Ep. 10: feelings
Jojo is now very aware of Tara's Patterns. She works from home. She goes out with Lauren, finds a bed partner they stumble in, in the early hours of the morning. Sometimes they see Jo sitting on the couch, sometimes they don't see her and are half naked before they even get in Tara's room.
Sometimes they are women, sometimes they are men, sometimes they are other things. Jo can't help but watch. She grows perturbed and angry. She resents Tara, and she doesn't know why. She has always known Tara was a cad.
"Maybe you want her for yourself." Andrew said one afternoon at lunch. "I mean… you never thought you could have her before, and now that you know you can…"
Jo groaned. "Oh god… That's what it is."
"Then tell her!"
"I don't want her to think that I want her because she is convenient. Besides, I don't think I want to be thrown away like the rest of them. I want her as my friend, I am not about to lose that."
"Why would you think you would lose her?"
Jo rolled her eyes at Andrew, "Observation."
One evening the next spring I came up on Tori sitting at the table. She was writing something and I'm nosy. I wanted to see what it was. So I got closer to the table and looked over her shoulder. There were two envelopes on the table and she was writing a check with so many zeros that I stopped short. "What the hell kind of Fundraiser charges 70,000 dollars?" I asked.
She jumped, then she looked over at me. "Hey baby." she said as she signed that check. Then she stood up and came over to me where I stood, arms folded over my chest. That is practically my entire take on the show. Yes I know Tori has been a celebrity for longer and has more in her bank account than I do but we could have done something really cool with that. "It's for something really cool Babe, I promise."
"Oh am I included in this?" I asked curiously.
"We're headed to New York for Fashion week in a month, and you know what kicks of Fashion week?" She said and wiggled her brows.
My eyes widened and I looked over at the table at the envelopes. There. There were two. Not one for Tori and her plus one… One for her, and one for me. ME! "Have we been invited to the Gala?"
She smiled. "I thought you'd like that." She said and reached out to Trina. "The show has gotten your name out there, and yeah, you were personally invited."
I reached out for the envelope in my name and looked at the embossed card within. My name in the printed on cursive in gold foil. "Shit, Tori."
"So I decided this was my treat. I had to make sure I was seen with my lady on that carpet." Tori stated grinning at me.
"I didn't know it was that expensive." I stated.
"I got you this year, believe me it isn't going to shock you the more you get invited." She stated, and began to text her sister frantically.
I looked down at my scrubs and Lab coat then at the invitation. The Theme this year was An American Anthology of Fashion. And Tori was one of the Co-Chairs of this gala. I looked up at her. "Tor, thanks for the invite."
She looked up and quirked a brow. "I'm not in charge of the Guest list." she stated. She said and now I understood why she had been flying out so often.
"This is so cool. So… Spaghetti Tacos for dinner?" I asked, putting the card down on the table and heading to the kitchen.
"YAAAAAAAAY!' Chloë said, running out of her bedroom. I chuckled and reached for my pot.
"Sounds good." My girl said and headed straight for the fridge for some ground beef. I loved working with her in the kitchen. Working in this home that was ours to a common goal felt so good.
This reminded me of the wedding… which I was doing the bulk of spending for it. "Do you just save your money for things like that?"
She smirked, "Babe, I do the trips you get the party going okay?"
I laughed and enjoyed the evening. I was new to this kind of life. Fame may have been my goal when I was a kid but I had no idea, and I looked to Tori to Navigate it.
Four weeks later, I was standing at our loft suite at the Arthouse Hotel in New York. This will be our home for the next two weeks. I was standing there being pinned into my costume similar to one of the Coven in American Horror story. A cloaked shoulder that drapes over a full skirt all in black. With a see through head piece sort of like a veil but skirted like a hat.
There were diamond accents at the collar of the cloak as well as belted at the top of the skirt. I added some Red bottoms and I was back full on in my goth glory. I even had my hair dyed black again with the streaks in deep blue to compliment my eyes.
In contrast, Tori was wearing a Royal Blue 1940's style dress. The neckline was high and pinned at the shoulders and the full skirt dropped into a gather at the back of the dress. It was simple and fully elegant, as the front showed straight lines all the way down to the tips of her toes. The back, for a modern twist came to a deep v exposing her back in a sheer blue fabric to just above her ass, where the skirt began to billow out.
