SuDo Madhouse

by BigBJ

To others Hanna Frey is what she wants others to see, but Sam is the only one that sees her true side. However, given that Hanna has reincarnated into multiple dimensions and universes, it's no wonder that she might have a few screws loose. Follow the adventures of Hanna and Samantha throughout their life. OC-SI into Hanna Frey, A journey of damnation and maybe redemption.

42. Chapter 42: Reset

ROOT POV

With the phone on her ear, Root turns to the clock on the wall.

"Sigh… I gotta go to dinner." She stretches her limbs. "Can't be breaking our promises in less than 24 hours, can we?"

As she's about to remove the phone…

"BEEP."

She freezes her motion and mutters. "Huh?"

"BEEP. REPAIR. RELATIONS. WITH. S. U."

Root feels like she's gotten hit by a softball right to the head at that downright absurd…

"This… is kinda out of left field, don't you think?" Root scoffs, but when The Machine doesn't respond, she continues. "Why the hell should I even do that? She's a total bitch."

"BEEP. NEGETIVE. RELATIONSHIP. WITH. HER. DOES. NOT. HELP. YOUR. RECOVERY."

"Seriously?" Root rises from her bed and swings her leg off to the side. "From my point of view… me being as far away from her will only help."

"BEEP. NEGETIVE."

Her body slumps forward as she lets out a tired sigh. "How… how am I even supposed to do this?" She rubs her forehead with her free hand. "I really want to punch that bitch right in the face for all the shit she's thrown at me… I… I'm not sure this is repairable."

"BEEP. BE. RECEPTIVE."

Root lets out a snort… isn't that just simple?

Not wanting to argue with God again, she let out another sigh as she gets up. "Fine… but I won't make any promises."

When The Machine doesn't reply, she just accepts that as an approval. "Talk to you later."

She puts the phone away in her sweater pocket as she leaves her room where she spots Linda making her rounds in the hallway, looking for any strays that haven't gone for dinner… which is mainly her at this point. Surprise that they didn't just go straight to her room seeing that she slept through lunch.

The Machine made it clear that she shouldn't give these people any excuses to take away her phone again and skipping meals again is giving them an excuse… can't have them thinking the phone made her 'socially withdrawn'.

With her tray of food in hand, she pauses at the corner of the compliance table where they had the decency to not gawk at her, unlike some of the people in this hall, before placing herself next to Roger.

Her hand naturally reaches for her phone in the pocket, but she stops herself before taking it out. The Machine won't talk to her right here, it's too expose right here… and the weight of the phone in the pocket is comforting enough.

Lauren gives her a side eye before saying. "So…"

"Please don't" Root cuts her off as she shoves the mash potato into her mouth.

The woman raises her brow. "Don't what?"

Root takes another bite. "Whatever you're going to ask or say about the whole 'stabbing' or seclusion business… just don't."

"Stabbing?" Tina asks frightfully before coughing out her food. At least she isn't choking on it this time.

"Wait… you actually stabbed Carmichael?" Roger asks in a shocked tone.

"Isn't that what everyone is saying and thinking?" Root stares at her tray before stabbing her roast chicken. "Unfortunately, I didn't, and merely had the pen right up to his throat. I threatened to stab him, and if I had, I wouldn't be here right now, could I?"

"Oh… well… that's good." Roger replies, but he says it in a way… it's a good thing a doctor wasn't stabbed, rather it's more like 'good job'.

She gives the man a confused look. "Good? No moralistic outrage?"

Roger shrugs. "I guess you could have done it if you wanted to?"

"Would have if he had answered wrongly." Root takes a bite of the chicken. "Sadly, the restraint team got me before he could have answered. So, there's nothing to be proud about."

"What's the question?" Lauren asks, but promptly backs off once Root gives the woman a glare. "Forget it."

"Anyhow, I guess… I'm joining this little… compliance club, or whatever it's called." Root mutters as she takes a sip of mango juice. "She wants me to give this whole shit a chance… so I will."

Roger raises a brow. "Who?"

Root lets out a sigh… fuck it. She takes out the phone and places it on her tray for all to see.

"Right, let's get this over with." She mutters and points at the phone. "Her. Ask away."

Laura is the first to jump in. "Someone on the phone told you to comply?"

"Yes." She answers before taking a scoop of mash.

"Who is she?" Lauren presses on.

"God." Root answers briskly.

Roger gives her a look. "God talks to you through that phone?"

"It isn't as insane as it sounds." Root replies defensively. "I'm not talking to a biblical god or something like that. She's not a metaphysical spirit, or a made-up deity of religion. She's digital, sculpted by the hands of a man, a perfectly designed artificial intelligence… in essence, she's the closest thing to a God that has ever verifiably existed."

The three of them give her a thoughtful look before Laura muses. "That's some Serial Experiment Lain shit right there."

"What the hell is Serial Experiment Lain?" Root asks in utter confusion.

"It's an anime…" Lauren begins to explain, but stops for a second. "… Anime is a form of Japanese…"

"I know what anime is." Root cuts her off. "I speak the language."

Lauren's eyes widen in interest. "Seriously? That's cool. Anyway… it's about a little schoolgirl that's super obsessed with computers and finds God on the internet, which turns out to be a software, then figures out she's a software too and she ascends to godhood herself."

"Kinda? I guess…" Root quirks her head. "Although I'm pretty sure I'm 100% wetware."

"That's it?" Roger asks. "Just the one person, one God, on the phone and she wants you to comply with treatment?"

"Pretty much." Root answers and takes another bite of her dinner.

"That's not completely out there for this place." Roger comments. "Usually people with auditory hallucinations in here hear all kinds of voices giving ideas and telling them to do all kinds of bad stuff… and they can't get rid of the voices just by hanging up the phone. Then again, they can hear voices without a phone…"

"I need a phone because she's not a hallucination." Root snaps at the man and withdraws the phone back into her pocket.

"See, that's the weird part." Roger continues unbothered by her. "Basically everyone else in here, well the ones you can actually talk to, know they're sick… for most of the time and you just don't accept that fact, do you?"

"Nope." Root replies as she takes another bite of the chicken.

Roger squints at her. "But you're going to cooperate with treatment, anyway? Just because she told you to?"

"Look… I'm not what would you say, a good or moralistic person." Root shrugs. "But she is, and she wants me to be… better. So maybe this therapy shit can make it easier to not feel horrible when I don't do 'bad' things to people."

"You… you feel horrible when you don't do bad things?" Tina says. "That's scary, you know?"

"Good." Root replies offhandedly as she brings a forkful of chicken to her mouth but stops when she feels the phone vibrate and a high pitch ping. She lets out a sigh and put down her utensil. "No, not good… see… to her, that's a bad thing. It feels right for me to make you scared, but… it's not. You're an okay person and didn't deserve that… I'm sorry."

Tina nods. "It's okay."

"Speaking of scary." Roger comments. "Can I ask you a question?"

"That's already a question." Root deadpans.

Roger rolls his eyes. "Don't be an ass."

She shakes her head. "What's the question?"

Roger nodded in a direction. "Is it just me or is your… cousin staring at us with a creepy joker grin?"

Turning to that direction, she spots Su sitting with the nutrition group but unlike the few times Root seen her there, Su isn't dissociating… no, she's completely focus and her focus in on Root and true enough she has a grin on her face. And that grin grows wider at the sight of Root looking at Su.

That's different…

Did the woman do something while she was indisposed? There're no signs of chaos around them… so she didn't do anything overtly obvious.

"She's looking at me…" Root turns back to the group and her food. "…Not you all."

"I mean… why the creepy face?" Roger asks.

"Who knows what goes on in that brain of hers?" Root shrugs and takes a bite of her chicken.

"Is she going to hurt us?" Tina asks timidly.

That's not an impossibility, but… "Have you pissed her off?"

"How do you piss her off?" Lauren asks.

"By existing within 3 feet of her." Root replies dryly.

All of them shake their head and she replies. "Then that's your answer."

"Still odd why she's staring here… she's normally has her head in the cloud." Lauren comments.

"Like I said, who knows?" Root rolls her eyes. "Maybe she just discovered the joys of masturbation and needed an outlet to show her giddiness."

The compliance gang looks at her like she's insane before Roger asks. "What?"

"Honestly, that's a completely impossible reason." Root mutters. "Seriously, though… don't mind her. She probably does not acknowledge your existence and has something to tell me."

There's nothing to overthink about this… that woman is going to pop into her room soon enough and tell her anyway… she has that mad glint in her eye.

She turns her gaze back to the group and joins in whatever mundane conversation they're having to distract herself from the oncoming storm… maybe she'll just loiter around the day room for a bit.

…

Sure enough, the moment she steps into her room, she spots Su sitting on her bed… and juggling some of her books for some reason.

"What are you doing?" Root asks as she stops at the doorsill.

"I can't remember which book I read previously." Su replies without losing focus on the four books she's juggling. "So, I'm going to read whichever book falls off first."

"The book isn't even there…" Root mutters before asking. "And how long have you been juggling?"

Su just shrugs casually as she continues to juggle. "How long has it been since dinner? So maybe it's been a few minutes."

… It's almost been an hour since dinner finished.

Root gives Su a deadpan look as she asks. "Since when can you juggle?"

That seems to have done the trick to change Su's focus from the books to her as she gives Root a dumb stare. "Since birth?"

Predictably, the books fly everywhere, and one hits Su's head, causing the yelp in pain and rub her head. "Oh great, this is going to swell. Look at what you've made me do… I lost focus and…"

Root deadpans and cuts her off. "You wanted a book to fall off."

Su blinks at her before grabbing the book that bonked her. "Right."

"You never told me you can do that before." Root can't help but say that out loud.

"Hmmm?" Su is still rubbing her head before shrugging. "You never asked."

Of course, that's the excuse…

"What book is this? Reamde?" Su asks confusingly with a slight hint of mockery as she stares at the book in hand. "Did someone make a typo?"

Root eyes the book in question… she hasn't read that one yet.

"That's not important." Root shakes her head as she leans into the doorsill. "Why are you here? What do you want?"

With that, she grabs back Su's attention, who lowers the book and raises her brow at Root. "You weren't here for the last two days."

Root rolls her eyes. "Even without Sue, I'm sure you know the reason by now."

Su says nothing, so Root continues. "To be frank… I thought you would have made more of a ruckus after finding me missing and where I was."

The other woman thoughtfully nods. "The thought of busting you out did cross my mind a few times… but you're a big girl, and I'm sure you've handled worse than the bouncy room."

Huh… that's surprisingly mature of her.

Root shifts her position uncomfortably. She knows The Machine wants her to 'repair' or whatever the fuck that means, things between them, but… must it be today? Why must God give her the toughest battles?

She lets out a sigh. "If you're just here to check on me, I'm okay… so leave… or don't beat around the bush and tell me why you're actually here for."

Silence falls between them as both woman stares at each other looking for something unknown in each other eyes.

After a few moments of silence, Su finally says. "You lied to me."

"Lied?" Root frowns at the woman.

"You had a phone…" Su continues with a slight hint of amusement in her voice. "… You're talking to the machine, aren't you?"

Root takes in a deep breath and narrows her eyes at Su… she can be perceptive if she chooses to. "I didn't lie, and you never asked."

Su's smile grows larger, tittering on the brink of mania as she replies. "How long have you been talking to her?"

"Before I came up here." Root answers instantly, but her entire existence freezes when she realizes… "Her?"

Su practically has a manic smile right now as she stares back at Root and does not answer.

She can feel and hear the heartbeats in her ears. Then she remembers what The Machine said earlier and it all clicks.

"You're talking to The Machine too." Root whispers in shock.

"Yup." The happy tone in Su's voice broke something in Root.

"What the fuck?" Root finally fully enters the room and slams the door behind her before pacing around the small confines of her cage. "What the actual fuck?"

"No swearing, Root." Su chides with the same amused tone.

