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General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death.

CHAPTER 4: MEN IN MASKS

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Tig stood with his feet apart and his hips forward as he assumed the position along with the rest of his crew, looking down the line at Clay who lifted his gun and began firing, starting a chain reaction. He closed his eyes as he lifted his sample weapon to do the same, but he quickly realized that, as he wielded the exact model that he had killed Donna with not three months earlier, he would need to keep his eyes open for this. He needed to see what he was shooting. He needed to be sure.

He opened his eyes behind his dark sunglasses, looking over at Sydney who had turned to look at him with a grin on her face. He shook his head as a bashful smile swelled on his cheeks, turning his attention back to the target that he now knew was safe - hammering his ringed finger against the trigger which shot a spray of bullets into the dark haired woman that appeared, standing with her back to him.

He gasped, dropping the weapon that continued to fire into her even from the dirt, but she didn't collapse as she had that night - instead, she turned to face him.

Sydney was coaxed awake easily as Tig began tossing beside her - the routine that her nervous system had been trained to expect. She'd long surpassed the need to blink the sleep out of her eyes as she rushed to his aid in the manner that she'd had many nights to perfect - placing her hands on the sides of his neck and tangling her fingers into his grown out curls as she began whispering sweet nothings into the air that surrounded his turmoil.

"I told him he would hurt me." Her pained voice uttered through her tears as she stood before him, riddled with his bullets.

"Donna…"

"This aint no life for women and children." She shook her head.

"I'm s-"

But Tig didn't get to finish his apology as his tearful blue eyes cracked open under the comforting touch, widening painfully as they strained to focus in the dark.

"It's okay, baby." He heard Sydney's voice, loosening the shaky breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding - wrapping her in his arms and burying his face into the comfort of her hair.

Sydney's eyes fell closed as a shameful sigh escaped her lips, selfishly reveling in the only touch that he could bear to give her. "Do you want me to read, or sing?" She asked softly as she placed a gentle kiss to the scorching skin of his neck, pressing a hand to his chest before slipping out of bed to fetch him some water.

Tig took a deep breath as she disappeared into the bathroom, exhaling as he swiped his hand down his face - contemplating the options that, just a few short months ago, he would've declined without a second thought.

But the constant push and pull of his fucked up mind didn't allow him to realize that they could finally see through the glass that was no longer frosted with layers of deception - the only goal that they'd ever had as a couple. Instead, all he saw was regression - regression in the one area that had always served as their strongest bond.

"Read." He choked out as she reappeared by his side, gratefully accepting the cold water from her outstretched hand where he brushed his fingers against hers. "I don't think I'm gonna be sleepin anytime soon…"

"Okay." Sydney nodded softly, returning to her side of the bed where she reached over her nightstand and retrieved the old book that her dad had read to her, countless times.

"You didn't read ahead too, did you?" He grumbled with a small smile as he settled his head in her lap.

"No." She giggled as she wound her fingers into his thick hair that had lightened in colour over the summer, flipping through the worn pages of the book that had made it through many moves and trips to the beach - and now, rough nights.

"The dwarves and Bilbo shouted and cheered." Tig closed his eyes as she began narrating the story that he had never gotten to hear. As a kid, all of his classmates had read The Hobbit - had gotten to read The Hobbit. But he was different - he didn't have a quiet place at home where he could curl up with a book long enough to take any of it in before his father could smack it out of his hands, or a mother who was coherent enough to read it to him, and the rage that he felt against the kids at school who did have those luxuries never allowed him to sit still long enough to do it anywhere else. He had spent his youth feeling like an animal backed into a corner - terrified and desperate with only one way out, but Sydney had adopted that traumatized little boy into her loving home where, for once, he felt that violence wasn't his only option.

Sydney felt the weight lifting off of her chest as his tense body began to go limp beneath her fingertips. They never made it more than a few pages into the story before he fell asleep, but she didn't mind if it meant that she got to bring him peace in one of the only ways that peace had been brought to her.

