I didn't know for how long we were talking.

There wasn't anything new to tell though. The story I told Chrom about how I got here and what happened before all of this was rehearsed for Sumia. Even though it was mostly a one-sided conversation about me and what I was trying to do, there wasn't a point when Sumia stopped listening.

"Once Frederick gave me that dagger, I didn't know what it represented at first," I said while shuffling in place, trying to find a better position for my head that leaned against Sumia's shoulder. That armour of hers was just not comfortable. "But when I thought about it when there was nothing to do, it just hit me in all the wrong places and… well, made me panic."

Sumia hummed, her gaze fixated on the ground. "And these… panic attacks. How many times have you had them?"

I shook my head. "Too many to count, to be honest. Back in my place, everything became too stressful to keep up with, so I had to endure them. Hence why I'm so indecisive whether I should go back there or not."

I tried to take a deep breath, but suppressing the sobs was getting difficult. "That is if I can go back. Something tells me I'm gonna be stuck here for a long time."

My hands balled up. "So I had no option but to power through, but when the call to arms came, all I could think of was how to avoid it."

Sumia wrapped her arm around me and pulled me closer. She then used her other hand to slowly unfurl my tight fists, but the marks from my nails on my palms made her flinch. There were still a few traces of blood on them, so she hid them away in her own palm.

"I'll be honest, it's kind of hard to wrap my head around everything you told me. The idea is surreal, but I guess we wouldn't be having this conversation if it was a lie."

I wanted to chuckle. I knew Sumia was trying to lighten up the conversation, but I couldn't see myself doing so. "That's what I hate the most about all of this. I must sound delusional, but it's the truth I know. Even though we're sitting here together right now, I just can't help but think we're worlds apart."

My own words made me hiss. "It's alienating, Sumia. I have to rely on others' beliefs just so I don't sound like a lunatic. I'm an outsider, and I don't know how to fit in anymore."

Sumia's grip on my shoulder tightened and her lips were pursed until a smile broke through her features. "But you're trying your best, right?"

The question caught me off guard. I pulled my head away from her shoulder and gave her a side glance. "Yeah, but apparently I'm not doing enough. And with this new obstacle in the way, I don't think I will ever call this place home."

The sudden jerk of her arm didn't make me feel any better. Sumia knew it too, and when I glanced her way, her down-casted expression only affirmed my suspicion. Her lips barely moved and didn't utter a sound, as if she was finding a way to prove me wrong.

"I…" With how she tried to draw things out, it made me lose hope for an answer before Sumia touched her chest. "I guess you're right."

Those words hit me more than I was willing to admit. They cut deeply into my well-being, but I shouldn't have expected a miracle. I was already asking for too much.

"But I think you're forcing yourself to change too quickly."

That… made me pause. The lurching in my chest momentarily seized, the cold sweat stopped pouring, and all I wished to know at that moment was what she meant. My head couldn't wrap around her sudden statement.

My curiosity prompted Sumia to continue, "Tell me, was there a moment when you just took a break?"

"A break?" I parroted, caught off-guard by the question. "From what?"

"You know what I mean," she said while shaking her head. "Whenever I saw you, you were always buried deep in your texts or training with Lissa. There was never a point when I found you relaxing or doing anything that made you happy."

Even though Sumia was trying to make me feel better, I couldn't help but frown. "And you think I have time for that? Frederick has put me through so much just so I could keep up with you all. Or at least, find a use for myself in the Shepherds."

"But you know you don't have to be like us, right?" she countered, mirroring my frown to prove a point. "It's almost like you're trying to forget your circumstances when they are what made you who you are. In a way, they make you special compared to us."

"But I don't want them to!" I suddenly shouted and rose to my feet. "I hate the word 'special' in every sense! Do you know how much I've been fed lies about me being special when I had no redeeming qualities!? My brother, on the other hand, was the one who was special out of us and do you know where he is now!?"

I swiped with my hand. "Dead!"

Sumia gasped before hiding her mouth with both hands. At that point, something was telling me I should've stopped and ended it there to not escalate the situation.

But I didn't.

