Jax finally trades in his rose-coloured glasses, just like Clay and Gemma have always wanted. Meanwhile, Sydney becomes increasingly more aware of just how familiar her present is, when her past is called to take a ride up North...

General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death, racism/gang activity.

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CHAPTER 50: RED SPATTERED GLASSES

;

Tig's eyes fell closed as he listened to everybody take in the news about Sydney catching the bullet for Clay. He was torn. Half of him loved being able to call the fearless woman his, but the other half of him couldn't stop his muscles from tensing under the gasps and sighs as everybody realized just how close to death she'd come.

The full table looked between Happy, Clay, and Tig - sneaking a few glances at Jax, who just looked down at his lap - shocked as the reality of the situation finally set in; she hadn't been at the wrong place at the wrong time, caught in the crossfire due to inexperience, or fear. She'd risked her life to protect the club. And that was a fact that had them all nodding their support of both their saviour, and their President - clapping both him and Tig on the shoulder as the chapel emptied out.

Jax lugged himself down the hallway and into his old dorm, locking the door behind him before walking over to the closet where he dug out the box of old burners, fishing through the sea of clunky metal paperweights before he finally reached the bottom, and pulled out his father's manuscript. He'd known better than to hide it at his own house - the house that Gemma had a key to - and lately, the only time that he'd felt the itch for knowledge, was after sitting at the table. He sat down in the arm chair, flipping it open to the page where he'd left off, praying that he would find some sort of solace in his father's guidance, because he felt as if his conscience could be split into thousands of pieces. After last night, he had no idea what he felt, if not everything all at once; peace, disgust, relief, horror, pride, disgrace.

'I never made a conscious decision to have the club become one thing or another. It just happened before my eyes. Each savage event was a catalyst for the next, and by the time the violence reached epic proportion, I couldn't see it, blood was every colou-'

He slammed the book shut before the words inked onto the pages could jump out and shove themselves down his throat. The exact same darkness that had taken over his dad, was finally taking over him.

He shoved the leather-covered parchment back into the bottom of the box, returning it to the top of the closet before stomping out of the room. He could feel the cold sweats coming on under the dark cloud that shadowed him as he walked through the bar, watching as everybody dismally prepared food, stood guard, or stockpiled weapons. He took a deep breath, sighing frustratedly when it hardly reached his lungs. He needed to get it together, and he knew now that there was only one way to do that; with clarity.

"Where you goin'?" Gemma called after him.

"Need to get some stuff from my house." He lied.

She looked him over with the same concern that she had earlier. She knew that he was going to see her. "You don't ride alone." She narrowed her eyes.

"I'll go with him." Opie offered. He could tell by Jax's lack of pushback that something was bothering him, and it would be better for everybody if he was able to work it out sooner rather than later...

"Okay." Gemma nodded hesitantly, watching them walk out the door.

"It's okay, Gem…" Tig rubbed her arm comfortingly. "It's all good."

"I've been calling you!" Jax and Opie looked up when they heard the squeaky voice coming from across the lot.

"Ah, shit…" Opie groaned when he saw Donna stomping towards him.

"You didn't tell her?" Jax scowled.

"I thought it was best to keep her out of it..." Opie sighed out of the side of his mouth.

"What the hell is going on, Ope?" She demanded when she reached him, placing her hands on her hips.

"Something came up. Clay needed me."

"The mill called... McCain said that if you're not there to pick up the second shift, your ass is canned-"

"I'll deal with it." He cut her off.

"Deal with it how? You're not there? You're out of work." She scoffed.

Opie glanced around the compound out of the corner of his eye, making sure that there was nothing suspicious around to blow his cover. "We got something going here, Donna…"

"You lying piece of shit." She chuckled humourlessly, shaking her head. "Your promises were just smoke, weren't they?"

"No." Opie lowered his voice as tears came to her eyes. He didn't want to have this conversation right now, and in front of Jax, nonetheless. "I never lied to you. I said I'd find a way to earn straight."

