Chapter 87
"I made mistakes in drama. I thought drama was when actors cried. But drama is when the audience cries"
Frank Capra
Well, this is the second part of the play (and hopefully the last part, LOL).
BTW, as I mentioned earlier the whole chapter is a parody so please don't take everything seriously (especially the part about Beel and Gahn). But if u wish otherwise, then so be it.
The quotes in these chapters belong to their respective owner.
I hope this one is as good as the previous chapter, in any way possible, enjoy!
"As the resulth of the love spell, Lady Fiore is now living with Helraven in his farm near Einbroch. They are not married yeth, but they are livingth a happy life…or so it seems"
The two lovebirds are enjoying their time under an apple tree in front of Helraven's house. The weather is warm that day, so they are living the time of their live. "I've heard that in this life, nothing lasts forever, Lady Fiore. But seeing you by my side…" Helraven, with Lady Fiore comfortably leaning on his shoulder, starts being poetic, "I really hope time freezes so we can stay like this, for eternity. As long as I can feel your warmth touching me, then I would be eternally pleased"
"How fortunate of me, you share the same thought as I do" Lady Fiore looks to the shepherd with a caring smile, "However; I do not want the cruel time to ever freeze. Because then my heart, and my conscience will also stop, and that means I cannot have the sight of you in my eyes anymore. I will bear any burden in this world, anything but that"
"Vanquish that fragile worry in your mind, Lady Fiore. I'm not going anywhere" The shepherd gently strokes her hair, "I will be wherever you will be"
"No words can express my happiness of having you saying those words" Lady Fiore shows a pleased smile and picks up something she has beside her, a lunchbox, "Here, Helraven. I made this specially for you"
"A lunchbox? How thoughtful, thank you…" The dark haired man mirthfully accepts the box and opens it, "A poring steak?"
"Yes, give it a try. I'm sure you will a different sensation which you have never felt before"
"Your wish is my command" Helraven takes a bite of the steak and indeed, it gives him some different sensation which he never felt before (debatable)…
Inside Hel's mind…
Hel, in his gunslinger attire, faces Ifrit for the third time in his mind after having the taste of the infernal lunch. Pulling out his HAVOX, the gunslinger takes stance and fires at once only to find Ifrit appearing from behind and smashing him with a hard kick to his head. Nearly befriending the ground again, Hel quickly regains his balance and throws a bash with his HAVOX but it proves fruitless just as usual, it went through his target. Ifrit chokes his neck as red bright light glows from his inside. And in a second, he explodes himself using his Pyro Blast spell…
Return to the real world…
"How did it taste, Helraven?" Well, the lady is expecting good news of course. From the outside, Helraven seems fine thanks to his ability to ignore pain. But from the inside, Trojan War is ongoing. But as a gentle man, there's no way he's going to tear her pride away by saying "Your lunch tastes like Ifrit's spell", so Hel chooses some other words to describe his feeling.
"Lady Fiore, your lunch tastes like an earthquake deep in the ocean, raging my mind and blasting my inside…furiously" That's the reply.
"I see…" Lady Fiore says with a grim smile, "I'm sure that means you don't mind finishing the lunch, then?"
Hel didn't notice the grim smile, so he gently refuses as he tries to stand up, "Thank you for your offer, Lady Fiore. But, I think I'm full. Let's go back now"
Much to his surprise, Lady Fiore quickly grabs his hand and somewhat forcefully brings him down to his knees again, "I want you to eat…I want to see the box empty"
"My…your tone is kind of…" Hel begins to believe something is going wrong here, "Ordering"
"Indeed, this is an order" Lady Fiore pulls out her Balmung from out of nowhere and places its edge on Hel's neck, sending shivers down to his neck, "You will eat…or you will die, Helraven"
Defeated, the shepherd does as he was told. He slowly eats the dreaded lunch, "Spare me your explanation, but could it be that…you're still angry with me?"
"I believe I told you before Helraven, hell hath no fury over a woman's scorn" Lady Fiore leans closer to him and whispers on his hear, "This is just the beginning, shepherd. I will have you learned your lesson even more after this…and believe me, I will enjoy every second of it"
As the grim visage of Lady Fiore gets clearer Hel learns one important thing, you reap what you sow….
Meanwhile in the backstage…
Frea: Ukh, those two are having a lovey-dovey moment! This is unforgivable! Look how closely El's face with the princess after she unsheathed her sword! And El looks happy too with his smile!
Felicia: Uh…I don't think they are having a lovey-dovey moment, more like a nightmarish moment…and El isn't smiling, he is afraid of being killed…
Fenrir: Well, in case you don't know, I'm a lips reader. I can read their lips for you.
Frea: OK, read their lips!
Fenrir: Alright, here goes!
(Mind you, the lips reading below is badly executed by Fenrir, so I darkened the dialogue)
Hel: Lady Fiore, your hair and lips are so inviting today. Makes me wonder if I can stroke your hair and kiss your lips later.
Fio: Of course you can, I don't see a reason why not.
Hel: And…yours legs…I've always thinking they are beautiful. You showed them nicely with that short skirt of yours.
Fio: Special for you. Like it?
Hel: Can I…give them a touch?
Fio: You can touch the other parts too, you know…
Hel: For example?
Fio: You know what I mean…hubby.
Hel: Oh, you mean the one behind your kinky skirt?
Fio: Wow, that sounds…hot.
Hel: Ow, you want some, huh? You want some? Ew, naughty.
Fio: But, you like naughties don't you?
Hel: Naughty like you? Hell yeah! Unlike Frea, she is boring.
Fio: She is? Hmph, like I thought!
Hel: Yeah, and not to mention she's older than dinosaurs! I mean, she's like what?! Three hundred thousand or billion years old?! Unlike you! You are cuter and funnier!
Fio: Oh,
Hel: Hell yeah, we shall!
(Back to real life backstage)
Frea: Wuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! My boyfriend is a crappy two timer! She called me older than dinosaurs!
Fenrir: I told you so.
Felicia: How come the god and goddess siding with us are morons but the two gods siding with Valdomir are fearsome?
Iris: Nooooo! My Fio! My precious Fio has been violated! Now, how can she ever marry?!