"And when I was supposed to take his place, I sucked at everything! I knew it, my parents knew it, and yet my old man still pressed me into doing what he wanted! And now, I end up here, surrounded by people much more competent than me and you think I suddenly have what it takes!?"

"Bullshit!"

I started heaving once I finished and it was very difficult to catch my breath. I couldn't even process how Sumia reacted to the rest since my bangs hid her away, but the silence was enough of an answer. Clenching my teeth, I turned around, facing Sumia with my back.

"Just… leave me alone," I said, my voice no longer holding the edge it had before. "I'm tired."

While it pained me to end this conversation on such a bad note, the urge to curl up and sleep through the entire day was just too tempting. One foot after another, I started walking away from the beach. Before I could leave, though, a sudden bump stopped me in my tracks.

The dull hit made me back away and look up who it was. My breath hitched.

"You know, it's unbecoming to leave a friend behind after they give you a shoulder to cry on," Robin said with his hands crossed and a slightly lifted chin. "Especially after having a breakdown."

I clicked my tongue and took a turn. "Like I said, I'm tired. Leave me alone."

"I'm afraid that isn't an option right now," he rebuked. "Time's growing short and I can't have a single person burdened by their state."

He walked past me towards Sumia before offering her a hand. She took a moment before letting herself be hoisted up. "Go rest, Sumia. You know what's coming, so prepare yourself as best as you can."

She jolted in place. "B-but what about—"

"I'll handle this. I've heard enough to know the gist of things." Robin interrupted her before nudging his head in the town's direction. "Go."

She clearly didn't want to, but with a reluctant nod, she left me and Robin alone. Before she was fully gone, however, she glanced in my direction one last time. "I'm sorry I couldn't help more."

It made me hiss. After our entire conversation, somehow, she still found it appropriate to apologize.

No, I was the one who should have apologized, and it irked me.

Once it was just me and Robin by the shore, no one said anything. I turned around and saw him staring at the sea with an emotionless stare before he picked up a random flat rock from the ground. It was as if his mind was in a completely different place and didn't care enough to stop me from leaving altogether.

"So," he started while fidgeting with the stone. "A panic attack, huh? Can't say I've heard the name, but it's quite simple to understand."

I didn't say anything back and instead turned my back to him, ready to leave as well.

"I wouldn't go anywhere if I were you," Robin said, lazily tilting his head in my direction. "You'd be in a rude awakening in a few hours."

"Then what is it!?" I snapped at him, and he jerked in place, tightening his grip on the stone.

"Don't get too moody, Theresa. I'm being serious here," he stated before throwing the stone with a flick. It skipped across the surface of the water several times before it was drowned by the waves. "The mission we were on was quite successful."

My upper lip twitched. "So? If it was successful then why do I need to hear it?"

"Because it went a little too well," he said, picking up another flat rock while inspecting it thoroughly. "Not only were we able to eliminate some parties, but we found out their ships weren't guarded at all."

He looked behind his back and to the skies as he hummed. "You can see for yourself what happened."

I raised an eyebrow before following his gaze. At first, I didn't see a whole lot. Sure, the skies were filled with leftover stars, but there was a part blocked off by… something. It couldn't be clouds because the rest of the skies were clear, but it still resembled one — a very dark one at that.

Once I put two and two together, it clicked.

"You… lit them on fire?" I half-asked, and Robin nodded.

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "Now, they have nowhere to go, are on limited supplies, and have us breathing down their necks. Basically, they're cornered in every aspect. Now it's just a matter of what they will do."

He threw another rock, but this one didn't skip at all and sank immediately with a splash. "And my guess is: they'll charge us with everything they have left."

I was about to retort, but it didn't take much to understand his point. In fact, it took so little that it made me throw my hands into the air. "First, a mental breakdown and now this!?"

I hastily reached Robin's side and grabbed his shoulder before forcefully making him turn to me. "Do you want me to get a heart attack!?"

"Calm down, Theresa. I have a reas—"

"This isn't something to be calm about! Are you forgetting one key detail!? I can't fight! I had a breakdown just thinking about entering the field and now, of all times, you have to bring an entire bandit group right next to our doorstep!?"

