Tig finds himself back in Nevada, but it isn't smooth sailing this time as he finds himself drowning in his demons, even while stranded in the desert. Meanwhile, Sydney does what she can to fill the void that he left in her heart, but an unexpected visit only manages to widen it.

General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death, racism/gang activity.

Playlists are available on Apple Music (mssierraalexis), and Spotify (M.S. Alexis), links can also be found on the ARAC Tumblr (aravenamongcrows). Be sure to follow where ask and submissions are open, and m. s. alexis on Instagram (tracking #aravenamongcrows), for exclusive photos, updates, and more!

CHAPTER 41: NO REST FOR THE BROKENHEARTED

;

"Trouble in Nevada. Tig says that the Mayans got Jury and the rest of Indian Hills trapped at the Vegas clubhouse." Clay sighed from the head of the table.

Sydney tensed up when she heard Tig's name, immediately reaching for the necklace that she hoped would shield her fidgeting from the inquisitive eyes that she could feel surrounding her, before realizing that it wasn't there. She took a deep breath as she felt the panic filling her lungs, the unease locking her throat, the concern heaving her chest - transferring her worry to the first thing she could think of; Happy. But the distraction didn't hold much weight as she tried to force herself to stress about her best friend who was likely on his way to Indian Hills to throw the Sergeant a beating, when she knew that he was easily the safest lone rider out of the bunch.

"Because of what we did?" Jax raised a brow.

"We don't know anything." Clay shut him down, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

"Were we followed?" Opie suggested, looking to what remained of their lookout crew.

"Who would follow us?" Bobby scoffed.

"ATF?" He stated with a brow raised, as if it had been the most obvious explanation - because it was.

Sydney's panic attack was temporarily curbed by the tall man's theory; a theory that she needed to keep off of the table before it could be too heavily considered. "ATF followed us, didn't arrest us, then went and told the rival gang what we did in order to kick off more violence. Yeah? That makes sense to you?" She spoke incredulously before tossing Jax an explanatory glance. They knew one fed who would definitely do something like that.

"Maybe one of the Mayans saw you while you were having your temper tantrum and called Alvarez." He retorted with a shrug.

"Hey! This was not her fault." Jax raised his voice, the irony of the situation not being lost on him when just the other day Opie had been defending her against him. "You saw what happened, those Mayans had no clue that they were about to be ambushed." He shook his head.

"Is there any way that the Mayans could've found out that we were bringin' up the guns to Indian Hills?" Chibs offered up.

"Why go after Jury and not the truck?" Clay knew that there was a vital piece of the puzzle missing here. "We lay low until we find out what this heat is about." He concluded with a stern glance around the table, not worrying too much about going underground when no one had been hurt, the threat wasn't local, and they wouldn't be doing any gun sales until McKeevy returned on the weekend.

"We need to talk." Jax mumbled into Sydney's ear as they led the group out of the chapel.

"Ride with me." She nodded as she stalked towards the door.

;

Tig sat on the bed in one of the visitor's dorms in the Indian Hills clubhouse with his head in his hands, and a bottle of whiskey on the ground. He sighed as he lifted the heavy glass - a sign that he clearly hadn't drunk enough - but the liquid courage only seemed to taste like poison these days. He cursed himself for letting his demons win, letting his doubt cloud his judgment and taint his mind.

He pulled out his wallet, ignoring the tightening in his chest as he forced himself to remove the pictures that he'd placed there just weeks before. He ran his thumb over her smiling face in the photos - the photos from the night that she told him that she loved him... He felt the pinch behind his eyes, grumbling in frustration as he stuffed them back into his wallet, and sucked the tears back. The old Tig never would've struggled to kick a girl to the curb, but things were different with Sydney; there was something about her that could soften even the hardest of men. It'd been so easy for him to fall back into old habits, good habits - the habits of the romantic and emotional man that he'd buried underneath the rough appearance and menacing leather kutte for so many years. He should've known that very first day that he met her, when he'd seen it with Happy... But instead, he was stuck with the misery of experiencing it first hand.