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Tara pulled onto the compound carefully with baby Abel strapped in his car seat behind her. She had no doubts about the safety of the top of the line model that Gemma had purchased, but she wasn't so sure that she felt as secure about the tattered seatbelts that lined the back of her dad's Cutlass that she had taken as her daily driver.

"You ready to see grandma?" She cooed to the baby that she couldn't help but think of as her son - snapping back to reality as Jax parked his bike next to her.

"Thanks for drivin him." Jax leant down to her waiting lips with a smile as he pulled his helmet from his overgrown locks.

"No problem." Tara smiled back.

"You sure you don't wanna come tonight?" He asked again with a raised brow as his blue eyes shifted to the office door where Gemma was standing. "She wouldn't be there." He smirked.

Tara shifted her eyes to the Matriarch as well, feeling the same flutter in her stomach as she had during their conversation the day before - the flutter of approval, and it was a feeling that she intended to keep up. "I'm sure." She smiled. "Let her know I'll head over to grab him after my shift - give her the night off."

"Okay." Jax nodded with pride. He knew that Tara's need to please had more to do with his mother than it had to do with him, but he was just glad to see that for once, the women in his life weren't his biggest problem. "Hopefully if this nanny thing today works out, you won't have to." He told her with a knowing smile.

"I don't mind." Tara told him with every ounce of sincerity. Every second that she got to spend with the sweet baby boy was a blessing that she didn't intend on taking for granted - she'd already flirted with that fate. "You going to see Ope?"

"Yeah." Jax nodded as she brought up the sore subject that he had reluctantly decided to keep her in the dark about, letting her efforts to foster his child brighten up the corners of his dark and tortured mind that had threatened to unravel him.

"Mornin." Gemma cut the tension as she approached the couple that her bitter hazel eyes were becoming more accustomed to.

"Hey, Ma." Jax straightened up, walking into his mother's arms where he placed a kiss against her bony cheek. "Thanks for doin this."

"It aint just for you." She told him playfully, making her way to the backseat where she began unstrapping the car seat, forgoing the greeting to Tara.

Tara chuckled, shaking her head and rolling her eyes knowingly as Jax stood with a brow raised. "I love you." He told her once they were free of the pair, leaning down to peck her lips.

"I love you too." She smiled against his mouth.

"Your best friend's here." Gemma rolled her eyes as she shuffled back into the office with Abel in hand.

Sydney sat up taller in her chair as she peered through the blinds to see Tara's car, waiting until Jax was far enough away. "I'll be back." She tossed Gemma a playful wink that she knew she would hate, bounding out the door.

"Damn, doc." Tara looked up from where she had been smoothing her hand along her stomach - her aching, empty womb. "Daycare drop off looks real good on you." A smile spread across her face as Sydney stood before her with a playful grin.

"You're here early." She scoffed as she eyed the clock on her dashboard.

"Long night." Sydney's grimace was hidden by her squint in the early morning sun. "You got time to go grab coffee?"

Tara thought about it for a second. She really didn't have time - but she would make time for the only friend that she had who understood all of the confusing things going through her mind.

"Sure." She smiled, nodding to her passenger seat where Sydney quickly climbed in. She was glad to see that she looked like less of a pornstar today in her white graphic t-shirt and tight grey jeans, hopeful that the cooling temperatures would mean that she didn't have to feel so underdressed everytime that she was near her.

The two chatted mundanely as they made the short drive to Sydney's favorite coffee shop on Main Street, waltzing in where they stepped into the lengthy line of small town residents stopping for their morning sustenance.

"I hope Gemma didn't want you back anytime soon…" Tara chuckled as she looked around the tiny storefront that was absolutely packed.

"I'll bring her back a coffee." Sydney shrugged.

"Black with lots of sugar." Tara laughed - almost surprising herself with the memory. "Maybe I'll get her something…" She mumbled mindlessly as she scanned the rows of sweets.