Wendy: I'm bored, let's go somewhere else.
Kirigi: Where? The audience?
Wendy: Yeah, let's do that!
Ty: (Running) Help me! Someone, please help me! Stop him from chasing me!
Masuo: (Chasing after Ty) Wait for me, dear! Look at my face!
Ty: (Still running but turns his head over) You look ridiculous and stupid right now! Oh wait, you always look like that!
Gregory: Hey, Marcus! Next scene will be our turn! Prepare yourself!
Marcus: Prepare myself? Why?
Gregory: To play your role! You got the role as the king, remember?!
Marcus: I did?
Gregory: YES! Now, get going!
Marcus: Yaaaaaaaaay! Julia! Kids! Did you hear that?! I got the role as the king! I'm the king! Wohooooooooooooo!
George: Why is he celebrating? Didn't he get that role a week ago?
Gregory: I don't know, really. I'm fed up with him. I'm outta here. (Flies away to the stage)
Marcus: Hey, George! Where's Gregory? I want to tell him this good news!
George: What good news?
Marcus: I got the role as the king! I'm the king! Wohooooooooooooo!
George: Really? You did?! Oh hell yeah, congrats man!
Birds of a feather flock together after all…
And in the audience…
Eremes: Is it just me or your friend and the princess are enjoying themselves up there?
Olivia: Unquestionably.
Eremes: And they play their part nicely. It's as if they're really in love with each other.
Olivia: Well, actually…they are.
Dee: Hey, skipper. Introduce my new friend, Minhe. She's the princess student in her painting class.
Olivia: Hi!
Mikoto: Where's Emilio, dear?
Gen Ed: He's doing a good job silencing Hikari-san, I suppose.
Mikoto: Hm? What did you make him doing?
Gen Ed: A good friend of mine gave me this baby maker powder in case something happens. So, when things went out of control, I quickly gave this to both Emilio and Hikari so they would stay…busy for the time being.
Mikoto: Dear, if you make them do 'that' too much Hikari will end up pregnant, you know?
Gen Ed: I'm aware of that fact, and actually that's what I hope to happen. Emilio is 22, it's about time he starts building up for a family instead of nonsensical yet unending betting which he know he will never win.
Mikoto: I somewhat agree…do you think we will have a grandson or a granddaughter?
Gen Ed: Let's ask AOC. You hear that, right?
AOC: Cannot tell, it would be a spoiler if I tell.
Mikoto: Come on. Be generous just this once.
AOC: …alright, it's a boy.
Mikoto: You hear that? We will have another grandson!
Gen Ed: Thanks for the spoiler, AOC.
AOC: Don't mention it.
Beel: (Whispering to Gahn) Hey, do you know a gunslinger and a samurai girl are making love in an empty room in this building?
Gahn: (Rolling his eyes) Yeah?
Beel: Yeah!
Gahn: (Sarcastically) What's next, hm? We sneak inside the room and video-tape their wild make out session?
Beel: Hey, that sounds like a good idea! Let's do that!
Gahn: For sanity's sake, I'm being sarcastic you moron! Who the f**k would want to interrupt someone making out if they still have their right mind inside their f**king brain?!
Beel: Gahn…you said the F word.
Gahn: So? What the f**k?! You're going to sue me?! You got a f**king problem with that?!
Beel: Well, this story is rated T so we cannot have harsh words, got me?
Gahn: F**k the rating! Then what about all your talks about raping those two girls, huh?!
Beel: Pssh! Don't say it out loud!
Gahn: Bulls**t! I'm f**king done with you! I'm going to tell everybody in Valdomir Kingdom that their highest commanding officer is a freaking Gaylord who loves to rape little girls and tape people making out in his free time!
Beel: Hey, hey! That's bad! You cannot tell them that! Whyatwould they say?!
Gahn: For once, I think Thanatos would kill himself! Great Demon Baphomet would run away in disgust! And Ifrit would transform into his Crescendo State before killing you! And be sure, if he's not enough to kill you then I will gladly lend him a hand!
Beel: *sniff, sniff* That's cruel, Gahn. All I want is some love you know? *sniff, sniff* Now I think I'm going to cry.
Gahn: Oh, no, no, no! Don't cry! You know I cannot bear that face!
Beel: *sniff, sniff* You're cruel, those things you say were awful. *sniff, sniff* I don't want to live anymore!
Gahn: (Puts his hands on his shoulder) Come now, don't cry, OK? I'm…I'm sorry for what I said. I'm not going to tell Thanatos, Baphomet, and Ifrit. I'm not going to tell anyone. (Hugs him) I'm sorry, okay?
Beel: (Hugs him back) *sniff, sniff* I need you, man.
Gahn: Yeah, yeah, I know. Let's rape the two girls after the play is over, OK? You and me, just the two of us raping them, OK?
Beel: (Smiles) Yes, of course.
Helen: Howard, the two guys beside us are hugging each other and saying something about rape.
Howard: Probably homos.
Back to the stage…
"Meanwhileth, Irise is having an audience with King Marc, the ruler of Aldebaran"
The court of the king is a majestic court with the king sitting on his small throne accompanied by his counselor bird, McGregor. Irise steps in and kneels, "Your highness, I'm here to report to you an unpleasant news about Lady Fiore"
Without giving her a chance to finish, King Marc reacts, "Unpleasant news?! My father in law is going to perform a strip dance again?!"
"No, no! Not that!" Counselor McGregor quickly rebuffs him, "She wants to tell you about the kidnapping of Lady Fiore"
"Lady Fiore?" King Marc ghosts a recalling face, "Who's that?"
"You don't remember?!"
"No"
"She is the lady you knighted a year ago! You know, the genius swordswoman who inherited a large fortune and properties from her late parents?!"
"Oh…her…you mean the one with the somnambulism?"
"Yes…wait, why do you remember her somnambulism?"
"Well, because I also suffer from somnambulism. One night when I was walking in the street in my sleeping state, she invited me to have a tea in her house. We talked a lot before we parted" King Marc proudly tells the sleepwalkers conversation.