He reached into his pocket, brushing his fingers along her necklace where he felt his heart clenching again, this time even harder. He took a deep breath as he wrapped his large hand around the small pendant, closing his eyes as he tried to conjure up the good luck that it seemed to bring her. He was terrified that if he gave her enough time to hate him as much as he currently hated himself, he would never be able to get her back.

;

Sydney gunned it up her street with Jax in tow, she was in no mood to hang around the clubhouse and face the inevitable questions that would come after her actions had made it so obvious that something was off, rolling into her garage next to her car.

Jax parked in front of the sizeable brown house, watching from his bike as Sydney removed her helmet and walked up to her front door without a single regard for him, or what he was doing. He scowled for a few seconds before he realized that she wasn't intending on holding the door open for him - ripping off his own helmet and jogging up the pathway after her.

"You got a nice place…" He drew out as he admired the tasteful art that lined the hallway of the modern-style home while he followed her to the kitchen. The blonde man wasn't quite sure what he'd expected out of her house, but it sure hadn't been this.

"Acting and looking like trailer trash is enough, if I had the whole package then I couldn't exactly call it an illusion." She mused as she moved around the kitchen, gathering ingredients - hating how foreign her own voice sounded in its lifelessness as she tried to joke.

"Darlin'… You do not look like trailer trash." Jax smirked as he tucked a cigarette behind his ear.

"There's beer in the fridge. It won't take long." She rolled her eyes with a small smile.

"Are you gonna cook for me, Princess?" He flashed a cocky grin.

"Well-" Sydney rolled her eyes again, moving to the fridge to grab him a beer since he wanted to stand around and gloat instead. "It doesn't look like Tara will be doing much of that any time soon, and I have a vacancy. Call it pity." She smiled sarcastically, sliding the glass bottle across the marble countertop of the island before turning towards the stove.

"Trouble in paradise?" He twisted the cap off with a scowl of genuine concern. It had been obvious that something was up, but with Sydney and Tig who did things less than traditionally, something was always up. He hadn't expected whatever was going on with them to last longer than they were able to keep their hands off of each other.

"Somethin' like that." She spoke distantly as her chest tightened at the thought, refusing to put her energy into anything other than the slice of bread that she was buttering.

"There's somethin' that we ain't seein' here with the Mayans…" He changed the subject, sensing that it wasn't open for discussion.

"I know." She agreed, finally turning back to face him. "You don't think Trammel would set us up, do you? Some kind of payback for his friend getting killed." She mused with a squint of suspicion.

"Nah, I don't think so." The thought hadn't even crossed his mind, but now that she brought it up... "I mean…" He blinked. "It would make sense, but why would the Mayans go after Nevada?"

"That's true, and Trammel didn't know anything about us bringing them guns." She nodded, concluding that their ally on the force was not to blame - this time. "The only thing that makes sense is being tailed, there were no cameras or anything out there." She shook her head in disbelief.

"I know." Jax nodded somberly. He didn't want to think that Kohn was anything other than an isolated incident, but it was starting to look like a very real possibility that he might've had other corrupt partners looking to finish the job that he had cut short...

"Are you sure that Kohn is gone?" She narrowed her eyes.

"I was thinking the same thing, but I watched him leave town. Had a police escort straight to the airport and everything." He shook his head incredulously.

"Another enemy on the force?" She wrinkled her brows before turning to flip the sandwiches.

"That's where my mind is at." He sighed.

"Well, you know what they say… An enemy of my enemy is a friend of mine." She bit her lip, contemplating who could possibly have a vendetta big enough against the Sons to join forces with someone as slimy as Kohn. "Hale?" She raised a brow.

"If Hale could be bought, we'd have him."

"Maybe you've just been offering the wrong currency." She scoffed.

