Sydney's plan to drown her misery in tequila and men takes an unexpected turn, leaving her gasping for air as she crumbles under the weight of heartbreak and humiliation.

General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, mentions of drug use/overdose, violence/death, racism/gang activity.

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CHAPTER 43: STRIPPED

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Sydney squeezed her eyes shut as his lips met hers again, as if she was bracing for the impact - the impact of the voices in her head that the alcohol had somehow only managed to muffle. She exhaled through her nose as she relaxed her muscles, bringing her hands to his neck as she tried to focus solely on the physical aspect, since the mental one was doing her absolutely no favors. She didn't want to think about what she was doing, why she was doing it, or who she was doing it with. Her discomfort finally began to fade as they found a groove that wasn't a clear indicator that he had no idea what she liked - unlike Tig who'd just seemed to know so naturally. His hands clutched her waist as things slowly began to heat up, until she wove her fingers into his hair - his straight, blonde hair, and she felt her entire body go ice cold.

Jax's forehead creased slightly when he felt her stiffen like a brick in his arms, but he quickly composed himself, keeping his eyes closed - the entanglement was meant to be a distraction for her, not a reminder. He squeezed her hip as he deepened the kiss, picking up her slack and carrying the rhythm until he felt something that he couldn't ignore; a wetness against his cheek.

"Hey..." He pulled away with concern, tilting her chin up to see that tears had started spilling down her cheeks.

"Um, I-" She pulled her face from his grasp as she shook her head, searching for an excuse, but it was no use. She knew that even if she was capable of coming up with something, it wouldn't have passed. "Why?" She squeaked as she stared at the ground as everything came crashing down. She hated Tig, what he'd done to her, what she'd resorted to because of him. She was better than this, and because of him she'd become something that she had always despised; weak."Why did he-" She couldn't finish the sentence as a pained cry swallowed up her words.

"Because he's an idiot." Jax lifted her head and nodded sincerely as he stared into her reddened eyes, realizing as the floodgates opened that this was going to require much more than a generic pep talk - which he was in no state of mind to give. "Okay? The guy's a fucking joke - everybody knows it." He tried anyways.

"I-I love him, Jax." She blinked out of his gaze.

Jax nodded slowly as he brushed his thumb over her moistened cheek. He knew all too well how she felt, because despite everything that Tara had put him through, he still loved her, too. "I'm sorry." He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight, swaying back and forth as soothingly as he could while she shook in his grip. It was the only thing that he could think to say; sorry that she was so hurt, sorry that he hadn't been a better man, sorry that he was there to witness the breakdown that she had clearly planned to ignore for as long as possible - and when she finally decided to face it, it surely wouldn't have been in front of an audience, let alone him.

"He doesn't e-even care." She cried into his chest, her words were broken up by sniffles and sobs as his tightening arms around her - and the drunken stupor - gave her no choice but to surrender. "He j-just th-threw it away like n-nothing." Her complete lack of control over the painfully honest words tumbling from her lips was only making the blow that much worse. She wasn't embarrassed that he'd stopped - this wasn't the first time that she'd stopped a man, and at this rate, it wouldn't be the last - what she was embarrassed about, was that she was violently sobbing in the arms of her biggest rival, and it was over something as trivial and preventable as a man.

"I know." Jax nodded, stroking her long hair with his jaw clenched. He could tell that she was more angry than anything - whether it was angry with Tig, or angry with herself - and it was another feeling that he knew all too well as he began to feel his own anger seeping in.

"H-he said he was gonna m-marry me." The high pitched squeak of her voice pulled him from his own inner turmoil, looking down at her as she shivered so hard that her chest began to heave.

"Sydney." He pulled away gently, guiding her to sit down on the bed while still holding her. "I need you to breathe." He tried to initiate some kind of eye contact, but she wasn't having it.

"I can't-" She took a deep, shaky breath that barely reached her lungs before another chorus of sobs broke out.

