Chapter 13

Conrad:

Cleveland, Steven and I go fishing the next morning. It was the last day of the Fourth of July weekend. Jere had already left so it was just the three of us. Little did I know Steven and Cleveland had arranged it that way to ask me one very important question:

Steven gets a bite on his fishing line and tries to reel it in as fast as possible. The weight of the fish causes his fishing pole to bend. It eventually snaps in half dropping into the ocean as the fish swims off with it. Cleveland and I laugh as we watch the whole thing happen in a matter of seconds. It was an old fishing pole of Adam's. It was bound to break eventually.

"Well, shit." Steven laughs. "I guess it was time to retire that thing."

"Here, take mine." Cleveland offers him his fishing pole. "There are plenty of fish in the sea." He laughs.

"Nah." Steven winks. "Taylor's the only one for me."

We give up on fishing for the morning. We watch the sunrise as we enjoy some breakfast and chilled beers. It was nice to spend time with them like this. One thing I hated about medical school was not being able to see them as much as I'd like. They were two of my favorite people.

"So." Steven raises a brow at me, bringing his beer up to his lips. "It's finally happening, huh?"

I look out at the water as I dodge both of their stares. I had almost forgotten Steven had run into Belly and I in the hallway the other night. I laugh and shake my head as I think about it. Like Jere had said, it was probably written all over my face.

"That's a yes if I've ever seen one." Cleveland laughs, drinking his beer.

"Fucking finally!" Steven laughs. "It's been killing me to not tell Taylor. Also she said she gave you her blessing the other night. I told you she doesn't hate you anymore."

I laugh. "Maybe."

"How could anyone dislike Conrad?" Cleveland shakes his head. "I have a hard time seeing that."

"Conrad can be a dick sometimes." Steven jokes. "But for the right reasons. Clay Bertolet being one of them."

I shake my head in disgust thinking about Clay's stupid party. I had told Steven the story earlier this morning. Honestly, Steven knew without me having to tell him much. We both had grown up around Clay. We both knew the type of guy he was. Steven just never thought he'd have the balls to go after his sister.

It didn't surprise me though. Belly didn't know the effect she had on people. She could easily walk into a room and every guy would be automatically drawn to her. I guess I had always been protective over her for that reason because I had seen the way guys looked at her our whole lives.

"Thank you for taking care of her last night." Steven nods, drinking his beer. "Jere said he would keep an eye on her but you know Jere when he gets a few drinks in him."

I shrug. "Anytime."

I was disappointed my brother hadn't kept his promise to Steven to look after Belly last night but that was an argument for a different day.

"Well, I give you permission to date my sister, Fisher." Steven leans forward. "But there is a catch and I'm not just talking about the fish." He winks.

Steven and Cleveland both give each other a look. They laugh like they know something that I don't.

"What's the catch?" I eye both of them.

"It's more of a favor." Steven grins, drinking his beer. Where was he going with this?

Cleveland just smiles like he already knows what the favor is as they drink their beer. I run a hand through my hair nervously as I watch the two of them. This was starting to feel like a set up.

"Are you going to spit it out or what?" I tease Steven and he laughs then he points his beer at me.

"First. Just don't break her fucking heart again."

"Fair." I swallow and nod.

I look down at the ground as I take a long drink of my beer. I deserved that. Steven had seen the worst of me.

"Yeah, no shit." Steven teases me and laughs then he leans forward more. "And second. What are you doing in August?"

I immediately knew Steven was referring to the trip to Spain. I still hadn't made a decision whether to go or not. Of course I wanted to be there for his big moment. Of course I did but medical school was starting soon and it was probably too late to book tickets now. I wasn't sure what to say.

"As you know, I'm proposing to Taylor in Spain and I'd really like you to be there, man. We grew up together." Steven takes a moment as he smiles to himself, reflecting on all of our good times. "You've always been there for me during my biggest moments, Conrad, whether it's helping me catch my first wave or helping me get into Princeton. I really want you there when I pop the question to Taylor. In fact, no. I really want you at my side at my wedding. You're like a brother to me."

Steven's face turns serious as he takes a deep breath. Whatever he was about to say, it was really important. He looks out at the water then looks back at me with a familiar smile.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is." Steven laughs in his Steven way. "Conrad Fisher, will you be my best man?"

I was taken aback. I wasn't expecting that. I thought he'd already asked my brother.

"Isn't Jere better at that sort of thing?" I laugh lightly.

"Don't make me bully you into this because I will." Steven rolls his eyes. "Besides, I talked to Jere before he left. I told him I was asking you. He can help plan the bachelor party."

I was speechless. It meant a lot Steven had asked me. He was like a brother to me too.

"No pressure or anything, Conrad." Cleveland chimes in, leaning forward too. "But now would be a good time to tell you I've already booked your tickets to Spain."

I stare and blink at the two of them in disbelief. I recall Laurel telling me Cleveland was going to book tickets during Belly's birthday weekend but I had totally forgotten about it until now.

So this was a set up. They were in cahoots. It was one of the nicest things anyone had done for me in a long time.

"You didn't have to do that." I laugh and shake my head.

"Yes, he did." Steven teases me. "You were taking too long to decide."

"Consider it an early birthday present from Laurel and I." Cleveland shrugs. "You know Laurel. She is pretty headstrong. She really wants you there, Conrad."

"We all want you there." Steven grins then he nods. "So are you in, Fisher?"

