The many demons of Tig's past rear their ugly heads all at once after a painful revelation, screaming too loud for even an angel's veil to be able to silence.
General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death, racism/gang activity.
Playlists are available on Apple Music (mssierraalexis), and Spotify (M.S. Alexis), links can also be found on the ARAC Tumblr (aravenamongcrows). Be sure to follow where ask and submissions are open, and m. s. alexis on Instagram (tracking #aravenamongcrows), for exclusive photos, updates, and more!
CHAPTER 39: HIT
;
"Hey, uh…" Tig approached Sydney awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to find the right words for what he was trying to say while she stood in front of the bathroom mirror. "Y-you're on the pill, right?" He didn't know shit about birth control, and if he had, he probably wouldn't have two kids. But what he did know about were condoms - and that they weren't using any.
"You've been raw-dogging me for weeks and now you're concerned?" She snorted, not looking up from where she was gathering her hair into a half-up, half-down ponytail.
Tig sighed as he looked down, not knowing how to respond in a way that told her that he was serious, without the possibility of offending her - not that it would matter...
Sydney stopped her movements and dropped her hand dramatically, releasing a handful of white-blonde hair as she turned to face him. "I'm not some patch chaser trying to trap you." She scoffed.
Tig looked up with wide eyes when she spit the bitter words at him, his expression softening when he saw her biting her lip in a devious smile as she tried not to laugh, looking back down where he chuckled half-heartedly. Never in his life had he been the one to have to initiate a conversation like this, he'd hardly ever been with anyone long enough to even warrant a conversation like this - not even the mother of his children. Colleen had been a mistake; the result of a drunken night with a croweater he'd gotten a little too comfortable with. But it was an easy mistake that had landed him with the lifelong guilt of tainting two innocent lives - and it was an easy mistake that he couldn't handle making twice.
"Don't worry, seeing that baby didn't give me any ideas." She rolled her eyes mock-playfully, continuing to ready herself for the highly anticipated meeting that had her walking down the hallway and towards the chapel with a giant grin on her face, not ten minutes later. She couldn't wait to trump Jax's heroic act - and measly $15k to put towards their debt, with the creativity that had earned her enough to pay it off.
"There's no way McKeevy ain't gonna be delayed?" Clay sighed wishfully, rubbing his rain-coated forehead from where he sat at the head of the table.
"The Irish are a lotta things... But late isn't one of em." Chibs shook his head regretfully, a few stray drops of water falling from the strands of his long, dark-grey hair that Sydney was dying to take a pair of scissors to.
"How the hell are we gonna come up with $25k in the next nine hours…" The President sighed.
Sydney saw Half-Sack sink in his seat out of the corner of her eye. "Well, there is one way..." All eyes landed on her where she sat with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her dark hoodie. "But you boys would have to ask real nicely..." She grinned evilly.
"What are you talkin' about?" Clay wasn't exactly surprised that she had managed to come up with something, but he had no clue what it could possibly be.
"I told you that yesterday would be worth your while…" She mused as she began pulling stacks of cash from under her bulky garment, slamming them down onto the table with authority, all while smirking at Jax.
"Nah…" A grin spread across Clay's face, a round of applause following his quick realization that she had produced enough to pay off their balance. He beamed from the head of the table, feeling the massive weight being lifted from his shoulders with each stack that she laid down - that was until he glanced to his left, and then to his right, then around the table at his whole crew who were celebrating the victory… The victory that was achieved by the one person who'd had no obligation to obtain it.
"You tryin' to buy yourself a patch?" Jax scoffed once the cheering died down.
"Consider it an investment." She smiled sarcastically before the chapel fell silent, anticipating yet another argument between the prince, and princess.
"So, nobody's gonna ask where it came from?" Tig broke the ice, looking around the table with a raised brow.
"No." Everybody answered in unison - not wanting to delve into the possibilities of what Tig and Sydney had done for that kind of cash was the one thing that they could all agree on.
Clay forced a chuckle. "Trammel's assured me that we don't gotta worry about local cops tomorrow, and if we get outta here early enough, we can slip past the feds. San Qua. Sheriff's want this place wiped off the map." He narrowed his eyes. "Any volunteers for pyro?"
