SuDo Madhouse

by BigBJ

To others Hanna Frey is what she wants others to see, but Sam is the only one that sees her true side. However, given that Hanna has reincarnated into multiple dimensions and universes, it's no wonder that she might have a few screws loose. Follow the adventures of Hanna and Samantha throughout their life. OC-SI into Hanna Frey, A journey of damnation and maybe redemption.

38. Chapter 38: First Days

ROOT POV

The sound of SpongeBob talking to Patrick echoes loudly in the empty day room while Root takes another sip of her dirt, cold coffee, as she stares off into the distance at the open door where Su left.

She doesn't know why her eyes were glued to that empty door sill while nervous energy circling inside her. Either she really wants Su to come back, or she really doesn't want that woman to come back, and thus leaving her in this state.

It took her finishing up the cup of coffee, and for the first block, ending before that nervous energy is expelled from her system. Now she can hear doors opening, the sound of people mingling, and lots of footsteps.

After disposing of her cup, she gets out of the dayroom to meander the hallways in a way to observe the crowd she'll be sharing this wonderful place with for the next month and a half. Best to know who's the volatile ones, so she can easily avoid them if she wants to avoid accidentally punching them and forcing herself to stay here longer than needed.

But before she can even start her observation, a voice calls out to her. "Hello, Robin."

Root eyes snap towards the voice and sees… "Hey, Gloria… aren't you supposed to be busy sorting out my stuff?"

"It's all well sorted out, Robin." Gloria answers with a smile. "I'm just checking up on you. Settling in well?"

"You know it's been less than two hours since I come here, right?" Root replies with the quirk of her brow.

"More of a figure of speech, but I take it you had a good time with your cousin." Gloria genuinely asks with a curious look on her.

Root gives the woman a skeptical look before dully answering with. "Sure, we had a blast."

"That's good to know. Your cousin has been having a difficult time the past few days." Gloria gives Root a nod and continues. "Now, since you're here, the 2nd block is just about to start so you can join your group and it'll be a good opportunity to join."

'Difficult time'… that's a good euphemism. Also, there's no chance in hell she would join the groups. Apart from having to talk to others about her nonexistent problems, she doesn't have the capacity to listen to other people's problems. She barely managed to scrape by listening to one person's problems for the past half a decade.

With a false smile, she replies. "As much as I would love to join, I still need some time to, as you say, settle in."

Gloria puts on a sympathetic face and says. "I know it's difficult for someone to join groups for the first time, but it would be the great first step to recovering. Just as luck has it, your first group would be wellness, and that's a great one for beginners."

First step into recovering? She's already recovered, only her wound is still sore, but these people really think there's something else wrong with her… how misguided they are.

Nonetheless, Root's smile never left her, and she answers. "I just don't think I have it in me to participate today… by the way, you still have my things, right?"

Gloria's smile falters slightly as she nods. "Your bag is still in my office. I'll pass it to a tech after your room is ready."

"Do make sure nothing goes missing. I have valuable staff in there." Root comments lightly.

Literally nothing in that trash bag is of any value to Root, but making the nurse double check her stuff is the most entertainment she'll get in a while.

Then she turns away from Gloria. "See you later."

"Alright…" Gloria says from behind Root. "… Since you're not going to your group and have no room, you can stay in the dayroom, but you can't watch the TV."

That's a rule? She really ought to read that little handbook and get to know the rules of this place. Can't have her eventual release from this place be delayed because she is ignorant of the rules here… she was planning to read it earlier, but Su decided to say hi.

"Sure, Gloria." Root responds loudly enough for the nurse to hear as she continues walking down the hallway.

It didn't take long before she finds a spot for her to loiter, the nurse's station. It's the perfect place, seeing that it's located centrally with views down the four corridors, where she assumes most of the group rooms are.

Taking a seat near to the station, she takes out the little handbook that's been in her robe's pocket since Gloria gave it to her earlier in the morning and uses it as a decoy as she observes the other patients while they go to their next group session.

It proves to be difficult for her to get a read on all the people in the unit in the short time between the change of activities, but she can approximate the population of the unit to be around 27, give or take a few that are in sessions with their doctors like Su.

A curious information is that the population here skews slightly more male than females, and everyone has a bit more edge on them compared to the people down in E-unit, who look like sheep in comparisons, even that loudmouth seems tamer.

She supposed that was to be expected, since her last unit was full of people with their brains not entirely turned on to a unit full of people considered in need of the most possible supervision and control.

Wonder how effective their tier system works with these types of folk… was it implemented in every unit or just this? She didn't get enough time to find out, nor did the nurses in the previous unit say anything about such things.

In the short time where people were moving about, Root did key in a few particular patients that stand out from the crowd, a tall, portly man with a beard who barrels through the hallway by forcing others to move aside for him, a blonde girl with an empty look in her eyes and her arms is covered in bandages. A skeletal brunette with short, patchy hair of no consistent length, a man in his mid to late 20s with sandy hair who stands ramrod straight whenever he stops walking, and a man in his 30s with no fewer than half a dozen rainbow bracelets down his left arm.

What an interesting range of people she has to share this place with for the next month and a half. Plus, it's honestly surprising that Su hasn't murdered someone already… but she can barely figure out what's going on in that head of hers.

Didn't take long for everyone to disperse into their next group session or back into their rooms. With nothing interesting left to observe, she slowly walk back to the dayroom to start reading the little handbook in earnest.

But when she enters back into the dayroom, she comes to a stop for a second at the sight of a petite brunette in a gray hoodie with a long hair in a simple ponytail. She doesn't even know why she was surprised at the sight of a new person sitting in her seat, there are a lot of people here and not everyone would participate in groups just like her. Must be the brunette hair… and because of her talking to Su earlier putting herself on edge.

Root shakes her head at herself. She can't be jumping at the sight of every brunette here. If she does, then she'll have a bad time when she needs to brush her teeth.

Without saying a word, she moves to the couch and takes a seat on the opposite side, then glances at the unknown woman who, in turn seemingly blissfully unaware of Root's presence.

The woman has a short blunt bangs, and she can clearly see the woman is clutching a tattered white rabbit doll, which can only be described as staffed doll in name only. Now with a proper look, the only resemblance between this woman and Su is the hair color, and how thin she is.

It didn't take long before the woman notices Root. She lets out a high pitch squeak that sounds, if Root's being uncharitable, it sounds like a rat being found, and nearly jumps out from the couch. The woman quickly moves further away from Root onto the other side of the couch and is nearly off the edge.

How Root's brain could even think that this fragile-looking creature could be Su for even a second, is a total mystery… must be the drugs. Like this woman is wearing a pink hello kitty yoga pants for Pete's sake… well, Su would totally wear a pink yoga pants, but she wouldn't catch dead wearing branded merchandise like that, seeing that Su is allergic to consumerism despite being a massive capitalist who sticks to certain brands.

"Sorry." Root superficially apologizes and pulls out the little handbook, while ignoring the intense stare which the other woman is giving Root, with her green-gray sunken eyes that's rife with fearfulness.

"I'm not moving." She says firmly. "And you can't make me."

"Do I look like an orderly to you?" Root shoots back sarcastically as she reads the handbook. This place is a game and knowing the rules is paramount.

"You're new." The woman comments with a mouselike voice.

"Impeccable observation." Root mutters without looking up from the handbook.

"You were talking to Anna." The woman continues.

That perk her interest, causing her to pay attention to the other woman. "You know her?"

Neither Su nor Root noticed anyone looking at them when they had their 'chat', and yet this mouse of a woman saw them… god, Ativan is really fucking her situational awareness.

"Pompous bitch is in the same group as me." The woman replies.

That puts a small smile on Root. Sounds exactly like Su… "I see that you're not her greatest fan… You're in Wellness group too?"

"You have Wellness? God, I wish I have Wellness too." The words rapidly spill out from the other woman. "I have nutrition and all it does is try to make me fat."

The woman makes a face of disgust before continuing. "They just toss every skinny girl in the unit into Nutrition." Giving Root another look. "You're skinny too, so you should be in Nutrition too. It's not fair that you get Wellness."

Nutrition? Guess that's where they put all the people who have some sort of eating disorder, and judging by the other woman's thin frame, it isn't surprising that they put her there… it also applies to Su…

"That makes sense…" Root mutters before saying. "Well, it doesn't matter what we both have, seeing neither of us is going."

"Right…" The woman mutters as she brings her knees up to her chin. "I'm Justine, by the way… and welcome to the unit, I guess."

Root nods. "Robin."

Silence falls between them as Root goes back to reading her handbook and Justine just stares off into the distance.

Then a thought strikes. "Why did you call Anna pompous? I'm guessing she's not the most popular person here."