"I don't know…" He sighed. "He doesn't like having us around, but I don't think he would go dirty to take us down - not after Kohn was stripped for doing the same thing." Sydney nodded her agreement. She wasn't completely ready to scrub Hale's name from her list of culprits, but the VP had a valid point. "I'll find out." She nodded before turning back to the burner.

Jax raised a brow in question, but he should've known that he wouldn't get an answer. He chortled, peering over her shoulder to get a look at the questionable meal that she was planning on serving him this time. "The result, not the process." She snickered, nudging him backwards. "It's almost done, go sit outside." She nodded to the sliding glass door next to the dining table.

Jax bit his lip wearily, but he did as he was told - snagging an extra beer from the fridge as he made his way onto the spacious deck that sat in the middle of an even more spacious backyard.

"Have an open mind." Sydney disclaimed as she set the plates down onto the glass tabletop of the weathered patio set that had come with the house.

"I'm tryin', but…" He winced as his mind drifted back to the last time that she cooked for him.

"I promise that this meal is free of any scovilles." She held her hands up in a scout's honour until he finally picked up the sandwich and began examining it's contents. "Jackson." She sighed. "Don't make this harder on yourself. Just take a bite."

Jax bit the bullet - literally - and sunk his teeth into the toasted bread of the odd sandwich. He was pleasantly surprised when his first reaction was not rejection, his expression of uncertainty falling immediately as the unconventional combination of flavors invaded his mouth and shocked his taste buds by just how well they mingled together.

"Good, right?" She grinned once she saw the satisfaction overtake him.

"What even is this?" He spoke with his mouth full before taking another bite.

"Grilled peanut butter and jelly, with bacon." She replied plainly as she picked at her own sandwich.

Jax raised a brow at her nonchalant response, chortling when she didn't flinch under his questioning gaze before reaching for his beer and sliding hers closer to her.

Sydney unscrewed the lid from the beer that he'd brought out for her. She would've much preferred whiskey, but she would save that for when she was alone - she didn't need him asking any more questions.

"Can I ask you something?" She broke the silence that they had eaten in as they stared out over the hills that rolled beyond her backyard. Jax looked to her curiously, nodding as he squinted in the sun that was getting lower in the sky. "Why can't you always talk like this?" She scowled. "Smart, open minded, respectful." She joked.

"I don't know…" He scoffed at the jab.

"Something happens to you when you sit at that table… When you're around Clay..." She nodded thoughtfully. "You become a different man... Like you're stuck between who you are. and who you want to be." She surmised gently. She genuinely enjoyed the company of the VP when he wasn't troubled by the club, but as soon as anyone else was around, it was like a switch flipped and he became someone different; someone blinded by hate, someone weak.

"It's the same reason that you can't talk to anybody about Tig." He looked into her green eyes with a blinding sincerity. "We both got expectations of us - things that we have to be at the table, things that bleed into who we are. There's no stopping that." He shook his head.

"Yeah." Sydney chuckled humourlessly. "I guess you're right." She nodded, not having expected an answer that she could understand so deeply. "We should try to keep our chats off the table." She decided with a nod.

"Thought that went against your little club moral compass." He brought a cigarette to his lips.

"It does." She nodded. She wanted to enter the brotherhood clean, but if she could pull some strings behind the scenes to help Clay and Jax see eye to eye - she would. "But in the end it will be better for the club."

"I don't think your old man will enjoy that too much." Jax couldn't help himself from pushing the envelope as he took a drag.

"Yeah..." She looked down at the grass below her bare feet. "We don't need to worry about that."

"I knew this had to be some breakup food." He nudged her arm with a smirk, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Figured we could both use it." She lit a cigarette of her own.

Jax should've known that he wouldn't get away with prying, unscathed. "She say anything to you about that?" He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Nah." Sydney shook her head as she took a drag of her own. "Old history's got her all twisted up."

