.
DISCLAIMER: I can show u da wae
Chapter 5
Think you can take me
Don't forget me
XxXxXxXxX
StudMuffin quietly studied the other mercenaries within the castle room, many of them strong and well versed in their craft, some of which he recognize from their emblem stamped to their armor or tattooed to their skin.
His eyes flicked to Tassa the Rifter, she was a sharpshooter and scout of renown.
He glanced to the right: Red Sieg, an infamous mercenary who specialize in overkill methods.
He knew that these mercenary while money drove them, they also wanted a challenge, no doubt they understood that something was going on in Mewni, and like any merc he followed his nose.
Where there was strife, mercenary's called it life.
He leaned back examining the rest of the batch: just the usual mercenaries looking for work and green horns looking to make a name for themselves. StudMuffin let the thought roll in his head, grinning under the mask, amused that he was once like that and that of Marc who probably wanted to be the same. Anyone could be a mercenary out in the dimensions, it wasn't difficult so long as you could do the job. Unfortunately, that gave rise too many wannabe ones.
Normally, the community would do something about them but they also had the habit of getting way over their heads and promptly died. Equilibrium achieved without anyone lifting their finger.
Still there was a lot of applicants, normally it was just whoever found the bounty first and then taking or decline the job when arrived, but it seemed that the contractor wanted something more than the bounty led on. StudMuffin was curious why be so secretive, then again revealing weakness publicly often led to a coup soon afterwards. He wanted more information, he could leverage it to make a killing or sell the information and rake in the dough.
StudMuffin sighed, watching one merc enter a door flanked by two beefy knights with wicked halberds, not to be seen afterwards, hmmm, one way one exit, smart. If they decline or accept we won't know, they also stop information leaking to us waiting, so we're all blind going in…clever system.
He ignored most of the mercenaries until Tassa and Red Sieg got their turn, he watched them carefully, trying to decipher if they were tense, on guard or any other tell that would help him gauge the situation.
The two walked in with their own style of swagger, he rolled his eyes, typical Tassa. Sieg needs work.
StudMuffin mentally counted how long each one of them were apart, it fell within 7 minutes between each one.
Looks like they didn't like what they heard…
"Alright—you there, you're next."
StudMuffin stood up and walked in, the knight held up a hand, "No masks." "You're kidding."
The knight took a step closer, Stud held his breath, the stank was real, "TAKE. IT. OFF."
"No. Also breath mints."
"It's fine, just let him in!"
The knight glanced back before growling at him, "Move it!"
StudMuffin gave a mock bow, "Count your blessings."
The mercenary looked at the lavishly decorated room, again knights flanked the contractor, who sat behind a desk looking disgruntled. Stud stood in front of the kingdom's ruler, folding his arms at the sight of them, a glare followed.
The moment the doors closed behind him did the contractor speak to him, irritated, "You're already at a bad start with me, sellsword, I have half a mind to jettison you out of that window."
Half a mind, half a brain…that would explain a lot…
StudMuffin nodded his head, feeling the familiar weight of his mask, "Yes, I suppose you could, my Queen."
She glared at the way she was addressed, "…I have a problem I want you to sort out. Immediately. It's the forest over yonder."
He stroked his chin for a moment, not really caring, he wasn't getting what he wanted: information, "Mhmmm, I dunno, that's a high order for an ambiguous reward…I don't even know what I'm going to do when I get there."
"You won't get the full details until you decide whether or not to take it."
StudMuffin's eyes flicked to the doors across the room, his eyes spying the many minute scuffles on the floor and the smeared handles on otherwise cleaned ones, he narrowed his eyes.
"Not a lot of luck, huh? Please, I can already tell the mercs didn't see it worth their time, otherwise you'd kick us all out now."
"And what if this was just a courtesy, hm? What if you're wrong and I needed more than one mercenary?" she spat.
StudMuffin scoffed, "If that was true then any mercenary interested would have declined. A dangerous bounty but having to work with others AND split the pay too? I'd just shoot the other merc in the back…or let them die doing your little chore."
The queen looked ready to blow her crown off.
The knights leveled their halberds at him.
"So, did any mercenary accepted it?"
"…"
"You can keep that scowl on your face, but it's not gonna help fix your problem."
"…"
StudMuffin looked at the queen for a moment, seeing her temple actually vein up, the scowl deepening, he could tell he pushed her just at the threshold. He silently sized up the guards, their armor thick but he was sure he could punch a hole through the both of them.
"Hm, dangerous or not, I do accept the contract, Queen Spiderbite."
It took a long minute for the queen to rein in her anger, she gave the knights a terse wave and they pulled their halberds back.
"…go to the forest and slay the Iron Bull Arachnids. All of it." she said quietly, still very much angry at the mercenary.
He bowed before walking to the door, the knights didn't budge for a moment before allowing him exit, he turned to the queen, "I don't want gold, I want something else arranged for my reward."
.
StudMuffin walked out of the kingdom, he saw Tassa and Red Sieg off to the side with their own crew, discussing the waste of time they had. He made it a point to not be seen in their line of sight but when they swaggered forward, he knew it wasn't gonna go his way.
