The new reality is… surreal.
There is a baby growing in his wife's stomach. A baby. A being he is going to have to assist in growing up. Nurture it. Teach it manners and values. Good and… Well, from him mostly, bad.
The only solace in this situation is that this night, she is sleeping soundly. No tears streaking her cheeks anymore.
Alastor is not sleeping though. He is looking at her, pondering if he had made the right decision. In that split moment, that one second of seeing the torment stricken on her face, he had thrown everything out of the window. For her he would truly do anything. Even this…
His eyes move down. Her hand rests on her stomach. Can she feel it already? Impossible. It is still too small to move or be… vital. Still, she connects with the child. Reaching out a gentle hand already. One might call it motherly instinct. But he knows better. It is the urge, the need, to protect it. Well, he suppose that is part of a mother's instinct as well. Will he experience it too? The need to protect this creature. This being that is just as much his as it is hers?
Slowly he reaches out and lays his own hand on her stomach as well. Nothing, as expected…. Slowly, he moves to hold her hand instead.
If he can't take care of a baby, he for certain will take care of his wife.
When Cattaleya wakes up, the bed is empty, but the scents wafting into their bedroom tells her she is not alone. She stretches her limbs above her before getting out of bed to greet her husband good morning. To her surprise, the table is filled with all sorts of foods. From strange looking cookies, to smoothies, to what looks like full meals.
"Darin, what are you doing?" She asks with a slight confused frown as she approaches.
"Hmm? Oh, good morning my sweet Dove." He says before putting the cook book he had been holding down and walks to her. To her surprise, as he kisses her good morning, he lays his hand on her stomach. At first, her muscles tense, wanting to recoil and jump back in the primal need to be cautious. But once she notices his warm tender smile, she relaxes. "How is your nausea? You did mention the mornings being the worst moment of the day to be experiencing it?"
"It is manageable. Though sometimes I am in for a belated surprise." He kisses her forehead, seeming satisfied with her answer before pulling her to take a seat.
"Is this all…. breakfast?"
"Oh no, my dear. This is just all try outs for later moments." When he picks up the book again, she sees what exactly it is.
"Pregnancy diets?"
His proud smug grin grows, oh so happy she finally notices. "Why yes! Surely you had been expecting nothing less from me. Catering to your needs and desires are my top priority. And as you have decided to put your body through such a horrendous journey with a baby literally sucking nutrients out of you for its own growth, it is my job to keep your body well fed with the right substances. Each period of your pregnancy requires its own plan so I better start preparing now!"
It touches her. Touches her so much that he is already stepping up in his own way. Her health is his priority surely but this is also a form of taking care of their child. Even if he does not seem to view it that way. She puts her hand on her heart and gives him the most grateful smile. Ancestors she feels like crying. Again. "I am so blessed with such a considerate husband."
"Aren't you though! Now here." Suddenly, he puts a glass in front of her and her smile is smacked off. It is green. And not her matcha tea green. This is GREEN. "Drink up!"
"This will make me throw up." She sniffs it and her nose pulls up. "What is in it?"
"All the nutrients you and the baby need. Do not worry, I read that this is actually very helpful to soothe nausea. Even if it tastes not as ideal as one would want. But everything for the health and growth of our child right?"
She could not miss his sadistic grin even if she tried. She chuckles as she shakes her head. "Of course you find a way to torment me in the little ways you can."
"Well, you have efficiently pulled me down a path that might become my torment for a long eternity. So I took the liberty of tormenting you first! Can't blame a man for retaliating in the ways he can when his woman is so keen in her demanding and situation controlling manners." He lovingly boops her nose, his words all in good jest.
Which she recognizes. "Very well. I'll indulge you in this. But do know-" She takes the glass. "- if I throw up, it shall be on your shoes. 9 months long." And with that she takes a big gulp. It tastes… Not good but not that bad either. It's even slightly sweet but not too much. She can't place the tastes but it is quite the mix of fruits and vegetables she thinks.
When her expression mellows down in surprise it is actually not a poison tasting concoction, his own smile softens as well. As if he would let her drink something disgusting. "It won't fill your stomach but enough to last an hour and then the drink would have your stomach soothed enough for a regular breakfast." He says before kissing the top of her head and getting back to his self given work.
And indeed, as he told her, one hour later her stomach was kind and rested and ready for a good decent meal.
Even if priorities had quite changed to a different focus the last turmoil lent days, Cattaleya had not forgotten about her previous encounter with a certain resident. So once again, she stands at Angeldust's door and knocks. This time, there is no snappy curt greeting. Instead, his eyes widen and he looks quite uncomfortable.
"H-hey Feathers! Good to be seeing you back and such. How are you-" He rubs the back of his neck. "- doing?" His question ends with a grimace and a high pitch as if questioning if he should even be asking the question.
"Angel, I am pregnant, not terminal."
"Is there a difference though?"
