Dreams and Desires
Chapter 19
Attachments
*I own nothing and any similarities with any other works are purely coincidental.
"Nya?"
She was sitting slumped against the wall, hugging her knees tightly in a thinly-veiled attempt to hide the wave of tears streaming down her face. Her eyes quickly shot up at the sound, glancing nervously down the previously deserted hallway. Nya relaxed slightly, for it was only Zane. The calculated nindroid had easily found her, as the place she had gone to wallow in self pity had not been particularly well hidden. In that moment he felt somewhat distracted however, suddenly noticing a striking pattern in her rather defeated body language.
Zane quickly pulled up his memory data and scrolled back to the day Lloyd had been abducted, to the very start of this downward spiral they were all helplessly trapped in. He flipped through the footage until he spotted the correct frame, pausing at the precise moment Lloyd had been in view outside of the kitchen. His fears were realized, as Nya now looked practically identical to that poor distraught blond. It was the same pose, the same face, the same… everything.
Lloyd was blissfully unaware of this fact, but all of his newfound joy and happiness had come at a very steep price. It was one he would not have been willing to pay, but it had come to pass regardless. His disappearance and its successive consequences had utterly broken Nya.
Zane flicked away the mental image and slowly walked over to the melancholy woman. Nya did not look up; she was staring distantly at the opposite wall, lost in a twisted web of conflicting emotions. Jay had been gruesomely injured, brought to the very brink of death before being wrenched back into life once more. And while every indication so far had been reassuring and good, she still couldn't shake the parasitical sense of dread that had slithered its way into her mind.
Far worse was the continued disappearance of Lloyd, who she feared may already have been lost forever. Nya didn't know what to feel or think, as an overwhelming sense of pain and loss consumed her soul. The Green Ninja was the only person on her mind, the one man she couldn't stop thinking about. Nya didn't know how to quantify or express her feelings, but she had certainly been far more protective of him ever since the other ninja were stranded in the Realm of Oni and Dragon. The last thing she wanted was to see him get hurt, but that seemed to be the only constant among all their years as a team. Time and time again it had been Lloyd who made the sacrifices, and yet he reaped none of the rewards. He had said nothing as each one of his friends found their partners, never shown an ounce of envy or selfishness. In return the only person Lloyd had opened his heart to had betrayed that trust, ripping away at his kind and innocent nature in the process. He had never been the same, and the horrifying experience had left him more shy than ever before.
Lloyd had become far more jaded and cynical, shutting out his friends as he sank deeper and deeper into a state of crippling depression. The man had been stricken by more trauma and grief than one should ever have in a lifetime, and that emptiness was slowly beginning to infect each of his friends. It had hurt none more than Nya, who now found herself completely heartbroken over a person she had never loved. There had never been anything between them, but the pair had nonetheless formed an inseparable bond of understanding and trust. She was the only one on the team he really felt comfortable around, and his absence had pained her the most. Nya entirely blamed herself for his disappearance, scolding herself for missing his pain and misery. But the fact that Lloyd had chosen to ignore her in this case was causing her the most distress, and it left Nya with a confused sense of fear and shame.
She finally looked up from her thoughts, turning her attention to the titanium ninja who had been patiently waiting next to her. As much as Nya desperately wanted to talk about her feelings, she just couldn't bring herself to vocalize the miserable existence her life had become. It was beyond comprehension, a level of emotion that simply could not be expressed in words. More than that, Nya feared that her robotic friend would be incapable of understanding, and it was reality she was unwilling to experience. It was ironic; Lloyd was the only one Nya felt truly comfortable talking to but he was the same person she was crying over. She quickly wiped away her tears, quelling and controlling the sadness with her mastery over water.
"I think it's time we got back to the rest of the team." Nya said quietly, her voice a grim but measured tone. Zane nodded in response, helping her get back up to her feet. He could tell there was something still bothering her, but chose to respect her privacy. Knowing when a person just needed some time to themselves was not a skill that came naturally to Zane, but he had slowly begun to understand the nuances of social interactions over the many years he had spent as a ninja. Nya smiled weakly, before running off towards the front door.