Jax tensed up under his first instinct. He knew that Opie was the right choice, but he saw how wrong that had gone the last time that he'd thought his best friend to be right for something in the club - and before that. Things seemed to have been better between the tall man and his wife since their conversation at the fundraiser, as well, so he kept his mouth shut while he wrestled with the internal conflict. He'd pushed so hard for Opie to jump back into SAMCRO, but now his heart was telling him to protect his best friend from everything that he was currently in fear of...
"Yeah, I got it." Bobby raised his hand.
Sydney nodded slowly along with everyone else, but she hadn't missed the twitch in Jax's neck. "What about Ope? I never got to see all that shit that he's so good at blowing up…" She slid her necklace across the chain. "He's trying to prove that he's back in, right?"
"What do you think, VP?" Clay smirked as he watched the checkmate play out before his eyes - knowing that Jax couldn't say no, because if he did, it would not only reveal his broken loyalty, but Opie's as well.
"I'll call him." The blonde man's clean-shaven jaw set harshly as he stared Sydney down from where she sat across from him.
"We get outta here at 9:00 A.M. tomorrow. As for tonight, Unser's got all the info for you two on the truck." Clay looked between Tig and Juice. "Go when it gets dark, take it to the warehouse, load up the barrels. Princess, you're comin' with me and Chibs to drop off McKeevy's cash."
Jax and Sydney shared a panicked glance that temporarily tabled their standoff. "I thought we weren't using the barrels?" Sydney questioned before the VP could - knowing that Clay only would've seen it as yet another sign of treason.
"Unser's not reporting the truck stolen until we're done with it. We take our drums and leave it on the side of the road."
"It's not the stolen truck that we need to worry about." She pressed further. "The feds are looking for any kind of probable cause, and transporting petroleum over state lines is illegal."
"So what is it that you suggest we do?" Clay raised a brow impatiently.
"Transporting petroleum over state lines is illegal..." She stalled as she put her on the fly thinking, to the test. What was she suggesting that they do? "But transporting car parts isn't." She got it. "We use the empty part crates - give them no reason to think twice. There's no harm in being too careful."
Clay didn't enjoy the shower of bullets that his leadership was continuing to take, but she had a point, and she had just saved their business - if he agreed with her, maybe it would help stop any future suspicions that would likely arise from his growing power struggle with Jax, about him being an unreasonable leader. "Pack 'em up." He nodded over his shoulder to Half-Sack who scurried out of the chapel to get the job done as the smack of the gavel concluded the session.
"Thank you." Jax mumbled out of the side of his mouth as he exited the chapel next to Sydney.
"Don't thank me yet." She scoffed, turning sharply down the hallway where she made a beeline back to Tig's dorm.
"Thought you said you need Jax to trust you?" Tig's voice came from the doorway almost the second that she'd closed it behind her.
"Needed." She corrected, unclasping her necklace and placing it on the nightstand before beginning to strip down. "That's over now."
Tig sighed, rounding the bed until he was in front of her where he grabbed her hands, stopping her from removing the sports bra that she'd been wearing underneath the oversized garment. "You told me that we can't bring personal shit to the table - that we can't judge him if we do the same thing." He looked into her eyes sincerely as he shook his head.
"You think this is personal?" She scoffed. "There ain't nothing personal about it. If he wants to keep suggesting that he doesn't give a shit about this club, I'm gonna keep making him prove that he doesn't." She spoke with finality, giving him a curt nod as she stalked into the bathroom, and closed the door behind her.
;
"You dose it?" Tig nodded to Juice as they stood on the other side of the chainlink fence, watching Unser's guard dog scarf down the steak that Juice had hopefully put the sedatives in.
"Triple dose." The Intelligence Officer nodded confidently. "Fido's about to have the night of his life." He chuckled as he watched the doberman trot off, pulling out the bolt cutters where he tried to line them up properly.
"Like that." Tig nodded to the full patch that still behaved entirely like a prospect - which only made the fact that Jax had been his sponsor, make that much more sense...