He looked frantically around the room, knowing that he had to do some good after initiating such a mess. "I'll be right back..." He nodded reassuringly as he wiped some stray tears from around her eyes so that she would be able to see that he wasn't leaving her, before getting up and stepping into the bathroom.

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Happy jerked awake at the sound of his ringing phone, blinking a few times as he tried to lift himself off of Maya's couch from under her weight - a feat that he hadn't planned on when he'd agreed to come over. "Yeah?" He spoke down the line with no indication that he was anything less than alert, just a few seconds ago.

"Hey, you still in town?" Jax squinted hopefully.

Happy flinched when he looked down to see Maya glaring up at him where she was no longer asleep, and clearly unhappy about it - no thanks to the zero effort that he had put in to try and be quiet. "Yeah." He answered.

"Think you could come down to the clubhouse?" Jax's anxiety began to pick up. "It's Syd, she-"

"What happened?" His black eyes widened as he straightened up. "She okay?"

"She's pretty upset..." Jax winced while listening to the muffled sounds of heartbreak coming from outside the door, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he stared at the tiles below his sneakers. Happy was supposed to be his safety net, but even the stoic Nomad sounded worried...

"Where is she?" Happy stood from the couch abruptly with no regard for Maya who tumbled off of his chest.

"In your dorm, I'll stay with her until you get here." Happy nodded, forgetting that his gesture couldn't be seen through the phone before he snapped it shut and reached across the seatback for his kutte, pulling it on and stalking towards the door.

"Hello?" His long strides were stopped by an angry voice, turning back to see Maya scowling at him deeply. She didn't appreciate being woken up on a good day, let alone being woken up and tossed around with no explanation, especially when a she was involved.

"I have to go." He glanced down at the phone in his hand. He'd thought that much had been obvious, but apparently not.

Maya exhaled sharply through her nostrils, forcing herself to calm the temper that had caused her countless problems in the past - which was only amplified after being so rudely awoken. "Okay." She nodded, remembering who he was, and that technically, there was no label on their relationship - if this even was a relationship. "I'll see you later?"

Happy nodded, saying nothing else as he slipped through the front door, leaving no trace of his presence other than the frustration in Maya's chest. She groaned once the door closed, rolling her eyes as she stomped into the kitchen and poured herself a drink. Happy's silence was something that had both irritated her, and intrigued her when she'd met him, but right now she was heavily focused on the former.

;

This kind of emotional tidal wave would've been hard to surf on a good day, but Sydney stood no chance against the turbulent waters while she was drunk and heartbroken. She became painfully aware of how loudly she was crying in the empty room, sitting up and reaching for one of the pillows behind her, but losing her balance and falling back - thanks to the dizziness that was beginning to set in - which only made her cry harder. She curled up into a ball, shutting her eyes and biting down on her fingers to try and stop her chattering teeth until she felt herself being lifted from the bed once again.

Jax placed Sydney on the bed in the new room - Happy's current room. If the blue eyed man was sober, he probably would've told himself that he was moving her to help ease her guilt, but he didn't have the capacity to trick himself, he knew that his actions were completely self-serving by not wanting Happy to catch on to what had gone on - especially while she was this intoxicated.

He looked down at her sadly as her tears quickly soaked the fresh pillowcase, crouching down as he brushed the damp hair out of her face where he found himself feeling almost glad for the outburst, because things would be much less complicated this way. "Hap's coming, okay?" He spoke softly, hoping that the news would calm her down enough to ease his worry until Happy could take over. The action seemed to work as a bit of the sting in her chest subsided, and her heavy sobs reduced to silent tears and deep breaths, thankful that she at least wouldn't have to sleep alone.

Happy's worry hadn't faded even after finding out that Sydney wasn't harmed as he sped the entire way to the clubhouse, skidding onto the compound where he didn't bother properly aligning his bike with the railing as he ripped his helmet off and stomped inside. In his world, Sydney sad enough to warrant a housecall may very well have been worse than Sydney getting hurt.