"Go fuck yourself." Root replies instinctively as she quickens her pace.

"So uncouth." Su replies mirthfully.

She finally stops in her tracks to look at the woman, feeling her chest pounding and her breaths deepens. Need to get a grip on herself, she can't unravel in front of… this person. Taking a few deep breaths, she then takes a seat on her chair by the desk, where she stares at the gleeful Su in silence.

"Why didn't she tell me anything?" Root mutters after a few seconds of contemplating. "Why didn't you tell me anything?"

Su still has that smile on her quirks her head to the side and says. "You never asked."

That depends on the winds of anger from her sails, so much so that she collapsed deeper into her chair.

"I spent a year trying to find the machine…" Root laments as she rubs her forehead. "…and finally getting to talk to her for a short time. You just strolled into this, and she called you?"

"Sounds about right." Su replies as blinks a few times. "Why are you being all melodramatic? Isn't this great?"

"Great… Just great." Root replies hollowly. This… Is that why The Machine wants her to talk to the bitch again?

… She's not special.

"How long?" She asks with a dead voice.

"Hmm?" Su gives her a look of cluelessness.

"How long has she… you two been talking to each other?" Root asks with shuddered breaths.

"Like two or three weeks ago? Could be longer, and I lost track of time." Su replies flippantly. "But she did ghosted me… that term is correct, right? Pauling usually would correct me. Whatever, she avoided me for quite a while. We're only talking more recently."

That's… that feels like around the same time as when The Machine first called her. Her heart feels like a pit of despair as a small chip of hair falls into the pit. Does this mean she's not God's only chosen?

With a voice full of pain, Root asks. "Why did God choose you, too?"

"God?" Su replies quizzically, as her head recoils slightly. "Isn't that a bit pretentious to think she's a god? She's basically a child."

"She's the closest thing we have to a God." Root snaps back.

"What the heck are you talking about?" Su has a perturbed look on her. "She's just metal, silicon, and electricity. Sure, she's a superior being from us meatbag humans, but she's no God… and don't be sacrilegious."

"Sacrilegious? Really?" Root lets out a mirthless laugh. "Coming from you? What a fucking joke."

Su frowns at her. "I just wouldn't label her as a God… it isn't right."

This woman's views on god and religion are a fucking mess and lingering around this topic is a waste of time.

Root shakes her head. "What does she want with you?"

"I could say the same for you." Su challenges back. "Why is she talking to you?"

Why must she be such a…

She closes her eyes to take a deep breath before letting it all out and proposes. "How about we both say it at the count of three?"

Su nods. "Reasonable."

They both start in unison. "Three."

"Two."

"One."

"She chose me." Root answers and at the same time Su says. "A job."

"A job?" Root scrunches her face.

"What's with this chosen thing?" Su mutters.

"What do you mean, a job?" Root asks.

Su turns to look Root directly in her eyes. "You first, then I go."

Root taps at the side of her thighs before letting out a tried sigh. "Fine… I don't know what she wants with me other than she wants me to get 'fixed' and for a task that I have no clue about. Now you."

"Girl…" Su drawls out the word. "We're in the same boat. She just told me she got a job for me and that she doesn't need someone who blanks out every time there's a loud sound or when I'm annoyed."

Root lets out a snort. "No kidding… The only time I've seen you not disassociating is when you're in here."

"I resent that." Offended, Su says. "I'm perfectly functional."

"Right…" Root gives Su a nod and replies sarcastically, "Like you don't have a thousand-yard stare whenever I see you in the dining hall."

Su just raises a brow at her as if she's telling a lie, which she can only scoff at.

Then, at that moment, it hit her.

"She?" Root asks aloud. Did The… "You call The Machine a she… why's that?"

"Felt… right to call it her." Su replies with a shrug.

Just for whatever reason, that answer causes her to giggle softly, and she feels that pit in her chest shrink.

After a few moments of Su just looking at her oddly for the giggling, she asks. "You said a job… Did she say what kind of job?"

"Nope." Su quickly replies. "She's been annoyingly vague about the whole job thing… honestly, she's a bad client. I'm assuming she is being the same with you?"

"You could say that." Root replies with a shadow of a smile on her as her hand clutches the pocket where the phone is in.

Su shakes her head. "Only bad clients don't give a proper briefing about the job."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways." Root says with a slight southern accent.

"Don't compare her to the lord." Su rolls her eyes before focusing on Root. "I'm assuming by the term chosen, she's giving you a job too… so you're following what she says too?"

"Yup." Root replies without a second thought. Her too, huh? Wait, a second… "You know that her view on the value of life is the complete opposite to yours, right?"

"Yeah… it's kinda her flaw, isn't it?" Su nods solemnly. "But it's part of our little shtick for me to follow her absurdist rules and morality."

"Why would you ever agree to that?" Root says in a surprised tone. "I could have never stopped your mindless killings, but like a flipped switch The Machine can?"

"I don't mindlessly expunge humans." Su says defensively.

"Oh, come on, don't lie to yourself." Root bites back. "You would have murdered every single person in this place just for existing, if The Machine wasn't holding you back."

Su blinks for a few seconds before replying. "I wouldn't say it has not been a challenge to not… expunge the hag… or the group of starvers… or the uniform humans, but I've never removed a human for no reason."

"Sure, just live that delusion." Root mutters to herself before saying the next aloud. "What changed? For as long as I can remember, you hate authority or something that can control you."

"I can taste salt again." Su replies within a second.

Once again, her brain stops functioning for a few moments before saying. "What?"

"Yeah… It's faint, but… I can taste salt in my food again." Su says softly, and no longer does she have that manic smile. It's now replaced with a genuine smile. "After twenty long years."

"Salt?" Root gasps out.

"Yeah…" The look on Su's face is something she hasn't seen in… so long. "My food no longer tastes like ashes… and… I think I can taste sugar again… The jelly thing they gave for dinner… it tasted like something smooth without a hint of ash."

"How?" In her gut, Root knows how… but she needs confirmation.

"The only factor I can think of is the machine, I think?" Su shrugs. "I'm not entirely sure myself… but it all begins after I started talking to the machine… or it could be coincidental. My guess is as good as yours."

Good thing she's already sitting… she swallows a lump in her throat and whispers. "It worked."

"It actually worked…" A smile spreads on her lips as she stares at the other woman. "… The Machine… she fixed you."

"Jury's still out." Su waves a dismissing hand. "But… it's the best hypothesis we have right now."

"No…" Root shakes her head in glee. "God fixed you."

Su clicks her tongue and frowns at Root. "It's blasphemous to even equate her to God."

"You don't even fucking believe in God, Su." Root snaps back.

"It's the principal of the matter." Su replies childishly.

"What fucking principal?" Root gives the woman a look. "In what reality does one hold the position of both denying the existence of god and revering one?"

"In every reality?" Su gives her an annoyed look. "I don't have to explain my higher cognitive principals to you."

"We're both in a fucking mental hospital." Root deadpans.

"How's that even relevant to this conversation?" Su asks with genuine confusion.

"This isn't going anywhere." Root lets out a long sigh. "Can we just agree that The Machine is fixing you?"

"Debatable, but I'm leaning towards it and for your sake I'll agree to that assumption." Su replies with a shrug and to Root's annoyance.

"You're impossible." Root replies with a ghost of a smile on her.

Neither woman says anything for a minute, just sitting in each other company in silent, just like old times… before Su says. "Why did they toss you into the bouncy room?"

She lets out a snort and replies. "Pretty sure the entire unit knows why by now."

"Why should I care what others have to say?" Su replies instantly while shooting her a frown. "The only person I'll listen to about you is you."

Root feels her throat tighten for some reason as she looks away from Su's intense gaze and says. "For the most part it's all true… Stole the guy's phone, got caught, then used a pen to convince him."

"So, the pen worked?" Su genuinely asks.

She lets out a soft chortle. "It was, and it wasn't… The Machine… she planned it all… it was all part of The Machine's plan."

"She planned for you to be thrown in that bouncy purgatory?" A dark look falls on Su's face.

"We… had a disagreement on my 'doctor' and I wanted to kill him." Root shakes her head, knowing she has to disarm whatever thoughts are in Su's head. "You know her stance on that subject… so she had me thrown into that room before I could kill that man as a lesson on cost benefit analysis."

Su doesn't say anything as she just stares at Root… and she has no idea what's going through that noggin of hers.

Slowly Root can see the dark look on Su's face lifting, and she finally says. "That's a butthole move by her."

"Butthole?" Root mutters to herself. It feels like she's been hit by a brick on the head as she gapes at Su. "That's new…"

"It's harsh but…" Root says aloud. "I was so set in my way to kill the man and she prevented me from doing so as she aught to."

Su clutches the book in her hand as she leans back and mutters. "Hmmm."

Root eyes the volatile woman for a moment and asks. "You're not remotely interested in why I wanted to kill that man?"

The other brunette makes a face. "Do you even need a reason to put someone to sleep?"

"Of course, you'll think like that." Root deadpans before she lightfully snaps. "We literally just had that argument."

Su just shrugs. "We did?"

Something in her snapped at that callous display.

"Jesus fucking Christ, how bad is your memory that you can't remember our conversation from like 10 minutes ago?" As much as she wants to raise her voice, she maintains an even keel one. "Or are you just fucking with me?"

"Oh, calm down Root, you know you shouldn't use the lord's name in vain and I would never do such vulgar thing with you." Su just replies normally. "As for my memory… I'll admit… it might not be the best when it comes to remembering what most people say or do or what I did yesterday or what I ate for lunch or if I brushed my teeth… there's a lot of stuff for me to remember and remember those worthless stuff is just a waste of space in my limited meat of a brain… but I can say with the utmost certainty, it does not apply when it comes to you."

Root brows rise higher and higher as she listens in to what Su has to say.

Su continues on. "Make that as you will… and don't think I enjoy being so… limited in my… my biological incapabilities."

The only thing Root can say is as she looks back at Su's hollow eyes. "Okay."

After a beat of silence falls between them, Su asks. "So, what now?"

"Coming from you, it can be a whole host of things." Root replies.

"I mean…" Su lets out a sigh. "Are you really going to do what the machine tells you to?"

She shoots the woman a look. "Of course."

Su raises her thin hands and points at Root. "But you practically look healthy already. You aren't even using your sling anymore."

"That's what I've been telling everyone!" Root feels relieved that someone finally agrees with her even if that person is Su. "… But apparently, according to The Machine, I have 'issues'."

Su quirks her head slightly. "You're blanking out too?"

"No." Root answers instantly. "I'm still trying to figure out what it means."

Su lets out a snort. "She's not really that helpful, isn't she?"

"She's not the most forthcoming." Root concedes. "But in a way, it's more interesting to interpret what she means by ourselves."

"More like annoying." Su mutters as she fiddles with the book in hand.

"Hey, just think like The Machine's words are like the words of the bible, it's up to your personal interpretation." Root makes a light joke.

Su with utter seriousness replies. "I've never read that book."

…

She's serious, isn't she… then how the hell does she know a lot about the bible and been quoting it?

Root shakes the thought away. "You find anything that inconvenient to be annoying?"

"How's that wrong?" Su gives her a dumb look. "That's the very definition of annoyance."

"The difference is… almost everything is an inconvenience for you." Root shot back.

Su points at her. "That's just slender."

"Uhuh." Root hums. "You really going to follow The Machine's instructions?"

"Do you have such little faith in me?" Su puts a hand on her chest. "In a way… I've been following it since I got into this little purgatory of ours."

"I'm just a bit surprise." Root admits. "You're usually not easy to convince."

"I wouldn't say it was easy." Su raises her brow. "We spent hours going back and forth about the subject… but the temptation of getting back what I have lost overwhelms my other desires."

"I'm guessing you got a cellphone too?" Root asks.

Su pats her empty trouser pocket. "I have, however, it's not with me right now… although I expect to get it back soon."

