Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.

Chapter One

Padmé felt a strong flutter in her chest, her heart clenching and unclenching as if held by an invisible hand. The sensation pulled her out of her trance and back into reality. She found herself staring out the window once more.

The skyline of Coruscant was breathtakingly spectacular. At sunset, the blue-white light of the distant sun broke through the planet's atmosphere, melting into the endless streams of antigravity traffic. The splashes of brilliance traced the cascading outlines of mountain tops, clouds, and skyscrapers endlessly.

Twilight was likely Padmé's favorite time on Coruscant. She often withdrew from the endless arguments of the Senate to immerse herself in the moment and find peace. But now, as she stared out the window, the densely packed buildings stretched out like an army of ants on a pure white canvas, making her scalp tingle and leaving her with a lingering sense of anxiety.

Perhaps it was a result of the concussion and the stress of war, but how could she explain that she always stood at the window gazing into the distance? After staring at it for so long, the lights of various colors intertwined and blurred, except for the five spires in the distance, which stood out brightly in the sea of brilliance. It wasn't just now that she noticed the uniqueness of the Jedi Temple, but why had it captured her attention so much at this moment?

Anakin.

His name escaped her lips, causing a sharp flutter in her chest. This had been happening more frequently since returning from Geonosis. Worry about Anakin and anxiety about the future nearly consumed her. It seemed like a long time since he had come back into her life that she hadn't been focused on one thing completely. Even when she fought the beast to the death in the arena, she acted on instinct to ensure his safety; when she hunted Dooku, she prioritized her duty, but her worry for him pressed against her chest, weighing her down until she stormed into the tower—

He was alive! Thank the stars!

She ran to him and hugged him tightly. But Anakin was in terrible shape; his face was swollen, his elbow broken, and there was no blood from the wound because it was cauterized. His gaze was empty, his expression wooden, as if he hadn't yet processed what had happened. The energetic young Jedi was gone, replaced by someone who stood there confused, like a child who had lost his mother's hand in a crowd. She couldn't stop trembling as she hugged him, her internal organs seeming to squeeze each other painfully.

"I'm here, Anakin, I'll stay with you," She whispered a promise in his ear.

However, Padmé was unable to honor that promise. She desperately wanted to see Anakin. Just one glimpse would be enough for her, but she couldn't even manage that. She concocted grandiose excuses that crumbled at the touch of the temple's rigid rules, and the healer's businesslike look made her want to cry. She'd never imagined being so wretched,so useless, and her attempts had centered on nothing more than wanting to see him again. Why was it so difficult?

"Anakin is a Jedi; he has sworn an oath to the Jedi Order," Obi-Wan's words echoed in her mind like a ghost. "A Jedi has many important missions and rules to follow."

She kept replaying her encounter with Obi-Wan in the Temple Medical Hall. He had offered to talk, but all she could think about was Anakin at that moment, and she remembered in a trance that he'd said many things, not in the usual standard Jedi style, with a rare candor and concern. She tried hard to catch his words, but they passed through her fingers like the wind.

Until he said, "He cares about you, Padmé, very much. He fought tooth and nail for it, and I'm afraid it will end up destroying him."

A wave of panic hit her.

Obi-Wan's sincere expression hung with exhaustion. "I can't just stand by and let him be misled by emotional ties, abandon his duty, or even jeopardize his own life."

"What does it mean？"

" When you fell from the ship during the hunt for Dooku, all he wanted to do was come back to save you, ignoring Dooku and the war. During his duel with Dooku, his judgment was clouded by hatred because Dooku had hurt you. Padmé, you have no idea how close he came to death."

The words punched her in the stomach so hard it hurt to even exhale.

"This wasn't the first time he's lost control, was it? When you were on Tatooine, Master Yoda felt an uncontrollable rage emerge from Anakin through the Force." Alarm bells rang in her mind as she locked eyes with the Jedi Master.

" I'm so sorry about his mother's death. I didn't realize how deeply it affected him, but we can't let attachment destroy him. "

"I... I killed them. I killed them all. "

"They're dead, every single one of them."

"Not just the men, but the women and the children too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals..."

Anakin's statements and Obi-Wan's admonitions overlapped and split into countless voices, buzzing in Padmé's ears.