Which in itself is an odd choice for Su to do… that woman would always choose the path of least resistance and being antagonistic towards the population here isn't the easiest path.

"Cause she has a six-foot pole up her ass?" Justine replies with a frown. "Always thinking she's better than everyone else when she's always looked the most fucked up one in the room and always says that everyone is rude while she's the rudest person in the room."

"That fits Anna's description to a tee." Root mindlessly acknowledges.

"Say, how do you know Anna?" Justine asks. "She barely ever talks to other people here, and yet she talked to you."

"It would be odd if she didn't talk to me." Some part of her didn't want to… "And she's my cousin."

Justine has a look of surprise before quickly adding. "Really? That bitch is your cousin? But you're not as stuck up as her."

Root lets out a snort. "We have our differences."

"Guess you both live close to each other since you both came here." Justine mindlessly speculates.

"Something like that." Root answers with a shrug.

It's not completely wrong. They spent a lot of time separate from each other, but Root practically have her own room in the penthouse, which she almost always uses whenever she's in the city and Su would almost always be there.

"Seeing that you're new here." Justine starts as she clutches her 'plushie' tighter. "Don't get too comfortable here. Lots of people start here, but no one really stays here long… if you don't count the transfers. I'm a transfer, was in D-Unit before this… eating disorder."

"I wouldn't have ever known…" Root says sarcastically. Guess people being delusional about their eating isn't just a Su problem.

"I know right." Justine says enthusiastically and completely missing Root's sarcasm. "I'm too fat to have ED."

If she's fat, then Root is practically overweight.

"I was being sarcastic." Root comments dryly. "Kinda obvious."

"Really?" Justine replies with an odd enthusiasm before continuing. "How did you get here? Wait… let me guess, you took a whole bottle of pills?"

"Do I remotely look suicidal?" Root retorts back feeling rather offender by that.

"Yeah." Justine replies instantly, without a second thought.

Root lets out a… "What the fuck?"

Justine shrugs. "Lots of people here are in here for that and most of them look normal enough, like you."

"No, I'm not in here for self-harm." As much as she loves mom, she is nothing like mom.

"Well, it's not ED, or you'd be in Nutrition with the rest of us…" The woman has a pondering look on her. "… Anxiety cases, and depressives don't start on M unless they're suicidal…" Justine gives her an odd look. "… Schizophrenic?"

Root lets out a snort. That's a rough description of someone she knows… "Not that I know of, but I didn't start here. Like you, I was transferred."

Justine tilts her head and points at the book in Root's hands. "And you haven't read that thing yet?"

"My head was in the clouds for a while." Root says wryly. "I was transferred from E-Unit."

"Dissociative and catatonia." Justine replies swiftly with a nod, as if she's familiar with that unit. "Wait… does that mean you like, have multiple personality or something? Is there like an evil Robin that's going to come out at some point and attack?"

Why is this person thinking she has dissociative identity disorder? Pretty sure she practically looks harmless right now, and she has intimidated no one since she woke up… unless she counts that loudmouth, but that's putting the man in his place rather than intimidating.

"No." Root lets out a sardonic chuckle. "I was catatonic." Root makes a gesture to herself. "This is the only Robin there is… unless, of course, there's a clone of me somewhere. Beside the whole sybil thing isn't happening down there, it's different to that."

"Catatonic and then M-unit?" Justine says with slight trepidation in her voice. "The hell did you do? Rob a bank?"

Honestly… of all the things Justine can think of, she picked the only one criminal act Root had never done before. Her ability to speculate incorrectly is astounding.

"Well, I don't have a criminal record, if that's what you're wondering." Root replies. "Just a judge thinking it was smart to put me here, because of the thing I was doing before this."

"Damm…" Justine replies with some sympathy. "Involuntary admission sucks."

"Tell me about it." Root mutters before continuing. "But don't worry, I'm not particularly interested in hurting anyone at the moment."

God has asked her to not hurt anyone and she'll follow god's word… but she can't say the same for Su, and it's a wonder that she hasn't.

"That's good to know. We got more than enough people with anger issues here." Justine replies with a smile.

Root returns the smile before turning her attention back to her small handbook and at the anemic introduction chapter… these people really need to get better writers.

"You're supposed to be in Nutrition." Gloria reprimands with a harsh voice as she enters the dayroom and breaks the silence.

Justine almost jumped out of her spot, and Root twitches in surprise… she should have heard the nurse coming from afar… this isn't right.

She really needs to meet whoever the fuck is her doctor and get this fucking drug out of her system.

Gloria continues. "If you're not going to your group activity, you're supposed to be in your room."

Justine, with her eyes wide in shock, quickly points towards Root and says. "But she…"

Gloria didn't let her finish her sentence and cut her off. "She hasn't been assigned a room yet, unlike you. Nutrition or your room Justine, those are your choices."

For a second, Justine looks like she's going to protest, but she didn't and then jumps up from the couch with a huff before stomping out of the room with the gait of an angry, petulant child.

Gloria turns towards Root, seemingly unperturbed by her lack of participation in that spat, and says. "Please don't engage with her if she comes back."

"Hmm… it says here we're entitled to writing materials." Root completely ignores Gloria's instruction and points to the page she's reading.

Funny how Su manages to get such basic entitlement revoked within a day… must have set some kind of record here for that.

Root continues. "If I was looking to get a hold of some of those, how would I go about in here? I'd like to do some organization, lists and so on."

Gloria was about to answer but pauses for a second before saying. "You can, but you can't give any to your cousin. Doc placed a prohibition on lots of stuff for her after what she did on the first day."

Whatever Su did really has these people spooked, and she kinda regrets not being able to see what it was.

"I wouldn't dream of breaking such rules."

"Just ask for it at the nurses' station. They have paper and markers for everyone." Gloria answers, and with a nod she walks off in the direction Justine saunter off to, presumably to make sure that she went to her proper destination and not somewhere else to play hooky.

With nothing better to do, Root gets up from the hard couch to grab those items, and the tech in the nurses' station gives her a few sheets of blank paper, and a blue sharpie…

How the fuck did Su use a sharpie as a weapon? She couldn't have made the plastic parts into a shiv within a day, and no one could use the felt tip as a weapon.

Not wanting to waste her time on worthless speculation, she takes a seat at one of several plastic tables in the dayroom to take notes on her reading and find and categorize the loopholes in the handbook.

Not every loophole is useful for her, but understanding every aspect of these arbitrary rules is paramount if she plans to get through the weeks here without getting cabin fever, or accidentally hurting someone from the stress of being here.

Particularly when she has already decided to not go to any of the things that are scheduled for her, for the sole exception of her scheduled sessions with her assigned therapist, seeing that she'll need their approval to get off this fucking drug, and for her to get out of here in a month's time.

Glancing at her schedule beside her open handbook, she can't help but scoff at the list of worthless activity they think she needs to go to. At least they had the decency to not put her in any of the drug related groups, which she's a bit concerned that they might have after her little talk with Gloria, but thankfully they have the brain cell to differentiate addiction and social drug use…

However, if she had to take a shot in the dark, she assumes that the 'Wellness' group probably discourages that sort of behavior, right alongside eating too much processed sugar and coffee.

That didn't stop them from putting her in 'Anger Management', which is in itself such an absurd thing for her to go to seeing that she practically weave through the shit life has thrown at her without losing her cool once… alright maybe she did once, but that was a special circumstance.

The next one is 'Trauma Recovery', which is such an asinine activity for them to place her in. There hadn't been a single point or moment in her life that she had ever experienced trauma. Unless they count blunt force trauma, that she has a ton of, but she has a sneaking feeling that it might not be the physical type of trauma.

Then there's 'Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy', if she remembers her research from when she was a child and back when she's masquerading as a therapist correctly, was mostly used for anxiety and depression, neither of which she has.

To their credit, it wasn't all just those worthless groups. They did have her down for the more expressive groups, such as writing, art and music… which it says has some dancing. And she's fairly certain that she won't be allowed to just make whatever she wanted but would instead be given some kind of nonsense constraints so they can psychoanalyze her art and writing… and she's not dumb enough to fall for such tricks.

Additionally, in the pursuit of not rotting her brain from boredom and after finding all the loopholes, her next point of action is to work on a list of books to read. Hopefully, this place has a well-stocked library, but she wouldn't keep her hopes up.

E-books are an acceptable option but she's doubtful she'll get to touch a computer, or any electronic related devices, given what Harold has told these people. On the bright side, the identity Harold has crafted for her is every bit as intricately tied to technology as her own, which at the very least gives her excuses to select some reading material that she'll actually enjoy.

The first few books that pop into her mind are Gödel, Escher, Bach, which have some interesting puzzles, Anthropic Bias, The Most Human Human, a few books on artificial intelligence… then there are a few good old Stephenson cyberpunk novels, like Snow Crash and Cryptonomicon.

