Dreams and Desires
Chapter 28
Loyalties
*I own nothing and any similarities with any other works are purely coincidental.
Nya touched down on the beach, releasing her dragon and landing softly upon the coarse sand. From a distance she had spotted where the small settlement had been built, but her energy was far too sapped by the exhausting journey and she could not muster the strength to fly up the face of the mountain. Fortunately a golden walkway had been laid out before her, creating an extremely convenient path leading straight to her target destination. She trudged up the bridge, awash with both a vengeful fury and growing anxiety. That anger was the thing driving her forward, but at the same time she was very afraid of what she might find.
It didn't take very long for Nya to reach the top of the summit, and she was indeed taken aback by the startling sight. A similarly golden training course had been constructed in the center of the cliff face, and while that was certainly surprising enough on its own, the fact that it was an exact replica of the one in the Monastery courtyard really put her on edge. She managed to push back the mounting wave of accusatory assumptions, but all appearances seemed to suggest that the Green Ninja was very much at home here.
"I think I have a secret admirer." Lloyd quipped, smiling with a cheeky grin as her face flushed with emotion. Nya whipped her head towards his familiar voice, turning to find that he was just casually leaning up against the rusted old clock. His arms were crossed behind his head as he looked at her curiously; his legs were laid out on the ground, stacked over one another in a strangely jaunty manner. His general disposition was extremely unsettling, as he was once again acting more carefree and relaxed than ever before. His green eyes were still glowing with energy and radiating kindness, but even so she couldn't shake the worry from her mind.
"Why the hell are you here right now?" she screamed, her voice fueled by a swarm of conflicted emotions. There was a deep-rooted sense of sadness in her face, but her eyes were conversely filled with a fiery rage. His continued absence could no longer be explained away by the acts of others, and she felt utterly betrayed by his seemingly feigned happiness. Everyone else was grieving because of what he had done, and yet he was still acting like nothing had happened.
The smile disappeared from his face in an instant, as any semblance of joy in his mind was quickly eradicated by her rather blunt tone. So much for first impressions. Lloyd thought sadly, disappointed to find that his thinly-veiled attempt at light humor had once again backfired. The tactic seemed to be completely ineffective with her, and he made a mental note to always treat things more seriously with Nya going forward. He sat up slowly, frowning slightly as he pondered her rather direct question. She had seen no point in beating around the bush or delaying the expected interrogation, which was a problem because it honestly wasn't a topic he was entirely prepared for.
"The Master of Dreams isn't a bad person." he replied softly, fixing his gaze on the ground to avoid her icy glare. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Harumi slowly creaking the door open, staring at him with what he only assumed was a sense of overprotective curiosity. He sighed morosely; he was not particularly surprised to find her watching him like a hawk, but it was disappointing all the same. His mind became befuddled with a general lack of surety and he quickly looked away towards the churning sea. On certain occasions he found the odd bit of solace from the seaside view, as he was strangely entranced by the familiar sense of chaos and uncertainty in those choppy waters.
Nya felt her face soften slightly as she saw his misery shining through the facade, and her anger was soon overshadowed by fear. Pure, unadulterated dread flooded her mind. He was clearly not the same man as before, but what scared her more was just how difficult it was to notice. His thoughts were clouded and obscured, his mind a confusing mess that was consistently difficult to unravel. One moment he was making fun of his constant demons, the next he was on the verge of tears. She began to move towards him, and he tensed up as she sat down next to him.
"What have they done to you?" Nya pleaded, practically begging for an explanation. Lloyd kept his mouth shut, refusing to meet her gaze as he silently worked through the pressing debacle. His eyes were filled with haunting regret, and although he detested having to do turn away his best friend, he would not throw Harumi under the bus. He would try to mask much of the truth to the best of his ability, but he refused to disgrace her for the sake of salvaging this friendship. I know where my loyalties lie.