Lloyd and Harumi leapt from their dragons, the couple landing gracefully within the decorative courtyard. It was a very strange experience for them both, considering just how much had changed since their last visit. They were entirely new people, for the pair of individuals had both been forever altered by their tumultuous relationship.
In reality he had been here with the ninja less than a week earlier, but it felt like a lifetime ago. Time itself had become an almost unattainable concept to Lloyd, the existential torture having strained the very fabric of reality in his mind. As he stared around the training equipment he felt lost in a sea of memories, adrift in some sort of past life. The murals on the walls reminded Lloyd of every major conflict he had ever faced, and chilling flashbacks began rushing through his brain. The devastation caused by the Great Devourer, his brutal confrontations with the Overlord, images of an orange djinn that he could not remember. Through the many battles they had all fought, and among the countless times Lloyd had helped saved the Realm, there were three moments that stuck with him the most.
His father's sacrifice was the start of it all, the very beginning of Lloyd's constant anguish and sorrow. It had taken all of the strength he could muster to say goodbye to the man he loved, and it had left him feeling despondent and aimless in the months after. That grief had never really gone away, only further exacerbated by later events. Morro's possession was the single worst experience of his life, fueling an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and futility that still haunted Lloyd to this day. His spat with the vengeful Master of Wind had also had lasting consequences, for it marked the final time he would ever truly see his father.
And of course, everything had just magically come together thanks to the Sons of Garmadon. It was the perfect catastrophe, forever tarnishing his father's name while simultaneously breaking his heart in two. The murals showed the absolute darkest of days, the most terrifying of moments that had led the young ninja to attempt suicide on multiple occasions. But none of that seemed to matter now, because Lloyd finally had the one thing he had ever desired.
Harumi felt an irreparable wave of shame and embarrassment as she gazed at the pair of intricate paintings. She alone was responsible for the constant agony and trauma he felt, and that guilt was something she would have to live with forever. It was a sickening feeling, and one her partner would never be able to understand. Lloyd had already forgiven her, done it so quickly and easily that it bordered on indifference. It just came so naturally to him, for he practically radiated with unending warmth and kindness. It was not in Harumi's nature to be so accepting and trusting, leaving her in a rather ironic state of discontent. She could not forgive herself.
"I'm sorry." Harumi whispered solemnly, saying it more for herself than Lloyd. He continued staring at the paintings, but a wry grin was slowly forming. Lloyd found it extremely odd, almost humorous in fact, that she so seemed incapable of moving past her mistakes. I think I know what's holding her back. he thought suddenly, curious to learn if this was actually the thing preventing her from reaching her True Potential. Lloyd shook the thought from his mind, for Harumi had quite a ways to go before they could even consider that a possibility. Clearly that's getting a bit ahead of myself, I mean I haven't even started training her yet!
"I know." he answered quietly, before turning to her with a wide smile across his face. "Come on then, stop moping Rumi! I thought you wanted to steal some clothes!" Lloyd said happily, suddenly grabbing her hand and starting to drag her into the building. Harumi giggled in delight, as the idea of thrifting through the ninja's old uniforms was very exciting to her. He always knew how to cheer her up, and all her worries vanished as they burst into Lloyd's old room.
"It looks like my bedroom was ransacked." he said slyly, turning to Harumi with a knowing look. It was a rather interesting parallel to their first meeting, as Lloyd had gone after the princess after finding her quarters in a state of disarray. In that case it had been a false alarm, as she had simply left her room extremely messy, but this time it was literal. His bed was still missing, and many of his things had been unceremoniously knocked over when she had broken in.
"Yes, I can be quite a slob." Harumi said in response. "Thank you for noticing." Lloyd smiled warmly, thinking back to the fond memory of their first date. It had been a far simpler time, one in which the Green Ninja had become utterly infatuated with the Jade Princess. Very little had changed in that regard, but in the past year their relationship had been strained and tested at times. Harumi had been blind to her own feelings and emotions, and then Lloyd had tried to bury his. And yet here they were, the Golden Ninja and the Master of Dreams. They had come so far since that night, both of them now reflecting a far more mature but thoughtful outlook on the world.
