Desperation and despair are the only things she feels right now as Hanna sits under the cool white lights of the library. To other she might not be staring at anything, but for Hanna it's like staring into the dark and endless abyss. The cold feeling of the void is still ever present, but it has lessened compared to a month ago and the flares have ceased for now. Even so, she hated what had happened so could feel this small remission. She had hoped that sitting in this wretched building would calm her down and clear her head like it usually would, but it seems like whatever helped previously has stopped working. Well, not really stopped working, but it's not as effective as in the past.

Things started to spiral down in the beginning of autumn. She tried to ignore the cold and spikes when it first started. It's not like she couldn't handle a bit of coldness and the uptick with the flares, but little by little it got worse over the autumn months like some screwed up cosmic Chinese water torture. When autumn turned to winter, her condition picked up its pace like an orchestra reaching its crescendo. Those months felt like purgatory. It was so hard for her to think straight, as if cotton filled her head and there was the 'noise', that unending static 'noise'.

As time passes, it only grew louder and louder to a point of madness. On occasions, her brain would just shut down from all the 'noises' she's experiencing, unable to move by herself but vaguely aware of her surroundings. Thankfully, she was able to hide it from her parents, but she was unable to escape Sam's watchful eyes. Not like she could have escaped it, since her brain decided to shut down in front of the blonde in one November morning when they were working together on the car, causing the shorter girl to untold amount of grief for the half an hour she was out of it.

For some reason, it incensed Sam when Hanna told her about the shutdowns and the 'noises'. Saying why didn't she inform her about it when it first started? It wasn't like Sam is experiencing these things, but Hanna didn't know why she didn't tell Sam about her additional issue. Maybe she doesn't want to burden her friend? After that rather awkward conversation, Sam tried her best to help her, but nothing seemed to work. The only thing Sam could do was to help move her around whenever she shuts down. Her own ineptitude infuriates her whenever she had to rely on Sam. She has lived for more than a millennium; she has personally seen multiple civilizations fall by her hands in her past lives. Now she can't even do something so basic, like walking by herself.

She hated that feeling of uselessness and her lack of control. On some of those winter nights when she just lies on her bed alone and unable to sleep, she thought about ending it all. She did tell the asshat if it screwed around with her head this life, she would commit suicide. The fear of death has never been an obstacle for her, seeing she knows what would happen after she dies, but now…

14 years is nothing compared to thousands of years she has lived through; however this past 14 years have been like a dream to her. A dream of serenity that she never knew she wanted nor has experienced before, and she will not miss the infinitesimal chance to regain that dream. Also, she not going to be bested by that asshat. It thinks it can give her a challenge she couldn't overcome.

With that renewed vigour to overcome this blasted curse of hers. She soldiered on for two months, and by pure determination, she was able to filter out the 'noise' reducing the chances of it overwhelming her brain. The 'noise' suddenly stopped coming in early February, but she wasn't relived. No, she was on tenterhooks and was sure as hell that it wouldn't stop for no good reason, however nothing seemed to be amiss on the day when it stopped. Until Monday, ballet class came around, and she found out that she no longer found joy in it. Not wanting to cause a scene or make Sam a bigger mother hen then already was, so she hid the fact that doing ballet made her feel empty.

A month has passed since that day, and she still doesn't know how to process that loss. Unlike her fondness for sugar, which she always had since time immemorial. Her sweet tooth was just an indulgent remnant of a time she doesn't remember anymore, and she didn't mind losing since she could just replace that indulgent with something else. Ballet however, was something she fell in love in this life and she didn't even mean to create such an attachment for something she started as a joke. It was just something to pass the time with Sam as well as to mess with the blonde and an excuse to exercise her body. Never had she imagined that she would be so passionate about something as simple as dancing. The only word that would describe what she's feeling about the loss of this passion was grief, an emotion that is so alien for Hanna. Never had she felt such an intense emotion. She wasn't even sure if it's grief that's she's feeling right now, but it's the closest thing from the books she had read. She must have been associating ballet with the serene dream that was this life.