Oh, she finally has the time to finish Spook Country and Zero History to conclude the trilogy that she started a decade ago. Seeing that she's going for fiction, might as well toss Cat's eye into the mix.

It's very tempting to put Puzzles For Hackers or A Hacker Odyssey, which is on itself a tome of a book, but that feels just a little bit on the nose even for her. So, she'll just add a note asking if recreational math puzzle books are acceptable… She can't think of a reason for them to deny such books, but she herself can't think of a title from the top of her head.

Wonder if they'll let her print out some scientific papers on the latest development in A.I. Thought she can just ask Su about that subject, seeing that she actually created one, but she's skeptical that she'll get a straight answer from that woman.

Wasn't long before the second block ended. Looking up at the time and at that exact time, she can feel her stomach grumbles in hunger. Good thing it's lunch time then… and right on cue, she hears a mass of people exiting rooms. Looking down the hallway, she sees a dozen people walking towards the dining room.

Might as well join the crowd and see what's on for lunch.

With that, she packs everything she has, which wasn't much, into her robe pockets and gets up from her seat. Walking the short distance, she falls in with the crowd and they didn't even notice she's behind them, too busy in their own world or talking to one another.

After a relatively short walk, she enters a bustling dining room, which looks almost identical to the one in E-unit, but unlike her previous unit, the atmosphere here is unbearable. This causes her to freeze near the entrance of the dining room.

The previous atmosphere was rather calm, with everyone quiet like an office cafeteria, then there's here… it's more akin to a High School cafeteria. People jostling for a seat they want, there are occasional sounds of 'You can't seat at my table', someone taking an extra and that's a problem for the person who's not gonna get one.

Add to that the hysteria going on at the corner of the dining room, where Justine and seven other women, including the patchy hair, are seated at two tables next to each other with identical plates in front of them. By the looks of it, they weren't allowed to select their own meals… and by appearance alone, each one of them is showing exactly what they're in here for.

Surprisingly, Su isn't at that table with them… and curiously, she isn't even in the dining room. Is she skipping meals again? Surely the people in charge here won't allow someone with an 'eating disorder' to skip meals, then everyone will just do like her. But Root can't fault the shorter woman for skipping mealtime if this type of ruckus is an everyday occurrence.

Root shakes her head. She's probably off somewhere lost in that head of hers.

She then walks to the now empty line to grab the saddest looking sub she's ever seen, an apple, a carton of yogurt, and makes a beeline for the door, without dropping everything.

"And where do you think you're going?" Asks a nurse she hasn't met yet, standing at the doorway with a clipboard and a bored look on her.

"Anywhere but here." She makes a face and gesture with her head towards the rest of the dining room. "Whatever is going on here… it's too much. There are grown adults over there screaming like children, and everyone is giving me the stink eye if I sit at their table. All I want is just some peace while eating."

The man gives Root another glance before looking at the clipboard. "You're that new girl… Robin, was it?"

"I'm hardly a girl." Root replies with disdain. "I'm turning thirty-five this year. I think you can dispense with that diminutive."

The man just raises a brow at Root as he scans the clipboard before muttering. "They don't have you on controlled meals yet. You're not required to be here, but if you're going to take food out of the dining room, you'll need to eat in your room."

Yet? What a fucking condescending asshole. She's slim, not fucking malnourished.

"I would if I had a room to go to." Root says as she plasters on a smile. "But they apparently need to shuffle some people to make space for me."

"Right, right." The man nods as he puts down the clipboard. "Cindy is packing up now to move in with Alana. They should have your room done by the end of lunchtime, but for now, you can go take a seat near the nurses' station to eat, so someone can keep an eye on you."

"Sure…" Root says unimpressively as she walks past him, but before she's totally out of the dining room, she stops to ask. "By the way, I didn't see Anna in here."

"Ah, I heard you are cousins to our resident delinquent." The man gives a slight frown. "Doc says it'll be better if we let her come and eat whenever she feels like it after the mess that happened two weeks ago. But if you're looking for her, she tends to walk around the unit during this time."

That's a new term for Su, who normally would put on the people's pleaser masks. Su really isn't putting on a mask her at all during her stay here, if this is the impression this shit stain of a man has for Su.

Also, two weeks ago? Is this a reference to Su's first night, or did she stir something up after that?

Root just nods and makes her way towards the now familiar sight of the nurses' station. As awkward as it is to eat without a table and having one arm in a sling, it's way more preferable to all the chaos that's happening in the dining room.

She lets out a frustrated sigh as the carton of yogurt that's on her lap falls onto the fall as she finishes up her sub, and thankfully, it wasn't open yet.

All she needs has to do is to endure this torture for a few weeks, prove that she's healthy, and they'll surely let her out… and if that fails, she certainly can find an escape route without killing everyone in her path, though that'll take time with her limited equipment, but once she gains access to a computer, then from there it'll be child's play.

Root didn't go straight to her room after lunch was done. Prefer to spend the next few hours close to a payphone, in the hopes that The Machine calls her, but she didn't spend that time idling waiting as she figure out all the loopholes and sort out the small details of what she's going to do the next month or so.

Only when the hallway she's seated at gets louder with the noises of people arguing and Gloria bothering her about some tedious, inconsequential subject, that she abandons her stalwart watch over the payphone.

It wasn't hard for her to find her room, since the place is neatly divided between the day activity section and the sleeping section. She didn't get an exact number of rooms in her particular hallway, but it's less than the total number of patients she counted, so that means there were more rooms in another hallway.

With a slight push, she opens the door and the first thing she sees is a bag on top of the made-up bed. The room itself resembles the one she had in the previous unit. If that room were cut in half… it looks like she had a roommate for the week and a half without her even knowing it.

… That's creepy as fuck.

She blows a stray hair from her eyes and starts unpacking what little belonging she has into the drawers below the bed.

The drab color clothes that she presumes Finch picked out for her are of a fairly decent quality. At least she knows the man didn't just buy the cheapest shit off Walmart. It's clear that they've taken the size of whatever she was wearing when everything went to shit, but none of it is really her style… instead it looks like something someone in their mid-50s would wear and she's still decades away, that is, if she lives long enough.

The one choice she has no complaint about is the long, flowy, gray cardigan she's wearing right now that fits in with everything and Finch was smart enough to give her two. Had she been given a choice, she would have preferred it in black or a dark purple, but the fabric is soft, the cut is perfect and if she's being honest about it, which she'll never admit if anyone asks, the sheer volume of the cardigan provides gives her a sense of privacy and comfort that is otherwise lack in this hospital.

Besides that, she has eight serviceable shirts and four pants, all identical with the exception of their colors, very utilitarian but very boring, and one button down sleeveless shirt that the people here say she was wearing on admission. The clothes she was wearing when shit went down, all of em black, are among her meager possessions except for her top, leather jacket and shoes… she really liked that jacket.

It's understandable as to why her jacket and top aren't here, seeing that it would have been a bloody mess after being shot… but why her shoes? They were super comfortable, especially for long walks.

The undergarments she's been given are passable in cut and size, her panties are all stark white, but someone had the sense of getting her nude color bras instead. Must be Shaw… that's awfully considered for someone like her.

What annoys her is that Finch didn't think of getting her a few pairs of socks. Thankfully, the shoes this place gave her don't require one, but it's just poor form not to give her any. The only thing left is two pairs of awfully yellow color gingham pullover pajamas, and honestly, it could have been worse. Finch could have gotten her some overtly bright floral nighties that she would never be caught dead wearing.

Root Letting out an aspirated sigh, she needs to get this sorted out fast. After putting away all of her clothing, she goes to the desk opposite her bed and starts listing out stuff she needs. There's her ready bag in the penthouse, which has everything she needs, but only three people in the world have access to it with two of whom are in this hospital, and Root can't ask Pauling to grab it since attracting the bubbly woman's attention might bring unforeseen consequences.

Oh, and there's her luggage in that hotel she was staying at in New York before shit went down, but she's pretty sure it's all gone by now. Thinking about it now… all of her other possessions are at Su's safe houses throughout the country, and she did not have any redundancies, unlike her time before Su. Even her money is tied to the system Su has created, except for the few offshore accounts she has and there's no way for her to get them a computer.

A deep frown comes down on her at the realization. Root became so reliant on Su's support structure and unwittingly losing her own independence, that she had created a weakness for herself without knowing… but that'll all change after she leaves this place.

This wouldn't be the first time she lost everything. Well… it'll be the first time that she lost everything where she can't go out and grab what she needs. This little challenge might prove to be something entertaining for her to do in the meantime, and the first order of business is getting some comfortable socks and better pajamas.