"I can't just let you pay for a huge trip like this." I say, looking at Cleveland. "If I come, what do I owe you?"

"Conrad, let someone do something nice for you for once." Steven says to me. It reminds me of what he had said to me at the beach house a month or two ago.

"It's all taken care of." Cleveland smiles. "We don't mind. And I'm sure Belly won't mind either." He winks.

"Yeah." Steven laughs. "Belly won't mind at allll."

I smile as I look out at the water. It's not every day your best friend gets engaged. I knew I'd regret it if I said no so I finally say yes. I let them do this nice thing for me. It was already booked so it's not like I was given much of a choice. It starts to sink in that I'm going and I'm happy. I was looking forward to it. I knew it would please Laurel and Steven to have me there and traveling with Belly didn't sound so bad either. Above all, I wanted to be there for Steven's big moment. Medical school can wait. Love can't. I'd make it work for him.

"Fuck it." I laugh. "I'm in. I'll be your best man, Steven."

"Fuck yes!" Steven grins ear to ear. "Now that's what I'm talking about!!" He turns to Cleveland and does a handshake with him. "Thank you, Cleveland."

"Anytime." Cleveland laughs. "Happy to help."

"But if you ask me to sing at your wedding, I'm not going." I stand up to give Steven a hug with a mocking face.

Steven pats my back as we hug. "Sorry but no one wants to hear you sing, Conrad." He snorts.

"Fuck off." I roll my eyes as we let go of each other and laugh. Cleveland laughs at our banter.

I had missed this. As I look at Steven, our childhood memories and summers hit me like a tidal wave. One minute I'm teaching him how to catch a wave and how to build the best sandcastle then the next I'm saying yes to being his best man. We had truly grown up together and now he was starting a new chapter in his life: marriage. I was genuinely happy for him and Taylor. They were truly meant to be. I decide to make a toast to them. I figured it was my duty as best man.

"Cheers." I say, raising my beer in the air as I face them. "To Steven never having to go fishing again because he's found the greatest catch of them all: Taylor."

"Damn straight!" Steven laughs as we raise our beers and clink them together. It makes a satisfying sound.

"Cheers!" We shout as we down our beers.

"So the countdown begins." Cleveland smiles.

"Dude." I grip and shake Steven's shoulder. "You're getting fucking married!!!"

My excitement gets Steven excited. He laughs like we are ten years old again and for a moment it felt like we were.

"No backing out now!" Cleveland laughs with us.

Steven turns to the ocean and stands up on the seat, raising his beer in the air. "Hear that, Cousins?" He shouts with all the air in his lungs. "I'm getting fucking married!!!!"

The rest of July flies by like a speedboat. Summer was moving pretty fast. And it was the best summer of my life because Belly was officially mine. We were together.

She still had no clue I was coming to Spain. I told them I wanted to be the one to tell her. I wanted to do it in person too so I could see the look on her face. We had never traveled together before.

Steven was counting down the days. His plan was to propose to Taylor at the Plaza de Espana bridge at nightfall. One of the most romantic spots in Seville, Spain. As great as it was to talk on the phone and help him plan, I carried guilt for keeping a secret from him as his best man. Laurel was going to tell everyone about the Adam situation after the trip. After the excitement from the proposal starts to die down. We didn't want to take away from their special day. It would be selfish to tell him now. It would ruin everything. We were in touch with a lawyer but things were moving slowly. And I hated it because the longer it took to get things moving, the longer I'd have to keep secrets from both Steven and Belly.

I'd never helped plan a proposal before. Steven was going mad trying to keep the ring hidden from Taylor. It got harder and harder to not think about what I would do if it were Belly. Ever since I'd given her the letters, I was having vivid dreams. Belly dressed in all white. Belly walking down the aisle to me. Belly sharing my last name. She was the only girl I'd ever seen a future with. Endless summers in Cousins. For the first time in my life, the idea of getting down on one knee didn't seem so bad. Sure, she was already mine but I wanted to make her my girl forever. I wanted all of her summers, not just one.

I was the happiest I'd been in a long time. I was working at the Country Club thanks to Denise Cameron. I was serving the locals at the restaurant but I would also take the occasional shift at the pool deck or golf course yet it never felt like work. It just felt like another golden summer in Cousins and I loved it. I was still living at the beach house and I liked my little life in Cousins. And to top it all off, Conrad and I were officially together. We had been inseparable since the Fourth of July weekend. It almost felt too good to be true like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It was a Friday. I had just gotten home from working a long shift. I'm in the living room flipping through the television channels when my phone buzzes. We hadn't spoken much that day thanks to our busy schedules so I knew it was him calling. I answer on the first ring and I sink back into the couch.

"I was just about to call you." I smile into the phone.

"Great minds think alike."

"How's your day?" I laugh. "You sound happy."

He takes a moment.

"I'm on my way to Cousins."

I sit up. "You're what?"

"I want to see you."

We hadn't seen each other since the Fourth of July weekend and it was the first week of August. He was coming here? My heart flutters.

"Is that alright?" He hesitates when I don't answer.

"Of course." I laugh. "I want to see you too."

"You sure?" He laughs. "You don't sound happy to see me."

"I am!" I look down at my work attire and take my hair out of its greasy ponytail. "I just need to freshen up first. It's just been a long work day."

"Well, you always look good to me." He says and I blush.

Then I ask him, "How far away are you?"

"About two hours. Text you when I'm almost there?"

"Okay." I smile before I hang up. "Drive safe."