However, she didn't hear that Anakin should prioritize duty over personal feelings; she didn't hear that leaving the Jedi Order would be a huge mistake for him; she didn't hear that they should remain friends while it was still possible… What she heard was, "Please think about it, for him…"

It hit her directly.

When it was about " for him..." everything else became powerless.

Before Tatooine, the strongest motivation for rejecting Anakin was her belief that everything was under control; she might not be able to control his affection, but she could control her own. Years of a political career had taught her an important lesson: cut losses in time. No one would die from losing someone. Their love would bring pain and suffering, eventually turning into scars with time and distance, perhaps never healing, always aching when touched. However, it would pass, it would scab over, and finally move on.

Then, Shmi died, and Anakin collapsed, shattering her resolute decision with overwhelming force. The atrocity he unleashed to avenge his mother still sent chills down her spine, but it wasn't the main reason that shook her to her core. Looking back, when Anakin confessed everything to her, she was so shocked that she still hasn't fully sorted out her thoughts. She remembered the moment when her neurons seemed to stop functioning, her body went limp, and all she could do was stare at him woodenly. His face was twisted and distorted between pain and shame. He wandered around the engine room in a daze until he ran out of energy and collapsed in a corner, burying his head between his knees and beginning to cry.

She kept staring at him, not taking her eyes off him for a second. She didn't know what she was staring at or thinking, as if her brain was shrouded in a thick fog. Now she realized she wasn't seeing the high-spirited Jedi apprentice, but the boy who had boarded the starship for the first time years ago. He woke up in a cold ship, cowering in a corner, shivering, with tears streaming down his face from missing his mother.

"Here," he said. " I made this for you. So you'd remember me. I carved it out of a japor snippet... It will bring you good fortune. "

Even in his fear of the future, he remained mindful of her well-being. He placed his trust in strangers without reservation, even putting his own life on the line to assist them selflessly. Amidst the struggles of survival, he clung to hope and love as the strongest foundation under his feet, with a strong sense of dedication to every life...

She knew Anakin. During his years of slavery on Tatooine, a world filled with violence, poverty, and suffering, it was Shmi's love that shaped his kindness and strength; during his rigorous training at the Jedi Temple, Shmi's love also sustained his hope. He hoped to reunite with his mother, to make her proud, to see her safe. When that hope was shattered, the pain and rage torched his faith. She didn't excuse his revenge; she tried to understand how someone's emotions could be so overwhelming.

Padmé didn't know what drove her at that moment; perhaps it stemmed from her most genuine desire, she embraced him, comforted him—

"To be angry is to be human."

But hate shouldn't be expressed through violence... She knew Anakin had made a huge mistake. Yet, she also believed he would still give his all, even his life, to love, to save, to give. This was the fundamental thing that shook her to her core - for the first time in her life, she had been so selfish so self-righteous that she gave in to her emotions, disregarding all the rules and principles she had held onto for years. She was well aware that Anakin would be her greatest vulnerability, and she didn't mind at all.

Finally, she saw her heart; She truly... deeply... loved Anakin Skywalker. Before they died, she needed him to know.

Now, they're alive.

Then what?

She gazed out the window for a long time, unaware of when the darkness had swallowed the twilight. On Coruscant, the nights shone more brilliantly than the days, as the vivid lights of buildings intertwined with the rapidly changing glow of holographic advertising screens. Countless flying machines sped past, their slender beams blending into a dazzling river of lights that flowed endlessly... She couldn't see where it ended. She didn't know where to go.

The air conditioning in the Senate office building, set to a constant temperature based on biodiversity, always vexed Padmé. Sunlight streamed precisely from the dome, casting uniform shadows behind each column. The exhaled breath of various beings merged into a single scent, creating a windless, dry, and sticky atmosphere that reminded her of a vast, enclosed escape pod. Last night, the Queen suggested she take a few weeks off. With a formal nod, Padmé thanked the Queen, turned off the hologram, and found herself at a loss for what to do next.

At 7 a.m., she returned to the Senate alone. As she disembarked from the airship, she hit her forehead on the door, feeling like she was falling headfirst down the gangway. Well, she had fallen harder a few days ago. The collision jolted her groggy mind awake. Standing in the turbolift, she began to mentally organize her schedule: signing documents, returning communications, attending two banquets, a holographic meeting… How was Anakin? No news was good news, but she still longed to see him. She had to see him. She had made decisions for them and needed to tell him in person. Damn, back to square one! Whether confined to her apartment or stepping out, idling away or working tirelessly, her thoughts always circled back to—

"Anakin!"