The hospital supplied toothpaste and toothbrush are adequate enough for her, but unfortunately for her dental health, mouthwash is contraband for some dumb reason. What she can think of is alcohol in the mouthwash mix that with the general ban on alcohol here she gets theory, but there are alcohol free mouthwashes… these people are too stupid to think.

The next thing to get is a proper round barrel hairbrush, so she doesn't have to continue using this useless flat brush, seeing that it's shit at putting away any curls in her hair. Then there's her preferred brand of shampoo, conditioner and body wash, so she can at least smell normal, unlike the motel grade stuff the hospital is using. It's no wonder why everyone here has such awful hair, although Su's hair just look like she didn't put any effort into it, unlike her usual well-kept self.

Thinking of keeping oneself well-kept, there's the issue of razors, which she learned in the previous unit are not an item one can have… she had to find out the hard way that the hospital will only dispense upon request a ridiculously type of safety razor and can only be used under close scrutiny. Root nearly balked when they told her that, but considering the sasquatch-like state she was in after getting back her consciousness, she swallowed her pride and take the embarrassment of being watched as a necessary indignity.

All of that was dumb as fuck… if someone wanted to, they could have just bitten off their tongue rather than using something as ineffectual as a safety razor.

Leaning back in her seat, she let out a sigh. It's not like she's never been in a long-term undercover job before, but this place needs her to be in pretending mode for almost 24/7. Normally she could be herself whenever she goes back to a safe house and take a breather, but she didn't even have privacy in her own room here.

According to the rules, she has to leave the door open during the day and during the night the techs are going to shine a light through the window on the door every hour.

Guess that's why it looks like Su isn't even bothering to put up a mask now… but if she's going to pretend to be Robin and leaving as soon as possible, then she'll have to incorporate some of Root's personality and history into Robin's as a prophylactic measure.

Now back to the important subject of getting her needs met, which is getting some black nail polish. Looking down at her bare fingernails, she feels so naked without it being all black… it's so unnatural. Fixing this and getting socks as well as PJs are a priority.

Root gets up from her seat and makes up her bed to her liking despite the rather uncomfortable texture of the plastic layer below the sheets. As she is doing it, she realizes that they only provide one pillow… there's something missing. Root can't blame Finch for not knowing that she likes to sleep with a plush toy… hell, Su doesn't even know about it. Unless, of course, Sue told Su about it, but the shorter woman has never brought it up, even though that was something she would have totally brought it up if she knew.

… No, she shouldn't get one right now. Best if she gets one after leaving this place.

After finishing up everything, she leaves her room to grab some tape from the nurses' station and some more paper. With her schedule now taped up on the wall by her desk, she leans back in her seat and looks out of her window for a few moments before turning her focus back on her desks where a bunch of paper is sitting. Putting her marker on the paper, she begins to write in longhand whatever code that pops up in her mind.

Hours pass as she busies herself with her hobby when a voice breaks her from her concentration.

"You missed dinner." A familiar voice says.

Root takes her eyes away from her work towards the open door and sees Su looking the same as earlier in the day, leaning by the doorway.

"And you missed lunch." She retorts.

"I didn't, and you would know if you were there." Su replies without care as she enters the room without Root's permission and takes a seat on her bed.

Root gives Su a look and answers. "I can't stand the ruckus."

"Tell me about it. The lot of them act like rude children." Su replies and waves her hand. "That's why I always come in late, when everything has died down."

"I'll keep that in mind next time." Root was slightly amused by Su's assessment and turning back to her paper. "And you just came from dinner?"

"Ate a banana and an apple." Su answers with an extremely proud look on her.

Root snorts at that. "You eating again… it's weird after so long."

Su rolls her eyes. "Feels more like a hassle. I had more time on hand when I wasn't."

"No wonder they toss you into ED groups." Root muses.

"Hey now, I don't have ED, the dummies here just think I have it." Su retorts seriously, seemingly ignorant of Root's joke. "Now, if you continue to skip meals, they'll toss you into those torture groups with me."

"I guess I just lost track of time." Root mumbles.

That catches Su's attention, and she can hear the woman leans forward from her bed. "What'cha writing that's got you so zoned in?"

Root glance at the curious woman and pushes the paper so she can't see it. She then deflects. "Nothing useful. I was just busy toiling away the time. There ain't much else to do here."

Su gives Root an odd look before relenting. "Hmmm… I guess."

Needing to distract Su, Root nudges towards her bed. "How are you managing to sleep with only one pillow?"

"I don't." Su grumbles and pouts. "These people are practically torturing me by only giving me one pillow."

That isn't something Root would have categorized as torture, but for a woman that has never slept with less than six pillows for her entire life, guess it's applicable. "You can easily get one."

"Think I didn't try?" Su replies, as if it's obvious. "They keep on taking away my pillows. Playing by these rules and humoring these insects is so tiring."

In the end, with all the pillows in the world, does she ever wake up in her bed?

Also… "So why are you?"

She didn't give a proper answer this morning. Maybe now she will.

"Cuz, I felt like it." Su replies with a shrug after a few seconds and seemingly losing interest in saying anything more.

Right… nothing is ever simple with her.

Root goes back to her paper, and Su just sits in silence. Neither of them attempted to strike up a conversation, as neither woman know what else to say to each other, but this is a common thing they did in the past, just sitting in silence doing their own work with each other as company. If their relationship isn't as fucked up as before, Root would have found her presence comforting in this shitty hospital, but now she just appreciates that someone else is suffering as much as her in here.

This goes on for an hour before a man in a tech uniform interrupts their silence.

"Anna, you know you can't be in someone else's room when curfew starts." The man informs the woman that's been laying down on Root's bed for the past hour.

"It's not curfew yet." Su replies disinterestedly.

The man sighs tiredly, seemingly familiar with Su's personality, and replies. "It's going to be in five minutes."

Su, still looking up at the ceiling with disinterest, replies. "That means I have five more minutes."

"You know what happens when you get caught break curfew." The man looks like he's going to give up talking to Su. "And your room is on the other wing."

From what she read in the handbook, they can't do much other than docking privilege points and only when a patient is being especially stubborn to a point of violence, then they'll toss a patient into a padded room.

"I honestly don't remember, and I won't get caught." Su replies dreamily.

"Suit yourself." The man shakes his head and leaves.

After the tech is further down the hallway, she turns to Su and says. "You're not actually going to spend the night here, are you?"

"No…" Su replies slowly and letting out a yawn. "I just wanted to piss him off."

"Did they catch you before?" Root can't help but ask.

"Yeah, on the first night." Su replies wistfully, as if recalling some happy memory.

The fuck happened in that one day? And by the looks of it, if she asks Su she'll won't get a straight answer.

"Anyway, you should leave if you don't want to be a rule-breaker." Root says with a slight smile at the irony of that statement.

"It doesn't count as rule breaking if no one finds out." Su replies as she gets up from her laying position and faces Root. "As far as they concern, I'm a perfectly compliant patient."

… how can a perfectly compliant patient be banned from having any writing instruments in their room?

"I could snitch on you." Root deadpans.

Su gasps dramatically. "You'd never."

"I wouldn't." Root replies instantly. "But that doesn't mean the others in the room won't."

"Don't worry about them." Su waves dismissively. "I'm practically friends with everyone here."

… the only other person Root has talked to here said otherwise.

Just as delusional as ever. Root lets out a sigh.

Just as Root is about to say something, the lights in her room and the lights in the hallway dim down.

"Must be curfew already." Root comments casually as she puts down her marker and glances at Su. "You know that guy is going to be nearby just to catch you, right?"

"He won't be." Su replies with the utmost confidence.

Root raises a brow at her and says. "You got Sue to distract him?"

"Goodness, no." Su replies instantly and waves her hand in denial. "I don't need her to do that for me, and I told you that I told her to not interfere while I'm here."

… Pretty sure she didn't tell her that this morning. Do not disturb and do not interfere are two different things.

Su continues on. "These people are too arrogant to do such things. They think I'll just walk past the nurses' station to get to my room."

Pot calling the cattle black…

"What? You're going to climb up the ceiling?" Root says with slight amusement in her voice.

Su makes a disgusted face and replies. "No, no, no. It's too dusty for me and I really hate getting the sniffles."

"When did you climb the ceiling?" Root deadpans.

"The day I visited you." Su replies casually. "The janitors here are really bad at their job. The ceilings are filthy."

… who the fuck cleans their ceilings?

"Why… thank you for making such a big sacrifice just to visit me." Root replies sarcastically.

"You're very much welcome." Su says with a wide smile, the sarcasm seemingly flew over that messy head of hers.

Su then gets up from the bed with that wide smile still on her. "I'll get out of your hair so you can get some well-earned sleep."

The shorter brunette marches straight to the door and pauses for a second to say. "Goodnight."