As soon as I get off of the phone with him, I run upstairs to take a much needed shower. I wasn't sure why I was feeling so nervous. Conrad and I had been alone in the beach house before. It's not like it was a big deal. Besides, we were much older now. We were adults. It's not like we were sneaking around or doing something forbidden. But it had been awhile since we'd been here alone as an actual couple. After I shower and look like myself again, I pick up around the house. I can't sit still as I wait for him. Exactly two hours later, my phone buzzes in my pocket and it's a text from him.

Conrad:

Almost there. I had to make a stop. See you soon.

I smile as I read his text. What was he up to? I felt like a lovestruck teenager all over again.

It's not long until his headlights flash through the front window. I jump up from the couch and I stop in the mirror to fix my hair then I flick on the porch lights. Before he can even get out of his car, I fly down the steps to him. He holds out his arms for me as soon as he sees me.

"I can't believe you're really here." I close my eyes, hugging him tight.

"Me either." He laughs as he hugs me back and it's my favorite sound in the world.

It had only been a few weeks since we'd seen each other but I'd missed everything about him. His warmth. His touch. His voice. Everything. Long distance sucks.

I release him then I sigh, looking up at him. "I missed you."

He traces my hair. He didn't have to say he missed me. My heart already knew it in the way he was looking at me and touching me.

"I brought you something." He smirks, nodding back at his car.

He walks over to his passenger side of the car. I can't help but giggle as he walks back over to me with a huge picnic basket. A bottle of wine is popping out of the lid.

"So that's why you had to make a stop." I laugh.

He smirks. "How about a picnic on the beach?"

We hold hands as we walk down to the beach that evening. It was the perfect temperature. Not too cold. Not too hot. Just right. And the way his hand fits in mine feels just right too. It feels like he belongs to me and I belong to him like we are two puzzle pieces made for each other.

He lays down a blanket for us to sit on and he starts to lay out the items of the picnic basket. He had thought of everything. A wine bottle. Two plastic wine glasses. Our favorite foods. Snacks. Dessert. Napkins. It was perfect.

"I know you like both." He says, setting out two different flavors of cookies. "So I got you both."

I admire him as he sets the scene. It was the sweetest thing a guy had ever done for me.

"Who knew you were such a romantic?" I smile, cocking my head at him.

"Not really." He laughs as he sets out the rest.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" He looks at me.

"Don't talk bad about yourself." I smile at him. "This is amazing. You're amazing, Conrad."

I kiss him for the first time since he had arrived. His lips taste just like I remembered but even better. It catches him by surprise and he pulls away to pour the wine into our wine glasses, smiling ear to ear.

We talk about everything and anything under the stars as we enjoy our little picnic on the beach together. I don't take my eyes off of him as I listen to him talk. I could listen to him talk for hours. It was nice to be alone with him like this. Just the two of us. My nerves from earlier fade and a yearning in my heart replaces it. I just wanted to be close to him. I didn't want the night to end. Being with Conrad again was as easy as riding a bike. It was all muscle memory. Natural and familiar.

I ask him how he feels about medical school starting soon and he tells me he is looking forward to oncology rotations. He doesn't bring up Susannah but it makes me think of her. He asks me how I'm liking working at the Country Club. I tell him serving the locals makes me feel like I'm giving back to the community like Susannah used to do. It makes him smile. We lean back on our elbows to look at the stars as we share the cookies. I feed him one then he feeds me one. We both laugh as the crumbs fall everywhere on the blanket as we look at the night sky.

"Are you excited for Spain?" He asks me out of the blue.

I nod and smile, keeping my eyes on the stars. I hadn't talked to Conrad much about the trip because I was sad he wasn't coming with us. It was hard to think about how I was going to be across the world from him when we were already doing long distance as it was.

"Yeah, I just wish you were coming with us." I sigh.

I look for a shooting star to make my wish come true and I can feel his eyes on me the entire time.

"What if I told you I was?"

I immediately turn to look at him. I wait for the punchline of his joke but it never comes. His face is serious.

"Cleveland surprised me with tickets." Conrad looks at me. "I told them I wanted to tell you myself-"

He was coming with us to Spain? The excitement takes over and I tackle him with a hug before he can even finish his sentence. The force of the hug makes him fall backwards on the blanket and I land on top of him. We both laugh as we fall and lay there together.

"You're really coming?" My hair falls into his face as I look down at him. I couldn't stop smiling.

"Yeah." He laughs. "Are you surprised?"

"So surprised!" I shake my head. "I can't believe it!"

"Neither can I." He smirks.

"What can I say?" I lean in closer, our eyes locked on each other. "You're full of surprises, Conrad Fisher."

It was what he had said to me the day he had taken me surfing. The day we had spent together doing all of our favorite things. It's crazy how much has changed in a matter of months. What I was feeling for him now was so much stronger. We share a moment as my eyes flicker between his eyes and lips then I close the space in between us to kiss him. As we kiss, his hands find my hips and I never want them to leave. I want them permanently glued there. His body feels warm and familiar under mine. Our kisses grow deeper then he pulls away.

"Um." He catches his breath as he looks at me.

I knew that look. He was going to stop us but I didn't want us to stop. Tonight I wanted Conrad Fisher all to myself.

"Shh." I whisper, kissing him again. "Don't ruin this."