Cattaleya does not blame him for… Being skeptical about the whole situation. She understands. "I do hope so otherwise I don't think I can be revived to Hell twice." Her matter of fact blunt form of a joke has its effect, it cracks Angel up long enough to let out the nerves in the form of a laugh. She smiles softly at him. "I know the situation is more than just strange. We are still adjusting to it as well. But in time it will become… Somewhat normal I suppose."
"We are going to have a little Alastor running around and gnawing at our ankles. Ain't nothing normal about that."
Cattaleya giggles in delight, her eyes lighting up at the lovely image it paints. "Oh I do hope so. But I am not here to talk about my situation."
Angel folds his arms and leans against the door, not looking her way anymore. "Figured that much…" He seems to hesitate, which is more of an opening than the last time they spoke.
"Please, Angel? I want to help my friend."
The right words. He lets her in. They sit down on his bed. "You know… It is alright to be afraid of the unknown."
"No honeying of words do ya." Angel says with a sighs as he pulls up his legs and hugs them. "But I shouldn't be afraid, right? This is a chance to get to Heaven! The place where it all supposed to be better and safe and good life. Well, what if it is not all good? What if I can't stay good? Stay redeemed? Will they just throw me back to end up again in this shit hole but then be a failure? I am already a failure enough, am I not?"
"I do not think you are." Cattaleya says honestly. "You have worked so hard. We have seen such good progress in you. You have become kind and selfless. You think before you act. You can make good decisions. And you have become a good friend and family member." His arms tighten around himself. "You know I do not lie. even Azraël agrees you should have the first shot to go to Heaven. And you should know that there is an option that you just do not go."
Angel's eyes narrow. "First you say that I am improving and then you say I am not going to heaven? Which one is it Feathers?"
"That is not what I meant. You can be approved for redemption and decide yourself that you want to stay here." When it dawns, his eyes widen. "The deal with Sera was not that sinners should go to Heaven. The deal is that we show them that souls can be redeemed for the extermination not to happen again. So if we show that you can be redeemed, you can decide where you want to be. Just like I choose to be here. Because you know-" she smiles as she takes a hold of his hand. "- even if this place is the gathering of everything that is bad, I feel safe here. Because my family is here. My friends are here. There is nothing wrong with wanting to hold on to something you have found. Not even if it is in Hell."
Angel laughs slightly as he shakes his head. "Shits, why the fuck are you so annoyingly perceptive."
"I have to be when people around me try to hide their true emotions and intentions." She answers with a lopsided grin. "Think about my words. Think about what you want to do. But know this, it would be a shame to lose all the progress you made. I like this Angeldust quite a bit."
"If I do decide to stay, there is still Val…"
"Let me deal with that hurdle once it comes."
With a hug, they end their conversation, the path to light clear again.
On evenings like this, when the day was long and work tedious, they always enjoy cozying up under a blanket and reading a book while jazz plays in the background. When she opens her medieval novel, to her utter surprise, Alastor opens a book about the terms of pregnancy.
"Where did you even find that?" The happiness in her voice does not go unnoticed as she snuggles closer against him, his arm firmly around her waist.
"I have my ways. It has become quite the important read. No demon will be able to comment on me being unprepared. And the first steps for preparation is actually understanding how a pregnancy affects your body."
He says it like it is the most obvious normal thing in the world. But she knows for him, it is not. For him it is facing the reality that will be here in nine months. And with this, reading books about pregnancies, reading cookbooks for healthy diets for pregnant women, he is trying to control the small things he can. Focussing on the process instead of anything else. A way of escapism possibly.
"Would you prefer a boy or a girl?"
His eyes widen slightly and there is a slight scratch in the music. His hand tenses around the book as well. A few short laughs before he answers. "Anything is fine."
"Hmmm… The child could have your features. With your deer ears and tail. Cute little hooves."
"Yes, that could be so." Another short reply.
"Should we go for more neutral colors for the room perhaps? I do not know if we can find out the gender before birth so that might be best?"
"Anything you think would fit, my dear."
"Alastor-" she touches his cheek and moves his face to look at her. "- I am so utterly grateful for the decision you made. You asked me to help you, guide you. Will you allow yourself to be helped? Because if you will, you do need to be open to me and honest to yourself. This-" She taps his book. "- is not going to make it any easier."
"It will allow me to take better care of you."
"Will it take care of you?" He grimaces a bit and looks to the side. "Darin, you don't need to know how my hormones will change coming months. Or how the lung growth of the child will be in the third trimester. And even if I do appreciate the green anti nausea goo, you do not need to know every little thing about healthy nutrients. You do not need to distract yourself with facts to cover your feels."
His grimace softens as he leans his forehead against hers. This woman… "It is quite easier though to bury my nose into such books and cater to your needs." He mumbles softly, his voice unfiltered.
"I understand. Though my needs are not as important as the child's needs."
"Completely disagree."