"How about you?" Su nods at her. "Finally going to join these idiotic groups? I haven't seen you in any since you came here."

Root lets out a groan. "Yeah… guess you're going to see me more often."

"I barely see you at all." Su mutters.

Does she really not notice her during mealtimes?

Then a thought shot through her. "By the way, who's your doctor again?"

"The hag." Su replies without a second thought.

"Her name." Root deadpans.

Su gives her an odd look. "Do I look like someone who would remember a pest's name?"

"She's your doctor."

"So?"

Root rubs her brows and takes a measured breath. "Describe her physical appearance."

Su shifts around her bed as if it'll jog her memory before answering. "Older than us, taller than me, but not as tall as you, and has graying hair."

"McIntyre is your doctor?" Root speculates. That might explain why… she's given a lot of leeway if Su is an example.

"Who could say?" Su shrugs.

Literally the person who's in the doctor's care?

"Anyway, it's almost lights out." Su claps the book in her hand. "Can I borrow this?"

"No, I haven't read that and buy one if you want one." Root replies with no remorse at all.

Su gives Root a hurt look before putting the book down and standing up. "So, mean…"

Root lets out a breath she doesn't know she was holding at the sight of Su leaving the room peacefully.

That… went better than she could have hope for.

---

"You're coming, Robin?" Roger asks when he notices that she stops just behind the compliance group. "You don't have to if you're not comfortable."

She looks at her phone for guidance, but there's nothing on it other than the time -0900- before looking up at the man. "I'm sure this is nothing."

The man nods and enters the room. Root takes a breath and enters the activity room.

Entering the room, she sees that everyone from the unit is in here and Su's already seated down near the window with a look of utter boredom etched onto her face. The pale brunette didn't even acknowledge Root entering the room.

Gloria is sitting in the middle of the circle of chairs where Root follows the compliance brigade and takes a seat between Roger and Tina.

"Good morning, everyone." Gloria calls the meeting in order with her usual smile before turning her gaze towards the window. "Justine, Lilly, I'm going to need you to take a seat, please."

Gloria gestures at the two pacing women by the window and to the available seats near to Su, which with reluctance both woman takes a seat.

"Before we start with this morning's goals, I have a few announcements to make." Gloria raises her hand. "First, with the weather becoming sunnier each day, sun block is available at the nurses' station for those who want to spend any length of time on the sun deck. Please make use of it, especially you white girls, and nobody likes sunburns."

Several people chuckled and whispered to one another. Root meanwhile turns to Su, who's the palest person in this room… and isn't paying attention at all. Not that it's important since she barely ever goes out into the sun willingly.

"Second, we're missing one purple color pencil from the art room and before anyone asks, yes, we count them. If it conveniently turns up on the floor by the nurses' station, then no one is going to ask questions, but if it doesn't and we happen to do room inspections… no one wants that, do we?"

A few people mumble no, while a few give others a suspicious glare and the rest don't seem to care at all.

"Third, Thomas is transferring down to D-Unit, so everyone please give him a round of applause." Gloria waves her hand towards a scrawny-looking man.

To Root's surprise, most of the people here are enthusiastic celebrating the man's… advancement? But the man himself doesn't look like he's at all comfortable with the attention if the nervous smile on his face is anything to say.

"Alright everyone, the last is that we have a new admit on to the unit, and we're going to have her introduce herself." Gloria gives the new patient, who's sitting opposite of Root, a beaming smile.

"Uhh… hi, I'm Abby." The woman awkwardly waves her hand and shrugging at the same time. "I guess I'm here because I found out that you can't kill yourself by taking a whole bottle of Celexa."

"Alright Abby, let's not give anyone here any ideas." Gloria intervenes. "It's not common, but it can be fatal."

"I guess I'm unlucky then." Abby replies while looking dejected. "Or lucky… not sure about that yet, and I guess that's what I gotta figure out here."

"A 100% lucky." A petite woman comments, and a murmur of agreement goes around their little circle.

"Right… um, I've got nothing else to add." Abby turns to Gloria for direction.

Gloria gives the new girl a thankful nod and continues. "Alright, let's start with goals now. Most of you know the drill. Let's start with… Bill and go left, so Abby can get the gist of what we're doing before it's her turn."

"Oh… okay." Bill shifts his posture at the discomfort of being the first. "I'm going to talk about… my brother, in family issues today."

"Umm… mine's not really for today, but Friday." The next person is a slouching woman. "I want to pick activities in weekend planning and go do all of them."

"There's ice cream for desert tonight." A very thin man, someone Root's seen around Su's table but hasn't gotten a name. "I'm going to try to do a spoonful."

The listing of goals continues on around the circle and reaches Su, which makes her perk up her ears.

Miraculously, no one needed to notify her. Su just comments with a detached voice. "I will not blank out today."

… That's an uneventful statement, and some people let out a soft snort at that which draws the ire of Gloria. Guess that's a common enough statement for her to say for this and by the rection, not something she normally achieves.

It continues on to the next person until it eventually lands on Lauren.

"I left my desk drawer open by an inch." Lauren bounces one of her legs with one hand, clutching it. "I'm trying to not go back and fix it until after the self-assessment group."

"I… aa…" Tina, sitting to Root's left, hesitates. "I'm giving radical acceptance another shot today… I didn't succeed last week, but I want to… soo… a… yeah."

Then, like an avalanche, every eye in the room lands on her, even Su's, and it causes her brain to go blank for a moment, which makes her feel incredibly stupid because she knows what she's going to say. She takes in a calming breath as her hands unconsciously tighten her grip on her phone.

Root gives a disinterested shrug and replies. "To go to group. I'm going to group."

"That's a stupid goal." Abby mutters loudly, and all eyes vanish from her towards the new woman.

"Not really." Roger says defensively to Root's confusion.

Abby points at Root. "And has no one noticed she has a cell phone?"

Lauren palms her face while Tina reaches out with her hand and places it on Root's shoulder to hold her in her seat.

What the fuck? She wasn't even planning to stand up.

Root shoots the woman a look that conveys her thoughts, and to Tina's credit, the timid woman lets out an embarrassed chuckle before taking back her hand.

"This is why we had a meeting yesterday." Lauren mutters into her palm.

"We don't call anyone's goals stupid Abby." Gloria chides the new woman. "I'm not going to mark you on that because this is your first day, so please don't repeat that mistake."

"You guys had a meeting about me?" Root asks the compliance gang, but her words fall on deaf ears as everyone's concentration is on Abby.

"This isn't my first rodeo." Abby crosses her arms. "In every place I've been to, you're supposed to go to groups."

Thankfully Tina turns to Root and explains. "About the phone and how it doesn't… have service."

Meanwhile, Roger, for some reason, was defending her. "She's only been here since the previous Wednesday, and this is her first time she actually comes to group… so yeah, it's a pretty big goal."

"You can say it doesn't work." Root grins at Tina while holding it upside down to the other woman. "I know it's what you all are thinking."

"And the phone doesn't work." Gloria adds as she stares down at Abby.

"See?" Root chuckles lightly. "That's what everyone thinks."

"Just roll with it." Roger advises the new woman.

"Or she'll go super psycho if you mess with it." The woman beside Bill adds.

Gloria snaps her full attention and chides at the woman. "Martha!"

"If I knew coming here would cause such a ruckus, I would have just stayed in my room." Root rolls her eyes as she bounces her leg.

"It's not you, it's Abby." Roger tells her softly.

"No one here is in any position to be calling anyone else a psycho." Gloria chastises the slouching woman before turning her fury away to… "And Abby, if you have any question about the phone, you can ask me after we're done here, and I'll answer."

Tina leans in towards Root and adds. "You should definitely stay."

"Alright now, there's way too many talking going around here." Gloria raises a firm but not hostile voice to catch everyone's attention. "Everyone shush. Tina, Robin, Lauren enough chitchat and pay attention. Roger, Goals."

Roger thinks for a second before replying. "I'm not going to pick my scabs. I know that was the goal last Friday, but they're really at that itchy stage and it's really hard to ignore it. I hoped that it would have passed during the weekend so I can do something different, but… right now it's where I'm at."

The person next to Roger continues on and so forth until…

"Abby?" Gloria prompts the woman.

"I'm going to go to group." She replies smugly, causing a few people to mutter in disapproval and a few to giggle.

"Okay, everyone, you know the drill. Chairs back to the table." Gloria completely ignores Abby's attitude and pushes her flock forward in a semi coordinated fashion.

She follows everyone's cue and pushes her chair to the nearest table. When she's done, Root stands back from all the shuffling, not entirely knowing what to do, and so she steals a quick peek at Su, who's already seated at a table where most of the people are visibly skinny.

Rubbing the phone in her hand as if it'll give her guidance, she then takes a seat at the same table where the compliance gang after she notices where everyone sort themselves.

Once everyone is seated, the techs go around the room to pass out papers, and each person gets a single sheet of paper. Gloria weaves through the room with a few manila folder in hand and gives certain papers from her fouler out to specific patients.

When she finally comes to Root, she stops and looks through a paper she has in hand before handing Root two papers from her folder and a blue paper pocket folder.

"This is for keeping the papers in." Gloria points at the paper pocket folder. "You will need to turn it in today, but you'll get it back at individual."

Gloria nods at her before she goes to the next person, while Root just stares at the mess of papers on her desk. In her view, there's no rhyme or reason to the colored papers, with the sole exception of the normal ones. Taking her time to stack everything neatly, she places her phone at the edge of the paper, before taking a blue marker from the stationary cup in the middle of the table and angling the paper to be more comfortable writing.

When her pen hovers over the paper, she stops herself from putting ink to paper as she just realizes… what the hell is she supposed to do?

The nurses' station had some simple questionnaires about people's progress and had a few lines to write about anything that has changed… but this paper is just blank, with nothing on it except for dotted grids and there's no instruction anywhere visible.

"Ahh… Roger?" Root leans towards the man and points at her blank page. "What even am I supposed to do here?"

"Have you done a goal sheet with Dr. Carmichael?" Jerry suddenly pokes his head in between them.

"No?" Root turns to the interloper with a questioning look. "We haven't reached that part of our 'therapy' yet… so I don't have any goals."

"Right, right, you need to do those first before this page makes any sense." Jerry scratches his chin. "You got individuals on Thursday, isn't it?"

"Yup." Root replies with slight annoyance.

Jerry leans away from them and puts his hands on his hips. "Yeah… I'd talk to him about it then."

"She's seeing Anita today instead." Gloria interjects into their conversation. "I was going to tell you after this… Dr. Carmichael needs a little time after… what happened."

Which causes Root to let out an amused snort and shine a satisfactory grin at Gloria.

"With her then…" Jerry corrects himself. "Once you have that done, then you can use this page to track your progress from week to week. So, it's fine to leave it blank for now."

Root just gives an uncommitted shrug as she moves to the next page, which consists of circling answers into two columns.

"Huh, according to this…" Root calculates her answers. "I'm extroverted, conscientious, open, mostly stable and not agreeable. Guess it's kinda correct except for the open thing because I'm so not into the whole openness and sharing thing."

The only person she's ever been open to was Su, and that's now down the toilet.

"Yeah, I don't know why they call it that." Tina comments. "They really should call it creativity or something else."

"Some other versions of this test call it intellect." Lauren adds.

"That makes more sense." Root mutters.

"How do you figure you are mostly stable?" Roger asks without looking up from his paper.

"The only thing that's true is irritability." Root twirls her pen. "I don't get scared, or angry or worried, or any of this stuff."

Roger finally turns to her to peer at her paper and squints at the columns. "But you marked irritated."

"That's why I said mostly." Root replies.

"Fair enough." Roger shrugs before going back to her paper.

Looking around her, it seems that everyone is grossly engaged with their papers, while she doesn't have much left to do.

She can't help but steal a quick glance at Su… who's… just making circles on her paper with the most uninterested look on her, and as if she senses Root's gaze, she turns up from her paper to look at Root. Who in turn looks away.

