Eddie.
Dear Eddie,
I want you to know that I don't blame you for anything. If the roles had been reversed, I think I would have been angry and hurt too.
I wish I could say these things to your face instead of in a letter where you wont even have the opportunity to answer it or ask any questions you may have, but as it turns out I just don't have the courage.
Of everyone in my life, you, Eddie were the person I trusted the most, and that includes Maddie (just don't tell her that) you were the person I cared most about, so when everything happened, and you started pulling away from me I got desperate, and I made some mistakes I will regret for the rest of my life, and for that I am sorry.
I need you to understand that I am not leaving because of you, nor am I leaving because of anything you did. I am leaving because this is what I need to do, I need to be able to breathe again. And I cant do that here, at least not right now.
I need you to know Eddie, that you will always have a piece of me with you, because you have my heart, and you will probably always have it. So please keep it safe for me.
Stay safe Eddie, if not for me, then for yourself and Christopher.
I love you.
-Buck.
Christopher.
Superman.
I don't even know where to start, there is so much I want you to know, too much to put into a letter. So, i´ll start with the most important thing. This is in no way your fault, nor will it ever be your fault.
But Chris, I'm leaving Los Angeles, which means you wont be seeing me as much anymore, even though I wish it could be different. Carla has my new phone number, so if you ever need to talk to me or if you need me, tell her and she will make sure to reach me.
Superman, I need you to promise me not to be angry at your dad or blame him for anything, he loves you and he did what he believed was right for you. And ultimately that´s his job, and if I´m being honest with you Chris I would have done the exact same if I were in his shoes.
You will always be my superman, just as I will always be your Buck.
Keep swimming, always keep swimming for me.
-Your Buck.
Athena.
Thena.
I wish I had talked with you about what was going on, maybe then all of this could have been avoided, but I didn't out of respect for the relationship between you and Bobby, I didn't want to come in the middle or cause problems between you.
I hope you won't hold it against me.
I need you to know that you saved me in more ways than I will ever be able to express into words, but I want to thank you for it.
Another thing I need to thank you for is giving me a second chance after we met, for taking me in almost immediately afterwards. I will never be able to thank you enough for everything that you have done for me, but I needed to thank you for that. Because of you I now know what its like to have a mom.
I just wish I had told you that in person, but if I'm being honest with you, I'm too much of a coward to talk to you right now. Not because I'm scared of how you would react or of what you were to say, but because out of everyone, including Eddie and even Maddie, you would have been able to change my mind.
One word from you would have been enough for me to stay, but for the wrong reasons as much as that kills me to write.
As much as I would do anything to make you proud of me, I know this is what I need to do in order to survive.
I never meant for any of this to get so out of hand. I'm sorry.
I love you mom.
-Buck.
Hen.
Dear Hen.
Thank you for always believing in me, even when I didn't believe much in myself. You showed me what real strength and kindness is, and I will take that with me forever, so thank you Hen.
I hope you forgive me for leaving without a proper goodbye but do know that I never meant to hurt any of you. and I am so sorry I did. I hope one day you will forgive me.
I will always be grateful for you Henrietta.
I hope we will see each other again someday, hopefully by then, we can be a family again.
But until then, take care of yourself. Stay safe.
-Buck.
Chimney.
Chim, you are like the annoying brother I wished I never had, but cant live without.
You taught me a lot over the last few years, and I will take it with me wherever I go next, so thank you.
Please take care of Maddie for me, she is going to be angry at you for a while, even though I tried like hell to convince her you did nothing wrong, that you were just following Bobby´s example. Let her be mad, but don't let her push you away. She is happier because of you. But make no mistake Chim. You hurt my sister, and no one will be able to save you. I will come back and hand it to you. So don't hurt her.
Take care of yourself Chim. Stay safe okay, my sister needs you.
I´m sorry for leaving with just a letter, but this is what is best for me.
I hope we meet again one day.
-Buck.
Karen.
Dear Karen.
You were one of the first people I have ever met where I clicked immediately with them.
You were real and honest with me, calling me a frat boy golden retriever the first time we met. I still remember the mortification on Hen´s face when you called me that. I honestly have never laughed so much in my life then I did that day.
Since then, you were one of the few people I ran to whenever I needed someone who would give it to me straight, someone who would be brutally honest with me, regardless of my reaction, and I didn't know until recently when I didn't have that, just how much I appreciated it. So, thank you Karen.
I´m sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye, I know that is the least I owe you, but I just couldn't do it.
-Buck.
Bobby.
Dear Bobby.
I think this is my seventh try on a letter for you. Honestly, I have so much to say to you, and it´s hard putting words to some of it, but i´ll try.
One thing I need to tell you is that I am so sorry for filing the lawsuit, I cant begin to even try to explain why I did what I did, all I can really say is that in the moment, I really believed that I was doing the right thing. But I realize now that it was the worse mistake of my life.
Another thing I need to do is I need to thank you. Because of you I went from being lost and alone to being happy and knowing what the real meaning of family and friendship is.
I don't blame you for anything Bobby, that is not the reason why I decided to leave, there is a lot you don't know, and I have done everything I could to protect you with the chief, I hope it's enough.
Out of all the letters I have written, I thought the letter to Eddie would be the hardest to write, but in truth, this letter to you has been the hardest. Probably because of what you mean to me.
Because the truth is, you are more than just my captain and friend. You are my father. And that is probably also why it hurt so much when I found out it had been you who kept me from coming back to work. I will admit, I didn't handle it very well, and I hope one day you can forgive me for everything I put you and the team through.
I´ll miss you Pops. Stay safe.
-Buck.