A/N Goooood morning peeps. I kinda guess this is wrapping up a little, not sure how many chapters I have left in me, but I don't think there's many. I would like to just say that not all bits are about Olivia and Trevor because part of the fun of writing is getting to fill in the blanks of Olivia Benson's life that she either doesn't have, that we feel she should, or that we guess about because its implied and not seen. This includes the lives of her kids and the relationship with others... so, I know sometimes its not all Olivia and Trevor, but its about giving Olivia generally speaking, a fuller, happier life with friends, a man, a family and ... balance.
Have a great week and I will update again next week if time permits :)
"Wow, they really just churn them out these days, don't they?" Tara remarked, surprised when Raia informed them that Trevor and Olivia would be coming home the following day. She and Hannah and Amanda desperately wanted to visit her, but they wanted to give Patrick, Gavin, Raia and Georgie time with their nephew and grandson first.
"Oh yeah, if the baby has no complications and if Mom is doing well with feeding and healing, theyre fine — I think also Raia is bossing everyone around and intending on keeping an eye on both Liv and baby from here…"
They laughed, "well, I'm excited to see her and meet this little man," Amanda told her. She glanced over at Noah who was sitting on his own, not partaking in any of the activities with the other kids. She nodded to him, "is he okay?"
"He told Kaci this morning that he felt sad and wanted some space, so he's been kind of pottering around on his own," Tara replied quietly.
"Hmmm… I might go have a chat to him," Amanda said softly so that he didn't hear.
She got up and set her drink down and made her way over to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Hey honey what are you doing all the way over here on your own?," she wanted to know.
Noah shrugged, "not much, I'm just tired and wanted to chill out with my game," he nodded to his Nintendo that was sitting untouched at the table while he was playing on the phone.
"You wanna come with me for a drive to the store?," she asked. "I gotta pick up a couple of things and I thought we might get some diapers and some things for Luca…"
"Mmmm okay, I guess."
"You don't want to get some things for your little brother? Are you feeling weird about having a new brother?"
"No," Noah shook his head, "I just miss him."
Amanda smiled. "Well… let's go and buy some things and we'll send Mom a text and see what she needs…"
"Okay," Noah agreed, a little brighter.
"Okay," Amanda agreed, giving him a smile. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around him. "I never said it but I meant to congratulate you on becoming a big brother again. You really are a wonderful brother, Noah, you're an amazing kid."
"Thank you, 'Manda," he replied.
/
Amanda let Sonny know to keep an eye on the girls and then they were off.
"Okay, grab that big cart…" Amanda nodded to Noah when they got to the mall that was a little further out from where they were staying. There was a lot of stuff that they didn't have that they probably needed to get.
"The big one?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, the big one. I'm gonna get in and you're gonna push me around. I'm tired…." Noah began to laugh.
"No you're not…" he replied, "you're crazy."
"Wanna bet?," she winked, "I'm getting old, Noah, you're gonna have to help your Aunt Amanda…"
He knew that she was just trying to cheer him up but he didn't mind, it was working. True to her word, she held the end of the cart and Noah realised she was serious. He held on to the bar at the front and watched her climb in limberly. "Ooooft, that was harder than it looked," she let out a peel of laughter as others watched them.
"People are staring," Noah hissed.
"I don't care, do you care what people think, Noah?"
"No but…"
"So who cares, come on, let's go… Walmart here we come…"
/
"Okay grab those ones there," Amanda pointed to the shelf with the newborn diapers. "Let's get two of those…"
Noah grabbed two packs of diapers and tossed them on top of his aunt with some laughter. She chuckled and stacked them behind her. "This is kinda fun, sitting in here. Now I know why the kids love it so much…"
"What else do we need?" Noah asked.
"Well…. We need formula for milk, so let's go grab a couple of cans and some bottles and a bottle steriliser."
"Okay I don't know about that stuff… isn't Mom gonna feed her?," Noah asked.
"I'm not sure, your Dad just asked me to grab some formula… so we'll just do as we're told."
They went through and got a few things and paid for it all before Amanda suggested that they stop at McDonald's for something to eat. She had a surprise, she had told Trevor that Noah was down in the dumps and he invited her to come and say hello and give Noah a chance to see them too. Olivia wanted to see her best friend and give her a hug.
/
"How do you think life might change at home when Luca gets home?," Amanda asked Noah as she unwrapped her Quarter Pounder.
He shrugged, "I don't know," he picked up some fries and plopped them in to his mouth. "I get a little scared about how Luca came from Mom's body and Dad is the biological Dad and even though they both swear that it won't make them love him more, I'm still … a bit worried."
"Is that why you were feeling a bit sad this morning?," she pushed gently.
"Yeah I think so… I know it will be okay, but-"
"It's a big change, honey," she gave him a weak smile. "But, I have known your Mom for such a long, long time and I can promise you she will never love you less and I haven't known Trevor for as long as you have, but I know in my heart that the love that he has for you and the love he has for Luca and Lexi will always be equally measured."
Noah lowered his eyes and thought about it intensely. Amanda thought that he might start crying, but he didn't. He just nodded. "I know, it's just… fears."
"Well what about the other stuff… looks like Mom might be choosing to use formula and bottle feeding so that means you'll get to feed Luca sometimes, you'll get to lay with him and nap with him and all those beautiful baby cuddles. It's such a nice time you know…"
Noah smiled, "I miss him. I only got to hold him for a short while and then we had to go cos Mom had to sleep."
"Well good news, sweetheart, Mom wants us to stop by on the way back to the beach house and you can give Luca a cuddle and a kiss and sit with him for a little bit."
"Seriously?," he asked.
Amanda took a bite of her burger and grinned at him, "I wouldn't play with you like that, babe. Better eat up, we can go after we're done with lunch."
/
"Do you feel the judgement?" Olivia let out a little uncomfortable laugh as the nurse left the room in a huff.
"Who cares, Liv. You chose what was right for you."
"Do you think it may have been an irrational choice?," she wondered quietly, her laughter dispersing.
Trevor got up from the chair and sat beside her. It had been 4 in the morning and for the fifth time the nurses were trying to get her to breast feed— she attempted repeatedly to get Luca to latch but it wasn't coming to her— maybe on some levels she was on the fence already, but it became too much, she began to cry and felt a rush of shame.
Trevor, laid his hand on her arm, "you tried, you realised that it was too much to worry about while getting used to everything else especially when you already have a two year old that still has bottles…"
"I just feel like they're mad at me."
"Look, in an ideal world every woman would breast feed, but if it's going to cause you more stress and if you don't really want to do-"
"You think I should too… you think I'm giving up-" she cut him off.
"No," he stopped her firmly, "stop that, that's not what I was saying, what I was trying to say is that there are studies that say breast feeding is the only way to go— but there are studies that also say that the baby can feel when you're not confident and that causes other issues — for the sake of your mental health, your hormones, being able to get help from me and Noah and anyone else — you're going to bottle feed and Luca will be just fine, baby, it is no one's choice but yours."
Olivia wiped her eyes. "Promise?"
"I promise."
"Because I'll try again if you want me to," she said in a small voice.
"Liv," he felt a little exasperated, "this is your body, if you choose to bottle feed it's alright. I don't need you to keep trying if your mind has been made up. He will be fine, you will be at peace with that decision. I don't want you to do something that you might end up resenting. Make your own choice here and I will support and love you either way."
