Chapter 2
Tuck: So, how did the commentary go with the fanbase?
Sheldon: Oh, you know. Some were shocked that the titular robot was two humans in a suit, that Tuck went from a sweet kid to a foul-mouthed 20 something with a gun, that Sheldon is happily married instead of "dying alone with a cup of whiskey on his left hand". Basically, losers living in their butts rather than reality.
Jeanine: (upset) Those losers make me sick. Don't they know that "Sheldon the stalker" is a made up character in a TV show who was played by someone who, in hindsight, had no clue "certain lines" would age poorly. Blaming the actor who played a character that followed a script, which was the executives fault, is both idiotic and pathetic.
Tuck: And as for those who complain about me, tell you what, you spend the entirety of your adolescence reading some dumb lines that make you appear like some snot nosed brat, coupled by brainless adults who think kids are too narrow minded to accept someone of their age learning a lesson from his mistakes, and to add insult to injury, talent agents telling you to repress all "negative feelings" to net zero until the show's over, then you can ride your high horse all the way to Ponyville!
Brad: And to interrupt more outbursts, it's commentary time!
[Introduction to the series]
Brad: Okay! We're in the second episode of the series and we have finally arrived at the introduction of two surprising events: the beginning of the exoskin arc and Jenny's first day at school.
Tuck: Say, where's Nora Wakeman?
Jeanine: According to her recent text, "I'm busy with a podcast. Can't make it for commentary." So, let's explain the scene in the beginning of the episode.
[The gang watch the scene where Nora and Jenny are confronting each other]
Jenny: Now, let's address the point of this scene. This was one of those "homages" to several popular films of long ago that Rob insisted that the bait-and-switch part needed to be precise. I still remember how I struggled to make a stern face towards my mother. And then, the weapons.
[Nora Wakeman in the scene starts shouting the names of the various weapons the robot can pull out and Jenny starts remembering the poses for each weapon]
Jenny: Let's see, the laser was just me holding a wooden stick. The one involving the paws was a pair of Rob's old boxing gloves resown and painted into looking mechanical. The shiva sword involved me in a lotus pose. I still remember having to stay in that pose for 12 hours! My left leg fell asleep after the first hour and the executives were adamant that I remain like this to prevent "money problems". Had I had the experience with chakra balances my husband taught me in my later life, that scene should've been quick in 3 minutes. And then there's this scene.
TV Nora: Stretchy arm and extend-o finger!
TV Jenny/Jenny: Stretchy whatsit and extendo-who?
TV Nora/Jeanine: XJ-9, I thought you said you studied!?/Sister, I thought you said you'd study?
TV Jenny: Yeah, it was chapter 8?
TV Nora/Jeanine: XJ9, you should be grateful you come with an instruction manual. I certainly wish humans did./Sis, be glad you have me to bounce your flubbed scenes. I just wished they mattered later on in the series.
TV Nora: Chapter 99: Stretchy arm and extend-o finger.
TV Jenny: Here it goes.
[The robot makes the move to abysmal results]
TV Jenny: Wow. That's useful!
Jenny: I was unaware of the power of the Chekhov's gun.
TV Tuck: Could come in handy during a tickle fight.
Tuck: (seething) Oh my goodness!
TV Nora: What are you two doing here?
Brad: The more important question is, what do the two of us have planned for this episode?
TV Brad: We came to invite Jenny to the Town Square Fair.
Tuck: (sarcastic) Ah yes, the part of the episode where I publicly humiliate myself over something completely stupid! (seethes) I can't wait!
TV Brad: And this year, Tuck is going to face his fears and ride the ferris wheel.
TV Jenny: Tuck's afraid of heights?
TV Brad: No, giant wheels, anything bigger than a car tire give him the heebie-jeebies.
[Tuck, unfortunately, can't hold his anger, tries to shoot the TV out of embarrassment, and starts lashing out when that fails]
Tuck: THAT IS A BIG, FAT LIE! I ONLY YELLED LIKE SOME MANIAC BECAUSE STUDIO EXECUTIVES GOT ME INTO A PLANE TO EXPERIENCE THE CHILDHOOD FEAR OF ACROPHOBIA! ONCE I STARTED YELLING, THEY HAD ME, A TRAUMATIZED KID RECREATE THE ENTIRE SCENE ON THAT DAMN FERRIS WHEEL SO THAT THE EPISODE CAN MAKE MY YELLINGS "AUTHENTIC"!
[Tuck starts sighing after that outburst]
Brad: Well, that was something, little brother.
Tuck: I just . . . can't stand my random yellings like it was funny. I literally suffered, bro.
Sheldon: Well, just be glad that season 4-7 let you have the character development you deserved.
Tuck: (relieved) Thanks, that makes me feel better.
TV Nora: It only takes one person screaming to cause a mass panic.
Tuck: Oops. I guess I skipped some important development.
[Sheldon pauses the episode]
Sheldon: Not really. I mean, according to Nora and Rob, this was one of those "if we released some important information early on, then the reason would make sense".
Tuck: What reason?
Sheldon: Remember the "reason" why XJ9 was "supposed" to be hidden from the public eye?
Tuck: Because the human race, mostly Tremorton, is technophobic?
Sheldon: That was the executive's reason for why the robot needed to hide. The actual reason, according to Rob, was regarding a certain incident from long ago that cemented the Wakeman's into permanent ostracization until seasons 4-6 made everyone in Tremorton realize their individualized errors and gave Team Wakeman a decent apology.
