was taken. I mean, when I went back to let William die I gave Chloe some speech about how I'd always be there for her, even if it felt like I wasn't. When I came back the present it didn't seem to have changed a damn thing.
Even so, I am not risking anything.
After taking a minute to remember how things played out after the photo was taken. I went to my drawer and grabbed a spare dice I had. My breathing was a little more under control but my hands were still trembling. I moved my photo off my journal and opened it to today's date. I rolled the dice and looked at the number.
6
I wrote it down under my entry for the day. It was barely legible thanks to my hands. But I could read it. I rolled the die again and again. I wrote them down until I had ten numbers.
6264165233.
After some quick math I figured to odd of rolling this exact combination were one in 60,466,176.
If this sequence is the same when I come back then I know nothing has changed.
I closed my journal and pushed it to the side. I moved the photo back in front of me. I took an enormous breath. I put my trembling hands on the desk and looked at the photo. As I concentrated, I felt that familiar sensation as the photo went out of focus. I concentrated hard on it.
"Alright, hold still both of you!"
The picture started to come into focus.
"You can't tell a pirate what to do, Dad!"
The photo was almost in focus.
"My name not be Dad. It be Bloody Bill. Now say yarrrr!"
Everything went white.
"Yarrrrr!"
I opened my eyes. I was in the forest. Trees in the distance were hidden by the white boundary of the photograph. I had my arm around a twelve year old Chloe. I was looking at William through my one eye as he lowered his camera. I turned to look at Chloe. All I wanted to do was give her the biggest hug of my life. Instead, I just smiled at her.
"Arg, that be a keeper. Once it er, be developed," William said.
"That artefact belong to us" Chloe said.
"That's right," I said. "I be the keeper of that device."
William looked down at his camera.
"Then you'll have to pry it from me cold, dead hands!" William said as he ran through the woods and disappeared through the boundary of the photograph. Chloe laughed.
"He's such a goof ball," Chloe said as she removed her pirate hat.
"Yeah, but he's funny," I said. "And he always takes good pictures. I'll have to ask him for some help."
"I think he'd be the one asking you, Miss Photographer Extraordinaire."
"Yeah, right." I said as I laid down on the ground and looked at the sky. Chloe blocked my view by leaning over me.
"Enjoying the view?" she said. I laughed.
"I was." Chloe laid down next to me.
"I meant what I said, Max."
"Meant what?"
"You are an awesome photographer. You just need to believe in yourself."
"Yeah, maybe."
"There's no maybe, baby." I laughed. "You're great," she continued. "Just keep doing what you're doing and one day the whole world will see it."
"That would be cool," I said. "But I think I'll be lucky if the whole town sees it."
"Then you need to make me your number one subject," she said as she gave me a nudge. I laughed again.
"Then I don't think I could even reach the whole town," I said. Chloe gave me a sharp elbow.
"Smart ass," she said. "Come on before Bloody Bill gets away," Chloe said as she put her pirate hat back on and got to her feet. As I began to stand up, the perimeter of my vision started to cloud.
"Come on, slow poke!" Chloe shouted as she reached the edge of the photograph.
"Coming!" I said as everything went white.
A/N 29/8/18 - Sorry again for the huge gap, should (hopefully) be back to a more frequent upload schedule :)