McGregor and Irise shake their head in unison, sharing their normal thought compared to the obvious abnormality of Marc's. "Well, I remember her now" King Marc finally turns back to Irise, "What's up with her, girl?"
"Apparently, she has been kidnapped by a young shepherd from Einbroch by using the help of a magician" Irise promptly tells the lanky king, "I'm here to ask your help bringing Lady Fiore back to her household"
"Huh? Why?" King Marc doesn't seem to understand the point at all, "If she's happy with the shepherd, then let her be with him, girl! Don't you know that love known no boundaries?"
"No, your highness! The shepherd kidnapped her!" Irise doesn't want to lose this bout, "He took her away from me…I mean, her place! She's under the effect of love spell, and she is one of your lord knights! You can't just have her go away like that!"
"Hm…I see…" King Marc turns to McGregor again, "What do you say, Gregory?"
"Hey, my name is McGregor on this play!" McGregor reminds him.
"OK, what do you say, Gregory McGregor?" The reply makes McGregor shakes his head yet again, "Should we kidnap the shepherd?"
McGregor and Irise have a stare at each other before staring back at their stupid king, "What brought you to that conclusion, your highness?"
"Well, they kidnapped our lord knight so I think we should kidnap one of them to make everything's even!" King Marc happily tells the other two, "What about it? I'll contact some of my soldiers to kidnap him ASAP if you agree, girl"
"Marcus…" McGregor breaks kayfabe and slowly whispers to the idiot, "That line was not in the script. You should have said other line. Repeat after me, OK? Otherwise you would confuse Iris even more"
"Oh, sorry…" King Marc leans closer to the counselor, "What line should I say?"
"OK, here's the line…" Just when McGregor is about to deliver the line, Masuo and Ty emerge from behind the stage before crashing to King Marc, stampeding on top of him.
Masuo: Come here, love! I want to share my compassion with you!
Ty: If I can get my hands at Ecclesia I will let you know how I share my compassion with Satan Morroc!
Masuo: Ty, if I can get my hands at you I promise I will never let go! You're my star in the darkest of night, my shred of light in the bottom of abyss! I want to be the one on your side when we are walking down the aisle!
Ty: I want to be the one staring down at your casket when the undertakers bury you six feet under!
Luckily, Ty runs toward the backstage again making Masuo gladly follows him. King Marc, however, is in no condition to act properly (no pun intended) after being stomped by the two.
"Marcus, Marcus! Are you ok?" McGregor, yet again breaking his kayfabe, runs to his partner, "Say something, Marcus! You're too stupid to die! Please, say something!"
"Ukh…I…I…" King Marc slowly starting to speak, he is too weak to say anything because of the damage inflicted on him. Irise hurries herself to help him stand, impatient of what his decision might be.
"Listen to me, Marcus! The play cannot stop now! You cannot die now! You can die after the play is over, but not now!" McGregor 'encourages' King Marc, "Repeat after me! This is the line you should have said!"
"OK…" King Marc weakly responds, "Go…on..."
"I agree with your idea, lady. They kidnapped out lord knight, so that means they want to wage war against us. I hereby declare we are in the stage of war against Einbroch until they surrender and give us our lord knight back!" The counselor executed a very well done job, "Now, repeat after me!"
"I…I…" King Marc almost loses all his breath just by saying two letters, "I…want….to go to the toilet…please…"
The audience cannot hold their laugh anymore. The crowd goes bananas with their hoots, thinking this is some kind of an improvisation joke by Marcus. But McGregor and Irise, knowing this is definitely not a joke, put their hands on their face to cover their embarrassment.
"That's not it!" Irise, finally losing her patience, screams at the lanky king, "What kind of stupid king are you?! You better repeat what McGregor just said or I'll beat the crap out of you, right now!"
"I…I…hereby" Afraid of what might happen to him, Marc tries again, "Declare…you…men and wife…you may kiss the bride…"
The crowd laughs again, adding more embarrassment for Irise and McGregor. Thing is going so wrong with Marcus in charge. And needles to be stated, both Irise and McGregor have had enough of this crap.
"You know what, Irise? I think we should go backstage and find another king rather than this idiot" McGregor leaves the stupid king to succumb on his own peril and goes for a talk with Irise.
"I agree, counselor. But, who are we going to choose?" Considering the lack of the cast, it's actually quite reasonable question from Irise, "Besides, do we really have anyone to replace Cedric The Entertainer…I mean, King Marc to begin with?"
"I can playth the role of the kingth!" Fenrir suddenly speaks from…wherever he speaks, "We can have Hugo replacingth me as the narrator!"
"Hm, that sounds like a good idea. I'm agree if you fine with it, Irise"
"I agree, counselor. Anyone would be better than Rowan Atkinson…I mean, King Marc" Irise looks up above the stage, making the audience believe Fenrir is actually somewhere above them, "So, King Fenrir…what do we do now? Are you going to announce a war against Einbroch?"
"Thee are right. I hereby declare we are on a state of war with Einbrochth" Now, isn't that easy, Marcus? "Now, I shall introduce thee to my three warriors who will lead thy armies in this battleth! First, Felicius"
The mentioned paladin makes her way to the stage and slightly bows her head, greeting both McGregor and Irise politely. The two reply by doing the exact same thing. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Felicius, I believe I've met Counselor McGregor before" Now, that's what an educated civilized lady would say, "And miss, I'm sure you are Irise, Lady Fiore's head maid?"
"Uh, yes. It's a pleasure to meet you too, Lady Felicius" The head maid arranges a proper word of her own to respond the question, "Wow, she's a really polite woman! And she's got nice cracks too! Ow, if only Lady Fiore got half of Lady Felicius got…"
"The second to be introducedth is…" Fenrir puts a halfhearted attempt announcing the second name, "The second biggest idiot in Rune Midgardth! The dummy! The brainless…Geeeeeeeeeeeeorgeus!"
"What?! My name is Georgeus in this play?! That's like sooooo lame!" Georgeus comes out and directly acts his part brilliantly (although maybe he didn't realize it at all), "And what's with this commotion, Felicia?! What are the kafra girl and Gregory doing here?! That's like soooo weird!"