Not wanting to stay idle with her own thoughts, she continues on with the next paper.

---

With the self-assessment group done, a good portion of the patients has family issue group next and she can't be more grateful for her false the false identity Finch gave her. The orderlies wisely allocated that time for her individual session since Robin Farrow practically doesn't have a family with the whole disowning thing with her mother… much like Root's, except that Root doesn't have a reclusive billionaire uncle.

She slowly works her way down the maze of hallways to her next appointment with her phone firmly in hand. As she reaches the offices area, she can't help but pause for a moment at the man's office room and peers into it, but there's no one in there.

He really took a leave of absence from a pen to the neck?

What a wuss.

She continues on down the hallway, passes a few more offices to reach her destination.

"Good morning, Robin." Dr. McIntyre greets her as she enters the room and the doctor ushers towards the couch on the other side of the room, which she makes her way to after closing the door.

The layout of this room is very similar to the man's office, except for McIntyre's desk, which is facing the wall… looks like she doesn't see patients from behind a desk. Same as when Root pretended to be a therapist.

Good to know that this woman doesn't need a desk as a power boost that comes from a position of authority from behind a desk.

Root takes a seat on the couch, which is quite certain is the same as the one in the man's office and in place of a rocking chair, McIntyre's has a rather cute Prussian Blue upholstered barrel chair.

"This might not…" McIntyre takes a seat on that chair. "… be quite as helpful as seeing your regular doctor, but… Well, I do hope that you can understand why Rob might need a little time before continuing his duties."

"He can take a sabbatical for all I care." Root smiles as she adjusts her position to be more comfortable and rests her chin on her hand. "I wasn't overly attached to the man."

"The plan right now is to give it a week." McIntyre smiles. "You should see him again on Thursday."

"Bummer." Root deadpans.

"I want to start today by going over your self-assessment sheets." McIntyre brushes away her comments. "Is that fine with you?"

"I mean… this is kinda my second session ever with someone." Root tilts her head. "Like I only met that man a few times, but none of those were full sessions, more of him just telling me to shut up at night and the whole mess with the phone."

"That's a valid point." McIntyre concedes and looks down into her folder. "If I'm reading this right… you believe you got worse since you came into the hospital care and yet you rated your present feeling as good?"

"'Twas a good at the start, then poor in the middle." Root answers and waves her free hand. "And now I think I'm back to good."

"I presume the unfortunate accident that happened recently is the cause of the drop. And there's nothing else going on internally?" The doctor asks, but her tone tells Root that she already knows the answer. "Normally I would like to dig a bit more into that… but considering your circumstances, I believe you're probably accurate that this drop has an external cause."

"I would seriously question your medical credentials if you don't see how abusing seclusion might do to a person." Root remarks coolly as she leans back onto the couch.

To McIntyre credit, she didn't contradict her, instead she turns back onto her folder. "No new symptoms… you sure about that?"

"Yeah?" Root deadpans before continuing. "This past week has been pretty… average, of course, except for me being thrown into seclusion. But I'm pretty sure that was always going to happen… like you said, I attacked my uncle and the doc from my previous unit over the same thing. If anything, I'm short of a symptom which is I didn't go catatonic."

"I think I see where you're coming from. These symptoms are new to us, but not to you." McIntyre flips through her folder. "Your fatigue assessment is about where we expect, considering your sleep deprivation, so nothing is out of the ordinary here. On the other hand, the depression questionnaire… you answered that you're never angry and never scared. Then on emotional stamina & frustration questionnaire… you wrote in 'emotional reserves are fine, I'm only irritated because I'm stuck here'."

"Multiple choice answers suck like that." Root shrugs. "They don't always give you the right answer available."

McIntyre gives her a measured look and replies. "Robin… no one is never angry and never scared."

"Didn't know I'm no one." Root makes a surprise look. "Thanks for the update."

Unlike what Root expected, the doctor didn't show any kind of response to that and instate presses on. "And if your emotional reserves are fine, then why are you irritated?"

"Because I'm stuck in this loony bin, and like I wrote, captivity is irritating." Root gives her a bored look. "You don't have to be emotionally drained to be irritated by people being up your ass 24/7."

McIntyre just nods and continues. "You got 2s down here on sadness and on joy & fulfillment, and outlook on life. Do you want to talk about that?"

"I admit that I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself anymore, and as long as I'm in here, I'm treading on water." With both hands on her lap, she fidgets on her phone. "Also, how can any sane person feel fulfilled when they're wasting time being locked up? And how do they not feel sad when they feel unfulfilled? I don't know when any of that is going to change and let's say I have a grim outlook on life base on my current circumstances."

"So…" McIntyre gives her a look of consideration as she threads forward. "You would say the reason for this downturn is that you're here and no other reasons? And if you're out tomorrow, it all change?"

"Oh, 100%." Root quickly answers. "I mean, fulfillment wouldn't come right away, but I'm able to look forward to the future and I wouldn't have my hands tied down anymore."

"What would you do?" McIntyre questions leaning in towards Root. "What would make you fulfilled?"

"That's… that's the part I'm uncertain about… once again I'm a kite in the wind with nothing holding me down. I've fulfilled my previous goals and have no projects to look forward to. I found her and fixed her." Root turns her gaze towards the rows of file cabinets and shows the phone to the doctor. "I'm unsure of where we go on from here and I have to wait for her to tell me what I'm supposed to do, but I trust it's going to be fulfilling."

"And you don't have any ideas of your own?" McIntyre asked with interest, miring her face.

Root pauses for a moment, thinking if she should say the next part out aloud, but remembers what The Machine told her and answers. "I'm not sure if I trust my ideas at this point."

McIntyre nods and looks at her folder again. "I take it that's why you marked that you think less highly of yourself than you used to?"

"Kinda… it's not that I changed my perception, more so a change of values. I've known since I was a kid that I wasn't what society would call a good person. It's just that I didn't care, and I just accepted that the world was shit and I did what was needed to live in a shitty world." Root finally turns her gaze to the phone in hand as she thumbs it for comfort. "From another point of view, you can say that I have no moral framework… and I kinda agree, but… I think… think maybe I need one now. However, I wouldn't say that I changed my view of myself much… it's just I'm no longer satisfied with it."

Root mind flashes back to the moments of all the moment in her life that shaped how she from the moment she first experienced mom's outbursts to when she met a quiet lonely girl in the library to seeing that girl disappear, to her first kill, then to the first person she killed with her hands not long after that, and all the shit she's faced until now.

"I don't want to disappoint her." Root says softly. "I want to be better for her."

"You want to change because… you met someone." McIntyre begins slowly. "And when you look yourself through their eyes… you don't like how they see you."

Root only hums in agreement as she admires the phone.

"Bettering oneself for someone else is a common impetus for change." McIntyre comments as she turns to another page. "You've only marked restlessness on the anxiety questionnaire… do you believe it's from anxiety or…"

"Captivity jitters." Root cuts her off. "Seclusion… made me feel extra… constraint. I hate that feeling."

"Give it some time, and it's only been a day. I'll make a note for Dr. Carmichael to follow up next week and make sure it's resolved." The doctor pulls out a page before closing her folder. "I've left this one for last, because it's a very interesting form."

Perking Root's interest, she asks. "How so?"

"Were you aware of what this sheet is?" Root shakes her head, and the woman continues. "It's an evaluation of a specific symptomatology of what we suspect is your underlying condition."

"You mean…" Root can feel her entire body tense as her body unintentionally coiling itself and gripping the phone to a point of pain. "… what my mother had."

"Yes." McIntyre answers clinically. "But what's interesting to me is that you filled it out with answers that correlate almost one-to-one with what I would have answered on observance of you…"

"Well, there's a lot of 'or I have been told' in those questions." Root cuts the doctor off again. "I've been told that I'm hallucinating, which you all insist there's no way I'm talking to anyone on the phone. I've been told I'm hostile and uncooperative. I've been told I have questionable ideas. However, at least for this week, there's no denying that I've been aggressive and destructive."

"That might be it… but given the unusual amount of self-awareness on this page." The doctor gives her a look that Root can't decipher. "I'm suspecting you've self-diagnosed quite some time ago. We have suspicions and short observations… but you know, don't you? And you've been keeping tabs on the progression."

"I'm not a doctor, nor am I a medical professional." Root replies dismissively.

The doctor just maintained her gaze. "But what's your unprofessional opinion?"

Root turns away from the doctor and takes a breath as she weighs her options. The truth is that she had accepted this was going to be her fate years before the first signs ever showed itself. The question is whether she should tell another soul about it. Root can just run damage control and convince the doctor that this wasn't a thing… but she might have tipped her hand too much on the stupid assessment.

Is there even much of a choice? It's either giving them the ammo to confirm their suspicions or risk eventually getting caught lying about it and still have them having those suspicions.

"Robin?" The woman asks worryingly.

Fuck… she took too much time thinking. Looks like there's only one choice.

"In my totally unqualified professional opinion; yeah, it's in my blood." Root replies dryly.

"But you still don't believe you need help…"

"There's nothing to help." Root cuts her off bitterly. "Do you know what they called her? Treatment recalcitrant… a fancy way of saying nothing works. Someday, be it in a year or in a decade, I'm going to wind up just as bad as her or worse, and there's nothing anyone can do to fix it. In the end, I will end up checking into a place like this for the rest of my life… but I'm not there yet. I still have time."

Hopefully she'll die before she reaches that stage.

"You don't believe the catatonia, homicidal ideation, hallucination is a sign that maybe you are out of time?" McIntyre presses.

"I'm not hallucinating, and I admit that my mind went on a break for a while, but I'm all good now, just like before. Actually, I'm better than before, because now I have her." Root emphasizes it by showing the phone to the doctor.

McIntyre gives the phone and Root a measured look before replying. "She's going to help you manage this?"

"Yup."

"That's where I want to go next. You're going to want to keep these in your folder." McIntyre puts a stack of paper onto the table between them. "When we put someone in seclusion, it's important to discuss the situation afterwards. We call that debriefing. That's why I'm seeing you today… would you like to talk with me a little about what happened?"

"Do I really need to repeat everything again?" Root whines. "Like, what do you not know already?"

"We only have our perspectives. So far, I've only had limited information from your point of view, and I would like to rectify that."

Letting out a sigh, Root asks. "What do you want to know?"

McIntyre nods a thank you and says. "I would like to acknowledge that this is about Saturday night and not Friday night. Which also I would like to acknowledge that we're not considering Friday to be an incident for you. By all accounts you went willingly, behaved yourself remarkably considering the situation, and nothing that happened on Friday is going to be held against you at all…"

Root nods and waves her hand in dismissal for the doctor to move along. She doesn't need to hear these people covering their asses for the fuck up they did.

McIntyre seemingly understands and stops her disclaimer. "Okay… as I mentioned before, we got the gist of what happened from the staffs and now this is your chance to give your account."

Root pauses for a second to collect her thoughts before saying. "After… Tuesday night. They took me back to see Carmichael… and, well, he essentially taunted me the moment I entered his office. He said he knew I would rather talk to her, but I have to settle for him instead. Quite devious of him, 24 hours stuffed in seclusion, with practically no socialization since lunch time. My guess is that he was trying to make me starve for interaction, so I'd talk to him, which is completely ridiculous because I didn't even give him the silent treatment. He just didn't like my answers."

"What do you mean by that?" McIntyre tries to hide it, but she can see that she's curious.

"I only had one proper session with the man, and I suppose he wasn't satisfied with the level of sharing." Root answer with a slight smile. "I've never done therapy before, did counseling ages ago, so I could be wrong, but I'm sure it wasn't supposed to feel like a police interrogation… right down to the frequent implication that I was lying or intentionally holding back information."

McIntyre nods in understanding. "And how did it go from there?"

