"Ice cream on the way?" Dawn suggested.
"On the way back," Xander said. "Basement is all dusty and I prefer my soft serve without it."
"Point," Dawn said. "Did you get work done on the car? I don't remember it running this well."
"A Tarakan assassin gave it a quick clean and repair to show off," he replied, eyes following a passing cop car and wondering if he should offer the local police a lecture or assume they already knew everything.
"I don't remember that from your road trip," Dawn said with a frown.
"It was before I left town, they wanted their rings back," he explained, "and were willing to pay quite a lot for them."
"Doesn't Giles have them?"
"He had one he mailed off, I had one from killing bug guy, and I picked up the other from digging in the burnt down church where the fake police woman bit it."
"How much did you do before you left?" Dawn asked.
"Moved into the basement, made a deal with the Tarakans, made a deal with Willy, rescued some secret group from snot demons, and raided an empty vamp nest," he rattled off as they pulled up in front of a worn looking two story house.
"And that's just an average day for you?" she asked in disbelief.
"No, it was a very busy day," Xander said, "but as I had scheduled getting ready for my trip and killing the Mayor, I already knew it was going to be a busy day."
"That was probably an entire story in itself," Dawn said as they got out and circled around to the overgrown backyard.
"Three chapters tops," Xander disagreed as he pulled open the rear entrance to the basement.
"You should get your own place," Dawn said, nose wrinkling at the smell of damp and mold as they descended the stairs into the dark room.
"I… can afford that now," Xander realized, "and prices are probably going to go up now that all the demons are gone."
"So?"
"New plan," Xander said, waving for her to head back up the stairs, "Let's go see whoever the local realtors are."
"We're going house shopping?!" Dawn asked with a squeal.
"We are," Xander agreed.
"What kind of place are you looking for?" she asked excitedly as they returned to the yard.
"Whatever kind they got," Xander said with a shrug. "A warehouse in decent condition is actually doable if that's all I can find, wouldn't be too hard to install a tub, but I'm hoping someplace with a workshop and maybe a good sized room for a library."
"So basically… anything?" Dawn asked as they returned to the car.
"Just about," he agreed.
"Pick some place Mom wouldn't mind me visiting," Dawn ordered him.
"That's a given," he assured her. "Now… how do you find a realtor?"
"Give me your phone, I'll call Mom," Dawn said. "She bought a house here so she knows at least one."
"Good idea," he said, passing her his phone.
"And in the meantime we can get ice cream," she said.
"Another good idea," Xander agreed.
"How much do you have to spend?" Dawn asked.
"Let's see… I got two hundred grand for the rings, twenty thousand of which is in my wallet since they weren't sure I'd get the second ring, so that's one eighty in the bank and I have no idea what Ravager put in for my ten percent of what she got for killing the kidnapper and rescuing the child," Xander said.
Silence fell in the car and Xander glanced over to find Dawn staring at him with her mouth open.
"Yeah, I know," he said with a grin. "I'm loaded."
"You are paying for a big cone with sprinkles," Dawn said, making him grin.
"Agreed," he said.
"So how do we find out how much you have?" Dawn asked.
"Call the bank, number's on the back of my card and enter my pin," he replied, handing her his wallet.
"What's your pin?" she asked.
"Nine, nine, nine, zero," he replied.
"Huh, I thought you'd use one, two, three, four."
"Only for my luggage," he said with an exchange of grins at the joke.
Dawn pulled out his card and dialed the number on the back, listening to the automated response before putting in the number on the card and then the pin. "Oh wow," she said a couple of seconds later before hanging up.
"Is that good?" Xander asked.
"You got an extra zero added to your account," Dawn said, "looks like you won't need a mortgage. Not really sure what that is, but Mom has one and hates it."
"I've got over a million dollars?" Xander asked in disbelief.
"Very much so," Dawn agreed. "I'll call mom for her realtor's number, you… order me a banana split with extra everything."
"I think I'll get the same."
Dawn called her mother and got the name and number of her realtor while Xander tried to order, but the speaker system in the drive thru of the Tastee Freeze was horrible so he eventually gave up and simply drove up to the window and placed his order.
"Lots of napkins," he said firmly, slipping a five to the cashier on the side.
The teen working the drive through grinned and half filled an extra bag with napkins for them.
"I'm not that messy," Dawn said with a frown. "Did you get a memory that may or may not be true back about me and ice cream?"
"Nope, but even if you aren't I am," he told her, accepting the banana splits and passing them to Dawn.
"I don't remember you being messy, unless you were doing it to be funny," she admitted.
"Only when I'm in a car," Xander replied. "Something about eating ice cream while sitting at this angle just makes me spill things."
"Then why not get out and use one of the picnic tables in the park?" she asked.
Xander stared at her for a second. "Because I didn't think of it," he admitted. "To the park we go."