Foolishly, George blew all their roles and kayfabes in less than thirty seconds. But, hey, what to expect? He's second only to Marcus!
"Uh, Georgeus" Felicius quickly approaches the dummy, remaining calm. She glanced to the audience before and she could swear she saw Olivia and her entire gang laughing their asses off seeing George's stupidity, "Don't break yours and our kayfabe! That wasn't funny at all!"
However, Felicius quickly face palmed herself after she heard the reply, "I don't get what you said at all, Felicia! That's like soooo weird!"
"That's the second knight for you allth! Now, for the third warrior…" Fenrir clears his throat and proceeds to continue, "She is known as The Scavenger of The Damnth! The Blood Countess! The Iron Maiden! She is the former goddess from Asgard….Freeeeeeeeeeyja!"
And here comes, the angry Yandere Soul Linker with an eerie face. Her mere presence is more than enough to shiver the other casts and nearly the entire audience. "I will make things clear for y'all, so I want y'all to listen, dig?" Frea shows Elraven's photograph from her pocket, "This two timer prick is our main objective in this war! I order y'all to capture him alive by any means necessary, dig?! I want you to bring him to me so I can cut his **** with a potato cutter before cutting his ***** with a rusty knife! And then I will mutilate him slowly from the **** to the ****, before proceeding to *** him! If y'all fail to accomplish this mission I gave you, y'all will feel the same as experience as he would, dig?!"
"Uh…yes, but can I ask you one question, Lady Freyja?" Irise touches a sensitive subject, "What about Lady Fiore? We can bring her back here safe and sound, right?"
"The princess?! Although that little girl kept flirting with the prick, I would let her go…in one condition!" Freyja raises her index finger to the air, "I will have the chance to do a pregnancy test on her!"
"Uh…why?" Even Felicia doesn't get her point.
"Of course to find out whether she is bearing his baby on her womb or not!" The soul linker looks at the startled Felicia with an angry glare. She's damn serious!
"If…she isn't pregnant?" The paladin carries the conversation unwillingly.
"She's free to go, unquestionably"
"If…she is pregnant?"
"Then, I will make sure the baby will be labored fatherless" Freyja evilly grins and eerily starting to chuckle, "And rest assured I will also make sure the mother spend the rest of her life in the bottomless abyss of the lowest underground prison in Rune Midgard…she can take her baby with her if she wants"
"OK…that's like soooo creepy…" Georgeus mutters to himself after seeing none of his companions dare to react to Freyja.
And with that, the war begins.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Hugo, your new narrator for the play. From now on I'll do the narrating because the original narrator is still exhausted after a…job. So, I'll narrate the story now: Meanwhile, The Military of Einbroch are entering the matter of Helraven"
"Captain Emilius, are you there?" Martinasius, Ropera Squad Captain's adjutant, knocks the door of Emilius' room. She's been knocking the door several times but Emilius didn't give her a reply, "For God's sake, what is he doing inside? I thought the make out session ended fifteen minutes ago?"
Martinasius knocks the door again twice before Emilius finally opens it, "Yeah, yeah! Don't need to knock the door like that! I'm not deaf!"
"Well…" Martinasius frowns seeing her captain, "Your clothes are…flogged, but since I know what you have been doing I wouldn't say anything"
"You don't have to be that cold about it" Emilius grumbles, "Come in"
The female gunslinger wasting no time getting inside and take a good seat. Searching some files on her report, she gives several papers to Emilius for him to read. "What?! Helraven brought a lord knight from Aldebaran here?!" Emilius glances back and forth at the paper and Martinasius, "What is he trying to do?! Finding a consort to make his life better?!"
"That's actually pretty reasonable, Captain. At least compared to keep doing useless bets with zero chance to win"
"Hey, the bets didn't have zero chance to win! I was just unlucky, that's all!"
"Does that mean you've been unlucky for fifteen years?"
"Yes" Somewhat stupid, eh?
Either way, after finish reading the reports completely Emilius bemoans the fact basing the war announcement, "Aldebaran is mad at us because of a lord knight?! How ridiculous! Didn't they get too much knights by all means?!"
"Well, to them this is a matter of honor. Losing one knight feels like being bitch slapped to the face"
"Meh, I've been losing the bets all my life and I'm still fine with it"
"Well, you're a born loser. They're different from you" Martinasius slowly grumbles to herself. She is sick of her captain's glory hog trait.
"What?! Don't say it so bold like that! Aren't you my underling?!"
"Are you really a loser?"
"Stop it! I'm not a loser!"
"Yes, you are!"
"No, I'm not!"
"You are!"
"I'm not!"
"Are!"
"Not!"
"Are!"
"Not!"
"Not!"
"Are!...hey, wait! You tricked me!" Not so smart for a captain, huh?
"Well, you shouldn't be! That's why I said you're a born loser, captain!" Martinasius takes out all her anger to the captain, "You kept betting, betting, and betting but you never won! And perhaps you will never win! And after your lackluster performance you would somehow find a way to make up for your losses in the account of your own squad! You're a disgrace! Because of you our wages' have been cut more than half lately! I hope you will never win against Gen Ed until the end of times! Rot in hell!"
Not even a single man makes any kind of sounds after listening to Martinasius. Not the backstage, the audience, or Emilius.
"Uh…that was not in the script…" Emilius tries to break the ice, "Are…you calmed down, now?"
"….yes" Martinasius huffs.
"O….K, I'll call my father now to discuss what would we do regarding this matter, alright?"
"Up yours…"
"Fine…" Emilius picks his talkie and begins the conversation with our guest star, Gen Ed;
GE: Hm? Hello?
Em: Dad, you ****! How dare you give me the baby maker powder again?! Don't you know what would come out of your **** plan?!
GE: Calm down, boy. It's not like it was a bad thing, wasn't it? Tell me, how was she?
Em: Like hell I will ever tell you!
GE: That's fine with me. What do you have to say about the Helraven problems?
Em: Don't change the subject!
GE: I didn't. This is simply what the script said. We need to take priority here now, don't we?
Em: Ukh! OK, but we're still going to talk about this later!
GE: Fine.
Em: Anyway, what do I have to do with Helraven?! He's been troubling us with his girlfriend!