"They're gonna fire you!" She pushed him away as he tried to get closer to her, but her weak effort at 5'2 did nothing to the brick wall of a man who stood above her. "The club's more important than taking care of me and the kids?" She'd been trying to be more accepting of the life, she really had, but she didn't know how accepting she would be able to be from a street corner.

"No, it's more important than spitting sawdust ten hours a day. I'll figure it out." He grit out.

"I'm not gonna live this way anymore." She choked out. "I am done with this shit." She turned away and stomped back to the truck, waiting for him to call after her, to tell her that it was just a misunderstanding and that she was overreacting like usual, but he didn't. Because this time, she was right.

Jax felt his heart sinking in his chest as he watched the situation unfold, knowing that in just a few short minutes, he would be having the same conversation with Tara. "Look, man... I'm fine…" He shook his head. "You should go after her."

"I can't keep doing this." Opie shook his head. " I can't get ahead without the club. I need back in - guns, protection runs, all of it."

"But you still gotta talk to Donna. You got-" Jax hadn't had a clue how he'd truly felt until this moment; when he couldn't fathom the possibility of Opie being forced to conform to the heinous lifestyle the same way that he had, because he now knew that he had been.

"I'm done talking." Opie stared hard at the blue-eyed man. "I want back in, Jax." This wasn't an on the fly decision, this was the sign that he'd been needing to finally make the leap of faith back into the only life that he'd ever known.

;

Gemma stood in front of Clay, anxiously tapping her foot as he loaded an AK-47. She thought that after finding Jax safe and sound, her worries would have faded, but they hadn't. Her head snapped up when she heard the unmistakable buzzing of the back doorbell, looking up to see Unser staring back at her from the surveillance screen above Clay's head.

Clay turned around, looking up at the Chief with a small chuckle. "Let him in." He nodded to Juice who took off down the hallway, returning a few seconds later with Unser in tow. "What can I do for you, Chief?" He asked as he snapped in the magazine.

"I came with a status update, was hoping that maybe you could do the same." He snarked sarcastically.

"What happened?" Gemma scowled.

Unser looked at his lifelong friend, shifting awkwardly back to her husband. "Someone went after Darby last night. Killed one of his guys and two women, at his house, in Charming. Seems a little strange seeing that your girl comes up wounded in a 'driveby' that nobody else witnessed." He mused.

Tig's ears perked up when Sydney was mentioned, walking over to listen better as Clay looked away from Unser's condescending gaze, not able to take any more guilt at the moment. "You think it was us?" Gemma surmised as she walked over to Clay and draped her arms over his shoulders, as if to shield him from Unser's accusations.

"Well, after I found two dead Mayans in a ditch off of 18, yeah, I kind of came to that conclusion."

"I made sure that didn't land in Charming." The white-haired man still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Barely! Clay, this doesn't work if you don't give me time to make it work." He shook his head. "Five D.B.'s... You know what kind of heat this brings? That haughty bitch is going to come circling back!"

"The bullet in her leg was meant for my head! I did what I had to do!" Clay lost his temper as the pile of shit kept getting higher and higher, throwing the gun down to the ground.

"It was the Mayans... They went after us too, man." Tig stepped in.

Clay took a deep breath, calming himself before he said anything that could actually get him into trouble. "We didn't have nothin' to do with Darby. And the Mexicans? That was the result of their own stupidity. They must've gone after Darby too."

"God dammit…" Unser shook his head as he began running through the best way to keep them off of A.T.F.'s radar, once again. "Okay, I'll need you to come with me, answer some questions… Due process. Your business was the victim of an attack." He nodded, hoping that he could convince both Clay and himself.

"I got nothin' to hide." Clay shrugged.

;

"It wasn't SAMCRO, it was Mayan filth that killed my guy." Darby growled from where he sat in the interview room at the station house, slamming his fist down against the metal table.

"We have your statement." Hale snapped as the scumbag who sat before him continued pushing his racial agenda. "We're looking into your accusation."

"Accusation?" Darby practically spit at the younger man. "Arrogant piece of shit!" He shot out of his chair, swiftly connecting his fist with Hale's forehead, sending him flying back against the wall behind him.