Tuck: That still doesn't answer my question.
Jeanine: It's like this, Tuck. It all started with Rob . . .
[Screen turns static and words appear on the screen]
"Mr. Renzetti would like to comment that the real reason as to why XJ-9 was ostracized will not be spoken in detail until the very end of this series."
[Screen turns static and turns our attention towards the cast]
Jeanine: And after some numerous iterations, we finally got ourselves the real reason why XJ9 needed to be hidden from all costs.
Tuck: Oh, that's understandable.
Brad: I mean, when you put it like that, then Nora's attitude in this scene kinda makes sense.
Sheldon: Eventually, the fanbase was the ultimate judge and many of them were contentful with that reason.
Jenny: And yet, the executives felt that all of it was unnecessary in a "kids show".
Jeanine: Sis, studio executives are old people who live in that universe that anything silly is meant for children only. Even with the amount of violence and kissing scenes that are present in "children's media".
Sheldon: So, that thing with Flynn and Norio watching a late night show was an exception?
Jenny: Sheldon! They're babies. They're too young to understand raunchy humor like that.
Jeanine: Besides, late night shows are for adults only. I can't have my son be exposed to unmitigated filth while shows he's supposed to see are condescendingly mind numbing. Let's watch the rest of the episode.
[Sheldon presses the play button]
TV Brad: Come on, doc. I doubt anybody will even notice her.
Brad: Tempting fate, me.
TV Nora: A 6 ft robot girl and nobody will notice?
TV Jenny: I didn't realize I was such a scary-looking freak.
Sheldon: (upset) Was that meant to be an insult or something!? I met a lot of tall people and sponsored a bunch of short dudes and nobody gave a darn about height. Also, as a 5 ft tall guy, I'm insulted by the insinuation of someone calling my wife a tall freak!
[Both sisters embrace Sheldon for speaking aloud his opinions]
TV Brad: You're not, it's easy to see you're just like everybody else.
TV Tuck: If you get past the whole scary, freaky robot thing and all your scary, freaky robot powers.
[Suddenly, the TV explodes, shocking everyone as they see Tuck, nonchalantly, shooting the TV with his gun until Brad and Sheldon hold him down as the screen plays a "Please Stand By" until the situation is under control. Afterwards, another TV is installed as the team tries to make Tuck understand why his actions was uncalled for]
Brad: Little brother! That was an unjust act to do in front of two pregnant women!
Sheldon: I understand you were upset regarding "certain scenes" but that was just ridiculous.
Tuck: I looked at that scene and I wondered why my line should have been more empathetic, like comparing my life with Jenny's situation rather than making a comically missing the point joke.
?: But Uncy Tuck, I like seeing you act like a scaredy-cat. It makes me laugh.
Jeanine: Who said that?
[Suddenly, two people enter the room. The former is a redheaded girl, wearing a pink blouse, red skirt and Mary-jane shoes. The latter, a black haired girl, wears a blue shirt with Agent Xero on the front, a selvedge jean jacket, ripped leather pants, blue stockings, blue toe stilettos and a Wakeman Labs logo barrette. They make it on the couch where Sheldon recognizes them]
Sheldon: Candi!? Eartha!? Why are you two here?
Candi: To support my daddy!
Eartha: We were curious to see where you and mom went and I may have taken your phone to see this meeting where Mister Renzetti wanted to make the commentary.
Candi: What's a commentary?
Eartha: You know that show moms and dad did a while ago.
Candi: Yeah. That was awesome!
Eartha: Well, they, along with our uncs, are going to talk about what made those episodes work and the impact they left behind.
Candi: Ooooh. Yay. It sounds fun!
Tuck: Fun for some people.
Candi: Is that camera on, Uncy Tuck?
Tuck: Yeah!
[Candi heads towards the camera and says something]
Candi: Attention all fat slobs in the world! Stop making bad fanfiction about my daddy! He made those silly things when issues like harrysment was not important than it is now! You people want to make him sad because you are all failures in life and can't stand how my daddy has the good life! Now, kiss my foot!
[Jenny, embarrassed, picks up her daughter and sits her down to watch the episode]
Candi: MOM! I was defending you!
Eartha: She knows but you were declaring a flame war for saying things that are "controversial".
Sheldon: Say, Eartha, are those my selvedge jeans?
Eartha: You weren't wearing them so I fashioned them into a jacket for my social media posts. Like, I got 5 million views for my pose alone.
Jeanine: Earthy, I bought those for your father. You owe him $90, young lady.
Eartha: (sigh) Fine. (pulls out cell phone) Hey dad, Imma transfer you $90, is that ok?
Sheldon: Thanks, Earth! I'm glad we named you after a planet.
Jeanine: That and after an actress we met long ago.
Sheldon: Boy, imma feeling old.
Eartha: (snickers) Dad. Stop being a dork.
Sheldon: Well, when I was your age, little girl, that was an insult. Nowadays, it's a term of endearment. So, again, imma feeling old.
Candi: Yeah, sis, stop hurting our daddy!
Eartha: Fine. Sorry, dad for hurting your feelings.
Sheldon: It's aight! Now let's watch your moms act.
TV Jenny: Please Mom, there's gotta be someway I can go?
Candi: Where's mom going?