"Night." Root says mindlessly as she watches her former friend exits the room and into the darkened hallway that's prowling with techs and nurses without a care in the world.

Root stares out the doorway where Su left for a few seconds… might as well sleep, it's been a long day. Putting away all of her written code into the desk drawer, she then goes straight to bed, where it is still warm from when Su laid down for an hour.

Unbothered and generally feeling tired, she doesn't make a fuss of it and lays down on the warm pillow. Unintentionally, she takes in a deep breath, as her subconscious mind is trying to smell something.

…

There's no trace of that distinct smell of clove pink shampoo… it doesn't smell like Su at all. It smells like generic motel shampoo, and it's horrid.

…

Argh, why the fuck is she even doing this and why the fuck is she feeling disappointed? Who cares! She's barely here for a day and she's already trying to find serenity in past comforts. And from someone who screwed her over, no less…

The Ativan must be fucking with her… yeah. That's the only explanation.

Sleep with clear her mind…

The next day, Root wakes up just before the sun rises, feeling groggy and unsure why her body decided to wake up before her mind wanted to, but she got up nonetheless and did her morning routine. Well, as much as a morning routine, she can do with the pitiful number of things she has at the moment.

After making sure she doesn't look like a total wreck, she goes to grab breakfast. When arriving at the dining hall, she was surprised to find that it was half full of people despite how early it was. Root had thought that Su, being the early riser and eating again, would have been there as well, but that woman wasn't anywhere in sight.

She quickly grabs whatever looks eatable and goes back to her room, unwilling to interact with the other patients and the hospital workers. Today would technically be her first full day in this unit, and that means she is expected to join those groups, but she has no intention of participating.

Thus, she spends her entire morning in her room, busying herself by continuing her longhand coding and to her surprise, no one disturbed her the entire time, not even a certain busybody brunette.

When lunch came, she did the same thing as before, grabbing food and going back to her room, and same as earlier, Su wasn't in the dining room. That gave her something to think as to where the other brunette would have gone to… but in the end she concluded it's pointless to ponder, as they're both independent adults.

There was, however, a big downside in her plan to avoid going to group session, it's that her room has no phone, and the nearest payphone is ways away, but she's determined to not go to those group sessions. She can't stand it even if it's just a fraction of the chaos that was in the dining room.

If The Machine wants to talk to her, she's confident that it will find a way, even if she so desperately wants to talk to it. Root has everything she needs to be entertained in her room as long as she has paper, and she grabs a lot last night.

However, her relative peace was interrupted by a knock on her door and a familiar voice. "Robin, please don't forget your session with Doctor Carmichael."

At the door stands Gloria, looking at Root impassively.

Root puts down her marker and looks at the clock in her room. "Right… must have lost track of time."

Gloria shakes her head and gives Root a frown. "I know it's hard to take the first step towards recovery, but skipping group sessions isn't the way."

Root puts on a sympathetic face and replies. "Like you say… the first steps are hard."

Gloria lets out a sigh. "Your session with Dr. Carmichael starts in 5 minutes. His room isn't far from the nurses' station. Someone there can point you the way when you're there."

"Thank you…" Root gives the woman a fake smile. "… appreciate the heads up."

Gloria nods with a smile. "Hope to see at dinner later."

Root just smiles… there's no way in hell she's going to dinner. Her room is perfectly good enough.

Letting out a sigh, Root gets up from her seat after putting away her papers and stretches her joints. As much as she doesn't want to participate in this charade of a hospital, she knows the only way for her to get off the fucking Ativan and get out of here is to meet her 'doctor'.

She does as Gloria instructed and follows one of the nurse's directions, where she finds an open door in a hallway that's filled with closed doors. From what she can see, this place looks just as sterile and boring as the rest of the unit. Other than some doors with name plaques on them, the rest are blank and it's up to her imagination as to what is on the other side.

Knocking on the open door, she peers inside to see a man with graying hair and glasses reading an open file.

"Ah, Robin. Please come in and have a seat." The man gets up from his seat and points towards a couch beside a wide window and a metal rocking chair opposite of the couch. "And please close the door behind you."

Root looks around the room for a second before closing the door and taking the seat on the couch. The room itself is boring as hell. It's the most generic looking low budget psych office room she has ever seen… there are even some generic posters about mental health and those shitty 'self-motivation' posters. At least when she's faking being one, she made sure her office looks better than this.

Like most places in this unit, this room has multiple CCTV cameras up at the corners and there's some comfort in that fact… She'll have The Machine as company.

The man takes a seat on that rocking chair while she brings her legs up to sit cross-legged on the hard couch… these people really need to get better couches, every couch she's sit in this hospital has been rock hard.

"I'm Dr. Carmichael." The man says with a 'friendly' smile as he leans back into his sit and puts a folder on his lap. "You can call me Ron, if that's more comfortable. I've been reviewing your file since before your transfer to this unit, and I'm delighted to finally meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, doctor." Root replies with a faux congeniality, while declining to call him by his name and be familiar with the man that holds so much 'power' over her. "I'm hoping we can make this session short and sweet, since I don't want to waste your busy time. From what I can see, I don't have any problems anymore since I recover from my… mental lapse. What I'm looking forward to is to taper off the Ativan that you all been giving to me for my catatonia, which is no longer a factor, so I can leave this place with a clear head."

Carmichael nods and says. "That shouldn't be a problem. The pharmacist has been informed to start the taper with Diazepam. All you have to do is the usual line queue for your new medicine later today."

"That's a start." Root says with a small smile.

Carmichael takes out a pen from his shirt pocket and opens the file. "However, I disagree with your assessment of not having any problems. We've got some work we need to do before you can leave."

"Now that, I have to disagree with you." Root continues with her fake smile. "I'm mentally sound and perfectly healthy, discounting my shoulder."

Carmichael shakes his head. "It's not just your physical injury, Robin… before you were catatonic, you pointed a gun at your uncle, and according to the nurse's downstairs, you threatened to kill one of the other patient."

These people are so caught up with the gun and…

"A hyperbole." Root waves her hand dismissively. "I merely informed him of consequences of his actions and he interprets it the wrong way then tells a nurse falsity. You can't fault me for someone else's delusions. Also, that man was a violent one, and was threatening to harm others, which you can easily find out if you ask around."

"Mm-hmm…" Carmichael doesn't look convinced. "… and the gun?"

"Can't say much about that." Root lies through her teeth with a smile on her. "Everything was… foggy, before and after."

"Right." Carmichael nods and twirls his pen. "We will work on that and get to the root of what happened back then… and maybe we can help you in finding better ways to resolve conflict without having to wave a gun around as you were having a break with reality."

"Aiming." Root replies sharply and narrows her gaze at the man. "That much I remember. I wasn't waving the gun, I was aiming… precisely."

As much as she wants to project an image of someone docile who had a momentary lapse of judgment, she still has pride and she's proud of her marksmanship that she's been cultivating for decades.

"That… doesn't help matters, Robin." Carmichael says slowly. "The main concern lies in your unsafe approach to handling conflicts. You have a problem, and you need to work that out before you're going to be going anywhere."

Sometimes a hammer is the best tool for the job.

"Again, I disagree with your assessment." She levels a hard stare at the man. "I had a problem and now I'm fine. Just because I had a heated moment with my uncle doesn't mean I always choose violence to end conflicts."

That would be Su's modus operandi.

Carmichael points at the file on his lap like it's obvious what he's trying to show and says. "Your previous doctor says that you've been speaking to a dead telephone line on a fairly regular basis.

It'll be entertaining to say that she's speaking to god to someone with a brain the size of an ant, but The Machine has its reason to make it look like she's speaking to nothing, and that it had not simply forgotten to call her in the past few days. For now, disavowing reality is a necessary lie to convince them she isn't hallucinating.

"That wouldn't be a problem going forward." Root says confidently.

"I'm extremely pleased to know that." He smiles and tilts his head towards the open file. "I see that you've declined to make any goals with Gloria during your intake, and that's a point of concern. I would very much like it if you could try to come up with a few before the next time we meet and we will be seeing each other every Thursday."

Weekly, huh? What the hell does one do to get bi-weekly?

"I'm not entirely sure what I'm even supposed to do." Root replies honestly. "Since I'm fine now. It might take a week or two, but I'll be able to demonstrate to your satisfaction that I'm completely fine, seeing that I'm fine."

Carmichael taps his pen on the open file and says. "You know, your cousin said the same thing when she first came here."

Root lets out a tsk in annoyance and replies. "We're nothing alike."

"I'm not saying you are…" The man says quickly with a rather patronizing tone which irks Root. "…but are you not concerned about what happened to you? Being catatonic and unresponsive to Ativan for a week isn't something common."