Jax flinched when the door to the dorm flew open, looking up to see Happy standing with a deep scowl as he assessed the scene. The blonde man nodded curtly before getting to his feet, walking over to give an explanation that he hoped would satisfy the Tacoma Killer, but he wasn't given the chance as the bald man stormed past him and over to Sydney where he wrapped her in his arms - a gesture that only reignited her sobbing.

"Que paso?" He asked her quietly, but not invasively, knowing that a proper explanation would take some warm up - especially if she was as drunk as she smelled.

Jax took this as his cue to leave. He gave a sympathetic smile to nobody in particular before heading out the door, thankful that the situation had worked itself out before things got too ugly - and before he had to face an interrogation.

"Where you goin'?" Happy's razor sharp tone cut right through the VP's falsified sense of relief when he noticed him trying to slip out. He'd had his suspicions when he got the call, then again upon his arrival to see Sydney so inebriated, but the only thing that had stopped him from cornering the blonde man right then and there, was the fact that he was unharmed - which he wouldn't have been if he had tried anything that Sydney wasn't okay with.

"Couch?" Jax tried to keep his cool, wishing that the ordeal hadn't sobered him up as much as it had, because now he could feel his voice shaking with deceit as the fear joined in to mingle with his guilt.

"I'm gonna have questions." Happy narrowed his black eyes.

"Whatever you need." He nodded before shutting the door, exhaling the breath that he'd unintentionally been holding.

"Que paso?" Happy repeated now that they were alone as he tried to pull her off of him so that he could look into her eyes.

"Hap..." Sydney wailed, lifting her face from his chest where she'd completely soaked the white t-shirt that he wore underneath his kutte.

"What happened?" He repeated himself, firmer this time as he grew impatient. He knew that it had to be something serious if she was crying like this, and in front of Jax, nonetheless.

"I'm a mess." She shook her head pitifully.

"Why?" She lowered her head out of his gaze. Even completely shitfaced, she was coherent enough to know how much the truth would disappoint him; the person who had devoted years of his life to teaching her that she was better than everything that she was feeling right now. "Because of him?"

The softness in his tone brought on another wave of throat-blocking sobs. "I-" Her eyes clung to the rarely seen softness behind his that gave her a sliver of hope that maybe he wasn't disappointed in her. "I'm supposed to be h-happy. I'm g-getting everything I w-wanted." Her rapid breathing began to slow, turning to hiccuped blubbering. "I'm s-supposed to be at my strongest, b-but I'm weak." Her voice cracked as the painful words left her lips, looking back down as fresh tears coated her cheeks.

"You ain't weak." He shook his head. As much as he hated to see her like this, he was glad to see that for the first time since her dad's death, she was finally getting out some of her emotions rather than bottling them up and ignoring them.

"Look at me!" Her head snapped up as she screamed at him, her heart clenching as she crumpled immediately, weeping into her knees as she pulled them into her chest.

"You're gonna make yourself sick." She just shook her head in protest, burying her face further in her knees as she continue to choke on sobs. Happy knew that Sydney could handle her liquor better than most men, but she had to be very intoxicated if she was slurring her deepest sorrows in an extreme display of emotional exertion that had her this hysterical. "Stay here." He stood from the bed.

Jax had gotten himself somewhat comfortable on the worn leather of the old, beat up couch that occupied the clubhouse. He laid facing the seatback, growing restless as a pit formed in his queasy stomach the more that he thought about the events that had transpired. He sighed, turning over where he came face to face with Happy. "Fuck, man." He flinched, shooting up from the makeshift bed.

"How much did she drink?" Happy's question was phrased more like a statement - a statement that demanded an answer.

"I don't know." Jax widened his eyes as he rubbed his temple. "Fuck ton of Tequila, way more than I had." His blue eyes shifted uncomfortably when he realized what he may have just alluded to.

