"I hate this," Feliciano groaned while slowly trudging to the car.
"Well I don't love it either, but you obviously need help Feli," Lovino sighed, opening the driver's side door and settling into the seat.
"Do I? What's wrong with having fun?" Feli challenged, knowing they had had this argument before.
"We've talked about this Feli. This isn't about 'fun' it's about your drinking problem."
"'Problem' seems like a harsh word..." Feli bit his bottom lip as the car started and he stared out the window.
"It's not too harsh of a word when I'm finding empty bottles of whiskey underneath my brother's bed, or the fact that you want to go out every weekend and get completely hammered and bring home a stranger to have sex with at my house in the guest room, or when-"
"Okay. I get it," Feliciano didn't want to hear anything else about what he already knew, but didn't want to admit it to himself.
Lovino looked straight out the windshield while his brother slumped in the seat next to him. "Look Feli-" he paused for a moment, trying to formulate his next words. "This will be good for you." Feliciano didn't answer, because he was tired of arguing. The rest of the car ride was silent, up until they pulled into the town's senior center.
"Do you want me to walk you in... or-"
"No. I can go myself." Feliciano put his phone in his pocket and opened the door.
"Okay the website said the meeting is in the basement-"
Feliciano slammed the door behind him, cutting of his brother's words. He took his time getting to the building, already knowing he would be a few minutes late. He opened the door and made eye contact with the receptionist at the desk.
"Hello! Can I help you?" She asked him a little too quickly for his liking. "Are you visiting a grandparent?" she asked with a cheery smile, whilst adjusting her push up bra.
Feliciano was used to this kind of treatment. If he really wanted to, he could easily take this receptionist behind the building and tell her some story about how his grandparents had died and he comes to the senior center to help the elderly because it reminds him of when they were alive. That would definitely get her pants of in at least 5 minutes. But no, she wasn't that cute, plus he promised his brother he would go to the meeting, and a Vargas never goes back on a promise.
"Uh no. I'm actually here for the AA meeting."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, only mildly surprised. "Well that's downstairs in the basement. You're gonna go down this hallway all the way to the end, and then make a right. There will be a set of stairs behind that door. Take those to the bottom, and then the first door on your left will be what you're looking for." She continued to subconsciously adjust her cleavage and brush her hair out of her eyes.
"Thanks," he shrugged and made his way down the hall. As he walked, there were elderly men and women with walkers, some in bathrobes, and others who looked like they had no idea where they were. It was a sad existence to be put in here by your own children. He shook the thought out of his head, internally praying he would never have to be subjected to this kind of solitary confinement.
When he finally reached the door with the stairs, he followed the receptionist's instructions and slowly made his way down the cement staircase. With each step he thought about the actions that led him to this point. He didn't want to be this way, but he also didn't know what to do if he didn't drink. He knew that his brother and his wife couldn't stand him living at their house anymore, especially because she is pregnant with their first baby. He wanted to be a role model for this kid. Good ole Uncle Feli, the uncle who's cool, and fun, and has his shit together. He opened the door to the basement hallway, and saw the first door on the left open and with a bright light on. He took a deep breath before taking steps toward the door.
He turned the corner of the archway and met several eyes as he desperately wished he had just taken that girl behind the building instead. He looked for an empty chair to sit in, and only saw one in the back corner of the room.
"Oh hello," a voice came from the circle of people in the middle of the room. "Why don't you take that chair from the corner and join our circle here," he said in a friendly voice. Feliciano didn't want to look for whoever had said that, but obeyed anyway. The group stayed silent while Feliciano dragged the screeching chair from the corner and put it between two people who made space for him in the circle. When he sat down he finally met eyes with the person who spoke first.
"Welcome. I'm Ludwig. I've been sober for 10 years as of last week. You don't have to share your name with us unless you feel comfortable. This is Julie, who was just telling us about some struggles she's been having the last few days," the man motioned toward a meek looking girl on the other side of the circle who gave half of a smile. "Please continue," he encouraged her and watched intently as she did as he asked.
Feliciano wasn't listening to her story though, he was staring at Ludwig. He started from his shiny black dress shoes, and made his way to his navy dress pants. He looked up to his light blue button down that had a few undone at his collarbone. His fair skin was sculpted around the chin, and very faint stubble sprinkled at his jaw. Feliciano's eyes continued to wander to his lips, and sharp nose, only to land at his eyes, who were meeting his again. He had never seen eyes so ice blue in this life. They seemed to pierce through his soul, but there was a softness to them that he didn't expect.
"Ahem," Ludwig cleared his throat. Have you ever felt that way?" he asked Feliciano.
Feliciano blinked a few times, and noticed that all eyes in the room were on him.