Eartha: Watch, Candi.
TV Nora: I'm sorry XJ9.
[TV Jenny gets mad]
Candi: (excited) Mommy is like that whenever Norio does something dumb.
Eartha: (surprised) Huh? Why am I getting "mom flashbacks" from this?
TV Brad: Uh, Tuck, we better go.
TV Tuck: Aww, but I wanna see the fight
TV Jenny: You never let me do anything I want! Work! Work! Work! I never get to do anything fun!
[Eartha pauses the screen]
Candi: (annoyed) Oh, great. This is Audrey all over again. (yells at the tv) I'm sorry you had a bad birthday, sis! But daddy never invented the weather machine until Norio was born. So blame the weather man like mom did!
[Jenny whistles as a distraction]
Eartha: I keep forgetting who was whinier: Moira or Sandy. I mean, at the very least, Cree was understandable with why her producer went on a union strike over cookie time.
Tuck: Cookie time?
Eartha: It's complicated, Unc. A lot of debates over what type of cookies should be served and how much time the breaks should take. Sandy insists, to this day, that the producer should've been fired from day one. For Moira, she thinks the film should've included her to win first place. But, ultimately, Cree went with her gut and the result was second place, to her amazement.
Jeanine: You know your sister tried her best, dear.
Eartha: Yeah, mom.
[She presses play]
TV Jenny: If you don't let me go, I'll, I'll.
TV Nora: Don't you raise your lasers at me, young lady!
TV Jenny: Waah!
Candi: (sigh) Just like Audrey.
Eartha: (worried) Just like Moira.
TV Nora: XJ9, calm down. You're scaring me.
TV Jenny: Great. Even you're scared of the freaky robot
Eartha: (freaked out) Just like Moira.
Sheldon: I mean, she wanted that role, dear, so of course this feels too real for you. But, Moira got better when she realized there are better roles than some missed opportunity.
Jeanine: Besides, Eartha. Production went south when gas tanks exploded, remember.
Eartha: Oh, yeah. Dumb coffee guy.
TV Jenny: Why can't I look like everyone else?
[Eartha turns pale from that statement]
Sheldon: Eartha! That line predates your brother, Blum Wakeman, and he even got over that in one hour.
Jeanine: Have you ever watched the show, dear?
Eartha: I mean, certain episodes. I kinda never saw the first seasons due to their "vintage-ness".
TV Nora: Maybe you can! I can create a synthetic Human with cybernetic sensors that will link up with your robotic exterior and give you the appearance of a normal teenage girl.
Candi: Is that supposed to be my mom? Let me tell you something, my mom in the morning looks a lot different than what this show is telling you.
[Jenny slaps her daughter's mouth]
Jenny: That's enough out of you, Audrey.
Eartha: Wait, that was mom? I'm pretty sure that was my other mother, Genevieve, on the screen because my mother looks way different than my other mother. First of all -
[Jeanine slaps her daughter's mouth]
Jeanine: That's enough out of you, Eartha.
TV Jenny: Oh, thank you, mom. I can hardly wait to try my new outfit tomorrow at the fair.
TV Nora: XJ-9! Something complicated like this takes a while to develop.
TV Jenny: How long?
TV Nora: 3-4 months.
TV Jenny: In other words, never.
[Eartha pulls out her phone and texts Sheldon]
Eartha: (text) "Mom is exaggerating a bit. Remember that time Sandy wanted to drive and you told her she had to wait 9 months."
Sheldon: (text) "Well, she was one of those cocky know-it-alls. I'm surprised that your mother allowed it before I told her my insurance premiums were up."
Eartha: (text) "Really upset that we never went to Aruba."
Jeanine: (text) "Sandy had to wait, dear. Besides, the car was totaled after that test drive. Also, remember who pays for your texting privileges."
[Eartha puts away her phone and watches the episode]
Sheldon: "But I pay for everything, Jeanine."
Jeanine: "But our kids don't know that, hubby. Cheeky emoji"
TV Nora: Well, with a few design modifications, I could have something tomorrow.
TV Jenny: Oh, thank you.
[Candi hugs her dad out of love from that scene]
Sheldon: Aww, thanks Candi.
[Eartha also hugs out of love]
Sheldon: Thanks Eartha.
Candi: We hug our daddy because he's wonderful to us.
Eartha: I mean, we might not crush his windpipe but we are respectful to the family lineage.
Jeanine: We may have differences between the family.
Jenny: But you're our kids and that's enough.
Candi: Better than Audrey?
Sheldon: Don't push it, Candi.
Eartha: Yeah, Candi.
Candi: Well, worth a shot.
Eartha: Does that mean I can have an electric Porsche like Moira?
Sheldon: Did you unionize the animation department?
Jeanine: And bought me a private island?
Eartha: Well, worth a shot.
TV Jenny: Oh, I can hardly wait until tomorrow.
[The clock ticks until it dings and TV Jenny clicks it off]
TV Jenny: (excited) Is it ready?
Eartha: No, mom. It's an archaic technology that never got past the embryonic stage.
TV Nora: (exhausted) Good morning, dear.
TV Jenny: Is this my exo-skin?
Eartha: NO, MOM! Put that glob of synthetic flesh down this instant!
TV Nora: (mumbling) Well, let's just say it's a prototype.
Sheldon: That's putting it lightly.