"At least if I feed him with the bottle you can have bonding time with him during feeds as well."
"That's a good point," Trevor smiled. He leaned over and kissed her lips. "I actually love the sound of that."
She gave him a weak smile.
There was a soft knock at the door before it opened. They both looked up. Olivia grinned at her bestfriend and her son who made their way inside. "Ohhh hellloooo…" she greeted them wearily.
Noah made his way to Trevor first while Amanda greeted his Mom.
"Hi kiddo, how are you?" Trevor asked, engulfing him in a warm hug. Noah held on to him tightly gripping him.
Amanda hugged Liv and congratulated her. "How are you feeling?," she asked her friend.
"Sore, very, very sore… my muscles, my legs… everything is sore."
Trevor felt Noah let go of him. "I missed you, Sunshine," he told Noah. "We're coming home in the morning so we can hang out again."
"Good," Noah replied, "I missed you too."
"Better go give your Mom a hug, she's missed you and Lexi so much."
Noah did as he was told and climbed on to the bed beside his Mom who had patted the spot for him. He rolled in to her and let her hold him tightly. At 14 he was still just such a little boy at times, and she really didn't mind. She smiled, resting her cheek upon his curls. "Love you, I missed you so, so, so much…"
"I missed you too," Noah replied. "Can I say hello to Luca?"
"Of course," she kissed his forehead, "he's just there in his crib sleeping, but you can pick him up and give him cuddles if you like," she encouraged him.
Noah got up slow and made his way quietly to the side of his Mom's bed and found his tiny brother sleeping; snuggled tightly beneath a blanket. Noah reached down and stroked his hair. "Hi Luca…" he murmured with a slight smile. "Hi Luca, how are you doing today? I missed you…"
Trevor watched on, smiling at Noah's absolute gentleness. "You are so sweet," Noah continued.
He looked up at Trevor. "Dad, could you show me how to pick him up safely? I don't want to hurt him."
"Sure," Trevor smiled. He got up and demonstrated for Noah how to pick up his brother. "You slid your hand beneath his head, we're always supporting his neck and his head, and then the other arm beneath the rest of his body and if you feel like you've got a safe hold of him, you can scoop him up like this…" he picked up the brand new infant who fussed slightly.
He passed the infant over to Noah. "There you go, Sunshine, there's your brother… all yours." Noah carefully made his way over to the spare chair and sat down. He looked up at Amanda. "Aunt Amanda, come and meet your new nephew," he beamed at her. He was still in awe of how tiny and how wonderful Luca was, feeling overwhelmed and choked up each time he held him.
Amanda made her way close and Trevor gave up his chair and moved it beside Noah, opting for a seat beside Olivia instead. "Oh he's beautiful, look he has Mom's dark hair…" she smiled. "Wow…" she glanced up at Olivia and grinned at her, "he's so sweet… and wow, so, so, so chunky!"
"We'll blame daddy for that," Liv replied with a little laugh, smiling back. She was content. Nothing could take away the completeness she felt within her.
"Luca, that's your auntie, she's cool… you'll like her for the most part."
Amanda chuckled and hit Noah gently with the back of her hand. He glanced at Amanda, "here, you should hold him, I won't hog him."
"Oh, I can't wait, babe, you hold him."
"No, no… you hold him I wanna show Mom and Dad the outfits we bought for him."
He passed Luca over and jumped up to grab the bag that Amanda had put down. "We got Luca some clothes because we knew that there wasn't much here."
"Oh, that's so nice you guys, thank you!"
Noah took a plain blue warm, jumpsuit out of the bag. It was absolutely tiny. "We got this, its a little bit thicker material in case it gets cool," he explained. He handed it to Olivia. "And then this one," it was a grey zip-up onesie with owls all over it. "Then we got some summery ones because it's been so hot…" he showed them a bunch of different ones. "So hopefully they'll be okay."
"They're perfect, thank you guys."
"I can't wait for you to come home," Noah told her, "I miss you and so does everyone else…"
Olivia smiled at her son. "Well, tomorrow morning the doctor is going to come in and check me out and then I'm going to come home with Luca and Dad and we're going to enjoy the rest of our trip…"
Noah smiled. "Good," he replied, wrapping his arms around her. "I hate being at home without you and Dad. Lexi is being a pest too, she's whiny."
"She's okay, she's not been too bad," Amanda interjected.
"Auntie Raia and Uncle Gav are going to bring her in with them later and then she can see her brother and then if she's fussy she will come home with them otherwise she can go home with Dad later…" Olivia explained.
"Okay," Noah replied. "Well, I'm excited to have you home. Do you want me to do anything for you to get things ready?"
"No babe, its fine. Dad and I just want you to go home and enjoy your time with your friends and with Kaci and Uncle Sonny and Grandma and Grandpa…"
"I'm just a bit sad that you guys aren't there…" Trevor got up and came around to place his hands on Noah's shoulders.
"It won't be long kiddo," he told him, "and I promise we both miss you and Lexi too. We're anxious to get home."
"Wanna come for a walk to get some food?" Trevor asked Noah.
"No thanks, Amanda and I already ate. I just wanna spend time with Luca," his voice trailed off.
"Okay, well I'm going to go get something. Do you want me to get you something to eat, sweetheart?" Trevor asked Olivia.
She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, could you get me something really yummy — I am over hospital food."
"I can definitely do that, keep your phone on you and I'll text you options," he replied, leaning over to kiss her. "Amanda would you like anything?"
"No thanks," she looked up from the tiny baby and shook her head. "Come on over here, Noah, your brother needs you."
Noah smiled and made his way back to his aunt who passed Luca back over to him.
"So… how are you feeling?" Amanda asked Liv, "aside from being sore and tired."
A smile spread across her friend's face and Amanda couldn't help but feel just so happy for her. Out of all the women she knew, Olivia deserved her shot at happiness the most. It had been a very long time coming.
"Just… I don't know, it's still so surreal. I know I'm gonna have my hands full but I'm actually kinda glad this happened so early during summer vacation because it means that I'll have an extra set of hands at home for a little longer. Trevor is doing summer school but its only a couple hours a day and its not for another few weeks so … at least I can get a hold of things in the meantime."
"Well, Sonny and I can help too — and aren't you and the kids going to stay with Patrick and Georgie for a little while?"
Olivia shot a look to Noah, as if to tell her friend that she hadn't discussed that with Noah yet.
"Maybe, not sure."
"Ohhh, are we staying there while Dad goes home for summer school?" Noah asked, looking up.
"I don't know honey, we haven't fully discussed it, it was just an idea. You could go back with Dad during the week if you wanted to see your friends and maybe Adam can come and stay sometimes…"
"And Kaci?," he pressed.
"Well… we'll see, that is a big conversation we'd have to discuss," Olivia replied.
"Sorry!" Amanda mouthed.
Olivia just smiled. "It'll be fine, whatever we do, we'll be okay. Georgie loves coming to the city so maybe they'll end up at our place… but Trevor and I are trying to decide what to do about our apartment. It's probably going to be okay for now, but… the guest room where everyone sleeps is probably going to have to turn in to the nursery because I don't think we can have Lex and Luca in the same room, they'll constantly wake one another up."