My other hand leaned on Robin as well, but when I was about to continue, my words died in my throat. My grip tightened, but my legs just couldn't keep me up anymore, making Robin the only thing that kept me from touching the ground with my knees. Tears started to pour, accompanied by a desperate but quiet cry.

"Why can't I just leave, Robin? I don't have it in me… to fight."

Robin let out a low hum before taking a deep breath. He patted my head, and while I wanted him to stop, there was nothing I could do about it.

"I know. I know you don't," he said quietly. "Honestly, it was presumptuous of me to think just a few rounds would make you into a hardened cleric. Tell me, have you experienced anything remotely close to this before getting here? Fighting someone, I mean."

I shook my head. "Hardly. The only fighting I did were spats between my family and friends, not even a fistfight. Whenever I heard about something going on, it was always way too far for me to care about."

"So, a noble's life then, right?" he half-asked and I internally hissed.

Again, explaining anything to someone was just so taxing. Of course, my life wasn't one of nobility, but how could I explain that in a way they could understand? Telling them that most people lived a good life, were able to buy food in bulk, and had relative peace? All of this would just fly over their heads and think of it as wishful thinking. I wasn't trying to downplay Robin's intelligence, but this culture barrier only stressed me out.

"Basically," was what I eventually said.

"No wonder then," he remarked. "Then let me ask you this: do you want other people to go through what you're experiencing right now?"

"Robin, I'm too selfish to think about people I don't know. If I can't handle myself, how can I worry about anyone else?"

"Yeah, that's fair," he admitted. "But my point still stands. If we don't do anything about this upcoming raid, what do you think will happen to this small town?"

"It…" I gulped. "It'll—"

"No, don't finish it," Robin said while bringing me closer to him. "I'm not planning to put you in the thick of the fight. You're going to be stationed close to the mayor's house, attending to those who can fight but were injured."

"Robin, please, don't make me a part of this."

"We don't have an option, Theresa," he said with a leveled tone. "And even if we would have one, you know more than anyone that you need to experience what it is to be on the field. For your own sake."

"How can you know what's good for me?" I shot back, lifting my head to stare at him directly. "Me, of all people."

"Because…" he paused, taking a moment to think by helping me stand up on my two feet. He breathed through his nose. "You remind me of someone I knew."

While still standing loosely on my slightly shaking feet, my eyebrows shot up on their own, but I didn't speak.

"That… someone was basically in a familiar situation like yours—getting dumped a large responsibility on their shoulders." Just from his voice, I could tell this was something Robin wouldn't be willing to talk about out of the blue. He chose his words extremely carefully. "They tried to fight it, but it eventually broke them instead."

He then grabbed my shoulders and looked directly at me, but the glint in his eyes told me something else. It was like he was staring at someone else.

"But I know you can power through. I've seen you at Southtown, or when we tried to spar," he stated. "That wasn't someone who'd just run away if things got too messy, that was someone who can tackle anything head-on."

Robin shook with me. "That was you. And this skirmish will only temper you for the foreseeable future."

My mouth hung open before it closed shut with a quiet clap. A hiss escaped my lips and my hands balled up into fists. "How can you be so sure?"

"Truthfully, I can't be," he admitted, and that made me snap at him for getting my hopes up. I lifted my hand, ready to punch him in the face, but a glimpse of a smile on his face made me stop. "But something tells me this was the right thing to do. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I left you in the mud."

My fist stayed in place. It was ready to sink into his cheek, but instead, only hit him against his chest with a light tap. My arm fell limp and I turned my back against him before slowly starting to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Robin asked calmly and I gave him a side glance.

"To my post," I said with a shaky voice. "It's where you want me, right?"

His eyes widened for a moment before he shook his head. "Not right now, of course. We should have enough time to adequately prepare."

"And you couldn't have said that sooner!? What was the point of psyching me up then!?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you'd have picked up on that based on what I told Sumia," he gave me a lop-sided grin. "So, can I count on you, then?"

My breath hitched. "Y-yeah, you can."

"Very well," Robin said with a hum before reaching my side and digging into his pocket. "Then you're going to need this."