TV Jenny: Oh boy, I can hardly wait to try it on.
[Zips the exoskin]
TV Jenny: Well, what do you think?
Candi: You look like that monster in the third part of the exoskin saga.
Jenny: How do you know that?
Candi: Masako and Moira showed it to me.
Jeanine: You let your little sister watch a scary episode!?
Candi: Just the middle and end parts. Never saw the beginning.
[Jenny hugs her daughter, fraughtful]
Eartha: In my defense, none of us thought the ending was going to be interesting.
Sheldon: You thought it was going to be anti-climatic?
Eartha: That's putting it lightly.
TV Jenny: I got to get to the fair.
Eartha: Mom! Get back here!
Tuck: Wait, who are you referring to?
Eartha: Elaborate?
Tuck: Which mom are you referring to? Like you got four moms. Be specific.
Candi: Duh, Uncy Tuck, it's Jeanine in that suit.
Jenny: Actually, that was me in the exoskin, dear. Your other mother is the one wearing the CGI suit.
TV Nora: The odds of this turning into a disaster are quite high.
Jeanine: That's putting it lightly.
[The scene then presents the fair with the citizens enjoying the time of their lives. All the while, Brad and Tuck try to ride the ferris wheel, with the little boy hyperventilating]
Tuck: This scene with me breathing like I was in some panic attack took a lot of oxygen. Rob Renzetti bought a tanker full of oxygen for such an event. These scenes where I hyperventilate was 568 hours of me breathing out my lungs like they've been shot! I can't even tell you guys how I kept fainting in those scenes! In fact, in that one close up of me breathing in and out, you can clearly see the gas mask on my face! That blurry etching was a gas mask and there is nothing that can make me even more angry than to remind and point to people about that faint etch!
Brad: Yeah, that mask erasure was done by the editing department and even they are upset over the error.
TV Brad: Tuck?
TV Tuck: It doesn't even look like a . . .
Rando: Wow, look at the size of this wheel. This must be the most giantest wheel in the whole tristate area.
[Tuck opens his gun magazine, empties the casings and reloads]
Tuck: Brad! Where the fuck is that rando actor!? I want to pop his skull wide open for stating that cheap remark!
Candi: Uncy. Are you going to kill people?
Tuck: No. I just want to make those monsters who had me scream for laughs pay.
Candi: My mom tells me to let go of the past and accept today.
Tuck: If only my past self heard that.
[The scene then changes to XJ9 entering the fairgrounds in her exoskin. The fairgoers, shocked by what they see, pan out to reveal XJ9 wearing the skin and looking like a creepy glob of skin. TV Nora runs towards her daughter only to collapse out of exhaustion. The people, being dumbasses, react appropriately]
Rando: Oh, my heavens. That wacko Wakeman has created some sort of rag doll frankenstein!
Rando: And it's gone wild and killed its creator.
[The fairgoers go wild]
Candi: Oh you idiots, stop screaming! My mom looks nothing like that. She's beautiful.
Eartha: What's wrong with you dopes? You never seen antiquated tech like this before?
Sheldon: More importantly, have you never seen a robot before!?
TV Jenny: What's going on? Why is everyone screaming?
[Rando screams]
Tuck: (sarcastic) That seems to answer the question.
TV Jenny: What's the problem?
Rando: No, spare me, monster! Spare me!
Candi: Baby!
TV Jenny: Monster? I'm not a monster. I'm a normal teenage girl. Aren't I?
Eartha: I mean, you need to spruce up that dress but sure mom, you're a normal teen girl.
Jenny: What's wrong with my exoskin dress?
Eartha: It looks like something "of its time".
TV Jenny: Ahh! I am a monster.
Candi: No, you aren't. They are!
Rando: And you have terrorized us poor townspeople long enough!
Brad: Hey, look, it's Patrick, the stagehand.
Tuck: And the other stagehands. (awkwardly mumbles) They've slimmed down after the series was over.
Patrick: It's time we took the law into our own hands!
Townsfolk: YAH!
[XJ9 makes a run for it while the mob chases her. However, due to their extremely poor diet, they slow down, letting XJ9 escape]
Patrick: And don't (huff) come back! (huff) Anyone want a corndog?
Eartha: How about a salad, Patrick? You kinda want to steer clear from a heart attack.
[The Carbuckle brothers are on top of the ride with Tuck screaming out his lungs]
TV Brad: What is all that screaming?
TV Tuck: Me.
[Continues screaming]
Tuck: Actually, that was an audio recording due to my vocal cords getting sore from shredding my voice like that.
Brad: I do remember that scene. You were opening your mouth and had to hold it like that until your jawline started getting itchy.
Tuck: 8 hours, brother. It took 8 hours of me not lifting a finger until the producer, not Rob, said cut.
TV Tuck: Wow, look at them down there. They look like ants.
TV Brad: Frantic, screaming ants.
Brad: That's putting it light-
Tuck: No, Brad! Just, no!
[Suddenly, a screaming worker ramps up the speed of the ferris wheel until it latches off and rolls towards a straight line. Tuck screams alerting XJ9]
TV Jenny: Tuck?
[We pan out to see the wheel's direction. It's a power line that zaps a bird perching on it. Now determined to save her friends, XJ9 rips her exoskin and tries to stop the wheel from electrocuting the Carbuckle brothers, to little success]
Jenny: Come on, me. You should know better than to grab the capsule when in motion.
