Chapter 18

Conrad:

I wake up before she does.

The first thing I see when I open my eyes is the sleeping beauty next to me.

Belly is turned towards me in a deep sleep with one arm close to her face on the pillow and the other arm tucked at her side. Her chest rises and falls as she sleeps and she is wearing nothing but the infinity necklace around her neck and the charm bracelet around her wrist. And I'm completely and utterly enthralled with her.

I had never seen anyone or anything more beautiful in my entire life.

I reach out to caress her cheek and I think to myself I will love this girl forever.

I will never let her go ever again. I will never take another moment with her for granted.

I find myself making a promise to her and to myself at that moment that I would do everything in my power to make this work. To make us work. To not repeat history. To not make the same mistakes or fall into the same pattern we had fallen into so many times before. For most of our story, we had lost sight of what's important. We had been kids making the same mistakes most kids in love make. We had let our emotions get the best of us, let other people get in the way, and sometimes we had even gotten in our own way. But after the night we had shared together there was no more of that. There was no going back. There was only looking forward.

When you lose someone important to you it puts everything into perspective.

What used to matter doesn't matter anymore.

It changes the way you love forever.

And all that matters aren't the promises you make but the promises you keep.

Years Earlier

Boston, MA

I take a deep breath then I knock on the door before I enter.

"Come in."

I open the door to find them watching one of her favorite musicals on her hospice bed. My brother and my mom. From the music playing it sounded like Bye Bye Birdie. My brother pauses the movie and they both turn around to look at me. When he sees me, he stops laughing but our mom's face lights up. She has a nasal cannula in her nose and she looks as white as a ghost.

It never got easier to see our mom like that. I kept waiting for it to but it never did.

"Connie?" She smiles, trying to sit up and Jere helps her. "I didn't know you were coming today."

Then my brother stands up and he sets the remote down next to her.

"Class got canceled so I drove straight here." I say to her then I look at Jeremiah. "Hey."

"Hey." He says without looking at me as he brushes past me to leave. "I'll come back later."

He barely acknowledges me and I try not to show our mother how much it bothers me. He had been avoiding me since Thanksgiving. Things had never really been the same between us. Jeremiah shuts the door on his way out and I hear his footsteps fade down the hallway.

"Come." My mom pats the open spot next to her on the bed. "Sit."

I sit down and she takes my hand in hers. The temperature of her skin scares me.

She was as cold as ice.

"Are you cold, mom?" I worry. "Do you need me to adjust the temperature?"

"No, I'm perfect." She says as she moves some hair out of my eyes. "Perfect now that you're here." She smiles at me in her motherly way.

I fake a smile back but it was hard to fake a smile when your mother is dying right in front of you. She had lost a lot of weight and I had never seen her hair so thin and brittle. She looked lifeless and I have to look away. I look down at her small, pale hand in mine.

"So how is my Connie?" She tilts her head to get me to look at her. "How is college life?"

"I changed my major. I'm officially pre-med." I tell her. "And I'm thinking about applying to Stanford soon like we've always talked about."

"That's my Connie." She just smiles then she shakes her head. "How did you get so smart?"

I memorize her smile. Her face. Her voice. Every moment as if it was our last because I never knew if it would be.

"I get it from you." I look at her and she starts to tear up a little.

"Nonsense." She laughs weakly. "That's all you, honey."

I look back down at our hands.

"I always had this fantasy of you finding yourself on the West Coast." She sighs like a proud mom. "Stanford will be very lucky to have you. My brilliant boy. My Connie." She squeezes my hand. "You have no idea how proud of you I am. We all are."

"Thanks mom." I swallow, trying to find the joy in this.

It was hard to feel excited about anything when it felt like all of the joy in my life was leaving. First I had lost Belly and now I was losing her.

"You know, at your age I was smoking pot with Laurel in college." She laughs. "Partying like there was no tomorrow."

I laugh. "Well, you guys turned out alright."

"I guess so." She laughs then she looks like she is in pain.

She leans back with her eyes closed and I fluff her pillows behind her to support her. She leans against them then she sighs heavily. It's a moment before she opens her eyes again and when she does, she changes the subject.

"So I see you and Jere aren't really talking." She says it in a sad voice and it surprises me she had picked up on it.

Then again she was our mom. She knew us better than anyone else. I look down unsure what to say to her and she reaches for my hand again. She finds it and she squeezes it with as much strength as she has, willing me to look at her. And when I do look at her I see she has tears in her eyes. It kills me.

"Can you promise me something?" She whispers.

I nod.

"Promise me you won't let anything come in between you two." She searches my eyes. "You and Jere are going to need each other." She looks down. "I know what it's like to not make peace with a sibling and I don't want that for my sons." She looks back up at me.

Our mother had always been a positive person and it killed me to hear her talk like that. To hear her talk about Aunt Julia like that. To watch her sunny optimism decline throughout this whole cancer treatment and process. It was awful. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Because this was it.

She knew it and I knew it.