"Nya, I'm here of my own free will." he answered quietly, before abruptly standing up and backing away in frustration. "I am not being held captive, and nobody is manipulating me." His expression was vacant, devoid of any stark or distinctive emotion. Conflict was brewing beneath the surface, but his mind was completely made up. There was no getting around it, and he would not put off this parting of ways any longer.
"Well… I miss you!" Nya stated firmly, standing up in turn to meet his repressed angst with equal determination. "Lloyd, I care about you, and so does everyone else." He shook his head in resignation, scoffing in disbelief at the comforting affirmation. He knew in his heart that the other ninja really did care, but that truth only made things worse whenever he reflected upon the horrors of his past. They don't even know how much pain they've caused me.
"Yeah, well, some friend you've been." he muttered bitterly, his tone growing increasingly sharp and scathing. "Where were you when I needed you the most? Where were you when I tried to kill myself?!" The words had cut with chilling precision, sending a shiver down her spine and throwing a metaphorical dagger at her heart. She glanced down at the green vase in her hands, and then back at the battered blond who had given the gift to her. There was no joy left in his weary eyes, and she found it increasingly difficult to connect him with the person he had been before the abduction.
"I… I'm sorry." she whispered, lowering her head in shame. "I should have been there for you, and I just want to understand what you're going through." They had all been blind to his everlasting anguish, leaving him to helplessly wallow in self-pity for months on end. Despair and desperation had effectively consumed his soul, and while Harumi may have been the more direct contributor to his lasting depression, none of the ninja had done him any favors.
"It doesn't matter." Lloyd murmured, once again turning away and gazing out across the ocean. "I don't want to see you anymore." He felt absolutely terrible about having to cast her aside, but it seemed to be a rather unfortunate inevitability. It would be so much easier to run, but his friends were never going to be so easily deterred. He was fervently scolding himself for his actions at the hospital, as his kindness had evidently jeopardized their safety. He could no longer hope to completely disappear from the world, so he was begrudgingly facing his fears and telling her the truth.
"Why?" Nya cried wistfully, on the verge of a mental breakdown as he continued to try her patience. "What does this goddamn Master of Dreams have that I don't?"
"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?" She turned suddenly towards the rather arrogant voice, but Lloyd already knew who was sauntering over. His attempt to reason with her had not gone smoothly so far, but he nonetheless would have liked more time to resolve matters peacefully. And yet, even though he saw no way in which her unexpected arrival would end well for any of them, there was a small part of him that was curious to see how they would fight. And it's not like I want to get in the middle of two teenage girls.
Nya screamed with rage, foolishly taking the bait and spinning at the obvious target with a head full of steam. Harumi smirked, choosing to side-step at the very last moment and forcing her romantic rival to collide headfirst with the golden training equipment. She toppled to the ground in a dizzy mess, momentarily stunned and feeling slightly lightheaded. The ninja had completely missed this key detail in her blinding rage, but her adversary possessed the stolen Sword of Sanctuary. Its powers of precognition were unrivaled on the field of battle, and in reality the fight had been lost before it even began.
"How curious." Harumi sneered gloatingly, leaning over her limp body with an air of boredom. "I have no quarrel with you, and yet you still chose to attack me with no hesitation." Nya seethed with rage, fuming with anger and desperately trying to steady her breathing. They seemed to be an obnoxious and condescending jackass, but that only played into their conniving and manipulative nature. And there was something off about their voice too, for she found a strange semblance of familiarity that made her skin crawl. It was nothing more than a funny feeling, some sort of hunch or subconscious instinct that she could not place. She looked quizzically at the veiled vagabond, and she slowly began lifting her arms into a fighting stance.
"Oh, I wouldn't try anything if I were you." Harumi added gleefully, quickly putting the sword to her neck and stopping any successive strikes. Her eyes narrowed, shooting like daggers as she glared with malcontent, but Nya wisely fell back to the ground in defeat. The ambiguous threat made Lloyd feel extremely uneasy, for he did not truly wish ill upon her or anyone else. Out of concern for his friend he quickly walked over to her side, his face filled with conflicted doubt.