"MuffinTop, I see you took her little contract."
"Hmph, still gonna do it?"
StudMuffin stopped and looked at them, "Killing a bunch of angry spider might be grunt work, but—"
"But nothing, MuffinTop! Knowing her, she's gonna hire even more mercenaries after you, that's a fucking colony out there, no way you're gonna kill them all. Just gonna piss 'em off!" Red Sieg gave a careless wave, Tassa was watching him intently.
He shrugged and pushes past the two, not caring as the two fling insults at his back. After 30 odd paces he put his hand into the dirt road and pulled out his duffel bag and dusted it from the soil before turning and disappearing into the Forest of Unlikely Spider Bites.
Tassa and Red Sieg looked at the lone mercenary vanish into the forest, before motioning the crew to leave,
"20 on him biting it." Sieg laughed as he walked away. Tassa pulled her hat off, glancing inside of it before putting it back on and leaving all the same.
.
He looked at the sky for a second, seeing fewer and fewer bright patches and rusty and dark shades overtaking it, a chill began to settle in.
"Hmmm, time for supper."
StudMuffin pushed deeper into the forest, he spent a good amount just getting himself lost in the forest, avoiding trails and purposely choosing a more treacherous route. He flicked his finger burning away thick cobwebs and brush before he found a nice clearing for him to stop for the night.
He put his duffel bag down before gathering a handful of branches and sticks, before tossing a handful of fire into it and tending to the bonfire, a trail of smoke wafting upwards. He took a piece of dried meat and held it by the fire, the succulent scent of meat and spices filling the mushy and damp air for a moment.
Picking and pulling on the darken parts of the meat, he chewed it as the night began to pull into the forest. The fire followed the breeze, StudMuffin looked up towards the sky, a thick canvas of black, not a single star twinkled above him.
He sighed before he continued to eat, taking his time chewing on the tasty meat.
He stopped when he heard something to his side, a shadow leaning against the tree, StudMuffin narrowed his eyes and resumed chewing, the fire still burning brightly.
"Sorry…been walking for…hours…" came a raspy reply, StudMuffin straighten up, his mask gleamed by the campfire.
"Understandable. Why don't you have a seat with me?"
"…don't want to…intrude…you're having a…good bite there though."
The mercenary chuckled, he held up the jerky to the shadow, "There's plenty, want a bite?"
The shadow cautiously walked forward, StudMuffin placed the meat on the shadow's outstretch hand, it closed around it.
"Ah, I recognize you now, you were with me at the interview. I guess I wasn't the only one."
The campfire didn't illuminate much of the surroundings but StudMuffin could see the tattoo on the shadow's hand when it darted back, the sound of chewing could be heard. StudMuffin's eyes looked upwards oh so slightly before resting on the shadow again, it was just at the edge of the campfire's brilliance, seemed like he was speaking to an outline than a person.
StudMuffin watched the shadow for a moment.
"Tastes good? It's a home blend."
"It's tasty."
StudMuffin stood up suddenly, a fireball on hand.
"Mhmmm, you said that so clearly, but I can still hear your mouth chomping!" He threw the fireball upwards and the sky shrieked in surprise allowing the star speckled canvas to be seen again, the shadow suddenly fell forward the jerky bounced on the ground, half eaten.
He glanced at the campfire and made it erupt, letting it grow and shining light all over his surroundings.
StudMuffin looked at the shadow sadly, it was a mercenary, however it had spider thread all over him and most horrifying was the fact the threads were coming out of the merc. He saw threads around the jaw, the neck, the torso, all over the body; it was sickening but clever, he looked up to see his real guest:
The Iron String Puppeteer Arachnid.
A devious spider, using it's threads, it could mimic speech and movement of its victim, even making it speak by wrapping threads around the torso forcing the corpse to breath in and out and around it's throat and vocal chords. This complex trick allowed it to sneak up on prey and get them to lower their guard, a beast capable of hunting the hunter.
The spider knew it was found and immediately fled, StudMuffin threw a fireball and it lit the canopy of the tree, he threw more before kicking dirt over the fire, grabbing his bag and ran after the spider as it scurried above the treetops.
Using a bright fireball as a guiding light, he sent more fireballs even as he traverse the terrain, uncaring whatever heard his actions. He let loose more and more before he ran ahead of the massive spider as it was throwing webs down the trees hoping to tangle him. Stud saw the spider ready to change directions before he slammed a fist down into the ground,
GNOME!
Suddenly the ground groaned and rippled, the spider halted feeling the trees sway unnaturally before they began to fall forcing it to jump as they began to topple downwards.
IGNIS!
The spider shrieked as fireball smashed into its side and fell to the wreckage below, writhing as the flames refused to go out. StudMuffin walked up to it, flames dancing around his hands,
"Easy spider, you don't want to be burned to a crisp." The fire receded.
The spider raised its front legs and brought it down, slender legs but strong enough to break bones, the mercenary avoided the attacks before fireballs raced towards the spider. Webs caught the flames in midair before it fled scurrying away on ground level, StudMuffin in quick pursuit.