"Also, tight squeeze for the bed you want to get Lexi…"
She nodded. "The three of us, myself, Trev and Noah — we might have to start looking for a new apartment."
"Oh," Noah looked up, "I didn't know that…" his voice trailed, "but it makes sense. We have to fit everyone comfortably."
Olivia glanced at him and smiled. "It might be a chance for you to redecorate and make your bedroom a little more Noah…"
"A nice big bunk bed, obviously," he winked. He had always wanted a bunk but Olivia had been too concerned about him falling out as he was an active sleeper. She shrugged this time, "well, babe, you're old enough now to pick your own bed. It might be cool for you to have a bunk when you have your friends staying over."
"Yeah for when Kaci stays," he winked as a joke.
"Yeah right, keep dreaming, stud," she teased.
Noah chuckled as his baby brother opened his eyes and stirred a little. He blinked a few times before opening his eyes completely and looking around. "Hello Luca!" Noah greeted him. It was the first time he had seen him with his eyes open. He glanced at his Mom and Amanda. "Awwww his eyes are open, he's looking at me!"
"He'll start getting to know your voice first baby, his vision isn't the best yet, but he will be getting used to you."
Luca began to fuss, letting out a feeble new born cry. "Ohhh, please don't cry," Noah carefully stood up and bounced him ever-so-gently. "I got you, lil Luca… I got you…"
Olivia started to feel herself soften as she saw the beautiful interaction between her two sons. "He might have a wet diaper or something, do you want me to help me change his diaper?" Olivia asked, slowly and gingerly going to get out of bed.
"Oh, I've changed Lexi's I could do it…" Noah said, halting his Mom.
"Boys are a little different, honey, if you don't do it right, they'll pee right in your face," Amanda told him with a laugh. "You stay where you are, Liv, I'll show him."
Olivia smiled, "thanks…"
Noah and Amanda changed the infant's diaper and Amanda showed Noah how he could hold the newborn over his shoulder to snuggle him a little closer.
Trevor came back with a falafel salad for Olivia and a can of soda for everyone.
Noah was reclined back, relaxing with his brother and asked Trevor to take a few photos of them so he could share them with his friends. He felt happy and at ease with everything and could already tell that despite being absolutely in love with their new son, the level of love he felt from his Mom and Dad hadn't changed at all.
/
"Are you okay?," Kaci asked softly, coming up to Noah once he had got home. "I feel sad that you're so quiet, like… I can't cheer you up."
Noah reached up for her hand, "come sit down…" he invited her in to the empty space beside him. She sat. "Are you okay?"
He nodded. "Yeah… Do you want to take a walk? I think we should talk…"
"Wait, that sounds bad. Should I be worried?" Kaci asked.
Noah smiled, "No, I think I could just be more honest… I don't want anyone to hear our conversation."
"Okay," she replied, relieved. "Let me tell my Mom."
/
"How's your handsprings going since you joined gym?" Noah asked. "Are they getting better or easier?"
"A lot easier," Kaci replied.
"Can you show me?" Noah smiled, "It always blows my mind."
She chuckled and stopped in her tracks before she ran ahead and did two handsprings, landing perfectly. Noah clapped for her. "Yeah, you're so good at it, Dad said you were amazing and I believe him." She dusted off her hands and joined him again. He reached for her hand and slid his fingers between hers. "So what did you want to talk about?"
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I was being a bit weird… I just have had a bit of a struggle since Mom went in to labour and it isn't anything to do with you, I just … you know how close I am with Mom and Dad… and I just miss them and I was really worried and felt sad that I couldn't be with them and with my new brother…"
Kaci didn't say anything for a few moments, "I feel like you were avoiding me before that too…"
Noah thought for a moment, "Yeah okay… that's fair. I guess that… I got a bit freaked out when you and I were in the pool the other day and we were making out and I realised that—" he winced, "I dunno how to say this nicely," he added, "being that close to me made my body respond-"
"It gave you an erection," Kaci blurted out.
Noah felt his face flush, "yeah… I guess."
"Noah, its okay, it's normal I wasn't upset."
"I wasn't upset either, I was just wasn't prepared to feel that way and it scared me because I'm just not ready-"
"I'm not ready either," she told him, grabbing both of his hands, smiling at him. "But you can't control your body and I can't control mine, but it just means we can't physically get that close, you did the right thing, you asked me to sit aside and not on your lap so I did—you don't need to avoid me."
"I'm just afraid that if I kiss you— you know like, making out I might not be able to stop myself and I'm scared of … doing the wrong thing by you .. and by me too, Kace, I really care about you."
"Noah even if you really couldn't stop yourself, I can stop you and I will because I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for anything like that… Please know that."
He nodded. "Okay."
"I love you, Noah benson," she smiled at him. Noah returned the smile.
"I love you too," he replied. He felt her arms slide around him and he felt a little better. He embraced her back, glad that they were able to have that discussion. "Thanks for being so cool."
"It's kinda natural to me," she joked. She pulled away briefly to kiss his soft lips. "It's exciting that tomorrow your Mom and Dad are coming back here. I can't wait to meet Noah Jnr," she winked at him.
Noah laughed. "He's so beautiful. When we get back, I'll show you the photos and videos Dad went me from earlier."
"Remember how I was making a video of summer?," she wondered as they headed to the same ice cream stall that his Mom and Dad had visited.
"Yeah…"
"I showed a tiny bit to Katie and she was so mean about it so now I think I'm just gonna give it to everyone who was here…"
Noah rolled his eyes, "what did Katie have to say? Is she ever just nice without motivation?," he wondered, "I would never tell you who to be friends with, Kace, but she is not nice to you or even Adam."
"Not even you," Kaci replied.
"Right…"
"She just said it was weird that Mom and I were on a holiday with coach Langan and even made a weird comment about him taking me to gymnastics…"
"Lucky it's none of her business," Noah replied. "Remember when we first met and you spoke a little out of turn about him and we kind of had some words?"
"Yeah," she flushed, "I was an idiot, I was just trying to be cool, I actually liked him a lot… I'm actually so sorry I said that."
"It's okay, but… you know him now and you know what a good Dad he is and how big his heart is, it makes me furious when people try to talk shit about him."
"Me too. I told Katie that she should watch what she says about people and that Mr. Langan was super cool and was helping me and that he helped me when Mom was sick… Olivia too. So anyway, I'll probably just keep the video private…"
"No, I don't think you should. Fuck what they say, you are so proud of this holiday and it's been so much fun so far."
"I took some videos of everyone so I'll ask everyone's permission before I post it or I can cut bits out but…. I have some nice footage of your Mom and Dad and also of you with Lexi… so it'd be nice to add some videos of you and Luca too."
Noah smiled. "Maybe that could be a separate gift for Mom & Dad, maybe I can get some videos too and you could help me put it together and we could give it to them together, maybe for Dad's birthday. I could take some videos of him helping you at gymnastics…"
"Oh yeah, I love that idea. Let's do that!"
"Can I ask you something? I want you to be honest…"
"Go for it…" she slid her hand in to his as the ice cream stand came in to view.
"I don't entirely know how to bring this up with Mom, but … I kind of want to ask her if I could maybe ask Dad to officially adopt me too, so that he's officially my other guardian… Is that dumb?"
