London
It had been days since Olivia sent that email to Fitz. In truth, she wanted to reach out to him but did not know what to say if she did. She felt so overwhelmed by everything—her mother's betrayal, her own life, and the unresolved feelings about Fitz.
Her phone buzzed again. It was her mother.
Olivia sighed, her stomach twisting with frustration. She knew this conversation was inevitable, but she dreaded it. Every call from Maya since their argument had been filled with guilt-tripping and passive aggression, all wrapped in a bow of maternal concern.
Taking a deep breath, Olivia swiped her finger across the screen to answer the call.
"Hello, Mom," she said, trying to keep her voice calm.
"Olivia, you've been avoiding me," Maya's voice came through, laced with a familiar edge. "And all because of some man? I didn't raise you to let a man get between us." Oh, she was out of the gate with the accusations today!
Olivia closed her eyes, the words hitting her like a brick wall. Of course, her mother would reduce everything to that—Fitz, the once love of her life, reduced to "some man."
"It's not just about Fitz, Mom," Olivia said, keeping her voice measured. "This is about the choices you took away from me. My entire life, I've felt like I've been living on your terms, not mine."
There was a long silence on the other end of the line. Olivia could hear her mother breathing, the tension building through the phone.
"I wanted what was best for you, Olivia," Maya finally said, her voice quieter but still firm. "Everything I did, I did for your future. I didn't want you to end up like me, struggling to make a life."
Olivia bit her lip, trying to hold back the anger that was bubbling beneath the surface. "But you never let me choose for myself. You decided that Fitz wasn't right for me. You decided to move us to the UK without my input. You decided that law school wasn't the right path. You decided everything. And now, I feel like I'm just waking up to the fact that none of this is what I wanted."
"That's not true," Maya snapped, her voice rising. "You've always been strong-willed, Olivia. You had every opportunity—"
"I didn't have the letters, Mom!" Olivia interrupted, her voice trembling. "You took away our letters. You took away my chance to decide whether I wanted to stay in touch with Fitz. You didn't even give me the option."
There was another long pause, and Olivia could almost hear her mother's thoughts racing. When Maya spoke again, her voice was shaky, almost broken. "I was trying to protect you."
Olivia's heart ached at the words. "I know you thought you were. But in doing so, you hurt me. And I don't know if I can forgive you for that. Not right now."
Her mother's voice softened, but the defensiveness remained. "Olivia, you need to understand—"
"I understand perfectly," Olivia said, cutting her off. "But I need space, Mom. I can't keep having this conversation with you. I can't keep living under your shadow. I need to figure out my own life, and right now, I can't do that with you constantly pushing me back into the past."
The line went silent, and Olivia waited for her mother's response. But all she heard was the faint sound of Maya breathing, the sharp intake of breath as though she were trying to suppress tears. For the first time, Maya didn't argue back.
"Fine," Maya said finally, her voice tight. "Do what you need to do. But don't expect me to sit here waiting forever."
"I'm not asking you to," Olivia replied, her voice soft but firm. "I just need time."
They said their goodbyes, the tension still thick between them. Olivia sat on the edge of her bed, feeling the weight of the conversation settle on her shoulders and guilt knotted in her stomach. She had finally said what she needed to say, but it didn't make it any easier. Maya was her mom and she knew how hard she worked to give them a life they both could be proud of. She wished her mother was more nurturing instead of focusing on providing. She provided well but often at the sacrifice of her emotional well-being. She understood that because her mother had to play both roles in her life she might've not had the opportunity to be softer.
Later that week, Olivia sat in front of her laptop, staring at the glowing screen as she waited for Cherise's call to connect. The Skype ringtone filled the room, and moments later, Cherise's smiling face appeared on the screen. She was radiant and beautiful with her hair like a halo.
"Hey, girl," Cherise greeted warmly, her signature afro bouncing with her every movement. "You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders."