Hale couldn't believe what had just happened, but apparently his body could as he felt himself charging the skinhead douchebag, doing what he could to get in a couple of good hits before Lemmings and Gutierrez yanked him off.

"Get that asshole off of me!" Darby yelled from where he laid, half on the floor and half against the wall between his chair that had been knocked over during the scuffle.

"Get up." Gutierrez scoffed as he and his fellow officer yanked Darby up to his feet.

"Jesus!" Unser ran in, catching the tail end of the commotion. "You okay?" He raised his brows as he held his hand against Hale's chest to be sure that he wouldn't lunge again.

"Yeah." Hale growled as he rubbed his thankfully not broken or bleeding nose. "The shithead caught me off guard."

Unser sighed as he looked over Darby. Just as he thought that they were getting somewhere... "Put him in holding." He nodded towards the back of the building.

"Oh, yeah... That's right." Darby scoffed as he tried to break free from the men that were holding him back. "Let the wetbacks and coons shoot up whoever they want to shoot up."

Unser raised his brow as he walked up to the hateful piece of shit, and slammed his fist directly into his gut.

;

Happy stomped up the steps to Maya's house where he began pounding on the door that he was irritated to find hadn't already been opened for him upon the sound of his bike that he'd revved a little extra when he'd pulled onto the street.

Maya rolled her eyes when she heard the incessant rapping on her front door. She took her time, finally making it to the front of the house where she pulled the door open, but didn't bother unlatching the screen door as she stared up at him with her brows raised expectantly.

"Can I come in?" He needed a quiet place to sleep, because right now, his anger was too loud.

"I don't know. Are you going to storm out in a few hours?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"It's my job." He grunted. It seemed that his fun little 'no strings attached' booty call had finally run its course.

"You mean she is your job?"

"She's my family." Happy told her once again. If Maya had been referring to anybody else, then this definitely would've been his sign that this relationship had run its course, but he felt the anger bubbling higher in his chest as she dared to stand in front of him so disrespectfully when she had no idea what had happened.

"Don't lie to me." She scoffed.

"I ain't lying."

"Then fucking tell me, Hap, because I don't appreciate being left in the middle of the night with no explanation."

Happy sighed. He didn't do this - these kinds of talks with women, but he liked Maya, she didn't ask questions, and she took his cock like no one ever had before. She'd only become interested in his club life since Sydney had come up, and he decided that maybe if he threw her a bone, she would keep taking his. "Okay." He nodded, waiting for her to unlock the screen door before he stepped inside.

Maya sat on the opposite side of the couch while Happy explained the situation - albeit briefly, but enough for her to understand what the true dynamic really was. She felt silly for letting her jealousy take over when it had been so unwarranted, leaving her wondering if maybe she felt a little more for her late night companion than she'd previously thought...

;

Clay smirked at Darby from the doorway of Unser's office as he watched his rival - and apparent fellow victim - being dragged to the holding cells by two men, making his way over to the large chair that sat in front of the desk once Unser returned. "I, uh… I didn't see this coming." He shook his head as he sat down. "Us and the Mexicans… That's been kinda quiet."

"I'm not an idiot." Unser deadpanned. "I know that this 'tit for tat' has been going on for months, ever since they torched your warehouse."

"Yeah." Clay shrugged. "But comin' after me and Darby? That's a new kind of boldness."

"Me and you…" The Chief took in a deep breath. "Whatever the hell this is always had one thing that we played out together; keeping blood and greed away from our front door."

"We've done that."

"Until now." Unser widened his eyes at the arrogant man. "And my fear is that, knowing the amount of pride stuffed into that kutte, it will not end here."

"Fine." Clay scoffed, getting up and waltzing over to the window where he pulled out a cigar.

"You take out that Mayan boss? You trip a wire that sends this town into the history books." Unser rounded the desk, refusing to let him bow out of eye contact the way that he loved to do. "The bad guys will leave the ghetto and bring their filthy game to Charming! And next time? It won't be a few of Darby's scumbags who go down, it'll be another one of your guys, or Floyd, or some kid or something!"