"I- uhm- sorry felt how?" Feliciano asked, feeling heat rise to his cheeks from embarrassment.
Ludwig didn't seem to mind, "Julie was just confiding in us that sometimes she feels like she's alone. Have you ever felt that way?"
"Uhm. I guess so," was all that Feliciano could come up with. He wanted to smack himself for such a ill-thought-out answer.
"It's alright, I didn't mean to put you on the spot new guy. I just like to get people talking," Ludwig smiled at him, baring his straight white teeth that seemed they were from a Colgate commercial. Feliciano couldn't help but crack a smile in response.
During the rest of the meeting Feliciano actually listened to other people's stories. Some were absolutely horrifying, and others didn't sound too far from his own issues. People talked about their wanting to do better, but having a hard time when they pass the liquor store ever day on their way back from work. They talked about how their kids hate them now because of what they've become, and their trying to get on speaking terms with them. The range of stories were fascinating for Feliciano. Every once in a while he would glance in Ludwig's direction, only one time noticing that he was looking at him too. Ludwig's blonde hair fell just above his blue eyes, and he would periodically push back his hair into place.
"Thank you all for coming, and I hope to see you next Thursday," Ludwig smiled and people started to gather their things and fold up their chairs and put them against the wall. Feliciano lingered a bit as Ludwig talked to someone else from the meeting. Feliciano took out his phone and pretended to check his text messages.
Suddenly he saw a shadow loom over him and his phone. "Hey," Ludwig smiled and patted his shoulder. "Thanks for coming today. I know it's difficult the first time."
Feliciano was suddenly aware of how tall Ludwig was. He had to be at least 6 feet, which deterred him from wanting to stand up and show him his height of 5'6". "Uh yeah," he said lamely. Feliciano was usually so much better at this. He took a deep breath and stood up anyway, against his own previous thoughts. He held out his hand, "I'm Feliciano."
Ludwig took his hand and smiled perfectly yet again, "Nice to meet you Feliciano. I hope you come to the meeting next week. Maybe we can hear some of your story, no pressure of course!" he quickly added.
"I don't know... everyone else has way more... serious stuff than me," Feliciano twisted his lips to the side and looked up into Ludwig's eyes.
"It's not a competition. We're all just here to support each other," the blonde man assured him. "And if you do plan on coming next week, I strongly suggest finding a sponsor. Having a sponsor during recovery of alcoholism increases your chances of staying sober by a significant amount."
"A sponsor?"
"Yeah, someone who basically looks out for you. It's typically someone who's been sober for a long time, or at least a longer time than you. And you can check in with them during those days you don't have a meeting to go to," Ludwig explained, and brushed his hand back with this hand.
"Well... would you want to be my sponsor?" Feliciano asked, and reached out his hand and brushed Ludwig's arm.
Ludwig didn't seem to notice this unnecessary contact and grinned. "I would love to be your sponsor Feliciano! I'm so honored!" Ludwig wrapped his arms around Feliciano and nearly picked him up.
Feliciano gasped, but did not protest. Ludwig put him down and sheepishly looked down at the floor. "Sorry I just get excited about these things. I would really love to help you on your journey to sobriety."
"Great... so I guess I should get your number then right?" Feliciano asked, finally feeling like himself again. He usually could get anyone's number quickly and easily, and getting this attractive guy should be no different.
"Yes of course. I'll text myself from your phone," Ludwig explained, and Feliciano handed him his phone.
Feliciano took his phone back and looked at the phone number. "Great, so I guess I'll see you around."
"Of course. Feel free to call or text me anytime," Ludwig assured him and went to get his bag. While rummaging around in his briefcase, Feliciano couldn't help but stare at his backside. 'Wow he really is the whole package. A nice ass too,' the brunette thought to himself as he tilted his head to one side. Feliciano's phone vibrated in his hand, breaking his concentration on Ludwig's butt.
He looked down at the screen and saw a text from Lovino that read, "I'm waiting outside. Where are you?"
Feliciano quickly folded up his chair and put it back in the corner before getting one last look at Ludwig, and heading back toward the front door of the building.
Ludwig's heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. He glanced up just as Feliciano left the room and let out a huge gust of air. 'I shouldn't have done that. I really shouldn't have done that,' he scolded himself. 'Never ever ever agree to be a sponsor to someone hot,' he rolled his eyes. 'It's my only rule, and I broke it.' Ludwig grabbed his things and took one last look at the room to make sure everything was put back the way it was. 'I mean, I don't even know if he's gay. He's probably not, so who cares?' He tried to calm himself down. 'I mean- even if he was gay and you weren't his sponsor, you still couldn't date him. It's never a good idea to date someone in AA.' Ludwig kept mulling over his thoughts when he got to his car. 'It's just a recipe for disaster. I've been sober for 10 years, and I can't let some guy get in the way of that.' Ludwig got into his car and put his head on the steering wheel.