Her time was running out.

She was dying.

And that day was coming soon.

She wouldn't be talking like this if it wasn't.

The tears start to build behind my eyes and I have to blink them away. I had to stay strong for her. For my brother. Or I would lose it.

"Promise me you'll look after him?" Her tears start to fall as she holds my hand. "Promise me you'll look after each other."

I struggle to find my breath. To find my words. To face the gravity of the promise I was making.

"I promise." My voice cracks.

The promises you make on your mother's deathbed are titanium and there was no way I was breaking this one. I would take care of my brother. Of course I would. I would keep my word. I would do it for her. Even if it killed me too.

"That's my Connie." She smiles, both of us on the verge of tears.

Then she opens her arms to me. "Come here."

And I surrender to my mother's arms like a child. We don't say anything as we hold each other. Not at first. I hold her fragile body in my arms with the lightest touch, careful not to hug her too tight or I fear she would wither away. She would disappear in my arms. She would be gone before I could open my eyes again.

"Take care of him, Connie." Her weak body shakes. She is crying. "I'm counting on you."

And I would remember those words. The way her body shook with sadness as she said them. The sound of her voice. They would stick with me for years to come.

"Please don't go, mom." I whisper, my breath trembling. "We need you." I hold back tears as I pause. "I need you."

She holds me tighter with all the strength she has left and I feel selfish for begging her to stay when I know she is hurting. Her body couldn't fight the cancer for much longer and we both knew it. I knew it but I still couldn't bring myself to let her go.

"I'll always be with you." She tries to hold back her tears as she says it but she is already crying. "Just look for me on that pier and I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere, honey."

I feel like an infant clinging onto their mother with the fear of the unknown. Not ready to let go of the most important person in my life. The person who had given me life. My beautiful mom.

"I love you, Conrad." She kisses my hair. "Never forget that. Never forget how much I love you." Her voice shakes. "You may be Laurel's special guy but you were my special guy first."

And that's when I lose it. The tears take over and there is no stopping them.

"And I have peace in knowing that you and Jere will never be alone." She whispers. "The Conklins will always be there for you two. They're family and that will never change."

I didn't have the heart to tell my mom she was wrong. I feel an ache in my chest as I think about her. Belly. How we had left things at Prom. Then I think about how disappointed Laurel and Steven must be with me for that night. The Conklins likely hated me now. And I couldn't blame them. Who wouldn't?

She pulls away to look at me and I wipe away my tears before she can see them.

"Remember that poem I made you recite as kids?" She tries to smile as she starts it. "For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)."

I finish the poem with her. "It's always ourselves we find in the sea."

I try to pull myself together and I can feel her eyes on me. Then she takes a deep breath before she changes the subject again. I should have known it was coming.

"Laurel said Prom didn't go as we had hoped." She tilts her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

So she did know the truth about Prom. My heart sinks and the ache in my chest returns. Not only had I let Belly down that night but I had let her down too. I felt lower than low.

"I'm sorry, mom." I say with my head bent. "I never meant to hurt her. I just couldn't think about anything other than-" I close my eyes, shaking my head.

Anything other than the fact that you are dying and there is nothing I can do to stop it. But I wasn't about to tell my dying mother that. She was going through enough. Everyone was hurting.

"I know." She exhales. "I know. I know you well, Connie." Then she pauses. "Belly came to see me the other day, you know. We had a good talk." She nods. "She doesn't hate you, honey. Neither does Laurel. They could never hate you."

Belly had come here? They had talked about Prom?

I look up at my mom then I look down, wishing I was deserving of her words right now.

My mom squeezes my hand then she looks at me.

"Do you love her?"

I look up at her and it's like she already knows the answer without me having to tell her. Her eyes decode mine and I don't have to say a word. Our eyes hold their own private conversation.

"I know this is hard with everything going on." She speaks gently to me, her voice tired. "But don't push away her, honey. You need her." Then she pauses as she takes a deep breath.

"You love her, you know."

She has tears in her eyes as she says it and there is no denying it.

She knew.

She had always known.

She had always known that Belly wasn't just her special girl.

She was also mine.

"I know." The tears fall as I look down.

"Do you remember what I said to you on the pier? The day you came to me about Jere?"

I nod as I keep my eyes down.

"Everything will work out." She repeats what she had said that day. "You'll all find your way back to each other eventually. You just have to believe."

I nod, wanting to believe with every part of me that somehow she was right in the end.

"Can you promise me one more thing?" She whispers as she cups my face in her hands like she had done since I was a baby.

"Anything." I say as she wipes away my tears.

"Can you promise me to get a haircut?" She teases me and it breaks the intensity of the moment. She shuffles my hair and I try to pull away from her but she doesn't let my face go.

"Mom." I laugh, shaking my head.

"There's that smile. There's my Connie." She just laughs then she takes a labored breath as she looks at me. She smooths more hair out of my face and she looks at me as if it was her last moment with me. Like she was memorizing my face just as much as I was memorizing hers. Like we were afraid of forgetting what each other looked like.