"Come on, I think that's a bit excessive." he whispered, looking down at her helpless figure with apprehensive dread. "She doesn't know what she's doing, please let her go." Harumi never liked giving up control of a situation, but she slowly nodded in agreement.
"Fine." she replied angrily, gritting her teeth in annoyance. "Do you yield?" Nya's gaze darted back and forth between the pair, finding herself utterly baffled by their unclear relationship. His undying loyalty had been entrusted in this pretentious trickster and she could not even begin to ascertain why. Theatrics and parlor tricks notwithstanding they genuinely appeared to be a merciful person, at least to a certain extent. Whether or not that was simply Lloyd's influence remained to be seen, but she didn't push the issue and chose to accept the peaceful resolution without complaint.
"It doesn't look like I have much of a choice." Nya answered quietly, nodding her head with disdain. Harumi retracted the sword, quickly bringing it to her side and helping the dazed ninja to her feet. Lloyd breathed a heavy sigh of relief, very glad to see that the two most important people in his life weren't actively trying to kill each other anymore. I wonder how long that'll last.
"Splendid." Harumi affirmed curtly, feigning a smile under the mask to keep up appearances. "But know that if you should be foolish enough to strike me again, I would not hesitate to imprison you with your pathetic boyfriend." Nya felt her eyes widen with surprise, and it took every single bit of her self-control to not throw a punch at the obnoxious stranger. She bit her lip to stop herself from saying something rash, but her hands began to shake with rage.
"I'm afraid Mr. Walker is resting at the moment, but if you'd like to make an appointment…" Harumi offered gloatingly, trying her very best to goad her into throwing the first punch. Lloyd's puzzling pursuit for peace was not without merit, but at the same time she detested acting like a stiff diplomat. Politics bored her and, while she had no trouble lying through her teeth, it just wasn't fun without a little bit of chaos. So she was giving her new adversary the runaround, spurred on by a misplaced sense of jealousy that lingered in the back of her mind.
"Forget it." Nya seethed, her voice dripping with venom as she stormed off in a huff. She was stubborn to a fault, and her fierce emotions were frequently blinding. But she was also clever, and that being said she had already figured out that Jay was being held in the rundown shack. Lloyd watched her go with a slightly concerned expression and he was extremely surprised when the usual cyan beam he expected never came.
"Should, should we let Nya talk to him?" Lloyd asked worriedly, unsure of just how much freedom she should be given. Harumi shrugged, pulling back the hood and letting her hair down before turning back to him.
"You were the one who wanted me to play nice, and besides, she can't let him out without the key." she said mischievously, producing the object from her pockets with a wry grin. She was always thinking several steps ahead, and that level of constant forethought was extremely reassuring to him. Lloyd nodded quietly, as he didn't really feel like arguing from an ethical standpoint or playing devil's advocate. It was despicably evil to keep him locked away like that, but the thought didn't even cross his mind. There was a far more important discussion they needed to have right now, because, as far as he saw it anyway, this was probably the best opportunity to escape that they were going to get.
Nya burst through the door, leaping over furniture and nearly tripping on the bedpost as she ran towards the vengestone cell. The sight of Jay's crumpled form was immediately heart-wrenching, and the simple fact that he was alive at all did little to ease her nerves. His body was sporadically twitching and there was a line of sweat beading across his forehead. He shuddered in his sleep, mumbling deliriously as he spasmed with fear.
She scanned the familiar room for something that could help him, but found no obvious solution. The flat was nearly identical to how it had been when she was imprisoned here several days earlier, with the sewing tools being the only notable additions. The large stack of ninja uniforms caught her eye, and she found it extremely odd to see that a number of Jay's gis were mixed in with Lloyd's. She shook the brewing curiosity from her mind, choosing instead to focus upon her desperate search for the key to the cell.