He frowned when he realized it was carpeting the ground with webs, sticking him to it but a quick douse of fire stopped the trick and he was hot on it's fat butt, any rogue flames he distinguished. The spider almost lost him in the winding path and thick underbrush, however StudMuffin was determine to follow it back to its lair.
The spider began to slow, whether from fatigue or from the injuries it took from him, the mercenary got ready to fight. The fireball lit up brilliantly, casting a light to the surroundings, he stiffen seeing corpses and the like around the trees and some even hung or in a web bundle. He stopped following the spider, knowing he was where he wanted to be.
The Puppeteer Spider scurried underneath a fallen tree, StudMuffin made a ball of blue fire and sent it searing after it. The fire spread rapidly around it and didn't go out as the spider tumbled into it's own home and grave.
StudMuffin saw tendrils of smoke rise from the hole before he looked over the massive graveyard, the spider had been busy, he looked at some, seeing their attire and body structure and move back in disgust: Mewman and monster.
"I guess anything is on the menu when you're that big…" he said aloud, he frowned sensing something wrong.
He looked towards the sky, it was pitch black again. He frowned when spiders seemingly descend from it, all the size of the Iron String Puppeteer, although the main difference was horns growing out of it's legs and framing it head and body, eyes being protected.
StudMuffin waited for the spiders to all descend before the biggest of them all came lumbering forward, it's many eyes hatefully on him, instead of a dark coloration it looked more gray as if aged among its kind, "Interloper, you dare kill upon our lands!"
The mercenary made no reaction to the talking spider, even though he would have jumped back at the suddenness. He responded coolly to it, as if was just another person,
"I dunno about your lands but—"
Clicking.
Angry clicking.
"We were here before any of you! All of you! Since the land was young we flourish here! We Iron Bull Arachnids were here before any you interloper races came and we will be here long after the dust blows from your bones! You come here spilling blood upon our lands, just like any other race: you have no honor!"
StudMuffin frowned and reached into his duffel bag pulling out a sword and pointed it at the lead spider, the rest loudly clack and clipped their jaws and struck their horns, making a ruckus but the merc ignored them, a way to communicate no doubt…
The sword was then pointed at the numerous webbed victims and dried out husks, "Your pretty words doesn't change the fact you have been wantonly killing and eating the denizens of this world. I can tell some of those victims were even close to the forest and you killed them all the same, you lying cow."
The spiders merely stared at him, the lead spider straightening up at the accusation. StudMuffin noticed the change and planted the sword down into the ground.
"Hmph, I see those so called rulers…so called 'Queen' and 'King' has finally found a worthy adversary for me…my kind has warned them time and time again to stop laying claim to which is not their own. What have they promised you, interloper?"
"I haven't decided but while we're being civil let's swap names, I hate to be called an 'interloper' and no doubt you dislike the name 'cow' for the rest of this conversation."
The spider clicked it jaws, "Ah your banter, it would be a shame to just eat you now…"
"…StudMuffin. And yours…?"
The spider drew itself up proudly seemingly bigger than before,
"Skya Karak the Exalted One."
"Alright, Skya Karak, now that we are on speaking terms, why don't you just crawl back into your mud hovels and stay there, lest you face my wrath."
The following cascade of clicking, he took for laughter, even Skya Karak seemed to be amused by it, "As if you could make good on that threat! What cheek! I will admit, taking out that little spider is no easy feat…but fighting a full grown Iron Bull Arachnid, ah, now that's another story."
The spider took a step closer, it's entire body nearly bearing down on the mercenary before it began to circle him, "Hmph, you are not frighten nor intimidated by the sheer number or your foe. Brave to be sure but very stupid."
StudMuffin sighed, "You're boring me to death, daddy long legs, why don't you try to attack me so I have the excuse of killing you and all of your kin."
Skya Karak faced him again, "We will not bow to lesser creatures than ourselves, StudMuffin, tell that your rulers. If they send their champions into the forest, we will make meals out of them."
He looked at it for a long time, "I guess negotiating is over huh?"
"Count your stars, warrior, not many gets to walk away from an Iron Bull Arachnid with all his limbs. Now leave my sight, my forest and pray that you never come back here again…or I will have your corpse be grub for my children."
"Hmph, it would look bad if I go back empty handed…I still have a quota to fulfill, maybe a dozen of your corpse will please the Queen." StudMuffin took of his mask and smiled widely at the spider, his confidence exuding that even the spider hesitated for a moment.
StudMuffin expected an attack, but when the ground literally flipped open revealing an Iron Trapdoor Arachnid, he was taken back. The rest of them scurried away to the sides as the massive spider tried to drive its massive fangs into him. One spider fell into the pit.
GNOME!
Hand on sword, the earth door froze in the air before it came crashing back down on the massive spider, one leg snapping off, spinning and battering down unfortunate spiders in it's path.
For a brief second the spiders just stared at the mercenary that easily slammed the trapdoor down on the spider that uses it. StudMuffin shoved the mask back on and as if on cue all of them scurried away, suddenly aware they just pissed off him off.
StudMuffin ran forward as the spiders suddenly found themselves being overturned by a force from underneath, the ground protruding stalagmites. The more nimble and wary ones leapt or using the web to flee while the least expecting found a blistering hot sword hacking through their legs, thorax or abdomen.