Padmé blurted out as the turbolift door slid open.Anakin stood before her, in his usual Jedi robes, sandy-short hair, and Padawan braid, sweat-slicked forehead, breathing heavily, just as he had appeared in her apartment not long ago. She held her breath, staring at him in disbelief.

Then he smiled. The clouds parted, and the sun shone bright.

Padmé lunged forward, grabbing his wrists as if she were drowning, her gaze sweeping from head to toe. "Are you all right? How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, don't worry about me," Anakin said, gripping her wrists in return. " I was very worried about you, Padmé. As soon as I left the medbay, I wanted to find you, but-"

"I'm okay too." She exhaled a long breath, releasing all her anxiety, feeling as if her feet were floating.

He smiled again, af a heavy burden had been lifted.

She examined him more carefully, her gaze falling on his right hand—a mechanical hand covered in a black glove. She couldn't see it, but she could feel its presence. A wave of distress hit her; she instinctively wanted to touch it, but he pulled back as if burned. She looked up, catching a fleeting awkwardness in his eyes. Without thinking, she reached out and held his prosthetic hand, softly saying, "I don't mind, it's part of you."

He frowned, a series of unreadable emotions flitting across his face, then relaxed his brow. His leather-wrapped fingers tightened around hers. "I know, I'm still adjusting."

For a moment, they stared at each other, looking a bit silly, but she didn't care. It wasn't until the turbolift started that she realized they were at an entrance where anyone could see them. She let go and stepped back, her posture becoming reserved. Anakin also stepped back cautiously.

"Did you come specifically to find me?" Well, obviously. Where's your brain, Padmé?

"I have something to tell you," his eyes sparkled. "Good news."

Padmé bit her lower lip, trying to hide the smile that crept up unconsciously. She quickly glanced at the hallway connected to the turbolift passage, where a Mirialan in a council uniform hurried by. She waved her hand politely down the hallway, and Anakin nodded in agreement, walking alongside her.

The walk was short, with few people passing by. Given their height difference, she didn't look up at him, as maintaining the distance carefully would seem pretentious. He was so close that she could feel the heat emanating from his body. It felt like they were trapped in a hot cocoon, her pores sweating, and her head feeling dizzy. She faintly smelled the scent of rain-soaked earth and oil. Strangely, she began to imagine what he looked like waking up in the morning.

Thank goodness, they arrived. Before entering the passcode, Padmé finally looked up at him, relieved to see she wasn't the only one who was nervous. As the door opened, she intended to make space for him to enter first, but when she turned around, she almost bumped into his chest, a wave of heat burning from her spine to her cheeks. Here, at her office door, in a hallway where they could be seen at any moment, the first thought that invaded her mind was that her forehead didn't reach his chin, and she wanted to be wrapped in his robe—before her psychological reaction led to a physiological one and became awkward, she stepped into the room.

Padmé stood with her back to Anakin, facing the expansive floor-to-ceiling windows. The early morning sunlight was dazzling, almost startling as if it had melted the morning scenery of Coruscant. Inhale, exhale. When she turned back, her thoughts froze. Anakin stood about three steps away, hands hidden in his sleeves, head slightly bowed, his face blushing, with wide, innocent eyes fixed on her. For a second，She drifted off, as an untimely warmth flowed through her body.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah. I do have something to tell you."

Then, an awkward silence ensued.

She cleared her throat. "You just said that." He looked down and pursed his lower lip, looking so adorable. She couldn't help but smile, and he followed suit. It was as if the awkwardness from seconds ago had never existed. "What's the good news, anyway?"

" I've been knighted as a Jedi."

"Wow! " Her smile was so wide that her face changed shape. "I'm so proud of you, Anakin."

"Thanks." He grinned. " I didn't expect it to happen so soon, well, although they should have done it earlier."

"Come on, Anakin, don't be such a boy."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"How dare I make fun of a Jedi. A proud, fearless Jedi Knight."

"And, you just called me a boy."

She looked him over, then pretended that it had suddenly dawned on her. " My goodness, how you've grown! "

"So have you."