"No." Sydney hummed as she pulled Tara away from the pity-pastries

"Why not?" Tara's dark brows furrowed.

"She'll know you're kissing her ass." Sydney scoffed.

"God." Tara rolled her eyes. How didn't she think of that? "How did you get in with her so easily?" She whined.

"I wasn't trying." Sydney replied with an easy smirk. "I also wasn't fucking her son, so that helped." She gave a sly smile that almost faltered as her stomach twinged through the inadvertent lie in what was supposed to be a light-hearted joke.

"Yeah, I guess that does." Tara laughed, stepping up to the counter where she placed her order for a large flat white.

"How's that going, anyways?" Sydney reignited the conversation after placing her order, as well as Gemma's - taking it in a direction that didn't tremble her already shot nerves.

"Good." Tara blinked. She was surprised - this was one of the first times that Sydney had brought up Jax in weeks, but it only reminded her of the unspoken, one-sided understanding that they had come to about discussing their relationships. "How's Tig? I haven't seen much of him lately…" She probed gently, but the truth shone blatantly in her eyes.

"He's fine." Sydney quipped, turning away quickly as she inched closer to the pickup counter.

Tara felt a scowl forming on her face. At first she had been concerned for her friend - desperately curious as to what had twisted her favorite couple up so badly since Donna's death. But that was months ago, now she was starting to think that this was all some big power trip; some moral high ground that Sydney took advantage of after learning of the upper hand that she and Tig had over her and Jax - that she had the right to judge her relationship, but couldn't receive judgment in return.

Sydney took the liberty of grabbing Tara's order as well, hoping that the more time that she spent trying to fit the hot coffees into a tray - the more time Tara would spend rethinking her topic of conversation.

And she was right. The brunette stayed silent as they made their way to the car, something changing about her aura as she stepped back into the vehicle.

"So I talked to Gemma last night…" She started.

"Oh?" Sydney raised a brow. She was shocked to say the least, but she now understood why she had been quick to change her attitude. "And?"

"She gave me some good advice." She nodded as she shifted the old car into drive. "About transparency…" She added gently.

"I know all about that." Sydney snorted, too preoccupied with her own bitter feelings about that pesky little demon… Transparency.

"Do you?" Tara squinted skeptically - desperate for some more information from the only person that she had ever felt that she'd actually had some kind of transparency with.

Sydney felt her body stiffen in defense - a mode that she had become far too familiar with. "What are you asking?" She bit out.

Tara blinked as she retreated in her seat, realizing that her intentions had been taken out of context. "I guess I just don't know where to draw that line." She shrugged. "You know… Not giving in to him unless he tells me the truth."

"Well." Sydney smiled sarcastically - deciding to throw her a fragment of the bone that she was so desperate for. "I can tell you that when you don't draw the line? It gets ugly. Trust me - you don't wanna see it."

Tara scowled. Maybe this wasn't some kind of power trip at all - something that she had been too conditioned by Gemma to expect - maybe something bad really was going on between them, something like she'd thought all of those months ago…

"With the way that he treats you? I find it hard to believe that he could get ugly." She chortled as she pulled back onto the compound, prying more gently this time. Slow and steady wins the race.

Tara's words felt like a punch to Sydney's already bruised heart - and ego. They were words that she would've taken pride in prior to the incident, because then they had been true. But now they just came as a bitter reminder that purity couldn't survive in this life. Anything that wasn't tainted with blood and smoke would always be too good to be true.

"Yeah, I never said he was the ugly one…" She stared ahead distantly as she spoke the shameful and cryptic words before ripping her seatbelt off.

Tara raised a brow, not relenting until Sydney finally had to look at her as she passed over her drink from the tray. She sighed when she managed to catch her gaze and didn't let go, softening her expression for the older woman that she needed to remember was a friend and not an enemy.

"Just do me a favor and take my word for it, okay?" She widened her eyes sympathetically. "Now that I know better…"

"How do I do that?" Tara's forehead creased.