Kaci grinned at him, "No. I think that's so nice… I think he would love that beyond words. I can't tell you how much he loves you, Noah, I don't think you see it… Even just the way you guys talk to one another, he cherishes you. You've been worried that maybe you'd take the backseat with Luca arriving, but that's never gonna happen. If I'm honest, I heard him talking to Sonny about it, and he said that he loved you so much because in his eldest son he had a best friend, someone to care about and teach and have a connection with that was entirely unconditional and the love that he had for you was immeasurable and that the only time he's ever felt the same feeling was with your Mom and with Lexi…"
She glanced at him for a reaction. He smiled at her despite his eyes welling up. "Thanks…" he murmured, sniffing. "I needed to hear that. Thanks for telling me."
"Of course. You don't need to worry, Noah, I promise."
He just nodded, feeling a heaviness set over him, a feeling that tightened his throat and made him want to cry with relief. He held back though. He simply gave her hand a squeeze.
/
"Okay, out of the way," Amanda told her girls, "Auntie Liv is going to need to lay down on that outdoor couch," she nodded to the one the girls were lazing on.
"No, it's okay…" Olivia replied. "I have a post-partum cushion to sit on and I really want some sun. Being cooped up for almost three days," she replied. She looked at the girls, "stay where you are babies," she told them.
"Are you sure?," Amanda checked with her.
"100 percent," Olivia shot back, just happy to be in the fresh air, enjoying the heat and just as Hannah and Raia had promised, a cocktail on the way.
Tara and Hannah had decided to hold back from crowding the baby since they thought it was important that family got to visit with him first. Instead, they put all of their efforts in to making sure Olivia and Trevor were comfortable and restful.
"How do you feel overall?" Tara asked her friend.
"So much better," Liv smiled, "it's a difference of what a day or two makes… but its just the clotting… it's so disgusting and…" she made a face, "I don't like it," she chuckled.
Tara made a face, "it's normal though, right? I can't even really remember…"
"Totally normal, as long as it's not … massive and constant, but it'll probably happen on and off for a week or two," Amanda told her, "just take it easy."
"So no jumping in the pool?" Liv teased.
Amanda gave her a look, "you're lucky we're even letting you drink alcohol," she muttered.
"Why?" Olivia shot back, "I'm not breastfeeding, I can drink. I'm not an invalid. I'm not on any medication unless I'm in severe pain, which I'm not."
"Oh, honey did you tear?" Tara asked.
"Thank goodness, no but, they gave a tiny little cut apparently but I wasn't even aware. Trevor said he didn't notice either until he was coming out… but I'm fine."
"Always better to be snipped than to tear," Raia told her, overhearing. They set a jug of mojitos down. "Now, Mommy, here is something I know you have been dreaming about…"
Olivia grinned, "oh my gosh, thank you!." Raia poured her a drink and sat down as Hannah came out with a plate full of crackers and all the soft cheeses and processed meat that she couldn't have when she was pregnant.
Trevor stepped outside holding on to Luca. He grinned when he saw Olivia seated and comfortable with a drink in front of her and a delicious looking charcuterie platter. Her friends had really pulled everything together for her.
"Aunt Tara and Aunt Hannah, would you ladies like to meet little baby Luca?"
"Oh my gosh, yes finally," Tara was nearly bursting at the seams. Olivia glanced at her son with a proud smile as Trevor paused briefly to kiss his partner. "Who wants to hold first?"
"Tara can, I'm just gonna run back inside and get a couple of things…" she was slow to move though, her eyes pouring over the tiny baby with a soft wisp of dark hair on the back of his tiny little scalp.
Tara took him in to the crook of his arm and felt overcome with a sense of awe. She looked up at Liv and Trevor, "Awfff, he's so beautiful and tiny and precious, you guys…" she gushed.
"Thanks," Liv smiled.
"Are you okay here baby?" Trevor asked, "do you need anything?"
"No, beautiful," she replied, "I'm fine. I'm just happy to be in the sun."
"Okay, don't over-do it though. I'm going to get Lexi and put her swimsuit on and Sonny and I are taking them down to the ocean… I think Billie, Alice and Jessie might want to go too…"
"Okay sweetheart, I love you."
"Love you too, baby. Enjoy your drink." He kissed her again before heading back inside to go get Lexi from his parents.
Olivia took a long sip of her drink— it hit nicely, she smiled as she took another long mouthful. Hannah picked up the jug and refilled her, returning from inside.
/
"Here we go sweetie," Liv spoke softly to her infant as she held him, watching him take the bottle. She glanced at Trevor who sat beside her holding Lexi, also feeding her a bottle. They exchanged a smiles. "Got our hands full, huh?"
"Looks as if," she chuckled, leaning closer to meet his mouth for a kiss. As soon as she pulled back, he kissed her again and again and again. "I love you," he told her.
"Wait, wait, wait," Amanda interjected, "just remember how that one was made, kids."
Trevor glanced at Amanda and laughed. He was excited about his kids.
"You guys look very, very happy," Georgie remarked. "I love to see it," she smiled.
"I am happy; tired but happy," she replied. Olivia wasn't sure if something was off, but everyone was staring at them knowingly as if they knew something that she didn't. The kids came out too, just as Trevor was finishing up feeding Lexi. Noah held his hands out to take his little sister. She whined a little but Olivia could see that her bottle was a bid to calm her down, but she still had zero intention of sleeping.
"Want another drink?" Trevor asked Olivia.
"Sure…" he smiled. "I'll be right back. Does anyone else want a drink?"
Everyone said no and there was some small talk among the kids. Jessie and Billie were sitting on Sonny and Amanda's laps and Alice was cuddling up to her Mom and Adam and Kaci were with Noah, gushing over how sweet Lexi was. Noah had already passed her over to Kaci who had all the time in the world for the toddler.
Trevor re-emerged a few moments later and put down a vodka and soda in front of Olivia. He felt nervous all of a sudden. "Uh… I just wanted to say something while everyone is here…" he began. He glanced at Olivia who was a little thrown. He cleared his throat. "Thanks guys, for all of you, for being here and helping us out with Noah and Lex for the past few days while we were busy trying to force our baby in to the world-"
"I was busy, you were just…"
"Horrified by the pain you were in," he finished her sentence, "but you're right— it was all you."
She smiled, "No, you were the best support. I was very lucky."
"Well, thanks everyone and I guess there's probably just something else I have to say…" he began, "and I apologise if I get a little overemotional, but it's been an emotional few days."
"Noah, can you come here beside me for a minute?"
