Hello!

Right, so, shocking reveal of a secret today!

It's not a big secret, or a main secret really, but it is something that Meredith has been lying about for a little bit now.

I was quite indecisive about what I wanted to do relating to this specific plot point, but eventually decided that the alternative (you'll get it once you get there) was too much for me to build in along other things. It would have made for one fun scene (again, you will probably be able to guess later on) but that one scene wasn't good enough to convince me to change the plot.

Enjoy! :)

"Remember when you had DSMO poisoning-"

Derek looked round from his computer to see his superior. He was trying to do something - anything - to take up his mind while Meredith was in surgery. Luckily, it was a rather short operation. "Don't think it's the kind of thing I'd forget."

"You asked about whether you were able to have sex." Richard continued. He distinctly remember the surprise at the time, first at the idea that he was still interested after saying at the time that it was something he was giving up, and then at the idea that he had actually found someone to be with. It wasn't that he didn't believe that Derek was capable of finding someone to love, but he knew that his social circle only consisted of Mark, Addison and his work colleagues on occasion, so he thought it was highly unlikely that he'd be able to identify a girlfriend. Although, in hindsight, he probably should have noted that his increase in smiles correlated with the time he met Meredith.

"Yeah." He breathed.

"I said I wasn't aware that sex was something you were interested in anymore and you told me you'd found yourself a girl."

"Mmm." He sighed. "Was it you yesterday?"

"I should probably punish you for breaking policy." He replied after a short nod to confirm it was him. While relationships were allowed between colleagues (and doctors of different rankings), they were supposed to be public or at least known to the senior staff for HR reasons.

"Well, a member of the senior staff does know, if that helps."

"Who?" He asked, confused. "Mark?"

"Well- yes, Mark knows." He agreed. "But also Bailey."

"You told Bailey but not me?" He asked. If he had to divulge it to one person (other than Mark, who knew always knew everything about Derek), he'd think it would be the chief of surgery, so he could work on making sure no legal cases broke out if the pair split.

"I said she knows, not that I told her."

He smiled. "Right. That was just Bailey being Bailey?"

Derek smiled back. "She knows everything."

"She does." He agreed. The pair were silent for a minute before he observed, "You seem happier."

"I feel happier." He agreed. "She...makes me not hate myself."

"Love is impressive stuff, huh?"

He smiled. "Sure is. Sometimes I can't believe I didn't want this. Then again-" He sighed. "I didn't know someone like Meredith would ever come around, you know? But...I don't know, there she was and I thought it was so nice to make a new friend and then- then she's telling me she loves me. Freakinglovesme."

"Were you not in love at the time too?"

"Of course I was. I just- I thought I'd ignore it, and it'd pass and I wouldn't say anything but-" He paused. "Of course, she knew I was in love with her; she's a mind reader."

He smiled. "Well-suited couples seem to read each other's mind naturally. I'd say it's a very positive sign."

"Hope so. This is- if life can just stay this way forever, me and Mer-" He sighed through his smile. "It's all I've ever wanted. It's complicated and relationships are confusing sometimes but- I never thought I'd get this. Ever. And I have it."

"You don't want things to change?"

"Well- I mean, things do change. But...relationship wise, I'm not sure I could wish for someone better. I'm not sure there's someone better out there at all."

"Would you get married?"

"Maybe one day." He answered after a short second of thinking. "I'm not against it, is what I mean. Just...can't be sure right now, you know?"

"How about children? Am I going to be teaching Grey-Shepherds when I'm a hundred and still haven't retired?"

"I think I'd need a lot more therapy- Meredith-therapy and clinical therapy before being ready for that. And having kids in difficult as a surgeon with career progression- for Mer, I mean. And then- I don't know what she wants- or what she wants might change."

"You sound like you're thinking of the right things." He replied.

"Just all so complicated." He sighed. "You knew her mom, right?"

"Of course."

"Mer said she had some...interesting parenting styles."

"She was an amazing surgeon- incredible surgeon. But I did always feel bad for Meredith. I could tell she wasn't getting- perhaps as much care and love as she hoped for."

He sighed. "She thinks she'll be like her. She doesn't want to mess a kid up and- I mean, I can reassure her about herself because I know she strives to be the best she can in everything and I'm sure that would extend to parenting but, you know, I can't tell her that I'd just be the primary parent because I'm not confident enough in my skills either."

"Like-mother-like-daughter...it's true sometimes, but it's not inevitable."

"I know. She just...likes to worry anyway."

He smiled. "Shame she couldn't apologise."

"Ellis couldn't apologise?" He asked, a little confused.

"I mean- by the time Meredith had finished with everything that happened and then actually graduated med school-" He sighed. "She was far too gone to truly consider what she'd done- or rather what she hadn't done as a mother, and try and make it up to Meredith."

Derek didn't reply to that.

"And then, I mean, when she died, Meredith was so distraught. Makes sense, of course, but-" He paused.

Crap.

"It's September Seventeenth."

She gulped. Right. That thing. "Yeah- I um- I guess it is."

"So, I asked you here because I wanted to check you were doing okay." He continued, inviting her to take a seat with his hand.

"I'm going to be honest-" She sighed. "I didn't even acknowledge that today was- well, today."

"Take a seat, Meredith." He prompted again, seeing as she didn't follow his non-verbal instruction.

She obliged without a word, mostly because he was her boss; she wasn't going to refuse twice.

"So, it's been a year."

"It has." She agreed awkwardly. She had no need to be here; she didn't even remember that today was the one year...well, she wouldn't call it an anniversary, because that didn't sound right, but that's what it technically was.

"So, I know you didn't realize, but, now that you have- let's talk about you, and how you feel."

"My...my mom is dead. And-" She paused for a short second. "That's it."

"You didn't know about Ellis?" He asked.

"Mer's mom died?" Derek asked, still rather shell-shocked. They'd talked about her mom. Multiple times. She was always alive according to Meredith's tenses, and she had even said she was into research. He supposed it made sense now why she was so vague about it all.

"Complications of Alzheimer's." He admitted, seeing as he saw no point in hiding any more. "She didn't tell you?"

He sighed. "No...no, she didn't."

Meredith looked cute when she was asleep. Especially because it wasn't accompanied by her regular, earth-shatteringly load snores when she was knocked out with anaesthetic rather than tiredness. But it was her eyes opening that made his smile widen.

"Hi."

She smiled back. "Hello."

"How are you doing? Do you need anything? Is the pain okay?"

She didn't care about any of those things. What she cared about was the fact that she could tell he was speaking softly, but that it was perfectly clear to her. "I can hear you."

"What? Can you say that again? I didn't quite-" He paused when she weakly lifted her arm, and hit him the best she could when she was still half asleep. "Hey!"

She giggled before muttering, "Meanie."

"I'm your favourite meanie though, right?"

She smiled and her hand just about managed to find his so she could hold it.

He would have always squeezed it tight, but found his hand gripping a little more now...now that he knew.

"You're my favourite everything."