Olivia smiled weakly, leaning back in her chair. "I feel like it." She couldn't even pretend to be upbeat. The past two weeks had pulled her into a dark place.
"What's going on?" Cherise asked, concern filling her voice. Olivia took her invitation and unburdened herself.
For the next half-hour, Olivia poured out everything she had been holding inside—the stolen letters, the confrontation with her mother, the confusion about her feelings for Fitz, and the overwhelming sense of being lost. Cherise listened attentively, nodding and offering small words of comfort as Olivia spoke.
"I just feel like... I don't know who I am anymore," Olivia admitted, her voice wavering. "I spent so long doing what other people wanted—what my mother wanted—that I've lost sight of what I want. I thought reconnecting with Fitz would help, but it's only made me realize how much more I need to figure out before I can even think about being with him."
Cherise nodded thoughtfully, her eyes narrowing in contemplation. "You need to find yourself, Liv. And that's okay. Sometimes we have to lose ourselves before we can figure out who we really are."
Olivia let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping. "I just don't know where to start." Tears flooded her eyes as she felt emotional.
"Well," Cherise began, leaning closer to the camera, "remember that spiritual retreat I mentioned? The one in Bali?"
Olivia's eyes widened slightly. "Yeah..."
"They're hosting another one. This time, it's a few months long—perfect for someone who needs to really dive deep and figure out what they want. You've already been to Bali once, and you loved it, right?"
Olivia's mind raced as she considered the possibility. The idea of going back to Bali, of leaving behind the chaos of London and immersing herself in healing, was tempting.
"I don't know," Olivia said hesitantly. "A few months is a long time."
"Exactly," Cherise replied. "It's long enough for you to really get in touch with yourself. To heal, to meditate, to just... be. No distractions, no pressure. You need that space, Liv."
Olivia nodded slowly, the idea settling in her mind. It was exactly what she needed—time to think, to heal, to figure out what her next steps were.
"You might be right," Olivia admitted. "Maybe going back to Bali is what I need."
Cherise smiled, satisfied. "I know I'm right. And you know what else? You need to call Fitz."
Olivia's heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. "I don't know, Cherise. I've been avoiding him. I don't want to lead him on when I'm not sure about anything."
"You're not leading him on," Cherise said firmly. "You're being honest with him. Call him, Liv. You owe it to both of you to have a real conversation. Don't ice him out. He deserves to know what's going on in your head."
Olivia sighed, running a hand through her hair. "You're right. I'll call him."
Cherise grinned. "Good. And after you've called him, book that flight to Bali. You've got some soul-searching to do."
Houston
Fitz stared at the deployment notice in his hands, the words blurring as his mind raced. Afghanistan. Again.
He had been through deployments before, but this time, something felt different. Maybe it was because of Gabe, or maybe it was because of Olivia. The thought of leaving his son, of missing more moments in Gabe's life, filled him with an anxiety he hadn't expected.
He placed the letter down on the kitchen table and turned his attention to Gabe, who was sitting on the floor nearby, focused on building a tower with his toy blocks.
"Daddy, look!" Gabe said excitedly, holding up a block in triumph. "I made a tall tower!"
Fitz smiled, the heaviness in his chest easing slightly as he watched his son's joy. "That's awesome, buddy. You're a great builder."
Gabe beamed, his little face lighting up with pride.
Fitz knelt down beside Gabe, helping him add another block to the tower. For a moment, he let himself get lost in the simplicity of the moment, pushing aside the worries about his deployment, about Olivia.
"Daddy?" Gabe asked after a while, his voice soft.
"Yeah, buddy?"
"Are you okay?"
Fitz's heart clenched at the question.
Before he could answer, Gabe said, "You look sad."
"Yeah, I am okay," Fitz said, keeping his voice gentle, trying to smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Even his son knew that his father was unhappy. He felt a hole in his life.
