There was never a point in my life when a question would leave me speechless. Retorting came second nature, and the topic didn't matter. I always had a way to contribute with my sense of logic. But how could Emmeryn ask something so complicated? Was it because I had no control over my surroundings or felt alienated by the cultural differences?

No, it was simple.

I was surrounded by a fog that hid the path I was supposed to be taking, and this world-hopping bullshit caused it. It threw a wrench at me that I hadn't recovered from yet, and while Emmeryn was an accommodating host, she made the issue worse by bringing it up.

No answer would satisfy us both. I couldn't even think of one.

Everything amounted to a hiss escaping my mouth, and the grip on the delicate cup's handle became so tight, that it snapped with an ungraceful crack. The hot tea spilt over my clothes, making Emmeryn gasp in surprise, but I didn't even flinch from how hot it was.

The question weighed on me that much.

"Theresa, are you alright!?" she exclaimed while rising from her seat. After pulling the broken cup and saucer away from my lap, she laid a napkin over my drenched clothes, hoping to soak up some of the tea.

"I'm fine," I forced out, but Emmeryn frowned.

"You are most certainly not. At least the tea wasn't scalding."

By the time she reached for another napkin to replace the first now unusable one, my clothes had already soaked up the rest of the tea, leaving my long blue-sleeved shirt and black skirt stained brown.

I whipped my head away, my upper lip twitching. "Whatever."

The inadequate response made Emmeryn flinch, but she didn't speak any further. Instead, she stepped back and picked up a calling bell before gently ringing it. Soon, a woman in a maid outfit came onto the balcony and bowed.

"Please, take Lady Theresa and help her change into a new set of clothes. A small accident has occurred," she said in a neutral tone before turning to me. "I'll wait for you here, so don't worry, and take your time."

A part of me didn't want to return, nor did I want to spend more time in this castle. I stood up before bending down to pick up my staff.

Emmeryn interrupted me by grabbing my shoulder with an apologetic smile. "You can leave it here. Go."

My hand hovered over the holster, my fingers eagerly waiting to grab it, but I eventually relented. "Fine, I'll be right back."

Emmeryn's expression fell. "And don't dwell on my question too much. It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable."

Too late.

Bitter thoughts kept piling up on top of each other, but snapping at Emmeryn wouldn't solve the issue. Honestly, I didn't know if I hated her for bringing it up, or myself for my lack of conviction.

With a tired sigh, I left the staff on the ground and followed the maid through the castle corridors. I expected them to be filled with ornamental flowers and furniture, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. A simple red carpet sprawled over the corridor while chandeliers illuminated every nook and cranny, revealing dust settling on the floor.

Eventually, the maid stopped next to a set of doors before pulling out a massive metal ring adorned with several keys. While she worked on opening the lock, a family portrait hanging on the wall caught my eye, depicting a family of four. However, only the father was present with his three children.

I immediately knew whose portrait it was, but the painting held no warmth.

Its colors had lost their sheen due to the sunlight piercing through the massive windows, and no one seemed bothered enough to maintain the piece. The people's faces were pale and no one wore a smile, as if they all were forced to stay in that position in each other's company for too long.

Immediately, a part of me presumed it was the father's fault, and upon closer inspection, I even noticed a clean tear from something sharp across the father's stomach.

A soft click brought my attention back to the maid, and she beckoned me inside. "After you, Lady Theresa. You can freely wash yourself while I bring a new set of clothes."

I hummed in response as I entered the bathroom. "Thank you. Anything will do, just not a dress."

"Very well," the maid said with a bow before closing the doors behind her with a dull thud.

A long drawn-out sigh escaped my lips before I tilted my head from side to side. Just like the hallway, the place had little flourish and decorations. Only the bathtub steaming with hot water and the table next to it looked valuable, thanks to being made of high-quality white marble with a golden finish. Otherwise, this place didn't match the outer splendor of the castle, as if its beauty only mattered on the surface.

I'm reading way too much into this.

Once I found a clothing rack, I undressed my dirtied clothes and tied my hair into a bun before slowly sinking into the bathtub. A pleased hum escaped my lips when the hot soapy water embraced my skin, washing the accumulated grime away. It smelled pleasant and helped me relax from the grueling question Emmeryn had stabbed me with. However, no matter how much I tried to enjoy the bath, my mind always found a way to wander back to it.

