Chapter 10

The call came exactly a week later. Sunday.

I had been living in the beach house for one week. I was watching a movie and painting my toes on the floor of the living room when my phone buzzes next to me. I knew it was him without having to look at it. My heart just knew. I quickly set the nail polish down and answer the call on the first ring.

"Hey." I breathe into the phone.

"Hey."

I had missed the sound of his voice. It was a voice I had grown up with. A voice I knew well.

"You called." I say, unable to keep the smile off of my face.

"I called." I can hear the smile in his voice.

There was a pause.

"How- How's your Sunday?" I ask him first.

"It's good, it's good. Just listening to a lecture."

"Conrad, it's summer." I tease. "Studying should be illegal."

Conrad just laughs. "Trust me, you can never be too far ahead in medical school. There's always something to do. How is your Sunday?"

I look around the beach house, nodding. "Well, I'm all moved in."

"How is it?"

"It's great. Yeah."

"Why do you sound sad?"

"I'm not."

"Belly."

"Okay. It's just a little lonely…" I sigh into the phone. "But I'm not complaining. It's better than hearing Laurel and Cleveland have loud sex every night."

Conrad and I both laugh then the line goes quiet for a moment.

"I was going to call you sooner." He hesitates. "I just wanted to give you time to move and-"

"Conrad, it's okay." I smile. "We're talking now. That's what matters."

I knew he was smiling on the other end too.

Then he says, "I guess I'll have to call you more so you don't get lonely."

I blush. "I guess so."

There is another slight pause.

"How's things on your end?" I clear my throat. "How is work?"

"Some days are longer than others but I'm learning a lot. I like the research lab but I can't wait to be actually working with people." He says and the excitement in his voice is adorable.

"I can't believe you're going to be a doctor." I smile, picturing him in a white coat with dark locks framing his face. "I'm proud of you."

Conrad smiles ear to ear and laughs nervously. "What about you? How's job hunting?"

"It's… tough out here." I sigh.

Conrad laughs. "It can't be that bad."

"Oh, it is." I laugh, staring at the ceiling. "I'm great at landing interviews, it's the landing the job part that is another story."

"You've only been there for a week, Belly." Conrad laughs. "It takes time. You'll find something."

"I don't have time." I roll my eyes, sarcastically. "My mom won't leave me alone about it. At this point, I should just work at Mcdonald's so I can tell her I got a job and she'll get off my back."

"Belly." Conrad laughs.

"What? You know my mom. She can be so… intense." I throw my free hand in the air.

"Because she wants the best for you?"

I laugh. They had always been close. My mom and Conrad. He didn't get it.

"You've always been on her side." I tease him. "I don't know why I'm talking about this to you."

There is a slight pause on his end.

"You can talk to me about anything, Belly." Conrad says and my heart swells for him. "I'll always listen."

I knew he meant it and it felt nice to have someone to talk to. But more than that, it felt even better to talk the way we used to. I had missed our talks on the phone. I blush, looking down at my fresh pedicure. It was a dark navy blue for the Fourth of July coming up.

"Are you still coming for the Fourth?" I ask him. My voice sounded too eager. Too excited.As amazing as it was being in the beach house for the summer, it was lonely. I was looking forward to the holiday weekend with everyone. I wasn't used to being in this house full of memories all by myself.

"I just found out I'm scheduled to work that day…"

"Oh…" I swallow. "Wow, that blows. Like really blows."

"Yeah." Conrad agrees. "It does..."

I was sad he wasn't coming but I knew it wasn't his fault his work scheduled him. I tried my best to not show the disappointment in my voice but I wasn't fooling anyone.

"Well, it won't be the same without you but we'll send pictures of the fireworks and everything." I nod. "I hope you have fun whatever you do."

Conrad starts to laugh out of nowhere.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm kidding, Belly." Conrad teases me. "No one works that day. I'll be there. I promise."

It became tradition: Conrad and I talking on the phone every Sunday. His calls always came in the afternoon or evening. Sometimes we would text but calls were more of our thing. And no matter how busy he was, he made time for me. He even started to call me during the week on random lunch breaks or in between running errands. It was like he couldn't wait to get off of work and talk to me. And the feeling was mutual because I couldn't wait to talk to him either. We were little by little letting each other in again.

Sundays slowly became my favorite day of the week.

Conrad:

After my shift in the lab, I walk outside to call her. Her contact wasn't hard to find. Her number was saved in my favorites now, right above Laurel's. I put my phone up to my ear and wait for her to pick up. When she doesn't, I take it as a good sign. She could be in the middle of a job interview or something important. I decide to text her instead.

Conrad:

Call me when you can. And if you're in a job interview, good luck. I believe in you. Talk soon.

"Conrad?"

I look up from my phone to see familiar blonde hair. Her hair was longer now and she was wearing a white lab coat that drowned her. I hadn't seen her in years. She walks up to me.

"Agnes." I say, awkwardly. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I work here now." She points back towards the lab.

"Since when?"

I hadn't seen her around the lab but I also didn't go out of my way to look at or flirt with girls.

