Chapter 18

Callie entered the room slowly. She looked around Medical and could see Abby's hand in all of it. She knew that the woman did what she needed to do in order for them to survive the descent back down to the Ground. But, as much as Callie knew that, she needed to see Abby to believe that she was actually safe and sound. It was also like she was drawn there. She didn't want to deny herself seeing Abby, either. She could feed that need now, here, in medical.

She wanted to see Clarke, too. The daughter of her best friend was her goddaughter. She knew how much like her mother Clarke was, but she also knew how stubborn and head-strong Abby was. They were bound to clash, and she hoped that she could keep them from killing each other. Neither was good with restraint when it came to being right. She knew that Clarke got that from her mother, but seeing Abby on the Ark after the Hundred fell was different. It was like a piece of her was missing and Callie knew what it was. Abby was lost without her connection to Jake. Without Clarke, Abby felt like she'd completely failed her family and Callie didn't know how to help her, except to get her to Clarke as soon as they could. (She cheated a few times and snuck Abby down into the Skybox to be nearer to Clarke. She couldn't let her in, but she could get her to the door and let them talk. Sometimes, depending on who else was on guard duty, she would open the "bean" hole to let them actually see and touch each other. Callie could only hope that it helped them deal with each other, especially after Jake's execution.)

Callie stood there and waited to be seen. Abby came out of her office. She stopped short and just stared at her. It was like nothing else mattered but the woman before them. Abby dropped the tablet in her hand on a near bed and stepped forward like she was dreaming. Callie could see it in her eyes. She knew that Abby was in shock at seeing Callie before her and that she was okay. She gave her a small smile and just nodded, hoping it would be enough.

"Callie?" Abby asked in disbelief.

"I'm here, Abby," she told her, opening her arms for Abby to join her.

That was all that Abby needed to hear. She moved across the med bay and hugged her friend. She knew that Callie was going to okay because she put her on Farm Station to lead it and survive the landing. Abby had been working tirelessly since she landed, but always in the back of her head, she was thinking about Callie and if she was okay in Azgeda. It was fear of hers that she'd sent Callie to die in the North, even though she'd somehow saved her on the Ark. It had been almost a month since the landing, but it was the thoughts of Callie that kept her up and awake at night.

Callie pulled her into an embrace. She knew that it was hard for the doctor to send her away, but they both knew that it was best for everyone involved. Callie held her tight, trying to infusing all her comfort into Abby and soothe her pain. After Abby's confession in her bed, Callie asked for her to do the right thing for the people of the Ark and not save her if it wasn't possible. Knowing that she had been dead in all other lives, she was willing to sacrifice herself so that Abby would continue on for Clarke. It would be one of her last acts as both Abby's bestfriend and Clarke's godmother. She could think of no other fitting death for her at the time. It was only right that Abby saved herself for her daughter and not be selfish.

"You're here," Abby finally replied as she backed up from the embrace.

"I am."

She knew that Abby had been worried. She could see it in her face. Landing had aged her somewhat, but she was still her beautiful friend. Callie could also tell that Abby had a lot of questions that she wanted to ask, but it was like she didn't know where to begin.

"You knew that I would be safe on Farm Station, Abby. You told me that. I went to be a voice of reason amongst those aboard. Between myself and David Miller, we had things under control. I was a little surprised by our welcome committee though," Callie told her.

"But, you made it to TonDC easily?" Abby questioned.

"As easily as we could. I was thankful that King Roan of the Ice People provided us with some horse and carts to pull everything that was deemed necessary to bring with us for now. Nathan Miller, David's son, said that Raven would decide what else was needed later. Roan promised that it wouldn't be picked over until Clarke's okay, and he seemed to be rather adamant about it," Callie told her. "Something about if Lexa didn't skin him, Anya or Echo would."

"I'm sure he was. He has reason to believe that, too. They would."

"Do they have history?" Callie asked.

"Not like that, no, at least I don't think that they do. Roan is the leader of Azgeda, the Ice People to the North. They have the largest territory in the coalition, but they depend on the Southern Clans for foods in the Winter. They provide metals, ores, and some rare animal leathers and skins in payment. Lexa helped them all work it out. And, as long as Lexa is Heda, Roan will follow her orders."

"Why is that?"

"His mother wasn't exactly known for helping. Lexa deposed her and raised him as king in her place. He knows that he is only surviving as king at Lexa's leisure, but it is more than that. He is the best thing for them going into bunkers. He has also been helping Lexa prepare for them. Thankfully, from what Clarke's said, he hasn't asked too many questions. He just answers Lexa's call when she does ask something of him," Abby stated.

"And, what of the others?"