It breaks my heart in half.

"Promise me you won't stop smiling." Her eyes are sad as she says it with a smile. "That you won't stop laughing or enjoying life, son. There is a big world out there waiting for you. Promise me you'll try to be happy. Don't waste your time being angry over what happens to me. I want you to go and live a long happy life." She looks into my eyes. "Promise me you will try."

I nod slowly as a single tear streams down my cheek. "I promise."

She kisses my forehead with my face still in her hands and I close my eyes to savor the moment between us then she pulls me back into her for one more hug.

"You never hug me so you bet your ass I'm taking advantage of this moment." She sighs sarcastically and we both laugh then she whispers with her arms around me. "Just take care of yourself and take good care of each other. Be good to each other, will you? Live everyday like it's your last. Like you're in Cousins." She laughs weakly. "And I'll make you a promise in return. I'll be okay. You don't have to worry about me." She takes a breath. "I'll be there for you every step of the way." She points at my heart. "Here."

I never ask her who she is talking about because I already knew. My heart already knew. She wasn't just talking about Jere, she was talking about Belly. She was talking about all three of us.

"I love you, mom." I whisper, wanting to say it out loud in case it was the last time.

"I love you too." She smiles then she pulls away. "Okay. Now go fetch your laptop." She winks, sniffling. "I want to see where my son will be living for a few years, Mr. Stanford."

I get up to go grab my laptop out of my backpack that is outside of the room. And before I enter the room again, I watch my mom through the crack of the door. She sits alone on the bed as she looks out of the window. And she doesn't cry. She doesn't smile. She just looks out of the window with a calm expression. She looks like an angel with a glow about her I had never seen before and it scares me at first but then I feel a calm wash over me too. Like she was going to be okay somehow. Just like how she had promised me. Then I walk back inside of the room.

And that was one of my last hugs and moments alone with her.

My mom would lose her battle with cancer a few days later.

I wake up to a hand caressing my hair.

I open my eyes to find Conrad sitting on the bed with me. The sunlight from the window illuminates him and he is looking down at me like he is memorizing every detail. I memorize every detail of him in return. His messy hair from the night we had shared together. His sunkissed skin. The warmth of his touch. And those eyes. Oh, those eyes.

"Morning." He says with his face tender. "Did I wake you?"

I shake my head no as he continues to caress my hair. We exchange a moment of stillness as we look into each other's eyes. Both of us thinking about the day before. The night we had shared together. Even now, his touch made every cell in my body come alive. I burned for him.

This was better than any dream I'd ever had of him. Because it was real.

Me and Conrad.

We were really here.

And we were finally together.

Susannah had been right. About everything.

"Hungry?" He breaks eye contact and he reaches for something on the nightstand. He offers me a blueberry muffin warmed with butter on a plate. "It's a day old but I warmed it up just for you." He winks.

I could get used to this, I smile to myself as the sweet aroma fills my nose.

Waking up to this view. Waking up to him. My golden sun.

"Thank you." I say as I sit up to take the plate from him. "And thank you for the flowers. I saw them on the table when I got home last night." I smile at him. "They're beautiful."

Conrad smirks then he reaches back out to lightly caress my hair again. He takes a moment as he admires my hair. He had always been so soft with it. Then his eyes flash back to mine.

"Just like you." He says with a certain look in his eyes.

I lean forward to kiss him on the bed and he tastes like last night but better. He tastes just like my Conrad and I can't get enough. We both get carried away in each other's kiss and touch then I set the plate back down on the nightstand. We both laugh as I drag him to me on the bed.

Breakfast could wait. Right now I was wanting something else.

Him.

Conrad:

We spend the morning in bed together and I play with her hair as she lays on my chest.

As I hold her in my arms I find myself already missing her. How was that even possible? To miss someone while you're still with them? I think about how difficult it will be to leave her again and it drives me to ask her about the future. Our future.

"Are you moving back in with Laurel soon?" I ask her as I let her hair slip and fall through my fingers.

She sighs against my chest. "I don't know yet."

"You're always welcome here." I tell her. "I hope you know that."

Belly turns around to face me and she rests her chin on my chest as we look at each other. I continue to play with her hair and she leans into my hand, closing her eyes. Although we were still getting used to being this close again, it also felt like second nature to be with her like this. And I would never take another moment with her for granted. Not after Spain. Never again. It gives me the courage to keep driving the conversation. To say what is on my mind.

"Where do you think you'll go if you don't live with her?" I keep my eyes on her hair as I ask her.

"Honestly?" Belly sighs as she lays her head back down on my chest. "I haven't gotten that far."

"Where do you want to go?"

"No clue." She sighs again then she laughs against my chest. "Why so many questions? Did my mom put you up to this?"

"No." I laugh with her then I pause. "My heart did."