"The bastard must have kept it on him." she muttered, and the sickening thought made her blood boil. Finding nothing else of use within the room, Nya resorted to borderline cruelty to free her panicked boyfriend from his troubled sleep. She slowly conjured a ball of ice water and threw it in his face. He wailed in pain, and she grimaced with regret as he was abruptly shaken awake. Jay blinked rapidly, his eyes stinging with rampant weariness as he desperately tried to adjust to the continually differing surroundings. Any doubt or frantic fear that he felt was suddenly washed away when he saw that it was his girlfriend who had woken him, and he immediately left to his feet with a silly grin on his tired face.
"Nya!" he cried excitedly, running towards the bars and smiling with delight. "How did you find me? Also where are we right now, I actually don't know." She chuckled quietly at the chillingly accurate statement, and quickly wrapped her arms around him. It was an extremely awkward hug due to the metal barrier, but neither of them cared in the slightest.
"It was difficult to do and I was forced to pay Lord Garmadon another visit, but I got here." she whispered, burying her head in his shoulder. Jay's face went white with fear, and he backed away with an extremely tense looking expression.
"Why did you have to see him?" he asked hesitantly, finding himself overwhelmed by a misplaced sense of fear. "I mean, how could he have possibly known where I was?" Nya shrugged, as it was not something she was entirely sure of herself.
"I honestly don't know but I think he has some sort of weird connection with Lloyd." she answered hesitantly, her face marred by muddled confusion. "Whatever it is led me to the Dark Island again, and I was actually here a few days ago too so-." Her voice cut off suddenly, as a swarm of painful memories came flooding back. It felt like a lifetime ago, and while none of them had found their first visit to be a particularly pleasant experience, Nya had had it the worst. She still got flashbacks to the episode from time to time and the horrible feeling of being corrupted by Dark Matter was more relevant than ever. Her own stint with villainy had been far more cut and dry than Lloyd's own internal struggle was, as her entire identity had been utterly eradicated. And it was even worse that he had taken refuge near the Celestial Clock of all things. That rusted relic had mercilessly forced Lloyd to fight his father in the Final Batlle, and it had scared her to see him treating that destructive machine with such nonchalance.
Jay was quiet, silently mulling over the reveal with an uncharacteristic level of placidity. At this point it didn't even surprise him, for the decision to set up camp here was pathologically logical and extremely cunning. As far as they knew the distant and largely uncharted continent was completely abandoned, making it one of the best hiding spots that didn't involve leaving the realm itself. No, there was another thing worrying him in that moment, and his face fell flat when he spotted the vase of flowers she held so dearly. His eyes narrowed with suspicion, and his mind began to sink with apprehensive worry.
"You didn't come here for me, did you?" he asked quietly, his tone suddenly somber and disappointed. "You're here for Lloyd." Nya sighed, quickly averting her eyes and lowering her head in shame.
"Yes." she whispered, nodding slightly with an air of dismay. "I'm really worried about him, even more so after our conversation outside." Jay perked up at the unintended confession, and his boundless curiosity quickly overshadowed the lingering resentment he felt.
"What did he say?" he asked quickly, his abrupt tone catching her slightly off guard. Nya was taken aback by the sudden query, but she was relieved to see that Jay wasn't going off on the more touchy line of questioning. He was incredibly insecure about their romantic relationship, and that level of constantly nagging fear could bring out a jealous rage in him. His mind jumped to outlandish conclusions like no others, and he was always quick to doubt himself. Seeing that side of him was something she dreaded and she was very glad to see that he was finally started to move past his ridiculous assumptions about their completely platonic relationship.
"Well, Lloyd didn't really give me a straight answer for anything." Nya answered solemnly, her voice grim and lacking any semblance of joy. "He defended the Master of Dreams at every turn, and he kept saying that he was here of his own free will. He also said that… that, he tried to kill himself." Her voice trailed off as she began to get teary-eyed, but her own feelings of haunting regret were ultimately inconsequential as she saw how Jay reacted. He sank to the ground almost immediately, staring off at the opposite wall with a wistful glint in his eyes.
"Jay?" Nya said worriedly, setting the vase down and sitting down beside the bars. "What happened at Borg Tower?" He let out a low sigh, filled with a gripping sadness and foreboding terror. It had been one of the darkest moments of his life, and it all came back to him so clearly. It seemed to be forever ingrained in his memory, and he frequently wondered if that vivid scene of insidious betrayal would ever truly go away. I will never forget what he did.