"Sydney's fine." He ignored the scolding as he flipped his lighter open.

"The deal always was that outlaws live in Charming, but shit beyond the borders. You can't change the rules, or it all goes to hell." Clay finally looked up to see Hale lurking outside the door.

"And that, my old friend." Unser nodded out after the young man who took off once he was noticed. "Is exactly what Captain America out there wants; hell to break out in Charming, followed by all of the things that put the devil in place." He shook his head as he pulled out something of his own to smoke while Clay continued to ignorantly puff away; sparking up a joint where he looked up to a raised brow. "It's for my cancer." He shrugged, blinking out of the haze that he had just began to peacefully slip under. "I have a card." He insisted, scowling when he was overcome by the sound of motorcycles - more motorcycles than he was used to. "What the hell is this?" His glossy eyes scanned over nearly a dozen foreign kuttes ranging from Washington, to Nevada.

"Little family reunion." The taller man shrugged.

"Holy shit…" He sighed. "Did you hear anything that I just-"

"Enough! Enough… Alright? Your goddamn angst is giving me cancer." Clay rolled his eyes. "I heard your plea, loud and clear." He exhaled sharply, making his final decision. "Now there's only one thing that's going to make this work..."

;

"What have I done to deserve a visit from Charming's finest?" Sydney grinned as Hale entered her hospital room.

"A shot to the leg will put you pretty high on that list…" He chuckled bashfully, closing the door behind him.

"I'll have to remember that." She smirked as he sat down in the chair beside her bed.

"How you feeling?" He couldn't tell if she was actually feeling chipper, or if the flirting was just a consistent facade.

"Better now that I got myself some good company." She cocked a brow.

"I'm sure that's hard to come by, for you." He snipped, looking down at the clipboard in his hands. "Can you tell me what happened last night?"

Sydney ran through the rehearsed story about how she'd been working at the clubhouse and had gone out for a smoke, heard the screeching of tires before she looked up to see an old vehicle with two men inside, and the next thing that she knew, she was on the ground.

Hale winced, feeling his chest tightening with anger. He set the clipboard down with a clenched jaw, searching her face for any kind of resentment, but all that he saw was softness. "Sydney..." He sighed, lowering his voice to something more sympathetic. "If there's anything that you're not telling me… Because of them, I-"

"I'm telling you the truth." She cut him off, looking into his eyes with sincerity.

"Do you see what happens when you associate with these guys?" He shook his head incredulously. "You only got hurt this time. But next time, you might not be so lucky..." He looked to the ground, inhaling sharply. "I've seen what these men do… What happens to the women that are with them…"

"Don't kid yourself, Davy." He flinched when he felt her hand sliding into his. "You know who I am." Her sweet voice hovered just above a whisper as she spoke the cryptic words into the tense atmosphere. "That's why you buried those tickets..." Hale's head snapped up at the accusation. There was no way that she could've figured it out... Could she?

But the look on her face told him that she could. He ripped his hand from hers, standing from the chair as his blue eyes deepened. "I was doing my job." He growled as his jaw set. He was still riled up after the encounter with Darby, and this was not helping to regulate his temper as he stewed in the swirling pot of anger; anger for forgetting who she was, anger for how easy it was for her to make him forget, anger for Unser's tainted law enforcement that he could feel bleeding into his heart, but as usual, anger for the way that SAMCRO managed to find a way to sink their claws into every single crevasse of his town.

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?" She smirked

"I am not joining anybody!" He crouched down so that they were eye-level, lowering his voice. "I have five months until I make Chief. And when I do? There will be no more corruption, no more violence, and no more SAMCRO. I will beat you, and when I do, it will be the right way." He sneered.

Sydney sat up, tilting her head up towards where he was hovering only inches from her face. "Game on." She whispered seductively, sending him storming out of the room where he slammed the door behind him.

"She can have visitors." He snarled to the admin on his way out of the unit.