TV Jenny: What'll I do?
TV Nora/Candi/Eartha: Stretchy arm and extend-o fingers! Stretchy arm and extend-o fingers! Stretchy arm and extend-o fingers!
TV Jenny/Jenny: Alright, mom. I heard you the first time./ All right, you two! I understand the Chekhov's gun you chanted.
Jeanine: Remember, I did this scene in one take.
[XJ9 uses the stretchy arm and extend-o fingers and immediately stops the wheel from reaching the power lines. Reeling it back to the fairgrounds, she gets congrats from the townsfolk.]
Fair worker: You saved the fair, Ms XJ9.
Fair worker: Keep up the good work, robot girl.
?: That's Jenny. She's got freaky robot powers.
?: Cool.
Brad: Is that Craig and Quayle's first introduction?
Sheldon: I don't know. Never bother asking them.
[TV Jenny sighs]
TV Nora: What's wrong, XJ9? I thought you wanted to be part of the fair?
TV Jenny: I wanted to be part of the fair, but I didn't want to be part of the machinery.
Candi: Sorry mom. But you know, baby steps.
Eartha: Eventually, you won the town's respect and became part of the human race. But that's a story for another time.
Brad: Onwards to the next episode!
[They play the next episode, Class Action, and the Wakeman family's cell-phones start ringing frantically. Jeanine picks her up, checks her screen and notices several text messages from her sister]
Jeanine: It's Genevieve. "Hey sis! It's Genevieve Wakeman. Eartha and Candi are missing. Please help. Jenora is worried and that's #badforbabyhealth!"
Jenny: (text) "It's fine. The two are with us at the studio and watching us commentate the show. Tell Jenora to calm down and focus on the kids. Be back in a few hours."
Jeanine: Your other mother texted me to say your disappearance almost miscarried Jenora's baby. Care to explain?
Eartha: I told you. I got curious, looked into dad's phone, saw that Rob wanted to do a commentary, and followed you here.
[Both sisters give their respective daughters a stern look until Candi spills it]
Candi: Eartha told mommy Genny that we were going on a walk.
[That was enough to make the sisters "reconsider"]
Jenny: Jeanine, remind me to cancel Eartha's phone service plan.
Jeanine: Way ahead of you.
Eartha: Darn it.
[The episode plays and we introduce the Wakemans in a compartment]
TV Nora: Final destination coming into visual range. XJ9, we are approaching ground zero.
TV Jenny: Just securing my equipment.
TV Nora: This could be your toughest challenge ever. A constant test of your abilities. The pressure to perform could become unbearable. There is no dishonor should you decide to back out. Ready to deploy. On your mark. Depressurizing chamber in five, four, three, two, one. Go! Go! Go!
[We see the robot exit the compartment and reveal that it was, in reality, her first day of school.]
TV Jenny: Now's my chance to blend in!
Eartha: Tempting fate, in five, four . . .
TV Nora: Okay, bye-bye, sweetie. Have a good first day!
TV Jenny: Into the new school year, my mom's already made me a laughingstock.
Eartha: Oh, please, mom! I still remember the day me, Moira and Sandy endured this on our first day. I made it out unscathed, of course. Sandy, however, was lucky her status as an actor in training kept her from total humiliation.
Sheldon: And Moira?
Eartha: Heck hath no fury than making a teen girl cry in front of our mom.
[Jeanine cracks her knuckles]
Jeanine: And now those kids are spending their freshmen lives in a third rate school.
TV Jenny: Recovering from public humiliation in 10 easy steps.
TV Brad: Wow, school hasn't even started and you're already studying. You robots are hard core!
Eartha: Well, our dad is a genius. We're not raised to live off our own parent's money like most of those trust fund kids I "hung-out" with during my freshman year. Thank goodness for afterschool programs.
TV Jenny: All the magazines agree: Success in high school equals popularity. And the key to popularity is to get in with the "in" crowd.
Eartha: Not according to me, Cree, Moira and Sandy. That's an endless road to nowhere.
TV Brad: You know, Jen, I agree with a certain degree of popularity. But not all popular kids are so cool or make the best friends.
Brad: Uh-oh, it's those people again.
Candi: What people, Uncle Brad?
TV Brad: In fact, some of the most popular kids are the nastiest. Perfect example: The Crust Cousins.
[We see the titular cousins in their attire strutting like a bunch of runway models. The screen pauses because of noise from Eartha as she points and laughs at the cousins for their attire]
Eartha: (containing laughter) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just. Why? What are those dime store rags they have for clothes? (snickers) I know there's a story called "The Emperor's New Clothes", but these two obviously can't afford being in the nude and took old bedsheets and painted with gaudy colors to hide their own failures. I mean, the people watching them had to have been paid because one minute of looking at them is enough for me. I honestly have no decent criticism other than "Hey great-grandma, your tailor called. He wants his dead mother's veil back!"
[Jeanine slaps her daughter's mouth]
Jeanine: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I think you made your point.
Eartha: I'm sorry mom, but these girls wearing such outdated fashion can't stop my laughter. I betcha if Moira, Sandy, heck, even Cree were with me, that not even dad can shush them for 2 hours. I mean, those clothes suck.
?: That was the fashion back then. When social media wasn't invented yet.
[The group pauses the screen, turns around and notices the writing staff. The entire student body of Tremorton High appears to watch the series along with the cast themselves.