"Yesterday." Agnes nods. "They said they could use the help and I was desperate so I took it."

I nod and we exchange an awkward silence.

"How are you?" Agnes purses her lips. "It's been awhile."

"I'm good." I say as I feel my phone buzz in my hand.

Agnes sees Belly's picture and name light up the screen. She raises her brow at the phone then up at me. She recognizes the name and laughs.

"Is that who I think it is?" She teases.

"You remember?"

"Oh please." Agnes laughs. "You broke my heart in that library. Of course I remember your first love's name."

I look at her. Agnes always caught me off guard. I'm about to say sorry when she puts her hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay, Conrad. You don't have to apologize for anything. You can't fake feelings." She shrugs. "I've moved on. You've moved on. It was a long time ago. We can be friends."

The phone continues to buzz in my hand and she lets my shoulder go.

"It's good to see you, Agnes." I nod, unsure what else there was to say.

"You too." Agnes waves. "See you around."

We both turn to walk in the opposite direction and I put the phone up to my ear, craving to hear my girl's voice.

"Hey, you." I smirk into the phone.

The Fourth of July was less than a week away. Everyone would be coming into town in a few days and I had big plans to decorate the house like Susannah used to do. I couldn't wait to see the look on everyone's faces, especially my mom's. It would be a weekend to remember.

"What do you think?" I ask Conrad on speaker phone. "Red flowers or white flowers for the front porch?"

Conrad laughs. "I don't think I'm the right person to ask."

"Hey, I remember our shopping trip to Michael's." I tease him. "You were very helpful."

Conrad laughs on the other line then answers me. "White. It's classy."

"It's also the color of weddings." I scrunch my nose. "Will it look too… formal?"

Conrad laughs. "Whatever you want, Belly."

I hear Conrad's roommate barge into his room. He asks Conrad about the beer in the fridge. Conrad tells him to go ahead and drink the rest. Loud music was playing in the background. His roommate loved to throw house parties. He was quite the social butterfly.

"Hey, Nate." I greet Conrad's roommate. We had talked on the phone a few times.

"What's up, Belly Bell Bells?" Nate teases me. He sounds drunk.

"You sound like you're having fun." I laugh.

"Yeah, when are you going to come join us?" Nate laughs, moving closer to the phone. "Conrad can't keep his girlfriend away forever."

Conrad says something to Nate in the background. I blush at the word girlfriend.

"Girlfriend?" I hear another guy yell over the music in the background. "Conrad has a girlfriend? I fucking knew it!"

More voices enter Conrad's room to tease him and I can't help but laugh. I can't make out who is talking until I hear Conrad's voice.

"She's not my girlfriend." I hear Conrad say and even though he isn't wrong, his words still sting.

"Okay…" The guy laughs. "Then is she single?"

I hear Conrad say something to him. It didn't sound nice.

Nate laughs, swigging a beer. "Told you it's his girlfriend."

"Did I hearrrr the word girlfrienddd?" A girl walks in.

Nate laughs. "Yup. Say hi to Con's girlfriend!"

"Isabelllll? Hiiii." The girl keeps slurs her words. It catches me off guard that she calls me by my birth name. Everyone always calls me Belly. "Conrad has told me so muchhhh about youuu."

"He has?" Nate looks at her, hurt that Conrad hadn't opened up to him first.

Before I can say anything, Conrad speaks up. He sounds annoyed as he orders them away. "Nate. Agnes. Can you please take the party elsewhere? Some of us are trying to study."

Agnes? He knew her name? Why was this the first time I was hearing about her? And what had he said to her about me? A wave of jealousy washes over me as I sit there and listen.

"Since when does studyinggg involve calling your girlfriendd?" Agnes laughs at Conrad.

"Yeah, we're not leaving until Belly Bell Bells tells us when she is coming to visit." Nate laughs. "Right, Agnes?"

Agnes laughs with Nate. "Yuppp."

I had never given much thought to Conrad's roommate, Nate, or the parties Nate liked to throw. Conrad wasn't a social butterfly or a flirt like Nate was. I guess it had never bothered me because I trusted Conrad. But right now it was all I could think about. I imagine all the girls they invited to their parties. Girls that were probably very pretty. Girls that would get drunk and probably throw themselves at Conrad. Girls that were his age. Smarter. Older. Prettier. Better.

Agnes and Nate tease Conrad more but I'm not listening. My mind is elsewhere. Like a record player that is stuck playing the same note over and over except my brain was replaying a memory instead. The night of the frat party years ago. The night I had found out about Jeremiah and Lacie. Where all of my trust issues began. For some reason, the feeling in my gut I had that night was similar to the one I was feeling now. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"I'm going to let you go." I say, my voice shaking. "I need to run to the store for something."

Conrad is quiet for a moment with the exception of the voices and loud music in the background. I knew he wasn't buying it. I can hear Nate and Agnes laughing in the background. Her laugh sounds pretty and it makes everything worse.

"Belly, no stores are open this late." Conrad finally says something.

He was right. It was a Sunday night. But I didn't care. My brain couldn't think of a better excuse. It was too busy trying to block out the memories of that one night. A night I had blocked out.