"Yeah." Jax scoffed, switching places with her as the one wanting to do the subject avoiding, now.

;

Tig was pulled from his self-loathing by the faint sound of a Harley outside of the Indian Hills clubhouse. He tabled his sorrows, going into full Sergeant mode as he stalked out of the hallway and into the bar with his gun in hand.

"It's just one of your guys." Cherry reported from the window, her heart skipping a beat when more of SAMCRO began pouring in…

"One of ours?" Juice scowled, looking to Tig for an explanation before the black double doors to the clubhouse busted open to reveal but one, single man.

Before Tig could begin wondering who was there and why, he got his answer when his eyes laid on the lone rider, and he knew exactly why he'd made the trip.

"What the hell did you do, prick?" Happy's long strides carried him over to Tig quickly, delivering a hard punch to the Sergeant's jaw before he could answer.

"Oh, come on, man. I know-" Tig began before he was cut off by an even harder punch that sent blood pouring from his mouth as he was knocked back.

"I told you not to fuck her around." Happy growled, kicking him to the ground.

"I know." Tig stayed down, clutching his throbbing jaw. "I fucked up." He spit out a mouthful of blood that he hoped didn't contain a tooth.

"You ain't gonna fight back?" The bald man scoffed.

"I deserve it." He shook his head.

"That's the same pussy ass reason that you ain't gonna fight for her." The black-eyed man scoffed at the sorry excuse. "I knew you weren't good enough." He spit down onto the ground next to his face, walking out just as quickly as he'd walked in.

Juice looked at his battered Sergeant in horror, still trying to process what had just happened. "Here, why don't you go let him know about the Mayans, I'll get him cleaned up." Cherry tried to diffuse the situation as she helped Tig up from the ground, hoping that the sweet bald man that she'd been talking to, could help calm his much angrier counterpart.

Tig didn't flinch as he sat on the edge of the bed while the little brunette dabbed his bleeding wounds clean. He stared straight ahead, not caring to try and get a look at her tits that were practically in his face, as he likely would've done before.

"This about some pussy back home?" Cherry heard what the scary tattooed man had said, but even if she hadn't, the lifelessness behind Tig's eyes would've told the story.

"My old lady." He corrected with a defensive growl.

"The girl from your pictures?" Her hopeful heart hadn't been able to forget the belligerent man bragging about his trophy of a woman the last time that he had been drunk in Nevada, which hadn't been that long ago - even if it may have felt like forever...

"Yeah." Tig bit out.

"Sounds messy..." She mused as she pressed a bandage to his cheek.

"Nah, it's not what you're thinking." He pulled away. "They're family."

"Oh, so you've known her a while then." She nodded sadly. She'd been stupid to think that something could work with Half-Sack. She'd only just met him, and he was only a prospect - she couldn't just jump charters for someone who didn't even have a patch, not after what she'd done...

"Nah." Tig chortled. "She kinda came outta nowhere… Knocked me on my ass." Cherry felt herself perking up at the news that mimicked exactly how she'd felt about Half-Sack. She'd spent years with Indian Hills in search of an old man, and she always knew that one day, she would find one. But she hadn't ever considered that maybe, it would be him finding her...

"I fucked that all up though." His regretful sigh drained the hope from her eyes, once again.

"Why?" Her brows knit. The way that he'd beamed about her to anybody who would listen - including the sweetbutts - no more than a week ago was definitely not the action of a man who'd intended on fucking things up.

"You heard what he said." Tig hung his head as he recounted the words that had hit him much harder than any of the punches had. Happy had been completely right, he'd let Sydney go because he felt like he deserved to suffer. And now he would.

"Sounds like that saying… You wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it." Cherry mused, watching Tig's brows wrinkle. "You know it's like, you never expected to get what you wanted." She explained. "Now that you have it, you don't know how to keep it. So you sabotage it."