Noah knew what was coming and came to his Dad's side. He smiled at his son, "when I taught Noah for the first time he was only about 10 or 11 and he was absolutely the sweetest kid I have to say that I'd ever taught. I'm sure you all know, but my first wife Lana had just died in a car wreck and I didn't cope with her passing as gracefully as I might have liked. I wanted to be with her and I didn't care what happened to me. I hit alcohol and prescription drugs pretty hard to the point of…" he glanced at Olivia for strength. She gave him a nod, "well, to a point that I'm not proud of because I didn't know how to deal with a loss so great. I looked for light wherever I could and Noah seemed to appear out of nowhere." He smiled at him. "His kindness and warmth toward other kids gave me a little hope, I can't describe why, or how but his light enthused me, especially now when I know that he was going through something of his own at home…"
He placed his hands on Noah's shoulders. "It wasn't til I got wind that Noah was having a rough time that I decided that it was time to give back and help him the way I found that he and some other students helped me. I had him join the football team much to his dismay and protesting, and eventually he let me in and opened up to me and everything kind of … fell together…"
"I met Olivia who was … less than nice to me," he winked at her, "the first time we crossed paths." Trevor forgot that Noah had no idea about that, he glanced at his Mom with confusion and back to Trevor. "She was a protective Mom and that was fair after all these two beautiful hearts endured…"
Olivia felt her eyes fill with tears at his kind words. "So… the rest is history. We all fell in to this beautiful pattern of family very quickly and although at first both Olivia and I had our reservations and were being respectful of what we had each been through individually… we fell in love and I finally felt like I could breathe after so many years of loneliness." He turned to Olivia and leaned over and kissed her.
She smiled at him, wondering where he was headed.
"Anyway," he cleared his throat, "Olivia and Noah, I love you both with every little bit of me and I am going to be the man who will always be in both of your corners, who will protect you both and Lexi and Luca too, who you can all rely and depend upon when you need someone… I love this family we've made with all of my heart and I know that this is forever and I really just want to make it formal… so…"
He motioned for Noah to sit down where he'd been sitting before. "I hope that you'll make me a very happy man and marry me," he opened the velvet box and presented Olivia with the most beautiful white gold engagement ring with a giant oval diamond surrounded by other small ones.
Olivia was floored, she hadn't seen it coming. "Wha-" she started to laugh but the laughter quickly turned to tears. She looked around at everyone and glanced at Noah who had tears in his eyes too. "Are you serious?"
He laughed, "Yeah," his hands shook as he held the ring out to her. She gently handed Luca to Raia who held her arms out for him. She grabbed Trevor's hand and pulled him a little closer. She leaned over, trying to forget everyone else, she felt nervous. She began to nod before turning to Noah, "is that okay with you babe?"
"Uhuh," he uttered.
"Yes," she grinned at him, "yes, I'll marry you."
"Good," he said in a whisper, his throat thick with emotion. He took the ring from the box and slid it on her finger. "Is that okay?"
She grinned and nodded, "Yes… thank you… wow…" she leaned in and kissed his lips passionately. He wrapped his arms around her and planted a series of kisses on her mouth as all their friends and family wooped and cheered for them.
"Wait, wait… one more thing," Trevor pulled away. He reached in to his pocket opposite to where the ring had been. He looked at Noah, "Noah, I can't forget you, I didn't give you the gift of life, but you have been a gift to my life. I can't believe how lucky I am to have my little man, my bestfriend and someone that just blows me away every day with his kindness and compassion and endless ability to soak up everything around him. I am just so proud of you and I wanted to give you something to show you just how much I am invested in you too…"
He opened a velvet box. He glanced back at his father and smiled at him. "This watch is really special to me and I hope it'll be special to you too. My father gave it to me when I was about your age— it belonged to his father, so I hope you'll take it and hold on to it and when you're ready to pass it on, you'll be able to do so — to your own son or your little brother or. maybe just someone who comes in to your life who is as special to you as you are to me. Are you happy to let me marry your Mom?"
Noah said nothing and bit his lip hard as he took the gift from Trevor and nodded his head. He threw his arms around the man he called his father and cried. Trevor held him firmly with one arm, the other arm reaching for Olivia's hand. "I love you guys so much thank you for making me so happy."
/
"How do you feel?" Olivia asked Noah softly, reaching up and taking his cheek in her face. She smiled at him. "Are you okay?"
He nodded. "I'm happy Mom, are you happy?"
"Yes, I'm very happy, sweetie," she slid her arm around him and held him close to her, allowing him to nurse Luca over his other shoulder. "You look so sweet with your brother, I'm so happy you love him so much, babe."
"I do, he's beautiful, Mom. Thanks for making me a brother again."
Olivia kissed his soft cheek. "Love you."
"I love you," he replied back as he rubbed his brother's back soothingly.
Olivia glanced up and saw that both Raia and Georgie were watching their interchange with smiles on their faces. She felt slightly insecure for a moment before looking away.
"Mom, I have an idea for Trevor's birthday…" he told her, turning his head so she would be the only one to hear.
"What is it?"
He thought for a second, "Just like… do you think I could give him adoption papers to sign? So he can be my official guardian too?"
Olivia was a little stunned and stared at him for a moment.
"If you don't think it's a good idea…"
"No, no… I think it's such an amazing idea babe, I think he would love that so much," she smiled. "He will love it more than you know."
"Okay… can you help me with it?"
She nodded, "absolutely, yes." She kissed his temple. "Remind me when we get home I'll start looking in to the paperwork for you."
"Thanks Mom…"
"Okay we need some champagne… to celebrate… so auntie Hannah and auntie Raia are on the job…" Hannah winked at her new friend in Raia.
Raia got up and picked up the bottle of expensive champagne that they'd bought when they found out Trevor was going to propose. Both ladies popped a bottle each and filled a bunch of flutes.
Trevor peeled himself from Gavin and Sonny and made his way back to Olivia. He passed her a glass and took one himself.
Raia lifted hers, "Okay everyone, please shut up, I wanna say something—" she giggled. Olivia suspected she was already half drunk.
"I want to welcome Olivia and Noah officially in to our family. Mom, Dad, Gav and the girls all adore the absolute shit out of you both. Noah, I'm always gonna be the cool aunt who you can come to when Mom and Dad are being jerks," she winked, "And Olivia, I will always be here for you when Trevor is being a pain in the ass…"
"Thanks," Olivia replied.
"Anyway, a toast to the happy, engaged couple and a toast to the new edition to our family and our friends-turned-family."
Olivia felt like she was floating. She was a little buzzed, but the Champagne went down nicely as Trevor took a seat on the other side of her. He slid an arm around her waist and let her rest her head on his shoulder. She could barely take her eyes off the beautiful diamond.
"Thank you for this…"
"You're welcome. Do you like it?"
She nodded. "It's absolutely so stunning… almost too beautiful, I'm afraid of losing it."
"It's insured," he replied. "Don't worry about that." He picked up her hand and observed it for a moment, "yeah… it looks beautiful on your beautiful hand… I think I did good, what do you think?"
She kissed his lips, "you definitely did good… it's actually the most special piece of jewellery that I'll ever own…" she told him.
"Well, apart from your wedding ring," he smiled, "and I got that already, I hope you don't mind but I wanted it to be a set…."
"Okay, but only if you let me buy your wedding ring without you seeing it?"
He grinned at her, "Yeah, of course. I trust your fine taste in such things. You'll know what looks good on me."
She gave him a little squeeze and felt the kind of happy that she had only ever dreamed about.
"Mom, I think he's asleep," Noah told her, carefully bringing him in to his arms from his shoulder.
"We'll go lay him down just inside the door in the hammock, c'mon…" Trevor jumped up. Noah got up slowly too. Trevor put an arm around him and guided him inside.
"You look serene, Liv…" Patrick remarked from across the outdoor table.
She smiled back at him. "I feel like I'm in a little bit of a surreal dream," she responded with a little chuckle. "This is all too good to be true…"
"Soak it up, sweetheart," Georgie replied. "We don't get enough of these moments in life."
