CONTENT WARNING: Sexual innuendo (like, a wee bit more than usual). But don't worry, everything's still rated t!
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15: FUN DRUNK
Coming to the turn in the hallway, Queen Elsa forced herself to slow down, trying to appear casual. She smiled and thanked the maids as they opened the doors, and stepped into the room, dark in the morning pre-dawn of the Scandinavian December. The long table was lit with candles. They hadn't yet been served, which made sense, because she'd come a few minutes early.
Suddenly, a lanky figure materialized in front of her, and Elsa startled, letting out a tiny shriek.
"Oh—sorry," Jack apologized, "Did I scare you?"
"YES," she gasped. "Don't—don't do that again. Ever."
He swept into a deep bow, taking her hand. "Please accept my apologies, then," he said, kissing it. As he stood up, Elsa saw his eyes quickly dart to the pendant resting on her chest, lingering for a brief moment longer than it would have taken to look at the necklace. He quickly hid it, looking up into her eyes again.
"Oh! You're—uh," Jack said, his eyebrows lifting slightly in surprise, "You're—wearing it already?"
"Thank you for making it for me," Elsa whispered. She smiled shyly, looking down and pulling the necklace forward to look at the snowflake again.
As she did so, the pendant swinging out away from her skin, her heart leapt into her throat.
"Was—wait, was I not supposed to wear it yet?" Elsa gasped suddenly, her face going pale as she snapped her head up, "I—I'm sorry, if—"
"—You're fine!" Jack laughed. "I just thought it'd help with the—"
He abruptly cut himself off. Elsa bit her lip, watching as Jack Frost slowly pulled in his breath, then opening his mouth to try again.
"I—wasn't thinking you'd put it on yet," he said carefully.
Elsa nodded. Then, as she anxiously dropped the pendant back onto her skin, she felt a random burst of joy shoot through her. She smiled again, blushing slightly with embarrassment at her own nervousness.
"But it's beautiful!" she laughed softly, "Why wouldn't I put it on yet?"
"Um—no reason."
They turned around, beginning to walk towards the table. Elsa pulled in another breath.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you," she blurted. "By the way."
Caught off-guard by the statement, Jack raised his eyebrows, letting out a sharp laugh. "Yeaaaaaah," he chuckled, "You were pretty tuckered-out. How much do you remember?"
"We were debating the merits of daytime versus nighttime snowstorms, and then I blinked, and then I woke up."
"Ah," he nodded. "You've never stayed up really, really late before?"
"Oh, come now. Of course I have," Elsa retorted, "I just—well—when I've been researching, or gotten really into a draft of a treaty, or something, I'll often lose track of time, and—"
"—I meant, staying up for fun."
"Oh."
Fingering the pendant again, Elsa's heart leapt, the strange rush sweeping through her body again. She then looked back to him, shrugging.
"I—I suppose I haven't," she admitted.
"Not even out in the Forest?"
She shook her head.
To this, Jack scoffed and rolled his eyes, leaning in close to her face with a grin. "The Kingdom of Arendelle—it can't be all hard work and deadlines," he whispered, flirtatiously peering up at her through his eyelashes. "Not even under your rule, Snowflake."
He reached forward, playfully flicking the end of her nose. She stifled a giggle, feeling heat rushing to her cheeks as he pulled in his breath.
"And as for the Enchanted Forest," Jack added, "Perhaps you just need to spend some time up there with… someone you can relate to?"
The Fifth Spirit's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by a long, shrill squeal from the opposite side of the room.
Elsa jumped, spinning around. "Good morning, Anna," Elsa laughed. "Calm down, Anna."
"But it's sooooOOOOoooo CUTE," Queen Anna exclaimed.
Jack smiled sheepishly, leading Elsa over to her place and pulling out her chair in front of one of the four place settings. As she sat down and he pushed her in, the pregnant queen's eyes went glassy again, her face turning pink with delight. Elsa laughed softly, shaking her head. "Thank you, Jack," she said, turning to him again as he sat down next to her. "I'm glad you could make it this morning."