What he brought made my heart skip a beat. The knife I dropped was in his hand, its sheen gleaming with my face on it. A shiver ran down my spine, making me hesitate to take it back.

But then I shook my head and grabbed the handle. "Right. Self-defense."

He nodded. "Do a quick recount of the supplies to get your mind off of things and then… well, steel yourself for the worst."

For the worst, I thought while my eyes stared at the edge of the knife. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. No, I'm still not ready. But I guess Frederick was right. I would never be.

{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}

While I could say returning to my formal job as a quartermaster helped me calm down, it didn't. Even though Robin made my recount easy by having everyone drop their stuff next to the carts, it quickly became too hectic once I was done.

With the sun rising from the sea every passing moment, each member stopped by and I quickly gave them what they needed before they rushed off to their post. I didn't have time to observe who went where, but one thing was for sure: everyone was on edge.

Except for one person, evidently.

"Alright, a vulnerary, arrows, what else?" I said, quickly taking notes before handing the items to Virion, whose smug smile just didn't sit well with me.

"A reserve bow would be nice, my dear. I fear the string might bre—"

"New bow, got it," I cut him off before digging into a crate inside the cart and taking the first bow I found. I checked it fast for any damage and tossed it in Virion's way. "Catch."

Surprised, Virion spread his arms and was barely able to catch it, having little room left within his grasp. "Dear, calm down! I've heard of what happened so there's no need to be—"

"I have every right to be whatever you were going to say," I interrupted him a second time before giving him a look. "And it's not 'dear', Virion. Now go, there's still someone behind you."

Crestfallen, Virion's shoulders slumped before nodding and leaving to wherever. However, a lump formed in my throat when I saw it was Sumia behind him, and I instinctively averted my gaze while she did the same. She eventually voiced what she needed and I got her exactly that.

While picking up her spear and a bottle, she raised her head. "Theresa, are… are you alright?"

It took a moment for me to respond. I shook my head first before saying, "No, not entirely, but I'll manage somehow."

I tried to force a smile, but it was too difficult, so I opted for a neutral frown instead. "Thanks for listening to me, though. And I'm sorry for snapping at you."

While surprised at first, Sumia quickly followed up with a hum. "No, don't be. At least you voiced it out loud."

"You're… not mad?" I asked carefully, but instead of getting an answer, she gave me a mock salute and left. Still, before she disappeared completely, I noticed her lips curved up, and it made me sigh with relief.

That brief reprieve was interrupted when Frederick suddenly stood tall in front of me, his hands behind his back and his chin raised. I gulped while not looking directly into his eyes.

"What do you need?" I said with a shaky tone.

"My lance," he exclaimed curtly.

I blinked. "That's it? Not even a spare or a vulnerary?"

All he did was shake his head, and instead of prying further, I did a quick search and found his weapon gleaming among the more rustic tools. With a towel, I cleaned the tip and the handle up before offering it to Frederick.

He took it wordlessly and… left. He had no remarks, no lectures to teach, he just straight up left. I stared at his back for a lot longer than I should have before shaking my head and returning to my job.

Once everyone was accounted for and had their gear, I wrote the rest down inside my booklet before shutting it close with a thud. I took a deep breath and disappeared inside my tent to get ready myself. Putting on the hoopskirt was a pain, but it was nothing compared to the constant ringing in my head.

Ignoring it was… difficult, but I couldn't curl up and let time pass again.

I had something to prove here—prove myself.

Grabbing the glowing stone from my pocket, I slotted it inside my staff with a soft click. I tapped the ground twice and gave myself a nod.

"It's now or never," I said, trying to convince myself, but my fingers were still cold and my hands refused to stop shaking. I gave myself a strong slap against my cheek, letting the jolt run across my entire body…

And stepped outside.

AN: Well, one month of wait, but I was still able to write a chapter nonetheless.

This chapter might feel a little disjointed due to the fact this still was a draft that was a part of the last chapter. Sure, I could have given you the entire chapter, but I was quite dissatisfied with it until now. I'll just hope it's on par with others.

As always, I'd like to thank Cavik for proofreading today's chapter, and I'll see myself out.

God's speed.