;

"What happened with you and the Mayans?" Clay stood above Darby with his hands on his hips, looking down on the bald man who tauntingly nodded his head back and forth from where he sat on a bench in the holding cells that Unser had locked them in - per his request. "I know you and Alvarez made a deal in Chino, what went south?" He narrowed his eyes impatiently, taking a few steps closer as he continued to go ignored.

"Now that 'spic name down ring a bell." Darby smiled sarcastically before Clay's giant fist knocked him to the ground.

"Ugh!" Clay grunted as his aching joints exploded in pain, turning away where he wrung out his throbbing hand. "Ring a bell now?" He panted as Darby curled against the pavement. "We can keep going cage fight if you want..."

Darby finally worked up the strength to look up, watching as Clay fell back onto a bench opposite to the one that he'd been thrown from. "How many punches you got left?" He scoffed, recognizing the shaking in the outlaw's hand all too well.

Clay inhaled sharply as he curled his digits into a fist, and clubbed the asshole over the head this time instead. "Okay-" Darby sighed as he writhed against the ground in pain, rolling onto his back. "Okay, stupid question." He dragged himself across the floor of the cell, and back over to his bench. "I gave up the twenty on your gun warehouse." He breathed out between bouts of heaving, and spitting onto the floor. "Mayans were supposed to provide muscle for my crank - push into Charming."

Clay nodded along. He'd already known most of that, but what he really wanted to know was... "Alvarez double-crossed you..."

"And I'm gonna slit that wetback's throat, ear to ear." Darby seethed as he continued to try and catch his breath.

"No you're not." Clay shook his head. "And neither am I."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Darby scowled.

"Hey..." Clay raised his brows. "The murder rate tripled in my town last night, almost lost one of my own. Now if we kill King Beaner? Charming becomes a warzone."

"So what? We sit back and do nothing?" Darby's strained voice raised in the back of his throat.

"No." Clay shook his head. "We do something... And it'll be satisfying." He leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. "But SAMCRO handles the retaliation. You got it?"

;

Jax sauntered into St. Thomas with his hands stuffed into his pockets, chewing his lip as he made his way into the neonatal unit with his head down. He looked up only to glance into a few open doors on his way through the quiet corridor, his brain ticking once he spotted her standing over Abel. "How's he doing?" He approached softly.

"Good." She smiled for the first time since the incident, looking down at the innocent little boy. "He's a strong-willed little guy."

"I thought you were gonna take a personal day?" He looked over the dark circles around her eyes.

She sighed, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath. "I tried to..." She looked back up, trying to push away the fresh memory of what had transpired only hours before. "I had to get out of there, you know?" She blinked the discomfort away before her empty stomach could betray her once again. "It's fine, it's a light day."

"You okay?" Jax knew by the change in her tone that she wasn't, but he didn't know what else to say.

"I don't know." She shook her head, turning and walking away slowly. "Wha-" She cleared her throat as she leant against the doorframe. "What'd you do? W-with him?"

"It's done." He shook his head as he walked over to her, knowing that the gory details of how he'd dug a grave, and planned to burn the body would do nothing for her conscience.

"What do we do?" She asked shakily.

Jax hadn't really had time to think about it in the heat of the moment the night before, when everything had felt so right even though it was all wrong, but now all he could hear was the sound of Sydney's voice telling him about the 'wrong ideas' that Tara had in her head. He supposed that maybe they both had a few wrong ideas after all that had happened in the last day, and he needed to get them out on the table so that he - so that they, could move forward.

"When Kohn showed up in Charming, he knew that this could only end either one of two ways; him dead, or you dead. It ended the right way." He nodded sincerely.

"Maybe I came back here knowing the same thing…" She whispered as tears stung her eyes, which were glued to his sparkling white shoes.

"It was survival-"

"Did Sydney tell you that I came back here because I wanted you to kill him?" She practically cut him off. It wasn't that she wanted him to think that Sydney had been right, but every single voice in her head was telling her what a bad person she was, and she couldn't let him sit here and try to tell her that she wasn't.

"No." Jax scowled, his anger taking over his confusion as his chest began to heave under her accusation. "And I've never killed anyone like that before, Tara." He spat.