"I'll talk to you later." I say and I don't wait for his answer. I quickly end the call.

For the rest of the night, all my mind can think about is the random girl named Agnes inside Conrad's apartment. Maybe it was Nate's new girlfriend I told myself. Or a mutual friend from medical school. How else would she know about me? Maybe it was all innocent and I was overreacting. But if there was nothing to hide, why hadn't Conrad told me about her? I knew most of his friends by now and he had never mentioned her name. I don't even think Conrad talked to Nate about me. That entire phone conversation wasn't sitting right with me.

Once you get cheated on, it sticks with you. You're never the same person again. You never forget that sinking feeling. That punch in the gut when you find out someone lied to you. Betrayed you. Cheated on you. And right now, I was feeling crushed. Absolutely crushed. Had Conrad lied to me? Who was she? What was going on? I had no answers to go off of. Only doubts and fears. I felt physically ill and sick to my stomach. He wouldn't hurt me like that. I knew him. But then again, I thought I had known Jeremiah too.

That night, I pull myself together. I had no right to even feel this way. We weren't even a couple. Like Conrad said, I wasn't his girlfriend. He was free to do as he pleased and so was I. I had no right to be mad or sad or hurt about anything. Because Conrad wasn't even mine. But it was hard to convince my heart of that.

Hours after I've finally cried myself to sleep, Conrad sends me a text.

Conrad:

I'm sorry about earlier. I just wanted you to know that. Sleep well, Belly.

We don't talk for the next few days. He reaches out and texts me but I can't bring myself to reply. I wasn't trying to punish him or ignore him. I just needed space. I just needed time to process everything. I needed to focus my energy elsewhere. I wasn't going to spend my summer like this.

I keep myself busy leading up to the Fourth of July. I apply to countless jobs. I find Susannah's old decorations in the garage and decorate the front porch with red flowers. Not white. I decorate and tidy the house. I take care of the garden and yard. The house was a lot of work and upkeep but I was happy to do it. It was my job to take care of this place for the summer and I took it seriously. I knew it would make my mom proud. And having a routine kept me sane. I would have breakfast outside in the mornings. Sometimes I'd wake up early and catch the sunrise. Then I would apply to jobs. Cross off all of my chores for the day. Apply to more jobs. Cook dinner and watch a movie or tv show. Then end it all with a late night swim. Rinse and repeat. It wasn't a bad way to spend the summer. I felt like I was getting my life back on track.

It was two nights before the Fourth of July and I was feeling accomplished. I had gotten everything done I had wanted to get done. Everyone would be arriving in the next few days. The house was decked out in Fourth of July decor and I had just come back inside from a late night swim. The house looked almost identical to how Susannah used to go all out for us when we were kids. If I closed my eyes, it was like Susannah was here dancing around in the kitchen but then I'd open my eyes and she was gone. She was everywhere and nowhere all at once.

Finally, there is a knock at the door and I skip over to it, starving. It was the pizza delivery driver. I did my best to not eat out since I was unemployed but tonight I was too tired to make anything. I had been doing chores for most of the day. Sometimes you just need a pizza and a coke. I wrap my beach towel around my waist and open the door, ready to give the driver his tip.

But it wasn't the pizza delivery driver. I lower the cash in my hands as soon as I see him.

It was Conrad. We stare at each other. His eyes look tired and red. Almost as if he'd been crying.

"Conrad?" I blink. "I thought you weren't flying in until this weekend…"

"I decided to drive." His voice sounds distant.

"You drove here?"

That must have taken him hours and hours. Right as I'm about to reply, the pizza delivery driver pulls into the driveway. Of course he shows up now. I sigh then look at Conrad.

"Um, come in." I open the door wide for him. "I'll be right back."

I walk right past him to greet the delivery driver. He was a kid around our age. Maybe younger. He hands me the pizza box and checks me out. It hits me that I'm still wearing my bikini with a towel wrapped around my waist. Conrad had been looking at me funny too.

"Keep the change." I hand him the tip.

"Thanks." He grins. "Have a good night, Miss Fisher."

"Oh, I'm not..." I laugh. "Just call me Belly."

Susannah's name must still be attached to this address in their system.

He flashes a white smile against his tan skin. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Belly."

"Have a good night."

"You too." He winks as he walks back to his car.

When I turn back around with the pizza box in my hands, Conrad is still standing where I left him on the porch. He had been watching the whole time. He watches the kid get into his car and for a minute, he almost looks jealous. But he had no right to be I thought to myself. We're not together.

"Hungry?" I avoid his eyes as I walk past him to go inside.

He follows me to the kitchen and I set the pizza box on the counter. I immediately crack open a coke can from the fridge. I take a large swig and wait for him to say something. Anything. But he doesn't and as time passes, I grow frustrated with him. The tension between us was palpable.

"Are you going to tell me why you drove all this way?" I stare at the coke can.

"I couldn't sleep." Conrad looks down.

"You know, there is something called Melatonin right?" I glare at him, sipping my coke.

