4 weeks later.

The noise the toaster made when it popped only made Dimitri's headache worse. He'd had it for days now, although that was to be expected considering he hadn't slept properly in weeks. Not since she left, anyway.

For almost a month now, he'd struggled to fall asleep, tossing and turning in bed as he battled to clear his mind. It was no better when he did eventually slip into unconsciousness, however. His dreams were plagued with images of her - every night held a different vision, but it was always Rose in the centre of them. Most of the time she was crying, her face as heartbroken as the day he said those awful things to her, but in others she was happy – they were happy. Married. Expecting. House-hunting. Sometimes just simply in the midst of passion. It didn't matter exactly what they were doing - they were together. Sometimes those dreams hurt more than the ones in which they were apart.

The night just gone had been the worst so far, and Dimitri had woken at four AM that morning with a start, the echo of Rose's words ringing in his ears.

I've fallen in love with you, Dimitri.

With a lump in his throat, Dimitri pushed the memory to the back of his mind, resuming concentration on his breakfast. He buttered his toast and went to sit on the sofa, turning the tv on and flicking through the channels, before immediately turning it off again. No matter what he put on, he wouldn't pay attention anyway. Not while she was still on his mind.

It had been weeks, and every day was still just the same. Dream of Rose, wake up, go to work, go home, try to sleep, and repeat.

Why did he let her go?

He eyed his untouched toast, feeling nauseous. Giving up on the idea of breakfast, he walked back over to the kitchen area and dropped the toast in the bin. With a sigh, he looked at the clock on the wall, which only informed him he needed to get ready for his first class at the studio.

Brushing his teeth and having a shower helped him to feel slightly more human, but even after doing so he felt numb. Tired. As though he wasn't all there. Something was missing, clearly. And he had a feeling he knew exactly what.

Once he was ready for work, Dimitri swiftly left his apartment and walked to his car, before starting the familiar route to his studio. He had made this journey enough times over the years that he didn't need to fully concentrate on where he was going, and he let his mind wonder as he drove. As hard as he tried not to, however, the only thing he could think about was her. Always her. Rose.

It didn't help, either, that he had to drive past Petrov's on his way. Twice a day he drove past, and twice a day he wondered whether she was working, whether she was merely feet away from him.

Each day he fought the urge to pull over, to storm through the door and whisk her into his arms, telling her how sorry he was. He knew that it would only fall on deaf ears. She hadn't reached out to him once since their argument. Nothing he could say to her would make things better.

He'd been a monster to her.

Unsurprisingly, Rose had stopped going to his Friday evening yoga class. Vasilisa still attended, however, and each week Dimitri resisted the urge to speak to her, to ask her about Rose and how she was doing. For all he knew, Rose was seeing somebody else, and Dimitri would already be a distant memory to her.

He couldn't say the same for himself, though. For weeks he'd been trying to tell himself that it was for the best. That she deserved better than to be strung along in an arrangement that had no future. That he would be doing her a disservice by staying with her. That he didn't care for her in the way she thought he did. It was all bullshit. Fucking bullshit.

Even just thinking her name made his chest ache. Everywhere he looked he was reminded of her. The westerns on his bookshelf that she teased him over, his t-shirt she preferred to sleep in, the side of the bed that somehow still smelled of her no matter how many times he washed the sheets.

If he didn't care for her, why did he feel so... broken?

He thought about Rose's accusation about him being jealous. He had been furious when he saw her with that prick at the club. He told himself that it was because the guy had been forcing himself onto her, but to tell the truth he felt the same way whenever her 'friend' Adrian was mentioned. Dimitri knew that Adrian liked her, and the thought made him bristle. He didn't want to admit it, but maybe he was jealous.

Why would he be jealous if he didn't care for her?

Why would he spend night after night replaying their last interaction, desperately wishing he could take it all back? He regretted everything he said to her – she could see through the lies, but still he insisted it was all true. That it had all been a game and she didn't mean anything to him after all.

Everything he said was utter crap, but the damage had already been done.