Root lets out a tired sigh. "I as what he wanted to talk about, then he said the truth, which is absurdly vague. What are you really thinking, Robin." Root mocks. "I told him exactly what I thought of him, and I told him he should give me back the phone because the truth about our disagreement was whether to kill him or not. Then he had the ridiculous notion that killing him was her idea, and I had to clarify his misunderstanding. By that point, any logical and reasonable person would have given me back the phone, don't you think?"

"My opinion isn't important here." McIntyre replies coolly. "It's all about your account."

"He called my bluff." Root scoffs. "And I think we all know what happened next."

The doctor nods. "Jumped up his table to threaten him both physically and imminent, resulting in your seclusion."

Root grins at the woman. "Thank you for not saying I tried to kill him."

"You're very much welcome." She returns the smile. "Now, if you can recall, please describe for me the feelings before and after all of this, and why you were feeling them."

"Contempt… an ass load of contempt because he was being contemptible."

"Putting your feeling for Dr. Carmichael aside, what did you feel internally?"

That causes her to pause… there's no denying that she felt something strong and unpleasant in her, but she's never been good at identifying her ambient internal feelings. When it's directed at another person, that's easy… but without a target, that's complicated. The best she can do regarding her emotional state of being is feel good or feel crappy.

"Bad? Irritated." Root shrugs. "I constantly feel irritated in here, but also bad… bad and irritated."

"What do you mean by bad? You felt like you were bad?"

"No, I mean I felt like crap." Root blurts out, surprising herself by the sudden, uncomfortable admission. "I really don't know how else to describe it."

"Wait, a second." McIntyre mumbles as she goes to one of her filing cabinet to grab a sheet of paper and give it to Root. "Would this help?"

Root look over the paper. The contents are arranged into three columns of words, alphabetically arranged, and all of them listing out emotions. Her knee jerk reaction is to throw the paper back at the doctor, but she goes through the list and ruling out a few.

"Bitter and bored." Root answers. "Both of 'em… frustrated and irritated, but we've already covered them. Resentful, that's a good one, and I was definitely feeling trapped in that stupid room."

Root quickly goes through the paper once more before handing back the paper to the doctor. "Trapped and bored."

McIntyre waves her hand. "No, you can keep it, and I've got a bunch of them. They're handy when patients have difficulties describing their feelings. So, you're feeling bored and trapped about the seclusion and bitter, frustrated and resentful about…"

Root cuts her off. "We both know that I didn't belong there."

"So, it's about the unfairness." McIntyre concludes. "You felt wronged."

"Wronged… that wasn't on your list." Root mocks as she waves the piece of paper.

"But it's a good addition, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Root admits. "That… I should use that word more often."

"Maybe write it in the paper for later." McIntyre suggests lightly with a smile. "Has anything like this ever happened before… these kinds of feelings?"

Root raises her brow. "You mean besides the time I pointed a gun at Harold and the doc downstairs?"

"Fair." McIntyre chuckles. "So, what do you think could have been done better, or different?"

Root shakes her head. "It's pretty obvious, isn't it? Don't misuse seclusion and don't take my phone."

The session continues on with the doctor, peppering her with questions about her feelings and as much as she doesn't want to continue on with the subject, she knows she needs to uphold her end of the bargain. The rest of the day zooms past her, with lunch, then later art therapy, which was honestly nice, and wellness which was boring.

Now with dinner finished, Roger speaks up. "So Robin… now you're doing stuff. You're coming to the movie discussion with us before lights out?"

Root glances at Su, who's just playing around with her food and totally closed off from everyone around her. Doesn't seem like they're going to have another chat again tonight.

"I uh… I can't. I need to charge my phone." Root taps her pocket where the phone is at. "They didn't fully charge it before giving it back to me and I don't want to wake up tomorrow with a dead phone."

"Just drop it off at the nurses' station on the way there and we'll get it after." Roger suggests without malice.

"Not gonna happen." Root snorts. "Maybe in the future, but now, after what they pulled? I want to see if they're going to give me a charger to bring back and if not, I'll just sit in the hallway where they can see me, so they can make sure that I'm… I don't, use a flimsy wire to garrote someone."

"Garrote?" Tina asks cautiously, seemingly reduced to her usual one-word contribution during meal time.

"To choke someone to death with a cord." Root replies in a manner of fact way.

"There's a word for that?" Lauren asks, out of morbid curiosity.

"Yup." Root replies as she takes a drink of her juice.

"Why is there a word for something so specific?"

"There are a ton of words that describe the different ways of killing people." Root replies with slight amusement. "Defenestration, that's pushing or throwing someone out the window, Mao's favorite. Exsanguination, which is draining of blood, immolation, setting someone on fire, evisceration, ripping someone's guts out. Then there are the more pedestrian ones like, asphyxiation, deprive someone of oxygen, decapitation, cutting someone's head off…"

"What if you go through the car crusher?" Roger asks.

"Sorry to disappoint, but it's just crushing." Root replies with mock sympathy. "That's one of the boring ones like shooting, hanging, strangling, beating, electrocuting…"

"What's this?" Gloria butts into the conversation. "This does not sound like an appropriate conversation, especially for you, Robin."

"It's my fault." Lauren speaks up. "I asked about words that mean kill, but in a specific way, because Tina didn't know what garrote means and…"

"Garrote?" Gloria cuts her off.

"Choke to death by a cord." Lauren and Roger answers at the same time to Root's amusement.

Gloria shakes her head. "Yes, I know what it is, but how did the word come up?"

"That'll be me." Root replies sweetly as she puts her hand up, like a kid in school. "Was talking about charging my phone and how you folks won't let me charge without supervision because you think I might… I mean I won't, but this is M-Unit so…"

"That is one of the reasons no one is allowed ropes, strings, or belts." Gloria nods. "That and hanging."

"It's strangulation if you use a belt, not garroting." Root corrects the nurse.

"Robin, off the subject now." Gloria warns.

"Sorry." Root replies with a mock frown.

"We don't discuss killing with people who have homicidal ideation, unless it's for a group." Gloria addresses the rest of the table. "Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am." Lauren answers and Gloria moves on from their table.

"Odd that she's still here during dinnertime." Root comments. "Thought she was day shift."

She turns to the other for an answer but only receives shrugs from the compliance gang.

"So, god's in your phone and homicidal ideation." Roger's first to speak up. "You left that part out."

"I thought it was obvious considering what happened." Root just shrugs.

"Kinda figured you just snapped that day." Roger says.

"Oh, no." Root shakes her head. "I had a plan in mind but wasn't going to act until Saturday, funnily enough, and I was going to make it look like an accident, but Carmichael, being a dick, ruined the plan. Anyway, Gloria might materialize again and have our asses if you keep asking about it."

"Wait…" Lauren says, with a hint of worry in her voice. "You had a day and a plan in mind?"

"Yeah." Root answers honestly.

"But you still think you don't belong here?" Lauren presses on.

"Even though she told me I do and I kinda agree now… but a part of me still doesn't." Root answers as she takes out the phone and caress it. "I've been thinking like this for a long time, and I'm not convinced if that's something I want to stop."

"Because it makes you feel horrible if you don't?" Roger asks.

Root gives a reluctant nod, and she isn't even sure why. It isn't as if she's ashamed of killing. If anything, she's proud of her skills, but telling these particular people is unsettling… might because they're too nice.

"She doesn't like it." Root clutches her phone. "Not even if it's just hypothetical planning… so I'm doing my best to not be… murderous."

"Girl… you definitely need to be in here." Roger says in a manner that was ripped out from a TV show. "What if you hadn't been? What if you went all postal out there? You'd actually be in jail forever."

Root gives the man a side eye. What's his problem? That's a slight to her professionalism in her field of work, albeit they don't know her profession. However, at that moment, she really wants to say that she wouldn't have gone to jail because she's good at what she does, that this wouldn't be the first person she's killed, hell it wouldn't be the hundredth. She wants to put terror into his eyes and make him eat his words… but she just takes a bite of her dessert.

"I'm sure she knows that." Lauren tries to soften the tension at the table. "And you don't need to rub it in."

Her eye twitched at that comment. That's just one more person at this table that thinks she's an incompetent murderer.

"Quit assuming that I'm dumb enough to get caught." Root grumbles caustically, as she finishes her dessert. She can't fall back on her reputation, but she can at least put a stop into this line of thinking.

"Sorry." Lauren shrinks a little, while Roger just shakes his head in disappointment.

What is he disappointed about?

With a sigh, Root gets up with her finished tray in hand but stops herself before going away. "Sorry… I just get irritated when I have no power. See you guys tomorrow."

"It's fine." Roger gives her a sympathetic look. "We all have our ups and downs."

Without saying anything else, Root just turns away from them and returns the tray before going to her next destination.

"Hey Robin." Linda speaks up when she spots her as she stands by while someone is at her computer. "What's up?"

"I'm out of battery." Root holds up her phone. "Can I use the charge cable?"

"A charge cable?" Linda tilts her head.

Ingrates… "A phone charger. You need one to charge a phone."

Linda looks around her station. "I don't know if Dr. Carmichael gave us a charger." She turns and looks behind her. "Hey Dory, did Dr. Carmichael pass us a charger for his phone?"

A tall African American nurse gets up from her seat and goes to one of the many cabinets. "Not one I recall. It's unlikely that day shift won't inform us if he did, unless he puts it in Robin's bag… Nah, the only thing in here is black nail polish."

Root stares unimpressively at both nurses. "Right, well, a micro USB works too, any micro USB works."

"Uhh… like my iPhone charger?" Linda flashes her phone at Root.

"No iPhone doesn't use a micro-USB." Root says as if she's telling a kindergartener their ABC. "It uses Apple's own proprietary lighting charge cables so they can mark it up as much as they want to."

"I think I found one!" Dory pulls out a cable and gives it to Root.

Without even giving it a second glance, she knows what it is.

"Where the hell did you even find something this old?" Root says in disbelief. "This is Mini-USB. This shit's been out of date for years."

Linda gives a skeptical look at the end of the cable. "Pretty sure this is a micro-USB."

"This is a mini-USB. MINI, not micro." Root slams the deprecated cable on the counter. "I am surrounded by Luddites."

Linda raises her hand. "Okay, Robin, you need to calm down now."

"I am not un-calm." Root spits out as she stands straighter and feeling a rant about to come out…

"Okay done!" The man by the computer who's been quiet throughout the entire speaks up, cutting through the tension like a hot knife through butter and looks up to Root. "I can get you a micro-USB cable."

"Who the hell are you?" Root eyes the interloper.

"Name's Chuck. I'm the IT guy for the hospital." The man says as he gets up from the desk and addresses Linda. "Everything should be good as before."

The man turns back to Root. "Just give me a few minutes to grab a spare cable from the office and…" He turns to Linda. "… you can use Linda's power brick."

"That's fine with me." Linda shrugs and smiles at the man before he turns back to Root.

Root lets out a huff of built-up emotions and mutters. "Go on then."

The man beams at Root before strutting away… odd man.

"Do you want to leave your phone with us and go to tonight's activity?" Linda asks as she nods at Dory, who goes back to her desk.

"Out of the question." Root replies with a roll of her eyes. "You people aren't touching it, and there's an outlet right here. So, you guys can just watch me."

"Robin…"

"I don't trust you people." Root snaps. "Not right now, not after the stunt you people pulled naught three days ago."

"We didn't know." Linda says softly as she takes her seat. "Everyone thought things were above board and only to find out it wasn't yesterday. We trusted in Dr. Carmichael and I'm sorry for that. But you can't hold this against us forever."

"No, I can't, but I can hold it against you all for quite some time, and trust is earned." Root replies. "Speaking of Dr. Carmichael, you should call him and ask him to throw in this phone's charger as well, so we… don't get into another mishap like today."

"He's on leave now, but I'll message him, so he'll bring it when he comes back." Linda nods as she writes down a note.

"Thank you very much." Root mutters as she leans onto the wall opposite of the Linda and gives the woman what she called creepy staring. Linda, meanwhile, busies herself and tries ignoring Root's incessant staring, which is so entertaining.