She looked so breathtaking.
The two of us made quite a pair as we walked hand in hand on the red carpet. We leaned on each other as we climbed the steps at the Great Hall. I was surrounded by celebrities, it isn't new but this night was just electrifying.
While I looked up at the ceiling of the great Hall I kind of bumped into someone. I looked back.. "Oh! Sorry! sorry," The shorter man said and was about to move around me when he did a double take.
I was smiling, it was one of the people I have been wanting to meet since I started acting again. "It's cool." I said.
"Dr. West!" He said with a kind smile.
I smiled and reached a hand out to him. "Not much of a doctor out here. Hi Dr. Jeong."
"I'm definitely no longer that." He said.
I laughed. "It's awesome to meet you."
"Same, We should talk some more inside." He said "I have to go find my wife."
I nodded and was infinitely more excited to go inside. But you know as they say… what Happens at the Gala, stays there.
Ep.11: The Wedding Date (part 1 )
"Lauren wants this to be like a wedding," Tara said. "THis album release is Lauren marrying herself to Lil Muffin. So there is this whole duality theme throughout."
Jo's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"
"Yep, so everyone attending will need dates… including me." Tara continued. "So what do you say?'
"To what?" Jo said, eating her cereal.
"Be my date to the Album Release party." Tara said.
"You are going to be busy," The dr. said. "And an all day party?"
"Yes all day," Tara said. "I miss you Jo… be my person"
"Ugh, Fine," Jo said with a sigh. "I'll go."
For months Tori obsessed over our wedding. She obsessed, I did what she told me while she worked and I stayed home Doctored and mothered. This was stressful and I found myself wondering if any of this was worth it.
"I got the flowers figured out." Trina said, dropping a stack of paper in front of me. I furrowed my brows. "I got a great deal with the florist for my wedding."
"Why isn't our expensive ass wedding planner doing that?" I asked, pulling Chloë's hair into a ponytail. It was Emma's day off and Chloë and I were going to spend a day at the beach.
"Because I need you to save up your money so you can pay me." Trina said tapping the stack again.
"Chloë go get your sand bucket baby." I stated and picked up the paper. I looked at the title. It was a script for "Elysian Heights".
"You were picked up for a second season!" Trina said. "The negotiations are on the table, they are going to pay you a year and a half's worth of salary at the hospital if you take the 13 weeks off of work."
I paused and looked at the deal. I thought about my practice. Could I afford that? My rapport with my patients? I wasn't a pediatrician. I was a surgeon. I could just do surgery consults for the 13 weeks and then come back. "I need to think about this." I said softly.
Trina smiled. "It's a three month sabbatical."
I nodded and put the script down. "That's cool." I stood up and headed toward Chloë's bedroom. "I'll be glad when all this wedding stuff is over."
"Scalpel" I said to the surgical nurse as I prepared to insert a suprapubic port for an appy on a 12 year old. Poor little guy came in so distended and in pain. His appendix engorged and I just so happened to be on call tonight.
I was a little distracted with wedding shit so it is good that I could remove an appendix with my hand tied behind my back.
The three entryways on his little tummy are smaller than a centimeter. I inserted the laparoscope to check my field of vision and began to insert the clamp in the suprapubic port as I inserted the foley in the umbilical fold. "Hey, thanks for inviting me to your wedding by the way."
"Yeah, sure…" I said distractedly. As I began to remove the fat around the structure of the inflamed appendix and omentum.
"I just… I've never been invited to an exe's wedding." I nearly dropped my tool and looked over at her. She wasn't my ex.
"We hooked up once…" I stated and went back to continue uncovering all of the useless tissue around the tip of the tract. "I hardly think that makes you an ex."
"Well, I'd hoped we'd be more." she said as I cleaned off and separated the other tissue away from the swollen Cecum and appendix.
I sighed and paused careful not to touch the field in front of me. "I'm sorry, you don't have to come. I just thought we were getting to be friends."
She nodded. "We were."
I resumed looking down at the job ahead of me. This awkward conversation can't be happening right now. I touched the appendix and saw the leak. "Shit, " I hissed and bit my lower lip. "Good, that's settled." I said and rolled my eyes. "We have sprung a leak. I gotta move fast."