Now her words were the ones threatening to knock him out. Tig wanted someone that he didn't have to protect, he got it. Sydney wanted someone that could handle her, she got it. The exact reasons that they had fallen in love with each other, were the exact reasons that were tearing them apart. The difference was that Sydney had pushed through because she loved him, and now he had to do the same. He had to make things right.

"Thanks, doll." He lit up as he stood from the bed with his newfound realizations, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. "You should go." He nodded with a knowing smile.

"What? Go where?" She scowled. It couldn't be…

"The prospect." Tig winked.

"Okay." Cherry smiled. She had given him the push that he needed, and he returned the favor.

;

Sydney sat at the diner in her usual back booth after a night of drowning her feelings in whatever alcohol that she could find laying around her house after the semi-enjoyable in cahoots meeting with Jax had ended. Luckily, it had done the job and she'd passed out by 9:00 P.M. with no sadness, no nightmares, and by the grace of God - no nasty hangover. But that hadn't stopped her from being drained of the energy to cook at the early hour - or even really eat, for that matter - she just knew that she didn't want to be alone with her thoughts for any longer than she had to be, and she was dreading the day shift at the office where she knew she would be receiving looks and questions from everyone, rather than distractions.

"Why so glum, sugarplum?" Doreen refilled Sydney's coffee mug, pouting at the normally chatty - and hungry - girl who had sat down without a peep, and hadn't put in an order.

"Ah, rough night." She sipped the hot liquid in hopes of deterring any further questions from the middle-aged woman.

"Why don't you call David? I'm sure he'd put a smile on that pretty face."

Sydney snorted into her coffee, shaking her head as she set the white mug onto the speckled tabletop. She had hoped to run into the cop sooner or later so that she could find out what he knew about the Mayans, but she wasn't going to give the redhead the satisfaction. She rolled her eyes playfully, taking another sip of her coffee before the door chime grabbed her attention where she looked up to see none other than David Hale standing at the hostess' booth, and Doreen shooting her a shit-eating grin. She scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief before plastering on the cheesiest smile that she could muster up for the blue-eyed man.

"Well, I guess I won't be in for a boring day." Hale approached Sydney where she sat against the back wall by the window; the same place that they had sat just weeks earlier.

"Hi, Davy." She greeted, putting every last drop of energy that she had into keeping up her usual bubbliness. "You here to make a lonely girl a little less lonely?" She leant against the seatback and propped her feet up on the table.

"I would, but from what I've heard, you've got quite the roster waiting to fill the empty seat." He raised a brow.

"Oh, I do." She smirked. "But none of them tickle my fancy quite like the Deputy Chief."

Hale found himself quickly succumbing to her pull even after everything that he'd learned in recent breakthroughs regarding SAMCRO, shaking his head as he turned his attention towards the kitchen. "To go." He nodded.

"Awe, don't tell me you found someone who excites you like I do." She pouted.

"Now that would be a tall order." He scoffed.

"That's right." She bit her lip, nodding seductively before he winked and took off out the door as quickly as he'd come through it.

"See, I told you that he would get you smiling!" Doreen squealed as she rushed over and shook Sydney's arm excitedly.

"Yeah, yeah." She rolled her eyes playfully.

Sydney pondered the encounter on her way to the clubhouse, cursing Tig - the only thought that she would allow herself to give him - for knocking her off of her game, if she had been in a normal frame of mind, she would've been able to get Hale to tell her exactly what she'd needed to know.

She couldn't tell if his reaction had been what she'd discovered to be his usual discomfort under her flirting, or if it was deflection fuelled by guilt. But the more that she thought, the more that she felt like maybe Jax was right; he seemed too good to go dirty.

"Haven't seen too much of you lately." Gemma commented by way of a greeting as Sydney entered the office.

"Club's been busy." She tossed her purse onto the floor by her chair.

"How's that going?" The Matriarch slid her reading glasses off and tossed them onto her desk.