Brad: Hey look! It's our writing staff. Hey, fellas, how's it going?
[The first to make the introductions is Lenny, wearing a business suit, oxford tie, and black suedes.]
Lenny: Oh, you know. Making do and getting involved with whatever Rob has planned. Then, word on the vine says that Mr Renzetti is making a commentary of the show we worked on, "My Life as A Teenage Robot". So, I contacted the fellas, found the location and we're here to explain how the production side of things went and how much the executives keep harassing us. Also, thanks for the tip, Earthy.
[Sheldon glares at his daughter]
Eartha: You and mom never told me how the show went. All I did was ask Lenny for a favor.
Monroe: So, which part are we in?
[They watch the paused screen and moan in agony]
Kim: Augh! Not the Crust Cousins episode! That is seared in my head for how they hogged all the screen time.
George: The Crust Cousins. Not again! I hate them in person. I hate them on screen. And I still hate them for screwing me out of my royalties!
Zamantha: I don't blame you. Thankfully, their ignorance towards social media prevented more copycats from springing up. So, there's that.
Juniper: Also with the fact that Season 4 happened. Remember the episode where they and Don got expelled.
[Everyone murmurs in excitement]
Jeanine: Shh. We haven't got to that part yet.
Juniper: Oh, right, sorry. No spoilers. But, let's just say, seasons 4-7, instant catharsis.
Lenny: So, we missed the first episode.
Brad: Yep.
Monroe: I mean, I don't blame you but at least can we talk about the sisters in the CGI suit?
Jeanine: We have. We went into a full explanation on that.
Dexter: So, should we introduce her?
Monroe: Who?
Dexter: You know who?
Monroe: I mean, the hate mongers have quelled for the time being. So, perhaps.
?: Oh, I'll just introduce myself! No thanks for the intro!
[Out of the shadows, in comes Pteresa, now sporting a red blazer with shoulder pads, black tie, white pants, and black heels, in a serious demeanor, as she clicks her way into the room to sit down with Jenny.]
Jenny: Hi, bestie.
Pteresa: (shy) Hi, cool kid.
Jenny: Come on. We're adults now. There's no need to feel ashamed about it.
Pteresa: I can't. I just can't. Not after that horrendous scene I did.
Jenny: It's just a show, don't be so uppity.
Pteresa: The shame is just too much, girl.
[Jenny smiles and hugs Pteresa out of sincerity]
Lenny: Oh, right. We missed part one of the exoskin saga. That part with the mob. Fun fact, the whole "Patrick speaking in an eastern European accent" was an executive decision. I wanted them to speak normally, but those idiots in suits gave the final order. "It's called comedy, you dumb kid." (raspberry) Dumb executives!
Monroe: There was also Dexter's unwanted cameo.
Sheldon: Dexter? It wasn't Quayle saying "she's got freaky robot powers"?
Lenny: No. Quayle had performance problems, remember?
Brad: Oh, right. So, it was Dexter and Craig's first cameo.
Zamantha: Dexter, yes. Craig, I'm not sure.
George: I want to say it was Flibert but he's insistent that he was in the janitor's room when that scene was filmed.
Brad: I guess we will never know who that person was.
Sheldon: Say, we don't have enough room for the staff, so how do we?
[Lenny's phone rings]
Lenny: Got a text from Rob. He's sending some more seating furniture for all of us. He's also sending me a queen size bed.
Tuck: Let me guess, back problems?
Lenny: Yeah. Season 5 was back breaking but worth it!
Pteresa: So, let's talk about the Crust Cousins. I'll start. I was forced to befriend them by orders from the executives and ever since their expulsion I blocked them from all my social media accounts. Any of those smiles I've had in this series were nothing but repressed stabbings in the back.
Lenny: Yeah. The executives were adamant that Rob Renzetti add some "actual teenagers" if Jenny was ever to attend school. And by "actual teenagers", they meant the stock standard types of modern media. From buff jocks, scrawny nerds, pretty girls, and those losers in the background.
George: However, to us writers, the real "cool kids" was Team Wakeman and the Crust Cousins are the actual losers in the background.
Kim: But, that's nothing compared to a "certain executive".
[Everyone, except the kids, shudders]
Candi: I don't get it?
Eartha: Who is it?
Lenny: Oh! The Wakeman kids. I didn't see you there. Um, let's watch the episode before I can tell you what I'm talking about.
Candi: Okay. Also, hi Pteresa!
Pteresa: Hi, little Candi.
Candi: (smiles) Can I play with Gremory sometime?
Pteresa: Gremory is actually with a friend. Some other time, though.
Candi: Okay.
Jenny: It's nice that your son is playing with my daughter.
Pteresa: In a sea full of angry stares, he's my only reason why I'm confident about the future.
Jenny: (looks at the camera) You see what happens when you blame the actor instead of the writer.
Lenny: (interrupts) Ahem! Executive meddling! Most of us wanted to follow our hearts but "you-know-who" insists that we follow "today's trends".
[The couches and bed arrive and the writing staff sit on their respective areas as they continue with the episode. They get to the part where XJ9 introduces herself]
TV Jenny: What is up, homeslices? My name's Jenny! I've been doing some calculations, and I've computed that it would be totally 'fab' if, after a day of serious study, we could hang out, kick it, chill, and do our homework together!