Gabe nodded and hugged his dad. Fitz almost cried at his gentle expression of love which almost brought him to his knees. It was exactly what he needed.
That evening, after Gabe had fallen asleep, Fitz sat in his living room, staring at the deployment notice again. He picked up his phone and dialed his mother's number, needing to hear her voice, to talk through everything.
"Fitz, honey," his mother answered, her voice warm as always. "How are you?"
Fitz sighed, leaning back against the couch. "I'm okay, Ma. I got my deployment notice. I'm heading to Afghanistan in a few months."
There was a pause on the other end of the line, and then his mother's voice came through, filled with concern. "Oh, Fitz... I was hoping you wouldn't have to go again so soon."
"Me too," Fitz admitted. "But it's happening."
"And Gabe? How is he handling it?"
"I haven't told him as yet," Fitz said, his voice softening. "He's a tough kid, but I know it will be hard for him."
There was a long silence, and then his mother's voice softened even more. "And how are things with Olivia?"
Fitz's chest tightened at the mention of her name. "I haven't heard from her since. She's... processing things and I didn't feel right reaching out."
His mother sighed, her voice filled with a mix of hurt and anger. "I still can't believe what her mother did—keeping your letters from each other. It breaks my heart to think about all the time you lost because of that."
"I know, Ma," Fitz said quietly. "It hurts. But I can't dwell on it. I just have to hope that Olivia finds her way back to me, whenever she's ready."
They continued talking and Fitz was grateful to still have his mother. When his dad passed the loss strengthened their bond. She was the first person he reached out to since he no longer had Olivia.
The following evening, Fitz had been sitting in his quiet living room, the only sound coming from the low hum of the air conditioner and the faint noise of the TV he wasn't really watching. His phone lit up on the coffee table, and when he saw Olivia's name on the screen, his heart lurched. He snatched the phone up quickly, hands trembling slightly as he answered.
"Livvie?" His voice cracked slightly with the weight of hope and uncertainty.
"Hey," Olivia's voice came through, soft but shaky. For a moment, neither of them spoke, both unsure of how to begin the conversation they'd been avoiding for months.
"I didn't think you'd call," Fitz said, trying to keep his voice steady. He had been waiting so long to hear from her, but now that the moment was here, all the things he had buried started rushing to the surface.
"I know," Olivia admitted, her voice heavy with emotion. "I've been wanting to... but it's been hard."
Fitz let out a long breath, running a hand through his hair. "Hard? Olivia, I've been going crazy not knowing where we stand, not knowing if you were ever going to talk to me again."
Olivia's breath hitched on the other end of the line. "I'm sorry, Fitz. I am. But I've had so much to process. I found those letters. I found out the truth about why we stopped talking all those years ago, and it's—it's messed me up."
Fitz felt a familiar burn in his chest. "You think it hasn't messed me up, too? Finding out that all this time, you were trying to reach out, that you were hurting just as much as I was, but your mother—" His voice cracked, and he clenched his fist, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Your mother took that from us. She stole years from us, Liv."
Tears welled in Olivia's eyes as she listened to the pain in Fitz's voice. She had imagined this conversation so many times, but nothing prepared her for the reality of hearing Fitz's anger and hurt laid bare.
"I know," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I'm so angry, Fitz. I'm angry at her for what she did, and I'm angry at myself for not seeing it, for not questioning why I never got your letters. She controlled everything, and I let her."
"You didn't let her, Liv. You were a kid. You trusted her." Fitz's voice softened, but the hurt still lingered. "But it doesn't make it any easier. I needed you, Livvie. When my dad died, I needed you, and I thought you didn't care. Do you know how much that broke me?"
Olivia let out a small sob, tears now streaming down her cheeks. "I cared, Fitz. I cared so much. I wrote to you, I poured everything into those letters, but they never reached you. And I hate her for that. I hate her for taking that from us."