Belly props herself up to look at me and I brush some of the hair out of her eyes. I couldn't keep my hands off of her. I couldn't look away from her. I'd never been this affectionate with anyone in my entire life. Belly brought out a side of me I never knew existed. Perhaps it had always been there. And after the night we shared together, there was no going back. No holding back.

"You're always welcome here." I reassure her. "No one's asking you to leave, Belly."

"I know." She sighs as she looks around at her calico wallpaper and bedroom. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

She purses her lips. "I just feel like everyone is moving on with their lives, you know? And as much as I love this place maybe I need to move on too." She looks back at me. "I feel like it's time to start a new chapter." Then she laughs, shaking her head. "Sounds stupid, right?"

"I don't think it sounds stupid at all." I look at her with love.

She smiles as she reaches out to run a hand through my own hair. It feels nice.

"You're very sweet to me." She tilts her head. "What am I going to do without you?"

We share a moment of silence as we look at each other and I reach out to cup her cheek. I trace the freckles on her cheek. I had all of them memorized like constellations in the sky.

"Who says we have to be apart?" I look at her lips then I look back into her eyes.

I watch the impact my words have on her as she blushes and I want to say more about it but she leans forward to kiss me before I can. Then in one fell swoop I bring her warm body back to mine and she just laughs knowing where this is going. Like I said I couldn't get enough of her.

Not today.

Not ever.

We spend every waking moment together that day. A day I never wanted to end.

We don't leave each other's side. Maybe because our hearts had spent so much time apart we had to make up for all of the lost time. Or maybe it was because neither of us wanted to think about what would happen after today. It was the last day of the weekend. Our last day together. We were both putting off the inevitable because after today we would go back to long distance. We would go back to late night phone calls, squeezing in facetimes whenever we could, and forever missing each other. Our hearts both knew it and we knew it. Today was it.

"What are you up to?" I laugh, towel drying my hair.

Conrad hadn't been in the bedroom where I had left him to take a shower. Instead, I had found him outside crouched down next to two bikes. One of them was mine. My blue one.

He stands up and he gives me a kiss then he nods back at our bikes. "How about a bike ride?"

We ride our bikes into town along the water. Conrad lets me take the lead.

I couldn't remember the last time I had taken a cruise along the water like this. I close my eyes for a moment with my hands on the handle bars as I let the ocean breeze hug me. It had always felt like a warm welcome home. Then I look behind me to steal a look at him. To make sure he was still there. To make sure this wasn't a dream after all. Conrad is already looking at me and he just smirks. He was feeling the same way I was. This was our favorite place in the world. This was home.

Then I turn back around with an evil smile and an even better idea.

"Last one to the ice cream shop has to pay!" I laugh as I pedal faster. "You snooze, you lose!"

It's not long until Conrad is fighting for room on the sidewalk next to my bike. It was no secret that we were competitive. Maybe a little too competitive when it came to each other.

Conrad gets to the ice cream shop on the boardwalk first but I tell him it doesn't count because he took a shortcut. He says it's not cheating if you take "the faster and more logical route" but I just roll my eyes at him as we lock down our bikes. Conrad opens the door for me and we get in line to order our ice cream. When we get to the counter, he orders both of ours because he already has my favorite flavor memorized. When he attempts to pay, that's when I swipe his hand away and I hand the cashier my card instead.

"I don't want to hear it." I laugh as I feel his eyes on me. "Fair is fair. I lost the bet."

The cashier gives me my card back and when I look back up at him I expect him to give me a snarky response but instead he just kisses me. And there was no argument to be had there.

We hold hands as we walk down the boardwalk to enjoy our ice cream. It reminds me of the first time we had ever come to the boardwalk alone together. I smile as I think about how much my younger self would be jumping up and down to know that I was holding his hand in mine. Conrad was what I always wanted. My girlhood dream come true a thousand times over.

"Remember the day we got Junior Mint?" I lick my ice cream. "That feels like forever ago."

"Of course I do. I spent thirty to fourty dollars trying to win you that damn bear." He laughs.

"And here I thought you had come just to see her." I laugh.

"Who?" He looks at me.

"Angie."

He just shakes his head as he licks his ice cream but he doesn't say anything.

"What?" I laugh as I lick mine. "Trying to deny it?"

He just rolls his eyes at me playfully and I nudge him with my shoulder.

"I know you liked her." I laugh. "And it's okay. It doesn't matter anymore. We were just kids."

Conrad stops. "Do you really think I asked you to come with me that day just so you could watch me flirt with another girl?"

His question catches me off guard and I shrug, trying to keep the mood light.

"I asked you because I wanted to take you, Belly." He squeezes my hand as he starts to walk again. "I thought that was pretty obvious by how much of a nervous wreck I was." He laughs.

I look up at him. "You were nervous to take me out?"

He looks down at me, surprised I hadn't known that. "Why do you think I barely spoke? And if my hands hadn't been so sweaty I would've tried to hold your hand. At least once."

I was surprised. It warmed my heart to hear after all of these years Conrad had asked me out that day because he truly had wanted to take me. Then it made me wonder how many of our other memories and moments I had gotten wrong. I cringe at our history of miscommunications.