Some stood fast, leaping and throwing web, the mercenary took them on, fire cloaking his body and dancing along his sword he slash into the spider, the sword sometimes bouncing off the horns and armor when he aimed for the eyes.
Rolling to avoid a stampeding one, plunging his sword into the second that attempted to do the same before he pulled out his trusty pistol and began to fire. He grunted when the bullets missed soft flesh and slammed into the horns, producing a sharp tone.
He lost his pistol when one managed to ram into him a tree, it's many hairs felt like needles, puncturing through his clothes and into him pricking his flesh. He made a fistful of flames and punched into the spider only to have it bounce off, he grunted moving his body to avoid its palp and chelicera from bludgeoning him.
He tried again, this time managing to sear into the spider and it writhed as its insides bubbled. StudMuffin grunted as the spider went through its death throes before it fell dead, he punched it and a leg twitched.
The shriek and clicking that echoed earlier seemed like a distant memory, the roasting smell of spider flesh and overturn dirt however was fresh and overbearing.
StudMuffin pushed the spider off him, feeling blood staining his clothes underneath, he casually flicked a hair on the spider and wobbled like a wire, no wonder they call them 'iron horns' even their damn hair feels like metal…
He looked at the carnage he wrought: clipped nearly half a dozen down, but the rest had already fled back into the forest and darkness, no doubt licking their wounds, he was sure he hurt plenty of them.
All around him were dead spider.
Except for the lead spider, it watched him from above on a tree.
It could have easily struck him down while he was dealing with that one spider.
"That wasn't one of your kin, Skya Karak, was it?"
"…no, even our kind would eat each other given the chance. That's life at it's cruelest. And best."
StudMuffin looked at the spider, he could only imagine how old it was, "Take your dead, I'm sure you want to bury them."
"Hoping to kill me, too?"
He shook his head, "Even enemies can respect each other."
The spider chuckled, "I don't think so…they are your kill, your trophies, you best show them the honor they deserve, for we will just consume their flesh and toss their carcass somewhere. Alive they are my sons and daughter, my children, my warriors…dead and they only serve as sustenance for my ilk. Take them, StudMuffin. And tell that Queen that you fought fang and venom and that you would not take another request like this again."
StudMuffin looked at the ancient spider, understanding what it wanted and he nodded, agreeing to the arrangement. It looked at him for a moment before prying a tip of its horn off its leg and tossed it below before disappearing into the darkness.
He looked at the fallen spiders, he looked for the spider with his sword and pulled it free and began his grisly work.
StudMuffin stood in front of Queen Spiderbite, behind him were six dead spiders bleeding in the courtyard, she stared at them in amazement and revulsion. Her eyes shifted to each one, seeing some charred and others horribly disfigured, her eyes fell back to the mercenary, looking tired and reasonably dirty.
She looked for the right words to say,
"You didn't do what I asked."
"…"
The present knights looked on, knowing that kind of answer would instigate a very unruly mercenary. Their weapons gleamed in the sunlight, ready to be drawn and leveled in a moment's noticed.
"With all due respect, I went into your forest and dealt with the spiders the size of a cow. I didn't do everything you asked but I sure as feck will be compensated for my troubles." He said calmly, even though his hand rested on his weapons.
The queen narrowed her eyes as she approached looking at the spiders with great interest, she ran a hand down the horns, feeling the rigid hair, the injuries inflicted. StudMuffin didn't bother keeping his eyes on her, he let her circle him and his trophies like a vulture, before coming back forward.
"Mhmmm, seeing how injured you are and seeing these spiders without them mashed to a pulp does satisfy me in some capacity…name your price, I will refute any unreasonable rewards, sellsword."
StudMuffin gave a slight head tilt.
"I want something good to eat, somewhere nice to rest and when ready, transportation or a portal to a destination of my choice."
The queen closed her eyes for a moment, giving the impression of thinking over his reward. In actuality it was a bargain for his work, those spiders killed almost every person she sent, what he asked was paltry.
"Alright, I find your terms…just about acceptable. You may eat in the royal hall, rest in a lavish inn and at noon I will send you on your way."
She didn't wait for him to agree, the queen turned and left, knights flanked her side while the rest took the spiders away for examination. The mercenary didn't move for a moment and looked at one of the towers before moving on.
.
He found his way to the royal hall, taking a seat on one of the feast table, the cook came and asked what he would like.
"Whatever you already have readily available, no need to be so extravagant." The cook nodded at the request, "Something just below a royal function." The cook paused before nodding again.
"Let me see what I can do."
The cook hurried away, also sporting a spider bite on his ear, the mercenary noted it and took out a small journal, cataloging his jobs and other dubious transactions he made. He jotted down lines after lines for half an hour before he snapped it shut just as someone trend closer, trying to sneak a peak over his shoulder.
"Yes, can I help you?"
"Ah. Um, those spiders were really big that you brought in…I doubt those are the ones that usually bit us."
StudMuffin turned his head to look at Penelope Spiderbite before turning back, "Yes, spiders that size crawling around your kingdom, kinda hard to miss, wouldn't you think?"