This time our kiss is anything but soft and slow. It's all want want want but I was doing the wanting most of all. Conrad starts to sit up and I'm about to argue with him but he keeps me in his lap and brings me up with him. He doesn't stop kissing me as we fully sit up together. He places his hands at the small of my back and I wrap my legs around him. It was surreal to be with him like this but it still wasn't enough. I wanted to be as close to him as humanly possible.

He starts to trail kisses down my neck and I laugh at the sensation. I had always been ticklish and he knew that.

"I've always loved your laugh." He says as he trails more kisses down my neck. It makes me laugh even more. He pulls away to look at me again.

"And your soft hair." He smirks as he twists my hair in his fingers as if it's some grand art.

"And your freckles." He taps my nose.

"Hey." I blush and shake my head at him, laughing.

But he doesn't laugh with me. He just shakes his head, admiring me. "You're so beautiful."

When Conrad Fisher tells a girl she is beautiful, a girl could believe in that. It wasn't a line. It was real. It was all in the way he was looking at me tonight like I was fine art. I would never recover. Those eyes and words would be burned into my memory forever.

"I think you're the beautiful one." I whisper.

"No." He shakes his head under my spell. "That's all you, Isabel Conklin."

I lock my arms around his neck and lean in to kiss him. Tonight was perfect. It belonged to us. All I knew was I wanted him. The tension grows between us as we kiss. What I was feeling right now was beyond words. I start to move my hips against him as we kiss, feeling so many things at once. But I don't get very far. His hands on the small of my back move to my hips to hold them in place.

"Belly." He breathes.

"Let me kiss my boyfriend." I smile. "I've missed him."

I kiss him and move my hips closer but he stops me again.

"Why do you keep doing that?" I search his eyes. "Pulling away from me?"

"I just..." He looks into my eyes, tracing my hair. "I don't want to rush things, Belly."

"We're not." I smile. "This has been years in the making."

He smiles too then he looks down at my hair in his fingers. He seems lost in thought. Didn't he want this as much as I did? Didn't he miss me as much as I missed him?

"We don't have to do anything." He whispers, looking back up at me. "I'm just happy to be here with you."

"I know." I nod. "But I want you."

We look into each other's eyes. There was something behind his eyes I couldn't put a finger on.

"Don't you want me too?" I whisper.

"Of course I do." He whispers without hesitation.

"Then why are you holding back?" I shake my head.

"I want to do this the right way." He pauses. "I think we should wait."

I remove myself from his lap and I don't look at him as I sit next to him on the blanket. I sigh. "You do know it's the 20th century, right?"

He laughs next to me. "I'm aware."

"And you know most people don't wait." I shrug. "Especially when they've been apart for as long as we have."

"But you're not most people." Conrad looks at me and I look at him. "You're so much more special than that."

The way he was looking at me made me feel special. I have to look away at the ocean to catch my breath.

"Is it such a crime that I want us to wait?"

"Yeah." I laugh. "It is."

He laughs too then we share a moment of silence as we watch the waves. I study him from the corner of my eye.

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?" I sigh.

His hand finds mine and he holds it.

"I've learned that nothing worth having is ever easy, Isabel." He squeezes my hand then kisses it.

"Fine." I roll my eyes. "You win. Have it your way."

He smirks. "What's my prize?"

"It depends." I laugh, looking at him. "What do you want?"

He looks at me for a moment. "How about one perfect weekend with my girl?"

Whenever he used the words my girl it did something to my heart. I couldn't stay mad at him even if I tried.

I face the ocean. "That can be arranged."

He just laughs at me.

"Same old Belly." He shakes his head.

I roll my eyes and laugh then he holds out his arms to me. "Come here."

I scoot closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder. He traces my arm as I rest on him. We watch the waves together in silence and it's a calm night. It was peaceful. The water laps on the shore. The breeze is just right. The moon and stars are shining. It's like we had the entire beach to ourselves. There was no one for miles. It was just the two of us and I liked it best this way.

"I love it here at night." I whisper. "This is nice."

"Yeah." He continues to trace my arm. "It really is."

I admire all of the stars and recall an old memory.

"Remember the Valentine's Day where you surprised me and we looked at the stars in my yard?" I laugh.

He nods.

"I used to think that was the best date ever." My fingers trace my infinity necklace as I remember every detail. "But I think this has it beat." I smile to myself.

He smiles and rests his head on top of mine. He had never done that before. My head fits perfectly in the crook of his neck like it belongs there as his head rests against mine. Rather than tracing my arm, he just pulls me in closer to him and I never want this moment to end. My eyelids start to grow heavy as the long day catches up with me. I didn't want to fall asleep on him. He had driven all this way but being with him like this was a special kind of peace. He was my safe harbor.

Minutes later, he whispers, "Belly?"

"Mhm?" I whisper without opening my eyes, half asleep.

He smiles. "This is one of my top moments."

It was what I had said to him on Valentine's Day all those years ago. Just two teenagers laying down on a cold February night looking at the sky together without a clue of what the future would bring. If only our younger selves could see us now. I smile at the thought.

"Mine too." I repeat what he had said to me that one Valentine's Day then I drift off to sleep on his shoulder just like that.

Conrad:

I carry her to her bedroom that night and I can't bring myself to leave her. I tuck her into bed then I lay on top of her comforter with my arms around her. I had missed her so much. It had been the perfect date night. Even though I had held myself back or at least tried to, I knew it was for the best. It didn't feel right to be intimate with her while I was still withholding secrets about Adam. I wanted to do things the right way. I wouldn't fuck it up this time. I couldn't lose her. She was everything.