"The others?" Abby inquired.

"Do they all know about the coming cataclysm?"

"No, they don't. Just the Twelve, which is why we are all trying so hard to help Clarke get what she needs to make sure that man survives. It is strange though," Abby mused. "That the Twelve us have come together to do this not for Man himself but for Clarke. We all love her so much that we are willing to share in her curse of rebirth and recycling in order to find the answers to save her and stop her rebirths."

"A mother's prerogative," Callie added.

"Yes, for me, I guess it is," Abby stated. "But, enough about that. Tell me more about your trip here. Who met you besides Roan? Are you the only one that has come to Arkadia now? Do I need to go to them?"

"Whoa, Abby, slow down. No, you don't need to go to them. I was just surprised to see some of them when they came to get us. Everyone is well. Bellamy and Nathan Miller, David's son are mostly in charge, I think," Callie told her.

"Miller," Abby corrected. "He goes by Miller and his father is Guard Miller. At least that is how the kids keep them separated and they agreed to it. Miller is smart, protective, and highly supportive of Clarke and Lexa. I think that Lexa has already assigned him one of her personal guards to train with."

"So, Lexa is protective of Clarke?"

"Very," Abby replied. "She's worse than I am. She makes me look like a bad parent and she's Clarke's lover."

"I know that much. I was somewhat warned by Echo about it. I'm not sure what her reasoning was, but I took it as everyone that is close to Clarke and Lexa is willing to die for them. I don't think that Octavia or I explained what being a godmother meant to her, but she seemed to understand that I was Clarke's aunt."

"You are the closest thing to be a relative to her beside Wells," Abby added.

Callie just nodded. She didn't know what else to say. She looked around and then back to Abby. After a few seconds, she reached out and grabbed Abby's hand. Pulling her into Abby's office, she maneuvered them to the small couch there to sit. She was sure that the rest of their conversation didn't need to be had in the middle of the med bay where anyone could hear it.

"Abby, what haven't you told me?"

"Clarke is breaking. They are all afraid for her. I can see it in Lexa's eyes, Octavia's movements, and Echo's protectiveness. I understand it, but I don't know how to help them. She has so many memories inside her head that I don't think she knows what is real and what isn't anymore," Abby stated. "And, then there are all the deaths, in every lifetime that weigh on her. I don't understand how she hasn't broken before. Or, maybe she has, but she hasn't told us about it. I can't help my daughter. I know she loves me. I know she does things to protect me in each and every lifetime. I know that she has forgiven me for Jake, but I can't help her, Callie. I don't know how. I'm not a warrior. I've only lived this life once, and I didn't have her in it. I can't imagine everything that she's gone through. I don't know what to do but what she asks of me."

"And, maybe that is all she needs from you, Abby. She needs her mother. She needs your love, but she also needs your medical expertise," Callie explained. "So much so, that Echo told me that I need to be your guard."

"That doesn't surprise me that much."

"She did," Callie replied, letting Abby know that she was surprised by the development.

Abby scoffed a little but just smiled. Callie just looked at her. She knew that this was also taking a toll on Abby as well. She was having to watch her daughter lead them and prepare them all to survive what is to come. She knew that it wasn't easy on anyone. A lot of the people on the Ark thought that now that they were on the ground that they were "home free." But, Abby, Kane, Sinclair...those who needed to know according to Lexa and Clarke, knew what they needed in order to proceed with them saving the human race. Callie felt surprised that they allowed her to know, but now, knowing Clarke and Abby like she did, she understood. She reached out and grabbed Abby's hand.

"I will stay by your side, Abby, but I will also protect Clarke," Callie told her, making sure that Abby met her eyes. "I love her just like she was my own."

"I know, Callie."

"I get that I wasn't here in any of the other lives, but I am here now, Abby. I'm not going to stand by and let something happen. I am going to do everything I can to make sure that you and Clarke make it," Callie started. "Look, I know that you want me to be there. I want to be there. Anyone would, but I also know that I've never made it this far before. This tells me that you can and will survive without me. You've done it before and you'll do it, again. I know that you don't like that, Abby. I get it. I want to be there with you and see her show us the way to a better life, but if it comes down to her or me, it will be me every time. I love you. I love her, but my life is not more important than hers, or even yours."

"I'm not willing to lose you again," Abby told her.

"You might not have a choice," Callie stated.

"I know, Callie. I lost Clarke before I had her in the last lifetime. I'm not willing to give up anyone this time."