He felt the simmer of the princess at the reply, "Ugh, you're filthy, where have you been."
"Everywhere. I was in a forest earlier. Got spider guts and blood on me. Nice musk wouldn't you agree?"
"Quit being gross."
He shrugged as he leaned back, looking at the princess, she frowned seeing his mask: a porcelain skull, there were chips and dings on it, it had seen it's fair share of wear.
"What's up with that mask?"
"It keeps my pretty face from being ruined."
"Or someone seeing your ugly mug."
He laughed before taking it off, she frowned seeing a dirty face in need of a good wash, "Ugh, put it back on."
He smirked before shaking his head, "I don't think so, I'm going to eat."
As if on cue two servants walked up to him and put down a plate and his meal: thick slices of bread and crust with a side of butter, a well cooked steak slathered with a handful of cooked shrimp, a bowl of cut greens, fruit and nuts, a buttered Mewni corn cob, a plate of cheese and two chalices one with water and the other rich wine.
Penelope raised her brow as the mercenary began to tuck it in, "You're eating well. I'm sure your pay was just as good."
"This is [chewing] my pay."
She looked at it, "Nothing extravagant? How about dessert?"
He looked up thoughtfully, "I don't know any of the kingdom's desserts."
She looked over to the cook, she made a familiar gesture and he nodded, "That's alright, I made an order, you can have some if you tell me where you've been."
StudMuffin chewed his food thoughtfully speaking between bites, "Where I have been is nothing special. Jumped through dimensions, took jobs, mostly out in the Wastelands, it's real fun out there."
"Is that place is lawless. And really dangerous."
"If you do stupid things, yeah. I have fun there, always meet new people and wannabe mercs."
He continued to eat and answer Penelope, who eventually sat across him, asking all sorts of questions. She studied his face but it didn't bother him too much, he liked the food he was eating, besides everyone tended to do that.
"You're young." "Mhmmm."
"But you really need a bath." "Hear hear."
"You could be pretty handsome underneath all that filth." "Or not."
Penelope pouted before the servant came again, putting a tasty slice of pie in front of them, the buttery flakes, the sweet aroma of fruit and nuts and generous dash of cream on top.
"Yummy."
StudMuffin gave it a look and she grinned, pulling it back, "Looks good, right? Maybe you should have asked for some."
"You did offer."
She hummed before sliding it back forward, "Well, go on, have a taste."
He smiled before taking his fork and taking a piece, he chewed it tasting the sweet, the tart and the underlying spice, it was pretty good. She smiled before helping herself, "Is StudMuffin your real name?"
"Yup, ma really knew I was going to be quite the looker."
She hummed and the two continued to eat their respective meals, having their fill of talking.
.
StudMuffin looked at his watch, seeing he had just about two hours of sleep before he had to be in front of the queen again. He sat on the bed, he asked for the smallest but nicest room they had at the inn and he wasn't disappointed with it. He had put his bag down before patting down the bed, a little habit he got after living in the lawless Wastelands for so long.
Never know when someone would put a Rip Viper in your sheets as a 'prank'. He flopped on it, not bothering washing up, he earned his sleep and he wasn't gonna waste any more of it getting clean.
He let the sleep overtake him.
The birds and the bustle of the kingdom were low, only thing audible was StudMuffin's peaceful breathing.
His watch ticking on his wrist as he slept on. Something scurried across it. Light on it's feet and deceptively quiet, it carefully tread upon the mercenary's arm before settling on ihis chest, its eyes fixed on him.
It showed it weapons for a second and a hand quickly snatched it, the spider huddled in the palm, "I should have known this place shouldn't have gotten that 5 Star ratings…"
The mercenary sat up and looked at it with disdain, the spider looked at him before crawling up to his fingers, looking at him intently still.
"The Exalted One sent me to watch over you." It's voice tiny, he frowned, "Tell it I don't need adult supervision. I'm fine on my own."
The spider made no move, "It was to ensure no other arachnid comes to harm you lest you come back for revenge. We now know your violent strength, StudMuffin. We wish not to make unnecessary enemies."
He put the spider on the nightstand and turned over, uninterested with the spider's words.
.
"Alright, StudMuffin, you had your meal, your rest and now for your threefold reward: where do you wish to go?"
The mercenary looked at the queen then glanced at the king before pointing a thumb over his shoulder, "I want to pay the Butterfly Kingdom a visit."
The two stiffen at the destination, the queen gently turned the dimensional scissors in her hand, "Why in Mewni would you want to go there?"
"I go where the bounties and contracts are, I heard they have problems aplenty."
The two rulers couldn't help but sneer at the words, "You don't need to put your ear to the ground to know that."
The king took the scissors before cutting up a portal and gestured to it, StudMuffin nodded but didn't move.
"Yes? Something the matter?"
He knelt down and put a hand on the grass, the two rulers looked at him curiously even the knights did, their hands on their weapons.
GNOME+UNDINE
REVENGE OF THE MUD MEN
The two rulers took a step back as the soil suddenly rumbled and a person emerged, the knights came forward but the mercenary threw up a hand, "Be still, it's just a precaution…"
The mud person looked around before walking forward, the queen and king looked at it with interest as it looked like the mercenary and walked through the portal. StudMuffin stood there waiting before he nodded, "Alright, I guess that checks out."