In her sleep, she turns her back to me with my arms still draped around her. I reposition myself so I'm cuddling her from behind. I close my eyes as I hold my entire world in my arms and I think to myself I could get used to this. Falling asleep and waking up next to her. Rinse and repeat. I could do this with her forever.

The sunlight wakes me up first. I raise my hand to shield my eyes from the sun and as I gain consciousness, I feel strong arms wrapped around me. Was I still dreaming? I slowly turn to look over my shoulder at him. Conrad had fallen asleep cuddling me. The big spoon to my little spoon. I could get used to this I think to myself.

I carefully turn to face him with his arms still wrapped around me. I didn't want to wake him. Not yet. I wanted to admire him in his sleeping state. His long and muscular arms wrapped around me. His long eyelashes resting against his cheeks. His dark locks framing his face. His chest rising and falling. I wanted to memorize it all because you never know the last time you'll see a place or a person. He looked so much like young Conrad in that moment. The boy who collected stamps and chemistry sets. The boy who didn't know the pain of losing his mother yet. It was like a time machine.

He starts to stir in his sleep as the sunlights wakes him. I'm the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes. He smiles at me and I smile at him. We share an unspoken moment before we share actual words. It was magical.

"Good morning." Conrad speaks first.

"Good morning." I breathe.

I had dreamt of this moment so many times. What it would be like to wake up next to him. Yet it was unlike anything I could've imagined. I didn't want to get out of bed. There was nothing better than this. Waking up next to your person. The person that you love.

"Sleep well?" He ask me and I nod.

"Did you?" I laugh nervously. "I'm really sorry I fell asleep on you like that."

"Don't be." He smirks as he pulls me closer to him, he traces my arm. "You've been working hard."

"So have you." I bite my lip. "You drove all that way just for me to fall asleep. I feel bad."

"Don't feel bad." He shakes his head. "I'm waking up next to you. I'm the happiest guy in the world right now, Belly."

I blush. "There is that romantic side again."

"Shh." He teases me. "Careful. People might actually think I have a heart."

"A cold one." I tease and he kisses me. He tastes like the cookies from last night and my stomach starts to growl.

He smirks. "Hungry?"

I shake my head. I didn't want to leave this moment yet. "Nope." I lean in to kiss him but my stomach growls again.

"Something tells me you are." He laughs. "Come on. I'll fix you some breakfast."

We make breakfast at home that morning. We take out Susannah's old griddle and make pancakes. We have a competition on who can flip and make the best one. Of course I win but Conrad still has me beat at the best bacon and eggs. We find an old playlist of Susannah's and blast it while we cook breakfast and dance around the kitchen. Just like Susannah used to do. Conrad comes up behind me a couple of times and kisses my shoulders. And each time he does it, my heart falls for him like I'm ten years old all over again.

The next song that plays on Susannah's playlist is It Will Stand by The Showmen. The first song Conrad taught me how to dance the shag to. I clasp a hand over my mouth.

"Oh my god." I laugh, wondering if he remembers too.

I don't even have to question if he does. He immediately takes my hand and we start to dance the shag together. We both mess up a few steps and laugh. When we suddenly smell the burning of the bacon, we rush back to save. Afterwards, Conrad twirls me around to kiss me.

We enjoy our breakfast outside that morning. It was the perfect Saturday morning. The birds are chirping. The sun is up. Conrad serves me a coffee with extra whipped cream then he pours an infinity symbol on my pancakes. It makes me laugh. Everything was going right today and it felt so easy between us. Like we had finally made it out of the woods. We had earned this. We deserved more good days like this one.

I had a wild thought as we spent the morning together: I could do this for the rest of my life. I could see it. Conrad and I in the beach house. Sharing morning coffee. Muffin runs. Beach days. Sharing a bed. It makes me think about his letters and how much time we had spent apart. It had all been worth it if it had led us here. This exact moment.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask him after we've finished our breakfast. We sit in the lounge chairs, enjoying our coffees.

"Anything." He smiles.

"I wondered about you too." I admit out loud for the first time. "You were always in the back of my mind. I may not have written you physical letters but I thought about you a lot while we were apart. More than I'd like to admit."

I don't look at him when I say it. I'd never said any of this out loud to anyone before or myself. Let alone him.

"Sometimes." I hesitate. "Sometimes when I was having a bad day or it felt like I was starting to forget you I'd play a memory in my mind like a movie." I shake my head. "It sounds stupid but it's true."

"It's not stupid." He finds my hand and holds it.

"I couldn't erase you from my heart even when I was halfway across the world." I laugh, referring to my time studying abroad in Spain. I had thought about him a lot there even before I started getting his letters. He had always been there in the back of my mind. In my heart.

He laughs too then he asks, "Which memory?"

I press my lips together. "Remember the one Christmas where we ran into each other here?"

He chuckles. "When I found you on the floor and had to carry you to the couch?"

"Yeah, that one." I blush. "That was one of my favorites. Whenever I was having a bad day, I'd think of that one. How you looked at me. How you took care of me. I'd think of you and suddenly my bad day wasn't so bad anymore."

I finally look at him and he smiles. He squeezes my hand.

"And now look at us. We'll be in Spain together." He smiles at me and his words melt my heart.

I smile and nod then I get curious.

"What about you?" I ask him. "Did you ever...?"

"I think you already know the answer." He sets down his coffee. "I believe I told you in one of my letters that you're all I think about." He winks. "Just so we're clear."

I laugh. "Was there a memory you'd always go back to?"