Tara's heart sank when she realized what a mess she'd created - not just in her head, but with both him and Sydney. "I'm sorry…" She looked at him longingly as she watched the wall begin to break down - the wall that he had always kept her on the other side of, until now. Maybe he really was a different guy, after all...

"I've been wakin' up every morning since he was born, with a sick feeling." Jax looked down at the baby as angry tears bit at his stinging eyes. "Wondering who was gonna die today." He mused, finally putting his struggles into words for the first time. "It's scared the shit outta me… And then I woke up this morning, and it was gone... I think that scares me more." He felt his throat tightening. The fate of his life was inevitable, he supposed he'd always known that, but after last night, he was finally ready to accept it.

"Hey." Tara lifted his fallen face, bringing his tortured blue eyes up to meet hers. "You're in shock."

"I don't think anything could shock me anymore." He scoffed, pulling himself out of her tender touch that he suddenly felt undeserving of.

"What do you want me to do? How can I help you?" She shook her head sorrowfully.

"Just..." He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to stop himself. "Don't go anywhere." He grit his teeth.

"I'm not." Now that she knew the truth, the last thing that she was thinking of doing was running away again.

;

The second that Tig's services were no longer needed at the clubhouse, he raced back to the hospital with Gemma hot on his heels - insisting on being Sydney's first real visitor, and successfully overriding Clay's 'nobody rides alone' rule.

The dark-haired pair waltzed into St. Thomas, making a beeline straight down the hallway, past the waiting room, and through the doors of the ICU. "Uh…" Tig slowed his pace as they approached her room where the door had been closed, and the shade had been drawn. "I'm just gonna go in and make sure she's okay."

"Okay." Gemma nodded, feeling a bittersweet clench in her heart as Tig showed so much care for the brave young woman, she just wished that it was under better circumstances.

Sydney's eyes fluttered open when she heard the creaking of the heavy metal door, smiling sleepily when they landed on Tig. "Hi, baby." She mumbled as he slipped inside, sitting up from where she'd been laying against the elevated mattress.

"Hey, sweetheart." He smiled, kissing her on the cheek as he sat himself on the edge of the bed. "You napping?"

"Mmm, yeah." She sucked in a deep breath as she stretched with her arms above her head, taking advantage of the only mobility that she had. "Did you find Jax for them?"

"Yeah." He nodded with a grin, which quickly faded as he remembered where he'd found Jax, and with who. "At Tara's… For the whole night." He shook his head as his lip turned up in disgrace.

"What the fuck?" She stiffened. "Are you fucking kidding me? After Clay almost gets killed?" She screeched. "How dare he?"

"Don't worry about that right now, babe." Tig took her waving hand and brought it to his lips. "We're not making any moves until you get back, you can deal with it then." He winked, hoping that the proposal of giving Jax a hearty piece of her mind would be enough to calm the bear that he had so stupidly poked.

"Y-you're not?" She squeaked. "But, what if-" She knew that she'd asked them to wait for her, but she didn't think that they actually would - especially if Jax wasn't around to convince them.

"Clay's getting it all figured out." He nodded reassuringly.

"Okay..." She responded weakly as she looked down at the worn blue blanket that was covering her, pulling at a few loose threads.

"Sydney…" He regained her attention. "What you did? That means something... Not just to Clay, to everyone. You're more a part of this than anyone else." His thumb stroked over her hand. "We want you there, making these decisions with us. Okay? You've earned it."

"Okay." She responded easier this time, a genuine smile coming to her face. If taking a bullet was what it took to finally earn some respect - and Tig's trust - then she would've done it weeks ago. "Does Packer know?" She sighed regretfully.

"Yeah…" Tig winced, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Clay had to tell him - part of the plan with the Mayans. They'll be here soon..."

Sydney's eyes nearly popped out of her head, but the panic wrapped itself around her throat and stopped any kind of outburst that she could've formed. "I don't want to see them." She finally managed to choke out.

"What?" Tig scowled. "Baby… They're your family."

"Happy is my family." She shook her head. "I'll see them when I'm out."

