Hello! :)

I keep dipping in and out of watching early grey's in my spare time, and I clearly wrote this chapter just after a little watching session.

I realise I've left you on a cliffhanger, more of suspense than angst for once though, so...perhaps another Tuesday post? I keep doing them because I feel bad for making you wait a whole week to find out what happened with them xD, but I do have enough chapters right now to do that, so I'm happy to continue for your sakes.

Anyway...enjoy! Kind of!

"Talk."

She couldn't do what he had instructed. She couldn't even move, so she knew talking wasn't even an option.

He shut the door behind himself, and met the bed. "Please, talk."

She still didn't reply, and he took the moment of silence to transfer over and sit next to her. She still didn't pay any attention to him.

"Mer." He brushed her hair carefully with his hand, moving it behind her ear.

She looked up, but that was all he got, and he wished that she hadn't from the state of her.

"Meredith-" He sighed. "Please. When this happens- you can't hold it in. I promise, this is something you can't bottle."

"I hate this. I hate my job. I..." She paused to sniff. That, unfortunately, didn't help the tears running down her cheeks. "Derek- I just- I can't- She died. She's dead. She...she isn't alive anymore. She was alive this morning and now- now she's not."

"I know, Meredith. I..." He swallowed. "I know."

"She's cracking jokes. How do you tell somebody that she's gonna be dead in a few minutes when she's sitting up cracking jokes?"

"And she...I mean-" She paused. "He was nice too. Of course he was. And, you know, even if he wasn't that nice, that wouldn't mean that he'd deserve to live any less than her but- but she was so young and so sweet and- she just- she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this."

"No one deserves it, but...sometimes, it's just so backwards- the rules of the universe are just so...upside-down."

"She was one of few people who...who really shouldn't have died."

He sighed. "Mmm; she was so...sweet."

"Can you feel that Miss Krasnoff?"

"Hmm. You're a cute doctor; cute doctors get to call me by my first name."

He smiled sheepishly before correcting himself, "Bonnie?"

She smiled backed and hummed in confirmation.

"Ok, so, do you feel that Bonnie?" He asked again, this time without receiving a frown from the girl.

"Can I feel what?" She asked, still smiling at him. After a second of reading his expression though, that smile was gone. "Oh...well I guess that's a no."

Derek swallowed, and didn't reply to that. "Um- could you try to wiggle your toes Mr. Maynard?"

"Are they moving?" He asked, worried.

"Yes, they are." Derek confirmed with a short smile.

He almost laughed with joy. "Oh, good. That's good, right?"

He nodded. He'd take any joy at this point, after seeing two strangers stuck together through a rebar...two strangers impaled together, even. "Yes, it sure is, Mr Maynard."

"What about me? Are mine moving?" Bonnie asked, hope in her voice.

Derek gave her the best smile he could before confirming, "Yes, they are."

"Yay me." She sighed, joy evident on her face.

Derek did his best to avoid eye contact with both George - who looked extremely confused by his fake answer - and Bonnie, and looked to their charts in the hope to get a second to breathe.

"What about you Dr Shepherd?"

He looked up. "Mmm?"

"I'm not going to be bashful, we can both see that you're in a wheelchair-" Tom started. "Happen to have a similar story? And one...one that has a happy ending perhaps?"

"I'm afraid this is my first encounter of this situation as both a patient and a doctor, but I can tell you that I am happy now."

"So...being paralysed isn't as bad as it sounds?" Bonnie asked. "Because...you know, when there's a metal pole going through you, you're not...very confident of that kind of thing."

"It can suck sometimes, the movies aren't all wrong...but you have your Danny and I sure hope you're going to have Tom here to come and see you every day once he's recovered, so you'll be fine, Bonnie."

She smiled. "I mean, I wasn't so sure we'd be friends when we just next to each other on the train but...now, I think we've made a bond for life."

Derek smiled back.

"So...did you have a girlfriend and an also-injured friend to get you through it?"

"I had...a mom, four sisters, and one very, very kind friend."

"Four sisters?"

"Mmm. I think they more hindered than helped my recovery-"

They both grinned.

"But, thankfully, they went back to their states fairly frequently so I was able to recover without being...sister-ed every second."

"And now?"

"I have someone alike your Danny to make me the happiest person in the world."

"You do?" She asked.