"I know." She nuzzles her nose against his to show him it is alright. "Perhaps you do not agree, but it is something we need to focus on together. And what this child needs right now, is protection, which you did-" She takes his hand and puts it on her stomach. "- and then allow yourself to accept it. Allow yourself to learn to love it. Even if you are afraid that you won't. You can't let that fear stop you from opening up. Can't let yourself believe you have no chance of becoming a good father. You already made one wonderful decision in this child's life. You'll make more."
"I did it for you…" Still his hand moves to softly caress her stomach. "How can you-..." His ears flatten a bit as creases form on his face. "- already feel so connected to this child. You seem to love it already."
"Because it is you." Her answer surprises him so much that he holds his breath. It radiates off of her as she speaks. "Because I know when this child is born I will see you in it. Everything good you have to offer. And probably the mischief as well. Both sides of you I adore so much. This child will be another piece of you I can't wait to have, hold and cherish."
For a moment, he is actually quite speechless. "That's-" he actually swallows as he pulls her closer. "- a beautiful way of seeing this." And she is right. Oh so right. The fear, the utter sheer traumas, of possibly turning into his father had overshadowed this piece of truth. That this child will, no questioning, be a piece of her. An extension of her. Of them. "My father never wanted a child. He made that quite clear in his behaviors and ways of parenting. If that is what one can call it. Though I have always had my doubts he wanted my mother to begin with. I do not believe I actually ever saw them share a loving moment except for the moments in public when everyone was watching them. Perhaps he never loved a single piece of her. And I was one of her pieces…"
She leans up and tenderly kisses his lips. "Then you for certain are nothing like your father. And as this child is half of me, we also know for certain that that half will adore and love you so so much."
Alastor kisses her firmer, sighing out through his nose. "I think…" His smile slowly grows in… Something akin to excitement. Acceptance. Tentatieve hope that is right and he will be better. Better than he thinks he can be. "I think I might prefer the child having wings. More of you to love."
Tightly, she wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. He buries his face in the crook of her neck as they stay like that for a while. One step forward.
The next day, they take another step forward. Or more like, Alastor does. In a very unexpected way.
When Cattaleya arrives back for dinner after having some meetings with Carmilla, there is no one cooking in their home. Which is… Unusual. Alastor is a being of routines and his routine is cooking around this time. Even if something has come up there would be dinner on the table for her. There is none. Which worries her.
Another unusual thing. They have another door. Next to their own room, there is another door. Huh.
She approaches the door but before she gets to touch the handle, it opens and quickly closes again. But now, Alastor is blocking the door with his body and a busted look on his face.
Also interesting, her love is only wearing a button up shirt, sleeves rolled up, and there are… Green splotches of paint on his clothes and arms.
"This is the moment you explain what you are plotting behind our apparently new door."
"Ha ha ha! Nothing extraordinary, just preparations." he says as he tries to shoo her away from the door but she merely raises an eyebrow.
"Can I be involved?"
He buttons up his blouse a bit. "Oh nothing to concern yourself with yet. I will show you once and if I am satisfied with the end result. I might change it up in the end."
A soft smile begins to creep on her face, piecing puzzle pieces together. "Alastor, are you working on a baby room?"
Now he looks dubble busted. "I might be. But it is all just trying out something I had in my head! Nothing that special in truth. And like I said, changing it is more likely to happen."
"I want to see." He pushes his lips together. "I want to see the first idea that came to your mind when imagining our child's room."
At first, he does not want to, it feels…. Vulnerable. But heck, everything with her is always vulnerable. And she has never abused it. And that gleam in her eyes… Slowly, he turns the knob to let her inside.
What she beholds takes her breath away. A lovely dark wooden crib that looks elegantly hand carved stands in the middle, a canopy of white linen around it as a gentle guardian against light. The whole room is dark but welcoming. A swamp. A Louisiana swamp. The ground painted in the dark blue hues of the water. The walls painted with trees and vines and hidden animals. The roof, ancestors the roof, a dark blue as the night with a moon and stars. There is a changing table. A soft rocking chair. A closet for the baby's clothes. Lantern light on each wall.
"Perhaps for a child it might be too frightening I mean Ha, who would want to wake up in a swamp like this. It might petrify the poor thing!" He tries to rectify, what he believes, his horrible choice of decoration for their child.
But Cattaleya feels quite the opposite. She runs her finger over the wood of the crib before looking at the walls. It is… Soothing. It is home. His home. "I love it, Alastor." She breathes out. She looks up at the roof and smiles more. "Can we make those glow?" With a snap of his fingers, the stars begin to illuminate. It takes her breath away. "You just built our child a safe home. It'll feel safe. It'll feel you in every inch of this room. Don't you dare change a thing."
That night, they stayed up talking, laying on the floor of their unborn's child room as they watch the stars their child will see each night before it falls asleep.
I do enjoy writing a sappy and emotional invested Alastor. I do feel like I need him to show teeth again but hey, that will come as well! For now, enjoy their road in pregnancy. Sweet times... For nowwwwww. Because I do like to emotionally traumatize my readers XD