The following day was just the same, having woken with a heavy chest from a dream of Rose screaming at him, crying in front of him, slamming the door behind her as she left him standing alone.

Despite the fact that he had managed to miraculously sleep in until nearly ten AM, he was exhausted. At least he didn't have to work today, however. He could at least spend the day trying to catch up on his sleep if he needed to.

As he did each day, Dimitri made himself a cup of coffee and some breakfast, even though he still wasn't very hungry, before slumping on the sofa. He had just forced himself to take a few bites of his toast before giving up, when there was a knock at the door.

He instantly recognised the heaviness of the knock and all but groaned when he realised who was on the other side of the door. Dimitri certainly wasn't in the mood to see him today – not that he had been for the last few weeks either!

Choosing to ignore him, Dimitri stayed silent, hoping he would simply go away, perhaps thinking Dimitri was at the studio or something. Still, the knocking continued, until eventually Dimitri heard a key turn in the lock before the door swung open to reveal the intruder.

Ivan.

"Dimitri you miserable old fucker, stop ignoring me," the blonde teased, stepping into the apartment and closing the door behind him.

Dimitri simply glared at him from where he sat on the sofa.

"When someone doesn't answer the door, it usually means 'go away', just for future reference."

Ivan rolled his eyes, shaking his jacket off and hanging it on the wall before moving further into the living area, where his best friend sat grumpily in his pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt.

"And when someone refuses to leave their house for weeks it's usually a cry for help," he retorted, the look in his eyes showing Dimitri he was serious. "Just for future reference."

"I've left the house."

"For work," Ivan shot back, opting to sit in the armchair next to the sofa. He made himself comfortable, sitting back and propping an ankle up on his knee. "You go to work, then come back here to sulk. It's not healthy."

Dimitri sighed and sat back further into the sofa, knowing he was fighting a losing battle.

"What are you doing here, Ivan?" He questioned, eager to get Ivan out of there as quickly as he could.

"I'm picking you up for lunch. We're going to your mother's."

Confused, Dimitri raised an eyebrow at his best friend. Since when was this happening?

"Come on man, I was just over there yesterday and Olena told me she hasn't heard from you for weeks," Ivan explained. "She's worried about you. And she misses you."

Dimitri's confusion only deepened at the revelation.

"Okay why are you hanging out there so much? You know I live here, right?" Dimitri questioned irritably; his brows furrowed.

When Ivan didn't say anything, instead looking away guiltily, Dimitri sat forward.

"Is it because of Sonja?" He asked. "What's going on between you two? Seriously."

"Nothing."

Dimitri eyed him suspiciously. He knew him well enough to know that he wasn't being truthful, and it was clear to him that something had happened between his best friend and his sister.

"Katya's not yours, is she?"

"No!"

"Ivan."

"Okay, maybe I do like her a little, but I promise Katya's not mine," Ivan told him, raising his palms in the air to show his innocence. "Believe me, if I knew who her dad was, I'd have already paid him a visit."

After much pushing on Ivan's end, Dimitri reluctantly showered, dressed and the pair were soon on their way to the Belikova house. It wasn't that Dimitri didn't want to see his family – far from it – it was that he didn't really want to see anybody. Why else would he have spent the last four weeks moping around his apartment?

Truthfully, Dimitri felt awful that he hadn't checked in with his Mama or his sisters for a while, considering the longest he usually went without talking to them was a day or two. But the whole situation with Rose had got under his skin quite prominently. He hadn't wanted to talk to or see anyone. Well, there was one person he wanted to see, but he doubted that she wanted to see him at all.

"Hi Mama," he greeted her with a small smile as he entered the kitchen of the Belikova house, wrapping his arms around her shoulders in a warm hug. He instantly felt better in her presence – there wasn't anything like a hug from your mother when you were feeling down.

"Dimka! We missed you," she told him, stepping back to look at her only son. When she saw his slightly unkempt appearance, she narrowed her brown eyes at him, concerned. "Are you okay?"