"Ow." The Puerto Rican man whined as the lock finally snapped open. "Which one?" He asked as he pulled the gate open, scanning the row of semi-trucks that laid behind it.
"Unser said to take the cargo truck - keys should be in it." But Tig was cut off by a snarling that he shouldn't have heard... "Holy shit..." He blinked as his eyes landed on the rabid looking dog that began running straight for them.
"Shit! Run!" Juice yelled.
"Shit!" Tig took off towards what he hoped was the right truck, as fast as he could.
"Run! Run!" Juice screamed as he easily overtook the older man, bolting towards the driver's seat where he swung the door open, and climbed into safety.
"Open the fucking door!" Tig hollered from the passenger side that just so happened to be locked, the noise drawing the animal's attention to him as Juice launched himself towards the passenger door handle, and swung it open.
Tig breathed a sigh of relief as he climbed in, just in time - but the air was ripped right back out of his lungs as he felt a searing pain ripping through the back of his jeans before he could get the door closed.
;
It had finally stopped raining by the time that evening rolled in, leaving the small town with a dark, gloomy blanket of dampness as Sydney, Chibs, and Clay got ready to head off to the warehouse to meet McKeevy.
"Guess you're gonna need that." Jax whipped the small duffle bag full of cash, at Clay.
"Guess I will." The President smiled sarcastically. The VP's petty efforts didn't bother him this time, because he knew that he was just jealous that he hadn't been the one to save the day, after all.
Sydney raised a brow, chewing the inside of her lip to stifle a smirk as she watched Jax pout before pulling on her helmet, firing up her Ninja, and leaving the useless man in her wake as she sped off to the warehouse where, just as Chibs had said, McKeevy arrived right on schedule - and with a better attitude than last time.
"I'll be back down next Sunday." The Irishman nodded, clearly surprised to see that their bluff hadn't ended up being a bluff at all as he accepted the bag full of cash, with wide eyes. "Meet at the ports with the barrels, as usual." He nodded.
"Eh…" Clay hesitated, not wanting to get into another altercation with the foreigner after he had narrowly escaped the last one.
"We've come across an issue with the oil barrels." Sydney interjected, looking at Clay tentatively as she spoke to McKeevy, who had a brow creased in concern. Clay didn't say anything, blinking his approval for her to put whatever excuse she'd come up with, to use. "A couple of survivalist groups out in forest bunkers off of the highway." She nodded to the tree line that surrounded them. "They've been giving us some trouble for the oil. The man that we lease this land from just had a tanker stolen the other day, actually." She nodded thoughtfully. "Need it for their generators, I guess."
"Is this a problem?" McKeevy looked to Clay and Chibs.
"No, sir." Sydney stole his attention back. "We've come up with a new method of transport." She gestured behind her to the stacks of part crates. "We've done a few test runs, they ain't interested in motors and mufflers. We figure it's better safe than sorry, especially with the fragility of your cause." She jabbed with a sarcastic smile, for the disrespect.
"Okay." Was all that McKeevy could muster diplomatically to the mouthy little girl.
"Alright, I guess we'll see you Sunda-" Clay stuck out his hand to close out the sale when he was cut off by his ringing phone.
"Thank you, sir." Sydney smiled gratefully, stepping in front of Clay and shaking the man's hand to cover for her President as Chibs did the same.
"What?" Clay scowled, turning away from the group. "He got what? By a doberman?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing as he slapped his palm over his wrinkled forehead. "Okay, bring the truck here and we'll get him to the clubhouse." He blinked incredulously.
"Everything okay?" Sydney slinked away once Chibs and McKeevy began hollering to one another in their thick accents.
"Tig got his ass bitten by Unser's guard dog." He sighed. "Call Half-Sack with the van, and Tara with the medical."
"Tara?" Sydney was more surprised to hear the doctor's name coming out of his mouth, than she was to hear about what had happened.
"She owes us." Clay sneered before walking off.