"Good." Sydney squeezed her eyes shut as the short answer that she hadn't been able to conjure up enough energy to elaborate, left her mouth. Even though it was sincere, and sounded as such, she knew that it wouldn't satisfy her.

"How about Tig?"

For fuck's sake. She knew that the question had been coming, but she wished it would've come later than 8:00 A.M.. "We're over." She spoke coldly, dropping herself into her chair where she immediately busied herself with the stack of papers in an attempt to avoid eye contact.

"What?" Gemma exclaimed. For once, the President hadn't privyed his wife on any of the current events in hopes of keeping her from blowing things out of proportion when he was trying to keep them contained. "Since when?"

"Yesterday."

"What happened?"

"Exactly what you said would happen." She scoffed.

"What'd I say?" Gemma had said a lot of things, she could've been referring to anything - this was Tig that they were talking about, after all.

"You were right about all of it." She shrugged. "Transparency, these guys needing a woman that they can control, him not being cut out for a relationship."

"I wasn't right about that." She stood from her desk and walked over to where Sydney continued to avoid her.

"Oh yeah?" Sydney scoffed, finally meeting her eyes.

"What'd he do? Cheat?" Gemma figured that had to have been the only thing that Tig could do, that Sydney wouldn't put up with.

"No." She blinked back out of her gaze.

"Then why did you break it off?"

"I didn't." Sydney snapped as she slammed her hands down on the desk. To say that Gemma was shocked to hear that Tig was the one who had dumped her would be an understatement, but her shock was cut off by a loud Harley pulling up right outside of the office doors - the two women looking up with knitted brows where they saw Happy riding in with a little brunette on the back of his bike.

"That's not your girlfriend?" Sydney scowled when he entered the office, wondering how on earth another woman could've earned themselves a spot on the coveted bitch bar of Happy Lowman's Dyna.

"I don't have a girlfriend." Happy hid the smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "She's from Nevada, wants to talk to you." He nodded towards Sydney. He and Cherry had decided that it would be best for her to talk to Sydney about Tig. The sweetbutt wanted to help the Sergeant who had given her the courage to follow her heart, and Happy knew that Sydney was far more likely to listen to an outside source, than she was to listen to him.

Sydney looked at the short girl who was chatting with Bobby across the lot, then back at Happy, seeing those unnaturally wide eyes that she knew were hiding something - and there was only one reason that a piece of road pussy would come to Charming looking for her.

Gemma felt her heart speeding up as she watched the scene unfold, looking between Happy, Sydney, and the little tart who had dared to violate the rules of the MC world. She watched the young blonde grow angrier and angrier the longer that the room stayed silent, until she eventually slid her chair back and stomped out of the office.

Happy scowled when Sydney stormed past him. He'd thought that he had been doing a good job at concealing his true intentions with his straight face, but apparently he was wrong.

"Why the hell would you bring her here?" Gemma stomped up to the man that most people wouldn't dare come near, without a drop of fear as she scolded him with a finger in his face.

Happy flinched under her unexpected wrath, he didn't understand why nobody seemed to think that the idea was as good as he did, but he knew better than to disobey an order from The Queen. "Sorry." He nodded. "I'll get her out." He turned towards the door.

"No." She stopped him with a slender hand on his bony shoulder. "I got it."

Sydney focused on nothing but her incredibly heavy breathing - the only thing that was helping her hold back the tears as her feet carried her to Tig's dorm. As if he hadn't humiliated her enough privately, he had to go ahead and do it publicly, too. She barely had any comprehension of what she was doing as she gathered all of her belongings from the small room, emptying her drawers in his dresser and her cabinets in his bathroom on autopilot. She was so focused on not breaking down that she'd finished without even thinking to look for her necklace.

Half-Sack did a double take when he saw Cherry across the lot, talking to Bobby who was clearly trying to divert her attention from where he was working in the garage. He couldn't believe it. She was there. She was actually there. But was she there for him?