"I couldn't sleep after what happened the other night." Conrad's eyes flash to mine. "So I got in my car and I drove straight here."

I look down at the pizza box, no longer feeling hungry. I didn't want to think about him and Agnes right now.

"Conrad, it's fine." I set down my coke on the counter, closing my eyes.

"No." He says and I open my eyes to look at him.

"It's not fine." He shakes his head at me. "Don't do that thing where you act like you're fine when you're not. It kills me."

I bite my lip to keep the hurt from showing. We study each other for a moment.

"What do you want, Conrad?" I look at him.

"I just want to talk about this the right way." Conrad steps closer. "Face to face."

I cross my arms, creating a physical barrier between us. "Okay. Then let's talk."

Conrad nods and gives me the floor. "Okay. You first."

He knew I had been holding back. He knew I was upset. I didn't even know where to start.

"Why didn't you tell me about Agnes?" I shoot him a look. "You've never mentioned her name. Not even once."

Conrad's eyebrows knit together as he looks down. I immediately felt sick to my stomach all over again. His face said it all.

"Whatever you're thinking…" He looks back up at me, shaking his head. "You're wrong."

"Really? Because she knew my name and said she's heard so much about me."

Conrad looks down again.

"How do you know her?" I shake my head at him. "Just tell me the truth, Conrad."

"We dated in undergrad." Conrad looks back up at me. "It was a long time ago and I broke it off."

So Agnes wasn't a mutual friend. She was an ex-girlfriend. That was even worse.

"Then why did you invite her over?" I grow angry. "Why was she even there-"

"Nate invited her. She works at the lab and Nate likes her." Conrad interrupts me, looking into my eyes. "I didn't even know she was coming. I swear to you, Belly."

"I just don't understand why you kept this from me. That's what hurts." I glare at him.

"She just started at the lab last week." Conrad shrugs. "I didn't think it was important."

"But you dated her." I shake my head. "You know all of my exes..."

"Belly…" Conrad steps closer, searching my eyes. "I wasn't trying to lie to you or keep it a secret. I see how it looks that way but you have to believe me."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe he didn't mean to keep it hidden from me. I wanted to believe he would never hurt me like that. But I had been here before. I had trusted Jeremiah and look where that got me. I would never put myself in that same position again.

"It's okay, Conrad." I feel the hurt in my heart rise in my chest. "It's not like we're a thing."

Conrad blinks in disbelief at what I'm saying.

"Forget it." I shake my head. The hurt was written all over my face.

"Say it." He looks at me.

"I think you said it best yourself that night." I look at him. "I'm not even your girlfriend so this doesn't even matter."

Conrad's face drops and I leave him in the kitchen. I make my way outside, walking fast. I didn't know where I was going. Anywhere was better than being in that kitchen.

"Belly, wait!" Conrad comes after me.

"No, I'm tired of waiting for you!"

There was a pause but he continues to follow me.

"Do you really think I would have driven all this way if I cared about her?" Conrad demands and his voice sounds strained. "Do you really think I would hurt you like that?"

"I don't know, Conrad." I turn to face him. "Would you?"

I regret my words as soon as I see his expression. Here we go again. Hurting each other. It was what we did best. Tears begin to fill my eyes. Hold it, I tell myself. Just hold it.

"I would never cheat on you, Belly." Conrad shakes his head at me with hurt in his eyes. "I never even looked at another girl when we were together. You know that. I'm not my brother."

The Jere line strikes a nerve. He was throwing my past in my face but I guess I deserved it after throwing his own words back in his face. I just shake my head at him.

"Well, it's a good thing we're not together then."

"Why are you acting like this?" He demands. He was looking at me like he didn't know who I was. I don't even think I recognized myself either. The hurt was taking over.

"Like what?" I glare at him.

"Like we don't care about each other when we do." He searches my eyes.

His eyes scared me. There was an intensity behind them in that moment. But I couldn't let myself get sucked into them. I couldn't just forgive him that easily. I find myself doing the only thing I can think to do. I run away from him. My legs move so fast my towel comes undone around my waist and it falls into the sand. I couldn't breathe. I needed fresh air. I needed the ocean waves to swallow me and take me away. Tears stream down my cheeks as I think about his words and the way he was looking at me. It was too much. It was all too much. I wanted to believe him. I really did but my heart wouldn't allow it. I couldn't trust anything he says.

When I reach the shore, I try to catch my breath. I was in my bikini now and it was freezing. My hair dances in the wind as I look out at the water. It was luring me in.

"Belly!" I hear him approach me. "You can't just ignore me forever. We have to talk about this."

"Stop telling me what to do!" I say without turning around. I didn't want him to see that I was crying but my voice was already giving it away.

"Belly." His voice gets closer. "Step away from the water. I mean it."

"Why?" I choke. "What do you care?"

"Who says I don't care?" Conrad says to my back. "Have you even been listening to anything I've been saying?"

"Stop it already!" I turn around to face him. "Stop acting like you care!"

"Belly, please…" Conrad steps closer. He was being so calm it was making everything worse.