Thankfully for Linda and regretfully for Root, Chuck comes through the door within 10 minutes of his departure.

"Here's the cable." Chuck says as he places the correct charge cable on the table. "Although I'm still not sure why you have a phone in the first place."

"She's convinced that she's sane and her auditory hallucinations can't be manifest without a phone." Linda explains swiftly.

"She's not a hallucination." Root interjects.

"Right…" Chucks eyes her oddly before addressing Linda. "I ain't a doctor, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to indulge the hallucinations."

"Of the two of them… the voice is the one with a working moral structure." Linda makes sure to use the correct term. "Kinda like Jiminy Cricket. She needs the voice to not hurt people… and the docs are calling it a transitional object."

"That's one hell of a brain bug." Chuck chuckles. "I'll stick to computers, thank you very much. At least it's less messy."

"It's not a bug, it's a feature." Root shines a lopsided smile at the IT dude as she closes the distance between them, causing him to jump a little. "But you're totally right on the people part. It's a mess and computers are better."

"Oh, you like computers?" Chuck takes a step back.

"Charger brick, please." Root palms her hand out and Linda deposits the item in it. "Thank you."

"I very much like computers." Root answers the man as she makes her way to the outlet beside the nurses' station and takes a seat after plugging it in. "And she's an AI." Root continues talking to the man as he didn't go away. "Not that any of these ants would know."

Chuck, seemingly curious about Root, pushes himself away from the desk and stands near to Root. "If it's a feature, then how did you end up in here?"

"Wetware error." Root smiles and taps her noggin. "Got shot and became catatonic, but as you see now, I'm good as ever… just a few kinks to smooth out. Although these people think keeping me here can change things that are already working as designed."

"Not such a brilliant design, is it?" Chuck counters. "I mean, you are attached to a phone…"

"Not my design but hers." Root cuts him off. "Humans aren't designed. We're just an accident, but she was perfectly designed."

"An AI… Wait, a second." Chuck raises his brows. "Are you by chance the one who's been coding in longhand?"

"So Gloria did have someone check on it." Root chuckles. "Gloria thought it was gibberish."

"It's very impressive." Chuck replies.

Root grins at the man. "No offense, but I'm surprise that an IT guy in an under-funded hospital understands what I coded."

Chuck chuckles. "Yeah, no worries, I'm just a CS undergrad who wasn't the best in class and my home is nearby, so when the gig opened up here, I took it."

"Huh… I guess never judge a book by its cover."

Chuck gives her a wide smile. "I wasn't joking when I said it was impressive, even though I've never used that language, but to do it without a text editor is just insane to me and definitely above my skills. You're a dev, right?"

"God no, I can never be a full-time dev and I have no formal training. I'm just a programmer that routinely does… cybersecurity." Root grins from ear to ear.

"That's vague as hell, but I think I get what you're trying to say." Chuck chuckles. "You know you're like 100% less creepy when talking about computers, you know that?"

"I would hope so, because I'm trying to be nice." Root smirks.

Chuck cracks his neck and nods. "Maybe it needs a bit more work, and I gotta go now. Can't leave my cave for too long. What if I missed someone calling for their password again?"

"Sounds boring as hell." Root groans and sinks onto the armrest of her chair.

"Hey, it pays the bills." Chuck shrugs and walks away. "Oh, and make sure to give that charger back to Linda, okay?"

"Sure, Bye Chuck!"

---

Yesterday had given her the wrong impression of how life would go here when she started going to groups. She thought today's group would be like art therapy or wellness, but this is neither nice nor boring.

That's what she thought of the cognitive-behavioral therapy group would be, either entertaining or boring, and honestly, it's her fault for thinking as such given the name, and her general knowledge about it, but this is just… testing her will to The Machine and her goals.

She planned to just sit here and listen, but this kind of therapy involves actual work, weird written work.

So, there she just sits, staring at the paper while everyone around her busy themselves with the task at hand. Hell, even Su is writing stuff, even though she looks like she can fall asleep at any moment… which is odd since the last time Root checked the woman isn't narcoleptic despite her terrible sleep schedule.

"Robin, you've left all the thoughts blank." Danny, the group lead, peers over her shoulder to her discontent. "Trigger, Automatic Thoughts, New Thoughts. It especially doesn't work if you skip the last one."

"Don't know what to put." Root shrugs. "Never done this therapy stuff before."

"Alright." Danny pulls a chair from behind and sits next to her. Root slid her phone into her left pocket to keep herself between him and her, all the while trusting that Roger to her left won't bother her.

Danny reaches for her paper and slides it closer to him. Reading what she's written, he raises his brows. "Okayyy…"

"What?" She asks innocently.

The man gives her a look that says 'really?'. "Robin, why is everything here about killing people?"

"The last one isn't." Root points it out on the page. "Stun gun rarely kill."

Although she can think a few times, she's accidentally stunned someone to death… like how would she know they had an underlying condition that can't take a shock for over 10 seconds?

"You're going to be as difficult as your cousin, huh? Alright… um, here." He slides over a fresh sheet for her. "I can work with that one, so let's start over again."

He taps on the paper and waits for Root to write her answer again in the top box.

TRIGGER: Unexpected non-incidental touch.

AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS: Stun Gun.

"Okay…" Danny gives her a look. "Intellectually, can we agree that it's probably a terrible idea to taze every person who touches you?"

"Not everyone." Root clarifies. "That's just dumb and will lead to many problems. Like if I'm standing in a crowd, I'm expecting to get bumps and jostles. What I'm talking about is a sudden touch, and I'm not easily surprised."

"Shocking every person who startles you is just too extreme." Danny leans forward. "You might stun a friend or family."

"I don't have friends." Root replies instantly and condescendingly as she shifts her posture to a more relaxed one. To her left, she can feel Roger shift his position, but nothing too offensive.

The statement itself isn't entirely false, with Su… being Su and her friendship with Pauling is at a Schrodinger cat… a Schrodinger friendship seeing as the bubbly woman is devoted to Su.

"Imagine a lost child spotting a kind lady who might help them find their mommy." Danny throws a hypothetical at her. "A little old lady who needs directions. A store clerk asking if you need help?"

"Fair points." Root concedes. "Harsh examples, but fair ones."

Danny smiles at her. "So, what would be a better first thought?"

"Identify, then stun if need be." Root answers.

"Identify, that's good." Danny points an elated finger at her. "Just put that down… although not the second part. We're focusing on replacing knee-jerk reactions."

NEW THOUGHTS: Identify.

Root writes it down in the box, then just stares at the page trying to think of something else that she didn't write earlier.

"Trouble thinking of something else?" Danny asks after a minute of her staring at the paper.

Root gives the man a lopsided grin. "Am I so obvious?"

"Okay, usually when we do this kind of exercise." Danny leans back and crosses his arms. "The things we usually work on are, for example; when I mess something up, everything is ruined forever."

"Isn't that quite extreme?" Root quirks her brow.

"If I eat that cake I will become fat." Roger postures another statement.

"Depends on the size of the cake and metabolism of the person. Is it like those huge cakes?" Root counters back.

"If everyone around me isn't happy, then I'm a failure."

Root recoils slightly. "I'm sorry, but how does that even make sense?"

"These are examples of other people's automatic response, Robin." Danny explains. "The challenge recognizes the automatic thoughts that are not useful. When something takes place and a strong negative, irrational thought crosses your mind. Something where if you do it, even though it's a not bad thing, you immediately feel like you've done wrong. We're here to find those thoughts and stop them."

Root gives the man a dumb stare and replies. "I don't do the whole guilty thing, Danny. I've never felt guilt."

"What if it's a bad thing, but it feels right?" Roger interjects into her conversation and gives her a pointed look.

"A good suggestion but like what?" Danny nods at Roger.

"I think I get what he's trying to say. I like to scare people and when someone looks like they're afraid of me." Root gives Danny a predatory grin. "I think, good I win."

"Okay, that's a start." Danny nods and points at the paper again, seemingly not affected by her. "Write it down."

TRIGGER: See someone scared of me

IMMEDIATE THOUGHT: I win.

"You know that's wrong, right?" Danny probes her.

"I can see that it might not be good, and I'm still not convinced it's wrong yet. Although not entirely convinced homicide is wrong either, she's the one that insists that it's wrong and I'm trying to do things her way for now."

Danny looks like he understands who she's referring to, nods and challenges her. "And how do you think she would react to that kind of thing?"

"Tells me that scaring them does no purpose and to stop." Root speculates as she thumbs the outline of the phone, and The Machine didn't ping her. "She wants me to feel remorseful or bad for scaring people."

"What's a way for you to articulate that thought on your own?" Danny asks.

Root ponders for a second while continuing to caress her phone. "Stop it. You're scaring them?"

NEW THOUGHT: Stop it. You're scaring them.

"That's really good, Robin. You'll get the hang of this in no time." Danny gives her a bright smile. "How about another?"

She gives Danny a look and drums her finger on the paper. "I have another one… but you will not like it."

Danny gives her a passive look. "Let me be the judge of that."

"If I don't kill that guy, I'm responsible for every bad action he does from here on out."

"What kind of bad things?" Unlike what she's expecting, Danny doesn't have a judgmental look at him, but more of a thoughtful look. "I mean, if you don't think murder is necessarily wrong…"

"Come on, I have standards." Root cuts him off. "Bad code… Some things are just… plain old… immoral, if I can even use that word, but it's the simplest for you to understand. Although, in another point of view, it's the human animalistic impulses; infidelity, domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, poorly planned random killing sprees, and authoritarianisms, just to name a few."

"Right… okay." Danny blinks, taking everything she says in. "Let's simplify it and put it down."

TRIGGER: Can't kill bad code.

AUTOMATIC THOUGHT: Now I'm responsible for every bad thing they do from here on out.

"Okay, let's work with that." Danny nods enthusiastically. "Now what would be something better to think here? Something more rational… you know it's not true, right? You can't hold what others do to yourself."

Root swings her head side-to-side. "Kinda is… technically."

"So, if you didn't kill them, would you be responsible for all the good deed they do afterwards?" Danny counters.

"If you want to be pedantic about this, then no one can take credit for that sort of thing." Root leans back into the hard seat. "To an extent, they have free will. They have their own agency on the matter, so they deserve the credit."

A grin appears on Danny as he says. "And if they do something bad, that is also their free will, and they deserve the blame."

Root lets out a breath she didn't know she's been holding. "I suppose."

"Right, how about 'I am not responsible for others' action'?" Danny points at her writing.

"I guess so." Root reluctantly writes it in. "I don't know why, but it feels like a lie."

NEW THOUGHT: I am not responsible for the actions of others.

Root just stares at the paper for a moment before muttering. "That thought gets more uncomfortable the longer I think about it."

"Confronting negative thoughts is uncomfortable, but it's the road one needs to take to gain inner peace." Danny replies with the haughtiest voice imaginable.

Root gives him a dead eyed look and deadpans. "Did you read that from readers' digest?"

He breaks into a grin and replies. "Maybe? I kinda made it up just now."

She just rolls her eyes as they continue on with this exercise. It didn't take long before Danny has to go to his next patient and leave her alone to continue with this therapy crap and let's just say there's a sharp dip in her productivity.

When the group ends, everyone quickly packs up as if they're in high school needing to go to their next class and exits the room, each in their own social cluster.

"Hey, what's the big deal back there, telling Danny you don't have any friends?" Roger asks with irritation in his voice as they make their way down the hallway.

"Because I don't." Root replies offhandedly. "It's the reason I never have visitors, call or even snail mail. I guess I haven't been around long enough for you to see."

"Then what the hell are we? Chopped liver?" Roger snaps at her.

Root comes to a complete halt in the middle of the hallway as her brain processes what he said, and it takes a second before the compliance gang notices it and turns around. She just stares at the man in shock at what he's implying. After Gloria dropped her at their table, she sort of assumed that's the default group for new people and they were stuck just babysitting her.