While Dimitri had showered and ran a brush through his long hair, he couldn't hide the dark circles under his eyes or the slight redness in them from his tiredness. Usually clean shaven, he also sported a slight stubble, not really having the energy to keep up his appearance. He looked exhausted, clearly.

"I'm fine, Mama," he lied. "I've just been busy at the studio."

Olena frowned at him.

"You do too much. You need to look after yourself," she scolded, waving the wooden spoon she was holding at him, before turning back to the pot on the stove. "How is that lovely Roza doing?"

Dimitri almost choked at the sudden mention of her name, not expecting his mother to ask about her. He thought that, considering Ivan had spent so much time there recently, he would have mentioned that Rose was no longer in the picture.

"She's – she's fine."

As he spoke, Dimitri's Babushka shuffled into the kitchen, fixing him with a glare as she did so.

"Hi Babushka," he smiled at her.

She simply shook her head at him before turning and walking away.

A shiver ran down Dimitri's spine. He had no doubt that Yeva knew exactly what had happened between him and Rose, somehow. He adored his grandmother completely, but she certainly did have an air about her that made him uncomfortable! How was it that she could make him fear for his life with just a look?

"Can I do anything to help with lunch?" Dimitri asked his mother, hoping to ignore the heavy feeling in his chest.

"No, no!" Olena exclaimed, waving him away and practically pushing him out of the kitchen. Her kitchen. "I've got everything under control. Go and relax!"

"I don't mind," he insisted.

"Dimitri, I'm just happy that you're home," she told him, squeezing his arm gently. "Go and sit down. You look tired."

"You didn't tell them about Rose?" Dimitri asked as he entered the living room. Ivan had already made himself at home, sitting back comfortably on one of the sofas with a drink in his hand.

"No," Ivan shrugged.

"How come?"

"It's not anything to do with me," he told his friend, taking a sip of his drink. "I didn't want to overstep."

Not to mention the fact that Ivan didn't believe for a second things between Dimitri and Rose were completely finished!

Just as Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, his youngest sister waltzed into the room, fixing him with an unimpressed gaze. Viktoria loved her older brother and missed him greatly when he wasn't around. She almost took it as a personal offence when she hadn't heard from him in a while!

"Oh, you are still alive," she grumbled sarcastically, folding her arms across her chest in a way that reminded Dimitri of Rose. "You look like shit."

Both Ivan and Dimitri narrowed their eyes at her, not used to hearing such language from her lips.

"Vika!"

Rolling her eyes, Viktoria held both her hands up innocently. When the men continued to glare at her, she huffed before turning and leaving the room once more. Dimitri made a mental note to speak to her later. It was clear she was mad at him, and he wanted to apologise for being away for so long.

"She's right though, you do look like shit," Ivan stated blatantly, not caring if he offended him. He needed to be blunt in order to get Dimitri to realise the severity of the situation. The last time Ivan saw Dimitri as depressed, as broken, as he was, Tasha had just broken his heart. If anything, this time he was even worse, if that was at all possible. He knew that Rose had left a deep impression on Dimitri's heart, regardless of whether he could admit it to himself, and it was clear that her leaving had affected him greatly.

"I'm fine."

"You're a mess."

Dimitri flipped him off, despite knowing he was right.

"Seriously, man. You need to start looking after yourself. Starting with admitting the problem," Ivan scolded. "Rose was perfect for you, plus ridiculously hot, and then you fucked it up – ended things with someone you're crazy about. Dumb move, man."

"Maybe I was an idiot, but there's nothing I can do about it now. She's gone. And I need to get over it," Dimitri sighed. "I am getting over it."

Ivan looked at him sceptically, taking in his dark, tired eyes.

"It's quite clear that you're not sleeping well," he stated. "I think you need counselling."

Dimitri scoffed.

"Break-ups happen all the time – although this was exactly what I was trying to avoid in the first place. I just need to move on, to forget it, and I don't need counselling for that."

"I don't mean that. I mean to get to the bottom of why you think you're not good enough for her."

"I don't need counselling for that either," Dimitri said, rolling his eyes. "I already know why I think that."