The king and queen looked at him with offense, "You think we would send you elsewhere?"
StudMuffin bowed, "My sincerest apologies, I've been fooled one too many times by those who makes portals for me, last time I found myself in a moat with hungry crocodiles or a pit with spikes."
The two grumbled, "Rest assured, we do not do that! Have a little bit more faith with our respectable kingdom."
"I'll remember that. Thank you, King Spiderbite, Queen Spiderbite."
He crossed through the portal.
The two rulers looked at it before dismissing the knights, "Next time he comes around..."
They both nodded and went back into their castle.
StudMuffin looked up and saw the massive walls erected around the Butterfly Kingdom. He sighed and gave his duffel bag to the mud person before casually shoving it over and it dived back into the soil, the bag gone.
He dusted himself and made his trek, feeling more and more eyes on him as he got closer, mostly from the knights above the wall and those stationed at the gates, some even patrolling beyond it.
The corn field was much larger, the parts that wasn't protected by walls or the force field had knights there along with other crops and more farm animals other than the famed pig-goat.
He walked and lined up behind some peasants and peons, he looked over to see the other gate admitting merchants and carriages but he shrugged. This route was a lot faster if just a bit smellier.
He got pressed against those in line, he felt deft fingers jimmy his belt, he quickly caught the hand of a child cutpurse, she looked surprised and he peered down on her from his skull mask.
"Nimble fingers…don't you think your parents would be disappointed?"
"They're dead." She snarled and pulled free, sulking away, he shook his head,
"Little shit."
The queue moved along, a knight looking over them before a hand came and caught his shoulder, he looked at him, "No. You go over there."
He glanced to the side, there were knights waiting there, "Why?"
"Obviously, yer not a peasant, peon, farmer or serf aren't ya?"
"What if this is my good clothes?"
The knight's grip tighten, "Look at this jester! Go over there. Now."
StudMuffin clenched his jaw and fists for a moment before complying, the knights smelled as if they hadn't bathed for days, he crinkled his nose.
"Alright, lose da mask. Empty yer boots, pockets and satchels. Yer weapons there."
The mercenary grunted and followed, the knights watched him, leaving him in nearly in the bare. They pointed at his underwear.
"Lose dat."
"I'm sorry but the women of Mewnii would never leave me alone if I did."
They laughed but the moment the draft tickled his loins they stopped, even looking disgruntled, he smirked.
"Get dressed ye—"
"Mercenary. Bounty Hunter." StudMuffin spat mimicking their speech, pulling his clothes back on and leaving the knights to simmer. Normally, talk like that would go poorly for him, but the dimension was going poorly as well, they couldn't afford to turn away skill hands.
But there were limits.
He walked through the place, seeing the clear division of wealth: dilapidated houses, mucky streets, not a clear sewer system and the usual over crowdedness. He didn't linger long and walked up to the castle, again there were knights and guards who eye him top and down.
"State your name and business." Said by a gruff knight.
"StudMuffin. Here to complete a contract or bounty by one Moon Butterly." He put a paper on his hands.
The knight glanced at it before looking at him, "That's Queen Moon Butterfly to you, bounty hunter."
"I will struggle to remember that."
The knight glared at him but opened a door and jammed a finger inside, "You can wait in here until the Queen will see you, cobhead."
"I think the term is 'knobhead', you cobhead."
StudMuffin was shoved inside and he rolled his eyes at the knight, he took a chair and dragged it to the corner and waited: again the room was reminiscent of the one in the Spiderbite Kingdom.
Actually in any of the kingdoms he had visited.
Either the same person made their castles…or they need a better castle designer…
Again he studied the mercenary and bounty hunter hopefuls in the room, a lot of green and spotty ones. He sighed and leaned back, his thoughts wandering, he looked at his watch before looking out the window, uncaring at the weather even as a rather gray cloud drifted along.
What are you even doing here?
Mhmmm, getting yourself into trouble?
StudMuffin involuntarily shook his head, he scowled seeing he caught a mercenary's attention, who quickly looked away. He frowned and tried to keep his mind off the room full rookie mercenaries, surprised he didn't see Tassa or Red Sieg but then again he didn't need them around either.
He pulled out his journal, glad the knights didn't manage to find it on his person, he read a few lines, turned pages, crossing out and writing something down. It was a chore balancing and keeping track of his actions and findings, but in the long run it would
"STUDMUFFIN YER NEXT!"
He frowned and snapped the journal shut and tucked it away, he walked over to the knight and he opened a door for him and ushered him through, "Mind yer manners."
He gave a stiff nod and walked in.
The room was tidy, not overly decorated, just a few large picture frames, a marble bust here and there and Butterfly banners along the wall and tapestry, a bookshelf in the corner. The queen sat behind a well-kept wooden desk, she was busy writing while two knights hung back, spears on their hands and swords on their hips, the plume tucked on their helms.