He nods. "Of course."

Before I can ask him for more details, he starts to reach for something in his pocket. He takes out his wallet and opens it. He hands me a wrinkled piece of paper folded into a square. It looked like it was a few years old.

"It's the first letter you sent me from Spain. When you finally wrote me back." He teases me.

"Wow." I laugh. I was surprised he still had it.

"Open it." He smirks.

As I unfold the letter, something small falls into the palm of my hand. It's a polaroid. A polaroid of us from the night of the party - the night we thought we had lost the beach house forever years ago. Steven had taken our picture. I remembered that night well. Conrad is holding a beer, looking right at me as I smile for the picture. We were both wearing retro orange outfits.

"You kept this...?" My fingers trace the polaroid. "You've kept these in your wallet this whole time?"

He nods as he looks off into the distance. "There was just something about them that kept me going. It gave me some kind of hope or something. I guess I just couldn't erase you from my heart either."

I start tearing up as I look down at the old polaroid of us. The younger and dumber version of us. I think about all of the time we had spent mad at each other. All of the precious time we had wasted. I wipe my tears as they fall.

"Why are you crying?" Conrad whispers. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dig up the past, Belly."

"No." I shake my head. "I'm not crying because of you. I'm crying because I was so stupid back then."

"You weren't stupid, Belly. If anything I was."

"No." I swallow. "That night was all me."

"Belly, look at me."

I look at him and he reaches out to cup my face. His thumbs catch my tears.

"We've both made mistakes. It doesn't matter anymore." He looks into my eyes. "All that matters is now. Hell, I'd go through all of that again if it meant I'd still end up here with you."

I nod as I look down at the polaroid. I wish I could tell that girl in the picture what I knew now. His words echo in my mind: All that matters is now.

I finally lean over to hug him from my chair, my tears drying on his shirt as I hold onto him. My Conrad.

"Thank you, Conrad." I sniffle. "Thank you for everything. You've always been so sweet to me."

He hugs me back and rubs my back. "You're my girl."

I squeeze him tighter then he lets me go.

"You should keep it." He says to me, "As a reminder of how far we've come and how much I've always cared."

My tears dry as I smile at him and he squeezes my hand.

Suddenly, a voice pulls us out of our little moment.

"Con?" The voice comes from inside the beach house. Conrad straightens up in the chair and we look at each other. We both recognized the voice.

Adam walks through the open back door into the backyard. He waves and he makes his way over.

"I saw your cars in the driveway. I was wondering if anyone was home." Adam jokes, taking off his sunglasses.

Conrad stands up. "What are you doing here, Adam?"

"I was in town." Adam says then he looks at me. "Belly, congratulations on graduating. Good to see you."

"Thank you." I fake a smile. I didn't know what else to do or say. I look at Conrad's face and he is glaring at Adam.

Adam looks back at Conrad. "So what are you kids up to? Where is everyone?"

"We're not kids." Conrad says and I look at him. "And Belly's staying in the beach house for the summer. We're here alone."

Adam looks in my direction. "Since when?" He asks.

"Why does it matter?" Conrad stares a hole through Adam. "You're never here anyways."

There is an awkward silence.

"Belly, why don't you go inside?" Adam says, without looking at me. "I think Con and I need to have a word."

I start to move but Conrad takes my hand and holds it.

"Belly's an adult. She can do what she likes." Conrad sticks up for me. "You don't have to talk down to her like she's a kid."

I can feel Adam's eyes on me.. I don't make eye contact and I keep my eyes down with my lips pressed together. Adam notices Conrad is still holding my hand tightly.

"Oh, I see." His eyes flicker between us. "You two are together?"

"Yeah." Conrad stands tall next to me. "We are."

I look at Conrad's face then at Adam's.

Adam takes a moment. "How does your brother feel about that?"

I can tell the comment pisses off Conrad.

"I don't think it matters what he thinks." Conrad replies.

Adam wasn't around enough to know about Conrad and I's dating history. He probably didn't even know we had dated before. And I don't think Jere ever told him the truth about why we called it quits on the wedding day. The more I interacted with Adam with less people around, the more I got to see the side of him Conrad despised. It made me so sad for him and Jere. They deserved a better parent than the one they were left with.

"I'm sorry, forgive me." Adam clears his throat. "I think we got off on the wrong foot here. How about I take you both out to dinner? We could celebrate Belly's graduation."

"Will you be around long enough to wait for dinner?" Conrad glares at him and Adam's face drops.

For a moment, I feel bad for Adam. It hits me at that moment he was trying. He really was trying to spend time with us and I could see the hurt on his face.

I was never going to be Adam's biggest fan but I knew if I was going to be with Conrad long-term I would have to make an effort with him. Adam would inevitably be a part of our lives. I didn't want every time we ran into him to feel like this. I didn't want to meddle but maybe a quick lunch or dinner wasn't such a bad idea. It could open the doors to communication. It could be an olive branch. Susannah would like that. All she ever wanted was for Conrad and Jeremiah to be happy. Maybe I could do this one last thing for her. Help the Fisher family heal and move on.

"How about lunch?" I fake a smile at Adam. I can feel Conrad's eyes on me.

"Great. I'll treat you to some lobster rolls." Adam smiles.

"Okay." I smile then I look at Conrad. He looks away and doesn't say anything. "We'll be there." I nod at Adam.

"I'll book us a table." Adam starts to take out his phone. "I have a business call but I can meet you kids there at 1?"