"Stop acting like we're something when we're not! Don't you get it?" My mouth was running like a faucet and I couldn't turn it off. "We never were anything and we never will be!"

The silence was deafening. Conrads looks at me as if the wind was knocked out of him. My chest rises and falls as my body shivers from the cold, but also from the bitterness of my words. It was one of the worst moments of my life to watch his face drop like that and know I was the one responsible for it. It was the kind of words you can't take back. Words that I didn't mean but it was too late. I had said them. And they were hanging in the air between us.

Conrad looks at me with tears in his eyes. "Is that really how you feel?"

The hurt on his face makes me want to beg for forgiveness but even I knew I didn't deserve that right now. I turn around and put my back to him. Tears begin to stream down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things, Belly…" Conrad whispers into the cold air between us. I can hear the pain in his voice and I have to close my eyes because it hurts. "I'm sorry for not telling you about Agnes. I'm sorry that Jere hurt you so bad you feel like you can't trust anyone. I'm sorry that I've hurt you so bad. I'm sorry about everything." He looks down at the sand.

"But I'm not…" He starts to choke up and it's devastating. "But I'm not going to apologize for driving all this way to make things right and I'm not going to apologize for caring about you. I always have and I always will."

I open my eyes to look out at the ocean. I just focused on breathing. That was all I could do.

"Believe what you want but that's the truth. That's always been the truth." His voice sounds like he is on the verge of tears. "And when you're ready to talk, we'll talk. But I refuse to fight with you tonight, Belly. I'll see you in the morning."

I open my mouth to say something but when I turn around, he is gone. He is almost to the beach house and it breaks my heart to watch him walk away from me like that. He breaks his promise to me or maybe I had broken mine to him first. I drop to my knees in the sand and let it all out. I couldn't hold in my sobs anymore. I felt like I was losing him all over again. It felt worse than death. It felt like the day where he had said goodbye to me at my own wedding.

"Susannah…" I cry to the night sky, falling into the sand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What have I done?"

That night as I'm about to climb into my bed, my foot kicks something. I look down to see a box poking out from underneath my bed. It was the package Conrad had left me on the porch for my birthday. I still hadn't opened it. I had forgotten about it until now. I debate on throwing it into the ocean but something tells me not to. I kick the box further underneath my bed and climb into my bed with a heavy heart.

Conrad:

A Day Earlier

I'm sitting in the living room when Nate comes home from the gym with headphones around his neck. He walks into the kitchen to make his protein shake.

"Hey, did you happen to get us milk?" He asks as he opens the fridge.

"On the bottom shelf." I say as I scroll through photos on my phone.

"Everything okay?" I can feel his eyes on me and I nod.

Nate is quiet as he makes his protein shake then he joins me in the living room. He sits down on the couch and takes a sip. "Alright, dude. You've been off for days. What's up?"

"Nothing." I answer him.

"It's the girlfriend, isn't it?"

I look at him and he looks at me. Nate was smarter than I gave him credit for.

"She's not my girlfriend." I shake my head, looking back down at my phone.

"Right and I'm not hot." Nate says in a sarcastic tone and it gets a laugh out of me.

"If she's not your girlfriend then why are you staring at photos of her?" Nate brings his protein shake to his lips, amused. He takes a sip, silently judging me. I roll my eyes.

Shit. He must have seen my phone screen when he was in the kitchen. I click the side button on my phone so the screen goes dark and look out the window of our apartment.

"Talk to me, man. I'm really good with the girlfriend stuff." Nate winks. "I'm a ladies man."

I roll my eyes. "I don't need your advice on how to get chicks, Nate."

"Are you sure about that?" Nate laughs. "You haven't gone on any dates or slept with any girls. They flirt with you but you never flirt back. It might do you some good to-"

"Drunk and easy isn't everyone's type, Nate." I look back at him.

"No one is your type." Nate laughs, drinking his shake. "Unless their name is Belly Bell Bells."

I roll my eyes at his nickname for her, shaking my head.

"So did you two get into a huge fight?" Nate nods towards my phone.

"No."

"Did she get with someone?" He sips his protein shake.

"No." I scoff. "Belly's not like that."

"But I thought she wasn't your girlfriend." He teases. "It's not cheating if you're not together."

"No, it's not that." I look away.

"Then what is it?" Nate shrugs. "Come on, dude. Let it out."

I sigh then look back at him. "I think she thinks I cheated on her."

"What? With who? You never talk to girls." Nate laughs. "I have to beg you to come out with me."

"Agnes."

Nate tilts his head at me. "But you don't like her. I do."

"Exactly."

"Then you need to tell her." Nate says it like it's easy and obvious. "You need to tell Belly there is nothing going on between you and Agnes."

I look at him. "She won't even answer my texts, Nate. If I try to call her-"

"Fuck calling. You need to go to her, you idiot." Nate laughs. "Do you know anything about women?"

I glare at him.

"I'm joking." Nate laughs. "When do you see her next?"

"I don't fly out until the Fourth of July weekend."

"Honestly…" Nate clicks his tongue. "I don't think this is something that can wait."