"I know…" Liv replied. She turned to Hannah and Tara and Amanda who were discussing something before Raia joined them with her glass. "So yes are we doing this?"
"Doing what?" Liv asked.
"Welllllllllll…." Tara began, almost guiltily.
"Oh relax," Amanda smiled at her, "Liv is not going to be upset with you."
"About what?," she wondered, surprised.
"We are thinking about going out to a bar," Raia told her, "you are welcome to come but-"
Olivia laughed, "No thanks, I'm exhausted and I'm a new fiancé, I've got a chance to lay down and enjoy some time in a comfortable bed with my husband-to-be waiting on me hand and foot," she winked as Trevor came back out.
"Told you," Amanda replied.
"Are you sure?" Tara double checked, "we could go another night when you're feeling better."
"No," Olivia shook her head, "this is not just Olivia's holiday, don't be silly, you guys go out, you deserve to have a great time! Just be careful."
"Sonny will put the girls to bed and drop us off and we'll either grab a cab back or we'll text someone to come and get us," Amanda replied.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do…"
"Pppft, you've always been far less reckless than probably all of us," Amanda shot back despite not knowing the other women that intimately just yet.
Olivia rolled her eyes. "Someone just needs to do a check in on Adam and Alice though, please."
"I can do that," Trevor replied, "I think an early night might do these kids some good, they're so grumpy. Too much sun, probably."
"Yeah…" Hannah agreed. "Adam is being such a little shit today," she murmured, "I thought maybe he and Noah had a fight but nope, he's overtired and shitty."
"Mmmm we all played a lot of ball yesterday," Gavin spoke up, "all the kids were in the pool til probably well after their bed time too," he added.
"Yeah, that's true… the kids used to get so tired and grumpy after spending the day swimming," Georgie pitched in. "Early nights for the kids. Maybe Patty and I can round them up in to the living room and insist on a movie or something."
"Oh," Raia laughed, "Just ask Mr. Pirate over here," she nodded to her husband, "I think he has some new movies downloaded."
"You realise we're police right?" Sonny asked, "I could arrest you."
Gavin laughed and held his wrists out to his new pal. "Maybe later," Sonny shrugged, "depends on what movies you have…"
They all laughed.
"Movie night is a great idea… I'm gonna get up and put Chlo and Sadie to bed in a minute so at least the older kids and Alice can enjoy something…" Raia looked at Gavin, "and if you could help me, that'd be great…"
/
"The house feels quieter," Trevor smiled at Liv. "Maybe I know it's cos everyone has gone out…"
"I think its good they went out. Hannah and Tara really need to two capable wing women," she smiled.
Trevor laughed. "Is it weird I feel oddly protective of your friends? Like, I don't really like the idea of random men sniffing around or treating them badly."
She felt a sense of pride for her kind-hearted man beside her who had such a sense of care for the community he was part of but especially when it came to the people that they had invited as close to them as family.
"No, but also… having been newly single a time or two in my life, sometimes when you go out, you want men to sniff around and treat you badly- or maybe a little disrespectfully," she pressed her lips together as the heat rose beneath her camisole and flamed up her neck at what she was telling him.
"Wait, what? You want someone to treat you badly…" he gave her a quizzical look as she sat on the edge of the bed a little gingerly, putting off using the bathroom for how much it burned.
"Well… I don't mean like— anything violent or humiliating, but there's a certain air of wanting to go out and just get that person out of your system and sometimes you just want to have cheap, dirty sex and leave before he wakes up, feeling a little remorse but a lot of satisfaction - like a tiny private revenge that your ex won't ever know about."
Trevor frowned, "thats … entirely confusing, although it does explain something."
"What?"
"I had this .. almost embarrassing encounter once right after I got my new place and went back to work… I was in a bar and this woman came over and started yapping to me about this guy who broke her heart," he explained, "And I was just like… wow, she's a lot," he smiled, "but I got that she was maybe just freshly hurt so I listened and then I told her I'd been through a break up of sorts and then she kissed me randomly…"
"Wow, that's forward," Olivia remarked with a little laugh.
"Yeah and I was surprised but also… a small part of me enjoyed the cheap thrill and it'd been so long…. So then asks if I was one of those mother fuckers that cruise bars looking for vulnerable women… and I guess it was her idea of banter but for me I was horrified, I just wanted a drink."
Olivia laughed. "So did you take her home?"
"I did," he laughed, "I don't know what I was thinking… the whole way back I felt such a feeling of regret. Her hands were all over me and you know me, I don't fuck with care safety," he added. She understood exactly why and she never questioned it when he was vigilant about not being a distracted driver, making sure the safety belt was on correctly — he preferred to drive at all times and she just relinquished that control - if it made him feel better about their safety, she was happy to let him take the reins.
"At a certain point, I was just like, okay let's slow things down a little… we're not that far… and when we get back to my apartment she was telling me she was a dirty little whore—"
"Oh, so she wanted the sexy talking, did dirt-talk Trevor come out?"
"No," he laughed, "it felt so ridiculous, I wanted to be like, oh honey, maybe you should stop disrespecting yourself and then you could talk about yourself in a nicer light… like, tell me youre a self-respecting, confident woman…"
"Who don't need a man…" Olivia finished with a laugh. "So did you have sex?"
"Nope," he chuckled, "I kept telling her to slow down and that no, I wasn't going to choke her, or even put my hands around her neck…. She asked to get up and get a drink of water and I guess she saw all of the photos of Lana and then she came in telling me I was a dog for cheating on my wife and that I should fuck her like the dog that I was…"
"Okay so now this has traveled in to weirdness, because when I said what I said about wanting to be treated with a little disrespect, that isn't it. Its just sex, nothing weird, no names need to be exchanged, just good sex after you've been sleeping with a shitty man for too long… this woman sounds a little unhinged."
"Okay, that sounds a little less sleazy, I guess," he agreed, "maybe this woman was crazy but anyway something clicked when she started telling me I was cheating… so I just said, you're right, I'm cheating, that's wrong of me, you better go…"
"Aww, you felt bad because of Lana…"
"Yeah but also, I don't want someone to call me names in the bedroom," he laughed, "like, no offence but unless we agree to some role play boundaries, I don't want to be someone's shame kink…so after some firmness, she finally left and called me a stupid mother fucker. Even after I offered to pay for a cab for her to get home safely…" he laughed and shook his head at the memory.
"Yeah, most women don't really want that… but I mean, each to her own, but that's not for me… I don't want that."
They both laughed. "And anyway, I'm getting married…"
"Yeah, so now you get shitty sex forever," he couldn't help but to tease.
"Uh-uh, no I won't. You don't even know how to do anything half-assed and that includes sex."
"Mmmmm," he smiled, his cheeks flushing. He sat down beside her and rested his hand on her still-slightly puffy cheek. He swept his thumb across it. "It also helps that I love you very much and making love to you puts a smile on my face when it puts a smile on yours… I don't ever want to bad at making you feel satisfied and happy."
"Trust me, I never do," she replied as his lips drew close to hers for a soft, lingering kiss.
"Good," he kissed her again. He let his hand slide to her warm neck as his eyes searched hers. "I love you. I can't wait to marry you."