"Yeah, we never were the best at communicating." I laugh. "Were we?"

"Nope." He laughs.

I lean into him. "Good thing we finally figured it out."

Conrad squeezes my hand. "I knew we would."

"I wonder what your mom would say if she saw us now." I just laugh. "Everyone in the house knows that I've been in love with you since-"

"Wait." Conrad turns to look at me and he has ice cream on his lips. "You're in love with me?"

He teases me and I laugh. "Shut up!"

"I'm sorry I don't think I heard you the first time." He steps forward with a smirk. "Say it again."

"I love-" Before I can even get all of the words out, he kisses me with lips that taste like ice cream. Then he starts to drag cold and wet kisses all over my face and I have a hard time controlling my laughter. It was like that one scene from the Notebook where Noah kisses Allie.

"Conrad!" I can't stop laughing. "Stop."

"Make me." He laughs.

"If you don't stop, I'll make you ride the Tower of Terror!" I laugh.

The next thing I know we are on our first date. First we play arcade games then we play shoot your shot then we race go-karts but the best part is we don't keep score this time. Because it doesn't matter. That wasn't the point. We were just two people in love no longer caring about keeping score. All that mattered was we were having fun and we were doing it together.

"Not that we're keeping score or anything but I definitely kicked your ass." I flip my hair over my shoulder.

Conrad just laughs. "Please. I let you win."

"Yeah right!" I laugh.

"Conrad?" I hear a voice approach us. "Belly?"

We both turn around to find Cam Cameron and his fiance Grace walking up to us.

"Cam." I smile as Conrad takes my hand.

"Hey." Cam smiles at me then he nods at Conrad. "Conrad? It's good to see you. I don't even know the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, it's been awhile." Conrad smiles, proudly holding my hand.

Cam turns to Grace. "Um. Grace, you already met Belly." She smiles at me and waves. "This is Conrad. Belly's-" Cam trails off as he looks down at my hand.

And I wonder why he is looking at my hand then it hits me. Did he think we were engaged?

"Boyfriend." I awkwardly add.

"Right." Cam looks back up from my hand. "Conrad is Belly's Boyfriend."

Conrad doesn't say anything. He just has a strange smirk on his face as he holds my hand.

"Sorry." Cam shakes his head. "I figured by now you two were already-" He looks back at Grace. "Conrad and Belly grew up together so everyone knew they were like destined to get married."

I blush at Cam's comment and I steal a look at Conrad out of the corner of my eyes. He is already looking at me and I look away.

"Oh, I see." Grace laughs then she smiles at us. "Well, we'll have to get together and do a double date sometime?"

"Yeah, sure." I nod, trying to fill in the awkward silence. "So how long are you guys in town for?"

"We've been taking a lot of trips down here to visit Denise and we're thinking of getting married down here." Grace smiles at Cam, holding his hand.

"Yeah." Cam nods then he looks at his watch. "But we actually have to get going. Our flight leaves in a few hours."

"Oh." I nod. "Well, it was good to see you guys. Congratulations again!"

"Congratulations on the enagement." Conrad nods. "You got a good one, Grace."

I look up at him, surprised he had complimented Cam Cameron. Conrad was different than Jeremiah in that way. Then I look back at Cam and he smiles at Conrad.

"And congrats on almost being done with medical school." Cam smiles. "We'll see you around?"

"See you around."

Conrad:

When we get back to the house, I park our bikes back inside of the garage.

I think about the brief conversation with Cam and I can't stop smiling. Today was a good day.

"What's that look for?" Belly crosses her arms, watching me.

"What look?" I smirk, unable to contain myself as I park our bikes.

"That one." She laughs. "You've had that same look on your face ever since we ran into Cam."

I shrug. "Maybe I'm just happy to be with you and show you off."

She squints her eyes. "Orrrr you're up to something."

"Oh, I'm always up to something." I wink at her as I close the garage door.

She just laughs and before she can turn away from me, I throw her over my shoulder.

She squeals. "Conrad!?"

I start to walk towards the backyard and I open the gate.

"What are you doing?" She giggles. "Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see."

I set her down on her feet when we get to the beach and she turns around to face the ocean.

"I figured we could use a nice dunk after our bike ride and hot date on the boardwalk." I wink.

"Oh." She looks out at the ocean then back at me. " I don't know if I want to get my shorts wet."

I look down at her denim shorts then out of nowhere she takes off. She catches me completely by surprise. She sprints towards the ocean with her hair flying in the wind and I chase after her like we are little kids. I guess I had always been chasing after her in one way or another. And I would do it all over again if it led us to today. To this happy moment.

When we get to the water we're already dying of laughter. She splashes me a couple of times then she tries to swim far away from me. When I finally catch up to her I scoop her into my arms then launch us both into the water. We were in our own little world. Laughing like nobody's watching. Splashing each other like the summer kids we were at heart. After all, it was one of our favorite places to be. The place where it had all began. After we have our fun, we emerge from the water holding hands then we both lay down on the sand breathing hard.