I hate to admit it but Nate was right. Giving Belly space would just give her more time to think that I didn't care about her and that was the furthest thing from the truth.

"What if she doesn't want to see me?" I think out loud.

Nate laughs, standing up with his shake. "Conrad, stop making excuses. You have two options: you can either sit around and stare at her pictures on your phone. Or you can be a man and go tell her the truth. It's really that simple."

I watch him walk into the kitchen and an idea occurs to him. He leans across the counter, grinning. "You know what? I'll take care of your shifts at the lab. It's summer. Go see your girl, man."

"You would do that?" I look at him. He might have been the greatest roommate I'd ever had.

"Yeah, why not?" Nate pops a protein bar into his mouth. "It'll give me more time to make a move on Agnes."

I drive straight to Cousin's, only stopping for gas a few times. I wasn't dreading the long drive. It gave me time to think about what I wanted to say to her. If Belly really thought something was going on with Agnes, I knew this wouldn't be easy. It would be a hard conversation and I was scared of fucking it all up again but I also knew I could not live with myself if I didn't try.

A song plays on the radio and it's Cola by Camelphat and Elderbrook:

Got ready for the night and

She's heading for the lights

She sees the vision going

Copping line after line

See how she looks for trouble

See how she dances and

She sips a Coca-Cola

She can't tell the difference yet

That's what you're coming for, but

They don't want to let you in and

You drop your bag to the floor and

You're askin' what's happening

It's getting late now, hey now

Enough of the arguments

She sips the Coca-Cola

She can't tell the difference yet

It takes me hours and hours to get to Cousin's Beach but as soon as I see her car in the driveway, I'm home. I turn off the ignition and I take a deep breath before I knock on the front door. I look at the sign above it: Beck's House.

"Please help me, mom. Help me make things right." I whisper out loud, tearing up.

Conrad:

The Following Morning

I surf the next morning to get out of the house and to get out of my head. Last night was arguably one of the worst nights of my life. I wasn't prepared for how hurt Belly was. I thought we could make it through anything. I thought I could tell her everything and she would believe me. But the truth still hurts. I had never seen her in so much pain. I knew most of it stemmed from my brother but I hadn't seen the depth of her pain until last night and it fucking broke me. It was the only reason I could forgive her for what she had said to me. I knew Belly well and I knew deep down it wasn't about me. I knew she didn't mean it. And I had proof because she had been wearing the infinity necklace with her bikini. It was the first thing I saw when she had opened the door and saw me last night. We hadn't talked in days and she was still wearing it. That had to count for something.

After surfing, I take a hot shower and turn on the coffee maker. It was still early when I hear Belly make her way downstairs. Her steps were careful and deliberate. She was listening for me. I knew she was going to try to avoid me this morning. I take my coffee outside to give her space to freely roam around the kitchen. Minutes later, she surprises me when she comes outside and sits in the lounge chair next to mine.

"Morning." She mumbles.

She has a mug in her hands and she turns to face me in the lounge chair.

"I, uh, made this for you..." She holds out the mug to me.

She made me coffee? My eyes flash at the mug then back at her.

"I figured you could use a refill." She nods.

I accept the coffee and when I take the first sip, I immediately spit it out on the ground. I was used to black coffee, not whatever this was.

"Wow, that tastes…" I can't help but laugh. I look down at the mug not wanting to hurt her feelings. It was a sweet gesture; a peace offering. I didn't want to spoil it.

"As bad as the cocoa I made you that one Christmas?" She presses her lips together.

We both laugh, remembering that night by the fireplace. The cocoa. The snow on the beach. Our first time. I look at her then my mind remembers last night.

"Belly-" I break the silence first, setting down the mug but she immediately shakes her head.

"No, I should go first."

She takes a moment to compose herself then she looks at me.

"I'm really sorry about last night, Conrad. I was awful to you. I woke up feeling so… ashamed." She looks out towards the ocean. "I'm sorry for what I said to you and for the way I handled things. Even if there was something between you and her it's none of my business. It's not like I had any right-"

"Of course you did." I look at her.

Belly looks down. "Even if I did, it still doesn't justify what I did and what I said. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." I say and she looks at me. "I'm sorry for making you feel like you can't trust me."

Belly looks at me with sadness in her eyes and I want to take all of it away. I keep going.

"The only reason Agnes knows your name is because when we were seeing each other, she asked me if I had ever been in love." I look into her eyes. "And I said once. Then she asked me who it was. I told her your name. Isabel."

Belly's expression changes and I keep going.

"I shouldn't have kept it from you. I see that now but you have to believe me when I say I haven't even thought about her in years. That's the truth, Belly. There is nothing there."

We look at each other for a moment then Belly lets out a deep breath.

"I think this is one of the best conversations we've ever had." She smiles out at the ocean and I feel relieved.

We went from having one of our worst fights to one of our best talks. We were making progress.

"And I don't want them to stop. We have to talk. Even when it's hard." I look at her.

"Yeah." She nods, looking at me. "You're right."

She leans in to hug me and I sit up to hug her back. The tension and hurt from the night before melts away as I hold her in my arms.

