"Come on, you idiot," he mumbled to himself. "You can do this. You need to do this."

Dimitri's grip on the steering wheel hadn't loosened since he pulled up outside Rose's apartment fifteen minutes beforehand, as though he was ready to drive away at any given moment. It had taken everything in him to finally muster up the courage to talk to her, let alone actually drive over to see her! But now that he was here, and she was just mere feet away from him, all that courage had disappeared.

This wasn't like him. He didn't chase after anybody. He didn't grovel. He didn't beg.

But it was Rose.

Roza.

And he was tired – so very tired.

Whenever he tried to fall asleep, tormenting thoughts kept him awake. The conversations they'd had, her laugh, her moans... they echoed as though she was there with him. He thought about the flirty, playful looks she would give him, the way her gorgeous hair glistened in the sun, the look on her face when she lay below him, giving herself to him completely. But the thing that kept him awake the most was the memory of the way her skin felt against his as she slept, tucked into the curve of his body. Without meaning to, she'd made him care for her, made him feel protective of her, made him worry about her... Not knowing how she was doing, how she was feeling, now they weren't together was making him stir crazy.

He needed to do this. He needed to speak to her, to try and make things right with her. Even if she rejected him, at least he tried. It would kill him to walk away, but at least he could do so knowing that he tried to make things right between them. At least he could... move on, if he had to. If she wanted him to.

The last few weeks that they'd spent apart had shown him just how happy he had really been when she was there with him – that happiness had come crashing back down the moment the door slammed shut behind her, leaving him an empty shell of himself. Falling for her had been completely unexpected, considering he hadn't felt anything remotely like this for anyone. Not since he'd been with Tasha, at least – although now he was realising that he'd only thought he loved her. He'd since been able to recognise the lies, the manipulation, the emotional abuse. No - the way he cared for Rose, and the way she cared for him, was on a whole other level, even having only known her a matter of months.

At the time, he was so sure that he was doing the right thing by ending things with her. But if making her leave was the right thing, why had it left him so empty? Why couldn't he forget the look in her eyes as she stood there in front of him, tears rolling down her face as she told him she loved him. Fuck, she loved him.

And he'd screwed it all up.

Which was why after yet another sleepless night, he'd finally talked himself into trying to get her back. He'd decided enough was enough – he needed to own up to his mistakes and tell Rose the truth. She hadn't been delusional – Dimitri cared for her. He had tried to deny it for as long as he could, tried to hide his true feelings, but she'd seen right through him. She saw him for exactly who he was, understanding him better than anyone had done before. It was his responsibility now to tell her that.

He felt as though he'd need to pray for a miracle, if she was going to forgive him, however.

Still, it was worth a shot. He needed to try.

With a deep breath he opened the car door, trying to get a grip on his nerves as he made his way to her front door. With each step, the nervous beat of his heart became more and more prominent, until the thump, thump, thump, ringing in his ears sounded suspiciously like her name.

Roza.

Roza.

Roza.

It echoed around in his mind – she was the only thing he could think about.

Roza.

It seemed to get louder the closer he got to her apartment, as if it was calling out to him, drawing him closer to her.

Roza.

There was no turning back now.

His hand shook as he reached out to knock on the wood of the door, and he took a moment to calm himself down while he waited for an answer. Any other time, he'd have scolded himself for acting this way, for being anything other than calm and collected – zen-like, as he recalled Rose teasing him one time - but the severity of the situation had him riled. He'd had a chance at happiness, a chance at something real, and he'd thrown it all away because of his own pathetic issues.

Idiot.

His breathing steadied finally, only to hitch in his throat as the door opened, almost choking at the sight of her. In just a few weeks, he'd almost forgotten how beautiful she was. Almost. But seeing her in the flesh after so long, his memory and his dreams hadn't done her justice.

As she stood there in front of him, in a simple tank top and leggings, hair loose to just below her shoulders, Dimitri thought she was the most breath-taking thing in the world. He couldn't help but notice the slight dark circles under her eyes however, and he wondered for a brief moment whether she too had been suffering from lack of sleep, whether she was suffering from their time apart just as he was.

"Oh," Rose uttered, blinking in surprise as she came face to face with Dimitri for the first time in weeks. He was the last person she'd expected to see standing on her doorstep. "Hi."

"Hi," he replied with a shaky breath.

"Hi."

He couldn't help but chuckle.

"You said that already, Roza," he teased with a grin. Rose inwardly groaned at the awkwardness. She hadn't expected to see anyone today, let alone see Dimitri, and when she'd rushed to the door, ready to tear whoever was disturbing her self-wallowing a new one, she'd been dumfounded. She hadn't prepared for this! What would she say to him? What would he say to her? Why was he even here in the first place?