I began to mobilize the lateral attachments of the cecum. It is kinda like taking a delicate piece of leather and tearing at it. Then I went at it with the tiny scissors at the end of my clamps to get more precise. "I just… "
"Look, you don't have to go." I said frustrated as I snipped the skin around the cecum. "You are my best surgical assistant, don't make me send you out of my OR."
I finally clamped the freed appendix and tried not to squeeze too much. I made a window at the base of it, and cauterized the hole so that I could staple across it and finish detaching the useless digestive sack. "Can you just… turn on some music we don't have to talk." I snapped.
There was no talking here. I needed to concentrate and not be aggravated. I stapled just below the cecum right at the base of the appendix. I stapled and pulled and pulled and effectively separated the appendix from the cecum. Then I connected the stapler to the incomplete staple line and began to staple across the mesentery tissue.
Finished detaching the piece with the tiny scissors at the end of the laparoscope, and I smirked because of course scissors always made me smirk. Then the theme song to the scissoring started to play on my playlist and I laughed.
I glanced at the nurse and she looked freaked out a little. "You have heard this on my playlist before. I said as we began the hemostasis.
"Yes, and it's always disturbing." She chuckled shaking her head. "Your Fiacee know you are so morbid?" she asked. The area began to bleed as the appendicular artery squirted in my field of vision.
I shrugged and inserted the cautery, and cauterized that little artery. "She knew me when I was nothing but an art kid with an obsession with scissors." I cauterized the mesentery staple line and the appendicular staple line so that there were no moving parts. Then I pulled out the ports and cauterized the holes shut.
"You are a lucky girl." She said taking the laparoscopic devices out of my hands.
"I sure am." I stated and stroked the little boy's cheek before walking away.
Ep. 12: The Wedding Date (part 2)
Jo and Tara enjoy the reception of the success of Tara's first big party. Jo had been trying to keep herself in check. Her feelings for Tara were burning within her. She was beautiful, and in this romantic environment even if Lauren was only marrying herself, something inside Jo squeezed.
It dared her to reveal her secret. So Jo sat by the open bar and drank her fill. She avoided Tara's presence. "There you are!" Tara said, throwing an arm around the Doctor.
"Here I am!" Jo said and tried to stand, but began to stumble.
"Hold on!' Tara said, catching Jo by the waist and holding her close.
"Hey Tara… Let's dance." Jo said, leaning forward to put her head down on Tara's shoulder.
"Oh, okay." Tara said, putting her arms around the woman. "You have fun?"
"I always have fun with you." Joe said into the neck of the latina. "I love you."
Tara stiffened. "You what?'
"And you know what? I don't want to leave. I don't care if that Fellowship in Chicago will pay me more." Jo said.
"You're leaving?" Tara said.
"Yeah but I don't want to." Jo said, lifting her head momentarily.
"Then don't." Tara whispered as the raven haired physician dropped her heavy head back on her friend's shoulder.
"I have to…" Jo whispered back.
"Why?" Tara asked, holding on to Jo. She could feel the woman fading.
"Because I love you." Jo stated in a very low voice. Tara almost didn't hear it over the music. Had she not had her head buried in her neck she wouldn't have heard it. Jo pulled back now. As if she just realized what she had said. Tara looked at her in shock and Jo leaned forward and kissed her. Tara kissed back.
On the day of our wedding in our big beautiful backyard I was an awful wreck. My spaces were transformed. My house was invaded with guests and employees , friends and strangers. I paced my bedroom, while Tori occupied her studio in the basement.
The door to my bedroom opened, and Chloë walked in in her beautiful flower girl dress. "Mommy, Tia Trina says that Momma's ready."
My brows lifted at the new term my daughter refers to Trina as her aunt. I smiled remembering that Tori had committed not only to me but this little girl. That she was all in with me. That she was not regretting giving up her freewheeling lifestyle.
"Jade, you're not an anchor." Tori had argued with me two days before. "I am here for you, and Chloë you are my family. You are my everything."
What followed those words were a surge of pure emotion through my body. The next thing I knew we were naked and slick with sweat. Our wall of windows wide open letting in a California spring breeze.