Lloyd walked over to his closet, but he found the door ajar. He turned back to Harumi, his expression somewhere between perplexed and worried. "Did you go through my clothes already?" he asked, unsure of why that would have been necessary. She shook her head fervently, just as confused as he was. Oh, Wu must have come looking here for my Stone Armor. he remembered, as both Jay and Cole had been sporting their original armored Techno Gis.
"I think my uncle might have been looking for my Stone Armor." Lloyd said nonchalantly as he opened the door fully. Nothing was missing or unaccounted for, so that explanation seemed to match up. Harumi looked puzzled at the statement, and he quickly clarified what that meant. Lloyd sometimes forgot that she was out of the loop in terms of general ninja knowledge, and so a lot of things that seemed commonplace or ordinary to him were a mystery to her.
"The Stone Warrior Armor was forged by the Overlord thousands of years ago when he was fighting against my grandfather, the First Spinjitzu Master." Lloyd began, speaking in a slow and measured tone. "The armor is the only thing capable of blocking the Golden Power, and we each used them in our last battle with him. Zane's suit was destroyed and I got rid of my set, but Master Wu must have been looking for it anyway."
Harumi nodded hesitantly; she was not entirely sure what all of that meant but still felt a bit better informed. "You've got quite the collection." she mused, somewhat surprised by the sheer number of ninja gis Lloyd had worn over the years. They were all neatly sorted chronologically, in ascending order from oldest to newest.
"So I take it this was your first suit?" Harumi asked, pointing at the Zen eXtreme armor at the far left. Lloyd nodded, reaching up to move the suit into better view. "Yup, although, this and my green Kimono Robes aren't actually original suits. My first Green Ninja gi was lost when I got the Kimono Robes at the Temple of Light, and then that suit turned gold when I unlocked my True Potential."
"Are those the only replicas?" she questioned. Lloyd scanned through the closest, just to double check, but he was pretty sure of the answer. "Yeah, I think every other one here is authentic. This is my original Techno Gi; it's still my favorite suit to this day. You can see I chose to replicate that design with the new golden one." he said, pointing out the suit he had created during his misguided attack on Ninjago.
"I was wondering how you got that new outfit." Harumi admitted. "I don't think you had enough time to sew a whole costume together." Lloyd laughed at the remark, as it reminded him of the time he had rallied the boys at Darkley's Boarding School to fight the Bizarro Ninja. Actually, I should probably stop by and steal some of their sewing supplies on the way back. Lloyd thought, suddenly remembering that the school had been shut down a few years ago.
"Well I can actually sew, but yeah, I just used the Oni powers of shapeshifting to give myself the new suit. Ooh, these two are from when I competed in the Tournament of Elements." he cried excitedly, slickly changing the subject to avoid any unpleasant thoughts. "I placed second, but the entire competition was a farce to begin with. Great suits though. After that whole debacle I got this set of Deepstone Armor… which was also when Morro possessed me."
A chill ran down his spine, his muscles tensing at the thought. Those few weeks had been a living hell for Lloyd, as he was fully conscious and aware of the actions his body was committing. It was like a state of purgatory, for he knew exactly what he was doing but could do nothing about it. It left Lloyd with a claustrophobic fear of being trapped, something that he still dealt with on a daily basis.
Harumi was worried about him, concerned by the reaction he had had to the memory. This was now the second time he had mentioned Morro's possession to her, and it seemed to be an extremely sore subject for Lloyd. She wasn't entirely sure how to help him, which was most distressing thing for her. Harumi was still not sure who exactly Morro was or what being possessed truly entailed, so her only logical ploy could be one of distraction. "What's that one?" she asked, pointing towards the whirlwind emblazoned suit.
"Huh?" Lloyd said distantly, quickly shaking himself from the trance to try and answer the question. "Oh, those are my Destiny Robes, we all earned a set for mastering Airjitzu. Of course Nya didn't get hers until a few months after the rest of us, and I was still under Morro's control when I learned the martial art. You know, he probably would've gotten one of these too if he hadn't killed himself now that I think about it."
"Okay, Lloyd that's enough." Harumi barked, growing extremely impatient with his off-handed complaints and references. "Just tell me what happened between you and this guy, or stop bringing it up." Lloyd sighed with disappointment, but conceded the point. Yeah, she probably deserves an explanation.
