Dreams and Desires

Chapter 30

Confabulation

*I own nothing and any similarities with any other works are purely coincidental.

A shared sense of dread was in the air as the amicable android silently pondered the strangely meticulous confinement. His rather perplexed state of careful concentration left little room for idle chatter, and as such an eerie silence had drifted over the room. Cole and Pixal had moved to the nearby sofa and chair, respectively, while Nya stubbornly chose to lean up against the icy bars. Despite the fact that her persistent presence was impeding Zane's ability to accurately analyze the construction, she had simply refused to move. She was going to stay at Jay's side until he could be freed from the wretched cell.

Jay still felt stingingly cold, woefully worn out, and entirely alone in the world. And despite the gloomy circumstances, he was actually the least worried of them all. His carefree disposition was completely unwarranted, but then again, logical analysis had never been his forte. No, the scared joker was quite content with reading through some old issues of Starfarer and acting like he wasn't actually stuck in solitary confinement. He seemed to be in utter denial of the present danger, as if his brain had somehow forgotten how to be miserable. Jay had always been the cowardly comedian and in a way his incessant worrying would have been reassuring. Funnily enough it was almost more scary to see him act so calm than it was to see him having a panic attack.

Of course this wasn't the first time that his touch with reality had been jarred somewhat askew. Getting stranded in the Realm of Oni and Dragon had done a very similar thing, briefly rendering him completely unable to comprehend the immense danger they had found themselves in. This was not to the same extreme though and now numbing shock was not the only culprit. The somewhat worrying notion that Lloyd and his new partner in crime had stolen his entire collection of comic books had not gotten through to him yet, but it honestly wouldn't have made much of a difference. Lloyd's mental distress just wasn't on his mind; he was far too tired to care.

Conversely their disgraced leader was all Nya could think of, and that same sentiment was shared by the rest of the ninja. Naturally Zane was preoccupied with the varyingly vexing vengestone, but everyone else was silently clamoring to talk about it. It was a rather tense situation however, and it actually made a lot of sense to delay the discussion. At this point Zane had clearly become the de facto leader of the team, as his analytical mind was perfectly suited for relatively unbiased speculation. On top of that, the human members of the group were all pretty tired and proper rest really can be a weapon in life. But the awkward silence was absolutely agonizing to endure and they had literally nothing better to do.

"So… was Lloyd actually here when you arrived?" Cole asked hesitantly, turning towards Nya with a curious look in his eyes. Pixel followed suit, and the grieving girl soon found herself with a captive audience. She sighed quietly, slightly annoyed but not particularly surprised by their insatiable curiosity. It was a feeling she knew all too well and at some point she would be forced to fill them in. Fortunately anything she said now likely would not have to be repeated due to both of the nindroid's impeccable memory recall, so it made sense to oblige with their incessant queries.

"Yes, but he dodged every one of my questions." Nya muttered disdainfully, nodding her head slightly as a bitter frown crossed her face. "And then he ran off with the Master of Dreams." Her noticeably scathing tone quickly made everyone feel a little uneasy, although Pixal looked more confused than worried. She had been out of the loop for most of the earlier proceedings and even now she had only attained a superficial understanding of the debacle.

"That does not sound like something Lloyd would do." Pixal stated calmly, her voice dripping with relatively mellow naivety. Nya was struck with sudden annoyance, strangely finding herself fuming with her friend's expected ignorance. Her eyes shot up, piercing like daggers as she glared across the room.

"Well that's the whole point, he's not himself!" she cried angrily, her voice almost turning into a low growl as she struggled to contain her emotions. "I don't know what he's dealing with and he won't talk about it. At this point I'm starting to think that that Elemental Master succeeded in corrupting him."

"No, I don't think they did." Jay muttered softly, finally looking up from his comic books with a slightly concerned expression. His differing opinion instantly drew a set of skeptical gazes; Cole had a puzzled look on his face while Pixal seemed indifferently curious once again. But Nya was livid. She was staring at him incredulously and her face was awash with furious suspicion.

"Okay look, I don't know how he acted with you Nya, but I didn't see any evil left in him." he added defensively, somewhat bothered by her obvious doubt. "Sure, he's somewhat sad and mopey all the time, but claiming that he's been corrupted just isn't accurate. And frankly, he wasn't acting like himself before the abduction, I mean, literally nothing has changed here."