"Exactly like Gemma said." Sydney nodded. "Make him earn it." She narrowed her eyes.

Tara wished that she could understand it - their affinity with using sex, but after a lifetime of being the usee and not the user, the entire concept just made her feel dirty. She wanted to avoid it altogether.

"I'm not some object that he gets to have as a prize if he behaves." She grinded her teeth together as her eyes slipped shut - digging her skull back into her headrest.

"You are when you look at it like that." Sydney nodded pointedly.

"So how am I supposed to look at it then?" Each word that she spoke become more laced with frustration as Sydney talked so easily about something that she struggled so fucking hard to understand.

"Like you're bigger than him." Sydney stated simply. "He has to earn what he so desperately wants - what you decide if you will let him have." She explained the only way that she knew how - a way that Tara clearly still wasn't following. "It's the same way that you made him earn his way back into your heart." She nodded - trying a softer angle that she hoped the bleeding heart sitting in front of her would be able to comprehend.

"He was always in my heart..." She groaned with a wince.

"Desire can have the most powerful man begging at your feet, Tara. He already loves you, so you don't need to question if he desires you. You just need to make him show it." She nodded.

Tara nodded back slowly as she finally started to understand what it was that Sydney was saying. She wasn't sure if she could do it - wield sex like a powerful weapon - but at least she was starting to understand how it worked.

"Just remember this, okay? You may be the one on your knees, but you have him by the balls." She smirked.

Tara chuckled, hugging her friend goodbye as she processed the wealth of new information - trying to figure out how she fit into all of it… If she even did fit into all of it. But she shook those thoughts away. She was determined to make herself fit.

"Jesus." Sydney muttered as her combat boots brought her stomping into the office where she slammed the black coffee down on Gemma's desk as she rocked her sleeping grandson. "I see why you used to be so worried about that girl." She chuckled as she made her way back to her own desk.

"Used to?" Gemma scoffed with a brow raised as she reached for the paper cup.

"Well." Sydney sat back in her chair smugly. "You gave her your little transparency talk, so you can't be that worried." She challenged with a raise of her own brow as she brought her drink to her curled up lips.

Gemma scoffed, unable to decide if she was impressed, or pissed off by Sydney's intelligence - but it was an intelligence that she hadn't yet decided the legitimacy of, either. Only time would make that clear.

"Hey!" She swatted the air in a scold as Sydney lit up a cigarette across the room. "You're doin it again!" She looked down at the baby in her arms.

"You smoke around him!" Sydney shook her head incredulously.

"Not a pack a day!" Gemma continued to frantically motion towards the door.

Sydney rolled her eyes as she made her way outside, rounding the side of the building where she pressed her back up against the cool bricks and attempted to smoke in peace.

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Happy made his way out of the Tacoma clubhouse, taking his last breath of fresh, pine-filled air before he made the lengthy trip back to Charming. Things had been quiet lately - too quiet, even for him. The northern charters where he had condemned himself to spending his time over the past few months were nice, but he found that nothing satisfied him these days quite like California did, and he was happy to finally have an excuse to return to the one place that had always felt like home.

"Didn't think you were gonna head out without me, did ya?" He could practically hear the shit-eating grin through the taunting tone that came from behind him, looking up to see Kozik trotting down the wooden steps after him.

"Didn't remember inviting you." He quipped back with a smirk.

"Eh, figured a release party is the perfect time for a little family reunion." The blonde man threw his muscled arm around his bony shoulders. "You know, visit the ol' stomping grounds. Don't you think?"

"Yeah right." Happy scoffed, elbowing him playfully in the stomach.

"Sorry, Kozzy-poo." Donut appeared next, shoving his brother of equal stature out of the way as he made his way towards the bikes with Happy. "VIP only." He winked as he pulled his helmet down over his long locks.

"Didn't know that 'VIP' was code for 'scraped the bottom of the barrel'." He shot back.