I hugged my legs out of instinct and submerged my head halfway, my nose barely above the water's level. Why did you have to make me face it this early?

I thought that once I eased myself into this mess I would be able to think clearly, but now? Now, I was questioning every decision I'd made so far. Whether joining the Shepherds was a good idea, whether I'd made a fool of myself that I could be better, whether if…

If anything I accomplished held any meaning.

I knew I had no place on the battlefield, Farfort had made that clear, but did I want to be stuck inside an office, doing menial paperwork and counting stocks? It didn't matter how much Frederick or Robin argued the importance of such a job, in my world, it was reserved for people with no proficiency in a more intricate field.

Despite trying to become an architect, I still ended up with a job like this. Without modern tools and inventions, my knowledge was useless here, and any idea I'd set on the table would be labeled stupid or mad. Not to mention, who the hell would need an architect in an army anyway?

Even though I utilized the staff that I had come here with, the responsibility it brought would soon crush me under its weight. I couldn't trust myself enough with people's lives, even with my weird power to perform miracles. It was nothing but a gimmick that hid my incompetence and made me think I had potential.

In the end, I felt miserable, and it only accentuated my need to leave this place. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to, even if it didn't make the decision any easier.

A knock on the doors interrupted my train of thought and the maid entered with sets of clothes. "Excuse me."

She carefully laid them on a table next to the clothing rack before taking my dirtied clothes and gently folding them into a small pile. "Call for me should they not fit. I'll be waiting outside."

With a bow, she left as quickly as she'd entered, making me curious enough to get out of the bathtub and check the clothes out.

The maid had brought three sets just as I'd asked her, and all seemed like comfortable-looking uniforms instead of frilly dresses. They had little flare and were soft enough to the touch.

The one that caught my eye the most had a similar colour scheme to my original clothes. A short-sleeved deep blue t-shirt with a knee-long mini skirt. It also complimented my boots.

After I dried myself off, I slipped into the new clothes, and they were… a little tight. I was pretty sure the problem wasn't because the clothes were small, but because I simply wasn't fit enough to wear them. Hopefully, they wouldn't rip apart once I sat down.

Once I saw myself in the mirror, a thought struck me. This uniform was eerily similar to what Sumia was usually wearing, minus the armour and gauntlets. While I didn't know how I felt about taking a uniform like this, it was much more comfortable than the hoopskirt Lissa usually compelled me to wear.

I loosened the belts around my waist to help me breathe better and knocked on the doors. They immediately opened and the maid stood still behind them with her hands folded together. "Are the clothes to your liking?"

I nodded. "They fit well. Thank you."

"Good to hear," she said neutrally as if it didn't matter what I'd say about them. She turned around, facing the way we'd come from. "Then let's not keep Her Grace waiting any further."

Without waiting for me to comply, she set off toward the balcony and all I could do was to tail her. I didn't know whether she didn't want to deal with me, or preferred not to waste time. Either way, there was no point in small talk, and I eventually found myself back in front of the doors leading towards the balcony. The maid promptly opened them, and Emmeryn didn't move from her spot.

She turned around and immediately smiled, but it didn't feel warm to me anymore. "Are you feeling better?"

The doors behind me closed with a dull thud, and the air became suffocating. I knew she wasn't the source of my turmoil, but being its perpetrator didn't help either.

A neutral frown formed on my face. "How do you think I feel?"

Her lips pursed. "Hurt, betrayed, lost… many things come to mind; all of which I understand. I was hoping for a casual conversation and only wedged us apart instead. It wasn't my intention to do so."

I clicked my tongue. "I know you weren't, but prying into my private matters certainly didn't make it so."

"At least now I know," her hand beckoned at the table. "Do you still want to sit down and talk things out?"

"If you'll excuse me, I'd rather not, Your Grace."

She visibly cringed, and her brow furrowed. "Please, Theresa, at least drop the honorifics. Unless this is your way of paying me back."

"I just want some time alone, that's all." I reached my seat and bent down to pick up my staff. Once I strapped it behind my back, I turned to face the doors. "I guess you'll call me once my old clothes are clean?"

Emmeryn opened her mouth to speak, only for it to clap shut. "Is this truly the way you want to end our teatime?"