Nya was taken aback by his rather sharp tone, and with it the fury faded from her face. She had been telling herself that it was all the Master of Dream's fault, when in reality, nothing about this was simple. At this point they were nothing more than a scapegoat she used to downplay the much uglier truth: that they had all ignored his misery and in doing so had very nearly lost him forever. Lloyd had deep-rooted issues, terrible demons that were always buried beneath a mask of indifference. By playing devil's advocate Jay had stumbled upon the dark and elusive reality they tried so hard to deny.

"Alright, that's a fair point." Nya conceded begrudgingly, gritting her teeth slightly out of annoyance. "But that doesn't explain why he would turn to crime! I saw it with my own eyes, Lloyd has his Golden Powers back. He may not have been the one who robbed Borg Tower, but it's pretty clear to me that he was complicit with the theft."

"Lloyd said that they forced him to steal the armor and then pin the crime on Dareth." Jay countered nonchalantly, finally setting down the comic and giving this combative conversation his full attention. It seemed somewhat counter-intuitive to act as an apologist, but he felt strangely obligated to speak for the absent party in the face of Nya's enraged accusations.

"Why are you defending him so much?" she asked angrily, suddenly suspicious of his supportive stance. "He's the one who imprisoned you here and before that he put you in the hospital!" Their argument was rapidly escalating and that last jab was the thing that finally got under Jay's skin.

"Lloyd wasn't responsible for my injuries." he said quietly, his voice uncharacteristically distant and cold as he glared across the room. Pixal and Cole were both surprised by the emotionally charged tirade, and despite his unbreakable focus Zane was just as vexed. Jay and Nya never fought, and it was especially interesting to see that talking about Lloyd had gotten them both so heated.

"Uh… sorry to break up the fight but we have no idea what you're talking about." Cole said bluntly. His admission of confusion broke through their confrontational demeanors, and Nya immediately ducked out of the way to save face. She quickly leaned up against the adjacent wall and motioned for Jay to fill them in.

"Oh… right." Jay mumbled, sheepishly turning away and collecting his thoughts. They certainly deserved an explanation, but at the same time it was not a memory he wished to revisit. It was seared into his brain, which was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand being able to remember almost every detail of the encounter was extremely beneficial for their shared thirst for understanding, but being entrusted with such a tainted memory was also a burden.

"Well, for some reason the Master of Dreams never got around to erasing my memory." he whispered, his voice shaky and filled with wistful regret. "It's funny, how at the start we were all so excited to see him. When we got back from our search efforts Lloyd was on the news, calmly waiting for us at Borg Tower. At first he was quiet and distant, even more so than usual. I don't know if he was telling the whole truth, but he confessed to stealing the Golden Armor and he confirmed the abduction theory. Then it all went to hell."

"Kai jokingly called him a prince and Lloyd dropped the niceties, sending some purple spear through his lungs." Jay muttered, staring at the opposite wall and refusing to look at the other ninja. "And those eyes… those horrible red eyes that still haunt my dreams. The kind and quiet kid we all love was gone; the only thing left was the anger and pain. And it was like all of that grief had been scripted against us; his mind was twisted and warped beyond recognition."

He paused, taking a deep breath and shaking his head in resignation. It was heartbreaking enough just to be reminded of the tragedy, but having to give his firsthand account all over again was so much worse. This wasn't getting any easier; it took every bit of strength he had to push through the overwhelming sadness.

"The actual fight wasn't much to write home about." Jay said bitterly, begrudgingly continuing his soliloquy once he saw that no one was asking any questions. "Lloyd had us on the ropes but he kept getting cocky. I mean, he literally stole your powers Cole, and even with that advantage he just couldn't finish us off."

"What the hell?" Cole cried, shocked by the offhanded and nonchalant reveal. "So you're actually defending the twerp after he stole my powers? Not to mention the fact that he actively tried to kill us all?" Jay hadn't really been thinking about it that way, but mentioning that one detail finally gave Cole someone to target all of his bent up frustrations towards. Being left powerless while everyone else was able to fight normally was such a shameful form of torture, one far more nuanced and subtle than Lloyd had realized at the time. He had seen it as nothing more than a tactical battle advantage, but taking away Cole's element also had a rather nasty psychological impact. He had robbed him of much more than elemental powers; Earth was truly a part of his identity and without it he just felt lost.