Sydney squeezed her eyes shut. Regardless of her lack of involvement in how Clay had found out about Tara, she knew that Jax would make sure that the blow back would land on her. She flipped open her burner as she chewed on her bottom lip, scrolling through her contacts where she quickly summoned Half-Sack to bring the van, but her heart sank as she continued scrolling, to realize that she didn't have Tara's number. Fuck.
"Yeah." Jax spoke wearily into his burner as he accepted the call from a number that he didn't recognize.
"I need Tara's number." Sydney sighed.
"Why?" He scowled deeply. He didn't understand what the dynamic was between the two women - Tara had known about her and Tig, and she had obviously felt comfortable enough to tell her about Kohn, but she hadn't been comfortable enough to give her phone number?
Tara hadn't reached out since Kohn had left town - not even for her thirtieth birthday, and all of those pesky little details were pointing to the one conclusion that Jax had been so desperately trying to ignore, the one that Stahl had led him straight to; that she had just been using him to get rid of Kohn, all along. Her demon was gone, thanks to him, so she could go back to her cozy, successful, and serious life - she didn't have a need for him anymore.
"Tig needs stitching up, something about Unser's security dog." Sydney rolled her eyes impatiently.
Jax snorted, deciding to take this as his own personal victory against the Sergeant. "310-369-8253." He rattled off the number that he still knew by heart. If she had been using him, then he didn't have to feel bad about using her. This was a business transaction, and she was in his debt.
;
Tara sat at her kitchen table, drumming her fingers over the open catalogue that sat on top of the oak surface that she used to eat breakfast at everyday as a kid. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion from the laps that her mind was running, trying to figure out what the hell it was that she wanted, now that she no longer had a need to stay in Charming. She was free to go anywhere that she wanted, but for some reason, she didn't feel like she could. It was like she was stuck between universes - somewhere in the middle of her past, her present, and her future.
Her head snapped up when her phone began ringing, her heart speeding up immediately as she swiped the offending device, and lifted it to her ear before she could think too much about it. She didn't want to live in fear, anymore - didn't have to live in fear, anymore. "Hello?" She spoke wearily down the line. Just because she didn't want or have to live in fear anymore, didn't mean that she was going to be able to...
"Hi, Tara. It's Sydney." She was relieved to hear the familiar voice that came from the unknown number that she had prayed wasn't Kohn - that was until she remembered what the conniving little gash had done; manipulating her into hoping that Jax would kill him, then ratting out her intentions and filling his mind with poison. She had no doubt that Gemma was the mastermind behind the whole thing, but she knew that Sydney was too smart to be taken advantage of - she had to have been in on it.
"Hi." The brunette replied curtly, staying on the line only because she thought that the reason for her call, may have been about Jax; the one thing that she not-so-subconsciously knew was keeping her from bolting straight out of town - which, ironically, was the exact thing that had sent her bolting, all of those years ago...
Sydney was taken aback by her cold greeting, but she didn't have time to think about the tone of the uptight woman's voice as she ran through the few details that she knew about the situation.
"Okay." Tara reluctantly agreed, figuring that, if anything, maybe helping out the club would show Jax that she hadn't just been using him to do her dirty work.
Sydney finally snapped her phone shut after the frustrating conversations, reminding herself that it was about the result, not the process, as she walked out to the front of the warehouse where Tig and Juice had arrived in the stolen cargo truck.
"Jesus Christ." She laughed as she opened the passenger door to see Tig clutching his bleeding ass. "I thought you guys were gonna drug the meat?" She craned her neck over his injured form to look at the Not-So-Intelligent Officer.
"I did!" Juice nodded furiously. "That thing should've been dead! That bag had like, two grams!"
"Grams?" Tig scowled. "Two grams of what?"
"The crank from Darby!" He blinked incredulously.
Sydney cackled as Tig's face went white as a sheet. "You fed crystal to a killer doberman?" He deadpanned. "Are you retarded?"
"No!" He explained with a confidence that faded as he quickly realized after hearing it out loud, that his brilliant idea hadn't been so brilliant, after all - practically leaping out of the truck where he began loading up the crates before he would have to explain himself any further.