"Who knew we were capable of communication?" Belly laughs into my shoulder as we hug.

"We've always been capable, Belly." I laugh. "You just can't ignore my texts or calls okay? I miss you when we don't talk."

She pulls away and a smile forms on her lips. "I miss you too. And deal." She holds out a hand.

"Deal." I hold her hand in mine instead of shaking it.

"Alright, well. I need your help with something today." She stands up, pulling me up with her. "I hope you don't mind if I put you to work."

I look at her. What was going on in that head of hers?

"I need your help with a few chores." She blushes. "You said I was banned from ladders forever, remember?"

We both laugh and everything feels right again with her hand in mine.

I put Conrad to work outside and come back inside to finish the cake. I hadn't even told Conrad I had baked one since we hadn't been talking until last night. It was a tradition Susannah used to do every year for Fourth of July barbeques and I was determined to keep the traditions alive. Although I was not even half the baker she was. After I chill the cake, I take it out to do the icing. I google instructions online. For some reason, this was the part I was most nervous about. Conrad rounds the corner as I get everything ready to pipe the icing.

"You made a cake?" He smirks, leaning against the archway with crossed arms. He was admiring me.

"Trying." I laugh. "It probably won't taste as good as your mom's."

"As long as you didn't mistake the sugar for salt, we should be good." He makes a joke about the time Steven and Jere did that. We both laugh and it puts me at ease.

"Here." He says, walking to me. "I can help you."

I raise a brow at him. "You know how to ice a cake?"

Conrad laughs. "When you grow up with my mom, you pick up on a few things. Here, I'll show you."

Conrad stands behind me and his arms directs mine. I can feel the heat radiating off of his skin and it's hard to not focus on the fact that he was practically hugging me as we iced the cake together. He shows me a technique Susannah used to do to make flowers out of icing. We line the outside perimeter of the cake with the flowers. Who knew piping could be so fun? I admire out work once we are done and lick some of the leftover icing with my fingers.

"It's perfect." I smile up at him. "Thank you."

Conrad made everything better. He was good at everything. Something I could never grow tired of when it came to him.

He looks at me under his long lashes and laughs. "You have some icing on your nose."

I turn towards him in his arms as he wipes away the frosting from my nose. His eyes hold mine and I can feel the heat radiating off of his skin again. This time, I don't fight it. He leans in closer and I wait for him to kiss me. He is about to when the front door swings open. Conrad and I both look at each other, startled. Footsteps approach the kitchen. They were early. A day early.

"Mom?" I call out. "I thought you weren't driving up until-"

I stop talking when I see who it is. It wasn't my mom. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't anyone I would have expected. It wasn't anyone who had been invited. It was Jeremiah.

He looks at all of the Fourth of July decorations all around the house and at the cake on the counter. I watch his face soften as he thinks about Susannah. I had decorated it almost identical to how she used to. And for a minute, I forget about all the pain Jeremiah has caused. All I see is a boy who lost his mom too soon. His eyes land on the two of us. The room is silent.

"What are you doing here?" Conrad stands up straight. His tone was so cold it gave me chills. I look at him then at Jere.

"Laurel invited me." Jeremiah says, looking at me.

Conrad looks at me then back at Jere. I stare at Jeremiah in shock. I wasn't expecting that.

"Does she know?" Conrad glares at him. "Does she know that you're engaged to the girl you cheated on Belly with?"

Jeremiah looks down. "No."

"Why not?" Conrad steps closer to Jere. "Why not share your good news, Jere?"

Jere glares at Conrad. "You're a real fucking asshole, you know that?"

"At least I'm not a liar." Conrad says.

"Really?" Jere looks at both of us. "I think you and Belly are the liars. You've been acting like we're all one big happy family and telling Laurel that everything is fine when it's not-"

"It's better than the alternative." Conrad hisses.

"Oh yeah?" Jeremiah steps forward. "What's that?"

"Telling Laurel would crush her, Jere. Just like it crushed Belly. I'm not going to put Laurel through that too." Conrad says and I look at him in shock then back at Jeremiah.

I saw it coming from a mile away. I knew they were going to fight. I knew it had been building up but I couldn't let it happen. I knew it was the worst thing to do – to come in between two people about to throw punches. But I'd rather risk myself getting hurt than watch the two of them hurt each other. I'd reached my breaking point. I wouldn't let them fight in front of me or over me. Never again.

"Enough!" I yell as I insert myself between them. I sandwiched myself in between them.

I face Jere and he lowers his fist. He doesn't look at me. He looks at Conrad with nostrils flaring.

"Belly, move." Jeremiah says, tight-lipped. They glare at each other.

"No." I say, looking up at him. He looks down at me, surprised I had stuck up to him.

"I'm not a little kid anymore." I shake my head. "You don't get to boss me around."

Jeremiah takes a step back and looks away, pressing his lips together.

"This has to stop!" I look at Conrad next. "Susannah wouldn't want us fighting like this."

Conrad's eyes soften as he looks at me and I can tell my words are getting through to them. They both look at each other then back at me. I had the power. They were listening to me.