[The entire staff and Eartha couldn't contain their laughter over the amount of cheese Jenny has introduced]
Jeanine: Fun fact, that was my sister, Jenny, saying those words.
Eartha: Wow, mom! And I thought Blum's first day was a riot. This is just a delta move.
Lenny: Those words never surprise me. I still, to this day, wanted to ad-lib some more lines but Rob told me "We need the humiliation to feel obvious not insulting. Try toning down the outdated slang a bit".
Brad: In either case, this worked out just fine. I mean, have any of you (points to the camera, and to a lesser extent, the audience) made an introduction this corny.
Brit: Yes, that sounds very dope. But our study group is all full up. Right, Tiff?
Tiff: Yeah, that's right, Brit. Totally full up.
Brit: But, we'll call you the minute we get an opening.
TV Jenny: Okay, I'll wait for your call homegirls!
Brit: We must remember to call her.
Tiff: When we have room for a full metal loser.
Lenny: I do not need to mention how much we, the staff, hate these bitches so much!
Tuck: Um, Lenny, language! There are children present.
Lenny: Sorry. Forgot about Candi.
TV Brad: Jenny, you don't need to suck up to Brit and Tiff to be popular. Just lighten up! Be yourself!
TV Jenny: Be myself? But I want to fit in!
Eartha: Mom, you're raising a family and already a 5 star actress with your name in the walk of fame, there's no need to "fit in".
Jenny: Thanks, Eartha. That really helps me.
Lenny: Where was that during production?
Eartha: Inside my mother's uterus. You felt me, remember?
[Lenny, staying silent, plays the episode as to ignore the obvious conversation]
Monroe: I don't get it.
Lenny: It's complicated.
Kim: It can't be that bad.
Zamantha: Take my word for it, that baby shower was an unforgettable moment.
TV Brad: Uh, if you really want to fit in, next time, try unlocking your locker. But hey, don't stress out about it. I'm sure the rest of your day will be smooth sailing.
[The cast watch the part where XJ9 mistakes a speaker system for a robot and get to the part where what's his name makes his introduction]
NE Rizinski: My microphone please. Here is the cafeteria, Ms XJ9. Here is where I want you to spend your lunch hour. What I do not want are any more of your little broadcasts, are we clear, freshman?
[The entire cast pauses the screen as they seethe in anger towards Mister Rizinski appearance. Eventually, Lenny speaks]
Lenny: Everybody. This is one of our network executives, Vice Principal Rizinski. The most hated man in the entire part of our productionary lives! He would make extreme changes to the script and improvise certain lines in our script that never makes sense on screen and aggravates the heck outta me and my exhaustive amount of heart medications!
Zamantha: I still remember the day where he would barge in the writer's room, throw away the finished script and yell at the nearest screenwriter: "You're STUPID!".
[They play the episode and then we see XJ9 in the cafeteria]
Brit: Cheer up Jenny. That Rizinsky's nothing more than a glorified hall monitor.
Tiff: We thought your broadcast was pure hilarity.
Jenny: Does that mean I can sit with you guys?
[The two discuss in secret and Brit snaps her fingers to bring a bunch of fake simps crowd her and Tiff]
Brit: It seems like we just ran out of room. But no worries, darling, we'll call you as soon as there's a free seat.
TV Jenny: Oh, ok. I'll wait for your call.
Eartha: MOM! They're just faking it. They'll never let you in their fake group of simps.
TV Brad: Hey, Jen. So, how's your plan for popularity working out?
TV Jenny: See, for yourself?
TV Brad: Jenny, you got to let people get to know you. You know, open up. Let people see what you got going on the inside.
Eartha: Why do I get the feeling that she's going to take it literally?
Lenny: See for yourself.
TV Jenny: Oh, open up. I get it.
[XJ9 reveals to the entire student body her mechanics and they immediately gaze in awe. The cousins are baffled]
Brit: How dare that sheet metal twit try to steal our spotlight?
Tiff: What if she actually becomes popular?
Lenny: Then Tremorton High would be a wonderful place!
[The network executive enters, angrily]
Brit: This problem may just take care of itself.
NE Rizinsky: Ms XJ9, could you join us down here on planet Earth for a moment please? Do you realize you could get expelled for bringing weapons to school?
[Lenny pauses, takes a deep breath, and addresses the scene]
Lenny: All I wrote for that bloated bigwig was one line. That line was "Miss XJ9, can you please not show your exposed wires in school. We can't have an electrocuted student on their first day". And then Jenny would respond that she has no exposed wires and try to correct the misunderstanding. The problem was Risinsky taking my script, tearing it up in pieces . . .
Zamantha: Pushing me off my seat, rewriting the entire scene with a lot of "correct lines", while insulting our writers for "making him soft" . . .
Kim: And the worst part, making an episode so horrendous, that even with Rob's ending being a hail mary, it was too repugnant for the majority of the staff to accept it.
Candi: Yeesh, and I thought my school's play was troubling, but that's nightmarish!
Jenny: And that's one of the reasons why I want to raise my kids, like you Candi, normally.
[Lenny skips a few scenes until they reach the science class scene]
Jeanine: Ahh, we reach the part where we have the professor. Who was his actor again?
[None of the staff remember]
Lenny: Umm, I wanna say Trevor.
George: No! It was Dayved.
Zamantha: It wasn't exotic sounding but it wasn't too generic.