While telling the same old jokes, they laughed a bit too hard. With him, she laughed so much. Soon, she noticed he had stopped laughing and was staring at her intently. She couldn't help but look back into his eyes, which had a circle of light gray around the edges of his blue irises, bright and sparkling, staring at her like she was the only source of light in the night sky. No one had ever looked at her like that. The tens of thousands of words stored in her brain suddenly vanished without a trace.

"I love seeing you like this," he said.

"Like what?"

He stepped closer to her. "Like..." He lifted his hand, the flesh-and-blood one, and traced the lines of her face from her brow to her lips, his thumb brushing over the curve of her smile. " Laughing if you want to ..." He smiled that way as if he was cherishing a hazy yet wonderful dream. "I want you to be happy, Padmé. I want to make you happy."

She almost cried, cursing her sentimentality. "You're hurt so badly, you should be resting." She stepped back, creating some distance between them.

He stared at her in confusion. "Padmé, are you all healed?"

"I'm fine, They're healing well, you're the one who needs to rest."

He checked her one more time, then dropped the subject. " I wanted to tell you. I have vacation time, several weeks, and I... I thought ... maybe I could escort you back to Naboo if you plan to return." He smiled again, a boyish grin. "If not, let me take you out, Padmé. Have you heard of MoonRiver City, on the edge of the mid-rim? I've never been, but they say the moons wrap around the main star like a glowing river..."

Sunlight poured through the glass and onto the floor, spreading out in several rays, tracing his silhouette and casting a long shadow, radiance and shadow, flickering between light and dark. His face, full of hope, full of vigor. Her eyes stung, perhaps from the intense light, or maybe because he was painting a picture of their future—not some grand, unattainable dream, but simple, reachable happiness. He wanted to take her to the lower levels of Coruscant, to explore the quirky little stores; he wanted to dive with her into the ocean to find glowing bubble fish; or they could just lie on the lawn and do nothing.

When he said that, it was as if their lives belonged to themselves, they could do whatever they wanted.

"He cares about you, Padmé, very much. Fought tooth and nail for it, and I'm afraid it's going to end up destroying him." Obi-Wan's words burrowed into her mind like a snake, coldly biting into the reality they had to face.

"Anakin..."

At her call, he stopped, a blush of embarrassment mixing with his hopeful expression. " sorry, it's too much."

She wanted to tell him, "It's okay. it's so sweet so cute, and every single thing is what I want to do with you. " But in the end, all she could say was, "I'm sorry, I can't."

He looked stunned. "I know you're busy. But I'm not going anywhere. When you have time, we can do whatever you want. I'll be with you."

Her mind was gradually becoming hazy. What could she possibly say? We're not compatible, and it's best if we don't see each other anymore; I only confessed because I thought we were going to die, and I never considered what would come; We have more important things to do than fall in love… Say it. Just say it! Where have all those thousands of reasons gone? Aren't you good at persuasion?

"I don't want to pressure you. I just..." Anakin's expression was tense yet resolute. He stepped closer, his gaze intense, never leaving her. They were so close. So close that she only needed to lean forward to nestle into his embrace. So close that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips. "Padmé, I really, truly want to be with you," he said softly and sincerely.

She gripped the edge of the desk tightly. As his hand touched her cheek, at the moment of skin-to-skin contact, she realized he was trembling too.

"You're trembling."

"You're beautiful."

His eyes were filled with devotion. He longed to kiss her, wanted to be with her, with a blatant desire etched on his face. He closed his eyes, leaning in, but she turned away, his kiss landing on her cheek, burning her skin.

"We can't do this," she said, staring at the blank wall, her resolve firm. "Anakin, we can't be together."

Silence flooded the room like a vast tide. After a while, he stepped back to a safe distance. Then, after another moment, his voice broke the stillness. "Because I'm a Jedi."

She had nothing to say.

"Please believe me, Padmé."

"Believe what?" She looked at him.

"We won't live a lie, Padmé. I... I won't hide you away." He stammered, but his expression was solemn as if making an important decision in a split second. "You know I won't give you up, no matter what the cost, even if... even if it means leaving the Jedi Order."

"Anakin, how can you say that!" She was startled, raising her voice. "You just became a Jedi Knight, you can't leave the Order."

"What am I supposed to do? Between you and the Jedi, you know I'll always choose you."

"I won't let you make that choice!" she said firmly. "You have your duties and responsibilities. I can't take them away from you. I can't be that selfish."