"I'm glad I was invited," he shrugged, grinning. "And that I can be here to offer moral support for today's… activities."
"Oh… yes," she said quietly. "Right."
Jack grasped Elsa's hand under the table, leaning into her ear. "Elsa, you're going to be fine," he whispered.
"Oh, I know that," she shrugged, smiling. "I'm actually feeling really good about it."
He raised his eyebrows, quickly looking to the necklace again. "You are?"
"Yeah. Go figure," she giggled, "I'm supposed to be scared right now. I should be scared, actually. The fact that I'm not scared is scaring me."
"Oh, come off it," Jack said, squeezing her hand and glancing to the left, "No one's supposed to be scared. When is the first sorry sap going to show up?"
"If by sorry sap you mean suitor," Elsa retorted, raising her eyebrows, "Then the first audience is at 2:30 this afternoon. And there's only one today, I've been told."
"So, we've got a little time."
"Yes, but not much. There are a lot of general kingdom affairs I have to take care of before then."
Elsa looked back up across the table to Anna, who was intently watching the two of them, a dazed, dreamy expression on her face. Elsa let out a bark of nervous laughter. "Your face is going to freeze that way, if you keep smiling like that," she giggled. "By the way, where's Kristoff? He's usually here by now."
"Oh!" Queen Anna's eyes snapped back into focus, and she shook her head. "He's still working on my Christmas present, apparently. At least, that's what he told me. He doesn't know if he can be—"
There was a loud clopping sound, and the three of them turned to see Kristoff, covered with snow, and Sven come gallivanting into the room, tracking slush across the wooden floor.
"Kristoff! You're back!" Anna got up from her chair, stumbling over to him to help him take off his coat, gloves, boots, and scarf. Elsa, noticing the snow that the commoner king had tracked in, subtly aimed her hand at the floor from under the table. Normally, she would have been upset, but—well—it was no big deal, she thought, feeling the strange, joyful sensation again. He'd learn not to do that eventually. Even though he'd been the king for eight months, her brother-in-law was still learning the ropes of living in a castle.
Her eyes narrowing in concentration, Elsa flicked her fingers.
Whoosh. In a tiny gust of wind, the slush swept up into the air over the wooden planks, sparkling as it disintegrated.
Elsa smiled, the rush of happiness sweeping through her again. She glanced back to Jack, sitting next to her. He was grinning. Before he could say anything, she raised her eyebrows, putting her finger to her lips. He nodded.
"I'm so happy you made it back in time!" Queen Anna said excitedly, "Were you able to get everything done? I can't wait to find out what it is!"
"Yes. Barely," Kristoff laughed, putting his arm around her and pulling her into a kiss. As she pulled off his scarf, placing it on the pile of snowy clothing by the door, she kissed him back, and he laughed, placing his hand on her stomach.
"And how's little Mushroom doing today?" he asked her.
"Energetic, as usual," Anna giggled, "I'm really hoping that I can actually—you know—eat breakfast in its entirety today. And we are not naming our child Mushroom."
"Mushroom is a great name!"
"No, it's not. It's a fungus."
"We'll convince you yet, my love," he retorted, "Won't we, Sven?"
The reindeer whinnied approvingly, and Kristoff nodded, pulling out a carrot and giving it to him. He sat down obediently, and Elsa smiled as Kristoff let out a hearty laugh. Then, with Kristoff in his slightly-cleaner sock feet, he and Anna walked back over to the table, sitting down.
"And how are you, dear sister-in-law?" Kristoff asked, looking to Elsa.
"Just wonderful, thank you," she exclaimed, beaming.
Kristoff raised his eyebrows, laughing good-naturedly. "Well, somebody's chipper this morning," he replied. He then gestured to Jack. "So… is anyone going to tell me who this is?"
Elsa and Anna's eyes widened. Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Wait," he laughed nervously, looking at Kristoff with puzzled eyes, "You—you can see me?"
"Um…" Kristoff's voice trailed off. He glanced around the table in confusion, then finally looking back to Jack. "I… think so?"