"I'm not comfortable enough to stay here," I said before gritting my teeth. "In no small part thanks to you."

"You do realize that running away will only delay the inevitable. You'll have to make a choice eventually, and if I can help you in any way, I'll gladly lend an ear."

"But I'm not ready yet!" I shouted while turning to face her with a swish, making Emmeryn flinch. "How many signs do you need to understand!?"

I stomped towards her with a snarl on my face, and she backed away until she leaned against the balcony's railing. "I'm not the kind of a person you think I am! I'm selfish, paranoid, and most importantly, weak! Do you even realize how much I'm struggling with myself right now!? And you dare to ask a question that has never crossed my mind when I already have too many things to deal with!?"

She grabbed the ends of her robes defensively. "Theresa, please calm down. Getting angry won't solve anything."

"You think I don't know that?" I shot back before grabbing Emmeryn's collar. "But it's the only way I can have some sense of control; when someone doesn't expect a weak old me to lash out. It's—," my breath hitched. "It's the only thing I'm good at."

To my surprise, Emmeryn wasn't struggling under my grip. Instead, her expression hardened and she momentarily raised her hand with an open palm before lowering it. "Is this how you truly feel?"

I snarled. "Yeah."

She closed her eyes. "Then never did I hear such a ridiculous lie in my life."

My entire body flinched. The hand holding Emmeryn loosened, and at that moment, two gauntlets interlocked my chest and right arm in a tight grip before pulling me away from her. "I will admit, this was the last thing I expected you to do."

A wheeze escaped my mouth before my eyes shot wide open. I snapped my head to the side, only to see a beauty mark on a woman's face with teal hair tied into a bun. "P-phila?"

"I said I was Her Grace's retainer, didn't I?" she said matter-of-factly. "To think you had the gall—"

"Phila, please," Emmeryn exclaimed solemnly while adjusting her robes. "Be gentle. She's done nothing wrong."

"I'd like to think otherwise." Phila tightened her grip on me, and the gauntlets squeezed my body, making me grunt. "You do realize assaulting the Exalt is an offense punishable by death, right?"

"Phila," the sheer authority Emmeryn called out caused Phila to loosen ever-so-slightly, but not enough for me to move. "Let her go. Theresa is already having a bad day, there's no need to make it worse with threats."

"But Your Grace—!"

"I told you to let her go. I will not repeat myself."

A low groan escaped Phila's mouth before she released me from her grip, causing me to gasp for air. I could barely stand on my two legs, but like hell I would spend time here getting my bearings. I wasn't welcome here anyway.

"And just as you said, I will give you a word once your clothes have been sufficiently cleaned." Somehow, she still found a reason to smile at me. "I hope next time we speak, it'll be under better circumstances."

I didn't say anything or bow. Those were nothing but empty words in my ears, and instead, I stormed out of the balcony in a brisk walk. My head snapped back just to make sure Phila or the maid weren't tailing me.

Once I'd made sure I was alone, a silent scream escaped my mouth.

Out of frustration, I punched the wall next to me, letting the impact spread across my entire body. The sizzling pain in my fingertips helped me calm down before my hand fell limp.

I really hate myself right now.

The moment I realized the situation could have been easily avoided with a normal conversation instead of spouting random nonsense, I felt extremely guilty.

"Damn it," I hissed under my breath, unwilling to even dare to go back and apologize for my behavior. "How petty of me."

What was I so extremely afraid of anyway? Emmeryn would laugh it off if I said a simple 'sorry'. She wouldn't hold a grudge, unlike me, but it couldn't be out of pride alone. Was it stubbornness, or straight-up childishness?

Whatever the case might be, I needed to leave.

Once I set foot inside the castle corridors, though, I got lost immediately. No matter which turn I took or which door I opened, they never let me outside or into the garden. The hallways looked the same, the carpet looked the same, and even the damn chandeliers looked the same.

I had no markers to remember which way I came and which I didn't, and my pride refused to find anyone to help me out.

Eventually, I stumbled upon a massive library, filled to the brim with bookshelves and a counter next to the entrance. The librarian was sleeping like a rock behind the counter and didn't notice me. I even tapped against the wooden surface he had his face smushed in, but he didn't stir.

I looked back at the massive bookshelves before nodding to myself.

Maybe finding a good book will help me relax a little.

