Chapter 26 : Moonlit

I wanted to go home.

To the east.

Just to the east.

I kept walking with that thought in mind.

I had heard rumors on the wind that my hometown had been destroyed.

But I kept walking toward the east.

"Do whatever you want after that,"

he said, following his last command.

I wanted to go home.

To my hometown, where my family sleeps.

Over the city. Over the mountains. Over the grasslands.

I didn't eat or rest, I just kept walking.

And then, deep in the forest, where even the animals don't come near and where the sunlight doesn't reach, I collapsed.

It was nothing. I just tripped over the roots of a protruding tree.

But I didn't have the strength to get up again. I

wanted to go home. I

just wanted to go back and apologize to my father and brother's graves, saying just one word: "I'm sorry."

Warm drops wet my cheeks as I lay motionless.

I didn't know what "it"

was. No, I should have known. In truth.

I just couldn't remember because I hadn't felt that sensation for so long.

"Those tears" were something I hadn't shed even once in the dozen years since I was kidnapped at the age of 14.

But before that, I was sure I had shed "those tears" a lot.

In the deep dark forest.

In the silence with no one watching over me.

Before I even remembered that "those" were tears.

I was never even cared for by a beast.

The curtain quietly fell on my short life.

When the others had gone to bed, I sat cross-legged on the veranda and looked up at the moon.

Place your left hand over the waning crescent moon and repeatedly open and close it.

Magic is an amazing thing.

Just an hour ago, this arm was supposed to be broken.

It's completely back to normal now, and you can't even see its shadow anymore.

After the battle with Rider, Saber collapses.

The identity of the Rider was never revealed, but his Noble Phantasm was the mythical beast Pegasus (or more precisely, the reins that controlled it). The cavalryman was a Pegasus Knight.

In fantasy simulation games, flying units have high mobility but many weak points, making them easy targets. However, in real life, being able to fly seems to be an overwhelming advantage.

In fact, Saber was powerless against the Rider on Pegasus, and was forced to use her trump card, the Holy Sword.

The holy sword is a powerful treasure. I couldn't see it directly because I was hiding from Berserker, but even though I can't use magic, I could feel a strange pressure through the wall.

According to Tohsaka, it had enough power to wipe out an entire city. Is that really a sword? The Capricorn Gold Saint's sword was a bit more sword-like, wasn't it?

Naturally, the cost was correspondingly enormous, and it seems that Saber consumed too much magical power and came close to disappearing.

Somehow, Saber managed to retain her existence, but the problem was what happened afterwards, as she was unable to recover due to not receiving any magical power from the Command Spells. Apparently this was due to an accident during summoning, but the rate of accidents is really too high. Maybe the Holy Grail is a rather unreliable thing.

The situation has now calmed down, as Medea has used the jewel she borrowed from Tohsaka to share her magical powers. Even Tohsaka was stunned, as it was a type of magic she had never heard of.

However, he is far from fully recovered, and unless some fundamental solution is taken, the same thing will happen again. We are currently searching for a solution.

Bathed in the moonlight shining from the cloudless night sky, my body suddenly felt a shiver run through me.

He remembered Berserker's giant blade approaching him.

The effect is weakening faster than last time. I'll have to get it called again.

It may have been because he hadn't been fully prepared, but I'm sure the fact that it was visible, unlike Saber's sword, was also a major factor. It seems that when the mental burden is great, it cracks faster.

When I was participating in the Holy Grail War and heading to a scene where I expected combat, I had Medea cast another spell on me in addition to strengthening my body: hypnotic suggestion.

This forces the mind to remain in a neutral state. In this state, you can always stay calm and ignore the pain. But since you are ignoring it, it is essentially the same as enduring it.

Thanks to that, I wasn't cowering in fear or becoming confused, but I guess it was still putting a strain on me somewhere. I hadn't been able to sleep at all yesterday or today.

I'm doing this in an attempt to calm my mind, but since I can't even feel fear in the first place, I don't know if it's working.

I guess I'd been watching the moon for about an hour.

"What are you doing?"

That's what I was called out to.

When I turned around, the knight in the red cloak was standing right next to me.

Red Knight, Archer.

Honestly, I didn't like this guy.

Of course, we don't know what it is, but more than that, there's something about it that makes us feel uneasy.

Emiya has that kind of personality, and Saber and Tohsaka, even though they may say harsh things, are fundamentally kind-hearted. No matter what the process, once they've made them recognize them as family, they're unlikely to betray them.

But Archer is an exception. He is probably the type of person who can completely separate emotion from action. If he judges me to be a nuisance to Tohsaka, he will slash at me mercilessly.