GE: I suggest you to go to his house and help him. Aldebaran waged the war first after all.
Em: Why would we battle a war just because of one man?!
GE?: What? You're afraid?
Em: I'm not! This is just a concern!
GE?: You're chickening out? That's not like you
Em: I'm chickening out?! No way! I'm not!
GE?: Chicken…chicken…chicken….
Em: I'm not chickening out!
GE?: Poor chicken, it must be hard to live with that chicken heart and thought, huh?
Em: Stop it! I'm not a chicken!
GE?: Cook-a-doodle-doo! Cook, cook, cook! Chicken!
Em: OK, you know what?! I'm going there! I'm going to help Helraevn so you will swallow every word you just said back!
And then Emilio closes the line.
"What's wrong, captain? You sounded angry"
"No sweat! I feel challenged, that's all!"
"So what are we going to do about him, captain? We're low on soldiers because almost all of them are having vacation so we cannot afford waging war against Aldebaran only because of one man" Martinasius reminds him.
"Yes, but my father challenge…I mean, insists on helping him because he's supposed to be my best friend in real life. So…" Emilius whispers to Martinasius. A lie, obviously, "I'll help him if he can give me a good offer"
"What offer?"
"Any kind of offer, that's why we'll go to his house now. And please tell Clydius & Sashius to prepare themselves commanding the soldiers in case we really going to get ourselves some war"
At the backstage…
Marcus:…uh? Hey, where is everybody? Why am I being left alone here?
(No answer)
Marcus: Hello? Anybody? What happened?
(Still, no answer)
Marcus: Ok, fine! You want to leave me out of the fun, huh?! You think I'm going to cry because of that?!
(As usual, no answer)
Marcus: Guys? I swear I'm going to cry if none of you answering!
(Well, the others are already on the stage…so of course, there's no answer)
Marcus: Wuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I'm being left alone! Wuaaaaaaaah!
At the audience…
Mikoto: Dear, what happened to your talkie? The line got cut.
Gen Ed: I'm afraid I don't know the cause of it. Looks like someone jammed my signal right after I said "Aldebaran waged war the first after all" line.
Olivia: How was it guys? You got the line cut and jammed?
Dee: Yes, skipper. And Joe did a classy work faking the general's voice.
Eremes: I gotta admit the faking was first class. Thanks for your idea, Minhe. The children were entertained.
Minhe: No problemo! Consider this as my good will for the friendship!
Beel: (Still cudling with Gahn) You know what, Gahn? I feel like this world belongs to us two.
Gahn: Yeah, I kinda feel like that too.
Beel: Say…how do you think we're going to rape those two girls after this?
Gahn: How bout we get one or two more guys to come with us?
Beel: Ew, you're kinky.
Gahn: Now, now, Beel…kinky is a naughty word.
Beel: But you like naughty things, don'cha?
Gahn: You knew me very well.
Beel: I always did.
Gahn: That's slutty.
Beel: Very naughty.
AOC: One more word outta ya and I'll man-bitch slap the both of you!
Helen: Howard, the three guys beside us are talking about slut and man-bitch.
Howard: Pretend you don't hear 'em.
"Quickly afterwards, the two gunslingers arrive on the shepherd's house"
"Helraven, are you inside? Open the door, man" Emilius says after knocking the door several times but no one answered. It's still daylight, so what he is doing not answering the door is kinda debatable, "What is he doing? He didn't open the door at all! Is he banging the princess?!"
"Captain, he wouldn't bang anyone in a daylight" Martina quickly disputes the accusation, "If he is banging someone inside, we would already hear noises from the house"
"Yeah…yes, that's right" Emilio grins, "You girls just cannot keep it quiet, huh?"
Martina only rolling her eyes as her respond; please understand around 25 minutes ago Emilio and Hikari were just done helping the younger generations increasing their numbers. Suddenly, the door opens and Helraven shows himself.
"Emilio, you f*cking bastard! I'm gonna kill you!" The shepherd snaps out in a blink of an eye and chokes Emilio with all his might, "You sick lowlife piece of humanity! How could you change the script and put me in a living hell with those freaking stupid dialogues?!"
"Wait…wait…" Emilius grabs Hel's hand and tries to free himself but Hel's hand is too strong. He glances at Martinasius for help but the female gunslinger doesn't do anything but watching the scene with smile. This is amusing for her.
"Do you know what I've been through?! Everyday Lady Fiore tortured me like there was no tomorrow! And it was all your fault!" The choke just gotten harder and harder, "I will make you pay, Emilio! I will make you pay with every inch of flesh in you! I'm going to kill you!"
When Emilius is about to die, an ordering eerie voice resounds from Hel's behind, "Helraven, let him go at once"
Amazingly the enraged Helraven puts a scared face and quickly let go of Emilio, giving the Ropera Squad captain some chance to gasp for breath.
"Kneel" The owner of the voice, Lady Fiore, orders the shepherd and he quickly does as he was told, "What did I tell you about welcoming our guests, Helraven?"
"We should treat them with respect and gentleness, mistress" Helraven speaks like a real live slave, "And we should honor them"
"Good, now do you think choking our guest was gentle?"
"No…no, mistress"
"Do you know that means another punishment is waiting for you?"
"But…but, mistress…I can explain this one, please..."
"Silence! I'm fed up with your blabbing! Get inside and shoot yourself in the head once!" The two gunslingers are surprised once again when Hel rushes inside right after Lady Fiore commanded him. In less than ten seconds, they could hear a "bang" from inside the house. Turning her attention to the two gunslingers, the lord knight politely welcomes them, "Welcome, sir and mam. I think having a conversation while standing like this is a bit uncomfortable, yes? How about we take a seat inside so we can talk in more proper manner?"
"Uh, yes…that would be nice" Emilius answers as he and Martinasius quickly take a seat. This lord knight is too mighty to be handled.
"So, what kind of need brought you here?" The lord knight politely opens the conversation.