"Okay." he said wearily, catching his breath a bit before starting the long-winded rant. "Morro was the last Elemental Master of Wind, the same person responsible for the attack on Stiix a few years back. He was my uncle's first student, and he became obsessed with being the Green Ninja. When the Golden Weapons didn't react for him like they later would for me, Morro was driven mad with envy. He died pretty soon after, but his spirit was sent to the Cursed Realm instead of the Departed Realm. Several decades later he would return to Ninjago, somehow escaping the Cursed Realm when my father was sent there."
"How did he escape?" she asked hesitantly, now fully invested into the tale of woe being spun before her. Lloyd shrugged slightly, for he had never been given a comprehensive explanation. "We still don't really know, although I suppose the most logical explanation would be that my father was the one who banished him there in the first place." he answered solemnly. Lloyd shook the thought from his mind, continuing with the explanation before Harumi had a chance to respond.
"Either way he came back as a ghost, and ghosts are capable of possessing anything. Morro chose to possess my body for weeks on end, begrudgingly using me as a host because he never learned Spinjitzu. It was probably also a bit of pettiness, but Morro let me go as soon as he found the Realm Crystal. With it he unleashed the Preeminent, which is the physical embodiment of the Cursed Realm, upon the City of Stiix. Fortunately Nya, the newly christened Water Ninja, was able to single-handedly drown it in the Endless Sea. Morro might have survived but he chose to finally accept his fate and die instead."
Harumi stood still, mulling over all the information she had just received. It was quite a lot to take in all at once, but she had really needed the context. Harumi was one step closer to truly understanding him as a person, and that was not something she trivialized. "Does that mean Morro redeemed himself, or did he not just want to be a part of your team?" she finally asked, drawing a bit of a chuckle from Lloyd.
"Probably a bit of both honestly. We met him again on the Day of the Departed, which was also when we started wearing the Honor Robes." he stated quickly, segueing away to the topic he preferred talking about. Harumi's eyes narrowed, and she was not falling for the distraction. The flashy suits had become second to her in that moment, significantly outweighed by how much she just needed to get to know him.
"Seemingly Morro has made amends with Master Wu, but I can't help but feel resentful towards him." Lloyd added quickly. "The experience of being possessed was probably the darkest moment of my life, even more than your recent conquest of Ninjago City. I was literally used as a puppet for weeks, worked on like some sort of twisted marionette. In fact, I was actually diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of it, and if I'm being honest, I still get flashbacks from time to time."
Harumi nervously laughed, shuffling her feet in embarrassment. "Well it's nice to know that I'm not at the top of the list." she said halfheartedly, still gripped by an overwhelming sense of guilt. Lloyd smiled fondly, nodding in agreement but turning his attention back to his closet. "Let's see… yeah, I think the Fusion Armor is the last one here."
"What happened to your more recent suits? I kind of liked that first one, especially without all the armor." Harumi said, remembering back to the outfit he had donned when they first met. It was simple but elegant, far more aesthetically pleasing than the suit he had worn most recently.
"Oh, you mean my Resistance Robes? I simply built them into the first Hunted Robes by adding all that protective armor, so they were unfortunately lost when I burnt that suit. Kind of regret doing that honestly, especially since you apparently hated my casual clothing." Lloyd reached into his dresser and pulled out the plain tan and brown outfit, holding it up to help jog her memory.
"What was it you called me, a beggar in rags?" he prompted, drawing a very defensive reaction out of Harumi.
"It didn't look good on you!" she snapped angrily.
"Yeah well, it's not like what you're wearing is much better." Lloyd joked. He found her stubbornness in regards to fashion rather amusing, especially considered just how plain her outfit was right now. Seeing the furious expression on Harumi's face he wisely backed off, holding his hands up in surrender. "Hey, feel free to rummage through Nya's belongings if you want something more comfortable." he suggested, and it was an enticing offer.
"Regardless, which suit design do you like the most? They're all solid choices, although I tend to avoid the ones with too much armor."
"Well before I answer that, I must say that you should really ditch the new golden outfit Lloyd." Harumi said worriedly, concerned by the striking design choices he had made. His face lit up with anger and suspicion, and she quickly elaborated further. "I mean it's great and all, but unless you wish to endorse Destruction, you might want to choose a different one."