Ludwig lifted his head and watched as a green car drove away from the building. "Okay, just stop getting ahead of yourself," he said out loud this time, in the comfort of his own space. "Maybe... this is a good thing. Maybe breaking my only rule is to help me get over this rule, because I don't need it. I can be friendly with a guy I think is attractive, right? It doesn't mean we have to date, or that he's interested in me, or guys for that matter." Ludwig took a deep breath before starting his car. "I'm sure everything will be fine."
"So... how was it?" Lovino asked tentatively, hoping his brother wasn't going to blow up at him.
Feliciano couldn't help the small smile that broke out on his face, "It was... nice." Feliciano settled with that answer.
"Nice? So you liked it? You wanna go again?" Lovino pressed on, hoping for something more than 'nice.'
"Yeah... I think I'll go again. I have a sponsor now too," he added.
"Wow! Feliciano that is fantastic! I am so proud of you!" Lovino exclaimed.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Feliciano rolled his eyes, but still held a grin on his face.
"No, I'm serious Feli. We should celebrate! We could go out to eat? You, me and Bella?"
"Uh, yeah sure. I guess that would be cool," Feliciano shrugged, but internally felt a balloon of pride inflating in his chest.
Later that night, Feliciano lay in bed, feeling restless. He unlocked his phone and stared at the open text message that Ludwig had sent to himself earlier on his phone. It read, "AA". Feliciano mulled over the idea of texting him now, because he did after all say he could text him at any time. 'But is that too desperate?' he thought to himself.
He started to type, "Hey, I just realized I forgot to ask how to spell your name, so I can put it in my contacts." 'Does that sound desperate for a reason to text someone? Or does that seem reasonable?' Before pressing send he thought about other possibilities he could text someone, but then settled on that being the most subtle. After sending it he put the phone on his dresser, and looked at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 9:23. 'Shit, it's probably too late.'
His thoughts were interrupted by his text tone. 'Or not,' he thought.
"Oh sure, it's Ludwig. (We only use first names in the group to keep confidentiality. How do I spell yours? I just put you in as "F AA" haha."
Feliciano smiled to himself, 'Well, well, well, maybe it's not too late. Also pretty quick to respond. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was waiting for me to text him,' he thought.
Feliciano quickly typed, "Haha it's spelled Feliciano, but you can call me Feli." Feliciano hadn't felt like this about texting someone in a long time, maybe since high school. That giddy feeling of really liking someone and waiting on pins and needles to see what their response will be. An immediate response came through once again.
"Okay Feli," Ludwig wrote back. "Also I was thinking, maybe if you're free we could get coffee tomorrow? I'd like to get to know you a bit more, since I'll be sponsoring you."
Feliciano couldn't fight back the heat the spread throughout his body, and ran up to his face and forcibly made him smile.
"Yeah sure coffee sounds good. Where were you thinking? I know this place in town called Muddy Water, and it's pretty good if you don't have any ideas." Feliciano waited for a response with bated breath.
At that moment there was a knock on his door. The brunette shot up in bed like he was doing something wrong. "Come in!" his voice cracked.
"Hey Feli. I just wanted to tell you again how proud I am that you went to AA. That's a huge step," Lovino was standing at the door with his arms crossed. Both Bella and I were just talking about it. Even after just one meeting it seems like you're just generally… happier. I don't know, maybe it's in our heads."
Feliciano heard his phone go off, but kept eye contact with his brother. "Thanks bro, that means a lot." Feliciano smiled and looked down at the comforter. "Oh um, by the way…" Feliciano started. "I'm going to be meeting my sponsor in the morning for coffee."
"Wow, that's amazing. Just thinking of the turnaround from this morning to now, it's incredible," Lovino grinned and went to close the door. "Night."
"Night," Feli called back and went to look at his phone.
The screen read, "I've been there before, that's what I was going to suggest. See you there around 10:00?"
Feliciano felt his heart pumping out of his chest. He knew it wasn't a date per se, but it was something. However, he's had his fair share of dates with other men and women and he's never had this kind of reaction before.
"Sounds good, see you then," he replied and set the phone down on his nightstand. It was just then that he realized that he hadn't had a drink tonight. He had to admit that the thought crossed his mind when he was at the restaurant with Lovino and Bella earlier, but normally he would have had at least two glasses of whiskey by now. "Hmm... day one," he said quietly to himself as he settled down to sleep.