"You know…" Sydney turned Tig's attention back to her. "Somethin' about this seems familiar..." She tapped her bottom lip with a smirk.
"Both times were not my fault." He insisted with a raised finger.
"Mhmm…" She hummed playfully. "Tara's gonna stitch you up - no bounty hunters." She winked, nodding to Half-Sack as he pulled up with the van and ran out to help Tig transfer vehicles.
;
Tara blinked uncomfortably among the eerie silence that filled the room as she sewed up the deep wound in Tig's ass as he laid out over the table with his pants down, no laughter or playful banter, no small talk, nothing.
Sydney watched Tara's shaky hands carefully - hands that she would hardly expect to see on a doctor, on a surgeon. She exchanged occasional glances with Jax from across the table, or with Tara herself who seemed to be actively avoiding them, but what caught her attention most were the glances that they exchanged with each other - which were just as uninviting.
"Okay, take these." Tara handed Tig an orange bottle of pills once she was finished. "Morphine - it's all I have. I couldn't take anything from St. Thomas." She looked apologetically to Jax rather than Tig, knowing that the medication was far stronger than he needed, but she had a feeling that he wouldn't mind.
"Alright, thanks, Doc." Tig nodded as Tara took her leave. She was right, he definitely didn't mind the extra dosage.
"Hey, thanks." Jax caught up with Tara as she scurried through the empty bar, touching her arm gratefully. He'd fully intended on keeping up the closed off facade that she seemed to be mastering, but he couldn't, that wasn't him - not when it came to her.
"Yeah." She replied shortly, and somewhat awkwardly as she blinked out of his soft blue gaze that she had allowed Sydney to taint. "Make sure that Sydney keeps an eye on the stitches for any signs of infection."
"You talk to her?" Jax looked back into the chapel where the blonde was helping Tig down off of the table.
"No." Tara followed his gaze briefly before pulling her eyes away from the sore sight. "I don't need to."
"Thought you guys were friends?" He scowled.
"Yes, well..." She smiled sarcastically as she clutched her medical bag closer. "I guess things aren't always as they seem."
"Yeah." He scoffed. "I guess not." He gave her a condescending once over before stalking out the door.
Tara opened her mouth to call after him, but she couldn't make herself say the words, because she didn't even know what the words were. She didn't want Sydney and Gemma to get the satisfaction of destroying whatever it was that she and Jax had started up again, but she also didn't want them to get away with manipulating him into hating her. If they were going to crash and burn again, she wanted it to be on her terms this time, not his mother's.
;
Juice helped a wobbly Tig get to his room, wincing as the Sergeant's weight dug into his shoulder as he tried to keep him upright while Sydney trailed behind them with a smile at the amusing display.
"You're wiping my ass when I need it!" The drugged up Sergeant slurred to the horrified Puerto Rican.
"Come on, man... That's what you got an old lady fo-"
"Nope." Sydney cut him off with a shake of her head.
The bald man grimaced at the thought, allowing a full-body shudder to encase him before taking his leave, hoping as he jogged down the hallway that Tig was just fucking around. but he had a feeling that he wasn't.
"I'm gonna pass out, you should sleep at your house tonight." Tig gurgled from where he laid on his back with his eyes closed, still fully clothed.
"Um, okay." She'd expected him to want her at the clubhouse while he was in pain - and with the excuse of an early job taking place - but she didn't fight it, figuring that he was likely just tired, pissed off, and uncomfortable. "I love you." She bent down and kissed him on the cheek.
"You too." He mumbled, sparing himself of the depressing sight by keeping his eyes closed.
Sydney felt her forehead crease as she straightened back up, making her way out of the clubhouse feeling more deflated than she thought was warranted, but she couldn't figure out why. She shrugged it off as she climbed into her car, chalking it up to the unusual worry of club secrets being found out - something that she'd never had to deal with before, especially in the predicament that she was in where one wrong move could land her on the blacklist.
;
Tig spent the evening tossing and turning, struggling to get to sleep even with the heavy drowsiness from the highly potent pills. "Sack!" He screamed blindly through the dead air, not bothering to even lift his head from where he was slumped over on the bed.
