Jamie p.o.v.
I turn around quickly, almost expecting Claire to stand there. There's no one behind me, but that voice… Claire… It sounded as if she was standing right behind me. The others must have been watching me, because Jenny comes running up the hill.
"Jamie! What happened?" Jenny asks as soon as she sees my face. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I… I heard her voice. She said she loves me. I heard is clear as day."
Jenny looks at me questionably. She must think I'm going mad. Maybe I am, I don't know what's real anymore. My shoulders drop and I feel deflated. What was I thinking? Did I really think that it would be possible that Claire and I would be at the stones together at the same time, and that I would be able to hear her? Right now, Claire is probably at work, or with Frank and our child. It was stupid of me to get my hopes up.
Jenny looks at me with a sympathetic smile. She puts her hand on my back. "Claire does love you very much, I'm a hundred percent sure she still does. But she's not here Jamie."
I nod and take one more look at the stone in the center of the circle. Then Jenny and I walk back to Ian and Murtagh who are still waiting by the horses. We've been here longer than I thought, and it will be dark in about three hours. We won't make it back to Lallybroch before that, so we decide to ride to the closest village about half an hour away and see if we can find a place to sleep there.
We find a small place pretty fast and get two rooms. I'm sharing a room with Murtagh of course. Luckily there are two separate beds. Dinner is brought up to our rooms and I finish it quickly. It has been a long day, and I don't really feel like talking to anyone anymore, so I decide to go to bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow I'm asleep.
Claire p.o.v.
I'm still crying when I enter Mrs. Baird her bed and breakfast, and the truth is I really don't care if anyone might see it, I just want to get to bed. Mrs. Baird is standing at the reception talking to another woman. They both look up when I enter. "Claire." It's only then that I recognize the second woman who just said my name, Mrs. Graham. She's standing in front of me and is holding my hand before it really registers.
"You went to Craigh na Dun, didn't you? Poor lass." She reaches up to my face and wipes away a few tears. "Come with me." She motions for me to follow her and we sit down in a little private seating area. Mrs. Baird brings us each a cup of tea and then leaves, closing the door behind her.
"How have you been?" I ask Mrs. Graham. It feels like a silly question to ask, but my head is all over the place at the moment.
"I have been good dear." She puts her hand on my hand. "But I'm not here to talk about me. When I heard you were in town this morning, and that you were here alone, I knew I had to come see you. When you were not here I knew you went to Craigh na Dun, but Mrs. Baird said you're staying for a few days, so I decided to wait until you came back. I really hope you don't mind, but I thought maybe you'd need someone to talk to."
"Thank you Mrs. Graham. It sure has been a day." I try to smile at her, but tears start brimming in my eyes again.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mrs. Graham asks.
A part of me wants to say no immediately, but my heart says I need to talk about everything, and Mrs. Graham is the only one here that I can talk to about this. So, I nod.
"I did go to the stones today. I thought I was going to say goodbye to… to Jamie… one last time, but I couldn't do it. A part of me wanted to run and touch the stone, but he's not there anymore. He's gone, died at Culloden. He's gone… and I'm left here. I've put this feeling away for so long, but I can't anymore. I just miss him so much. It's like I can't breathe." I sob and feel myself starting to hyperventilate.
Mrs. Graham strokes her hand over my back and manages to calm me down a little bit.
"Oh, you poor lass. I can't stand seeing you in so much pain. Did you indeed come here alone then? Frank is not with you? Or your child?" She asks.
My heart stings as she asks me that question. "I did come here alone. Frank and I weren't the same after I came back… and… and after I had a miscarriage… We just didn't talk anymore. I focused on work a lot. But then yesterday it was exactly five years ago, and I just realized I was stuck. Frank and I were no more than roommates… so I packed my bags and came here. Crazy I know, and I don't really know what I was expecting. I thought maybe if I said goodbye to Jamie, I would be able to start over, to move on. But there's no moving on from love like the love we had, and I will never be able to say goodbye to him."
I talk with Mrs. Graham for a bit more when she asks me a question that scares me a bit. "What is keeping you here in this time?"
I look at her, confused by her question.
"I mean if I'm hearing correctly, all that you have left in this time is yourself and the memories of another time. But in Jamie's time, although he might not be there anymore, you still have a sister in law and her husband and kids. You still have family in that time Claire. I don't mean to be rude, but what are you still doing here? You deserve to be loved, let Jamie's family love you Claire. You don't have to be alone."
Her words feel like a punch to the gut, but I know she's right. All those years I didn't even let it be an option to go back. To go back to Lallybroch. To Jenny and Ian. But she's right, I have nothing left here. If I went back… would Jenny and Ian take me in? Would they believe me if I tell them what happened? The idea of it scares me, but I have nothing to lose right?