Fitz wiped at his eyes, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. "I hate her too, Liv. I hate that she kept us apart, that she made me feel like you'd forgotten me. And I hate that I didn't give you a chance to explain back then. I just—God, I was so hurt, I just ended it over the phone like a coward. I shouldn't have done that."
The rawness in Fitz's voice made Olivia's chest tighten. "You had every right to be hurt, Fitz. But it doesn't change the fact that it broke me, too. When you called and said it was over, I didn't even have a chance to tell you everything. You just—" She paused, her voice breaking. "You just left me there, Fitz. Alone."
"I know," Fitz whispered, his own tears falling freely now. "I'm sorry, Livvie. I should've handled it better. I should've given you a chance. I was so consumed by my own pain, I couldn't see anything else."
Olivia sniffed, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "It's not all on you. We were both hurting, and we were both manipulated. But..."
"But it still hurts," Fitz finished for her. "God, Liv, it still hurts so much."
They were both quiet for a moment, the weight of the past pressing down on them. Olivia's heart felt heavy with the weight of everything unsaid, of all the lost years, of the love they had shared that had been stolen from them.
"I feel so lost, Fitz," Olivia finally said, her voice small. "I don't even know who I am anymore. I've spent my whole life trying to live up to my mother's expectations, doing what she wanted, and now... I just need time to figure out who I am. Away from her, away from everything."
Fitz's heart clenched at her words. "I get that, Liv, I do. But why do you have to ice me out to heal? Why can't we figure this out together? We've already lost so much time."
Olivia let out a shaky breath, the frustration and guilt gnawing at her. "Because I can't, Fitz. I can't do both. I can't find myself while trying to hold on to you. Every time I think about us, about what we had, it just... it clouds everything. I need to focus on me, on what I want, without being pulled in a million different directions."
Fitz was silent for a long moment, trying to process what she was saying. He understood it, logically. But that didn't mean it didn't tear him apart.
"You don't think I want you to be happy?" Fitz asked, his voice strained. "I want that more than anything, Liv. But it kills me that to find yourself, you think you have to push me away."
"I'm not pushing you away forever," Olivia said softly, her voice filled with emotion. "I just... I need space right now. I can't give you what you deserve if I'm not whole myself."
Fitz wiped his eyes again, his jaw clenching with frustration. "I don't agree with it, but I understand. I want you to find yourself, Liv, I really do. But don't shut me out completely. I need to know that when you're ready, when you've figured it out, that you'll come back to me."
Olivia's breath caught in her throat, tears falling faster now. "I'll come back, Fitz. I just need time."
There was a long pause on the line, the silence heavy with the weight of their shared pain. Neither of them wanted to let go, but they both knew it was necessary.
"I love you, Livvie," Fitz said, his voice breaking. "I always have. And I always will."
"I love you too," Olivia whispered, her heart aching. "And that's why I need to do this. For me. For us."
Fitz swallowed hard, his voice thick with emotion. "Okay. Take your time. But don't take too long, Liv. I've already waited ten years."
"I won't," Olivia promised, her voice filled with both hope and sadness.
They sat in silence for a moment, both of them struggling to find the right words, knowing that there were no perfect answers.
"Goodbye, Fitz," Olivia said softly, her voice trembling.
"Goodbye for now, Liv," Fitz corrected, his heart aching with every word. "Not forever."
"Not forever," Olivia agreed, her voice barely above a whisper.
When the call ended, Fitz sat there in the darkness, the silence of the house pressing in on him. His chest felt heavy like a weight had been placed on it, and yet, for the first time in months, he felt a small glimmer of hope.
She would come back to him. He just had to wait. Again.
And this time, he would be ready.
Olivia put down her phone, her heart aching but a little lighter. She knew this was what she needed—time, space, and healing. Fitz would always be there, waiting in the background. But for now, it was time for her to find herself. To live for herself.
And she would. Starting with Bali.
But she knew one thing for sure: when she was ready, she would return to him. When the time was right.
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