"I can't remember the last time I had this much fun." Belly smiles wide, shaking her head.

"Me neither." I find her hand and I hold it in mine.

She sighs. "I never want this day to end."

We both look up at the sky with our hearts feeling the exact same way. It was already late afternoon. We had spent most of the morning in bed which I had no complaints about but time was flying by so fast with her. I didn't want the day to end either. There was so much to do. So much to talk about.

"Neither do I." I stand up and I offer her my hand. "But the day isn't over yet. Come on."

For dinner, I grill us some chicken and make a caesar salad with homemade dressing. She takes one bite and her eyes nearly roll back into the back of her head. It gives me flashbacks to last night and I have to force myself to cool it. But I can't bring myself to look away from her.

"This is amazing." She smiles that smile that always melts me. "Thank you."

I kiss her forehead as I sit down to eat with her. "You're welcome."

We eat dinner outside together. We were waiting to watch the sun go down over the beach. The sunsets here were unmatched as was her company. As she looks out at the sky I have this overwhelming feeling to pick up where we had left off on our conversation from this morning. Time was running out and I had to let her know how I was feeling.

"What if you didn't move in with Laurel?" I ask her on the spot.

She looks back at me with wide eyes and wet hair. Her hair is still wet from the ocean and it falls along her shoulders. I could tell I had taken her by surprise. "What?"

I look into her eyes. "What if you came to live with me?"

I was being forward but I didn't care. I was tired of wasting time. Look what it had cost us in the past. And I was genuinely curious to see what she would say. How she would feel about it all. Was I moving too fast? Was I ten steps ahead of her or were we on the same page?

She blinks a couple of times. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"Medical school will be over next year." I shrug, maintaining eye contact. "It's something to consider."

"But what about Nate?"

"It's not like I'll be stuck with him forever, Belly." I laugh at how adorable she is. "Everyone moves on after graduation."

She nods as she considers it and it makes my heart indescribably happy that she is considering it. It tells me everything I need to know. We were on the same page. She was open to the idea of us living together. Maybe the dreams I'd been having about her for months wouldn't stay dreams for much longer. They would become real. We had a future. She was my future.

"What are your plans after medical school?" She asks me after she takes a drink of her lemonade. "I don't think I've asked you where you plan on living?"

"It just depends on where I get matched for residency. It could be anywhere." I answer her honestly. "But I'm planning on applying to residency programs close to here." I look into her eyes to make myself crystal clear. "Close to Cousins."

A smile spreads across her face. "Is that so?"

Her smile makes me smile. "Yeah."

"I wouldn't mind that." She tries to hold back her smile.

"Think about it." I find her hand and I hold it. "We wouldn't even have to look at apartments. You wouldn't even have to move. We could just live here. I could commute to work. We could start a new chapter like you talked about." I squeeze her hand in mine. "Here together."

"You would do that?" She looks at me. "That sounds like a lot of driving, Conrad."

"It's less driving than I do now to come see you." I shrug. "Besides, coming home to you every night and not having to deal with long distance again sounds pretty damn worth it to me."

She blushes as she looks down at her plate.

"We don't have to make any decisions right now." I squeeze her hand. "We have plenty of time to plan for it. But it's something to consider. Just think about it, okay?"

She looks back up at me and she nods. "Okay."

We hold each other's gaze as we smile at each other then she sighs as she looks down. She looks sad.

"What is it?" My thumb circles her hand.

"Nothing." She sighs. "I just hate doing long distance. I'm going to miss you."

"Hey." I kiss her hand to cheer her up. "In less than a year maybe we won't have to."

She looks at me. "Are you sure?"

"What do you mean?"

She searches my eyes. "Are you sure that's what you want? To live together? That's a big step to take together-"

"Oh, I'm completely sure." I smirk. "If you can't tell I'm very serious about us, Isabel."

She just smiles bigger then she leans in to kiss me. Our nose kisses first before our lips do.

"Whatever you say, Dr. Fisher." She whispers against my lips after we kiss.

And her words do something to me. The way they just roll off her tongue. The tone of her voice.

I pull her onto my lap and I look at her lips. "Whatever I say, huh?"

She nods and blushes with her hair falling into her face. And I take my time with her in this moment wanting to say so many things to her. Thinking about our future together.

"I meant what I said to you last night, Isabel Conklin." I smooth her hair out of her face. "You're stuck with me. I'm never letting you go again."

"Good." She smiles, leaning in closer. "Because I'm not going anywhere."

I kiss her then she breaks away after a moment. She points towards the sky. "Look!"