Kim: I want to say Ulno, but I think that was somebody else.
Monroe: I think he's one of those generic actors from a union. We'll call him Hurk.
Professor: Good afternoon, class. Welcome to chemistry 101. Let's begin our first experiment, shall we? First, we'll expose the chemicals to life-giving flame!
[Nothing happen]
Professor: Uh, life-giving flame!
[Nothing happens and Eartha pauses the episode due to stifled laughter]
Eartha: (giggling) This is a chemistry lab. Um, Blum's bunsen burner needs no gas to light up. He uses the same technology of an electric stove with the beaker heating up rather quickly. I betcha his supply closet doesn't have periodic materials in advance. Also, those beakers are so 18th century. Blum would be laughing at this scene if he were here.
[Lenny plays the episode]
Professor: Well, students, the bunsen burner is broken, so we'll just take a quick exam essay instead.
[Brit raises her hand]
Brit: Mr. Pigott
Professor: Yes, Brittany
Brit: It seems a terrible shame not to have any chemistry in chemistry 101. I'm sure Jenny has a cool laser or something to help you heat up your beaker.
Professor: Is this true, Ms XJ9.
TV Jenny: I suppose.
Professor: This laser. This is from your own home laboratory.
TV Jenny: Well, sort of.
Professor: But you can't maintain a constant 1200 degrees Kelvin, can you?
TV Jenny: Who says I can't?
[Suddenly, the screen pauses for a bit for Eartha to turn to the camera]
Eartha: Okay! Anyone who watched this part and isn't familiar with the context, here's my interpretation!
[Eartha rewinds the part and, along with Lenny, "abridges" the scene in understandable words]
Professor/Lenny: Is this true, Jenny?
TV Jenny/Eartha: Yes. The rumors are true.
Professor/Lenny: So, you have a laser that was mentioned a few minutes ago that later can heat things up.
TV Jenny/Eartha: Yes. A really advanced laser that can reach temperatures of super high heat.
Professor/Lenny: A very dangerous laser that, if used incorrectly, can burn the school and potentially harm the student body?
TV Jenny/Eartha: No shit, my n-word.
Professor/Lenny: Alright, shoot it mofo! Let me collect my dead peasant's insurance.
[The cast and staff are caught off guard by those statements]
Monroe: Dead peasant's insurance? I doubt the school would insure any of the kids attending.
Lenny: People do stupid things when money is involved.
[The scene shows Jenny aiming her laser at the beaker and the class is in awe. The cousins are angered until Lenny pauses the video and, along with Eartha, abridge Brit and Tiff's dialogue]
Brit/Eartha: Oh, no. We made Eartha's mom, a talented actress who never needed a rehearsal to begin with, super cool. Oh, what should we do?
Tiff/Lenny: Oh, I know. I'll pull something out my ass! This hair clip will dislodge her laser for no realistically explored reason.
[The clip hits the laser and immediately causes chaos]
Professor: MY BEAKER! MY LAB! MY HAIR!
Lenny: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. The lab is in trouble and now, pause.
[Lenny pauses and abridges the scene]
Brit/Lenny: Our plan has succeeded!
Tiff/Eartha: Mwah, hahaha!
Brit/Lenny: Soon, we shall have control over this school even if it kills us!
[Suddenly, the fires almost hurt them]
Brit/Lenny: Oh, no! The fire almost hurt us. We're doomed!
Tiff/Eartha: This is all your fault, you dumb loser!
[XJ9 enters the scene]
XJ9/Pteresa: Aha! I've found you!
Brit/Lenny: Please help us. We're so stupid!
Tiff/Eartha: She's stupid. I'm dumb!
XJ9/Pteresa: Okay! I'll help. But after this, you better start treating me right, can the bullying, and stop bribing the school to hate me!
Both cousins: Okay!
[We see the outside and immediately TV Brad mourns the loss]
TV Brad: Oh, no. She was so young. She was going to do great things. She was going to transform into our homecoming float!
Tuck: Wow. And I thought I had the hammy lines. That must've been embarrassing.
Brad: Bro, I'm a teen actor. We're allowed to behave idiotic.
[Suddenly, TV Jenny exits the school with the dumbasses in tow]
TV Brad: Jenny, you're a hero!
[The screen pauses before Lenny hits the forward button to skip the remainder of the episode]
Lenny: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Blah. Blah. Blah. (sarcastic) I'm Rizinsky! I'm going to blame the robot girl for destroying the school since I ignored the two bullies with the wherewithal to sabotage her chances to fit in. I'm going to send her to the cops since that's the appropriate thing to do in a situation like this and not influence others into thinking that this type of behavior is normal. I also like to destroy the hopes and dreams of potential writers by shaming them for making him a wimp. Also, have the two bullies gain a reason to harm a robot/LGBT person due to a misunderstanding and not learn anything! What a lesson to teach the children.
[Lenny stops and plays at the very end]
Eartha/Jenny: Ok, my mom/sister will wait until you make bail! Dopes.
TV Jenny: You were right. All I had to do was be myself. Now I'm in with the "in" crowd. I can't wait for the rest of the year.
Eartha: Yeah! Go Mom!
Candi: Yay! Mommy!
Lenny: Well, that episode was a scorcher. But we have more to talk, next time!
Zamantha: On this thing!
Jenny/Jeanine: That we are talking!
End of Chapter 2