"We are fighting this time, Abby. We aren't going to fail. We both know that Clarke isn't going to let that happen. It doesn't mean that she will make it, too. Clarke is smart enough to put other ways for things to happen to make sure that people survive just in case she doesn't. You have to know that. It is what you would do. It is what you are doing every day with Jackson. She's just as stubborn as you are, Abby. Clarke isn't going to back down. She's going feel like shit, but she is still going to stand tall and strong until she can actually break. And, we both know that Lexa will help her as well," Callie said.

"She isn't the only one," Abby added.

"No, she isn't. Just like you know that you aren't alone in this, either," Callie told her. "You have me by your side, Abby. And, we both know that Kane would do anything that you asked him to do, now. I still don't know what Clarke and Raven said to him, but they made him better. He is willing to do the hard things in order to make sure that we do what we need to do."

"I know that and I appreciate that, Callie," Abby replied. "But that doesn't mean that he is going to understand why we do what we do. He is going to fight me on some things, and I understand it. He has his morals, but that doesn't mean that they are going to align with our survival."

"We do what we have to do," Callie told her.

"Will you feel the same way when Clarke destroys an entire civilization?" Abby asked her, point blank.

Callie leaned back. She couldn't quite understand why Abby would ask her that. Clarke was smart and diplomatic, but she was pragmatic and saw issues that needed to be handled quickly for the long game, just like Abby. She didn't want to believe that Clarke was capable of doing something that horrific, but she knew that anyone really was. Man was capable of doing some horrendous things. She knew that from things that happened on the Ark to keep them alive, but she didn't want to believe that Clarke would destroy an entire people.

"That is how my daughter got her title among the Grounders, Callie. She killed everyone in Mount Weather. She didn't want to, but she gave the orders and then carried them out. It plagues her," Abby explained. "It is what is driving her now. She doesn't want to keep doing it, but for some reason, she ends up killing most of them in that Mountain... And, I feel helpless because I can't save her and stop it from happening. She's lived through that countless times, and I can do nothing to stop it."

"But, what about those that are here now?"

"You know about them?"

"People talk. Echo spoke of things on our trip back. I didn't understand it all, but I could tell that she was worried for more than one reason," Callie stated.

Abby laughed. She knew that there was more to Echo than most knew. She could see it in how she cared for Clarke. It was loving, but it mostly devotional.

"She loves Clarke," Abby added.

"Does Clarke love her?"

"Yes."

"But, I thought her lover was like the head honcho down here or something. Echo seems like a general and a personal body guard, not the one calling the shots. How does that work? Are they like all together?" Callie asked.

"No, nothing like that. But, I don't doubt that Echo and Clarke were together in one of her lives. I've never asked though. There are somethings that I don't need to know about my daughter. I can take the fact that she's been with several people over her many lives. I get that, I understand that, Callie, but I don't need a play by play," Abby explained. "Besides, it really isn't my business as long as Clarke stays alive and is happy."

"What did I miss? Echo and the other leaders that I met in TonDC were very adamant that Clarke be protected at all costs. Echo made it seem like she ruled over them, giving them orders that even their leader followed, and that Clarke was the only one that could save us all. What happened last time, Abby?"

"Clarke died before the coming cataclysm," Abby answered.

Her body sobbed at the memory. Callie watched her, knowing that she hadn't seen Abby this upset since Jake was taken and Clarke thrown into solitary. Abby was a shell then, but she kept going. Callie wondered if Jaha promised her that he would release Clarke on her birthday, like a dangling carrot to keep her in line. She didn't put it past the man, and it would have been the only motivation that Abby needed in order to continue living and being the head of medical.

"What happened Abby?" Callie pushed. "I can't help either of you if I don't know. They want me to protect you to protect Clarke, but I need to help protect Clarke in order to protect you. So, please, tell me what happened. If I know, I can fight it. We can stop it. We will protect our girl."

Abby looked deep into her dark eyes. She saw the strength in Callie's vow, and she knew that is was true. Callie would find a way to save Clarke now that she was still alive.

"Thank you," Abby whispered.

"Don't thank me yet, Abs. Tell me what I need to know. I might not be Major Byrne, but I've still got some weight in the Guard. I'll work with David Miller to make sure that we keep Clarke and you both alive. I don't care about the rest of them, because I don't care about them, Abs. I care about you and Clarke. You are my only family now," Callie told her.

"What about Kane?"

"What about him, Abs? We haven't been close for a while. I still love him, but I'm not sure from what I know that he's needed for us to survive. I know that you do. I know that Clarke does, too. You matter," Callie asserted. "Right now, you and Clarke are my problem to take care of, so I'm going to do that. Will you help me help you? Will you allow me to protect you and Clarke?"

"Always," Abby replied and leaned back into Callie's warm embrace, finally feeling a little safer.