"Give me a second… you think we're friends?" Root asks in disbelief. They haven't even killed anyone together yet… isn't that the prerequisite these days? Like, she became friends with Pauling after they massacre an entire cartel and torture their leader to death in the south.

… Things might be different in here, though.

"Clearly, we aren't anymore." Roger replies sourly.

"Oh… okay." Root answers with a shrug. People do the oddest things when no one is pulling their strings. Alas, this is a disappointing development but an inevitable one, anyway. At least she still has The Machine… and maybe Su.

"Okay?" Tina asks confusingly… did she expect her to be sad about this?

"It's fine." Root clarifies. "I wish I knew we were friends when we were, but it's good to know I had some… or maybe not, probably better to not know in the first place. Anyhow, what's done is done."

"Hold your horses. You think we're the ones dumping you? After you just said we aren't friends?" Roger seethes, causing the lingering few patients to scatter away to their next group.

"I had no idea we were." Root replies calmly. This man should have known that is the case.

"Bullshit! There is no possible way you can't have known! We eat every meal together, we back you up when people are being little shits, we hang out together during free time, and none of that means anything to you? You're such an ungrateful bitch!" Roger was red with rage as his voice got louder and louder. "I don't even know why we ever bothered with you in the first place! You almost killed Dr. Carmichael. You're a menace, and you never think about anyone but yourself!"

Throughout this triad and him continuing said triad, it dawned on Root that he has no intention of stopping anytime soon, and the man is out of control. Her first instinct was to give the man a small jab right at his throat, seeing that's the easiest way to silence him. The next instinct was to crush his larynx and kill him… which is bad. Despite his current behavior, he's a decent man.

Roger is clearly unwell right now, seeing this has never happened before. Resolving to not injure a sick person, Root slowly turns into stone as the onslaught of insults continues and she lets the words bounce off her like raindrops, while her eyes focus on a light switch down the hall.

She can feel her breathing get shallower and shallower, while her fist tightens to a point of pain, but her arms are limp. She's not going to hurt Roger.

"Enough!" Lauren finally speaks up as she tries to get Roger's attention. "They're going to hear you. Let's go to the group before this becomes an incident."

Roger completely ignores Lauren and continues. "Say something! Do you even care? Did you ever give a shit about any of us?"

Tina cringes and backs up from the scene, clearly intimidated by Roger despite the screaming isn't directed at her, but Lauren reaches for his shoulder and tries to reel him in from his rage.

"Anger management, Roger." Lauren tries her hardest to maintain her composure of calmness. "Breath."

Roger once again ignores Lauren. "Stop being all high and mighty and just answer me!"

"Sorry but I'm busy trying to not punch you in the throat right now." Root replies with a detached calmness in her voice.

"Why? Why not just do it? You want to fight? We can fight right now!" Roger seemingly more agitated by her statement.

"I really don't want to hurt you, Roger." She tears her eyes away from the switch and back to Roger. "But if you do hit me, I'm unable to stop myself from hurting you. So, please don't."

"A scarier Robin? Are you trying to make me afraid?" Roger continues, totally ignorant of the attention he's getting. "You're not winning because I'm not scared."

"Seriously, I'm not joking. I really, really don't wanna hurt you, Roger." Root replies with the same eerily calm tone. That sounds so foreign to her.

"Why do you care if I get hurt?" Roger rages. "We're not friends, anyway!"

"Why would she ever be friends with a worm like you?" Su suddenly appears behind Roger and places her hand at his back, causing the compliance gang to jump slightly. She's threatening them, but there's no malice in her voice, only coldness. "And if you utter another word, I'm going to snap your neck."

Root eyes dart to Su, and it feels like her mouth is wired shut as she grits out. "Stop."

And that utterly confuses Su if the look on her face is to say anything about it. Su looks like she's going to argue with Root, but that thought was cut off when a new group of people rounded the corner.

"Anna, stop and take your hand away." Gloria comes into the picture from behind of Su. "We don't want to do rash here."

*PING**PING**PING**PING*-*PING**PING*-*PING**PING**PING**PING*

The machine? What does she want? That's not even Morse code… Root's doing everything in her power to not hurt Roger and she can't spare a second trying to decode whatever the fuck that is.

Su snaps her eyes towards Root's pocket. Before she glares at the nurse and letting go. "I'm not doing it for you." She then walks away.

The Machine was talking to Su…

Her heart feels like a jackhammer hitting her ribs with every pump.

Now, with the sudden unexpected threat gone, Gloria turns her attention to the man opposite of Root. "Roger, we need you to lower your voice and take a few breaths… Can you do that, or do you need help to calm down?"

A nurse Root's seen around named Tom comes up with a cup of pill and water for Roger. All the while, Danny makes his way towards Root.

"Robin, can you come with me?" Danny asks, and not her utter bafflement she's unable to reply.

"Robin?" Danny waves a hand in front of her, distracting her from what's in front of her, and instinctively she follows the movement as far as she can without moving her head. "Can you come with me, please?"

For the life of her, she struggles to spit out her words as if her consciousness is trapped in her brain… however; she manages to move her limped hand a couple of inches away from her side.

Danny looks at her hand and back to her face before nodding and taking her by her wrist to guide her away from the scene. She doesn't turn her body away from the scene and continues to look at it while Danny guides her away.

"Fucking bitch." Roger griths his teeth and falls onto his knees. "I'm going to need that help, please."

"Okay." Gloria takes the cups from Tom and gives them to Roger, who instantly stuff it down his throat. "It's okay."

"I thought we were friends." Roger mutters loud enough for her to hear. "That bitch!"

"What happened here?" Gloria turns to ask Lauren who's the only one left standing, with Tina crying herself into a protective curl by the wall and Roger mumbling to himself on the floor.

Root finally looks away from the scene of the disaster as she rounds the corner and turns around to continue on with Danny guiding her.

They reach back to the activity room where they'd just finished earlier, and as if entering a different dimension, she can feel regaining control of her body.

"Robin…" Danny takes a seat on one of the many chairs in the room and gesture to one opposite of him. "… Do you want to tell me what just happened out there?"

"I think Roger's having a fit." Root answers and her voice sounds raw. Her brows contort from the confusion she's feeling, and she gazes at anywhere but Danny's face

"That's out of character for him." Root takes her seat and pulls out her phone to grasps it for comfort.

Root hears the man dragging his chair to be a bit closer to her. "Hey Robin, can you look at me when we're talking?"

"I can… but I rather not at this moment." Root replies as she gazes into nothing in particular.

"Okay, that's… reasonable." Danny says after a few seconds of pondering. "What about you, Robin? Roger was having an episode and when I tried to talk to you, you didn't answer until I waved a hand in front of you to get your attention, then you needed me to help you walk. Can you tell me what that was about?"

"I think…" Root swallows hard. "I think I froze up."

"Has that happened before?" Danny asks delicately. "The freezing up?"

Her first instinct is to lie, but she tells the man the truth. "It's been a long time since… maybe a dozen or more years now. I think… I was twenty-one or twenty-two, or maybe earlier."

"Do you recall what caused it?"

"I grew out of it. Before I moved out of that hellhole of a town, I used to do a lot of traveling around Texas… no, that doesn't matter. What matter was, it never happened outside of the hellhole." That shit never happens to Root. That was Sam Groves' problem, not hers. "That place makes me feel perpetually twelve years old."

"I didn't ask where, I asked why." Danny clarifies with a compassionate voice. "What made it happened back then?"

"When you were a kid, adults could say whatever the hell they wanted, and it doesn't matter if they were dead wrong." Root continues to ignore Danny's face as she finds comfort by rolling her phone in her hands. "You just have to roll over and take the beating. Let them shout at themselves silly until they feel better at themselves for yelling at a kid or they get tired. Snapping back or throwing a fist at them was just a good way of getting your ass handed to you. Crying about it is pathetic, and it gives them satisfaction. So, I just learned to tune them out, don't look, don't listen, you're just a stone. Nothing ever happens if you don't engage, let them shout and avoid undesirable consequences."

"So, the trigger is when you're put into a situation where you feel like you need to endure rather than defending yourself?" Danny postulates. "Has that extended past verbal attacks?"

"No." Root snorts, and a small grin grows. "It's open season the moment someone touches me. That happened back then, and it'll still happen now. Sometimes some people just didn't feel better after screaming their lungs out. When that happens, I snapped out of my stupor and beat the living shit out of them."

"Touch breaks the calcification." Danny concludes.

Root smiles at the answer. "It'll be faster if it's violence, but yes… and by the way, thank you for the assist."

"It's the least I can do." She didn't see it, but she could basically hear him smiling. "Do you know why it happened this time? Did you feel like you needed to roll over for Roger?"

"I choose not to fight because I didn't want to hurt him… but never in my wildest imagination I would for that to happen." Root answers honestly. "Even though it's been forever since my last freeze, if shit hit the fan, I probably kick the shit out of Roger even if he's bigger than me. Hell, it would have prevented s… my cousin from wanting to kill him."

There's an uncomfortable silence for a second before Danny says. "Yeah, we'll talk to her about what happened later."

"Have fun doing that." Root snorts before focusing back on the topic and letting out a sigh. "You're right, I actually did feel the need to roll over and take it, not because I was scared but because I wasn't scared and I know what I'm capable of."

"What started the conflict?" Danny asks in a non-accusatory tone.

"Still trying to wrap my head around that." Root takes in a deep breath. "The thing is, I never done anything nice for them other than being polite and I never said I liked them. I never attempted to charm or flatter them, but they considered me as a friend. So, when I told you I didn't have any friends… Roger got very offended. Then, by the time I found out we were apparently friends, we weren't friends anymore."

"Does that upset you?"

"Not particularly." Root replies instantly. "From my perspective, nothing changed. I thought had no friends ten minutes ago and I have no friends now."

"They might not want to sit with you anymore," Danny says delicately.

Root just hums in acknowledgement. That'll be an inconvenience… where would she sit then? With Su at the nutrient table? She rather not… this is giving her flashbacks to high school again.

"Why do you think they let you sit with them if you aren't friends?" Danny asks.

"Because Gloria dumped me with them." Root states the obvious and rolls her eyes.

"Did you have any desire to be friends with them?"

"Maybe? They're decent enough." Root shrugs. "But I don't know. I don't even know what criteria you people need to be friends."

Because it's clearly not thievery, torture or murder.

"Could you stay put here for a moment?" Danny asks. "Can I trust you not to move from this chair?"

Root considers his request for a moment before nodding and wonders just what he's trying to do.

---

THRID PARTY POV

"How are you doing, Roger?" Gloria asks as she comes to the table where Roger sitting with his hand on his head, Lauren rubbing circles on his back and quietly chatting with Tina, who seems better now after Roger calmed down.

Earlier, Gloria had brought them to the Art Room to hear their side of the story before discussing Robin's account with Danny.

"Better now." Roger replies with his face still cups into his hands. "Sorry about… thanks for letting them stay with me."

Gloria gives a smile who the two women who nods in thanks before saying. "I wouldn't have split you guys. You three have become such a tight-knit group in the past few months and been such good friends with each other that I sometime worry what will happen when one of you gets transferred or discharged. It might help if there are more than just the three of you…"

"I'm not apologizing to her." Roger replies hoarsely. "I guess if you make me, I'll apologize for the anger management part… I shouldn't have gotten so loud, but I'll not take back what was said. She's an ungrateful bitch and I don't want to talk to her again."

"That is completely your prerogative." Gloria states as she takes a seat opposite of the three. "And you're right, you need to apologize for the anger management part, because you know you shouldn't get like that with people."

"I know… but… she's just… urgh!" Roger slams his fist onto the table, causing Tina to jump in her seat and yelp.

"Breath, Roger, Breath." Both Lauren and Gloria instruct at the same time, while the former continues to give a comforting touch onto the man's back.