"Yeah?" Half-Sack panted once he reached Tig's door. "You need me to call Syd?"
"No. Whiskey." He mumbled.
"Uh, aren't you supposed to like... Not have alcohol with prescription p-"
"I said whiskey!" Tig wasn't looking for a lecture on mixing substances, he would've let Sydney stay if he wanted that. "You call her? You lose that kutte." He ordered over his shoulder.
Half-Sack reluctantly made his way to the bar in search of a bottle, purposely grabbing the one that was almost empty, so that hopefully Tig wouldn't be able to do too much damage to himself.
Tig rolled over when Half-Sack returned, swiping the bottle that he barely got the lid off of before he drained it of every last drop and let it fall to the floor, tipping his head back as he waited for the effects to kick in.
But the effects only made his already foggy head, foggier as the ceiling fan eventually blurred, and a new sight began to take shape before his eyes as the white blades spun into a mass of white-blonde hair. "Baby..." He mumbled as she twirled around, laughing as she held out her hand for him. He reached out, her hand almost in his grasp when suddenly, her lightness was whisked away by a dark cloud.
He squeezed his eyes shut as the shadow began to split, features emerging as they formed the face of the reaper, staring at him tauntingly from the sky that began to fall down around him. He shook his head, turning to look for her through the darkness that seemed to clear, his heart sinking as he saw it. The scene of the accident. The paramedics covering her body.
"Jules…"
"Uh, no." A voice startled him as he turned to see an EMT behind with her brows furrowed as she looked down at her clipboard. "Sydney Harding, did you know her?"
"No..." Tig dropped to his knees as he felt his entire body go numb. "No, no, no, no... Not again." His eyes filled with tears as he shook his head pleadingly.
"You've lived a whole life without me..."
"Baby?" He sprung to his feet when he heard her voice. "Where are you?"
Sydney's words continued to echo around him as he frantically searched the crowd of spectators, looking for some hope that she was okay, that she wasn't dead, that this was just some sick joke.
"You've lived a whole life without me." He heard her again, looking up to the sky where the reverberation rippled through the thickened air around him. "You've lived a whole life without me. You've lived a whole life with out me. You're going to live without me. " Her angelic voice turned demonic as the darkness returned to the sky, the face of death reappearing as it spoke her words before reaching down and plucking her lifeless body off of the pavement.
"No!" Tig screamed, lunging forward as the reaper dropped from the sky, and swallowed him whol-
"Dude!" Happy burst through the door to see Tig standing in the middle of his room, screaming incoherently.
Tig turned towards the source of the noise that had startled him out of whatever the fuck that was, to see the reaper standing before him. He fell back onto his wound, yelling out in pain as he blinked rapidly before the haunting images finally melted away to reveal where he was, and who was standing in front of him.
"The hell are you doing?" Happy was thoroughly confused until the bright orange bottle of pills caught his eye, which then fell to the empty whiskey bottle on the floor. "Idiot." He scoffed, helping his wounded brother up where he got him back in - well, on - to bed.
Tig couldn't speak as a state of mental paralysis assaulted his body, nodding to Happy as thanks for his help while his heart pounded, and his forehead beaded with sweat as he tried to return to reality. But the second that his head hit the pillow, he fell asleep.
"Here we are." The giddy nurse handed a teary-eyed Sydney the tiny baby girl, wrapped in a bright pink blanket.
Tig looked down at the baby - at their baby - where she laid in her mother's arms with beautiful blonde hair, and bright blue eyes. His heart exploded in his chest as his eyes swam with tears before he fully broke down. Never did he think that he would get this chance again - that he would even want this chance again, but here he was, happier than he'd ever been in his entire life, because for once, everything was perfect.
"Do we have a name?" The nurse asked the new parents as they gazed upon their perfect daughter.
"Yeah." Sydney grinned, looking up at Tig. "Her name is-"
"Alexander Trager?" A.T.F. burst through the heavy door of the hospital room where an entire squad unit quickly flooded in. "You are under arrest for the murder of Lowell Harland Sr., Ernesto Rodriguez, and Ezekiel Fortuna."