Tig opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by the look behind her eyes as she silently begged him to respect her wishes without making her elaborate on the event that she was already being forced to relive. "Okay." He nodded, his heart sitting a little lower as he realized what it was that she was really worried about...

"Thank you." She pulled him into her arms gratefully, resting her head against the cold leather covering his shoulder as she gripped his hand tightly.

He nodded slowly, kissing her temple as he pulled away. "How was Hale?"

"Pissed." She scoffed, laying back down where she hoped the panic would spread from her lungs. "But we expected that. He asked his questions and cleared me for visitors." She shrugged.

"Uh… Speaking of visitors." He grimaced, looking at the door that he knew The Matriarch was anxiously waiting behind. "Gemma's waiting outside… She's been… Tense." He blinked. "Wants to see you…"

"That's okay." She chuckled. "I'm fine with SAMCRO… Just not..." She looked away awkwardly.

"I'm all over it, babe." Tig assured her with a playful smile. "I'll be your security guard." He winked, leaning into her lips.

"Mmm, I told you that hired muscle was all the rage." She joked back, kissing him deeply as she grabbed onto his neck, finally pulling away where she rested her forehead against his. "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled, briefly kissing her again.

Gemma stood outside the door, tapping her foot impatiently before she couldn't take it anymore, whirling around and stalking towards the admin desk when she was stopped by a glimpse of blonde hair through the window of the unit door.

"Hey!"

Jax sighed as he slowed his pace, he knew that voice anywhere, and this was the last place that he wanted to hear it. "Hey." He forced a smile as he turned to face his mother. "Just needed to see Abel."

Gemma spotted Tara down the hall before she could duck into the closest room. "Uh-huh." She nodded, unconvinced. "You gonna come see Sydney?"

"Maybe later." Jax shook his head. He could only take facing one reality at a time.

"Okay." Gemma's suspicious tone did nothing to calm his still quivering nerves as she kissed him on the cheek.

"You find anything to eat around this joint?" Tig looked around Sydney's room with a raised brow.

"Slim pickings." Sydney sighed, feeling her stomach growling at the mere mention of food.

"I'll go get you something, let you girls have some alone time." He winked, getting up and walking towards the door - which Gemma pushed open immediately.

"Jesus." He groaned, catching his balance as he looked to her for an apology, but she was already busy smothering Sydney with hugs and kisses. He snickered, shaking his head as he took his leave with a smile.

"Thank God." Gemma cooed as she rocked Sydney back and forth. "You know, when I said to watch my boys, I didn't mean like that..." She pulled away, looking down on her with that infamous stare.

"You'll have to put that in the fine print next time." Sydney chortled.

;

Tara paced up and down the hallway outside of the ICU, trying to work up the courage to face Sydney after the horrible accusations that she had falsely made. She took a deep breath, shaking her head before she let her feet carry her to the doors, scanning her keycard and taking a tentative look around the unit.

"Hey, Maggie." Tara smiled to the dark-haired girl behind the desk. "How's it going up here?" She knew that the shy girl was still relatively new around the hospital, and dealing with SAMCRO wasn't always the easiest of jobs...

"Good." She nodded confidently, pleased that she'd seemingly learned how to navigate the notorious MC before so many of her other, older colleagues. "You looking for someone?"

"Uh… Yes." She nodded awkwardly. "Sydney Harding?"

"You know her?" Maggie was surprised. Dr. Tara Knowles carried herself like such a prim and proper woman who was relatively quiet, and overly professional, she never would've expected her to be involved with the bikers.

"It's a long story." Tara chuckled. "I'll tell you about it one day."

"Room 102, on the left." The starry-eyed girl smiled with excitement.

Tara smiled, walking up the hall slowly, listening to the polished floor threatening to squeak under her white sneakers. She took deep breaths as she attempted to calm herself, realizing that perhaps today wasn't the best day to be doing this. But she felt an unexpected calmness wash over her when Sydney came into view through the window, sat up in her bed with Tig in a chair next to her as he held her injured leg over his lap, and painted her toes.