THUNK. Jack stood up, bumping into the table and knocking over his staff from where it had been leaning with a clatter. He ignored it, eagerly sticking out his hand to Kristoff. "Well, then. Great to meet you," he said, "I'm Jack Frost."
Kristoff took it, shaking it so vigorously that Jack almost lost his balance. Elsa restrained from giggling. "I'm Kristoff," he replied. "And—Jack Frost? You mean, like the Guardian, Jack Frost? Seriously?"
Jack grinned sheepishly, and turned over his hand. Kristoff's eyes bulged as a large, intricate snowflake materialized in front of him in the air. Jack blew on the side of it, and it twirled around, then bursting into a few hundred tiny snowflakes, falling softly onto the table between them. Elsa beamed again, squeezing her hands between her knees under the table to keep herself from bursting into applause. Why was she so—randomly—happy?
"In the flesh," Jack laughed, sitting back down.
Anna's jaw was dropped, and she grabbed Kristoff's arm. "How did you…?"
Kristoff laughed, turning to Anna and Elsa. "Oh, come on… you know," he said, "The Guardians! Like… Santa Claus… the Tooth Fairy… the Man in the Moon…?"
The sister queens stared at him blankly. Kristoff's eyes widened.
"Man, what did they teach you here?" he scoffed, "You mean that you never—?"
There was a brief moment of awkward silence. A maid and a butler came into the room, putting down three glasses of freshly-squeezed juice in front of Anna, Elsa, and Kristoff. Pausing at Jack's seat, the butler stopped, a confused expression on his face.
"Um… your majesties?" he quavered, looking to Elsa.
Queen Anna stood abruptly, lurching to catch herself on the table as she nearly fell over from the weight of her pregnant stomach. "I'm so sorry," she said quickly, "Our fourth guest—um—hasn't come yet. Can you just leave his things there?"
The butler, breathing a sigh of relief, turned and placed the juice down onto the table. As his hand reached through Jack's body, Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff simultaneously sucked in their breath. The butler, his face flushed, snapped his head up to see what was wrong.
Jack shrugged, smiling. Elsa felt a rush of excitement, and found herself, for no apparent reason, grinning again. "Thank you. That should be fine," she told the butler. He turned and hurriedly paced out of the room, and everyone turned back to Kristoff.
"As we were discussing," Elsa said, "That we'd never heard of the Guardians before yesterday? No. We hadn't."
"You mean, not at all?"
"No," Anna said, a confused expression on her face. "I mean, we believed in Santa Claus and such, but... they're real?"
"There's a reason that your butler just put his hand straight through me," Jack said. Everyone turned back to him, and he looked to Kristoff. "So, how did you find out about us?"
Kristoff shrugged. "I was raised by Rock Trolls," he explained, "And Grandpabbi knew the Man in the Moon. He told us all about the Guardians—well—you guys," he corrected.
"Me included?"
"Oh, yeah," Kristoff replied, "All of you. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, and… you? You became a Guardian just this year, right? Grandpabbi said Jack Frost was the new one."
"Very good!" Jack laughed, starting to take a drink, "A fine education, then!"
"And, of course," Kristoff chuckled, "My adoptive mother had a massive crush on the Easter Bunny."
And the Spirit of Winter choked.
Coughing and sputtering, Jack Frost slammed the glass back down, clapping his hand over his mouth as his eyes bulged in horror. Elsa moved to help him, but he shook his head, choking and sputtering into his elbow until tears were forming at the edges of his eyes.
After a few more moments and a final bout of uncontrollable coughing—the Fifth Guardian helplessly gasping for breath once again—King Kristoff's eyebrows lifted.
"I take it that doesn't sit well with you," he said.
"I—I'm sorry," Jack choked, "I just—Bunny and I aren't exactly best friends."
Jack grimaced, looking nervously to Elsa as Kristoff restrained from a laugh. She had buried her face in her hands, her ears going red with embarrassment, unsuccessfully trying to restrain from laughing. It was just… so. Funny. Why was it so funny?