{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}{*}

"I told you, Frederick. If we hadn't baited the bandits into attacking, Farfort would have bled dry," I argued while pinching the bridge of my nose. "Civilian casualties would have ended up much higher. In fact, nothing would be left of that town if we hadn't intervened."

"You're missing the bigger picture, sir Robin," Frederick sternly interjected before tapping a document in his hand. "Have you seen how many complaints the mayor has sent us because of your actions? If it weren't for milord's grace, I would have thrown you out of the Shepherds immediately."

I frowned. "And what is this… 'bigger picture'? We've statistically saved a lot more people in the long run."

"Shepherds are just that, shepherds to flock the sheep," Frederick slammed the paper against my wooden table, causing the plank to crack. "And it is our duty to protect them, not use them as bait. Learn from this experience, because if you don't, milord's protection will only get you so far."

I clicked my tongue. "Frederick, you know saving everyone is a naive view. People will die whether we like it or not."

"I stand by what I said," he stated before facing me with his back, ready to leave my office. "I pray you won't use us as bait in any future skirmishes."

He closed the doors behind me with a loud thud, knocking one of my paper towers onto the ground, spilling everywhere. A groan escaped my lips before I picked up the crumbled paper Frederick left on my table. It was filled to the brim with those complaints—both from the mayor and the devastated families.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes before burning the paper over a candle. "Talk to me again when their opinion actually starts to matter."

I had more important business to attend to, such as restocking our supplies. We handed out more vulneraries than I would have liked to the people of Farfort, even though with so few gems for our staves, it had to be done.

After I quickly scribbled down the necessary amount, I took the paper with me and aimed for Theresa's office, absentmindedly stepping over the stack of papers Frederick knocked down. While I knew Theresa went to meet the Exalt, the sun was already setting, so she should have been back by now.

When she didn't answer the doors, I took the liberty to get in. Contrary to what I'd expected, it was empty. The ink bottle she usually left uncorked was closed and the candle she lent wasn't even lit.

"They sure are taking their time, alright." With a shake of my head, I closed the doors behind me.

When I tried to return to my place, Lissa was coincidentally aiming for Theresa's office as well, and had a small tray of food in her hands.

"Oh, Robin," she exclaimed with a bright smile. "Come to check on Theresa, have you?"

I couldn't help but smile as well. Her joy was contagious. "Yeah, but she hasn't returned from her teatime with the Exalt yet."

Her brow furrowed. "She hasn't? But it's well past evening. My sister doesn't usually keep a new Shepherd around for that long."

"Maybe they hit it off better than I expected," I remarked before looking down at her tray. "And this is…?"

"This is just to make sure Theresa is eating well enough," she stated. "Can't count how many times she skipped lunch just because she wanted to fill papers instead of her stomach."

My eyes twitched. "Y-yeah, sure. That's a problem, alright. Anyway, how about we check on her? Even if she was able to get to the barracks drunk, that castle is a maze even she can't beat."

"I mean, I'm pretty sure Emmeryn would send someone to help her," she said before her eyes began to glint. "But maybe a small surprise like us could help lighten her up. She needs it right now."

Ah, right. That was her first real battle, after all.

I didn't have the time to console her because I had way too much paperwork to fill, thanks to the mayor and his bothersome complaints. Of course, not all of it was because of him, but I wasn't expecting to work on construction plans of all things.

"Lead the way then."

Lissa eagerly nodded. "Just give me a moment. I'll quickly leave this in her office as a small present."

Despite the hoopskirt weighing her down, it was honestly surprising how quickly she left and came back. I didn't understand how anyone could walk in that cage, let alone run. At least I was glad that I would never wear such a thing.

As soon as she returned, we marched to the castle's outer gate, but by the time we got there, it was already quite dark. The guards even got us a torch after we were allowed inside.

I expected us to enter the castle from the front, but Lissa grabbed my free hand. "Let's go this way. It leads directly into Emmeryn's quarters."

"Oh," I exclaimed. "Right, they probably aren't outside anymore."

Lissa hummed before leading me through the palace gardens. While I found it odd that the place was so well-kept, I realized many people would only see the outside of the castle. It was important to ensure it was pleasing to the eye at the expense of the interior.

It was a fragile image.