"Sorry," she mumbled, averting her gaze from his. And why was she even apologising?

Dimitri frowned, seemingly thinking the same thing.

"Can I come in?" He asked, gesturing to where she stood, half hidden behind the front door. As he took a step forward, Rose's grip on the door tightened and she instinctively took a small step away from him.

"Uh, why?" she questioned, her mouth suddenly going dry. Again, why was he here? Rose hated situations like this, especially when she wasn't in control. She'd usually have a list of things in her mind to say, but when it came to Dimitri... she had no idea.

I love you, was one thought that she was desperately trying to ignore.

"I want to talk to you," he explained.

"What if I don't want to talk to you?"

Dimitri's stomach dropped. How was he going to make things right between them if she wouldn't even give him the time of day?

He sighed, looking down at the ground beneath his feet.

"I know you're mad at me, Roza, but please. I have some things I need to say," he told her, before looking back into her eyes, his thoughts imploring her to give him a chance to speak, to explain things to her.

She looked up at him, and Dimitri could tell from the look in her eyes that she was internally debating with herself. He knew that part of her wanted to listen, wanted to hear what he had to say. The other part, however, wanted to slam the door in his face and tell him to fuck right off.

"Please," he urged again, desperation rising within him. Give me a chance...

Rose sighed in defeat, the sincerity in Dimitri's eyes making her give in. He was serious, that was clear. Whatever he had to say to her was important.

"Wait here," she told him, before shutting the door on him and hurrying back into the apartment. Weeks of isolation meant that the place was not a pretty sight at all. Rose mentally scolded herself for not having prepared better. Having secretly hoped that one day Dimitri would come and see her, it would have made sense to have kept the place in a much more orderly state!

She quickly set to work, throwing any dirty dishes she could see into the sink, picking up stray dirty laundry on the floor, and not two minutes later she headed back to the front door. Taking a deep, collecting breath, she opened the door again, desperately trying to ignore the lurch of her heart as she stood in front of Dimitri once more. Down, girl.

"Come in," she said, stepping back to let him in and shutting the door behind them.

Dimitri smiled at her as he entered the apartment and he followed her into the living area, allowing her to guide him even though he'd been there just a few weeks before.

When it all started falling apart...

When they reached their destination, Rose sat down on one side of the sofa and Dimitri looked at the space next to her, silently asking whether it was okay for him to join her. Understanding what he was asking, she nodded and shifted over slightly, wordlessly giving him her permission. He moved to sit down, and a silence fell over them, neither one knowing how to start the conversation.

When almost a minute passed and no one had spoken, Rose groaned inwardly at the awkwardness.

"What do you want, Dimitri?" She sighed. He had told her he was here to speak to her, and yet he didn't seem to know where to begin.

"You."

Her heart skipping a beat, she blinked. Had she heard him correctly?

"What?"

"I came here to apologise to you," he explained, turning towards her. Rose could tell from the look in his eyes that he was nervous, as much as he tried to hide it. "And to hopefully see about the possibility of... of us possibly, maybe starting things again. Properly. The real thing."

God, he was fucking this up. By the confused look on Rose's face, it was clear that he wasn't making sense.

"I just mean – I miss you, Roza," he stated, taking a breath. "The last few weeks apart from you have been awful. And knowing that it was all my fault..."

Dimitri sighed and shook his head sadly.

"The last thing I'd ever wanted to do was hurt you."

"You did, though."

"I know," he practically whispered. "I know, and I'm so sorry. You have no idea how much it pains me to know that I upset you. That I was so awful to you. What I said to you that morning was completely unacceptable and I couldn't be more sorry for that. And I've probably ruined everything completely, but the thing is Roza, I lo-" he caught himself, "I do care for you."

Rose narrowed her eyes at him, her anger at him winning out over warm, fuzzy feeling she felt at his words.

"Then why did you insist on screwing everything up? Why did you say all that stuff? You knew it would hurt me," she accused, the tone of her voice piercing Dimitri straight through his heart.

"You have every reason to hate me, Roza. What I did, what I said to you was unforgivable. I was a complete idiot, I'll admit."

She shook her head. No, he was more than an idiot.

You broke my heart...

"You broke me, Dimitri. You told me that you didn't care about me, that it was basically all a game to get me into your bed," she reminded him. "You insinuated that I was a just a whore to be used for your convenience."

Grimacing at her words, Dimitri's face almost twisted in pain. The recollection of what he had said to her made him want to be sick.

"I was lying," he admitted, meeting her gaze. "I told you awful, ugly lies."