"Think it's best if you sit this one out." Happy nodded to his friend before pulling on his own helmet - glad that the Redwood native didn't put up a fight. He was trying desperately to get back in Sydney's good graces - hence Donut's presence - and bringing Tig's worst enemy surely wouldn't help him do that.

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After more laps around town than Jax cared to admit, he finally pulled into Opie's driveway where that sense of unbridled certainty that he'd amassed during the months in his best friend's absence began to sink deeper into his chest. He had been able to wear the mask for his club, for his mother, for Tara, even for himself - but he didn't know if he could hide under the veil in the face of the man whose sanity had forced him to wear it in the first place. But as his best friend emerged from his garage with the same look of uncertainty on his face, he felt the curtain of secrecy being pulled a little tighter. He needed to stick this out - for Opie, for Piney, for his father.

The two men said nothing as they pulled each other into a hard embrace that was weeks overdue - something that they both knew but neither expressed.

"It's good to see you, brother." Opie choked out through his tear-filled eyes.

"Yeah." Jax forced a smile. "How was the walkabout?" He grimaced.

Opie looked to the ground, forcing his beanied head into a nod. "I'm doin' okay." He lied.

Jax knew that it was a lie, but he also knew that there wasn't much else for his grieving friend to say - and for that, he was grateful. "What's this?" He nodded towards the old bike sitting in the middle of the garage that served as a perfect distraction from what neither of them wanted to admit. "Holy shit… Panhead EG… '63?"

"'65." Opie nodded as a ghost of a smile came to his lips - grateful for the first normal conversation that he was having back in the town that had robbed him of just that.

"Where'd you find it?" Jax raised a brow, impressed.

"Highway Patrol pulled me over outside of Ukiah… I started bullshitting with him and he turned me onto this used parts guy. Electra Glide was just rottin behind some garage…" Just like he was. "It's all there." He blinked himself from his sorrow. "Stock."

"That'll keep you busy." Jax scoffed.

"That's the plan…"

Jax gave his friend a sympathetic smile. "I missed you, bro…"

Opie chewed his lip. "How's everybody doin'?"

"You know… Gettin' in done." Jax shrugged as he took a seat on the edge of the trailer that held the old bike.

"I heard Syd's been a big help with the kids…" Opie commented.

"Yeah. We made a new deal with the Irish." Jax was quick to gloss over that topic. "We're gonna run handguns up the coast til the ATF heat dies down."

"What does that do to business?" Opie questioned.

"We keep supplying Oakland…" He broached the subject gently. "Just need to figure out who that supply goes to…"

Opie finally realized what that meant. "Retaliation?" He straightened up.

"Yeah." Jax nodded sincerely. "We're sittin down to figure it out - wanted to wait until you got back."

"Hey, Jax." Both men whipped their heads around where they found Mary standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Mary." The blonde man shot her the best boyish grin that he could muster while coming off of a conversation - and internal decision - that heavy.

Opie turned away the second that he saw his mother - the mother that had bailed on him, but had come to the aid of his children when he followed directly in her footsteps.

"He's too skinny, right?" She nodded to her son with a smile as she leaned up to kiss his scruffy cheek.

"We'll beef him up." Jax chuckled, turning towards his best friend knowingly.

"The kids will be so glad to see yo-"

"I got some things to take care of." Opie cut her off, softening his tone as he realized how it sounded. "You mind pickin em up from school, Ma?"

"It can wait, man…" Jax told him gently.

"No." Opie snapped, his teeth grinding as he willed himself to calm down. "I-" He cleared his throat. "I'll see the kids later, Ma." He told them both - leaving no room for negotiation. "See you at the clubhouse." He nodded to Jax before making his way towards his bike.

Jax sighed, turning back to a disappointed Mary as she watched her son walk away from his children, just as she did. "Ope loves his kids…" He assured her. "We just gotta give him a minute."

"Take care of him, Jax." She told him sternly. She knew all too well that loving one's kids had little to do with having the strength to be there for them.

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