"Alright, now we just need to turn here, and—," Lissa paused before she tilted toward the garden. I followed her gaze, and to my surprise, Chrom was practicing his swings in the middle of a grass patch. It was beaten to the point he'd made a dirt circle around him with not a single blade of grass.

"Chrom? What are you doing here?" Lissa called out, causing Chrom to flinch. The rhythm he'd found abruptly halted, making him falter at the last swing. He buckled before breathing a sigh of relief.

"Don't scare me like that, Lissa," he said before his eyes landed on me. "Oh, Robin. You're here too."

A chuckle escaped my lips. "Thanks for noticing me, but back to the question at hand. What are you doing here? Practicing should be left inside the barracks, not here out in the open."

"Yes, but…" Chrom paused before a groan escaped his lips. "I just had a few unpleasant thoughts that needed venting."

"By destroying the grass field?" Lissa remarked before crossing her arms. "You know Emm told you many times already to not make the gardeners' job any harder."

"I know, but the fight back at Farfort left way too many questions in my head," he explained, and my lips pursed.

"You've noticed it too, haven't you?" I half-asked, and Chrom nodded.

"Yeah, they were too coordinated to be just an average band of bandits." He hissed. "Not to mention they were from Plegia too."

"What?" Lissa exclaimed, color draining from her face. "But… that doesn't make any sense! Why would they need to raid us when we're already sending them enough food!? Emm made that deal with Gangrel in exchange for not invading us, right!?"

"Apparently, those resources weren't enough to stop them from doing just that," Chrom explained. "And part of me thinks Gangrel has a hand in it too. How shameless can he be?"

"I wouldn't write it off as his fault alone," I chimed in, and couldn't help but glare at Chrom. "Famines across Plegia are a regular occurrence, and your father only worsened the issue with his… crusade. Gangrel's actions are partially justified."

"I know my father was a zealot, but ravaging our homeland just for a few extra crops doesn't help anybody," Chrom stated, matching my glare. "I thought you'd see it the same way as I do, Robin."

A sigh escaped my lips. "I said 'partially', didn't I? While I understand Gangrel's desperation to feed the mouths of many, this is certainly not the way to do so. But tell that to the masses who want nothing more than to see the entirety of Ylisse burn in hellfire while keeping their stomachs full. They only see it as hitting two birds with one stone."

Chrom stepped forward, leaving only a few inches between us. "That still isn't a good enough reason to sympathize with him!"

"I can sympathize with him more than I ever would with your father when everything he caused was under a false pretense."

"Alright, that's enough, you two!" Lissa barged in and separated us with both hands. "We're not here to discuss politics or old wounds, okay? Let's just all agree that what Gangrel is doing is wrong, and we'll do something about it later. Right now, me and Robin need to find Theresa. She hasn't come to the barracks yet."

"Wait, what?" Chrom exclaimed, his eyes widening. "But Emm is already in her quarters. Her teatime with Theresa ended a few hours ago."

Now it was our turn to be surprised, and Lissa voiced our question first. "But then… have you seen her? If she isn't in the barracks—?"

Suddenly, a rustle from one of the bushes interrupted Lissa, and we all snapped our heads towards the garden. Then, a set of daggers flew out of the bush, aiming directly at Lissa.

"Watch out!" Chrom shouted, pushing his sister away, only for the daggers to find a different mark; his extended right hand. He cried in pain as they easily pierced through his skin, completely immobilizing his limb.

The shock I felt was quickly replaced with a snarl. My hand immediately grabbed the tome under my cloak and I shot a ball of flames at the place where the daggers had come from, immediately lighting the bush on fire. Screams reached my ears, but before I knew it, another perpetrator dashed from one of the trees, aiming directly at me.

I didn't have the time to launch another spell, so out of desperation, I tore a page out of my tome and threw it at the assassin. Before their blade could sink into my body, the crumbled paper exploded right in front of their face, blasting both me and them away from one other.

My back hit the wall with a dull thud, knocking the air out of my lungs, and before I could lift myself back up, everything turned black.

AN: I'm genuinely suprised how quickly this chapter was finished. To be fair, it is a prelude to something big; all of you already know, so it was simpler to write. Of course, I can't post a chapter without mentioning Cavik. He is always a great help making sure these chapters are cleaned up and not an eyesore to read.

I don't have much else to add, so thank you for reading today's chapter.

God's speed.