Rose simply looked at him, her silence indicating that she was expecting him to continue. He took the opportunity.

"I thought maybe if I could convince you that I didn't care for you in the way you thought I did then you'd leave. I was a coward. I let things from the past convince me that I didn't deserve you, didn't deserve your love," he explained. "I was trying to protect you, protect myself, from the inevitable hurt and breakup that I thought came with all relationships. But I was wrong. Fuck, was I wrong. I realise now that it was different with us. You were, are, the best thing in my life, and I can't let you go."

The best thing in his life? Had she just imagined that?

"What makes you think you can just waltz back into my life like this, Dimitri? Where was all this weeks ago?" She groaned, rubbing a hand over her face in frustration. "You have no idea how shit you made me feel, how awful the last couple of weeks have been."

Dimitri sighed, knowing her anger was entirely justified. "You have every right to be angry with me."

"Yes. Lies don't belong in relationships," she stated. "And yes, it was a relationship whether you like it or not. Dress it up however you like – friends with benefits, whatever – we were together, Dimitri. And you hurt me."

"I'm so sorry," he apologised, taking her hand in his. His skin lit up at their first point of contact in weeks. Did she feel it too? When she didn't flinch away from him, he inwardly smiled to himself, allowing himself this small victory. "If I could take it all back, I would. I want to be with you, Roza. I want you to be mine."

"What changed?"

"What?"

"What's suddenly so different now? You were adamant that relationships were the worst thing in the world. That we'd end up miserable, hurt, broken..."

She couldn't help but see the irony that she felt that way already.

"I realised that the issue was the person I was with, not the relationship itself. It's different with you, Roza. You're different," he explained to her, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb over the back of her hand. She always felt so soft. "You're – you're the best thing in my life. Without a doubt. Please, give me a chance to make this right."

He looked deeply into her eyes, hoping to convey just how serious he was. He desperately urged her to know that he was telling the truth, to know that he'd do anything just for one last chance to make her happy again. "Give me a chance to show you how sorry I am, how much you mean to me. How much I want to make this work."

He stared at her for a long while. Rose willed herself to look away, to convince herself she didn't care, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't help but stare back at him, her heart beating heavily. Silly woman, she thought. Even after all the hurt, she still wanted him. She was drawn to him, something pulling her toward him, intoxicating her. Even in his current, clearly exhausted state he was more gorgeous than she ever remembered. His dark hair was tied back at the nape of his neck, as it usually was when he left the house, and it only emphasized his strong jaw and dark eyes. Eyes that were now swimming with emotion. However stupid she felt, and self-destructive it might be, she still cared about him. She still loved him.

But it didn't change the fact that he hurt her.

"I can't."

Dimitri looked crestfallen as she pulled away from his grasp. His hand suddenly felt cold. Empty.

"I'm sorry, Dimitri. I just can't get over everything you said to me before," she explained. "At least not right now."

Dimitri sighed. As much as he wanted not to, he had expected this. He knew that the things he had said would have left irreparable scars between them.

Rose didn't want him.

He'd fucked everything up, and there wasn't anything he could do to fix it.

"You have to know that it's not true, though. What I said to you... I was an idiot. I didn't start things with you because I thought you were 'easy'. Or because I just wanted to see how long it would take to convince you. I was drawn to you. Something about you... there was just this connection with you," he explained, desperate for her to know that he didn't think of her as an 'easy lay' at all. "And I'm not saying this now to convince you to give me a second chance – you've said no, and I need to respect that. As much as it fucking kills me that I messed this up so badly. I just need you to know that you're worth more than I made you feel."

"I appreciate you saying that. Thank you."

"Do you think you can forgive me someday? For hurting you?"

Rose's heart beating heavily in her chest, her body urging her to take it all back – to forgive him that very second and fall into his arms. She wanted nothing more than to try again with him, but she'd been telling the truth – she'd been hurt by him, and she couldn't allow herself to be treated that way. His words had gone too far.

"I need time," she told him, sincerely.

"Okay," he sighed, feeling as though there was nothing more that he could do. He'd tried to explain, to show her that he cared for her, but he couldn't take back the past. "I'm sorry, Roza. Really."

The sun was just beginning to set as Ivan left Dimitri's apartment building, heading towards his car. Earlier that evening, his best friend had texted him, asking him to come over. Dimitri had finally been to see Rose, hoping to lay everything on the line and win her back, but it had apparently gone badly, to say the least, and Dimitri needed to vent. The fact that she hadn't decided to give Dimitri a second chance had shocked Ivan, considering the way he'd seen them look at each other, the way they'd lit up around the other. It was clear that they had fallen for each other, even if it hadn't been clear to themselves, and Ivan was sure that Dimitri's sincere apology would have at least begun bridging the gap between them.