"It started off like any other normal conversation, but Lloyd was just luring us in." Jay muttered, his voice hollow and dull as he recounted the horrific memory. "He lashed out at Kai first, throwing a purple pike through his lungs after he made a stupid prince joke. Then he started choking Cole with telekinesis, and I was forced to attack him. Cole struck out with an Earth Punch and the combination broke his concentration. Kai was freed from his grasp but he quickly skewered me instead. Then he stole Cole's powers with some sort of Dark Magic, and I… I knocked him off the tower with my lightning."
Jay began to quietly weep, turning away and burying his head in his hands as the terrible guilt overwhelmed his senses. Nya was frozen, shell-shocked by the rapid burst of startling information. Knowing just how merciless Lloyd had been was heartbreaking, and it made everything she knew now so much more confusing. Of course he certainly wasn't acting that way anymore, but all of the anger must have come from somewhere. Their former friend had been warped and twisted by bitter grief, and discerning the root cause of his misery was practically impossible at this point. His wounds were far too deep and he never let them show, always choosing to leave his closest friends in the dark about his constant struggles with mental illness.
"He wouldn't save himself." she reasoned sadly, frowning with dismay as she peered through the bars. Jay slowly nodded his head, sniffling slightly at the depressing thought. There was still good in Lloyd's heart, but it was now tainted by muddled guilt and soul-crushing grief. He was like a riddle wrapped in an enigma, with every single detail more ambiguous than the last. Considering the tense circumstances neither of them could bring themselves to resent their fallen leader, but they both shared an insatiable thirst for understanding.
"I could have killed him." Jay whispered, still refusing to look her in the eye as he spoke. "I had to stop Lloyd from taking his own life and he still won't talk about it." Nya silently nodded in agreement, for she was equally frustrated with just how secretive he was being. She remained silent for a moment, collecting her thoughts and trying to think of a comforting thing she could say. But she couldn't help herself, the endless curiosity soon compelled her to inquire further.
"Did he say anything of note?" she asked hesitantly. The chances of Lloyd really opening up to Jay and not her seemed slim at best, but it was nonetheless a possibility she had to entertain. Jay shrugged indifferently, for he could not immediately recall any important details. His brow furrowed as he thought back to their conversation earlier in the day, and he really couldn't glean all that much from the brief encounter.
"Well, I found out that the kid can sew." he admitted, turning to face her with a puzzled expression. "I'm not really sure what he was doing with my uniforms but he was kind enough to fix my Techno Gi." Nya was extremely surprised by the revelation, for Lloyd had evidently chosen to hide those talents for as long as she had known him. He didn't truly trust any of them, and that was a very sobering thought. She shook the worries from mind, choosing to get up off the ground and walk over towards the makeshift sewing station. Upon examining his craftsmanship she found that only a single uniform had been tampered with so far, and the observation only gave her more questions.
"He was working on your Resistance Robes." Nya muttered offhandedly, her voice distracted and unfocused as she started rummaging through the stack of gis. Jay's Destiny Robes were also among the pile, as were his original black training robes. She set down the uniforms and proceeded to move around the room for an impromptu inspection. Lloyd's golden gi had been unceremoniously tossed aside, purposefully left in a state of tattered disrepair. His old fedora was on the coffee table, along with an unorganized pile of comic books. She couldn't make much sense of the internal inventory now forming in her mind, but just as she turned to talk to Jay again another outfit caught her eye.
"What the hell?" Nya muttered worriedly, snatching up the loose articles and staring at them in shock. "These are mine!" She looked over at Jay, holding up the set of casual clothing that definitely belonged to her. It was her look, a leather jacket worn over a white shirt with blue stripes, paired with a set of dark blue jeans. It was already bad enough that the partners in crime had been stealing their stuff in the first place, but now it was that much more personal.