"You got a lot of nerve comin' here…" Cherry looked up to see a gorgeous middle-aged woman talking down to her from where she stood, much taller in her strappy heels.

"I know I'm not supposed to be here, okay? But he-" She didn't want Tig or Happy to get into trouble after they'd helped her. "Just let me go talk to-"

"You will not be talking to anybody here. You got that?" Gemma cut her off. "Get her the hell out of here, now." She ordered Bobby who grabbed her arm and began walking towards the gate.

"But-" She pulled her arm from his grasp, looking to Half-Sack for help, but he just ignored her. He was in no position to cross Gemma - who clearly wanted her gone - especially after what she had done to him.

"Let's go." Bobby nodded softly to Cherry, doing his best to silently let her know that things would only get worse if she fought back.

The Indian Hills woman hung her head, feeling tears pricking at her eyes. She'd been out of her mind to think that she could pull this off. "Get me the hell out of here." She walked hastily behind the older man.

Gemma's heart broke for Sydney as she watched her toss her bags into the back of her car, and peel out of the lot. She'd been there before; a sweetbutt getting too comfortable and thinking that they could show up for something more… She shook the painful memory away. Digging up old shit would only cause more harm than it was worth.

Sydney continued her blind actions as she found herself skidding to a stop in front of her house, racing through the door where she collected anything that belonged to Tig before getting back into her vehicle and speeding back to the clubhouse, not caring if it earned her another ticket.

"Sack!" Half-Sack was quickly spun around from where he was anxiously in the middle of an oil change, half-expecting to turn around and see Cherry, but instead he found Sydney, shoving her keys into his chest. "Take that shit from my backseat and put it in Tig's room." She walked away before he could ask any questions, leaving him even more stunned and confused than he'd been before.

"That was rough." Gemma nodded when Sydney returned to the office. But as bad as she felt, she wasn't finished gathering her intel.

"Sure was." Sydney smiled sarcastically.

"Sweetheart…" Gemma sighed. "Those girls don't mean anything. They need to be reminded of their place when they step out of line like that."

"It doesn't matter." Sydney shook her head. "It's like you said." She nodded, hoping that the flattery would ease up the prying.

"What I said was true at the time. Things changed." She nodded thoughtfully. "I said that before I saw how much he really loved you." She'd hoped to convey the depth of her statement through her eyes, but Sydney wouldn't meet them. "Look… It's not easy, that shit." She nodded out the door. "I've been there before... With two husbands."

Sydney looked up in shock. She never would've expected Gemma to have fallen victim to the road clause, let alone falling victim to the road clause twice. There really was no hope.

"But they don't think like we do." She shook her head. "They think in the moment. Tig is just upset, and the best way that he knows how to deal with any kind of emotion is with booze and pussy."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Sydney scoffed. "To know that he's running around the desert, fucking anything that moves because loves me?" She mock-pouted.

"No." Gemma smirked. "But I hope you know that it ain't as deep as it feels. Tig will be back, and I know that he will do everything that he can to make you see that."

Sydney forced herself to nod, not being able to come up with a response that wouldn't open the floodgates, and she wasn't going to do that. "Speaking of relationships… I need to talk to you about Tara." She switched gears. Normally she would've preferred much more lead up to this kind of bold conversation, but the vulnerability had her feeling desperate for an accomplishment to balance the scales, and she figured that if there was any time that Gemma would throw her some pity answers, it would be now.

"About Tara?" Gemma scowled.

"What do you know about her and ATF?" Sydney had been waiting anxiously for Jax to accuse her of leaking Tara's involvement with Kohn, and she hoped that this conversation would help clear her name with the VP when it inevitably came back to bite her in the future.

"Well, I know that she had that restraining order against him, was scared… That's why I gave her that gun." She nodded as she tried to figure out where Sydney was going with this. "Then she pissed him off and he came after Jax."

"I need you to keep Clay clear of it."

"Excuse me?" Gemma scoffed.