"I'm not a fool, Padmé. I know my duties and place, what should and shouldn't be done. I'm not afraid of war or death, but I don't want to give you up. I can't..." He paused, trying to regain some composure. "Yes, I'm a Jedi, but I'm also a person with a heart. I gave it to you long before I pledged myself to the Jedi."

"Anakin..."

Sunlight flickered across his face, casting a mosaic of light and shadow. "I truly hope I can stay in the Order and be with you. I really thought we could be happy."

she took a deep breath as if it could give her strength. "There's a war, Anakin. We have our duties. We'll be torn apart, sent to opposite ends of the galaxy, tortured by endless longing and worry. How can we be happy?" She met his pained gaze bravely. "I'm sorry, I can't be as optimistic as you. It has nothing to do with your choices, and I don't care about hiding and lying."

"Then why can't we be together?"

"Because I care about you!" she burst out,as if expelling the repressed anxiety from her body. " I care about whether you get hurt, whether you can achieve your ambitions, whether you can have a good future. I care about you, Anakin. I really do. That's why we can't be together, don't you understand? I can't bear to worry about you every moment, and the thought of you possibly not achieving your ambitions or even losing your life, because of me... It's worse than killing me."

He froze. His eyes were wide, the deep blue irises misted with a film of moisture. In the very next second, he cradled her head and kissed her—she was caught off guard, he bit her lower lip, his tongue aggressively delving in to tangle with her own. She shuddered back to her senses, instinctively kissing back fiercely and forcefully. This kiss was different from the tender sweetness of the previous two—still passionate and fervent, yet filled with a burning hunger. He let out a moan, his hands delving into her hair, entwining her strands, caressing her scalp... No one had ever kissed her like this. She felt the world spinning, a buzzing in her head, her senses seeming to be on fire, her legs weakening, almost collapsing, forcing her to clutch his Jedi robe for support. He must have sensed her weakness, his hands moving down to her back, lifting her, pressing her tightly corseted breasts firmly against his solid chest.

They kissed desperately, tongues fiercely entwined, sweeping the inner walls of each other's lips and teeth. Even when they had to catch their breath, they nibbled on each other's lips as if they wanted to devour one another. She felt hot, like her skin was being reddened and scorched by the twin suns of Tatooine, only worse now, with her back damp and itchy, and a fire seeming to ignite in her lower abdomen, longing to tear off every layer of clothing. He seemed to feel the same, tearing off his cloak as he nibbled at her lips and tongue carelessly, holding her tightly as if it could never be enough. Her hands found their way to his collar, slipping inside. The moment her fingers touched his sweaty skin, it felt like they were sparking with electricity. A choked sound escaped his throat as his hot, wet mouth began to lick her chin, and throat, and suck on the spot between her neck and collarbone, making her whimper uncontrollably. He lifted her and placed her on the desk—

Bang!

The world stopped suddenly. They both pulled away and turned toward the loud noise—a glass ornament symbolizing the friendship between Naboo and Chandrila lay on the vintage silver floor, missing a corner.

Padmé noticed their current situation before Anakin did: she was half-lying on the desk, legs wrapped around his waist, and he was still pressed against her, his chest rising and falling with his rapid heartbeat. Anakin turned to her, eyes dazed, lips red and slightly parted, breathing heavily. Suddenly, he sprang back, retreating from her space as if burned.

What had they done? Disheveled, out of breath, and trembling uncontrollably, her office desk nearly destroyed. He stood now farther from her than when they first entered, his head half-lowered, breathing unevenly, looking lost. She wasn't faring much better.

"I..."

"Don't say sorry." Anakin said firmly, staring at her."I'm not sorry for a second of what just happened, nor do I regret it."

"I don't regret it either."

He wiped his eyes with his wrist, forcing a twisted half-smile. "I just want you to be happy, Padmé."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't say that." He picked up his cloak and turned toward the door, looking back at her after a few steps, the sadness on his face was like cracked glass, shattering at the slightest touch. "If you think you'd be happier without me, then I respect that. But I want you to know...I love you."

She wanted to say, I love you too; she wanted to say, I want to be with you; she wanted to say, I'm sorry, please come back... But she couldn't utter a single word, only able to watch as the sunlight struck the shiny door, swallowing his shadow in a blaze.