"I'm so sorry, Tina." Roger says after taking a moment to gather his breath. "I didn't mean to scare you, now or in the hall earlier. You know I'm sorry, right? Not to her, but to you… Tina, you shouldn't have seen that. This is so messed up… I know it scares you when people shout."

"I know." Tina replies with a small voice. "I'm sorry that I'm so jumpy. I didn't want you to think I'm afraid of you, just that I can't control my reaction."

"I know, and don't be sorry." Roger looks at his friend. "It's okay."

"I kinda think we should've known better." Lauren comments with a sigh. "I mean, I was getting to like her even if she's a bit creepy at first."

"At first?" Roger scoffs. "Didn't we talk about murder during dinner last night? She was way too cheerful about that, especially after two days in seclusion. What was I even thinking?"

"She got really still out there." Tina shudders at the memory. "That's even scarier than yelling. I was afraid you would hit her and go postal on all of us… she could have killed you Roger, you can't go around yelling at people who have problems with wanting to kill people."

"Or ones who have a cousin who doesn't mind hurting people." Lauren rubs her hands nervously. "You seriously could have gotten hurt and thank god others intervened."

"Yeah, I fucked up… I lost myself and forgot what her cousin can do and what she said she wants to do." Roger lets out a shudder as he replies to the memory of what happened.

A shiver goes down everyone's neck at the thought as well, and Tina starts to shake again, but Gloria intervenes with some encouraging words before Tina spirals.

"At least Robin didn't touch you." Lauren adds in a light note.

"Exactly." Gloria says encouragingly. "And it says something, doesn't it?"

"What?" Roger asks in a perplexed manner.

"You lost your shit at one of our resident psycho killer, a person whose thoughts are filled with murder, maiming and scaring the living shit out of everyone, and she didn't lay a finger on you… not a single one." Lauren explains.

Roger shakes his head. "She threatened to."

"Yeah, but you're missing an important context. Tina, what exactly did she say?" Lauren turns to Tina, knowing that in the time of stress, the memory of the event is etched into her brain.

Tina answers instantly. "Sorry, but I'm busy trying to not punch you in the throat right now… I really don't want to hurt you, Roger… But if you do hit me, I'm unable to stop myself from hurting you. So, please don't… Seriously, I'm not joking. I really, really don't wanna hurt you, Roger."

Lauren shoots Tina a smile before turning back to Roger. "Look, it sounds weird, but that sounds less like a threat and more like… someone in a zombie movie when they want you to run away because they know they're infected and can turn at any moment."

"You're actually nearer to reality than you realize." Gloria comments.

"Are you saying that Robin has a zombie virus in her?" Lauren half jokes. "Because I don't think they're real… unless they are?"

"Lauren, do you remember when Danny took Robin away?" Gloria asks. "Roger was too angry, and Tina was curled up, but you saw right? Did you see him pulling her by her hand?"

Lauren, not expecting the questions, blinks a few times before answering. "Yeah… but why?"

"Because he had to, because she couldn't move by herself and Danny thinks it's some kind of disassociation, but we'll have to watch and see what Dr. Carmichael has to say when he gets back. But apparently this has happened before, but not for a very long time. It happens when she deliberately chooses to not defend herself against verbal attacks, because she feels like doing so will bring undesirable consequences. And from her experience, she knows she hurt someone the moment they lay a finger on her."

"So what? I'm supposed to feel sorry for her?" Roger scoffs but regret starts to set in him, and he's trying to ignore it by staying mad at Robin, so he didn't have to deal with the guilt.

Gloria given Roger an even look and a moment before saying. "That's entirely up to you, Roger, but I believe you should know what you've done. You let your anger get the better of you and a minor misunderstanding could have turned into a full-on fight. Then you kept on trying to provoke a person with homicidal ideation even after she tells you to stop and attracted her cousin who has no guilt in hurting others… you needed to stop for your own safety. Next time, you wouldn't be so lucky."

Roger takes a moment to absorb it all before letting out a defeated sigh. "I still don't understand how she couldn't have known whether or not she was our friend."

"She didn't think you liked her back." Gloria explains.

"Back?" Roger has a look of debrief. "You want me to believe that she was surprised we liked her instead of us being dumb enough to think she likes us?"

"In a weird logic, that kinda makes sense." Lauren interjects. "You being injured isn't an undesirable consequence unless she gives a shit about you… about us."

"You're saying that I'm not in the infirmary or murdered is a demonstration that she cares?" Roger asks in continual disbelief. "Because that's just fucked up."

"No." Lauren argues back. "I'm saying she's dissociating like that because she cares."

"No one is murdering anyone in this hospital, not Robin or her cousin." Gloria says firmly. "Especially not Robin, not after Saturday. We're monitoring her closely, closer than Andrew, and know that this hospital isn't bedlam."

"You got ahead of yourself." Tina says quietly. "When you said not anymore, you got ahead of yourself, and that's why she thought we were dumping her. Then you told her it was bullshit, and she didn't think that."

"What the fuck else could she have thought?" Roger says defensively, as he feels he's everyone was against him on this and that makes it so much harder for him to feel in the right.

"I'm the one to blame for that." Gloria adds. "The way I introduced her to you guys, she thought I basically dump you guys with her, and you were making the best of it."

"She's not that thick-headed." Roger protests.

"But it's not implausible." Lauren counters. "How many people have come through our table and move on to other groups?"

"Yeah, but this was different. She stuck around, and I liked her." Roger whines.

"I don't know her deal with her cousin, but she could have at any time gone away to seat with her cousin." Lauren adds.

"Why didn't you seat Abby with us?" Tina directs the question to Gloria. "You always put newbies with us."

"After what she did in goals, do you think it's a good idea to have her near Robin?" Gloria asks back.

Tina gives a sheepish look. "Fair."

"Look, in a few minutes, Danny is going to come back here with Robin, and one of two things will happen. Either you are going to apologize to her for being overtly aggressive." Gloria addresses Roger and notices Tom is standing by the doorway. "At which point you will part ways with Robin amicably, or you can apologize sincerely and try to mend your friendship with her, but all of that is up to you."

Gloria nods to the three of them before getting up from her seat to chat with Tom by the door and give them time to think.

"Which one are we choosing?" Lauren asks, despite everything she will still defer to her friend. "Patching up or part ways? I think we should be a unified front."

"I don't know." Roger lets out a sigh and shakes his head. "I don't even know if I know the answer until she's here. There's no denying that I went overboard… but I don't know."

"You know you're not going to be able to tell anything by looking at her." Lauren crosses her arms. "It's not like you can look into her eyes and see she's broken up about this. Even if this upset her, it'll only make her mean and snappy. Are you going to be able to handle that?"

"Nah, I can tell." Roger says with confidence. "I can see when she's upset… don't look at her face, or listen to her voice, but watch her hands. That's her tell, especially after she got that phone. Look for it and you'll see it too… I used to do the same thing."

Not a moment after he said it, there's a gentle knock on the door and Danny pops his head in, saying something to Gloria and Tom. Gloria nods and Danny enters the room with Robin trailing behind him with a relax posture and generally looks unaffected by the whole situation while her fully functional hand is holding her phone by her side.

Tom says something to Robin and gestures towards the compliance group table, which causes her to sigh before tightening her grip on her phone and makes her way across the room to sit in a chair opposite the other three at table. Once seated, Robin puts the phone in front of her and with her other hand, she drums on the phone.

"Danny said I had to come here." Robin begins dryly. "I'm assuming they're forcing you to apologize, but a false apology is meaningless, so if you don't want to, I'll just tell them you did."

"No." Roger says quickly. "I do have to apologize, if not for what was said but how I said it. That was an outburst. I was out of control, and no one deserves to be on the other end of it."

"I'm fine, it's fine, so, no harm, no foul." Robin shrugs.

"But it's far from fine." Lauren says. "Gloria mentioned you were dissociating back there."

"She has no right to tell you that." Root snaps as she turns her head to glare at the woman in question and withdraws her phone back to her lap, but the staff by the door seems oblivious to the murderous look.

"Just… how many other issues do you have that you're not revealing?" Roger asks tactfully. "First the homicidal ideation, then the phone… and now this?"

"You have no business in asking that." Root turns back to the compliance gang.

"Friends share issues with each other." Roger says with a slight tinge of anger in his voice.

"Oh, we're friends again?" Root replies flippantly. "I haven't done the whole making friends thing or friends in general in a while, but I'm sure this isn't how it's supposed to work. Shit like this isn't like a light switch where you can just flip between states of friendship whenever you feel like it."

Root would know… she's done that twice now.

"I… I don't really want you gone, I just thought you didn't give a shit about us and got mad and said some stupid shit." Roger lets out a deep breath. "I have anger issues."

"Yeah… I caught on to that." Root teases the man. "And speaking of unmentioned issues… I thought you were self-destructive."

"Yeah, well…" Roger rubs his head. "Usually, it's because I fuck up like earlier and when I'm not angry anymore, I hate myself for being an angry idiot."

"You don't have to hate yourself on my account." Root comments as she brings back the phone onto the table and clutches it. "I'm not particularly well versed on how this goes, but we can still be friends. Okay? So… none of that."

Root gestures at the man's rainbow-colored bracelet and what they cover underneath. "Especially not because of me. Besides, this would be a nice change of pace, seeing I haven't had a friend for twenty years. So having three would be an interesting change."

Sure, for Root, she has Pauling and pretty sure they both acknowledge their friendship with each other even if they've never actually said it out loud… but at the end of the day they are co-workers and Pauling's blind loyalty to Su will tarnish any relationship they had once Pauling finds out what happened. Then there's the matter of Su and she isn't even in the right mind space to think about that five-alarm fire right now.

Other than those two, Root had 'friends' while she's using aliases, but nothing was real with those relationships. It was all surgical maneuvering to get the job done, and she was pulling the strings. However, these three seem to like her without even needing to do anything.

"Seriously?" Roger says skeptically. "Twenty years?"

"Well, I had co-workers, but that doesn't count. So, yeah, it's rounded down. My last friend went away in 91." Root glances down at her phone before turning back to the compliance gang. "Turned twenty-two years in April."

"What happened?" Tina timidly asks.

"She's just gone." Root tightens the grip on her phone till her knuckles turn white. "It's not a pretty memory, and I rather not talk about it… end of story."

The three of them give each other a look, creating a story to fill in the blanks, and all three come to the same conclusion.

"I'm sorry about your friend." Lauren speaks up. "That must have been…"

"Don't." Root cuts her off. "I don't need your pity, and it's not a thing, alright? The whole freezing up shit is also not a thing. It hasn't happened in more than a dozen years and it's not going to happen again. So, back off."

Lauren, seemingly not frightened by Root, goes on and asks. "I know being family doesn't always mean being friends, but what about your cousin? You both might not talk in public, but I heard you both spend time together in your room."

Root's first instinct is to lambast Lauren, but she takes a few seconds to breathe. "We… our situation is complicated, and I rather not talk about it either."

"Speaking of your cousin." Roger begins cautiously. "You don't think it could have gone beyond a threat? Rumor mill said she did some wild shit to a tech, but I'm like twice her size."

"She wouldn't have killed you." Root amusingly says. "At most, she was going to paralyze you from the neck down."

"You know that isn't comforting, right?"

"Well, looks like you exist in her mind now." Root smiles morosely. "But don't worry, I'll talk to her when I have the chance."

"That'll be better, thanks." Roger thought that'll be the end of their conversation, but something in him pushes forward. "You mentioned we didn't have business asking about stuff, but you shared anyway. Does that mean we're good?"

Root eyes the three of them for a moment before answering. "I, I guess it's does… yeah."

---

A/N: The next chapter might take more time to come out, as I'll be busy with work for the next 6 weeks. And once again, I hope this chapter isn't too slow. This chapter is mainly to set how the average days will be for Root and Su in the hospital.