"Okay, let's get something straight, shall we?" Jay snapped, briefly dropping the retrospective view and losing control of his emotions. "That Elemental Master seriously abused Lloyd, both mentally and physically. I could see scars on his arms and face, tons of cuts and wounds that were still fresh. He said that he was starved and dehydrated to the brink of death and he had the sickly complexion to back it up. I firmly believe that he was, and, at least to some extent, still is, mentally ill."

"Well, anyway, I caught Lloyd in a moment of weakness and hit him with a bolt of lightning." Jay whispered, almost whimpering as he reached the worst part of the cautionary tale. He didn't know it of course, but that had been one of the single most important decisions he had ever made. Everything that had occurred in the past few days hinged upon that one strike hitting its mark, and in all likelihood the world wouldn't be the same. For Lloyd losing the fight had been a blessing in disguise, but it had left Jay lost in a sea of guilt-ridden aimlessness.

"Lloyd fell off the tower, and I jumped after him." he continued, sinking to the floor and abashedly hiding his face from view. "He wouldn't save himself. When the opportunity presented itself Lloyd tried to die. The kid seriously wanted to take his own life, and we still don't know why."

An awkward silence drifted across the room, with Cole and Pixal both somewhat stunned by the horrific events that had unfolded at Borg Tower. Zane wasn't visibly bothered by the line of questioning, but his sensors had still picked up all of the background chatter and he understood the gravity of what had just been revealed. Logging the extremely crucial conversation for later, he concluded his scans and hesitantly turned his attention to the team.

"I do not wish to interrupt or impose, but I have finished analyzing the locking mechanism." Zane announced tensely, drawing conflicting looks of apprehensive dread and optimistic excitement. "Regrettably this cell structure does not match any of my records. Furthermore, the keyhole appears to be handcrafted and entirely unique. It may take me several hours to produce a suitable duplicate, so at this point I think the best course of action is to wait for Misako to arrive with the Destiny's Bounty."

They all nodded in agreement, not wanting to argue with the nindroid when it came to logical decision making. His mind truly worked like no other, and while his analytical skills made him irreplaceable and extremely valuable to any cause, at times they could be put off by his coolness under pressure. There was always a bit of cold indifference in him; a solitary semblance of emotional detachment that he would never be able to fully escape. Over the years Zane had grown far closer to understanding his friends and how their minds worked, but there was still a lingering disconnect in how they dealt with interpersonal relationships; this was especially apparent when it came to personal drama and touchy topics like death.

"Were you planning to continue debating Lloyd's inconsistent behavior and fragile mental state?" Zane asked hurriedly, somewhat perplexed by the sudden lack of enthusiasm for talking. "If so then I can contribute some of my own observations from before he disappeared from the Monastery."

"Actually I'm more curious about his behavior after the fight." Cole proposed quietly, turning towards Jay and Nya with a somewhat worried looking expression. "I just don't understand how Lloyd could go from suicidal and mentally ill to a charming gentleman the second he saw you Nya. And why would he choose to give you flowers of all things?" It was still something he was extremely confused about and in reality they had all been somewhat suspicious of the gift. Nya soon found herself with a very captive audience, with both nindroids sharing curious expressions that put her on edge. She looked back at Jay for some support, but even he wasn't coming to her defense on this one. He had been harboring a grudge against their fallen leader ever since his disappearance; his girlfriend had become increasingly fixated on another man and at times he could be overwhelmed by misplaced jealousy. In this case Jay was not voicing any concerns, but he also wanted an explanation more than anyone else in that room.

"Oh, not this shit again!" Nya screamed, finally losing her temper and lashing out at her suspicious friends. "There is absolutely nothing between us and I'm sick of everyone acting like we're in love. Yes, Lloyd is my friend and I really care about him, but it's not like that."

This consistent line of thought angered her more than anything else; it was infuriating how everyone around her seemed to be constantly pushing this baseless narrative of romance and infidelity when there was nothing of the sort. And frankly, her relationship with Lloyd wasn't any of their business. She didn't really mind talking with Jay about it since they were dating, but the rest of the team had no right to constantly question her love life.