Never again would she lose herself to the peace and tranquillity from performing ballet. Her mind is spiralling out of control with fear of what's next on the chopping block, paralyzing her with despair. Her facial control must be on point because Sam, who is just sitting next to her, isn't violently shaking her at this very moment. She has to calm down and think rationally about what she must do next. So, she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes to calm her nerves. She's just wasting her time sitting here, wallowing like some pathetic worm and she must do something productive. The only solution she can think of is to leave this insignificant town as soon as possible and she's sure Sam would gladly join her.

"What's wrong Han?" Speak of the angel and she doth appear. The voice came from her left sounding worried, like she usually has been in the past months. "Don't deflect. You're gripping your chair like your life depends on it." Said Sam in the even tone that she's been using whenever she tries to comfort Hanna. It's like she's some fragile piece of glass and she hates being this vulnerable. Hanna opens her eyes and looks down to see her knuckles are bone white from how hard she's gripping her chair. How did she not notice this? Relaxing her grip on the chair and instantly she feels a relief of pressure, like she's letting go of something.

Glancing up, Hanna encountered Sam's brown eyes filled with worry, a look that had become a staple on her friend's face since summer began. There's one thing she learned ever since this business with the void started is that Sam wasn't the anchor she once thought. An anchor was supposed to provide a means of coping with this affliction, but Sam's presence did nothing to ease the burden. Which was very curious because she was certain when they first met that Sam was the one and she has never been wrong about this before. Not that it changes anything between the two of them. The blonde is still like a sister to Hanna and is an integral part of the serene dream that she wants to regain.

"Just thinking about the future." Said Hanna with a reassuring smile as she tries not to lie to her friend. She still has not clued in Sam about her loss yet and she doesn't know if she could even tell her that. In spite of Sam's initial misgivings about ballet, Sam fell in love with it just the same as Hanna. The joy she sees in her friend's eyes when they perform their very own choreograph pas de deux it brings a warm feeling in her that she doesn't know how to describe. She can't rob Sam of such a thing even if she must suffer while doing it.

Sam doesn't look convinced by the comment but did not protest further and turned her attention to the library computer. Hanna just sits and watches her friend thinker around with the Apple's system 6 operating system. She needs to broch the subject of Sam's attachment with her defective mother but can't think of a way to do it without being incredibly awkward. "Would you ever leave your mother?" Hanna said innocently after several minutes, staring at her friend's monitor. Hopefully, the question is direct enough. Sam dropped whatever she was typing into the computer and stares at Hanna. She has this odd frown on her that Hanna hasn't seen before and her eyes betray nothing. The longer time went on without an answer, a queer sensation bloom within her. Is this what people call nervousness or anxiety?

"You know I can't. She's sick, maybe after she's better?" Sam said calmly, but the look on her face still says she's unsure about the question. But the unsureness was the last thing Hanna thought about at that moment as a high pitch ringing sound starts in her ear drowning out all the noises in the library.

Oh… Okay…

As she sits there absorbing what her friend just said, it feels like the floor doesn't seem to be stable at the moment. Why did she always thought that Sam would choose Hanna over her inadequate mother? Does she not see that it's an irrational choice? What does her mother have to give that Hanna could not provide? Hasn't she shown how life was so much better when they're together? Over the years, she tends to ignore what the low-life of this town thought, but she hasn't been blind to the fact that the pests in this blasted town shun the blonde just for being the child of Beth Groves. That… that defect has been nothing but a thorn in Sam's side.

Is this a betrayal? She can feel her pulse increase, but she can't do anything without being obvious to whatever she's experiencing right now. Gosh darn it, why can't this ringing just stop. She needs to calm down right now and think straight. No, it can't be that. Sam would never betray her. It's just that their brain wavelength is almost always in sync, that she has forgotten that the blonde is still a human child with none of Hanna's experiences. No matter how long Hanna has been trying to influence Sam to be better, she still naively craves a parent's affection. Her inability removes the shackles that bind her friend might be her biggest setback in this life.

"What's with the weird question?" Sam's voice slices through the ringing as she asked with a raised eyebrow. How long has she been staring at the blonde like some idiot? Must not been long since Sam doesn't look worried. Odd how perception of time works sometimes. At least Sam has noticed nothing with her finely tuned 'Hanna emotion' detector. It didn't occur to her how good she's been getting at hiding her turmoil from the blonde. She must have gotten better over the past six months.