It was one of the prettiest sunsets we'd ever seen in Cousins. Colors of orange and pink and blue and purple spread across the sky. Something Belly and I shared in common was how sunsets reminded us of my mom. We liked to think it was her way of saying hello. Her way of checking in on us. I hug Belly to me, never wanting to let her go. Never wanting to leave this moment. This sunset. This house. This person. Maybe one day I wouldn't have to, I think to myself as my eyes land on her bare ring finger as she points out the colors of the sunset. My mind flashes back to the moment with Cam today. How he had thought we were engaged. How he almost had called me her fiance and I realize I wouldn't have corrected him if he had.

Maybe one day I would be lucky enough to put a ring on that finger.

To make her mine forever.

For the first time in my life I felt more and more ready to take that step.

Good things come to those who wait, Connie my moms words echo in my head.

Lover by Taylor Swift fades out into the background:

And this is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear

Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

After dinner, one thing leads to another and we spend the rest of the night entangled with one another. When it comes time to say goodbye, I can't bring myself to let go of him.

I pout as I rest my chin on his chest. "Why do we have to be adults with responsibilities?"

He just laughs as he looks down at me. "Good question."

We stare at each other for awhile, both of us not wanting to be the first one to get up and say goodbye but it was already dark outside and it would be selfish of me to keep him for longer.

"Why is this so hard?" I want to cry. "Why are we always saying goodbye?"

"Hey." Conrad sits up. He keeps me in his lap. "Don't say that. This isn't goodbye."

"I know." I hug him to hide my expression and I bury my face in his shoulder. "I just feel like everything is perfect when we're together then something always happens when we're apart."

He takes a moment to reply. "Belly, look at me."

I feel the tears start to come and I squeeze my eyes shut. I shake my head. "No."

"Baby."

He had never called me that before and it gets my attention. I take my head out of his shoulder to look at him and he leans forward to rest his forehead against mine. He closes his eyes and I close mine as his hands move up and down my back to soothe me. He had never done this before and it was nice. Really really nice. There was still so many sides to him I hadn't discovered yet.

"Nothing is going to happen." He whispers. "I promise."

"What if-" I hesitate.

"Nothing is going to change the way we feel about each other." He speaks softly. "I mean, we've felt this way since we were kids." He chuckles. "I don't even think it's possible for us to feel any other way for anyone else."

We hold each other for a long time then I open my eyes to look at him and he is already looking at me. I memorize him and I in this moment. Not ready to let go of him then I finally give in.

"Will you text me when you get home?" I sigh in defeat.

"No." He smirks as he leans in to kiss me. "But I'll call you."

We both laugh then we hug each other for dear life. We both close our eyes, savoring every last touch. Every last embrace. His skin burns against mine, sending electric jolts through me.

"I love you." I whisper.

His warm, strong arms wrap around me tighter and this time he buries his face in my shoulder. He trails soft kisses along my shoulder. "Not as much as I love you."

He gets carried away with the kisses then he kisses me and I lay back down below him. He hovers above me and he looks down at me with so much love in his eyes it's enough to make my head spin. Enough to make me believe every word he was saying to me tonight.

"Five more minutes?" He smirks.

It was something we used to say to each other during our phone calls. It was cute he had remembered. I smile and nod then Conrad leans down to kiss me and I melt for him.

And in the back of my mind I think about our conversation.

Maybe in less than a year we wouldn't have to say goodbye.

Maybe one day it would always be like this.

Me and Conrad. Together. At the beach house.

And it's that thought that keeps me going.

It's that thought that allows me to let him go.

Conrad:

Our "five more minutes" turns into me staying the night. I just couldn't bring myself to let her go. We fall asleep in each other's arms and we both sleep better than we had in years. How lucky were we to share something so special that makes saying goodbye so hard?

And that's when the idea comes to me the next morning as I drive away from Cousins. I had one more stop to make before I drive home. One more conversation to have. I find myself driving towards Philadelphia. I decide to go see Laurel and to have breakfast with her.

It had been a split minute decision really. I knew I couldn't stay long. I had to get back to medical school and my subinternship but I just wasn't sure when I'd find the time to go see her again. And I had been wanting to visit her ever since everything had died down with Adam. She told me she would give me my half of the check but I wasn't going for the check. No, this wasn't about Adam or the money at all. I was going to see her for a completely different reason.

I hadn't exactly planned on doing it this way. But after spending that one last blissful day and night with Belly, I was on a high and I wasn't sure when I would be up here again.

I don't show up empty handed. I knock on her door with flowers and breakfast. I figured that was a good way to start off the visit. I couldn't remember the last time I had stood on this porch and I feel the anticipation rise in my chest as I stand there. I take a deep breath.

"Connie." Laurel smiles when she opens the door. "I'm so happy you're here."

"Hey, Laura." I step forward to give her a hug. "Me too. I brought you some muffins."

She hugs me back then smiles down at the muffins. "Thank you."

She shows me inside and I think we're alone until I hear Cleveland in the kitchen. "Want a cup?" He holds up a mug.

"Oh, I'm good."

"Make him one." Laurel laughs. "He can't stay long. He needs energy for the drive back home."

"Thanks, Laurel." I smile and she smiles back.

