Elliot kept hearing the rustling of Noah's sleeping bag as he tried to go to sleep. Elliot let him toss for an hour or so before intervening. He rolled onto his side so he was facing Noah's back. "Can't sleep?" He asked gently.

Noah's shoulders rose and fell as he sighed. He rolled over so he faced Elliot. "No. I just," he paused, "I can't turn my brain off."

Elliot nodded. "I get like that sometimes," he admitted. More often than not, actually. "Is there something on your mind?" He asked the question even though he was fairly certain of the answer. Noah did great during the day, but nighttime was different. Clem wasn't taken in the day. She was stolen in the darkness of the night.

"Yeah."

Elliot waited to see if he would elaborate, but he only heard the crickets in return.

Elliot that he would press a little. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Noah rolled onto his back and stared at the mesh canopy of the tent. "I don't know."

"You don't have to. It might make you feel better, but it's up to you." Elliot didn't want to pressure him. Noah had always been pretty open and straightforward with his feelings, especially with Elliot. He credited Olivia for teaching Noah to talk through the tough stuff even if she struggled to do so.

Noah lifted a fisted hand to his forehead and thought for a minute. "You won't tell mom? It's not something unsafe or whatever. It's just something that might hurt her feelings, and I don't want to do that."

Elliot found himself burning with curiosity. They had many conversations about Clem's murder, and he knew Noah wouldn't hesitate to talk to Liv about it. This was something different.

"As long as you are safe, I can keep it to myself." Olivia would hate it, but he knew that building trust was important, and Noah needed a space to work out whatever feeling seemed to be overwhelming him.

"Okay. It's just the last time I said something about it, I wasn't... I wasn't thinking about how she would feel about what I was saying, and I know it hurt her a lot."

Elliot only knew Noah as a kind kid, always conscientious of his words and their meaning. It was hard to imagine a situation where he would speak carelessly. Even more, Olivia was pretty tough. Things could cut her deeply, but he doubted Noah could do anything to make her truly upset.

"When I found out about Connor, I was really excited. I made a stupid comment about him being my real family, and I know that," he groaned, "it was so stupid to say. I mean, Mom is everything, you know? She's my mom, and I know that just because we aren't biologically related, it doesn't make a difference about how real our family is."

"That's right. I told your mom a long time ago that same thing. Genes don't make family. You and your mom are as much my family as my own kids. I hope you know that."

Noah nodded but kept his eyes focused on the tops of the tent poles. "I know. I do. It's just every once in a while... I don't know. I guess I feel like I'm missing something. I watch your kids, and I feel like I'm missing out on some sort of belonging or something. I don't know if that makes sense. I mean, I know I have Connor, and he is my brother, but it's not the same. It's not like we grew up together, and his life is just," he sighed, "it's so different from mine." He paused for a moment, and Elliot gave him time to find the words. "I just don't feel that belonging I thought I would have. Like your kids have."

Elliot took a minute to process the admission. He knew his kids were far from perfect. Hell, he spent half the day playing referee with Dickie and Eli, who were supposed to be grown ass adults. He didn't feel like that was something to be desired, but he thought he could understand the feeling. Olivia spent years yearning for that same sense of belonging, and she found Simon, but that relationship didn't end up as fulfilling as she hoped. He hadn't given it much thought. It had been years, and now he wondered if a part of Olivia still felt that way. An outcast. Alone. He hoped to God she didn't feel like that anymore. He hoped she found that sense of belonging and hadn't given up.

Noah waited for a response but ultimately decided to film the silence on his own. "Your kids make me feel good. They make me feel like I belong with them. Since I met all of them, they just acted like I was one of them, and that feels good. I guess I just wonder if I'm missing something. It's stupid."

"No, Noah, if it's how you feel, then it's not stupid. I'm really glad my kids have made you feel like you have a place with us because you do. You are their baby brother, and I know they will always have your back. You are one of them." He paused. "But I think I understand what you're saying, and I wish I could help you find whatever feeling you are looking for." He thought for a moment before he added, "Believe it or not, your mom has felt exactly what you're feeling…a lot. I felt the same way then as I do now. I want you to know that you are my family, and maybe that won't ever fill that hole, but I hope it softens it a little."

"It does. It really does. And maybe this is some weird teenage existential crisis. It's hard to not know where I came from. At least not really."

Elliot knew those answers. He had discussed Noah's story with Olivia at length, but he didn't feel like it was his place to provide Noah with those details. That was one hundred percent Olivia's prerogative, and he wouldn't take that from her. "I know you are worried about hurting your mom's feelings, but she can help you with this. She had a lot of these same questions, and even if it's hard for her, she doesn't want you to feel lost. She will answer whatever questions you have, at least with the information she has. You just have to ask." He mentally noted that he might need to warn her that the conversation was coming so she wouldn't feel blindsided. She could mentally prepare a little.

"Maybe I will," Noah answered noncommittally.

Silence hung in the air, and Noah's breathing evened out, so Elliot thought he had finally fallen asleep. He rolled onto his back, his mind buzzing with thoughts and worries over his youngest child. How could he help him feel that belonging he seemed so desperate for?

"Elliot?" His voice broke through the quiet.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're my family. I know I don't call you dad or anything, but I like that you are my dad."

He felt tears forming in the corners of his eye. His voice thickened with emotion when he answered. "Noah?"

"Yeah?"

He swallowed the emotional lump forming in his throat. "I'm really, really glad you are my kid."