"Me either…" she replied. "Thank you for what you do for Noah too, for our family — for being so open and taking it all on without a thought or reservation."
"You don't have to thank me, sweetheart," he responded, "I wanted all of this too… all of it. And I am so happy."
They kissed again before Olivia drew away with a deep breath in. "I really have to pee, but I've been putting it off."
Trevor poked out his bottom lip. "Hurting?"
"Absolutely burning, like… imagine a lemon slice rubbing in to a cut on your lip."
Trevor immediately recoiled, wincing. "Oh no, poor thing. What can I do?"
"Talk to me from the door for moral support. Between that and the clots… it's not a pretty business…"
"You poor thing, you go ahead and I'll cheer you on," he told her, "you can do this. I know it hurts but I literally saw a baby coming from your body without drugs so I feel like you're superwoman at this point."
"Just on that…" she began, "thank you for building me up about that, but can we not tell anyone I didn't take drugs?"
"Why!?," he asked, "you should be proud!"
"I mean, it wasn't something I set out to do— or not do, I just don't remember it being offered and maybe I was too out of it for some reason to have not fully understood what I was being asked, but there are a lot of women out there who do the pissing contest of labour stories and I don't ever want to make anyone feel bad for using drugs during birth. If I was sound minded I probably would have asked for something…"
"Oh, okay," he nodded.
"I don't really necessarily think it's heroic not to take drugs during birth, that's what they're there for and it's silly to turn it down if you aren't coping with pain, so… I don't want anyone to think I feel like I'm above science," she chuckled, "I don't know, does that make sense?"
"Yeah… I'm sorry if I did that. I just was really… proud is the wrong word because I wouldn't have been less proud if you had an epidural or some gas or something, but I guess I was shocked and really I think it's just a testament to how strong you are mentally and physically. I couldn't have done what you did."
"Well no, biologically your penis could never open up that big."
He winced and laughed, "Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, that did not look like a walk in the park, it did not appear like it wouldn't have hurt."
"You know," she began, thinking over her birth, "it's not a dignifying moment, but I think the pain is so bad that you just don't care— it's so primal and I'm not the sort of person who looks at this stuff with that earthy, air-y-fairy feeling, but… I kind of have forgotten the pain already. I think biologically our brains cut off the memory or else we'd stop going back for more."
He smiled. "Well, I think you did amazing and I'll just tell you in private how in-awe I was… but I think I'd still feel that with or without pain relief."
"Thank you baby. I'm surprised you still want to marry me after witnessing my vagina shape-shifting in to an exit tunnel for a small human," she chuckled.
Trevor let out a laugh, "You're crazy. It made me love you so much more deeply. Just a whole renewed sense of pride that I'm marrying you and that this life is everything I wanted and more."
"You're such a smooth talker," she smiled. "I love you."
"And I, in addition, love you too," he replied, "now go and pee and I can cheer you on."
"Okay," she replied with a sigh. He stood up and helped her up from the bed. "You actually don't need to cheer me on, I'll be okay, maybe go check on the kids and make sure there's no funny business."
"Yes ma'am," he smiled.
/
"What's going on there?" Amanda asked, rum and coke in one hand, perched to take a sip as she pointed to Tara and Hannah dancing. The man who had asked Tara to dance was long forgotten and instead, they watched her dancing with another woman. Raia shrugged, "I don't think anything weird is going on, they're just dancing, she looks like she's having fun."
Amanda wasn't entirely convinced but instead she turned back to Raia, "is it weird to be out at a bar when you have a husband at home?," she wondered, "because besides catching up with Liv about 8 months ago at a bar, I can't remember the last time I set foot in to one that wasn't for work."
Raia laughed, "Yeah, I have to admit it's been awhile," she replied taking a sip of her whisky and rye. "I'm not even sure if I like this scene anymore."
"Me either… it feels like… a little vapid, right?"
"Bingo!" Raia laughed, pointing at her, "spot on."
"Well, Olivia actually enjoys going to a bar, she says its the only place she can go where Noah can't be, so her guilt of leaving him at home is somewhat alleviated," she chuckled.
Raia grinned, "she really has a big heart, I don't even think twice at leaving my girls with their Dad."
"Me either," Amanda replied, "but I guess Olivia never had a back up besides her first nanny, Lucy and she didn't like to be too reliant upon her. She had other commitments."
"Yeah, that's fair. Maybe now that she has Trev she might feel a little different about leaving Noah with him and the little ones."
Amanda pulled out a bar stool and took a seat, her back hurting a little from standing for far too long. Raia did the same, following suite. "You know… I used to meet Lana, Trevor's first wife, every friday night for catch up drinks when we weren't on shifts… so, this feels kind of … a bit bittersweet."
"Oh, I'm sorry… Liv told me you and Lana were very close."
She nodded with a wry smile. "Yeah, very close," she agreed.
"Are you sad about the engagement? It would be totally okay if you were," Amanda pushed. She wanted to give Trevor's sister an outlet to talk about it so that she wouldn't take it out on her brother or even Olivia in other ways.
Raia thought about it for a second before taking a sip. She let the liquid settle on her tongue for a moment before looking at Amanda. "Am I sad that my brother found happiness again? Definitely not…" she replied honestly, "I wish you guys could have understood what he was like to be around before Olivia. When he did agree to see us, he was distracted and short and just… his grief was apparent in every avenue of his existence and it was really hard to just sit by and watch. We all tried hard to try to direct his attention to other stuff and he thought we were trying to forget her…"
"Bit hard to forget your bestfriend…"
"Yeah really," Raia agreed taking a big gulp of her drink. "I just wanted him to be okay. It's all water under the bridge. Trevor and I had it out in a big way right before he introduced us to Olivia— there was a lot unsaid and maybe that's both of our faults, but I think it just took meeting someone who was as kind and as warm as Liv to make him realise that it was okay to move on…"
"Liv was so… careful," Amanda told her, "I mean… she liked him, I know when Liv likes someone. She thinks she hides it so well, but… she was so soft around him but she was so scared of pushing something if he wasn't ready and I think she genuinely didn't plan for what happened, she just… wanted to be his friend more than anything I think. She needed one too."
"At least she had you."
Amanda almost visibly winced. "She didn't really. We didn't talk for a long time. Over Elliot," she admitted, taking a sip of her own drink, "I just couldn't watch her put herself through it repeatedly. It was heartbreaking… and she lied to me, she promised she would leave him and she didn't… I felt so betrayed which is no excuse, I know…"
"No," Raia held up her hand, "I get it. I don't think I could watch a friend do that either."
"I know but… Olivia would have never done that to me," Amanda replied regretfully, draining her drink, "but I've never been good at seeing women act weakly and that's my fault, not hers."
Raia gave her a weak smile, "I think you're being hard on yourself, I think you turned up when it counted. If Olivia ever needed help you would have been there. You just needed to let her do her thing and get it out of her system….and she did."
Amanda shrugged and turned her back to the bar, leaving behind her, the empty glass for the bar staff to collect. She looked at Trevor's dark-haired, gorgeous sister who wasn't as tall as she would have expected given that her brother was 6ft5. "Noah called the police a few times and Sonny and I were there faster than flashes. We removed him once. I was just really scared that she was going to be a domestic abuse survivor and angry that as such a strong woman and for the job that she does — seeing this shit escalate, she stayed. She couldn't even see it."