"Sounds good." I nod.

Adam exits through the back gate and gets on the phone. I can hear him talking in the driveway. I turn to Conrad. His hand feels cold and distant in mine.

"Are you okay?"

"Belly, we're not going to lunch with him."

"Conrad, if I'm going to be your girlfriend then I have to make an effort with him." I shake my head. "It might be good for him to see us together. Give him a chance."

"No." Conrad looks at me. "We don't need to give him anything. We owe him nothing."

"Look. We don't have to forgive him for everything. That's not what I'm asking of you." I take a deep breath. "All I'm asking is that we go to lunch and that's it."

Conrad's expression looks pained. He looks like he is about to choke. There was something behind his eyes again. He almost looks like he wants to cry.

"I don't know about this." Conrad exhales.

"I promise everything will be okay." I muster up a smile. "I'll be there to support you. This could be a good thing."

He shakes his head. "Belly, you don't understand-"

"I really think Susannah would want us to do this, Conrad. It could be good for you two. Do it for her."

As soon as I say her name, pain is written all over his face. It breaks my heart and I step closer to comfort him but he drops my hand that he is holding.

"I need a second." He says as he walks back inside.

I thought I was doing the right thing. Trying to bring the family together again but little did I know I was doing the opposite. I didn't know it at the time but I had been here before. I was already starting to lose him.

Conrad:

I was freaking out. I didn't know what the fuck to do. What could I do? Everything was outside of my control. I text Laurel to let her know Adam had shown up again. I tell her about how he had invited us to lunch and Belly said yes. She was the only one I could talk to about this.

Laurel immediately replies to my text.

Laurel:

I don't know what he is up to but stay strong, Connie. Stand your ground. He can't do anything unless it's through lawyers. Keep me updated. Call me when you can.

It made me feel better Laurel was just as distraught as I was about Adam randomly showing up again. He had been spending an awful lot of time in Cousins and I wanted to know why. Then it hits me. Maybe Belly was right. It was time Adam and I sat down. I wanted answers. And this could be my chance to confront him about everything. This was it. I had to do this for my mom.

When I talk to Belly about going alone to lunch, she is open to the idea. She is sitting on the counter.

"Are you sure you don't want me there?" She asks me.

"I think it's for the best if I go alone." I tell her.

"I'm proud of you." Belly hugs me from the counter as I stand in front of her. "I promise if it goes shitty, you can tell me you told me so."

I needed this hug more than anything right now.

"I'll be back soon, okay?" I say to her, pulling away.

"Take your time." Belly nods. "I'll be here when you get back."

"Okay." I say as I turn away from her.

She grabs my hand before I can. "And Conrad?"

"Yeah?" I turn to look at her.

She cups my face and looks into my eyes. "I want you to know Susannah would be proud of you. I'm proud of you."

It was exactly what I needed to hear because I wasn't doing this just for Jere and I. I was doing it for mom. I was going to try to talk Adam out of it. Enough was enough. I wasn't going to let him do this. Not now. Not ever.

When I pull up to the restaurant, I see him walking inside. He has a cocky grin on his face as he gets off of a call and I have to take a few deep breaths before I go inside. All the things I'd wanted to say to him over the years were rising to the surface. It was time to face it all head on. No more lies. No more secrets. No more bullshit.

When I walk up to the table alone, Adam stands up.

"Hey, I ordered us drinks and appetizers." He smiles then he looks past me. "Where's Belly?"

"She's not coming." I say as I sit down.

Surprise registers on Adam's face as he sits back down.

"I told her we needed to talk." I look at him. "Alone."

Adam nods and swallows, looking down at the table. He knew why we were here. He couldn't hide behind an email or phone or his lawyer. We were face-to-face now.

He closes his eyes. "Con, listen-" He says but I was already losing my patience with him.

"No, you listen. How dare you." I interrupt him. "How dare you show up to Cousins when you're challenging mom's will behind all of our backs."

Adam swallows hard. "I know this is hard to understand but if you can at least hear me out-"

"Did you hear mom out?" I say out of spite. "When she found out you were cheating?"

Adam looks me in the eyes for the first time since I've sat down.

I continue. "Did you hear her out when she was crying and smashing plates in the kitchen because you broke her fucking heart when she was going through chemo?"

Adam looks confused. "How did you..."

"I was there that day, Adam." I look at him. I don't even blink or take a breath. "You can lie to Jere. You can lie to everyone. But you can't lie to me."

His face drops. He shakes his head in defeat. "Conrad, you were never supposed to overhear our conversation. If we knew you had been home, we would have-"

"What?" I scoff. "Acted like everything was fine when it's not?"

Adam looks down again. Whenever he was getting called out on his shit, he could never look you in the eye. It was pathetic. I started to grow angrier. I was trying to hold myself back but the years of resentment were taking over.

"Why are you even here?" I demand to know from him. "Why have you been in Cousins? Just tell me the truth for once."

"Adam sighs. "I'm trying to tell you and if you would just listen, maybe you'd understand where I'm coming from."

"Understand?" I blink. "Understand why you're trying to challenge your deceased wife's will? Go ahead. Tell me."

Adam opens and closes his mouth like the weak man he is then he looks away. I knew he couldn't do it. I knew it.

"You know what? I don't give a shit what you have to say." I shake my head. "I'm not going to let you hurt her. Especially when she isn't even here to defend herself."