"Why's she cryin'?"

"Shit with Tig… It's got her pretty messed up." He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"That doesn't sound like her." Happy searched the younger man's face for any trace of dishonesty.

"I tried to take her to bed... Took her to his room without thinking, that's what started it." Technically, it wasn't a lie...

"Okay." He nodded, disappearing just as quickly as he'd popped up.

;

"Drink." Happy held the glass of water to Sydney's mouth, trying as hard as he could to be patient with her as her quivering lips struggled to wrap around the rim of the glass.

As if Sydney hadn't experienced enough shame tonight, the second that the water trickled down her throat, she felt it - throwing her hand over her mouth and running to the bathroom. Happy watched in amusement as she stumbled in her heels and fell to her knees in front of the toilet, walking over where he gathered her long hair in his hands.

"Told you." He smirked as she threw up pure alcohol.

"Fuck off." She managed before heaving again, expelling more liquid.

After what felt like hours of retching with no end in sight, the rejected contents of Sydney stomach soon turned black, indicating alcohol poisoning - as if things hadn't been bad enough.

"Should go to the hospital, little girl." Happy shook his head as she choked on stomach acid.

Sydney shook her head, more tears coming to her eyes at the thought. She tried to take a deep breath, knowing that it would induce more vomiting, which was exactly what she wanted. She wanted to rid her body of all of this; all of the tears, all of the sadness, and all of the vile fucking substance that made her act like this in the first place.

"Need to shower this off then." Happy needed her to sober up as much as possible so that she could sleep this off if he was going to let her off with no visit to the ER to get her stomach pumped.

All Sydney wanted to do was go to bed and silence her conscience, but she knew that Happy wouldn't be having that. She nodded when she finally felt stable enough to stand, bracing herself on the edge of the bathtub while he helped lift her to her feet, guiding her over to the sink so that she had something to lean against.

"You gonna be okay?" He raised a brow as he looked deep into her eyes.

She hesitated before nodding as her head got heavier and heavier by the second. Normally, she would've appreciated his help while she was so incapacitated, but she had finally managed to calm down, and the last thing that she needed was for him helping her undress to trigger another episode.

Happy respected her wishes, giving a curt nod before he started the water. "Door open." He ordered before setting out in search of something that she could sleep in.

Sydney stumbled around the bathroom trying to shed her clothing before she finally managed to strip off the constricting garments, climbing into the shower where she jumped back when she felt the temperature of the water - stumbling back against the wall where she managed to catch herself. "Hap, it's too cold." She whined when he came racing in to be sure that she hadn't fallen.

"Need to sober up." He shook his head.

"Hap." She pouted.

"Girl." He narrowed his eyes until she finally turned back towards the water, walking over and taking a seat on the closed lid of the toilet seat so that he could be sure that she saw the task through.

Sydney took a deep breath as she stepped under the icy stream, closing her eyes as she thoroughly wet her hair and let the water trickle over her face. Her body shivered under the unforgiving temperature and before she knew it, she was crying again. It was peaceful this time, though, the hot tears were a pleasant contrast to the cold water, and the sound of the shower raining down onto the floor of the bathtub masked the sounds of her sniffling.

Happy waited a generous twenty minutes for her to finish up when she proved to enjoy the cold water more than he'd anticipated, starting to worry again when he realized that he didn't hear anything beyond the curtain. "Syd?" He got no answer. He stood from the toilet seat and ripped the shower curtain back, his expression softening when he saw that at some point she had sat herself down on the floor of the bathtub, and had fallen asleep under the apparently soothing stream.

"Hey." He shook her shoulder, waking her as he shut off the water. "Bed."

Sydney immediately began shivering as she regained consciousness, taking his outstretched hand as she tried to keep her balance before he wrapped her in a towel and left the room so that she could change into the t-shirt and shorts that he'd put on the sink for her.