As Kristoff started to say something again, the butler and maid returned, each carrying two plates of food. Kristoff abruptly shut his mouth. The maid stopped, staring at the empty place at the table. Then, the butler glaring at her, she quickly shook her head, nervously walking forward with him and putting one plate down in front of Elsa, and another through Jack's apparently-invisible body onto the table. Elsa thanked them, and they quickly left, pacing a little faster than usual towards the door.
The four sat in silence again, staring at each other, as the door closed. Finally, Kristoff cleared his throat.
"So," he started again, looking back to Jack, "What brings Jack Frost to Arende—oh. Wait," the commoner king drawled, his eyes sliding in Elsa's direction. "Don't tell me."
"I'm pursuing a—um," Jack said carefully, "Friendship—with your sister-in-law."
"Of course you are." He then glanced to Elsa again, and raised his eyebrows, turning back to Jack and leaning across the table. "And—uh—good luck."
"Kristoff!" Anna exclaimed, hitting his shoulder. He shook his head with a chuckle, and Jack Frost shrugged, the sheepish grin tugging at the edge of his mouth as his eyes darted to Elsa's necklace again.
Feeling another strange jolt of happiness, she gestured to the plates. "So," Elsa laughed, "Are we going to ever actually eat, or…?"
"Oh, GOOD suggestion!" Anna exclaimed, "I'm STARVING!"
She and Elsa each picked up a utensil, starting on a different food on their plate. Elsa began daintily cutting into her slice of ham, while Queen Anna immediately went for the tiny pastries lacing the sides. Kristoff looked down at his table setting, with the numerous forks and spoons of all different sizes. Elsa could see, on the corner of her eye, that Jack was also confusedly looking at the royal assortment of utensils.
"No… darling…" Anna's voice murmured. Elsa and Jack both looked across the table, to see Princess Anna desperately trying to help her newly-royal husband. "Not—no, that one's for the berries—"
Elsa smiled in spite of herself as King Kristoff dropped the tiny fork with frustration, letting it fall onto the table with a clatter and selecting a different one. "Anna," he groaned, "I love you, but I've told you a million times. I am never going to remember which one is which."
"Oh, good," Jack laughed, raising his eyebrows, "So, I'm not the only one."
Kristoff shrugged, looking up to Jack. "Usually, I just pick one at random."
"Kristoff!" Anna exclaimed again.
Trying to restrain from a laugh, Elsa kneaded her eyebrows. "Seriously?" she laughed breathily, looking to Jack, "You don't? I would have figured that you would have pranked people about this."
"Oh, I have. Believe me, I have," Jack said, turning to her and smiling slyly again, "It's hilarious. When the guy is trying to have a sophisticated, romantic dinner, you just sneak up behind him and take away one fork at a time… and, over the course of the meal, you get to just watch as he loses his mind, trying to figure out why his date has seven forks, and he suddenly only has four…"
Elsa giggled, the light feeling rushing through her. "That is pure evil," she retorted.
"Thank you."
"So, you don't know which fork to use?"
"Nope," Jack shrugged. "But I can guarantee you that I'll pick up the right one."
King Kristoff let out a bitter laugh. "How's that?" he chuckled, "Teach me. I beg you. Some sort of magic trick?"
"No. Just hedging my bets," Jack replied.
He then calmly scooped the entire line of forks up into his right hand, stabbing his roll with all of them at once.
CHUNK.
Kristoff burst out laughing, clapping his hand over his eyes and sinking into his chair as Queen Anna protested, and Jack Frost casually took a bite out of the roll stuck onto the end of all the forks. Giggling uncontrollably, Elsa buried her face in her hands, helplessly struggling to stop herself from laughing. But she couldn't. It was just—she wasn't sure why it was so FUNNY, but somehow it was, looking at Jack Frost beside her, holding up the most ridiculous solution to mastering the line of forks that she had ever seen. It was just so funny. EVERYTHING was funny; the forks were funny, the rules were funny, Jack was funny, and OH MY WORD JACK FROST WAS FUNNY.