"Uh, actually…this matter is regarding your…presence here" Emilius is a bit afraid of telling after he witnessed the violent earlier, but he sticks with it anyway, "Aldebaran was reported to declared war against us because they believed you were kidnapped by Helraven"
"Hm, that's not entirely true. I came here by my own, so I don't think a war is necessary"
"Yes, but…their troopers are already here. And if we don't commence war, they will call our country chicken"
"I see your point" Lady Fiore smiles, "You want me to go back to Aldebaran because you want to avoid the war, right?"
"Precisely" Emilius doesn't feel the need to conceal the true motive any longer, "But of course, the choice is yours"
"Alright…it's not like I don't appreciate you leaving the choice up to me, but can I ask you why?"
"Because…uh…." Emilius leans closer to Martinasius and whispers, "What was my line on the script again?"
"How do I know? I didn't read your part"
"What am I supposed to do then?!"
"Make up a dialogue by yourself, isn't that easy?"
"Well…ok" Emilius thinks for several seconds to make up a dialogue of his own. The other two dames patiently wait till he's ready, "Lady Fiore, I leave the decision to you because my father challeng…I mean, encourage me to take up the military into the new heights and level by the possible war of your account. So, if you decide to stay here with Helraven, we will fight by your side to the end"
Wow, that's awesome, captain! Way to go!
"Well, since I wouldn't want to miss any chance of making Helraven's life a living hell…" Lady Fiore displays another eerie evil smile, "I'll stay"
"The reason is a bit eerie, but that's acceptable and reasonable" Emilius says to himself before agreeing, "Alright, then. We would lend every help possible to keep your stay here. Welcome to Einbroch, Lady Fiore"
"With everything settled and decided, the two sides are about to collide"
Everyone is ready for the long awaited showdown. Aldebaran with their knights and Irise against Einbroch with their gunslingers and Lady Fiore.
Irise: Lady Fiore, come back here with me…I mean with us!
Fio: I'm sorry, Irise. But I don't want to miss any chance torturing Helraven.
Hel: Someone, please help me! I don't want to be killed! Please help me outta here!
Fio: Quiet, you.
Hel: Yes…yes, mistress.
Freyja: Wuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Elraven, you're a two timer! I hate you, I hate you! After this play is over, I'm going to kill you!
Hel: Oh, my god! I'm being killed now and later I will be killed again?! This is all Emilio's fault!
Emilius: Hey, I'm helping you right now! You shouldn't bemoan your bad luck again and again!
Georgeus: Wahahahahahaha! That's like soooooo funny!
Felicius: Georgeus, would you shut up for a moment?
Georgeus: Why?! That's like soooo lame!
Felicius: Just do what I said! And stop with yours "Sooo lame or soo weird!"! That's like sooo stupid!
Georgeus: Hey, you said it too!
Felicius: Huh?! Oh, right…
Martinasius: Is it just me or this battle seems pointless?
Fenrir: Hear ye! Hear ye, people of Einbroch! We demand thee to quietly surrender ourth lord knight right at this moment! Ye do otherwise, we will commenceth battle!
Emilius: Sorry, loser! But we don't feel like giving up at all!
Fenrir: Don't get carriedth away, thy! Thy don't have no idea what powerth we possess!
Emilius: Meh, who gives a crap about that?!
Fenrir: How insolenth! Thee are just a mere humanth!
Emilius: Tsk, it's not like you're having your own body either, you fool!
Fenrir: Watch yourth mouth, human! You 8tgtd6g87&%($%^^*snoortsnoortgrook!
Emilius: What?! You f***ing %$^*F$*I&GF(_**^)OGYO*&^^%^snoortsnoortgrook!
Fenrir: Fine, if that's what ye want I shall commence attackth! Soldiers, ataaaaaaaaackth!
Emilius: Gunslingers, attaaaaaaaaaaack!
"Once the battle is commenced, both sides launched their best soldiers. The battle was fierce, violent, hard, lame, boring, crap…wait, I mean cool, awesome, amazing, long, and so on and so on! The battle lasted by days, weeks, months, and years. And without anyone even realizing it, this lasted for ten years long"
"Ten years?!" Helraven shouts to Hugo, "Are you sure, Hugo?"
"Yes, vice-captain. The script says so"
"That means, I'm 31 in this storyline?!"
"Apparently so, vice-captain"
"Ukh…I don't like where this story is going…"
"Either way, I'll continue. After ten years long of battle, only several people remain in the battlefield from both sides. And they are preparing to end this war once and for all"
Felicius: This is tiring…now, I'm 32 and it's been ten long fucking years of war!
Georgeus: Aaw, when will the war stop?! This is like sooooo long!
Freyja: Shut up! The war won't stop till I get my hands on Elraven!
Irise: Me too! I'm not going to stop the provocation…I mean, supporting till I get my hands on Lady Fiore!
Fenrir: Me too! Afterth the insult he gaveth me, I shall continue battling!
Georgeus: Talk big, you a**hole! You're using my body to do your battles!
Martinasius: Captain, can we stop this war?! It's been ten long ass years!
Emilius: This war won't stop till they withdraw from here!
Lady Fiore: If that is the case, I think we should go out there by ourselves and finish them off. This war has been going on too long.
As the fighters march to the battlefield, Helraven prays to God.
Helraven: God, I know I'm not much of a prayer, but I can really use a little attention here. If Einbroch wins the war, Lady Fiore will torture me to death. If Aldebaran wins the war, Freyja will torture me to death! Please, can u do something so none of them would win this war?! I'm begging you!
"And so, the battle finally reaches the final stage as the remaining fighters gather and stare at their enemies face to face"
Felicius: ….
Fenrir: Emilius, you arth #%^^%^%*&YHUF%&*&^&76snoortsnoortgrook!
Emilius: Fenrir, you are the lowlife piece of *^&^&O*&*$^&DE!
Georgeus: Let this be the end of all and all! Wow, that line was like soooo cool!
Irise: Lady Fiore, I'll definitely bring you back here!
Fio: Thanks for the concern, Irise. But you don't need to do that.
Freyja: Princess, what have you done with Elraven?! Did he impregnate you?!
Fio: Ew, kinky. You want to know that much? Should I give you the details?
Freyja: Noooooooooooo! I won't forgive you!