He smiled. He'd never had anyone ask a question like that. Most of the time, if he'd talk of something like his job or his personal life and he mentioned something that was on the common-man's able-bodied-only list, he'd be met with disgust. It was like she was happy, excited, even. "Yeah. I do. And that makes me think your Danny is going to get you through this in a breeze."

She smiled at his last comment.

"And...we're gonna make it? Bonnie and I?" Tom asked.

"We...we're going to do everything we can Mr Maynard."

"What's going on in your head?"

"What?" She muttered in a small voice.

"In your head- what is your brain saying? What are you thinking?"

"I don't-"

"Is it...the world isn't fair? Or- I wish I could have done more? Or...are you wishing that he would have died instead of her? Because I understand. I know what it's like, you know I do- sometimes you wish for things that you know you're not really wishing for. Sometimes you wish...you make up this thing in your head- a trading system- you process that you can't have everyone live so you find yourself wishing that...that that one little girl could have lived and that lonely 80-year-old women died. And it's horrible. You think you're horrible for thinking it. But...it's just your brain trying to cope. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, and you can tell me."

"They just-" She swallowed. "They gave up."

"I know."

"She...she was still living- at least for a few more moments but-" Tears fell. "They didn't even try and help her."

"Logic...science- they told us what we had to do."

"You were right." Derek sighed. "Her vitals are erratic, pulse is weak, spine is severed. I was hoping it didn't hit from that angle."

"What about him? Think he can live?" Bailey pondered. She hated that she had to ask that question.

Derek didn't speak for one very long moment before regretfully admitting, "He's got better odds."

"Well then I hate logic and science."

"I know. Me too...I-" He licked his lips. "I was so tempted to lie. To...to say she could survive instead. But that wouldn't have been the truth."

"So she died."

"But Tom Maynard is alive." He reminded her, squeezing her hand.

"But she's dead." Meredith returned. "Bonnie is dead."

"Do you want a hug or a bed snuggle?" He asked after a moment. He didn't know what else to do, but he knew she loved being held by him when she was upset.

"I..." She swallowed. "I don't think either is going to make me feel any better, Derek. I'm sorry."

"Are you sure?"

"Nothing...nothing can fix this and nothing can-" She licked her lips. "There's just- it's a-"

"Hole? In your heart?" He suggested. "Feels like someone punched you. And like...you could never recover- like you could never feel happy again?"

She gave him a small smile, because that's exactly how she felt, in words that she would never be able to get out herself. "I wish you could fix it."

He sighed, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. He knew it wouldn't do that good, but that didn't mean he couldn't use the time to try and think of something that really would fix it all.

Meredith paused when her phone buzzed, and placed her bag down.

Derek. And he wanted her to head to the second floor, past the dermatology ward and to where-ever room 4098 was.

She stated at the message for a long second before sighing, picking her bag back up, slinging it over her shoulder and heading out of the interns' locker room.

Of course, Derek knew about what had happened; he had sat with her in the on-call room listening to her ramble for about 30 minutes, and she thought about that fact for the whole of the elevator ride and walk to his instructed location.

Often, Meredith was pessimistic, especially when it came to people because, most of the time, people disappointed her. But Derek was her one exception, and that was a big part of why she loved him so freaking much.

So, somewhere, a tiny piece of her heart was hopeful that the message she had just received was because Derek was being Derek. He'd instructed her there for a kiss or a hug or something physical to make her feel better. Or, perhaps, he'd literally just instructed her there for a sit-down where she could sit and cry, and he'd listen and absorb every word with truthful replies of condolence and hand holding for support.

She paused when she passed the dermatology unit.

Of course, she knew that this ward was this ward really, she'd been here once or twice, but she didn't really think about it before.

If she was here for what she thought she was here for, he was mad. So freaking mad. But she loved him for it. So freaking much.

When she entered the room, she very quickly found herself to be stuck. She didn't know how to react: what to do, what to say, what her eyes should look like, how open her mouth should be. So she just let her true emotions through, which involved her staring at him without a word.

He smiled, not surprised by her reaction. "Hi."

"Are we...I mean-" She swallowed, not sure how to ask what she was trying to ask.

"Yes, we are here for what you think we are here for." He confirmed. What else would he be doing in a place like this?

"But- I mean-"

"I want to give you some smiles." He said. "The patient died, you're upset, and you need some smiles. Now, come stand over here, and let me show you something that's going to make you smile for freaking hours."

A/N: Mmm...where do we reckon they are?