"Technically," Jack chuckled, leaning over to her in his chair and making Elsa jump again, "I am holding the right one. Somewhere in here."
"Oh my word," she gasped, "Put that thing down!"
"Not proper table etiquette?"
"NO."
A hint of a sly little smirk tugged at the edge of Jack's mouth again as he eyed the roll, considering the statement. Then, his face grave, Elsa watched as he adjusted his grip on the fork bouquet, looking to her solemnly and raising his eyebrows.
"Is this better?"
Jack Frost extended his pinky finger.
Kristoff was now laughing so hard that he was crying. Jack shrugged, grinning sheepishly as he put down the roll, and looked back to Elsa, who was redder than ever, giggling uncontrollably.
"Elsa?"
Elsa looked across the table to her sister. Anna seemed to be the only one who didn't find the situation funny, with a puzzled expression on her face.
"Elsa, what's gotten into you?" Anna asked quietly, "You're so—giddy, all of a sudden!"
"I have NOOOOOOOO IDEAAAA!" Elsa squealed, "It's just so—I don't KNOW why I'm laughing! Everything is just so FUNNY today!"
She leaned over onto the table, thumbing the pendant in-between her fingers and trying to take deep breaths. After a few moments, giving up, Elsa dropped it back onto her chest, dissolving into a fit of hysterical giggling again as another random shot of glee surged through her chest.
Queen Anna's eyes widened. "Elsa!"
"WHAT?" Elsa giggled, "I'm fiiiiiiiiiiine!"
"Your necklace!"
"OoOOOOoh, Jack made it for me! What about it?"
"It's—it's glowing!"
"Really?"
Eagerly looking down to the little snowflake, Elsa's hands flew to the necklace's chain, and she giggled again, flicking her fingers over the ice. It fell instantly into her hand, and she grasped the chain, pulling the pendant up to inspect it, and—
She froze.
Catching the colors of the sunrise from the enormous window behind them, the pendant glittered eerily as it turned before her in the air, all the joy she had so randomly possessed suddenly sucked away from her. Watching it with disbelief, Elsa felt a wave of fear wash over her body again, the pit in her stomach returning.
"Wha—?" Elsa squeaked, "I—!"
She looked up in blank shock.
"Why, you sly dog!" Kristoff suddenly laughed, looking to Jack. Elsa and Anna turned to him as well, and it was then that Elsa realized Jack was blushing, staring determinately into his lap.
"What?" Elsa choked, "What is it? What's going on?"
"Oh, come on," Kristoff laughed. "You know—Jack Frost! Jack Frost's fun magic? How he can breathe fun into, like, a snowball, and throw it in your face, and suddenly, you're having fun, too? He must have put it into that necklace. The genius!"
Jack gulped, slowly looking up into Kristoff's eyes. Elsa felt her heart start pounding, beating painfully against the inside of her ribcage.
"Wait…" Kristoff's voice trailed off, seeing Jack's face turning a deeper shade of red. "You—you didn't—tell her?"
Elsa abruptly stood from the table, shoving back her chair with a sickening screech. She looked to the necklace, and then to Jack, and then back to the necklace, her mouth hanging open in horror. He leapt onto his feet, his eyes pleading.
"Elsa," he stammered, "Please—I just thought it might help you stay calm today—with the suitors coming, and—"
"—You jerk!" Queen Anna gasped, "How dare you!"
"I was only trying to help!" Jack begged desperately, "I can explain!"
"Explain what?" Kristoff snapped, "That you thought you'd manipulate her into liking you, or—"
"—It's NOT like that!"
Her heart pounding, Elsa looked down to the pendant. The beautiful snowflake caught the light again, gleaming tauntingly as it turned on its chain, reality crashing around her once again.
Her hands trembling, the young queen shakily pulled in a deep breath.
"P-please excuse me."
Fighting back the stinging in her eyes, the Fifth Spirit shakily reached forward and dropped the necklace onto the table in front of him, shoving past her childhood hero in humiliation and fleeing from the room.