Adam leans back in the booth as my words land. I can tell my words rocked him. Good. I was getting under his skin. The waiter brings out our drinks and appetizers. I ask him for the bill and tell him that this will be all for us today. The waiter picks up on our energy and leaves without saying a word.

Adam looks into my eyes when he is gone. "Does your brother know?"

"No." I scoff. "I'm honestly surprised you haven't told him."

Adam sighs. "Conrad, I'm really trying here. I really am trying to have a decent lunch with my son."

"Try harder then because this is horse shit, Adam." I say. "I had to find out from Laurel that my own father is trying to challenge my mother's will. If you don't think I have a right to be pissed about that, you are out of your mind."

Adam takes a deep breath. "You have every right to be angry with me, son. Do you really think I don't know that?"

"Then why do it?" I shake my head. "You know that what you are doing is wrong yet you still won't fix it."

Adam doesn't say anything as he looks down at the table.

"You know what your problem is?"

He looks at me.

"You can't own your shit. You fuck up then run away from all of your problems." I say to his face. "You can't accept the fact she is gone and she isn't coming back. You can't accept the fact you never made things right with her."

"That's enough, Conrad!" Adam shuts me down.

We stare at each other then he swallows. "I loved her. I know I fucked up but I did love her. And I have to live with what I did for the rest of my life." His voice sounds strained as he looks down.

I lean back in the booth, backing off of him. The rage that was inside of my body was starting to dissipate. Adam had finally admitted he fucked up. It was nice to hear but I was past the point of forgiveness with him. One day I would forgive him but not right now. Not when he was still not backing down from challenging mom's will.

"So where does that leave us?" Adam looks at me.

"It depends."

"On what?"

"Are you really going to take this to court?" I look at him. "Laurel isn't made of money, Adam. You know that. Don't do this to her."

Adam is quiet for a moment. "Well, are you really going to go against me, your own father, in court?"

"If I have to." I swallow, searching his eyes. "But we don't have to do this. We can just settle this here like grown men."

"It's not that easy and you know that." Adam says. "There are a lot of things that I'm entitled to in that will."

Here we fucking go again I think to myself. It was always about money. It was always about something materialistic. I was growing tired of his selfish ways.

"Like money?" I squint. "I'll give you what's left of my damn trust fund. Just leave mom alone."

"No, I'm not going after your trust fund. But this is not exactly fair either, Connie-"

"Will you ever stop?" I look at him in disgust. "Will you ever stop and realize you're the problem? Are you hearing yourself right now?"

"Conrad, I have a right to what was once hers." He looks at me. "I worked to provide a good life for you boys. That's how marriage works-"

"Yet you still couldn't give us the one thing we needed most." I cross my arms.

It was a sad realization but I realized at that moment this conversation was going nowhere. Adam didn't have the maturity or the capacity to have empathy for anyone but himself. Or maybe deep down he knew he had fucked up so bad that if he were to face what he had done, it would consume him. So I do the only thing a son can do when they realizes his father never will change. I choose to walk away. No more lies. No more secrets. No more bullshit.

"You know, I feel sorry for you." I say as I stand up. "You'll never know what real love and family feels like."

The way my father looks at me in that moment crushes my inner child. I feel pity for him but then just like that, it's gone when he dares to speak again.

"Connie." Adam looks at me. "I'm still your father. Sit down."

"No." I say, turning my back to him. "You haven't been that for a very long time. Have a nice life, Adam."

And with that, I walk away from him. I don't look back. I don't stop. I walk away from the man that brought me into this world and who taught me almost everything I know. Most of which I had to unlearn. I get in my car and I drive away without looking back.

I wanted to believe I could do it. Talk Adam out of it. Like Jere and I had tried to do with the beach house but the outcome was always the same: Adam was selfish. He would never change. We gave him chance after chance to show up for us, to be a good father, and to do this one last thing for mom but he wasn't capable of it. He had never been the father we deserved.

My inner child died that day. I truly wanted to believe the good parts of my father were still there buried inside of him but I was tired of waiting for them to show up. I began to question if it had all been a facade. Perhaps this is who he had always been. It just took Jeremiah and I until adulthood to see his true colors. He couldn't hide anymore. Mom wasn't here to protect us from his lies.

I take the long way home and drive along the water to think. I roll down the windows to let some fresh air in as I think about our last conversation in that booth in the corner of that restaurant. It hits me the next time I see him could be in court.

When I get to the house, a panic attack starts building from within my chest. I do everything I can to shut it down before Belly can see. I get out of the car and run to the back gate. I barely make it there and I hold onto it as I try to gain control over my breath. Everything starts to go blurry as I just crumble to my knees.

All of the pain and hurt that had been building up for years was coming out. I couldn't carry it all around anymore. If I did, I would likely turn into him. An unhealed, weak and fear-driven man. I had to stay strong. It was only going to get harder from here. But it was hard to tell my body that. It was hard to tell my mind and heart that. Once again, I had let her down. My beautiful mom. The pain was so unbearable I couldn't take it. I was breaking down.

Belly finds me on the ground and runs over to me. "Conrad?"

I don't answer her. I don't even see her. I close my eyes and all I can think about is my mom. Belly sits on the ground with me and holds me to her chest. She supports me in her arms, hugging me to her.

"Breathe in." She rubs my back, trying to help me. "Breathe out. Okay, again."

I try to focus on my breathing and hear her voice in my mind.

"Conrad, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Belly repeats over and over again as she tries to calm me down.

And I cry into her shoulder like a lost little boy who can't find his way back home.