My eyes drifted to the bed behind my little girl and I blushed. "Okay, baby… you got your flowers?" I said to her, She nodded and held up her basket. She ran over to my open sliding doors. "Hey wait for the song!"
I looked at myself in the mirror. The floor length draped black satin and tulle skirt under a Formal White Tailcoat steampunk jacket with a high collar and wide lapels. My breasts bound in a tight corset underneath straining against the four buttons that sinch my waist beautifully. My Re-dyed black hair was styled in a fauxhawk braid layered at the top of my head. My hair gathered at the back and braided all the way down with extensions added to make the hair longer and drape over my shoulder.
The dramatic makeup on my face finished up my formal tuxedoed look and I could never have dreamed of a better look for me on my wedding day. My little goth soul did a little dance.
My bedroom door opened up again and I turned to see my dad. "Are you ready?" he asked. I nodded, not really able to speak. "You look beautiful, honey." He said
I hugged him. I really had no words.
"Grandpa, Uncle Andre started the song." Chloë said. And we approached her. I nodded and Chloë started throwing the rose pedals in her basket the moment she hit the white carpet leading me from my pergola to the edge of my yard where there was an arch of flowers waiting for me.
Cat and Andre were standing together at the keyboard where they sang together.
See, first of all
I know these so-called players wouldn't tell you this
But I'ma be real and say what's on my heart
Let's take this chance and make this love feel relevant
Didn't you know I loved you from the start, yeah
That harmonized last line took me by surprise, and I smile as I walked slowly out from under the pergola with my father clasped close to me. I couldn't see anything. I was like in a love fog or something. Cat's voice brought me back to the present.
When I think about all these years we put in this relationship
Who knew we'd make it this far?
When I think about where we would I be if we were to just fall apart
And I just can't stand the thought of leavin' you
I looked around my yard at all the smiling faces, people from before on the right, people from after fame and the Hospital on the left. They are all intermingled because they are all our friends. And I have never been so happy. As the chorus rings out from both of our friends my heart soars
Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it
Been feelin' you all the while, girl, I must confess
Girl, let's just get married
I just wanna get married
Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it
Been feelin' you all the while, girl, I must confess
Let's just get married
I stood in front of the officiant and my father held me one last time before he let me go. I looked at Andre and Cat and smiled at them. Cat waved at me happily and turned back to look down the aisle. I followed her eyes as she began to sing. Alyssa was heading down the white carpet with her basket for her Tia. The little girl was loving her job as she made her way toward me.
Said I done it all
But frankly, girl, I'm tired of this emptiness
I wanna come home to you and only you
'Cause makin' love to just anyone ain't happenin'
I just gotta be with you
My breath caught, as I saw Tori in a white tulle wedding gown. It was this light tulle skirt with a side slit, her leg would peek out with every step. My mouth dried and she looked so sexy. The bodice was this sort of vintage feather thing that covered the goods and left just enough for me to drool over. She wore that for me, she knew I would love it. My eyes lingered to her perfectly made up face as Andre sang his part in the duet.
Do you think about us finishin' somethin' we started so long ago?
I wanna give you my all
Do you think about maybe us havin' some babies?
Come on won't you be my lady forever, girl
I'm ready to commit to you
Her hair was in loose curls with white feathers pinned through her tresses. Those cheek bones prominent as her smile and excitement at seeing my reaction showed. Her eyes took me in as our friends harmonized the last part of the chorus.
Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it
Been feelin' you all the while, girl, I must confess
Girl, let's just get married
I just wanna get married
Tori finally made it down the aisle. And she hugged her father, whom I truthfully hadn't noticed because my focus was solely on my bride.
Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it
Been feelin' you all the while, girl, I must confess
Let's just get married
Tori finally turned to me and took my hand. I smiled, I wanted to kiss her so badly but I restrained myself. I couldn't wait to be her wife any longer. I squeezed her hand. "You look amazing." I whispered.
"You look like the Jade I fell in love with." She answered.
I chuckled. "Is that a good thing?"
"My Jade is hot as hell, never doubt it." She said.
There was a throat cleared and we turned to the officiant. "These two are so in love, that I am so happy to be here to perform these nuptials fifteen years in the making."