StudMuffin stood before the queen; she continued to write as if she didn't notice him enter. Normally they were already in a bitter mood, however this ruler seemed to keep herself in check, so he stood there waiting for her to address him.
Seconds tick by.
Minutes followed.
StudMuffin stood there, waiting, his eyes straying to the knights, studying their coat of arms and such, their armor dented in places.
"You're not eager for work, Mister Sellsword?"
"Mhmmm, it's impolite to speak before spoken to."
Queen Butterfly paused before lifting her eyes to meet his gaze, the mask threw her off a bit. She glanced back down to her papers before sighing and stacking them and folding her hands in front of him, "Answer my question—"
"StudMuffin."
She pursed her lips before nodding, "Yes, Mister StudMuffin."
He bowed before straightening up, "I am always eager for work, however your little post entailed little of what needs to be done…what has happened, Queen Butterfly?"
"I suppose it was ambiguous, however—"
"It has been the same for many places I have visited as of late. Sorry, but I've gotten the topic danced around too many times, I wish to speak plainly and be answered as well."
The queen narrowed her eyes before sitting up a bit straighter, "Where have you been sellsword?"
"A few kingdoms on Mewni, those who are not adverse to my profession."
"Which ones."
He was silent, Moon digested what he said and she glanced at the knights, "I'm to believe you accepted each one? Even if it was dangerous or above your skills?"
"I'm sure you received my resume, the knight out front did take it."
Moon studied him for a second before she took a sheet of folded paper from her desk and read it,
Name: StudMuffin
Occupation: Dimensional Mercenary/Bounty Hunter
Accomplishments: Plenty
Strength: Above Average
Intellect: Above Average
Skills: Above Average
Hygiene: Average
Hobby: Traveling
Moon looked up from the sheet, looking positively annoyed, "Is this a joke to you?"
"No. If it was then I wouldn't have bothered coming all the way here for an interview to a job I might not even take. I will take the job so long it is reasonable."
"No." Moon folded the resume and put it aside, "You accept it and get the details. You don't and you leave empty handed. What will it be, sellsword."
"I believe I've told you my name."
Moon studied him, he was clearly an experienced mercenary and the way he spoke and reacted was someone who was well versed with negotiating. Her eyes fell upon his garb, a mismatch of clothes and definitely dirty from the looks of it, he didn't carry any weapons openly either, the mask still obscured his face.
"…remove your mask and I'll tell you a bit more of the task at hand."
He shrugged and pulled it off and tucking it inside of his clothes, brushing his bangs aside, he looked at her and smiled confidently, she frowned.
Dirty. That's what came to mind.
"Your face is filthy."
He looked surprised, "That's a rude thing to say, but I'll let it slide: what's the details on your little task?"
Moon frowned and thought about it for a moment, "I want you to go to somewhere to confirm something for me and report back to me. Only me."
StudMuffin gave her a look, "Cryptic…I can walk out that door and walk back in and tell you it's a lovely day. Will that suffice?"
The queen glared at him.
He hummed as he cycled what the queen wanted in his head, obviously something had gone awfully wrong.
Why send a mercenary? It must be domestic issue.
Then that means something happened? Could be within the kingdom. Or not.
Within the kingdom or outside? If inside then she could deal with it, I would stand out.
Where outside? Another kingdom or surrounding area.
Another kingdom she could investigate by going there? No, she's being ridiculed by other kingdoms, they don't trust her. Again I would stand out.
What's surrounding the Butterfly Kingom? Five kingdoms: east, west, north-west, south-west and above. Plenty of space. Rivers and lakes. Mountains. Forests.
Too many places…must narrow it down.
"It seems to me, Queen Butterfly…you have a problem I might not be able to solve after all. I'm sorry to have wasted your time."
The queen sighed, "You may leave."
He bowed
The door burst open, he looked up surprised as Moon sighed loudly, "How many times have I told you to NOT KICK OPEN DOORS!?"
"Sorry Mom, I heard you interviewing and I came as quick as I could."
"I started ages ago…"
StudMuffin straighten up, seeing the new arrival, "And you are?"
She spun to look at him, her sun kissed hair swaying, her eyes fell on him, "Ooh, I'm Star!"
He nodded, his mind racing and mentally shrugged if his plan didn't work out, "What do you need me to find in the Forest of Unlikely Spiderbites?"
Moon snapped her head at him, but that brief moment, that distraction was all he needed, Star looked at him funny, "Huh? It's the Forest of Certain—!" "STAR!"
StudMuffin smiled triumphantly, Moon pushed herself up from the desk, Star stepped back at her accidental slip.
"Hm, I take it back, Queen Moon, I will be taking the contract after all."
The acceptance was not noted as the queen marched up to him; he could see the hard ice blue eyes bearing at him, he couldn't help but smile. He waited for the eventual punch to the face or maybe thrown across the room, instead she simply walked back, he breathed out relieved.
"…no, you already made your decision, leave. Now."
StudMuffin shook his head, "It was a little underhand, but otherwise we would be standing here for days. I'm sorry Star."
She looked at him, she was definitely angry, he gave her an apologetic smile. She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head.
"Since I got that tidbit out, I guess it's fair to say I have been to Kingdom Spiderbite, first thing that came to mind."