"Just curious about it." Hanna said smilingly and gives a shrug without missing a beat. She then turned her gaze away from her friend and looked around the partially full library. Unlike Sam, Hanna doesn't have boundless optimism about the defect. That defect won't get better, the only time she will get better is when she's dead. Hanna can't just sit and wait for the defect to die; she has no idea how long that would take. Maybe she could kill her? Break into Sam's house and mix some of the defect's drugs that she's taking for whatever mental weakness she's having. She could cut the brake lines on the defect's car, but there's a risk that it could harm Sam and she can't have that. No, these are terrible ideas. It will look like the defect is being targeted by someone. How about tempering with the gas at the diner that the defect works at? That way, it will look like a workplace accident and won't look like she's being targeted. Figuring out the logistic for such a plot would be tricky since the defect works in the diner's front and it would only work if she came in early in the morning before the kitchen stuff turn on the stoves.

Even if she's able to kill the defect, Hanna doubts Sam wouldn't leave it be and investigate the death. Having that big brain of hers and the advice that she's been sprinkling over Sam in the years they've been going on adventures, it wouldn't take long before Sam figured out that Hanna was the reason why her beloved mother died. What would her reaction be when that happens, would it be anger? Or maybe relieved that Hanna kindly removed the burden on her life from the picture. Seeing that she choose her mother over Hanna, she doubts it would be happy. If it's anger then, would Sam forgive her, or would she permanently leave her? Even if she assumes a 50% chance of getting the unsatisfactory outcome, but would she be willing to risk the bond she has with the blonde? And what if the next thing the void might take is her love for Sam? Her brain is jumping all over the place at the terrifying possibility.

She can't lose Sam to the void or from the death of the defect. No, losing her is unacceptable. What would be the point of casting away the asshat's curse if Sam would no longer be part of her life? The life she had before Sam was peaceful, but after she came in crashing into her world, she had experienced something she had long forgotten, which was a childlike sense of happiness. Nevertheless, she can no longer be a sedentary being or she might lose control and kill everyone in this small-town apart from Sam, whenever that accursed cotton-static-head syndrome thing comes back for round two. She honestly has to come up with a better name for that rubbish.

That leaves her with two conundrums, which is how to leave this town and how to deal with Sam. All of her prior plans had revolved around escaping this town together with Sam when they were at least 16 after graduating early from being 'perfect' students and skedaddle off to 'university'. Leaving with the stuff they've gathered in the past years, like their heavily modified car, their false identities, their funds and her guns. Maybe the void won't take consume her affection for Sam if she's away from the blonde. Also, how is she going to tell Sam that she has to leave her alone with the pest of this town for lord knows how long and hooey that would be such an incredibly awkward talk. She can imagine it right now and can't help but cringe at the thought. That means she can't have the blonde know that she left her or abandoned her. Hanna could always pop back into Sam's life again after the defect expires and after she plugged the void. 'Yeah, that sounds good. I'm sure she'd welcome me with open arms.'. With her friend throwing the figurative wrench into her perfectly laid plans. She now has a blank slate, and she does not have the faintest idea on what to do next.

She scans the library for any kind of inspiration about what would be her next course of action. Her eyes lands on the corner of the library, spotting the miserable mutt sitting by the window. Greyson's eyes darted away and pretended to read the book in his hands when he saw that she's looking at him. She wasn't sure if 'dating' him was the right call in hindsight, but it was sure fun seeing Sam huffing and puffing. It proves to be a minor distraction from her complications at the time, but her syndrome made it difficult for her to be fully entertained and he started to be way too clingy for her taste. So, she dumped him on Christmas Eve. 'Twas certainly an entertaining sight, seeing him all broken up about it and him sobbed while trying to say that he loves her or why did she do it now on Christmas Eve on all days. What does it on Christmas Eve have to do with anything? Humans are really weird about certain days. For all the talk about removing the 'threat' Sam did not kill him and it was such a disappointment. Looks like he's following her like a puppy again and potentially be a useful tool again.

Gears starts to turn in her head as she thinks of an interesting plan. She could pretend that they're back together and just leave town one day. Make everyone think something bad had happened to her and making him to be a patsy. It might fool every sheep in town, but she doesn't think that would fool Sam. The shorter girl would never believe that the mutt could ever harm Hanna. Not with all the martial art training they do together, especially with the mutt being a twig of a boy. Well, that avenue of approach is a dead end but a potential Plan B. That's a bummer, it would be fun to destroy the boy's life.