After getting dressed, Sydney looked at herself in the mirror. She took a shaky breath, wishing that her vision was as blurry as it had been before the sobering shower, because the image that she was faced with was not a pretty one. Her eyes were red, and her face was puffy - despite the cold water which had turned her lips blue. She instinctively reached for her necklace, blinking in surprise when her fingers made contact with the soft cotton of the shirt instead - forgetting once again that the gold pendant was still in Tig's room. Her lips started quivering as her eyes welled up, angrily turning away from the mirror and stomping out of the bathroom where she crawled into bed and buried her face into Happy's bare chest.

"You're getting me all wet."

"Put your shirt back on then." She managed a watery laugh as she clung to the comfort of his warmth. If there was anything that could still bring her some kind of joy in a time like this, it was annoying Happy.

"You ruined my shirt."

"I did not ruin your shirt." She rolled her eyes through the tears, hugging him tighter until she finally began to drift off to sleep in the favorable location, the only thing stopping her was the pit of guilt that began to form in her stomach - a pit that was only getting wider as she cuddled up next to another man. She took a deep breath, telling herself over and over that she had nothing to be guilty for. Tig had left her, and nothing that she did tonight could be worse than what he was doing right now.

;

Happy slept soundly on his back, as he usually did - waking when he felt Sydney stirring against his chest. His eyes opened slowly as the warmth spread through his body; a pleasant, nostalgic feeling that he had grown unaccustomed to since she had gotten with Tig.

"I miss this." He heard a faint whisper as he rubbed her still slightly damp hair between his fingers, his brow creasing as he took his eyes off of the ceiling fan; wondering if it was his conscience talking, or if it had been her - getting his answer when he felt her nails tracing the tattoos on his chest.

Sydney felt like she'd been hit by a bus both physically and emotionally as she laid across Happy's chest. She had vastly underestimated the combination of a bottle of Tequila, and a broken heart, finally working up the strength to sit up where she winced in pain as she did so.

"You need food and water." Happy ordered the second that she was stable.

"Yeah, yeah." She groaned, swatting the air behind her as she rubbed at her throbbing eye sockets.

"Why'd Jax call me?" He had waited long enough for proper answers, now that she was coherent - and seemingly calm - he was going to get them.

"I don't know." She tensed as he immediately thrust her back into the exact situation that she had spent all night trying to forget.

"You wouldn't be cryin' in front of him for no reason."

"I'm fine." She lied, hating how well he knew her in this moment - she knew that he knew, but she couldn't make herself say it.

"You were in rough shape last night."

"Drop it." She snapped. She didn't want to think about last night. Any of it. For once, she wished that she was someone who could black out, but instead she was stuck with the burden of a memory that she wished she could permanently erase. She had been stupid to think that hooking up with Jax would make her forget about Tig, because now she had to forget about them both. She'd thought that being heartbroken and drunk was bad, but she was quickly realizing that being heartbroken and embarrassed was much worse.

"You should talk to her." Happy leaned up on his elbows, nodding with his strong chin. "The tart from Nevada." He was confident that Tig would be doing everything that he could to make things right when he got back, but Tig was known to be a wildcard, and after last night he had no idea if Sydney even wanted him back - but if anyone could change her mind, it would be Cherry.

"So I can have my heart broken all over again? Make a fool of myself like I did last night? You taught me better than that." She spit angrily.

"I didn't want you crying over pussies that only wanted one thing." He shook his head. "Love is different, you gotta feel that shit."

"Yeah?" She cocked her head back with a snarl. "And what the fuck would you know about love?"

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Que paso? - "What happened?"

Songs for this chapter

Hit Me Up - Danny Fernandes, Belly & Josh Ramsay

Eyes Closed - Halsey

The Hills - The Weeknd feat. Eminem

Playboy Style - Clean Bandit ft. Charli XCX & Bhad Bhabie

Unforgettable - French Montana feat. Swae Lee

Shameless - The Weeknd

Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey