Dreams and Desires

Chapter 22

Trauma

*I own nothing and any similarities with any other works are purely coincidental.

"Jay?" Nya repeated softly, finding his continued silence extremely concerning. Whatever had taken place must have been extremely traumatizing to turn her normally chatty boyfriend, the joker with a mouth of lightning, into such a reserved and quiet man.

He shook his head and turned away, staring off at the wall with contempt. He didn't know what to say, for there was really no right answer. It was true that a growing resentment towards Lloyd had been festered inside of him, spurred on by how profoundly his absence was affecting Nya. He knew in his heart that there was nothing to worry about, but the jealousy was ensnaring, frantically trying to goad him into revealing the truth. It was so tempting, for doing so would probably help to insure his relationship with Nya, but he just couldn't bring himself to expose his former friend's true nature.

"Master Wu made us wear them as a precaution in case the Master of Dreams had succeeded in corrupting Lloyd." Jay said quietly, his voice distant and unfocused. The statement was completely accurate, although he was certainly leaving out some very important details. She accepted the explanation, suddenly remembering that Master Wu had in fact gone off to find the suits, but she could not shake the feeling that he was still holding back.

"And… did they succeed?" she asked nervously, praying desperately that Lloyd had returned from the abduction resembling the same kind and considerate person they adored. Jay's heart sank, for now there was no way to diffuse the situation without outright lying to her. He always wanted to be honest with his girlfriend but he also knew that the truth would break her heart. Jay never had to make the difficult choice however, as the perfect segue happened to stroll into the room at that very moment.

"Oh there you are Nya." Zane said suddenly, calmly walking over to join her next to Jay's hospital bed. The ninja smiled weakly towards him, feeling another twinge of pain shoot into his jaw. Despite how much their questions were stressing him out, he was immeasurably glad to know that his friends were here for him. After all, it was about the only thing helping him cope with the excruciating pain caused by Lloyd's betrayal.

"Did you tell him?" Zane asked bluntly. She nodded curtly, her attention fixed upon their wounded comrade. He sighed in resignation, before quickly composing himself and beginning the somewhat awkward interrogation.

"Jay, Nya Cole, and I cannot remember anything that occurred yesterday, and I believe that the same thing probably holds true for Kai as well." Zane began curtly, his tone overly formal and serious. "We aren't able to ask him right now because he's in critical condition, but are your memories still intact?"

Jay sat in shock, completely flabbergasted at the statement. This was it, the final nail in the metaphorical coffin that was his continued misery. He was truly alone, now the only person left in Ninjago who knew of Lloyd's darker side. To say that this put him in a difficult situation would be a massive understatement, for within his grasp was the ability to forever destroy the ninja's reputation. His confession would undoubtedly send shock waves through the Realm, but he wanted more than anything to expose the twisted monster that their leader had become. Jay knew who was responsible for Master Wu's untimely death, there was not a doubt in his mind that it had been caused by the same man who had hospitalized him. Wait a second…

Of course that assessment wasn't entirely true, and a wave of guilt flooded his system as he finally acknowledged what had really occurred the day before. It had been his shot of lightning that sent Lloyd falling off of Borg Tower, and it was entirely his choice to jump off in pursuit. All of the anger and resentment had blinded him to the truth, warping his mind into a state of foolish denial. His friend had never been fully corrupted, and Jay had simply missed all of the conflict within him. Oh my god, Lloyd tried to kill himself!

"Jay?" Zane asked worriedly, glancing at Nya as they shared a look of concern. He had called his name over and over, trying to no avail to get through to their morose friend. His eyes had been foggy and distant, slowly glazing over as he was lulled into a trance-like state of deep regret.

"Jay!" he repeated sharply, and the harsh tone was finally enough to bring him back to reality. Jay looked up suddenly, blinking as his eyes readjusted to the bright room. He had been completely out of it, experiencing a vivid flashback to the brutal fight that had sent his head spinning. "Sorry, what was the question?" he asked groggily, his expression a muddled mess of bewildered puzzlement. The uncontrollable vision had left him feeling discombobulated and scared, as the anguish was actively beginning to tug at his sanity.

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous." remarked a very tired and worn out voice. Nya and Zane turned at the sound, and they recoiled as they saw Janice standing in the doorway. She was getting fed up with their interruptions, and her arms were crossed in frustration. What, just because they're celebrities they think the rules don't apply to them?

"I'm sorry, we were just leaving doctor." Zane said sheepishly, quickly rushing past her into the hall. Nya sighed, giving Jay a halfhearted smile before trudging out with her head held low. She made sure to walk out about as slowly as possible, exacting a petty act of defiance upon the woman who was keeping them apart. Janice shut the door quickly, leaving the pair of ninja alone in the hallway.

"He's hiding something, I know it!" Nya snapped, pacing as the anger began to exude from her very being. She was shaking in rage, her body twitching with a repressed sense of fury. "It's not like him to be so quiet, and I don't like it! Oh, when I found out who's responsible for this, I swear to god they're gonna-"

"Nya, I think he may have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder." Zane said quietly. She stopped, slowly turning to face the calculated nindroid as the sense of melancholy defeat returned. Nya felt absolutely terrible, as she suddenly realized just how insensitive and short-sighted her worries had been. This wasn't Jay's fault, he couldn't control the demons that now plagued his very existence. People don't understand just how terrible mental illness is, for it can single-handedly destroy even the most successful and fortunate. Lloyd had come so very close to losing his own fight, and it was only with Harumi's help that he was starting to heal. The pressure of being a public figure had led him to hide his feelings, and that sense of disregard towards his own health had ultimately led Ninjago's golden boy to try and end his life on multiple occasions. Nya had always thought of herself as a compassionate and understanding person, but she had been oblivious to the true suffering of her friend.

She stood there for what seemed like eternity, solemnly examining her own failings and faults as an awkward silence drifted over the room. Zane waited patiently, letting her work through her feelings as his processors continued to work overtime to make sense of their world. Nya looked up after several minutes, and took a series of deep breaths to calm her nerves. "We should probably go check on Cole, shouldn't we?"

"I think that would be wise." he agreed, and they took off for the hospital waiting room. It took little time to reach the area, as it was just down the hall, and she shoved the door open to find that it was very much how they left it, albeit with one major distinction. There was now a woman standing all alone in the center of the room, and Zane was very glad to see her.

"Pixal!" he cried, practically trampling over the other guests to meet his long-absent girlfriend. She smiled warmly, and Zane quickly wrapped her up in a tender hug. He quickly buried his face in her shoulder, subconsciously averting his eyes due to a brimming sense of embarrassment. His emotions were illogical and irrational, causing his calculated processors to bury them for what they considered to be the greater good. But despite all of his stoic resolve, deep down Zane knew that he needed just as much support as his friends did.

"I've missed you." he whispered, only now realizing just how much her leave had truly been weighing on him. Nya sauntered over, rolling her eyes as the pair of nindroids showed their most human feelings. She was not inherently against public displays of affection, but in this case it bothered her. There was a deep-rooted sense of envy snaking its way into her mind, caused by the crushing fact that Jay wasn't able to be there with her. He was alive and recovering, and while Nya was eternally grateful for that, there was still a part of her that longed for that level of intimacy.

"You're a sight for sore eyes Pix." she said placidly, her voice somewhere between relaxed and reassured. They pulled back from the embrace and Pixal quickly turned to address her close friend. She had not noticed Nya's arrival, and even though the water ninja obviously did not carry any resentment over that fact, it nonetheless left her with a misplaced sense of shame.

"Nya! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you come in." Pixal pleaded apologetically, to which Nya simply scoffed at. "It's fine Pix, I understand." she said quickly, slightly surprised that the line of thought had even crossed her mind. It made sense that her relationship with Zane would always come first, and Nya had always respected that fact. She considered her own bond with Jay to fall under a similar state of importance, so this was not really a foreign concept to her.

"So… are you planning on sticking around or is this just a short visit?" Nya asked apprehensively, for she had been wondering whether their important duties and responsibilities were still a priority to the amicable android.

"Well Ninjago's criminals are not going to arrest themselves, and I think it's more important for me to continue acting as Samurai X considering how half the team is out of action." she mumbled, looking over at Zane as a wave of guilt washed over her. He understood the argument, and it was clearly the more logical course of action given their strenuous circumstances, but his expression showed signs of immense disappointment. It went against his programming and was contrary to every sense of rational thinking that consumed his soul, as he was not meant to act selfishly. But Zane could not help himself in this case, his own needs were simply outweighing the greater good in his mind.

"Please stay." he said quietly, his voice shaky and hesitant. His lip was trembling slightly, and she could see the sorrow in his face. There was a heavy strain to his expression, reflected just how much Zane was repressing his own grief. He was far more hopeless and miserable than ever before, and Pixal felt her heart melt away as she gazed into his icy blue eyes.

"I will." she agreed, her voice soft and comforting. His eyes widened in surprise as a feeling of pure joy overwhelmed his systems, and in his euphoria he pulled her in for a kiss. Their lips met in a fiery dance of passion, an explosive moment of shared affection that shocked them both. It had been an impulse on Zane's part, spurred on by some sort of primal sense of lust and yearning. Pixal had never felt such an intense flood of emotions, but any fear and concern was quickly washed away by an almost giddy sense of delight. There was simply nothing in this world that could compare to how alive she felt when she was with Zane.

Despite her slight feelings of envy, Nya was still happy for them, and she quickly ducked away to give the couple some space. She scanned the room, and spotted Cole now sitting alone in the far corner. Their relationship had been a rocky one over the years, but he did not hold any resentment towards her, and they were now on relatively good terms. "How are you doing?" she asked tentatively, moving to sit down next to her passive friend.

"I can't believe he's gone." Cole muttered, blankly staring at the ground in sadness. It just didn't seem real, especially considering how Wu was part Oni and Dragon. For him to go so suddenly was unexpected, and he was beginning to wonder if this was all some sort of cruel joke. There had to be some powerful force toying with them, for he could not otherwise explain how their team had been so tactically maimed. It seemed so intentional and precise, as if everything had been cherry-picked to cause the most pain possible.

"I mean, who could possibly have done this, and more importantly, why?" Cole wondered, finally looking up from the ground and facing his companion. Nya shrugged, for she really had no clue who was really responsible for their pain. Her face was nonetheless determined and confident, as she intended to inspire him to action.

"I don't know, but we're going to find them." she said eagerly, a wicked grin crossing her face. The sinister undertones went unnoticed, as he could only see an uplifting sense of assurance and courage. It wasn't a feeling that she could fully comprehend at the time either, but dark thoughts were brimming beneath the surface. Nya wanted the Master of Dreams to pay, and locking them away in Kryptarium Prison wasn't quite what she had in mind.

Not only will they die for what they've done, but I'm going to enjoy gutting them!

The disgustingly evil concept did not escape her head, as any lingering desire for vengeance was still being held back. She was unknowingly holding up a facade, displaying a caring and sincere smile that put him completely at ease. But internally she was awash with a conflicted fury; there was a burning and fiery passion seeking to consume her very soul. It was almost humorous, albeit in a sadistic and rather cynical way. Harumi had been wholly corrupted by her grief, transforming her into a cutthroat and heartless person. That same anguish had infected Lloyd, and now it was beginning to take a hold of Nya. Every action has a consequence.

The light was slowly fading away, leaving behind a burnt amber hue to shine through the golden constructs. Harumi had spent the day trying out the new training course, and while the experience had been exhilarating and exciting, it now left her with a lingering sense of inferiority. She sat slumped against the Celestial Clock, feeling far more tired and discouraged than ever before.

"I didn't make any progress today." Harumi muttered resentfully, staring out at the raging ocean with contempt. Lloyd said nothing in response, for he knew from experience that trying to directly argue the point would only irritate her further. He had never been the best at dealing with emotions, especially since he tended to ignore his own, but in this case he could kind of tell that she needed to vent.

"I mean I don't feel closer to learning Spinjitzu, and it's just so frustrating!" Harumi cried, throwing her hands out in anger. Lloyd kept his mouth shut, silently pondering the comment for what felt like an eternity. Normally he would have responded with some sort of reassuring statement about how it was okay to not get it right on the first try, but her inability to perform the martial art was not the thing that worried him.

"You shouldn't beat yourself up so much." he said quietly, turning to face her with a rather tense expression. Lloyd was quite the expert when it came to being self-conscious and insecure, so it really scared him to see those traits beginning to manifest in her. It was in sharp contrast to the status of their relationship when they first met, as Harumi had been self-assure and brimming with confidence. The paradigm had shifted drastically in that year, and although he was by no means healed, her issues were finally beginning to outshine his constant trauma.

"Yes I should!" she snapped, causing him to jump back in surprise. Her expression softened quickly, instantly melding itself into a wistful look of misery. "I'm not good enough, and I don't deserve to have you." Harumi turned away, avoiding his gaze as tears began to form in her eyes. Lloyd was shocked by the words, for they had cut into him with an almost chilling precision. It was so sudden and stinging, as if a metaphorical knife had been slashed at his heart. In reality it was nothing compared to the horrific heartbreak he had suffered over the years, but his feelings were hurt nonetheless.

"Rumi, don't say things like that." he whispered, his voice shaky and strained. Lloyd knew that she was having some trouble reconciling with her guilt and shame, but he was appalled by just how bad it appeared to be. He was completely sure of it now, that crushing regret was the single thing holding her back. Unlocking one's True Potential is no easy feat, for no amount of physical training or discipline will help. It can only be achieved by overcoming emotional obstacles, and through conquering the most deep-rooted feelings of fear.

"I've caused you so much pain, and yet you're still giving up everything to be with me." she said softly, sadly staring down at the ground. It didn't make sense to her, for she had never understood how Lloyd could be so naturally forgiving and kind. It was abnormal and bizarre, for the majority of people in the world were not so pure. "You've left behind all of your friends and family, all for some common criminal."

Lloyd's eyes snapped up at the remark, he was quickly growing tired of this impromptu pity party. "You're anything but common Rumi." he said assuredly, reaching up to gently caress her face. Her sadness melted away at the loving gesture, and she slowly leaned herself up against his shoulder. They laid back in silence, gazing out at the tantalizing sunset as he gently stroked her hair. It was magical, for the world had generously offered the couple a rare moment of peace and quiet. There were no distractions, nothing that could possibly interrupt the harmony and balance. Lloyd had never been more alone, but he could not remember a time when he felt so happy. He didn't need anything else, for simply being with the woman he loved was all he had ever desired.

"Lloyd?" she asked, finally breaking the spell and rousing him from his thoughts.

"Yes?" he murmured, not particularly bothered by the impending query. His attention was stuck on the sky, and his eyes were hazy as they continued to take in the hypnotic beauty of the sight. The colors were mystifying, a gorgeous pairing of orange and pink that refracted unevenly across the somewhat choppy sea. No rain was affecting the Dark Island at the moment, but a large number of cumulonimbus clouds were ominously looming in the distance. Lloyd's eyes widened in surprise as he spotted a flash of green lightning, an extraordinarily rare weather phenomenon few are ever lucky enough to witness.

"Do you ever want to see your friends again?" Harumi wondered nervously. His affection had calmed her down, but she was still unsure of just how committed he was to their relationship. While she wanted nothing more than to have him all to herself, forcing him to give up everything else in his life just wasn't fair. He sighed, finally looking away from the enticing view and twisting his body around to stare directly into her eyes.

"No." Lloyd stated blankly, displaying a sincere level of confidence that surprised them both. "You're the only thing I care about, and besides, if you wiped all of their memories they probably think I'm dead anyway."

Harumi felt her cheeks turn bright red, she was always astounded by how caring he could be. Her mind was somewhat conflicted however, for she was also blushing out of embarrassment. There was a glaring discrepancy in his statement, as there was a lingering danger still at large. It wasn't something Harumi had intentionally hidden, but she had unconsciously pushed the thought from her mind.

"That's not exactly true." she mumbled, averting her eyes out of a growing fear. He was not going to take the news very well, it was so clear to her that his reaction might as well have been an inevitability. "I may have missed one of the ninja."

"I'm sorry?"

Nya was quietly weeping, solemnly holding her head in her hands in defeat. Her surroundings were completely shrouded in darkness, the shadows only fought by a pale glow emanating from the windows. It was far past closing time, but she could not bring herself to leave. Flouting the hospital rules was quickly becoming one of her only tangible pastimes, although Nya was obviously not doing it to be defiant. It was not an act of civil disobedience, simply a consequence of her increasingly fragile mental state.

It was all so sudden, as if their team had been completely ripped apart in a mere instant. Lloyd's disappearance had certainly been weighing on her before, but that feeling was nothing to the bleak misery that now enveloped her very being. Cole had somehow lost his Elemental Powers, Kai was being treated for extensive internal injuries, Jay was still bedridden, Master Wu had actually died, and Lloyd, who presumably had injuries of similar severity to her boyfriend, had gone missing yet again. She and Zane were the only two who had escaped the desolation unscathed, which left her with an endless amount of survivor's guilt.

It wasn't her fault, for none of this would have even occurred without Harumi's interference in the first place, but it seemed apparent that had she been there to face Lloyd, much would have been different. And that was what hurt the most, that her role had been chosen by a single game of chance. Nya had been given an unfavorable assignment, but that simple choice now left her with a contradictory mix of relief and regret. The journey to Kryptarium Prison may have spared her from any physical pain, but in its place was a heart-wrenching level of grief and mental trauma. A day's worth of memories had been wiped away with a single wave from Harumi, and with them went any confirmation she had gotten about Lloyd's health. Of course Nya was also blissfully unaware of his previous corruption and his rekindled love, but just knowing that he was alive was the only thing she really wanted.

Her eyes shot up, immediately alert and wary as she heard a faint noise in the distance. She rose slowly from her seat, listening intently for the source of the remote commotion. Nya glanced around the room, trying to locate the sound before her mind locked on to the correct path. Her senses were heightened through years of training as a ninja, and she slowly pushed the door to the hallway. It was the same wing of the hospital where Jay was being treated, and that proximity increased her fear tenfold when she thought she picked up on a hushed whisper in the distance.

"Is someone there?" Nya called loudly, although she didn't come off sounding as confident as she would have hoped. The noises stopped suddenly, once more filling the hospital with an eerie silence. Okay, so it's probably not just a late worker or something. she thought, now wondering why someone would possibly want to break into a hospital. Her attention was soon diverted from speculation as she saw a shadowy figure quickly moving down the hall, and in response Nya sent a burst of water at the intruder. She gasped in shock as a glowing shield appeared to block the attack, illuminating the room with a bright shade of green light. The man was smiling coyly, almost taunting her from underneath the gray hoodie he wore.

"Hey Nya."

So it did take me over 20 chapters to add Pixal, which I do apologize for. I couldn't find a place for her at the start of the story, and so that just kind of carried through until now. I think I found the perfect alibi though, as having her off fighting crime is also a good way to explain why the stuff I set up about criminals looking to take advantage of Lloyd's absence never came to fruition.

Also, if some of you guys feel that these past two chapters have been cut off at weird points, you're not wrong. I originally intended to carry Chapter 21 through until that moment with Nya and Cole, but I just decided to post what I had finished. Including that entire hospital scene would have pushed that chapter past 6,000 words, and I didn't feel like doing that. A similar thing happened here, I wanted to further expand the conversation between Lloyd and Harumi and I wanted the complete follow up with Nya but I left it more ambiguously. Hopefully I'll be able to balance it a bit out better with the next chapter, but I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you.