I was wary of Archer next to the media. Now I realize that family members are the least trustworthy.

"Look at the moon. You'll understand if you look."

I answered Archer's question briefly. Then Archer looked surprised. What do you mean? I don't look good watching the moon.

"...It doesn't suit me."

That's what he said, this bastard.

"...You guys (handsome guys) may spit, snort, and shout that you can't believe it, but even loners have feelings that think the moon is beautiful..."

"...Is that also an anime?"

"No, manga."

I will always be a big fan of Professor Mikawa.

Surprisingly, Archer occasionally responds to anime topics. That is to say, he only occasionally responds to topics about super-famous, so-called nationally popular works like Doraemon and Sazae-san.

Archer may be a hero born in a relatively modern era. It seems that the Holy Grail can interfere with any era, so it's entirely possible that he's a hero from the future. Well, if that's the case, there's no point in assuming it, because there's no way we'll ever know his true identity, no matter how much we think about it.

"So? What do you want?"

As mentioned above, Archer is a man to be vigilant with. On the other hand, when he is on guard as an ally, he can be very trustworthy.

So there was probably no sign of an attack happening at this very moment, but still, since Archer had taken the trouble to abandon his guard duties and stay here, I had to assume that he had some business with me.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

"Thank you?"

Has he done anything to make him thank you?

"It seems you helped Rider's master."

"...Well, in the end, that was the end of it. So why should I have to thank you?"

"Even though he was that kind of man, he was still my master's classmate. I couldn't help but be upset if he was killed."

"...I don't think Tohsaka is the type of person who would lose her composure over something like that."

"Even so, she's still an impressionable girl at that age. There's no way she wouldn't feel something. No matter how good she is at suppressing her feelings."

...Now that you mention it, I guess that makes sense. Maybe I'm just numb to a lot of things because there are so many characters around me who are inappropriate for my age.

"Oh, well, I understand. It was just a coincidence that I ended up helping you, so you don't need to think about owing me anything."

I thought maybe I was being a bit self-conscious about the debt, but I answered and went back to watching the moon. However, Archer didn't go back to watch, and stayed behind. I had no choice but to call out to him.

"...What is it? Is there anything else?"

"...Why did you help Rider's Master?"

"a?"

What is he suddenly saying?

"If you had just stayed quiet and hid, Berserker would have been able to get away with it. Why did you go out of your way to put yourself in danger?"

"...I told you before. It just happened."

"That doll you used to escape. Is that the insurance you mentioned when we fought? It may look plain at first glance, but it uses incredibly high-level magic. Even a Caster like you wouldn't be able to prepare that many. What was the point in saving us by consuming such a trump card?"

"That's why I said it was a natural course of events. If someone was dying in front of your eyes and you could do something about it, you'd help them, that's common sense."

"However, the subject is a man who tried to drag many unrelated people into his crime for his own convenience. If you help him, he might do the same thing again. If that happens, the price of saving one life will be the loss of many. So wouldn't what you did be wrong?"

What a pain. Do all heroes think about things like that while fighting?

"When you have to act on impulse, do you really have to think about such things? What's wrong with making a mistake anyway?"

Archer looked taken aback by those words.

"...Is it okay if I make a mistake?"

"It doesn't really matter. All a person can do is continue to make the choices they think are right at the time, but they won't know if those choices were really right until later."

Archer looked thoughtful at what I said and spoke again.

"But if it fails, won't you regret it?"

"Is it possible to live a life without regrets? And when do you think regrets arise in the first place?"

"That's when I made a fatal mistake."

Archer answered right away. Well, that's what most people would think. But I denied it.

"No. It's when you make a choice. Because regret is when you linger over possibilities that weren't chosen."

"Hmm...?"

"So the moment you make a choice, regret is bound to arise. Success or failure depends on the size of that regret. People who can live without regret are either scum who don't question their choices, or trash who don't make any choices at all."

"...I see. That makes sense."

Archer nodded and spoke again.

"So how much do you regret the current situation?"

"... Sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm asking why you didn't use that last command spell."

My heart thumped.

"...There was no situation where I had to use it."

"Don't play dumb. If you had used your last command spell you would have accomplished your goal a long time ago. Don't tell me you didn't think of it."

Ah, I see. That's what happened. So that's why you distrusted me.

And at the same time, I realized that if I can come up with it, someone else can too.

"But that path has now been cut short. If your purpose was truly as stated yesterday, then today's actions should have been impossible. Answer me, what exactly are you plotting?"

Well, what should I do?