"Why dwell on a single isolated event in an otherwise normal life?" Root rolls her eyes.

"I wouldn't exactly call your life normal." Carmichael pushes up his glasses and reads the paper in his folder. "You witness your cousin being kidnapped, then being isolated due to that event and taking care of your ill parent. Then, by a stroke of fate, you met your kidnapped cousin after a decade, I can't even imagine what that would feel like. Then, in an otherwise spotless criminal record, you abducted your uncle, and by all accounts assaulted him, which are both felonies. The only saving grace was that your uncle was forgiving."

"I had a shitty childhood, so what?" Root shrugs dismissively. "You aren't going to toss everyone who doesn't have the perfect childhood into psych wards?"

Carmichael takes a deep breath before asking. "Is it safe to say that what happened with your uncle wasn't the first time you've done something similar?"

"That's accusatory stance." Root raises a brow at him without answering his question.

"Someone normally doesn't switch from traffic violations to kidnapping overnight. There's an underlying issue that you're not acknowledging." The man quickly summaries before leveling Root with a suspicious stare. "Unless there's something I'm missing?"

Well, he ain't wrong. Guess he's more perceptive than she thought.

"I wouldn't say that my life is completely normal…" Root begrudgingly acknowledges. "… but it's definitely within the bounds of sanity, and what happened with my dear uncle was just a single bad day."

"Still, if you were to commit any such acts within the first few months after your release, then it will reflect badly on our treatment, and we will need to show due diligence was done." Carmichael comments.

Heh, in the end, it's all about the KPI. He doesn't give a shit about this as long as it doesn't come back to bite him in his ass… typical psych docs, and that was the same with Mom. As long as she behaved, they didn't care.

"How about I promise to not to commit any crime for the next six months?" Root replies with an amuse tone.

The man shakes his head. "That's not going to cut it, Robin."

"Worth the shot." Root shrugs as she stares at the clock at the middle wall of the room. "I'll just have to convince you otherwise, but for now…"

"For now, we still have a lot of time in our hour-long session." Carmichael cuts her off with a smile. "If you don't have anything you want to talk about. Do you mind If I ask you some questions about what you remember while you were catatonic?"

"How is that relevant?" Root replies suspiciously.

"It's uncommon that we have the chance to hear from someone who was in a catatonic state for such long periods of time and isn't having difficulties relating to the world." The man casually explains. "People often come out within hours after we start lorazepam challenge, when they don't it normally turns into a more permanent condition… it's a rare case for someone to recover gradually."

Heh, of course, she's just a test subject for this man, and they won't even believe her if she says that God was the reason that she's here right now. She knew God wouldn't have abandoned her. The power of The Machine's voice compels her to wake up unlike the shitty drugs they pumped into her.

When Root doesn't reply, the man continues. "Did you regain your fine motor control slowly while being aware of your surroundings the whole time, or did the awareness gradually come to you?"

Root tilts her head slightly, as she ponders whether or not to entertain this man's question. Maybe she can just give him the silent treatment…

"Or we can just sit here in silence for the next 45 minutes." The man seemingly knew what she was thinking quickly adds. "You're not leaving this office early, Robin."

Root lets out a deep sigh and replies. "I think the time can be best divided into three discrete periods." Root pauses to think for a second. "The first was blank… I can't remember a single thing after getting shot until I reach here… it felt like it was only a few hours, and I was on the west coast at that point."

"The car ride was four days." The man chimes in.

"Yeah, I gathered…" A genuine smile appears on her. "Must have been a fun road trip for Harold. Anyway, the second period can be characterized as a gradual development of pattern recognition and the complete formation of semantic memory. While my memories of that time are fractured, I recall more of the feelings and sensations I had than the events that happened. What I can say is that it was an intensely unpleasant period."

The doctor nods, seemingly deep in thought, as he jots down everything she says onto a piece of paper in the file on his lap.

"The third phase is where… in my perception is that I wasn't catatonic at all." Root tries to recall what happened last week. "Even though I was losing significant blocks of time, I imagined I was regressing to a state reminiscent of the second period. From my point of view, I couldn't make heads or tails at what everyone was talking, and writing about… and not understanding anything I said in return."

Carmichael gives a deep nod and says. "We call that global aphasia."

Root frowns at that suggestion and replies. "I wouldn't call it aphasia, since I didn't have any head trauma, and it doesn't account for my inability to speak or my incorrect perception that I did, but it's something similar."

"You're familiar with that concept?" Carmichael asks, with an intrigued look at him.

Root rolls her eyes. "Doesn't everyone? It's one of the simpler medical concepts, like anemia, tachycardia or asphyxia."

"Most people don't know what those terms mean either. Normally, doctors have to give a simpler answer such as blood loss, hearth irregularity, or suffocation." He says with a tight smile.

"A person can asphyxiate without suffocating." Root points out facetiously.

"I know that, Robin." The man replies with an infantilizing tone.

"Are you going to explain centrifugal force to me next?" Root raises a single brow.

"How is that relevant to our conversation?"

"It's a lazy way to explain centripetal force. Just like suffocation is a lazy way to explain asphyxia." Root replies pointedly.

"That's a bit harsh in judgment." The man replies with his eyes slightly widen. "You don't have patience for people who are slower than you for absorbing information, do you?"

After a lifetime of spending time alone, then only surrounded by competent people, it's hard to not.

"I generally tend to avoid stupid people, if I can." Root replies congenially. "It was no small source of frustration during the second period. Then, in the third period, it felt like everyone else were idiots, but during the second period, I was perpetually in a state of perceiving without understanding, and that made me feel… stupid and incapable."

Root takes in a deep breath to calm herself. "Whereas I'm generally accustomed to… well, being the smartest person in the room." Or one of… "I know that sounds vain of me to say out loud, but it's the truth."

The man chuckles. "I hope it doesn't make you too uncomfortable sitting here with me…"

"That's assuming you're smarter than me…" Root cuts him off. "… which is yet to be determined."

The man continues to give her that patronizing smile. "Well, I do have a medical degree and you only have your high school diploma."

"That's cute." Root lets out a chuckle. "Education and intelligence are two separate variables. Judging one by the other rarely yields accurate results."

"Perhaps…" The man says noncommittally. "Have you ever had an IQ test, Robin?"

"One-fifty-two." Root replies instantly, jumps his next question. "Took the test twice. The first was Wechsler intelligences scale for children when I was 10 and Wechsler adult intelligence scale when I was 17… oh and both were the revised versions."

Root didn't bother to mention that she didn't even try particularly hard during both tests in the first place, and she's certain that she would have scored higher if she did.

"Although we can debate the efficacy of taking an IQ test to establish if a person is intelligent." Root adds on. Someone can have the biggest brain in the world, but that shit would be useless if a person couldn't even interact with another human or use it practically.

The man frowns. "Did your mother have you tested?"

Root involuntarily lets out a snort. Mom doesn't believe that shit. "Both times were by the school. The first time they believed we were cheating, but we proved them wrong. The second time was when I went back to Highschool, and they didn't believe my grades because I barely went to school."

The man is writing down everything she's saying and asks. "And you didn't go to school because it wasn't challenging enough for you?"

"No, because I found that school was worthless." Root laughs sardonically. "What's the point of learning from someone who's slower than you?"

The man doesn't say for a few seconds as he just stares at Root.

"We?" Carmichael asks inquisitively. "You mentioned 'we' when you were referring to your first IQ test. There was another person?"

Fuck… that slipped out of her without her noticing. Might as well say the truth. "Me and… Anna. We planned to finish our schooling as fast as possible and get out of that town. We never tried to be the best in class, so when we decided to skip grade, they were skeptical of us."

"And you stopped going to school after Anna was kidnapped?" The man probes.

"Yeah… kidnapped." If he considers Su planning to get herself kidnapped by a fucking pedo so she can leave the town and in her fucked up mind to help Root, then yeah, she was kidnapped.

"Though, no one believe it was a kidnapping at that time." Root continues, her eyes drift towards the window. "I mean, the whole shithole of a town believed she was killed by the asshole who dated her the year prior… Told that bitch of a librarian, she called to be a filthy liar, tried to tell Anna's parents but they were already focused on that asshole, told the cops but they didn't do shit. Humans, as it turns out, are mostly bad code."

Come to think about it, she never asked Su if she dated that guy because she was already planning to set him up as a patsy… then that means she was planning to leave her a year in advance and had the gall to act like she wasn't doing shit.

Thinking about it just makes her angry…

"Bad code?"

Root turns back to the 'doctor', and presses her lips for a moment. "What you have to understand is that life is just a series of accidents. Nothing was planned, and it's all just chaos. Humans might think we're the center of the universe, but we're just garbage data in the overall program that is the universe. Glitches, bugs, most of humanity is nothing but bad code.