"No…" Tig whispered as he saw them pulling out a pair of handcuffs. "No, no, no. Not now." He shook his head as they took him to the ground harshly before turning their attention to Sydney.
"We're going to have to take the child, Mrs. Trager." The man reached for their baby.
"What? No!" Sydney screamed, looking to Tig, but there was nothing that he could do. There never had been.
The baby started crying as it was ripped from Sydney's arms, sending her thrashing against the officers that held her down to the bed while tears streamed down her face. "How could you let this happen?" She screamed at Tig where he laid against the floor, helplessly.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry." He cried from underneath the cop's knee.
A particularly heavy sob woke Tig from his deep sleep, looking around the room once again, but this time his eyes were blurred with tears. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that it had only been a bad dream, but the relief didn't last long as he realized that it may not have been real, but it soon would be if he continued down this path.
He hobbled to the bathroom in search of water, ignoring the stinging in his ass as he gulped straight from the tap before splashing some onto his face, hoping that the shock would sober him up enough to fight off the drowsiness. He couldn't sleep again, not if that was going to be the result.
He padded back across the room to his bed, stripping off his heavy jeans and shirt that were now soaked in sweat before he sat back against the headboard where he could feel his eyes immediately rolling back into his skull. "No." He shook his head frustratedly as he realized that he had no control. The pills wouldn't let him stay awake, and his demons wouldn't let him sleep the horrors away. He was condemned to suffering no matter what he chose, which he supposed was what he had been destined for, all along...
Tig was tearing down 44 with Sydney alongside him on her Ninja, egging him on to go faster as she threatened to pull ahead. He looked over at her and smiled in challenge, watching as she gripped her handlebars with determination as they rounded the bend to see the excavation equipment digging up the bones - the bones of Tig's past.
"What's going on?" Sydney reduced her speed, flipping up her visor where she looked back at him, recognizing the look of worry even from underneath his sunglasses.
"Uh… I don't-" He blinked as he tried to come up with a believable lie.
"Woah! Stop!" Tig pulled his eyes away from her to see Hale waving his hands in an attempt to warn her, but it had been too late.
He came to a screeching halt, almost launching himself over his handlebars as he watched Sydney's bike go down after she'd ran right over the spikes on the road. The black bike tumbled with her body, bouncing harshly across the pavement before it finally came to a stop.
"No…" Tig whispered, racing over to where she laid, unmoving. "No!" He rolled her over, but the face that he saw beneath the helmet wasn't hers. "Jules?" He whispered in shock.
Her aqua coloured eyes snapped open; the eyes that he never thought he'd look into, ever again. "You're going to kill her, Alexander." The same demonic voice travelled over her cherry red lips.
"W-what?" He jumped back.
"You're going to kill her, just like you killed me."
Tig woke up, panting and yelling for the third time. But this time, he knew exactly where he was, and what had happened - grabbing the empty whiskey bottle and whipping it harshly against the wall, letting out a pained cry as it shattered loudly. He let the heavy tears fall from his eyes, knowing that he wouldn't be able to stop them, even if he tried. The last dream had quite literally been the nail in his subconscious coffin, he knew that he couldn't avoid it any longer.
;
Sydney had woken up early and excited for what havoc the morning's job had in store, placing her empty plate into the sink and pouring her second cup of coffee when she heard a knock at the door. Her forehead creased. She wasn't expecting anybody, and it was far too early for morning visitors. She tucked her Glock into the waistband of her satin, pink pyjama pants as she creeped towards the front door and peered into the peephole, chortling when she realized that it was just Tig.
"Hi." She opened the door with a warm smile, setting her gun down on the small table by the door before tiptoeing to peck his unmoving lips. "I hope your ass isn't too sore, cause I got somethin' fun planned later." She cocked her brows before turning down the hallway. "I didn't know you were coming or I would've made more breakfast." She frowned as she walked backwards, an apologetic pout on her lips before she reached the kitchen. "I do have fresh coffee, though." She smiled as she bounded towards the cupboard for a clean mug before reaching for the steaming coffee pot.