Her eyes wonder away from the whimpering dog to the middle of the library. There're loads of people in this library, but none seem to be a potential candidate. Then a glint of an eye near the librarian counter catches her attention. The man standing there talking to that whale of a librarian while occasionally giving her hidden glances. The gears in her head are spinning in overdrive as she discreetly observes him. Huh, she totally forgotten about this weirdo. She remembers the whale talking about him before. What was his name again? Was it Kent Rustle or something? His name doesn't matter.

What matters is that he's a tool that she can use. This isn't the first time he has given her those hungry looks that she's seen so many people in multiple lives. Even with a clouded head, she noticed the weirdo started to look at her a few months ago. He even approached her a few times in the past months, asking what book she was looking for. It's just that with her head busy with other stimulations, she didn't put two and two together. The man is a pedophile or has fantasies about it. Well, she can't say it's pedophilia since she's not a prepubescent. The proper term would be hebephilia but calling him hebephile sounds boring, so she's sticking with pedophile.

Ever since she started walking back home from the library rather than biking, she's pretty sure she has seen him in his car driving off whenever she walked back home alone just before the library closes. It's like a timid predator not knowing if it wants to catch its prey or not. Not going to lie, it's kinda pathetic. She just has to work on increasing the man's confidence in acting on his desires. Just need to give him an occasional smile, a wave here & there, talk to him more whenever the creep approaches her in the library and acknowledging him when he passes by with his car. Maybe even change her clothing style. It's obviously more conservative compared to everyone else in her age group, but that might rouse Sam's suspicion.

It might take some time to work on this target, but this weirdo might just be the perfect tool for her to use. Her disappearing from a public space with a lot of witnesses is like the perfect crime, and maybe Sam could see her entering the pedo's car, casting away any doubt that Hanna would be alive, seeing as the man is twice her body weight. A pleasant bonus would be that people suspect the mutt is behind her disappearance and destroy his life in the process.

She turns her gaze back to her friend, who is happily dissecting away the computer OS. She's wearing that denim jacket she likes to wear because her mother gifted it to her rather than the way more stylish black leather jacket Hanna gave for her last birthday. Not that the denim jacket is ugly or anything, but she is getting off track and should get back to the plot. Maybe this might be an opportunity to help her friend! Yeah, it might finally give her the little push she needs to kill a person. Breaking Sam's shyness about the subject and it would be extremely sweet for her to get revenge on the 'killer' of her friend. She's sure when they finally get back together not long in the future, they going to have a right laugh about this, and Sam would be thankful for helping her. She should pat herself on the back for forming such an amazing plan. It's like killing three birds with one stone.

She should start organizing the details of this plan. It'll probably take roughly 3 weeks to one month for her to work her magic on that weirdo. That's a lot of time for her to sort everything out. Gotta make sure that Sam doesn't notice any aberration in any of their system that they're using, meaning she has to set up different ways for her to get a new identity. Money shouldn't be a problem. She has a lot of cash on hand and recreating AA as well as Bucky wouldn't be too much of a problem. It's a good thing that she made her rootkits by herself with no direct coding help from Sam, meaning she could bring those two with her without Sam suspecting of her when she's using them out in the wild. Same goes for her encryptions. Sam never learned how Hanna made it, saying that she's not interested in cryptography. It's a shame that she's not as enthused about it as Hanna, really, but fortunate for herself.

Transportation out shouldn't be too hard, just need to get a car and new plates that ties to her new identity. Luckily, she has been having a growth spurt and right now is 5ft3. Hopefully with that, no police will notice her as she drives away. Getting her hands on the new IBM PS/2 P75 model 8573-401 is a priority. Having access to a powerful portable computer will be invaluable, especially if she wants to find jobs or hacking into systems. Speaking of jobs, it's sad that she could not bring her small arsenal of guns, but she wouldn't shed a tear on such replaceable items. Need to get some barbiturates and amphetamines for her to use on the pedo when she's ready.