"I know that you think that him knowing will protect Jax from Kohn, but it won't." She shook her head, hoping that she could pull on some of those mama bear heartstrings. "I'm helping Jax get it under control, but whatever their beef is has them blinded by each other, they can't see the bigger picture." Gemma nodded with her lips pursed. "Look, I know that you don't like Tara, you want Clay to help with that, I get it. But anything that Clay wants right now? Jax goes in the opposite direction - vice versa. This staying quiet means that I can help protect them both not only from Kohn, but from each other."

"Okay." Gemma agreed. Sydney had a point that she couldn't deny; she knew that Clay was losing control over Jax, she'd known it for months. If this was what she needed to do in order to keep her boys - and her secrets - safe, she would.

;

Half-Sack felt like he could jump out of his skin by the time that his shift in the garage finally ended. He was beyond antsy to find out why Cherry had come, and what Tig had done, and he knew the one place where he could get answers to both.

Sydney looked up from her glass of wine when she heard a knock at her front door, wondering which of the SAMCRO women had come to grace her with their presence now, since she hadn't heard a bike. She sighed as she pushed herself up from the table, which had become the only place that she was able to sit in her house without thinking about Tig.

"Hey." Half-Sack spoke eagerly as soon as the door opened. "I brought you some dinner." He held up the takeout bag from the diner. "Thought maybe, you know, you wouldn't want to cook..."

She couldn't help but smile at the sweet gesture, and pleasant surprise - even if she knew that it was just because he was curious about Tig. "Well, at least you aren't kissing my ass empty-handed." She chortled, opening the door to invite him in. "I hope you got yourself something too?" She nodded to the bag.

"Oh…" He blinked. "Uh, no, I ate earlier. It's okay, I'm not even hungr-"

"I guess we're sharing mine then." She took off down the hallway.

"Nah, Syd, it's okay. You need to eat-"

"If you want me to tell you anything, the least that you can do is keep me company. Sound good?" She cut him off as she stopped abruptly and whirled around to face him where he almost crashed into her.

He looked at her with fear in his eyes, searching her face for an indication that this was a set up. "Uh, yeah!" He answered finally when she raised a brow.

"Good." She nodded and turned back around, her hair whipping him in the face in the process. "So, what are we eating?" She questioned as she gathered plates and cutlery.

"Burger, fries, and some pie… Doreen said that you needed something sweet."

"Of course she did." Sydney snorted as she rolled her eyes, grabbing two beers from the fridge before joining him at the table.

The pair ate in relative silence other than Half-Sack's awkward comments here and there about the food, until he finally worked up the courage to ask what he'd been itching to know all day...

"So, why was that girl here?" He tried to speak casually, but Sydney could see by the way he fidgeted with his fork and scratched his head, that this was anything but a casual question.

"Why does it matter to you?" She countered.

"It doesn't." He shrugged.

"Kip." She narrowed her eyes.

"I was with her, you know, in Nevada... Kinda liked her." He shrugged.

"Sounds like it was more than kinda…" Sydney's heart broke all over again to find out that not only was she a victim of what took place this morning, but he was, too.

"It could never work though, right?"

"Right." She didn't have the heart to tell him why the brunette had really made the trip, hoping that a confident answer from someone that he trusted would be enough to protect him from the truth.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He sighed sadly.

Sydney smiled softly. She loved that even though she knew that the poor kid was crushed, he had the strength to smile and act like it didn't matter to him.

"What about Tig? You, uh, you think that could never work?"

"Not anymore." She shook her head.

"Maybe things could be okay… You know, when he gets back…"

"Fighting with me before a run? I know the rules Kip…" She whispered, staring blankly into her beer bottle.

"Yeah… I guess so." He agreed sadly. He knew the rules too.

;

Songs for this chapter

River - Eminem ft. Ed Sheeran

IDWK - 347aidan & Kenny Beats

when the party's over - Billie Eilish