And then, they rush toward their enemy with their weapons in the air. As they about to clash, a force of nature suddenly emerges from the backstage…in the form of Masuo still chasing Ty.
Masuo: Come, my love! I will let you feel your warm bosom!
Ty: Your warm bosom?! You mean your dreaded bosom?! Are you sure your bosom isn't poisoned by a toxic?! Just looking at it from a mile distance would make me throw up!
Thanks to him not noticing, Ty hits Felicia…resulting on both of them down to the floor.
Felicus: OW! Watch where you're running, Ty!
Ty: I'm so sorry! This is because a Stegomastodon is chasing me from behind!
Emilius: That was the stupidest thing I've ever heard! That's it, I'm done! I'm outta here!
Martinasius: Me too…
Georgeus: I'm calling it a day! I'm like soooo tired!
Fenrir: Waith! Where are thee going?! The battle isn't over yet!
Georgeus: I don't give a rat's ass about the battle anymore!
And, that leaves Freyja, Irise, Fio, and Hel on the stage.
"Let's settle this once and for all now" Freyja looks at Hel, "Tell me, Elraven. Who do you pick between me & her? I want to hear it loud and clear"
"Pick her! Pick her!" Irise wholeheartedly points at Freyja.
Lady Fiore looks at Hel with a colorless stare, not hoping anything from the insensitive man. Perhaps, she hoped too much for him in the first place.
Hel knows what she hints, she wants a clarification. And since this is all part of the script (at least to the insensitive man), "Lady Fiore"
Freyja gasps seeing Hel chooses the lord knight. Unknown to her, Irise also gasps realizing her chance is now lost. BTW, Fenrir is laughing his ass off backstage.
"Seeing you…looking at me like that inflicts pain inside my heart" Hel confesses his deepest feelings (due to the script, of course), "I know, I'm not the best of man out there. I'm not the best looking man on earth. I'm not the friendliest person on the planet. Everyone dead and alive know that I'm insensitive….and I've hurt you so many times I'm unable to count. I disappointed you more than I made you happy. And I even tried to earn your heart through a spell…I'm such a lowlife. I'm aware of that fact….but…"
"But?" The lord knight slowly speaks up, still putting the uncaring face on herself.
"But my feelings for you…my dream of you, they are all genuine. They come from the bottom of my heart. They represent what I truly feel about you. I do not want your fortune or your power, I want you…as a whole, as a person, as Lady Fiore herself. Call me a liar, but I love you" This gotta be the second genuine confession in this story after Eremes-Olivia, "I love you, Lady Fiore. I love you; I want to be with you"
"By now, Freyja and Irise begin to collapse"
(If this isn't a parody play, I would have written how Fio feels completely. But, we'll save that from another occasion, OK?)
Regardless, her heart is starting to beat. If she doesn't have good control over herself her face would be redder than it's already visible now. She knew this is just an act, a play, but the lord knight couldn't help it. If only this is all were the truth then she would be the happiest woman alive. Hiding her red face by not looking at Hel entirely, she replies, "I…see, so that is how you truly feel about me. I'm…I'm not one to refuse anyone's feeling completely…so, if you can prove your love more than you just did with your words, then…I shall show you my feelings"
"By now, Freyja and Irise are losing their breathes"
"You want me to prove my feelings?"
"By now, Freyja and Irise are slowly falling to the floor"
"Unquestionably"
"By now, Freyja and Irise have already lost their consciousness"
"Then…I will…"
"By now, Freyja and Irise are in critical condition and will die if they don't get a proper help"
"Hey, Hugo! Can you stop that narrating of yours?! I'm trying to make things up with Lady Fiore here!"
"Oh, right! Sure, sure! My bad, I'll take them right away!"
"You will, what? Don't do it half-assed"
"Ok, I will…"
"Hm?"
"I will marry you"
"Wuooooooooooooooooooooow!" The audience escapes other hoots and catcalls after Lady Fiore named her condition.
At the backstage…
George: Marriage? Between Fio and El? If this were to happen in real life, then El would be the new King of Prontera!
Felicia: No hard feeling, OK? I don't mind El marrying Fio in real life, but I don't want to have an insensitive king. Rune Midgard would dive directly to its demise with El as the king.
George: Don't say that! It would be fun having him as a king!
Felicia: Why so?
George: For a start he will…uh…he will….you know…uh…
Felicia: See? The demise starts now…with George's brain
Fenrir: Frea? Iris? Wake up! You cannot keep fainting in the floor! I told you he would dump you someday!
Martina: So how are you going to face Hikari-sama, captain?
Emilio: With a proud face!
Martina: You're proud after knocking her up?!
Emilio: That's not it!
Clyde: Hey, come to think of it…I don't have any roles at all in the play. This is all AOC's fault, I'm going to kick his ass!
Gregory: Huh? Where's Marcus? Didn't we leave him here before? Well, I hope he doesn't do anything foolish…but then again, he's Marcus.
At the audience…
Gen Ed: Ah, the play will finally end.
Mikoto: I wonder how the ending will be.
Minhe: Hey, Elraven will marry the princess!
Olivia: Yes, too bad it's only in the play.
Minhe: No! They will marry for real in real life!
Olivia: How do you know that?
Minhe: Ask AOC! Right, AOC?
AOC: No, no. I cannot give you a spoiler. This one thing is the most important of all spoiler cause it will tell you how the story ends. I'm not going to give this one.
Minhe: Cheapskate!
AOC: Whatever.
Clyde: AOC?
AOC: Yes?
Clyde: I'm going to kick your ass.
AOC: What?! Why?
Clyde: Cause you didn't give me even a single role in the play. And you also didn't give Sasha and Vanessa a single role in the play.
AOC: Ah, buzz off!
"And finally, the marriage!"