Looks like she has the list of things she has to do for the foundation of this plan ready. She can sort out of the smaller details as she moves forward. "Let's head back to the house Sam." Hanna said as she gathers her things on the table. Sam snapped her head to Hanna and looking at her suspiciously. "You sound awfully happy." Said Sam as she saved her progress into a floppy. Was she happy with this? She doesn't think so. Most likely is that she's thrilled to have a path open to her where she does not know where it would lead her, like jumping out from a vehicle at the edge of space. "I'm just happy that I figured out a future where we're together." Said Hanna smilingly as she stands up to stretch her body. Sitting for hours really isn't good for her meatsuit. That seemed to have confused the shorter girl more than answered her question, but she shrugged away the confusion. "Wanna tell me about it?" Said Sam with a smile joining in with the bizarre cheerful atmosphere. "When we reach that future, I'll tell you~." said Hanna, hiding the cryptic message by playfully rhyming it to the blonde who rolled her eyes.

"Good night Ms. Tomkins." Said Hanna as she waves goodbye at the whale, who looks awfully engaged with talking with the creep. How did she miss this as well? The whale is completely enamored with the pedo. This just gotten a lot more fun. "Good night to you as well, mister." Hanna said to the pedo with a smile, who looked surprised by her acknowledgement. She really needs to figure out his name.

"What was that?" Questioned Sam after they exit the library, likely finding it odd that she even acknowledged the man. "Oh, nothing big. Just help couldn't contain the excitement of the future, that's all." Hanna said as she grabs the shorter girl's hand and start skipping, forcing her to follow suit. "Could you not?" Bristled Sam, which only made Hanna snort.

A cute little jingle starts plays on the computer internal speaker as she plays Oregon Trail again attempting to top her high score. It would be easy to just cheat and game the system, but where would be the sportsmanship in that? Also, she's trying to lose herself in the game's simplicity because today is the day. Not that she's 100% certain that today will be the day, but the gut instinct that she has relied on for eternity says that today will be the day that the ball that she planned will start rolling.

Everything is in place and the only thing that is left is for the creep to invite her into his car, but for some reason, an unknown sick feeling builds up in her at the thought. Is this anxiety? Why would she be anxious about an amazing plan? Nothing can go wrong. Did she miss something in her bag? She was sure that she packed the blood bag, the needles, the drugs with syringes, the knife, the keys to the getaway car, which has everything she need. So, it can't be anxiety that she's feeling right now. Not that the coldness of the void is helping with the situation as it is being awfully intense the past week for no reason, not following any of the patterns she has observed in the past two years.

She really doesn't understand what's going on with herself. That's why she's distracting herself from those things with this simple game. She almost finished with this play through when she felt Sam came back to her side after going somewhere to look for books. Why does this sick feeling become stronger when her friend is beside her? If it is anxiousness, why does it grow when Sam is near her? "Flowers for Algernon? I thought you only read comedies." Sam asked as she picked up the book that was beside her keyboard and read the synopsis on the back cover. The only time she gets anxious is when it involves Sam. Fearing for her safety or some irrational worry about the blonde.

"What do you mean? The story and Charlie are funny." Replied Hanna as she half paying attention to the game in front of her but continue to look at her friend while she tries to figure out why is she was feeling this emotion. Why would she be worried about Sam? She can easily take care of herself, even from the belligerent pest that disdains her, and what she's doing is helping Sam grow to be a better version of herself. "This clearly isn't a comedy, Han." Said Sam mirthfully, with one of her eyebrows quirked up and a sly smile. So, why does she feel sicker as she looks at the carefree look on her friend's face? Is what she's going to do a terrible mistake? Dumb intrusive thoughts about how Sam is going to hate this and hate her, starts flooding her brain. She was fine for the four weeks it took to plan everything, but is having cold feet right now? Since when has she ever doubted herself before, this life really likes it's a curve ball.

"Everything is a comedy with the right attitude, Sam. I've only read a few of the 'Progress Reports' and I find it hilarious. It really shows how pathetic humans are. You should read it too." Hanna replied cheekily, trying to hide her distraught. "I'll take your word for it." Said Sam with a smirk, as she put back the book beside the keyboard and looked at what Hanna was playing. Taking in a deep breath to calm her jitters and looking back at the monitor. She's putting her figurative foot down on this absurd emotion. She has never doubted herself before and she will not start it today of all days. A cheerful music plays as she completes the game.

/Congratulations!

/You have made it to Oregon.

/You Win!