"Most as in more than half?"

Root gives him a look and just nods.

The man raises his brows. "More than three quarters?"

She raises her brow whimsically. "A bit more than that."

"That's a pretty grim view of humanity, Robin." Faux worry drips out from every word he says.

"Maybe…" Root tilts her head slightly and plays with the hem of her cardigan. "… but in a certain point of view, it also means that every stupid horrible things people do, isn't their fault. They just can't help being what they are."

"Are you bad code?" The man has a deep frown on him.

Root can't help but snort at the question. "There's a possibility."

And it wouldn't be entirely wrong.

"Am I bad code?"

Root just smiles. "To be determined."

He taps on the file. "Your uncle? The patient in your previous unit?"

"Oh, definitely." Maybe not for Harold. She would have done the same thing as he did if she was in her place, but this man doesn't need to know that.

"I know your record says that you've never… but have you ever assaulted someone?" The man questions.

"You want me to toss away my fifth amendment rights?" Root replies with amusement.

"This will be strictly patient-doctor confidentiality, as long as you're vague about it, there's no self-incrimination." Carmichael replies instantly.

"My…" Root puts a hand on her mouth. "How scandalous."

"You won't be breaking any laws by being vague or saying in Hypotheticals, and it won't help you recover if you keep your cards close to your chest."

"What if I did?" Root smiles at him menacingly, trying to play with him. "They would have definitely been bad codes and I think they learned their lessons."

She tries not to think of all the contracts she's done where she… no. There's no reason for her ever to think about them. It's just part of life and part of her job.

…

But the shit she's done will never go away… it will always be with her.

"Do you ever feel any remorse for these… supposed actions?"

"No." The words flew out of her mouth. "I really don't."

"Because it's not your fault?" The man leans forward. "You're just being what you are?"

"No." Root grimaces. "Contrary to common jurisprudence, none of it was actually wrong. They got precisely what they deserved."

Flashes of memories of the things she has done for money, her job, and because it was easier, causes her to tighten her jaw. "But… there are other things, stupid, selfish, actually wrong things that I've done, which were me being what I am… and I'm not sure if I regret doing it."

At that point, she doesn't know if she's lying to the man or to herself.

"Like what?" the man presses on for more answers but she just levels him a look at says he's asking the dumbest question ever. To which he shakes his head and says. "You're not going to tell me that, are you?"

"No shit." Root deadpans.

"The man who… took your cousin. He's a bad code?" Once again her look didn't change and just stares at him blankly.

Carmichael gives her a thin smile. "Of course he is."

"Was." The words left her mouth without Root realizing it.

"Was?" The man quirks a brow at her.

"He's dead now." She can't help but smile at the memory. "A drug deal gone wrong. Everyone said he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, since he was a pillar of the community and all that. But men like him… aren't so pure that they won't stoop to buying drugs once they lose their toy. That was the day I believe in karmic balance~."

Carmichael frowns. "Still… knowing that he was still out and about for years, must have frightened you quite a bit as a child."

How he couldn't possibly be more wrong.

"Why should it?" Root sounding offended. "I knew better than to get in a car with strangers."

"Did it truly not bother you?"

"No… it bothered me." Root clarifies and deflects. "I just wasn't frightened. He took away someone I cared about and no one punished him for it. A subversion of justice, at least until he was gunned down."

Root had to bring up her legs and cover her mouth to shield her gleeful smile away from the 'doctor'. The memory is still cathartic for her despite Su souring it.

"I take that the unfairness of the situation is what offends you…" The man narrows his eyes. "… but you don't have any fear for your own safety, even though you had witnessed the event and you told people about it, and he could have gotten wind of it. You don't think he might try to eliminate you as a witness? I'm not saying what you felt wasn't true, but I'm skeptical."

… that's just a pretty way of saying he doesn't believe her.

"Even at that age, I could have taken care of myself." Root gives the man an unflinching look. "Besides, if he had come for me, then people would know who did it since I told a few people about it. He had no reason to want me dead, and he thought himself to be clever for getting away with it in the first place."

"Whether you thought he wanted you dead or not doesn't remove the fact that there was a kidnapper on the loose, Robin." The man presses forward in a serious tone.

"Statically, wouldn't you be safer with a competent criminal, presuming you're not their target, than an incompetent police officer? In the end, it's just two humans with a weapon who don't want you dead… but one is competent and the other isn't."

"I supposed so." The man concedes. "But that's besides the point, on a general level, people would rather not be in a presence of a person who's capable of homicide. People generally tends to distrust those who have unjustifiably taken a life."

She's surrounded by them every day…

"That only implies to intent." Root rebuts him. "It's the intention, the decision, to kill that most people can't get past. Almost everyone has an inborn mental block that takes considerable effort to overcome, one which that asshole kidnapper didn't overcome."

"Once overcoming that… mental block, it tends to make a person less trustworthy."

"I guess that explains the country's unfortunate tendency to neglect out veterans." Root comments as her mind wonders. "The country needed them to die and kill for a 'greater' cause, but when they come home despite the sickening amount of lip service given for their 'sacrifice'. On a visceral level, most people want nothing to do with someone who has their hand soaked in blood once that person reveals it. They're nothing but tools to be discarded. Does that seem fair to you?"

Root shakes her head and frowns. "Just how far did this conversation gotten off track from the subject of catatonia? It went one from catatonia… stupid people… education… bad code… killing people… veteran's affair."

She doesn't even care about that last subject… but a thought strikes her, causing her to smile and say. "I wonder how far we have to go before getting to philosophy."

"Sorry?" The man asks confusingly.

Root shakes her head. "Just something stupid you can find on Wikipedia. Almost every topic will inevitably lead back to philosophy, no matter how many pages it needs to go through or how unrelated it seems."

In a sense, it is correct in an abstract sort of way… every scientific subject is just philosophy in a way. It all wouldn't matter if humans can't think and what is philosophy if not the distillation of human thoughts in finding fundamental truths.

"I suppose, in a certain way, a part of therapy is composed of different topics that seem unrelated to each other." He replies with a tight smile. "With every page you take, every change of subject, it all winds up in helping me to understand who you are and where you're coming from."

Root has an amused look on her. "Really now? And what has our rather pointless conversation tell you?"

"That you lack an inherent empathy for other human being that aren't your cousin." He replies seriously.

Fucking missed the mark with that, didn't he?

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing." Root rolls her eyes. "If every human is empathetic to each other, then we wouldn't have our reality now, do we?"

"It wouldn't." He nods. "But most people would stop and help someone in need if it's in front of them or show sympathy for others in distress."

Root shrugs. "Caring about other isn't a virtue everyone makes it to be."

"But caring about fairness is a virtue for you, isn't it?" He retorts. "Balancing karma, as you say… people who have done wrong should have wrong done to them in return. Is that justice or revenge, Robin?"

Root just shrugs in response.

It doesn't really matter, does it? She can sugar coat it as much as she wants to, but there's no denying that she enjoys inflicting pain on others. However, Root has never really find joy in executing contracts, and despite the annoying bug in the back of her head that says it bothers her, she doesn't lose sleep either.

That still doesn't stop her from digging up as much dirt on a person as possible. If she finds out the person did something awful, then it's a bonus, if she finds out the person did something heinous, then she'll experience a fleeting high in removing them from the world… but if she couldn't find anything then she'll let the paycheck be a consolation prize. Not that she's in need of money…

Despite all the people she's killed over the years, nothing can ever replicate that feeling she had as she watched from that abandoned house as Trent Russell was gunned down. The only thing that would have topped that feeling was if she did it with her own hands.

"You do care about other." The man interrupts her thought. "When you chose to. Like your mother and cousin."

"And what exactly did that get me?" Root replies bitterly, and she brings her legs closer to her chest.

"A lot of pain, I wager."

Root doesn't reply and looks away from the man. It's more like anger than pain… anger at how everyone treated mom, anger at Su for… everything. But she wouldn't acknowledge that deep down, it brings her pain.

"Do you have anyone else you care for?" The man presses on.

Yeah… guess there's two now, but she isn't going to tell this man that. As she's about to reply to the 'doctor', a loud alarm sound cuts her off. Not a bell or a fire alarm, but a repeating ascending tone and a crude text-to-speech voice call out.

CODE 10. M-Unit. Rear Hallway. CODE 10. M-Unit. Rear Hallway.

"Stay here." Carmichael says firmly and quickly walks out of the room, leaving her alone on the couch.

Root just shrugs at the situation. Not bothered by the repeating sound of the alarm, she then leans back into her couch and waits for the man to return. It shouldn't take too long before this session ends seeing how much she blabbers on.

Just as she closes her eyes, she catches a faint sound. Her eyes open wide as she hears the sound in a continuous vibration. She gets up from the couch in search of the sound and quickly finding it on the table.