-000-

Olivia tried not to let her mental chatter affect the evening. She was late for dinner, but Kathleen was too. She got caught up with work, which made Olivia chuckle a little. Turned out she wasn't the only workaholic.

The girls had picked a high end place with a cozy atmosphere. Olivia had never been to this particular restaurant, but Liz knew someone who did the bookings, so they were able to slide into a last minute reservation.

She had read the menu three times, but she couldn't seem to focus long enough to remember what she had just read.

He bought a ring.

Surprisingly, it didn't freak her out as much as she thought it would, but the idea still left her mind spinning. She shouldn't be surprised, and maybe she wasn't really. For Elliot marriage was a symbol of commitment, and knew they were both one hundred percent committed to the relationship. If she were honest with herself she could admit there was no one else she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The only problem, the only thing holding her back was that pesky fear of change gnawing at her stomach.

What if it changed things?

She thought about Amanda's words the previous night. What if you could be more?

The thought of marrying Elliot felt terrifying, but it also triggered another feeling she couldn't quite identify.

"Hey Liv," Liz almost shouted her name. She nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Oh sorry." She didn't really have a good excuse for spacing out, so she left the apology at that. "What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you wanted to try this appetizer, but now I'm more worried about you being okay. You've seemed out of it since we got here."

"Uh," she stammered. She wasn't going to discuss this with Elliot's daughters. For one thing, Kathleen couldn't keep a secret to save her life, and for another, they were his kids. It wasn't something she wanted to work through with his daughters. "Sorry, just distracted by the case we caught this morning."

The other girls moved on, but she could feel Lizzie's eyes on her, like she was ready to call bullshit on her explanation. Thankfully, she didn't call her out, but Olivia knew that wouldn't last for forever. She really needed to get her shit together and act normal, or this could turn into a disaster of an evening.

-000-

When Noah woke up, he immediately regretted the bottle of water he drank right before bed. He sat up, but everyone was still sound asleep. He glanced at his watch, and groaned internally. Five thirty. He laid back down and tried to go to sleep, but his bladder became insistent.

He pushed his sleeping bag down his legs in frustration. It was cold and dark, and the last thing he wanted to do was find a place to pee.

Once he realized he wouldn't be sleeping unless he relieved his bladder, he slid his boots on and grabbed his flashlight. He glanced over his shoulder when he reached for the tent zipper. Elliot, Dickie, and Eli were still fast asleep. Noah knew Elliot had a rule about making sure someone knew where you were at all times, but Noah wasn't sure that counted when everyone was sleeping and he wasn't venturing too far from camp.

Ultimately, he decided he would be so fast it wouldn't be worth waking anyone. It wasn't like he wanted to go on some crazy exploration anyway. He wanted to pee as quickly as possible and return to the warmth of his sleeping bag.

He reached for the zipper, pulling it slowly so it wouldn't make much noise. He kept his flashlight off until he had slid through the tent's opening. He silently zipped it shut, knowing if he left it open for even a couple minutes to do his business, bugs and spiders could find their way in.

Once the tent was zipped shut, he flipped his flashlight on and started down the short path to the tree line. The predawn light provided enough light to get around, but something about bringing the flashlight along made him feel safer.

He stepped into the trees, not far but a little ways away from where he had been the previous morning. He remembered the braided bracelet he found and stuck his hand in his pocket to make sure it was still there. Sure enough, his fingers found the textured leather. His eyes drifted to where he found the bracelet, and he thought about going back just to see if there was anything else left behind. There probably wouldn't be, but there was something mysterious about the simple bracelet, and part of him wanted to see if there were any clues to who it might belong to. It was a silly thing to think about, he knew that. The odds of finding its owner were slim, but Noah liked stories and puzzles, and maybe there would be more there to supplement the narrative he had created in his mind.

It would only take a moment, and it was getting lighter by the minute. He wasn't going far; he would literally be within shouting distance of camp. He probably wouldn't have time to look around until much later, and no one would know about his extra excursion anyway.

He quickly peed and flashed the flashlight in the direction of where he found the bracelet. He kept the beam low to the ground. It was getting lighter, but it was still difficult to differentiate the unevenness of the terrain.

When he reached the spot he had been the day previous, he moved his flashlight a little beyond the closest trees. The trees were pretty tight in one direction, so he swept his beam over the forest floor in the opposite direction. He didn't see anything interesting beyond some exposed tree roots. He shrugged. It was a silly thought anyway. He hadn't really believed there would be anything else interesting among the trees.

He turned to leave, but as his light swept past the thickly grown together trees, something looked out of place. He honestly couldn't see what it was, but from where he stood, it was obviously something inorganic. He glanced over his shoulder in the direction of camp. Whatever he saw couldn't be more than fifteen steps deeper into the woods. It was probably a chip bag or some other garbage, but he knew if he didn't check, then he would be thinking about it all day.

Without another thought, he moved deeper into the shadows. His heart pounded, but he reminded himself that no one else was here, and if he needed anything, he could yell, and a trio of Stablers would come to his aid. There wasn't anything to be afraid of.

Don't be a baby, he told himself. Just be brave.

He moved closer to the object. He could tell it was something white but couldn't make out much else. He ventured closer, and his stomach sank to his feet. There was no way he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. His mind had to be conjuring some fear-based hallucination because there was no way what he was seeing was real.

The white object was an athletic shoe... an athletic shoe attached to a person laying lifeless on the forest floor.

-000-