No, this isn't a mistake. What she's going to do will help herself and help Sam. She will find a way to plug this darn void. She will regain her dream and they can continue with their adventures again, but with improved selves. With her resolve strengthen, she typed in her pseudonym into the scoreboard.

/The Oregon Top Ten

/Name- Points

/SU#- 17500

/ROOT -16500

/Robert Ludemann -5694

/Emily Carey -4138

/Mark Cyr -2945

/Lynette Dwyer - 2157

/…

"Read 'em and weep it, Sam." Hanna said with a triumphant smile towards the shorter girl. Determination chasing away bad thoughts, reinvigorating herself with confidence in her amazing plan. "It's a stupid game, Han. I don't see why you keep playing it." Sam said, rolling her eyes as she could not contain her smile. Despite the self-assurance, she still can feel that sickly feeling and the void practically screaming at her. She looks at her beloved friend for it might be their last days or might even be their last moments together, memorizing everything she can. She isn't certain when she will reunite with Sam, but she's sure it won't be too long. "You're just sour that I beat your high score." Hanna said teasingly, which caused Sam to grin widely, like she's accepting that challenge.

"The library will be closing in ten minutes. Bring any books you want to check out to the counter." Hollered the whale, breaking the moment she's having with Sam. She glanced at the whale, then at the book. Of course, she has something to check out. She has to pretend like everything is fine. "I'm going to head back first." Said Hanna as she stands up and pick up her things. She should leave the computer on if Sam wants to beat her score. "I'll see you again, Sam." Hanna said with a small penitent smile. She couldn't even give her friend a fake cheerful smile with the double meaning of her words. "See you tomorrow, Han." Sam said with a smile and wiggling her fingers goodbye as she sits down to beat the high score. Those words only made her feel sicklier.

As she walks towards the counter, she spots the mutt sulking at the corner as usual. Be a good little patsy and stay there. She gives the whale a smile and said. "I'll be checking these out, Ms. Tomkins." She gave the books and her library card to the whale. She didn't even register what the whale was saying as she looked at the whale, who she can only think what a perfect cover this thing is. It's no wonder why a pedo would be close to this ugly wart of a human. Nobody will suspect him of being a pedo if his lover is someone so visible in the 'community'. She can appreciate a human who plans as much as her. The whale smiled as she gave back the books to Hanna and she said. "Thank you, Ms. Tomkins."

"Have a good night, Hanna." said the whale. She isn't sure if it would be a good night, but it would certainly be an eventful night. The cool April night greeted her as she exits the library. On the periphery of her sight, she can see that car with the dumb pop-up lights the creep uses. Her heart started to beat loudly as she walked her usual route back and she noticed that the car moves slowly towards her direction.

This is it, and the only thing she can hear right now was the thundering of her heart. There would be no turning back now. The car stops with the passenger door rolled down. Taking a deep breath to still her irrational nerves but it doesn't stop the blazing coldness of the void. "Hey Hanna, it's kinda late. Do you need a ride back home?" Said the creep, attempting to sound relax. By golly, he's like a cat on hot bricks right now. It's cute as well as downright funny that he's trying to hide it, but she can't laugh at his face right now or he'll run off like a rabbit and screw up her plans. "Oh, hello Mr. Russell. I wouldn't want to impose." Said Hanna as she puts on a timid smile for the creep to pacify him.

"It wouldn't be any trouble." Said the creep as he reach across to open the passenger door and said. "Come on in." Looks like the creep finally gained his confidence. Hanna pretends to think of what she would do and looked back at the library. Her heart stops as she spots Sam looking at the window with confusion written on her face and the sickly feeling came roaring back. She knows that it's part of the plan for Sam to see this, but planning and actually doing it feels so different. It feels like time has stopped as she looked at her sister.

'I'm doing this for you, and for us, Sam.'

She gave Sam a genuine beaming smile, the smile that is reserved solely for the blonde, and the one that she has given to her countless time. Hopefully, this will disarm her from doing anything stupid. Her policy in every life is to have fun and have no regrets. She is certain that she will not regret this choice. She then turns away from her dear friend and replacing her demeanor with a timid one. "That is very kind of you, Mr. Russell. Thank you." Said Hanna as she gets into the car and purposefully not looking back to the library.

A/N: This was supposed to be the last chapter of the arc but the other part of the chapter is got way too long so I'm splitting it into two chapters.