"You could be lying."
"But I'm not. I've also been to—" "Enough, you can't validate you have been there."
StudMuffin sighed before nodding his head, "Fine. You're right. I can't. They all did the same thing as you did: ambiguous task. No paperwork or paper trail. Classic."
Moon froze as did Star, the queen glanced at the knights and waved to them, they protested, "But my queen!"
"Now, Sir Felix, I wish to have a private audience."
The two knights frowned but moved as they were commanded.
The two looked at the mercenary, "Where have you been?"
He listed off the kingdoms: Waterfolk, Johansen, Pigeon, Jaggy Mountains and SpiderBite.
Moon frowned at the list, Star folded her arms, "You've been busy."
"I have. So, since we're all caught up…may I have the rest of the information for my task? I have a 100% satisfaction rate."
"Really now?" Moon raised an eyebrow.
He nodded, "60% of the time."
Star frowned.
Moon merely shook her head, Star stood behind her mother as she explained, "Alright StudMuffin, since you will be undertaking this task, it is binding I might add…I want you to go to the Forest of Certain Death and locate citizens of my kingdom. If they are alive you are to rescue them. If they…if otherwise you will retrieve their remains, I will not have my subjects rot in a forsaken forest."
"What happened? They got lost in there?"
Moon glared at him so did Star, StudMuffin held up his hands, "Whoa, calm down, I'm asking a relevant question."
"If you must know—" "And I should." StudMuffin interjected.
"—they were kidnapped when a raid happened. They came into the castle and snatched them and ran."
"Wow. They could have, you know, burn this place to the ground. That's very strange."
"Yes, we know." Moon said flatly.
"Okay, so who are the culprits? Who should I be looking for?"
The two were silent and the mercenary gave a low whistle, "So…I'm going into the Forest of Certain Death, find some Mewmans in there, get them out while under attack by literally anyone. I got that right?"
"Yes. Sounds like you got the gist of your mission."
"I guess. Who was kidnapped? Anyone of high priority or station? A relative of yours?"
Moon shook her head, "None of my relatives, thankfully. But all who were kidnapped are subjects of mine and no less important. It was knights and castle staff."
"Any belongings missing?"
"No. Just personnel and whatever they had on them."
"How many are we talking here?"
"18 knights, 10 castle staff and 2 squires."
StudMuffin rubbed his chin, dirtying his fingertips, "That's quite troubling, the knights could withstand ill treatment, the others maybe not as much. How long were they missing?"
Star looked down and Moon gravely spoke, heavy were her words, "Around 6 months. I hold on the hope they are alive."
He sighed, nodding as well, "I will see to it they are returned home."
He walked to the door, he pausing as he reached it, StudMuffin turned at the two who were watching him, "By any chance…was Lavabo among the captured?"
Moon and Star visibly stiffen, "Yes, he was." "Do you know him?"
StudMuffin looked at the doorknob before glancing at a nearby flower vase, he took out the flowers and glanced inside of it: clear water, perfect.
"In a way yes…Ah! Before I forget: we haven't settled on a reward yet."
Moon frowned, usually that was the first thing they settled, but earlier events definitely muddled it, "Yes, we'll have a chest filled with an assortment of treasure waiting for you when you return."
"I think I prefer a room and board for a week, if you don't mind."
The Queen blinked before slowly nodding, "Yes, that can be arranged. You'll have a room in an inn."
"Hm, how about the castle suite?"
Moon looked at him, "…no."
"Mom c'mon I can just make him a room." Star whispered to her mother, she gave an exasperated sigh before nodding.
He crossed the room again and held out a hand, she looked at it: dirty. Still she shook his hand, sealing their arrangement.
He made for the door again, pausing at the door, he looked at the vase before he promptly picked it up, the two looked at him questioningly.
"What are you doing?"
"Thirsty?"
He chuckled and douse himself, face first with the vase water, startling the two of them before he rubbed his face, droplets of dirt and muck dirty the floor, the two stared at him, bewildered with his action. Water ran down his clothes and body, making a filthy puddle at his feet.
He shook his head, whipping water about before taking his sleeve and drying his face, he gave a deep sigh and dropped his hands and sleeve.
StudMuffin smiled at the two.
They froze at the sight of him.
The filth and dirt coating his face gone revealed a young tan face, a cute little mole and a wicked scar over his left eye,
"Man, it's been a while but it's good to be back on Mewni. Right, Star? Queen Moon."
Overcome with shock, neither reacted until he opened the door and closed it behind him.
XxXxXxXxX
And that's how you make an OC legit.
You probably already knew, but we had to be absolutely-positively-sure right? StudMuffin is . I'll put up a chapter why he has such a goofy name later in the story. Brings a tear to my eye.
So, is finally back on center stage, I can finally write him as ' ' rather than StudMuffin, while fun it was also tedious. Gosh, it was a pain in some places.
Finally some action, something I am known for and the following chapters is just gonna get spicier and spicier: political tension, action tension and bra tension. StudMuffin is not going to like what he is going to find in that forest. That is fo sure.
Ciao,
I AM NRG
END OF TRANSMISSION