"Maybe Lloyd's trying to get in touch with his feminine side?" Jay offered quickly, although he didn't seem very sure of himself. Nya looked at him like he had grown two heads. She had no clue what was giving him that impression, as he had never shown any interest in wearing women's clothing and always seemed comfortable with his gender identity.
"Well I don't know, it's about as valid as any other explanation." Jay retorted defensively, slightly annoyed by her skeptical glare. "Sewing isn't exactly the most masculine hobby out there, and I'm guessing he gave you those flowers, didn't he?" Her face turned bright red, as she glanced down at the set of flowers still held at her side. She hadn't thought much of the gift at the time, but flowers were a traditionally feminine interest.
"Well, yes, but… that doesn't make him a femboy!" Nya cried defensively, finding herself very uncomfortable with the current topic of conversation. Jay chuckled slightly, shaking his head as if to indicate that his point had already been made. He found it almost humorous that she was rejecting the concept with so much ferocity, as he thought it was painfully obvious. Lloyd had always been the most effeminate of the group, and in a way it seemed to almost subconsciously feed into his identity. Of course there wasn't anything wrong with that, but he was constantly ashamed of his more vulnerable nature due to the repressive societal norms that expected men to be the pillars of strength and never show any signs of weakness.
"Alright, I suppose it's a possibility." Nya admitted begrudgingly, although she still found it to be an unlikely scenario. "That still doesn't explain why he took all of your suits, and his attire today certainly didn't seem out of place." Jay's mind latched onto the second part of her statement, and in doing so he finally picked up on a somewhat subtle detail from earlier in the day.
"He's wearing that gray hoodie isn't he?" he asked breathlessly, his mind beginning to draw at strings and connect dots that weren't necessarily indicative of anything. Nya thought about it for a moment before nodding in agreement.
"It looks more like a faded white to me, but yeah." she said quickly, unsure of why the detail was particularly significant. "Why is that important?" Hoodies had always been a part of his civilian attire, and she had thought little of the choice considering how autumn was waning every day. It would have been much more of a red flag if she knew of its sentimental value, but he had never actually told any of them how he got the specific hoodie. It was just something he started wearing after they met Harumi, and they had no reason to think that it was connected to her in any way.
"Think about the colors Nya." Jay answered, suddenly wide-eyed and extremely excited as he started to develop a compelling conspiracy theory. "Lloyd was wearing a gray and blue hoodie over his Destiny Robes, which are primarily black. Clearly he's trying to hide the fact that he's the Green Ninja, so he must have been trying to use my suits to avoid identification. I obviously don't know what he was doing to my Resistance Robes, but I'm guessing he tried to modify the design to better fit his aesthetic preferences."
Nya was surprised by and quite impressed with his rather compelling reasoning. She couldn't find any holes in the argument, and his guess regarding the sewing choice was completely accurate. Upon giving it a second look she saw that Lloyd had in fact reformed the stitching, as the belt and general structure of the torso were now identical to his own ill-fated suit. She had to give him credit for the phenomenal attention to detail, especially considering how he had done it all from memory.
"Yeah, he was." Nya murmured, somewhat mystified by just how spot-on Jay's analysis appeared to be. "But that means he must have been planning to…" Her eyes went wide with horror, and she quickly set down the vase before turning around and running out the door. Her fears were indeed realized, as the cliff face was now completely deserted. She had lost sight of her primary goal, having wholly diverted her attention away from Lloyd to care for her boyfriend. Her boundless affection had been her undoing and she now realized that distraction had been his plan all along. It really shouldn't have surprised her at this point but losing him hurt so much more this time around.
"He ran away."
This was definitely one of the most difficult and time-consuming chapters I have written to date, as I was very conflicted about how to write the interactions between Nya and Lloyd. Plus the latter half of today's drama took me forever to finish since I'm still kind of figuring out how to write Jaya. It's extremely annoying because I have a pretty good grasp on both Jay and Nya as individual characters but for some reason I just struggle with their direct interactions. Maybe it's because of how much I focus on Lloyd, I don't know.