"Sydney." His serious tone snapped her out of her cheerful haze, halting her eager movements and sending a chill through her buzzing veins. She turned to face him, seeing for the first time what a wreck he looked like - which she hadn't noticed amidst her excitement.
"W-what's wrong?" Her voice shook, her hands following suit.
"We can't do this anymore." He whispered, shaking his head as he looked down at his boots.
"D-do what?" She struggled to keep her voice level as the chill in her veins turned to pure ice.
"You and me." He looked back up regrettably, knowing that he needed to look her in the eye like a man - no matter how much he didn't want to. "It's just a matter of time before someone gets hurt."
Sydney blinked as she set the mug down onto the counter before folding her arms in front of her chest. "How many pills have you taken?" She raised a brow. She knew that this wasn't him, it was his insecurities.
"You think this is just the painkillers talking?" He grimaced.
"Yeah, kind of." She scoffed.
"What you said…" He looked back down, shaking his head. "You were right. I've already lived a whole life without you, and you'll have to live a whole life without me when I get myself killed or locked up." He looked back up at her with pain behind his eyes. "I can't give you what you want… What you deserve."
For the first time in Sydney's life, she was speechless. She had never expected someone to be having the 'I'm too dangerous' conversation with her, especially when he had been giving her exactly what she wanted, all along. What she didn't want was to be sheltered and protected - which, ironically, was the whole reason that he'd come to this decision.
"Wha-" She cleared her throat, shaking her head as she attempted to refocus herself after the words bitch-slapped her like never before. "What brought this on, then?"
"It's been on my mind for a while." He chewed his lip as he nodded sincerely.
Now Sydney's mind began to race. She'd spent weeks thinking that she was just paranoid for worrying that she wouldn't be what he needed, he had let her think that she was weak for thinking that she wouldn't be what he needed, when, as usual, she'd been right on the money the whole time.
"When I told you not to break my heart…" She blinked incredulously through her state of shock. "And you said that you couldn't even if you wanted t-"
"I never thought you'd give me the chance to do it." He answered before she could even finish the question.
Sydney felt her heart collapse inside her chest as she stared blankly at the hardwood floor behind where he stood in front of her. This was no longer a bitch slap, it was a gut punch.
As soon as the words left Tig's mouth, his own heart collapsed - breaking through the tough exterior that he'd put up when he'd told himself that what he was doing was the right thing. But the pain in her face was enough to silence any demon, doubt, and dark thought that he'd ever had about their relationship. He would happily suffer through a lifetime of nightmares if it meant that he could take all of this back.
"Syd-"
"So I really was just another conquest, like they all told me I would be." She mused. "A harder checkpoint for you to see if you could get past."
"No." He shook his head. "Not at all." He needed to fix this, but he had no idea how to reverse the damage that his cowardly action had done. "I-
"Well I guess I really was right all along, then… Thinking that I wasn't what you needed." She cut him off, chuckling humourlessly as the threat of tears strained her voice before she looked away.
"No, baby." He shook his head, taking a step towards her. "You're more than enou-"
"You know what I liked about you?" She cut him off again as she whipped her head back towards him, stopping him in his tracks as her anger began to trump her sadness. "The fact that you could handle me, made me feel like I wasn't too much. But I guess I was wrong in thinking that you were enough." She sneered. She'd let him do exactly what Happy tried to warn her of; cloud her confidence.
"Sydney, I-" His voice cracked.
"Get out." She shook her head, looking away from him once again.
"Please… Baby, I just-"
"Don't insult me with more bullshit excuses." Her neck snapped up once again as she raised her voice and stalked up to him where she stood on her tiptoes. "Get out of my sight." She snarled.
Tig looked into her eyes - the eyes that once sparkled for him, the eyes that now showed a passionate fire fuelled by the pain that he had so stupidly allowed himself to cause. He respected her wishes, not wanting to hurt her anymore as he turned to leave with his head down, and his ears ringing. If this was the right thing, then why did it feel so wrong?
;
Songs for this chapter
Too Close - Alex Clare
Monsters - Shinedown