"This ends here." I shake my head, looking at the two of them. "We can't keep fighting like this. We're all we have."

I knew there was only one thing left to do. I had to face it all head on. I had to face the uncomfortable. I didn't want to talk to Jeremiah but I knew it was the only way to get him and Conrad from ripping into each other. It was the only way to put an end to this. They both look at me with their chests rising and falling.

"We need to talk." I lock eyes with Jere then turn to walk away, willing him to follow me.

When I get to the back door, I hear Conrad say. "I'm trusting you. Don't make me regret this."

"I'm not going to hurt her, Con." Jeremiah says. "That's not why I'm here."

Jeremiah follows me down to the beach. I walk far away enough that Conrad can't hear us. I do it on purpose. This had to be between Jeremiah and I. I find a spot in the sand and sit, waiting for him. He plops down next to me and it feels odd to be so close to him after all this time. We hadn't been alone like this in years. It brings back memories. Both good and bad ones.

"You wanted to talk." Jeremiah says, looking out at the ocean.

I look at him out of the corner of my eye and he looks so much like Susannah in this moment. Her eyes. Her freckles. It hurts to look at him but it also reminds me why I asked him to talk in the first place. I wasn't here to yell at him or hurt him like he hurt me or to get closure. I was here to make things right between all of us again. For her. For Susannah.

We watch the waves crash on the shore for a few moments as I build the courage to ask him.

"Do you love her?" I ask him without looking at him.

Jeremiah swallows as he watches the waves. I already knew the answer. When you are engaged to someone, it shouldn't take this long to answer. He lets out a deep breath.

"No." He shakes his head. "I don't."

I try to contain my frustration. I try to remain calm.

"Then why are you engaged?" I look at him.

Jeremiah looks at me for the first time since he's sat down. "I'm not."

I look down at his ring finger to see there was no ring then I look back up at him.

"I broke it off." Jeremiah says, looking back at the water. "Lacie and I are over."

I look out at the water. He had called off the engagement? Today was full of surprises.

"She cheated." He finally says.

I turn to look at him and I recognize the pain on his face. Most exes would take pride in learning this but as I looked at him, I felt pity for him. I felt sorry for him. It was Jere Bear. My childhood best friend. My first kiss. My college boyfriend. Underneath all the hurt and pain were memories that could never be erased.

"So I took the ring back." Jeremiah says as he takes the ring out of his pocket. It was Susannah's wedding ring. I look at it with a sadness in my heart then look up at him.

"I didn't show up today to ruin the weekend. I came here because Laurel said you were here." He looks at me. "I came to apologize to you and to give the ring back to Conrad."

Jeremiah hadn't come for the Fourth of July weekend. He had come to make things right. I let out a breath, feeling many emotions at once.

"I didn't come to beg for your forgiveness. I know I don't deserve that. Taylor would come after me." Jeremiah laughs to himself, looking down at the sand then he lets out a deep breath. He looks at me. "I know I can't take back what I did to you, Belly. I don't blame if you hated me. I guess I know your pain now…"

He had never apologized to me for the night in Cabo. Not like this. He was being sincere. He was being vulnerable. He was being the Jere I once knew and loved. It healed something inside of me. Something that had never been quite the same since that night at the frat party.

"I just wanted to be happy, you know?" Jere nods, watching the waves as he begins to cry. "I just wanted to find what you and Conrad have. Something real. Something forever. Someone who loves me back…"

The way he talked about Conrad and I hurt my heart.

"Jere…" I whisper. "Everyone loves you. You're Jeremiah."

Jeremiah looks away. "But you couldn't."

I blink at him. He was referring to the fact that I couldn't love him enough to marry him. I had never seen Jeremiah like this before. He was really hurting. I cup his cheek with my palm and he tries to blink away his tears.

"I've always love you, Jere. We grew up together. You were my best friend." I say as I wipe away his tears with my free hand. "But sometimes that's just not enough. Your person is out there. And whoever she is, she is going to be so so so lucky." Tears begin to fill my eyes.

Jeremiah breaks down and I pull him closer to me. He rests his head against my shoulder as he cries. Even after all this time, he was still the little boy I once knew. I hold him and let him cry.

"I'm really sorry, Bells." Jeremiah cries. "I'm really really really sorry. Please forgive me."

"Shh, it's okay." I rub his back. "You did a hard thing today, Jere. You came here and apologized to me. Susannah would be so proud of you… Of course I forgive you."

"I've really missed you, Bells." Jere cries harder. "I've really missed my best friend."

We stay like that hugging in the sand for awhile. We watch the waves crash on the shore and we don't say a word to each other as he rests his head on my shoulder. I knew we could spend the rest of the day like that but we couldn't. There was one thing left to do.

"I've missed you too, Jere." I say. "But you need to do one more hard thing."

Jeremiah lifts his head from my shoulder and wipes his eyes then he looks at me.

"You need to talk to Conrad." I look at him. "It's time."

Author's Note: Thank you for reading along and supporting me on this journey! More chapters are coming. Don't forget to leave a review!