Raia waited for the bartender to come up to take the glass and ordered Amanda another drink and another one to park for herself until she finished her current one. "I don't know if this will help but… I worked with another nurse once who started seeing a guy and about 7 months later I found her outside when I was on my break and she was crying in a heap and I asked her what was wrong and she showed me some of the threatening messages her boyfriend sent her. I started noticing the bruises after that and I took her aside and tried to talk to her and she wouldn't have a bar of it…"
"Like Liv…"
"Yeah, even if Elliot wasn't beating her up, he was obviously emotionally and mentally abusing her and Noah too, probably."
"For sure," Amanda agreed, "he definitely did that."
"Well, this nurse… she wouldn't see that she was a victim. She would make excuses for him or say she was gonna leave, that she had the power, that every bruise was from a silly disagreement and that he had bruises too… you know? It got exhausting. She thought because we see victims of violent relationships often, that maybe she wasn't getting abused enough to consider herself a domestic violence victim. People never want to view themselves through the lens of a victim, not if they consider themselves smart, strong individuals."
"Yeah… you're right. I know that… but maybe that's why I was so angry, because even if she didn't trust herself, she should have trusted Sonny and I. When she finally told me she was going to break up with him, after we turned up to remove him — he'd smashed up all of her things and Noah told me he had her up against the wall screaming in her face— she said it was definitely over, for the good of Noah who had to witness it, who was traumatised by their fighting and who truly deserved better… I was just so relieved you know? And then just weeks later, I found out she'd been lying to me, they hadn't broken up, she was giving him another chance. And he left her for good about 3 months after that…"
"And were you there for her?"
"No… I mean, yes I wanted to be, but she was embarrassed and so I called Nick because she didn't want me anywhere near her and I don't blame her… we only kind of picked up where we left off when Noah started acting out awhile back."
"You know what, Amanda?," Raia paused to thank the barman for their drinks. She passed one to Olivia's bestfriend. "It's easy to live with regrets, but having lost the person who I was closest to, my bestfriend, I think you should let it go. You apologised, I'm sure and Liv has obviously forgiven you and I think that you should focus on your kids growing up together, continuing and enjoying your friendship forever and just learn from what's happened?" Raia offered.
"You're right and I'm sorry, I sound like an ass. I'm sorry you don't have your bestfriend."
Raia shrugged, "I appreciate that. I do miss her. If I can allow myself to say one thing, it's that she was a very, very serious person and I like that you guys can have a serious talk but it's also fun and light."
Amanda smiled. "I think Liv and I are pretty serious people but I think it's also the nature of our job, it can be…" she shrugged, "well, you know… we're probably getting the same kind of customers."
Raia chuckled beneath her breath as she finished her first drink and started on the other in waiting. "Yeah… but you guys have fun. I can see that Liv is serious, but I think my brother brings out her lightness too. She's just very…" she paused and looked for the right word, "self-aware and concerned about the energy she puts out."
"Oh, she can be tough as nails. She's my boss after all and even though we are close now and even though she's close with Sonny too, we've all had moments where we have experienced those fundamental disagreements and as my boss she can be really tough. It's just important to draw a line between friendship and work which can be hard."
"Yeah… I can see actually that she would expect a very high quality of care and passion for the job because it's clear to me that that's what she brings."
"She does," Amanda agreed, "like, you just really don't hear of CO's who are in the field on a daily basis and then she still manages the paperwork side of things too which can be hard. I think that's why Tara is working out so well, it takes some of weight of things from her shoulders and since our second in command is a little old and tired these days, Sonny and I help out with paperwork where we can. We're a great team, in all honesty."
"And how's it working with your husband?"
A smile filled her mouth as she turned to Raia. "It's great actually. We met at work, worked together for years and were the best of friends before we got together… Just quietly, he's not the father of the girls, but he never let's them feel like they're anything but his."
"Oh wow…" Raia laughed, "I think I actually told you that they looked like him!"
Amanda laughed too and shrugged, "they get that sometimes. I even think that Noah looks like Trevor. If I didn't know what I did…"
Raia laughed and agreed.
They were interrupted by Hannah joining them. She was dusting off her hands dramatically. "Well, my work is done… Tara will probably be doing the walk of shame in the morning."
"What?" Raia craned her head around and couldn't see the young mother anywhere. "Are you sure that's safe? Is she okay?"
Hannah laughed. "Oh, I went to use the bathroom and as I came out they were kissing against the wall and I was surprised but…" she chuckled and shrugged, "whatever, she probably needs this out of her system."
"Wait, wait-" Amanda held her hand up, "which guy did she go with? The guy who asked her to dance before?"
"No," Hannah laughed, "the girl…"
"What!" Raia laughed, "seriously? I didn't know she was in to women."
"Hannah shrugged, "maybe she is? Maybe she isn't… Maybe she's just going with what feels right?"
"What are we supposed to tell Kaci when she wakes up looking for her Mom?" Amanda asked with uncomfortable laughter.
Hannah looked a little stumped. "Oh, I know!," she smiled, "I'll tell her her Mom went for a walk by herself to find good coffees for us all. And then I'll text her and tell her she has to bring everyone coffees back — that way, Kace doesn't find out and we get free coffee."
"Oh my god, you're ridiculous," Raia laughed. "I mean, but I'm slightly worried. I feel like an overprotective big sister."
"Me too," Amanda replied.
"Guys, don't worry. She'll be okay. She's a grown up and we have to trust that she knows what she's doing. She promised to call me or text me if she needed anything."
"Okay, maybe just check in with her when you get home."
"If all else fails, I'll stay up and pick her up in the morning," she promised them, "please don't worry. We've been out a few times now and she's made out with a few guys… she's just trying to figure stuff out and have a little bit of fun, she's never had that before."
"Fair," Amanda nodded, "I can't talk anyway, I had my fair share of sex after my ex boyfriend dumped me," she smirked. "Good for her, I hope she has fun."
"Ugh, I'm not feeling very drunk. I feel like these drinks are watered down…" Hannah complained.
"Wanna go? Maybe we can just go back and sit on the beach and make our own drinks as long as we do it quietly," Amanda suggested.
"Sounds good to me, this bar is shit. I'm not feeling it."
/
Tara yawned as she found her daughter still snoozing after she arrived back home. Everyone in the house was asleep and the sun still wasn't up. She went in to the ensuite and piled her hair upon her head and got in to the shower again and rinsed her body off despite having a shower at Renee's cabin.
A little thrill passed through her as she thought about the way the night went. She was unprepared and not displeased about going home with a woman — something she could have never have imagined doing. It wasn't that she considered herself bisexual — but it felt right in the moment and there was an instant attraction and since she no longer had anyone making up laws to hold over her life, she decided to go with her feeling.
And it had been very very good.
She was embarrassed about having to face her friends in the morning. She had learned the woman was from Brooklyn and was a writer and was on a vacation working on her book. She lectured at NYU in special programs for young writers and she was very pretty and very sweet. She told Tara that she didn't mind if she never called her again, but expressed that if she wanted a friend or to catch up for coffee or maybe even a date, she should text or call.
And who knew, thought Tara as she turned off the faucet, maybe she would.