Lloyd looked down at the suit, suddenly remembering that the highlights were in fact a deep purple. "Touché." he admitted, reaching up to grab his original Techno Gi instead. "Wait…" she said, holding him back from picking his favorite suit. Lloyd looked over suddenly, not understanding why she could possibly have an issue with this one.
"Could you maybe go with the sleeveless one?" Harumi wondered, her face blushing a bit from the somewhat forward question.
"But it's getting cold out!" he whined, somewhat concerned that wearing the Tournament Robes would end up giving him frostbite. It was not his primary concern however, for Lloyd was still extremely insecure and not comfortable in his own skin. He had been able to wear the outfit with pride years earlier, but it was not something he could do anymore. Lloyd would not dress so freely when he was with his girlfriend, as it was a far different circumstance than fighting some strangers with Elemental Powers.
Harumi sighed, disappointed but not particularly surprised that he was still so shy. "Alright, fine." she said despondently. "Go ahead and wear your special Techno Gi then." There was a bitter edge to her voice, one that still managed to dissuade Lloyd from choosing his favorite suit. "You know, I think I'm going to wear my Airjitzu Suit instead." he said excitedly, thinking that it might work as a motivating factor for Harumi to latch onto when training. "You'll be getting one of these whenever you master Airjitzu, whether or not you like the style much."
Lloyd reached into the closet and started taking down the Destiny Robes, but his eyes widened with joy as he peered closer. "My fedora!" he cried happily, quickly pulling the hat out and dusting it off. "You can't be serious." Harumi stated blankly, looking at the hat as if it had some sort of communicable disease.
"Well I think it looks pretty dapper." Lloyd said shakily, trembling slightly as he hesitantly donning the green-striped fedora. Harumi was pleasantly surprised; she had to admit, it wasn't an awful look for him. Of course it does not match with that golden gi at all, but it could totally work with the other suit.
"Yeah, I'm taking this with me." Lloyd added quickly, setting it down with the suit he wished to bring along. "And either way, I think you'll like this one Rumi." he continued, pulling out a grey hoodie from his dresser. It was the same one she had given Lloyd on their first date, and she felt her eyes begin to water with tears.
"You kept it all this time?" she asked affectionately, overjoyed to see just how sentimental he could still be. Lloyd nodded slightly, although he was extremely uncomfortable with discussing just how much he had pined over Harumi in her absence. "It was one of the only things I had left to remember you by." he said quietly. She smiled warmly, reassured heavily by the remark. I'll probably never have to worry about him missing an anniversary.
"I still want to know which suit you like the most!" he interjected, switching the topic quickly as he was finding this conversation to be increasingly awkward.
"Oh! Yeah, right..." Harumi muttered sheepishly, slightly embarrassed that she had forgotten the entire reason they had come here in the first place. "Well, I still like those Resistance Robes the most, but I guess that might not be possible if yours are gone."
"Well I didn't say that." Lloyd answered, a sly smile crossing his face. "I may just have to steal a suit from one of the other ninja. Let's think, Jay's should work just nicely, and in fact I could probably take his Destiny Robes to make your set too."
"Why not just make them with your Golden Power?" Harumi asked quizzically, unsure of why he could possibly want to go through so much trouble. "Combining that with my Dreams could theoretically make anything we've ever wanted real, at least from what I've read anyway." Lloyd's face fell flat, and he slowly turned away from her. He was quickly lost again, consumed by the weight of another long-repressed memory.
"Something my father told me years back, when he was still good and alive." Lloyd replied distantly, his eyes glazed and unfocused. He could remember it all so vividly, as if it were only yesterday. The message had not gotten through to him at the time, for he had been far too naive and foolish. But Lloyd knew better now, and could finally appreciate the value in what his father had tried to teach him.
"We underestimate the importance of balance."
Yeah that was a really expository chapter, sorry about that. I wanted to include another scene with Nya at the end but I just got so carried away writing Llorumi fluff. You'll probably get more dialogue-heavy sections like this as the story progresses, so you should probably just get used to it I guess. I will note that my writing definitely tends to suffer if the scene in question is a super long conversation with very little action. So if the word choice I used seemed a little bland and repetitive after a while, that's probably why.