I turned to our friends and families and the entire right side of the room was nodding. I chuckled along with Tori.
"So if there is anyone here that has an objection, you may speak now… but you can't stop the train." the crowd laughed. "The two have chosen vows to give to each other. " Tori nodded.
Tori looked at me and cleared her throat. "I love you more than ever, more than time and more than love,I love you more than money and more than the stars above, Love you more than madness, more than waves upon the sea, Love you more than life itself, you mean that much to me."
My eyes filled with tears and I swallowed thickly. Tori blinked a few tears from her eyes, and her mascara stayed intact. Just perfect.
"Ever since you walked right in, the circle's been complete, I love you more than ever and I haven't yet begun. You breathed on me and made my life a richer one to live. Dried the tears up from my dreams and pulled me from the hole, Quenched my thirst and satisfied the burning in my soul."
I bit my lip listening to what Tori thought of me. My heart ached to touch her.
"You gave me a baby, let's have one, two, three more? The tune that is yours and mine to play upon this earth, We'll play it out the best we know. I love you more than all of that with a love that doesn't bend, And if there is eternity I'd love you there again. Oh, can't you see that you were born to stand by my side; And I was born to be with you, you were born to be my bride. You're the other half of what I am, you're the missing piece. I love you more than ever with that love that doesn't cease."
I let out a watery laugh. "That's a lot of love." I murmur.
"I love you Jade," she whispered to me.
"I love you too, Tori." I answered. Then I looked back at the officiant.
"Jade, do you have something to say?"
I nodded and took a deep breath. "Mine is short and sweet, but no less profound. No less heartfelt. Feelings are not my thing, but for you I don the veil, and by your light others pale by comparison. I place my faith in love and my fate in this communion. I've been having dreams and visions… and in them you are always standing right beside me. I would reach out for your hand and see your arms extending towards me."
I swallowed, "so… I give you my pledge to honor all that's good in this life we're living. To think not only of myself, but of the greater union. With you I am revealed, All my shame, all my faults and virtues. So I devote my heart, body, spirit and soul to you. I love you."
Tori smiled broadly and squeezed my fingers in her hands. We turned to face the officiant again.
That was lovely," she said. Was she crying? I turned to our guests and they were all crying. Was I so detached from my emotions normally? I turned back to the front and waited. She continued the ceremony and the I Do's like normal. I mean every wedding had those. I floated through putting the ring on Tori's finger. Which had been brought down the aisle by Cat's little boy as the ring bearer.
She slipped a ring on mine. My fogged brain registering the change in temperature and texture. And then it was over.
We stress over this day for months and it goes by in a blink. The relief in my body evident when I sink down into the back of the limo to LAX.
"That was really beautiful." Tori said into the skin of my neck as we sat waiting for our flight. I got close to her, my face blocking her face from prying eyes around us.
"You really ought to stop doing that." I whispered. "I just want to take you now."
"I want to fuck you right now…" She whispered, as I kissed the side of her face. As it was still hidden in my neck.
"Geez. I think Chloë had the most fun at the wedding." I said trying to think of anything but her words and the breath on my neck. Then I noticed someone had their phone out sitting right in front of us. They were recording us being us. I always thought this was strange.
I glared at the person until they put away the phone. "It's all clear." I murmured.
"I like it here." Tori said and licked my neck.
I jumped and gasped. "Tor!"
She giggled. Then she sighed. "Do you think we left too soon after the wedding. Do you think that Chloë is feeling abandoned?"
"Are you kidding? She's with Trina, Sinj and Alyssa. She is in Chloë heaven." I answered and looked at a last minute work text.
"I guess you're right." The intercom went off and tori looked up. She stood and reached for my hand. "That's us…."
I groaned a bit not looking forward to the 24 hr trip. But a trip to Asia is seriously not what other celebrities do. So I'm into it. "Promise you are going to make this flight worth it."
"Oh yeah… round trip." she stated and then pulled me toward the plane. "Besides we get one long stopover in Hokkaido on the way to Jakarta."
A/N: The song and vows in this chapter are taken from.
"Meet me at the Altar" by Jagged Edge
"Wedding song," by Bob Dylan
"Wedding Song," by Tracy Chapman