"Alright then." Cole muttered awkwardly, with an almost frightened look on his face. "I'd still like to know how different he is now compared to then." Nya sighed out of exasperation, growing annoyed with the questions and sinking to the ground out of weariness. It wasn't an unfair request, but the constant badgering was really starting to get to her.

"I can take this one." Jay offered quietly, smiling towards her before standing up and addressing the entire group. "Well, for one thing his eyes aren't red anymore. They're back to green again, which means that, at the very least, Lloyd isn't corrupted anymore. He was nice enough to patch up my suit, so I think it's safe to say that he's recovering. From what I could tell his sense of humor is also starting to come back, but he was still extremely guarded and reserved when he spoke with me. There's always more than he lets on, you can see it in his eyes."

Jay paused on that rather puzzling note, sighing and shaking his head slightly with an exasperated look on his face. Lloyd had always done a phenomenal job of concealing his feelings when he did not wish for them to be known, and as such trying to work out his true ambitions could be an extremely frustrating task. You really had to look him in the eyes to know if he was telling the truth, for there was this unmistakable wistfulness in him; a tiny sliver of guilt that betrayed his twisted web of solitude. That was often the only sign of his everlasting pain, and it was a faint one at that.

"His eyes?" Pixal asked abruptly, stirring Jay from his thoughts and commanding his attention once more. As he glanced across the room he was met with similar looks of perplexion from both Zane and Cole. They were all mildly confounded by his somewhat anecdotal evidence, with Nya being the lone exception. She was smiling up at him, her face beaming with pride and sudden enthusiasm.

"Don't forget, I taught you that." she muttered playfully, before sitting up a bit straighter and turning to face her flummoxed friends. This was becoming an increasingly bothersome conversation because, while she certainly didn't blame them for their relative naivety, having to explain herself so much was getting really repetitive. Misako can't get here soon enough…

"It's true that Lloyd is pretty much refusing to explain anything, but it's painfully obvious when he's hiding something." Nya said tensely, trying her best to keep her voice calm and measured. "I'm not really sure how to describe it… sometimes I see this kind of strain to his eyes. He tries his hardest to convince everyone that nothing's wrong, but if you look close you can tell that he's still sad and tired; just so worn out and fed up with it all. Like, I get the sense that he really wants to tell me something, and whatever it is is just been eating away at him, but then he won't talk about it."

"Did Lloyd say anything that might be helpful to our investigation?" Zane asked quickly, trying to redirect the conversation before it became too befuddled with aimless melancholy. His primary objective was to remain constantly productive; distraction was really the only way he could deal with these complicated emotions. He found it difficult to believe that there was nothing to go on, for the mere presence of entropy in their world would dictate otherwise. It was unavoidable; causality had to give them some sliver of truth, some semblance of rhyme and reason in a sea of chaos and uncertainty.

Nya tried her best to pull some intriguing details from their last meeting, but nothing came to mind. She glanced back at Jay for some bit of support, and he looked just as clueless. The only thing she could pull on was how he defended the Master of Dreams, and the only thing Jay wished to discuss was the sewing. Neither of those were inherently indicative of anything, but even so the truth was right before their eyes. Even with their limited intel it was entirely possible for them to unravel the mystery right there and then. But people like to believe what they want to be true, regardless of the facts. And of course, no one in that room wanted to think that Lloyd was once again messing around with one of their most cunning adversaries.

"No." Jay replied blankly, wearily shaking his head and shrugging with mild aloofness.

"No he didn't."

So when I first started writing this rather monotonous chapter I didn't realize just how much the ninja had to catch up on, and that's my only real excuse for the complete absence of plot advancement. I was originally planning to keep writing until I got to a natural conclusion for this conversation but I couldn't resist when the chance to end it on a cheeky one-liner finally presented itself. I couldn't bring myself to write anymore of this junk and what I've got here already took ages to write due to a general lack of motivation and some real world obligations. I do have some pretty exciting stuff planned but as always things will probably end up taking far longer than they logically should.

Oh and I finally started cross-posting some of my writing to AO3, so that's something I guess.