"Want any sugar?" Cleveland asks me.

"No thanks. I prefer mine black."

"Ahh." Clevelands nods to himself. "Like a real man."

Laurel and I both laugh as we walk into the living room.

"Come on in." Laurel sits down. "Make yourself at home."

I sit down on the couch and I set the muffins down. I feel her eyes on me as she studies me. Laurel never missed a thing and I start to feel incredibly nervous. I'm thankful for when Cleveland joins us. He could ease anyone's nerves. He sets down each of our mugs on the coffee table then he takes a seat next to her. We all take a sip of our coffees in unison.

"So how are things with you?" Laurel asks me first.

I feel my hands start to sweat as I set down my coffee.

"Fine." I keep it short, wanting to keep the focus on her at first. "How are you?" I pause. "How have things been after Adam?"

She takes a moment as she drinks her coffee.

"You know." She looks at Cleveland then she looks back at me. "We're okay. I will say Adam cutting that check was more than generous. It's nice to see he still has some redeeming qualities left. Beck didn't marry a complete asshole."

We all laugh and I nod in agreement. Laurel had never been Adam's biggest fan. Neither was I.

"Yeah, I'm glad it's all behind us now." I smile and she smiles too.

"Speaking of that." Cleveland takes an envelope out of his pocket and he pushes it towards me on the coffee table. "This is for you."

As I look down at the envelope I notice it hasn't even been opened. In fact, I could tell for a fact it hadn't been. The check inside of the envelope hadn't been touched at all. I look back up at them, confused.

"You're not cashing out of any of it?"

"We discussed it." Laurel says to me while Cleveland shakes his head no. "Adam is your father and you're the one in medical school. You should take it. We don't need his money."

I look down at the envelope. Whatever amount was inside I knew it wasn't little. Then I look back up at them with surprise. I wasn't expecting this. Cleveland was the one who deserved it. He was the one who had spent the most on lawyer fees.

"I can't." I shake my head, leaning back in the couch. "But thank you."

"Conrad." Cleveland laughs at my humility. "Take it. You need it more than we do."

Maybe that was true considering I was about to graduate from medical school next year but I was all about doing the right thing. And this felt the furthest thing away from it.

"Use it to pay off medical school debt." Laurel shrugs. "Or spend it on something worthwhile." She pauses. "Either way, I think Beck would like it better this way, don't you?"

Spend it on something worthwhile.

I think Beck would like it better this way, don't you?

I felt like I had a lump in my throat.

The entire drive over I had thought about what I had wanted to say to Laurel but now that I was here face to face with her and now that this curveball had been thrown at me I felt unconfident. I felt nervous. I felt scared. I felt unworthy. And I hadn't been planning on Cleveland being in the room for this conversation. I look out of the window then I look back at them as they look back at me.

"Thank you both but I didn't come all of this way for the check." I clear my throat. "I came here to talk to you."

"Oh, I know." Laurel takes a drink of her coffee then she sets it down. "I know you're not greedy like Adam."

"And if it's about Adam-." Cleveland starts but I shake my head.

"It's not about Adam." Then I fix my eyes on Laurel. "It's about your daughter."

Laurel looks back at me in silence, not saying a word and her face changes. I take a deep breath before I continue.

"First, I want to apologize to both of you for Spain." I begin. "It wasn't right of me to leave Belly like that."

"Conrad." Cleveland leans forward. "If this is about the money-"

"No, it's about the principle of it." I nod. "I shouldn't have left like that. I'm truly sorry about the way that trip ended and I wanted to tell you both of you in person how sorry I am. Belly and I have talked but I never talked with you."

Cleveland and Laurel look at each other with expressions that are hard to read.

Then Laurel looks back at me. "Connie, no one is mad at you. Everyone was going through it with Adam." She nods. "It's all in the past now."

"I know but it's important to me that I have your blessing." I hesitate as I lock eyes with her. "Because Belly and I have started seeing each other again."

I brace for their reaction but they just smile at each other.

"I'm happy to hear that." Cleveland smiles.

"Me too." Laurel nods with approval. "You've always been good to her."

"Thank you." I blink. "That means a lot coming from you."

I had been anticipating a negative reaction and I was relieved to see that they were both supportive. That they were both understanding about what had happened in Spain. But I have a hard time finishing what I had come here to say. Where was the speech I had spent hours on as I had driven over here? Where were my words?

"We appreciate the apology, Conrad, but it's already been forgiven." Cleveland adds. "Don't worry about it."

"Thank you." I smile at both of them.

Laurel nods but she knew me too well. She leans forward, studying my face. She can see right through me and when we look at each other I can see it in her eyes. She knew.

"But that's not the reason you came either, is it?" She says.

My palms start to sweat again as I look at her.

"No." I tell her the truth. "It's not."

Cleveland looks at her and Laurel just smiles at me in her knowing way then she leans back, crossing her arms. "Well, you won't know the answer unless you ask the question."

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading! Chapter 19 is coming soon!