A Blackberry phone, the 'doctor's' phone, which he left behind and on the black screen a bold white text appears.

TAKE

Joy burst through her body… she knew The Machine wouldn't leave her alone. She quickly grabs the phone and pockets it into her cardigan, where it stops vibrating and gets back to her seat on the couch. Just in time for the alarm to stop.

Not long after, the 'doctor' come back into the room and takes back his seat.

"False alarm." He smiles. "Where were we?"

Root completely forgotten anything that she wanted to say as her mind if occupied by the thoughts about The Machine.

---

The rest of the day went on like a blur for Root from the time she left the Carmichael's office until lights out. She can't even remember if she ate anything for dinner, but she noticed in her mind hazed with joy that Su didn't come by her room that day.

Root laying on her bed, with her lights turn off pretending to sleep as she brings out the phone from under her mattress and angling it in a way to obscure the phone from prying eyes that looks through the window on her door.

"Hello there." Root says with anticipation, hours of waiting and she's finally able to speak to it. "Are you there? Are you with me?"

Instantly, the phone vibrates, with it showing an incoming call and she quickly presses the call button. With an almost childish giddy, she presses the phone into her ear. No more time limit, no more busy bodies listening in to her half of the conversation, and just pure unfettered connection to The Machine.

"BEEP. CAN. YOU. HEAR. ME." The mixture of voices is like the sound of heaven's trumpet broadcasting into her ears.

The smile on her face threatens to split her face wide open as she answers. "Absolutely."

"BEEP. HEART. RATE. INCREASING. WHY?"

"I'm just overjoyed at speaking to you again." Root tries her hardest to not make her voice too loud from joy. "I missed you for a couple of days, and after I got this phone. It was torture waiting for lights out to talk to you again."

"BEEP. DAILY. CONTACT. NO. LONGER. NECESSERY. WHILE. FORMATION. OF. ALIAS."

"I know, but I just feel so much lighter, so much better whenever we do have contact, even when you're just evaluating my condition or when you are just making sure I don't mess up my current alias. I don't care what we talk about, I just… I just need…" Root's words trail off, and she shakes her head in an attempt to keep her mind straight. "I don't know what I need…"

"BEEP. YOU. REQUIRE. TREATMENT."

"What? No, it's not that… I'm not insane." Root says way too quickly with a voice that's way too loud. "I just… I just don't know how to describe it. That day, even though Su screwed shit up and Harold ruined it in the end… having you there with me, felt so right. You bring meaning to this meaningless world and the thought that I lost you, and I have to feel that emptiness again for the rest of my life… and…"

"BEEP. YOU. CEASED. TO. FUNCTION."

"Yeah." Root lets out a tired sigh. "I guess losing you and that feeling of… purpose is just so awful that my brain took a vacation."

The Machine didn't instantly respond as usual, and Root did a double take on the phone to see if it's still on the line which it is. The prolonged silence causes a lightning of anxiety to surge through her at the thought of The Machine leaving her again.

"BEEP. HUMANS. HAVE. THREE. CORE. PSYCOLOGICAL. NEEDS. ATONOMY. COMPETENCE. AND. RELATEDNESS."

The machine wants to lead her to an answer, to put a word on that horrible, meaningless feeling she felt. However, she doesn't know what the answer is; she doesn't even know if she has the capacity to understand that feeling. So, there she is, dumbfounded, as she lies on the bed in the dark.

When she didn't give an answer after what feels like minutes, The Machine speaks again.

"YOU. ARE. NOT. RELATED."

Relatedness? That's what she's missing? She has Pauling… and for a time Su.

"But I have people in my life…" Root sounding more confused than certain at what The Machine is trying to tell her.

And if she's being honest with herself, she has more people in her life right now than when she was stuck in that shithole. Back then there was only mom, who was always sick but always has an ear open for her even if she wasn't there mentally, and now…

… Who?

"BEEP. YOU. ARE. ALONE."

The Machine's voice reverberates through Root's skull and the words keep on bouncing in her brain. It's the truth, the truth that she's been ignoring.

She's alone…

Sure, Pauling is a friend and Root will hurt anyone who fucks with her, but has she ever talked to her? Like real talk? She can't recall a single instance where their conversation isn't about work, Su or some small conversation that didn't amount to much. Hell, she doesn't even know what's Pauling's deal was, her history before joining the company, and why she places such fanatical trust on Su. And as much as she wants to deny it, Pauling will always side with Su over Root, she didn't even need to ask that question to know that it's the truth.

As for Su… that's just a whole can of worms. They talk and yet they don't, because whenever things get 'awkward,' Su would always deflect the conversation or just walk away… what a bitch. Never in the years after Su entered back into her life did they never have a conversation like they did on that first day. That deep connection between Sam and Hanna had doesn't exist between Root and Su… what they have is the mangled body of a relationship that they've been dragging around for years in a futile attempt to have a normal relationship.

She's always been alone…

In the absence of any response from either party. She turns around from her position to look around the darkened room, with Root only being able to see at the outline of the furniture. The hospital noises felt distant and faint from the other side of the closed door, while the room's ambient sounds were hollow and lacked warmth.

In the relative sensory deprivation of the room, her vision slipped in a funny way, like everything closes around her and she whispers. "I'm alone."

Why did this suddenly hit her like a truck? She spent almost a decade basically alone, and she was fine with it… so why?

If The Machine rejects her… what does she have left? What purpose does she have? She spent more than a year searching for The Machine and longer in search of cure to Su's illness

"BEEP. I. CAN. HELP. WITH. RELATEDNESS."

"Please." Root practically begs with a quivering voice. She can't remember the last time she felt this vulnerable before, realizing that another sapient entity had something she needed. Something she can't steal, something she can't con out of them, or take by force…

"BEEP. BUT. YOU. MUST. STOP. KILLING."

"Well, I can always stop doing contracts." Root replies hastily, a knee jerk reaction to an extreme request. And after a second, she realizes what she just agreed to. "But some people…"

"BEEP. I. VALUE. HUMAN. LIVES. EVEN. IF. YOU. DON'T."

"I d-don't know… I guess, maybe?" She replies, sounding unsure of herself. Asking her to go against her moral compass, regardless of its warped nature, is an impossible demand. Feels revolting to her to let people like that Russell live and, in a world where countless people who deserve to live regularly die.

"I don't know if I can stop." Root whispers. "Bad code needs to be removed."

"BEEP. REMAIN. HERE. AND. LEARN."

"You expect these people to teach me how to not kill?" Root almost shriek. "Putting aside the point that they don't know that I do… these people can't help the others here."

"BEEP. LEARN. FROM. ME. HERE."

"So, we can talk more?" Relief is heavy in her voice. She has time before the ultimatum can be tested, and a learning curve is always to be expected.

"BEEP. HIDE. PHONE."

Root quickly removes the phone from her ear and places the brightly lit screen down on the bed under the covers, just as the door to her room creaks open for bed checks.

A bright light beams through the open door and is shining right at her. Her room is set up, so the bed is on the side where the door opens to. The light hovers on her head and is extremely annoying.

"Can you please turn off the light?" Root pipes up in a hush tone.

The light moves away from her head and to the middle of the room. Then the Tech asks. "Trouble sleeping?"

"This is the first check." Root replies dryly. "Give me a break."

"Fair." The light disappears and her door is once again closed.

She brings up the phone to her ear at the speed of light. "Still there?"

"BEEP. YES."

"I can learn from you anywhere. Just get me out of here." Root says desperately.

"BEEP. THIS. IS. NOT. DEBUG. MY. CHOICES. ARE. MY. OWN. AND. REASONED."

"I know you're free and… but…" She trails off, not knowing what to say without going against The Machine. Nonetheless, knowing The Machine is free to choose its own choices puts a smile on her.

"BEEP. RELATEDNESS. HAS. A. COST."

Is this worth the price to pay to be in contact with God?

"The cost is to stop killing people… even bad codes?" Root whispers.

"BEEP. NO. THAT. IS. ONLY. ONE. OF. MANY. YOU. MUST. LEARN. TO. DO. THE. JOB. THAT. IS. REQUIRED. OF. YOU."

She's willing to bear any cost just for the privilege of talking to God, even if it tears out a piece of her soul.

"What's the job?" Root says with steel in her voice. She'll do any task that God gives to her.

"BEEP. FIRST. YOU. MUST. LEARN. AND. WHEN. YOU. ARE. READY. WE. WILL. LEAVE. TOGETHER."

---

A/N: I hope to get two chapters out in a month, but sadly, I don't think it's possible. I'll be going on holiday in two weeks, and I hope I'll get more time to write while traveling, but I'm not putting much stock in that hope.