Still, he was sure that even this wasn't the end for them.

Just as he reached his car, Ivan heard the tap, tap, tap, of heels walking down the street towards him. As the sound drew closer, he caught a whiff of a familiar scent, a woman's strong perfume that he hadn't smelled in years. He recognised it instantly and looked up from his keys to see the last person he expected to see, walking towards Dimitri's building.

Anger burned within him.

Not today.

Not any day, but especially not this one. Not when Dimitri had already had his heart broken once already.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Tasha?" He almost growled when she reached him, baring his teeth.

She smiled at him, the fact that it didn't reach her eyes making it clear that it wasn't sincere.

"It's lovely to see you too, Ivan."

"Unfortunately it isn't lovely to see you," he sneered. "What are you doing here?"

"Wow," Tasha scoffed, tossing her dark hair behind her shoulders, standing tall. "That's how you greet me after so long?"

Ivan rolled his eyes, already fed up with her antics. "I'll ask one more time, Tash. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Dimitri," she explained, shrugging her shoulders as though it was the most obvious, natural thing in the world. Never mind the fact that she broke his heart and then disappeared off the face of the earth for nearly four years!

When she moved to continue walking, but he narrowed his eyes at her, stepping in front of her and blocking the path.

"Why?"

"To talk to him."

"About?"

"That's none of your business."

Ivan scoffed.

"Actually it is my business, considering the last time you were in Dimitri's life I was the one that had to pick up the pieces afterwards," he spat.

Tasha rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't be so dramatic, Ivan," she laughed. "He loves me, he'll be excited to see me again. I'm sure he's missed me."

Ivan couldn't help the haughty laugh that escaped his lips at her words. Was she fucking delusional? "Far from it!" He exclaimed. "After everything that happened he's glad to see the back of you!"

"You have no idea what happened between us," the woman hissed, her fingers curling into claws.

"Oh, I know damn well what you did to him," he shot back. "And I know for a fact that Dimitri won't want to see you. He couldn't be any less interested in a skank who throws herself at just about anyone."

"He was interested in me before. We were getting married remember?"

"Yeah and then you screwed him over!" he shouted, his fury getting the better of him. He didn't care that they were in the middle of the street – Tasha made him angry. "You spent the whole relationship manipulating him, bossing him around, flirting with anything and anyone under the sun... and then you proved just how much of a whore you are by sleeping around on top of that."

Tasha's eyes widened in shock.

"A whore?" She practically screeched. "How dare you call me that."

Ivan couldn't help but smirk at her disdain.

"Trust me, Tash. He's over you. He's moved on," he told her, folding his arms defiantly.

He didn't miss the way her eyes flashed momentarily at his words. She didn't need to know that things were currently on the rocks between Dimitri and Rose – if it meant she left him alone, then so be it.

"Moved on?"

"Yes he has," he reiterated. "And Rose is perfect for him. She makes him happy. She's sweet. She understands him. Plus she doesn't screw around behind his back!"

"I – "

"So don't you dare screw it up for him. Don't you dare come barrelling back into his life and make him miserable again," he threatened, jabbing a finger in her direction with his words. "I suggest you turn around and go back to whatever whorehouse you came from."

Narrowing her eyes at him, her façade fell away completely. She seemingly didn't have anything to argue back, however, and defeatedly turned away, walking back in the direction she came.

Satisfied, Ivan unlocked his car and got into the driver's seat, pulling out his phone to call Dimitri. His thumb hovered over the call button, before he decided to lock his phone again and put it back in his pocket. He knew that Dimitri should probably know what had happened, but with all the hurt already today, he didn't need this on top of it.

With a sigh, he switched on the ignition and drove away.

What a fucking day.

As he drove past Tasha, who was still walking down the street, he scowled at her. How dare she just turn up out of the blue like this? How dare she show her face after everything she did?

Still, it could be dealt with another day, at least.

Driving out of sight, however, Ivan missed the fact that the woman had stopped walking. Missed the way that she'd turned around.

He'd missed that she'd walked straight up to Dimitri's apartment building, clearly on a mission.

Hi guys, I'm so sorry for the long wait for this. My son was poorly, and then he inevitably passed it onto me, so I've been spending my time looking after him, and then recovering myself. Hopefully this long-ish chapter will make up for it!

Thank you for your reviews as always! Please remember to review this chapter, I really want to know what you think as it allows me to navigate the story with my readers in mind!

What did you think of Dimitri's speech to Rose? Did you expect Tasha's return?