To be honest, Archer's concerns are completely off the mark, but I don't have the words to convince him.

I think and think and form words.

"...For example, let's say a deadly epidemic breaks out in a certain town. Of course it's going to be fatal, right?"

"...What's this all of a sudden? Are you trying to cover it up?"

"Well, listen. In that situation, if you could save everyone in town by using the heart of one woman as medicine, what would you do?"

"Kill her and rip out her heart."

"...I didn't expect you to answer that straight away."

"We can't weigh the lives of all the town's residents against the life of one woman. There's no room for hesitation."

"Well, that's true, but let's go a little further... Oh well. In any case, killing the woman is the right thing to do. There's no doubt about that. But that doesn't mean you want to kill her, right?"

"...That's true. After all, I simply compared the two options and chose the one with the least sacrifices."

"Right? Even that woman would help if she could, right?"

"That's true, but... does that question have anything to do with your actions?"

"...Sorry. Thinking about it, maybe it wasn't that important."

Archer sighed, releasing the tension.

"...In other words, you yourself don't really understand it, do you?"

"bad……"

"That's fine. At least we know that you didn't approach us with petty malice."

Huh? Why like that?

Archer turned away as if that was the end of the conversation.

"May I just give you a word of warning. Your emotions are fake."

And then, as he turned around, he said those words.

"That may appear to an outsider as kindness. However, its true nature is rooted in much more hideous emotions. Above all, the other party is a Servant. A fleeting dream born from the Holy Grail. No matter how much they behave like a human, in the end they are nothing more than a fake."

"..."

I understand what Archer is saying. I know my feelings are wrong. I know the other person isn't human. But...

"...The real thing, or a fake that's just as good as the real thing. Which do you think is more valuable?"

I asked Archer as he was about to leave.

Archer turned his head and answered dutifully, though he had a puzzled look on his face.

"Of course, it's the real thing."

"That's what most people would think. But if a fake has made the effort to stand up to the real thing, then it must be worth more than the real thing. My source is Kaiki Deishu."

"Kaiki... who is that?"

"Light Novel Characters"

It must have been a big surprise to him, because when Archer heard it, his eyes widened and he stiffened, then he bowed his head and began to tremble. And the next moment he was laughing.

"Ha, hahahaha! So this is the perfect timing for a light novel! You're so consistent!"

Yes. It feels good to receive.

"Hehe, hehe. I'm not the type of person who cares about the authenticity of things, but I never thought the day would come where a fake would be considered more valuable."

"Light novels aren't so bad after all, are they?"

"Yes, indeed. I'll read it next time I have the chance. Any recommendations?"

"Everyone has different tastes, so it's hard to say which one is best... but anyway, Kaiki is a character from the Bakemonogatari series."

"I'll remember that. The fake one is more valuable, huh? That was unexpected. This was a meaningful conversation. I feel like I can forgive myself for my past, even if just a little."

His past self, huh? Of course, heroes have a lot to carry on their shoulders.

Archer finally turns away. It looks like the meeting is over.

"I know this is a little token of gratitude, but just once, I will promise you that I will prioritize your safety over Master's orders. So don't be so scared, and rest in peace for a while."

With those final words he disappears.

It seemed he could see that I wasn't sleeping.

After Archer left, I continued gazing at the moon.

My goal is my own safety.

The best way to secure this within the Holy Grail War is to retire.

However, if you lose in a normal fight, there is a high chance that you will be killed, and a cautious Master may target even a dropped Master. There are several conditions to retire safely.

In truth, it was possible for him to fulfill all of those conditions and withdraw from the Holy Grail War. He had thought of how to do it the day after he obtained the Command Spells. The reason he didn't carry it out was--

Ever since summoning Medea, he has had a strange dream every night. He hasn't been able to sleep for the past two days, but he's sure he'll have the dream again if he sleeps.

It is the memory of a woman who was called a witch.

This is the story of a princess whose life was destroyed when she was still young, even childish, and who lost her life without receiving any compensation.

I know. This is pity. Cheap sympathy. And it's not kindness at all. I know that.

Pity and sympathy may seem like kindness at first glance, but in reality they are arrogant emotions that look down on others. For those who know this, it is a great humiliation to be the target of such feelings. I know this from experience. I'm sure the media knows it too.

So this is something that I must never say out loud. If I did say it, I wouldn't be able to maintain the relationship we have now, which is barely holding up. But still.

"...I guess there's no other way. After seeing something like that."

A tweet filled with a lot of doubt.

The only one who heard that murmur was the moon, emitting a pale blue light.

Naturally, the moon gave no reply.