"Baby… This looks awful." Tig shook his head with a grimace as he looked over the horrible paint job.

"No it doesn't!" She laughed, nudging him with her foot. "You're better at this than I thought." She wiggled her toes, trying to hold back her own smile as she too, looked over the subpar pedicure, but she didn't care how it looked, it made her feel more like herself as she laid crippled, and at the mercy of strangers.

"And you're a better liar than I thought." He chuckled, kissing her on the cheek as he screwed the lid back onto the bottle of hot pink nail polish, looking back up to see Sydney staring out the door where he followed her gaze to the dark-haired doctor.

"Um-" Tara approached awkwardly. "Hi..." She smiled. "Sorry to interrupt…"

"It's all good, Doc." Tig smiled, getting to his feet. "Ice cream?" He asked Sydney with a raised brow, sensing that this conversation was girls only.

Sydney nodded with an appreciative smile, squeezing his hand before looking up at Tara with a more serious expression once he was gone.

"He's sweet with you…" Tara commented, taking the seat that he had been sitting in.

"Doesn't seem like he's capable of it, huh?" Sydney scoffed with a small smile, unsure how she was supposed to act as Tara spoke to her like a friend after she'd treated her like an enemy.

"Definitely not." She shook her head, bouncing her knee as she tried to find the right words.

"I didn't tell him, and I didn't do any of her dirty work." Sydney blurted out as the silence became almost as agonizing as the awkward small talk.

"I know." Tara sighed. "Jax told me, after..." Tears filled her eyes as she allowed the memory to flood them. "After Kohn showed up at my house last night."

"Oh my God..." Sydney sat up straighter, instantly forgetting about all of the petty bullshit as shock filled her already anxiety-riddled veins. "What happened?"

"He hit me, tried to rape me…"

"Tara…" Sydney whispered, feeling her heart breaking behind her chest. As if she hadn't already had enough memories to relive on her own...

"I shot him, in the stomach." She choked out a sob.

"Holy shit!" Sydney couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What happened?"

"I couldn't do it again." She shook her head, slapping her hand over her quivering lips. "I called Jax, he took care of it - the right way." She finally exhaled.

"Good." Sydney nodded, feeling her own worry beginning to subside. "How are you... With that?"

Tara looked at the white-panelled ceiling, sucking in a deep breath. "You were right… About him needing to be dealt with. I- I thought I would feel better, but… I just feel sick." She whimpered. "Like I'm gonna get caught, like I'm not gonna get caught, what's going to happen to me-" She finally broke down, burying her face into her hands.

"He was a threat. It was kill, or be killed." Sydney shook her head firmly.

"Is that what you do?" Tara scoffed. "Make up your own moral code to feel better about this shit?"

"Pretty much." Sydney shrugged.

"Doesn't it scare you?" The older woman had never been able to wrap her mind around that part of the life - among many other things - and it didn't seem to be getting any easier, even as she found herself getting deeper into it. "What you're capable of? Or getting caught? Or getting killed?"

"I'm not scared of any of that." Sydney answered easily.

"How?" Tara blinked incredulously. "I mean… Some of it has to scare you? You were just shot, for Christ's sake!"

"Telling Tig that I loved him was the scariest thing that I've ever done." Sydney admitted with a small smile.

"How the hell is that scarier than a murder charge?" Tara was beginning to think that maybe she should've waited to talk to Sydney, because these were clearly the painkillers talking. There was no way that such a young girl actually felt this way.

"Because I could lose him at any second." Sydney nodded, feeling her heart getting heavier. "This life is fast and short, there's no growing old together and watching the sunset on a porch swing - what you see, is what you get. You don't know how long you have them for, but you have to do what you can to make the time that you do have, worth it. Hang on and enjoy the ride, no matter how scary it may be." She stared deep into Tara's eyes. "Some people can't live like that, and that's okay. But don't get on the back of that bike if you're only going to make him stop and let you off halfway."

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Song for this chapter

Only Love Can Save Me Now - The Pretty Reckless (feat. Matt Cameron & Kim Thayil)