Five minutes later they were at a picnic table in the Sunnydale City Park across from Town Hall.
"What kind of place do you think you'll end up with?" Dawn asked.
"No idea," Xander replied. "Like I said, it just needs space and I can handle the rest."
"Want me to call and make an appointment?"
"Do you need to make an appointment?"
"Probably. Can't hurt to check," she replied as she finished off the first half of her banana split.
"Go for it," he replied.
Dawn typed in the number and a phone rang from a nearby park bench, causing them both to turn where an older woman in a sports coat and slacks was eating a sandwich.
"Hello?" the woman asked, answering her phone, both of them hearing her voice from the phone.
"Hello, this is Dawn Summers, my friend is looking to buy a house and you appear to be sitting just a few feet from us."
The woman looked over at them and hung up, getting up to join them. "Carrie Baskin," she introduced herself. "I'd offer my hand, but I think I have some mustard on it."
"Extra napkins in the bag," Xander said.
"Thank you," she said and quickly wiped off her hand and made sure she didn't get any on herself or her phone. "I understand you wish to buy a house?"
"I need a place with room for a workshop, possibly a forge, and a library," Xander told her. "Not specifically a house, but I'd prefer one with a full bathroom if it's available."
"That opens up the options quite a bit," she said before taking a bite of her sandwich and considering the properties available before realizing who she was talking to. "You're Xander Harris."
"I am," Xander agreed.
"Would I be right in assuming you could handle… more difficult properties?" she asked cautiously.
"I can handle leach infestations," Xander replied with a nod.
"That would make things a lot easier and cheaper," she told him, "though we're not quite sure that's the problem, we just know some properties are difficult to sell as the buyers vanish."
"I'm willing to take a look if it fits my needs," Xander told her.
"Wonderful," she said. "There is a mansion available on Crawford Street-"
"Pass," Xander said. "I know the place and while it probably doesn't have any current occupants, the entryway has a stone statue of a demon with a bloody sword through its chest that if drawn out will suck the world into Hell. Call the Justice League and they'll remove it for you so you can safely sell the property."
"Alright," she said slowly, wide eyed.
"A mansion sounds like it'd have all the room you need," Dawn pointed out.
"Yeah, but Angel, Spike, and Dru stayed there for a couple of months. God only knows what they did in the bedrooms and besides that, Buffy would whine about it being Angel's place and get all emo if she came over."
"That's a good point," Dawn said. "Anything else?"
"There is a nice three bedroom place built into the closed down drive-in at the edge of town," she offered.
"Now we're talking," Xander said with a smile. "Tell me about it."
"An attempt was made to open a drive-in on the edge of town, it was very nicely done with a video arcade and snack bar. The residence is actually built under the property, but it's quite spacious and all up to code," Carrie explained.
"Built underground in Sunnydale," Xander said, shaking his head. "I can see where they'd have problems, but I wouldn't mind taking a look. Any other problems?"
"It was originally zoned commercial, but the city changed it to residential, which is another reason it's been so hard to sell."
"I don't plan on running a business out of it so that's not a deal breaker," Xander said. "Price?"
"Fifty five thousand, but we can get you financing," she said eagerly.
"If I like it, I'll pay cash up front," Xander said.
"You can afford that?" she asked, surprised.
"I can," Xander said. "I'll need keys and the address to check it out, but you don't need to come with me."
"I'll have to, to put in the code on the lock box to get the keys, but I'll wait outside," Carrie said. "I don't suppose I could convince you to buy it before you enter the property?"
"Only if you knocked fifteen grand off the price," Xander joked.
"Deal!" she said excitedly.
"Deal?" Xander repeated, surprised.
"Come to the office and I'll have the paperwork ready for you to take ownership of the property, sight unseen for forty thousand dollars," Carrie said.
"I… can't pass up a bargain like that," Xander said. "Everything is to code?'
"It was during the last inspection eight months ago when we got it and the outside has been taken care of by a professional landscaping service," she explained.
"We've had three buyers and no survivors," Carrie said honestly. "Initial down payments are nice, but I'd like to actually sell a property."
"I'll roll those dice for a discount," Xander said with a grin.
"Here's my card, come to my office in five minutes and I'll have the paperwork ready," she said excitedly, before getting up and hurrying off.
"Are you really going to risk your life over that little?" Dawn asked.
"Superman and Flash swept the town of vamps and demons a week ago," Xander reminded her. "Plus I'll put up a sanctuary rune before entering it and go armed."
"Oh, yeah," Dawn said relaxing, "that makes more sense."
"So, let's get the paperwork signed then I'm going to drop you off and check the place out, because no way am I taking you there until I make sure it is cleared."
"I'd argue, but yeah Mom would kill you," Dawn admitted.
Xander stared at her for a second before saying, "Thank you for having common sense and not insisting on rushing into dangerous situations for no reason."
"Buffy flashback?" Dawn guessed with a grin.
Xander cleared his throat. "I very carefully did not say that or agree with any statement real or implied."
Dawn giggled. "Fine, but if the projector still works we're going to watch a drive-in movie tonight."
"Agreed," Xander said.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
Beta By: Abyssal Angel, Mist of Shadows, and Kyrin Fireheart
AA: If I lived in the Buffy-verse and was loaded or had my own building power, I'd purchase a stretch of land out a ways from town and build/get my own place built. Probably start with a cement box crosshatched with symbols of the sun, with a nice two story built on top away from the edges, and an elevator down into a fallout shelter modeled after a mall, complete with fake outdoor screens for 'windows' and light. And there would absolutely be a theater, built in mini-waterpark, and maybe even a rollercoaster/cart/tram thing for if the mall ends up big enough to need it. Also a fish farm/aquarium and hydroponics bay. Also lots of steel floor dividers to pop out of the floor for cover, and an armory's worth of hidden guns built into the floor that'll only pop open for the defenders. And still lots of sun symbols everywhere. And flamethrower turrets/holy water sprinklers. Praise the sun! Burn the invaders!
…If I were building it myself with a power, I'd probably also end up turning it into a convertible skycity/spaceship eventually, park it in the sky and have the bottom project clouds and have it drift around on the wind. The spaceship part would just be for bugging out as necessary. Probably figure out how to get the majority of it stuffed into its own pocket dimension so it'd be like an old style video game creation, where the interior's divorced from the exterior even though they're technically supposed to be the same building. That way if someone's attacking the outside, the inside isn't affected.
Ah sorry, kinda ended up letting my imagination run away with me there. My bad.
Omake by: captaindickscratcher
Omake 1: After dropping Dawn off at a friend's house in the now demonic clear (For now) Sunnydale. Xander decided to Swing back at the Summers residence to get a shower and pick up a few clean clothes. Walking in Joyce was cleaning up the living room.
"Hey Missus S, need any help?" asked Xander
"Oh, no," Joyce replied, "just finishing up. Here, give me your shirt and i'll put it in the wash with the last of the clothes."
"Sure, be out in five," Xander took off his shirt, passing it to Joyce while completely missing her wide eyed expression. 15 minutes later Xander walked back in to find the maternal Summers placing the cushions back on the couch.
"Ok, Joyce all done," he said, only to get a mumble from her. "Sorry, what?" Xander asked
"I'm stuck."
Xander stood motionless, however his mind was a different story. AWOOGA! AWOOGA! ALL HANDS TO BATTLESTATIONS! DANGER! DANGER! WILL ROBINSON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL !' Inside Xander's mind there was a full scale brawl between the Horny Teen side and the Pure Survival Instinct side of his mind, with other parts of his personality taking bets.
HT: "IT IS OUR DESTINY!"
PSI: "WE'RE GOING TO DIE ! BUFFY WILL KILL US!"
HT: "FOR KING AND COUNTRY! "
PSI: "WHAT KING?! WE'RE AMERICAN IDIOT! AND DAWN WILL KILL US!"
HT: "THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!"
PSI: "YES BUT THEY'LL TAKE OUR LIFE AND OUR MANHOOD! WILLOW WILL KILL US!"
Very, Very, far away Xander could hear someone who sounded exactly like him say, "Would... you.. like... help?" There was NO WAY! Joyce Summers, Buffy's MOM! would EVER even know about such things as those videos he's seen advertised.
Right?
To her credit Joyce at least tried, or seemingly tried, to get her hand free only to sigh and say, "Oh yes please, Xander."
And with most of his brain shut down and ultra instinct kicking in he moved to help with Pure Survival Instincts playing a violin and saying, "Gentlemen, it's been a honor."
But before he could get a step, the door to the Summers home crashed open as Dawn almost literally broke through it. "HiMomIjustdecidedtocomebackearleynotforanyparticularreasonandnotbecausemyXandersensesweretingling!"
Joyce Summers just gave her daughter a brilliant smile, and to Xander's shock, stood straight up and with a perfect poker face replied, "Aw perfect timing sweety, I've just finished up. Would you like to help me make snacks?"
And with that both ladies went into the kitchen, but not before Joyce gave Xander a cheeky wink.
Xander stood there motionless, and in his mind his own various personality traits stood frozen with their jaws wide open. Eventually an alarm went off and a warning sign flashed 'REBOOTING. Updates available. Would you like to update? Y/N?'
Xander after a few seconds came back to his senses. "OK Joyce, all don- Oh, could have sworn she was here a second ago. Hope she doesn't mind me being here. Maybe I should ask her if she'd like anything done in compensation?"
AN: My reviewers write the strangest omakes, because I can assure you I have absolutely no plans to use a stuck trope and Xander panicking in a future chapter.
Honest!
MOS: "If you believe that, I have a bridge…"