The promised day has come at last! And with Marcus in the altar and Fio & El on the aisle, Marcus proudly starts, "It's never an easy thing, saying goodbye to a brother firefighter, it's not. And this time, particularly is difficult for me because I watched Jack grow into a, well, into one of the finest firefighters I've ever known. He joined this department because he wanted to help people, who knows how many homes are still standing because Jack was there or how many lives were spared. He gave his life for that cause. We'll never forget you Jack. And we're better for having known you. But I make you this one promise, tomorrow when that bell rings, we will be back on the truck, because you were the bravest of the brave. People are always asking me, how is it that firefighters run into a burning building when everyone else is running out? Well, Jack, you answered that question by saving another man's life. Your courage is the answer. And today we will be as brave as you, by not mourning you, but by celebrating your life. So I'd like everyone to stand up and celebrate the life of Jack Morrison"
"Uh…Marcus?" Hel reminds the stupid sniper, "This isn't Ladder 4*, you know? You want us to get sued?"
"I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" Marcus replies again.
"Marcus…this ain't Dirty H*rry!"
"No, I won't abandon hate. If I do, nothing would be left on me"
"Hey, that's from Kuroshitsuj*! You will make us get sued!"
"Sometime last night... I was all alone in my room... when suddenly, outta nowhere... The smell of a fart that wasn't mine wafted into my nose"
"Stop copying dialogues! That's from Azumanga D*ioh!" El loses his patience and snaps, "Now, get back to your real job!"
"…alright" Now, the serious part, "Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. How sweet is the assurance, how comforting is the peace that comes from the knowledge that if you marry right and live right, your relationship will continue, notwithstanding the certainty of death and the passage of time. There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends. By the power vested upon me, I hereby pronounce you man and wife"
"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" The audience hoots after Marcus finished his job. Hel looks at Fio with a very happy face, although Fio reminds him, "I…I...only do this because this is part of the play, OK?! I still haven't forgiven you just yet!"
"Fine" Hel answers with a smile, "I'll content with that"
Well, the trouble isn't over yet because Olivia yells from the audience, "Hey pope, you forgot the magic words!"
"Oh, yeah!" Marcus remembers, "El, you may kiss the bride"
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!" El & Fio shout in unison to themselves, "We have to kiss in front of these people?!"
To make it worse, the audience starts demanding,
Olivia: Kiss the bride!
Eremes: Do it like a man!
Dee: Kiss her gently, dude!
Minhe: Just kiss her already!
Billy: What are you?! A sissy?!
Jenna: You misogynist! Kiss her!
Kid: Get to the choppaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Ann: Make her night!
Joe: Kiss her, ya fool!
Beel: Deeper! Deeper!
Gahn: ****! ****!
Gen Ed: Don't bite her lips.
Mikoto: Return the kiss, lady!
Helen: Kiss her, sir!
Howard: Do her after!
Edward: We want more! We want more!
Dana: Make her succumb!
The audience and their demand cannot be contained any longer. Even the guys in the backstage are anxious to see this:
Fel: Kiss her, El!
George: Give her a great kiss!
Fenrir: Kiss her so I can be with Frea…I mean, just kiss her already!
Gregory: Hoo boy, here we go.
Emilius: I bet 500,000 zenny El won't kiss her!
Felicius: I bet 500,000 zenny El won't kiss you!
What about the two's inside?
El: Kiss her?! I have to kiss her?! What should I do? She will kill me if I did!
Fio: OMG, this would be my first! What should I do?!
With all the hype and heat, Fio tries to hold her blush (with all her might) and tells El, "El…I…do this not because I want to…but, because the audience demands it…so….if you would you can…you know what"
Too bad, she's talking to the most insensitive man on Midgard. And he takes that as a "Yes, just kiss me because I wouldn't be mad at you!"
Without waiting for anything anymore, El gently grabs both her shoulder and pulls her closer to him. His fingers grabs her chin and tilts her head up to face him. His lips were inches from her own and her breathing stopped completely when she feels it, he gently pressing his lips to hers. In that very moment, everyone attending holds their breath and gasps in happiness. Fio's golden eyes feel like trying to pluck themselves out from her eyes, he is kissing her really gently (and really good, if I might add). Nonetheless, she accepts the kiss willingly and returns it. And from that moment on, their kiss turned passionate; her lips started moving along with his lips.
"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! He really did it! Good job!" The audience and the backstage go bananas seeing the passionate kiss; the play is a big success and the ending perfected it. Unnoticed by many, although the gunslinger and the lord knight knew this is only a play and after this they might live like nothing happened, something grew inside them both.
Especially within the lovesick lord knight; because while enjoying her moment, she prays inside her heart, "I didn't let go for once, afraid to end it, because if I ever had a chance to get one wish, I'd pray this moment would just last a little longer-more like, forever 'cause I know that he loves me and I love him. That's all that mattered. This dream…even if this is just a dream please let me treasure it a little longer. Please…just a bit longer…"
And with that, the play finally ends as the curtain closes.
AOC: Well, the play finally ends! Thank you for reading the story, next omake we will have the entire cast as our guests! So, please send me your questions just like always! And for ElxFio fans…did I please you? Sorry if I didn't, but this chapter is supposed to be a comedy chapter so if I turned it serious then it would be lame. They will get their moment another time, just like always! Either way, thank you for R&R…c u next chappy!
And this is the list of the entire casts (not in particular order):
El…Hel (Yea…)
Fio…Lady Fiore, mistress (who else?)
Iris…Irise (lezzbo)
George…Georgeus (Don't mistake him with Clint Eastwood)
Felicia…Felicius (Not to be mistaken with Jenna Jameson)
Thompson…Thomsonius' twin
Thomson…Thompsonius' twin
Fenrir…Magic mirror, narrator 2, king
Frea…well, Freyja.
Gen Ed…himself
Mikoto…herself
Olivia…Audience 1
Eremes Audience 2
Minhe…Audience 3
Assassin Guild…Audience 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10
Helen…maybe herself
Howard….supposedly himself
Edward…apparently, himself
Dana…luckily, herself
Marcus…King Marc, reverend moron, idiot 1, idiot 2, idiot 3, idiot 4, and moron 1
Gregory…McGregor of course!
Hikari…Narrator 1.
Hugo…narrator 3.
Ty…Tyraellius, perverted man…wait, that's himself.
Masuo….okama.
Emilius…traitor 1, glory hog 1, glory hog 2, bastard 1, and asshole 2.
Martinasius…gunslinger 1?
Clyde…himself? Who knows!?
AOC…myself!
Catcalls, hoots, laughter.