At Dimitri's revelation, Ivan's brows shot up in surprise.

"Oh yeah?" He queried, intrigued. "Care to enlighten me?"

Moping around for weeks on end had given Dimitri a lot of time to think, and given that his mind let him do nothing but think about Rose, he couldn't help but wonder what he could have done differently. What he could have done to make her stay, to make her happy. Only, this had led to a constant battle with himself – he wasn't good enough for her... he didn't have the capacity to make her happy... he could have at least tried though... but what made him think he even deserved to be with her at all? And so on and so on, until suddenly, one evening it had clicked:

"Tasha."

Ivan's eyes lit up.

"Bingo! We have a winner!" He exclaimed with a grin, pleased to hear that his friend seemed to be blind no longer.

"You think so too?"

"Uh, yeah."

From just behind the slightly ajar living room door, both Ivan and Dimitri heard a sarcastic "Duh!" informing them that Viktoria had been eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Vika, go and do your homework or something," Dimitri scolded.

"I just wanted to know what's got you so down," Viktoria justified with a shrug as she peered her head around the door. "But while I'm here, I agree – Tasha was a bitch."

"Vika!"

Viktoria rolled her eyes at her brother before retreating down the corridor. Satisfied with what she had heard, she decided to leave the men to their conversation. Knowing her too well, both Dimitri and Ivan waited until they heard the tell-tale creak of the stairs before resuming their discussion, assured that she was no longer listening.

"So... Tasha –"

Dimitri nodded.

"She made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was so in love with her, and I just couldn't see at the time that she wasn't right for me. I didn't see how manipulative she was, how toxic... Even after the relationship ended, I held her up on a pedestal, so when she did what she did I blamed myself – told myself that it was because I wasn't good enough for her."

"And you thought the same with Rose."

"Rose..." Dimitri began, "being with Rose helped me to see that Tasha was the problem. Not me. From the very beginning with Rose it was different."

"But you didn't see it at the time, so you sabotaged yourself," Ivan stated, knowing exactly what Dimitri was trying to explain.

Dimitri sighed, hanging his shoulders in shame. He had been such a fool.

"I just wish I hadn't realised it too late."

Ivan furrowed his brows.

"Is it? Too late?"

"Probably."

"That's not definitive."

"I said some shitty things to her," Dimitri told him, hoping he wouldn't have to elaborate. He hated himself for what he said to Rose – if he could take it all back, he would in a heartbeat.

"Then apologise," Ivan stated with a shrug, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"I don't know if that'll be enough."

"The least you can do is try," he told him. "You want her back, yes?"

Dimitri ran a hand through his hair, thinking.

As soon as the door shut behind her those weeks ago, Dimitri had regretted letting Rose walk away. Rose had been right – there was something between them. Exactly what, Dimitri wasn't sure, but he knew that there was something within him that cared for her more than he had been able to admit when they were together. It had taken watching her walk away from him and their arrangement to realise it.

"Yes."

"Then get her back. Apologise to her - show her you're sorry. Show her how you feel about her," Ivan instructed. "It's obvious you care deeply for her. You may not have intended to, but you've fallen in love with her, Dimitri. That's obvious from how broken you are now that she's gone."

"I don't know if I love her."

"My God you're an idiot," Ivan groaned, rolling his eyes. "Regardless, now that you've realised your psycho ex-girlfriend was, you know, psycho, you can stop letting her ruin you."

Dimitri sighed, knowing full well his best friend was right. Since when did he get so serious, so mature? Ivan took one last sip of his drink before standing from the sofa with a stretch.

"Are we done with the soppy shit now?" He teased. "I feel like we should be eating Ben & Jerry's straight from the tub."

Dimitri chuckled, the first time in weeks.

"You've realised your mistakes at least," Ivan continued. "Now you just have to fix them."

Well, Dimitri feels awful, and so he should!

Hope everyone is okay! Thank you for continuing to be patient with me. And of course thank you SO much for your comments! Keep them coming :)