Bad Day Beneath the Falls
Chapter 8 Oh Poo
By:Major144
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
After Dipper dropped Jessie off at Jugga's cave, he headed to the next location on the map that appeared to be some kind of brown spiral mountain. Dipper made his way to the mountain and as he got near the location, he was introduced to the foulest of smells he ever smelled. It was so horrible that it could have knocked a buzzard right off a gut wagon! Dipper nearly threw up, but managed to keep it down and put a hand over his nose as he kept walking. He eventually came across the mountain and came across Birdy who was chugging a bottle of beer.
"Well if it ain't the little human hero. Still alive I see." Said Birdy.
"I'm still alive and I managed to rescue a couple of girls. On my way to rescue another." Said Dipper.
"Well I heard tales of a human slave being in Poop Mountain over there." Said Birdy pointing at the mountain.
"Poop Mountain?!" Asked Dipper with dread and disgust.
"Yep. The shitest sight you'll ever see." Said Birdy.
"Great." Said Dipper.
"I can give you some items to help you in exchange for your vest." Said Birdy.
"Fine." Said Dipper as he removed his vest.
Birdy gave Dipper some plastic bags for his feet, several rolls of toilet paper, and a few necklaces made from pine tree air fresheners.
"Pleasure doing business with you. I'm really invested in your quest." Said Birdy as he took Dipper's vest.
Dipper put the plastic bags on his feet, put on one of the necklaces, and the other stuff in his bag and headed towards Poo Mountain. He climbed to the top and found an entrance. The mountain had some lights inside as Dipper made his way deeper. Dipper was fixing to come to a large chamber, when a human size dung beetle came running up to him.
"Don't go in there! There's some serious messed up down there!" Said the dung beetle.
""What do you mean?" Asked Dipper.
"For days my fellow dung beetles have been going missing and just about an hour ago I saw something rise out of the shit itself and grab one of my mates! It was horrible!" Said the dung beetle.
"Is there a human girl back in there?" Asked Dipper.
"I think, so but I don't know. My advice is to turn around and run like hell!" Said the dung beetle before he took off running.
Dipper gulped as he entered a large chamber of narrow pathways overlooking a sea of shit. He looked around for the girl, but all he saw were large pieces of corn kernels jumping around.
"You bring me sweet corn!" Ordered a deep voice that seemed to be coming from everywhere.
Dipper didn't know what the voice was, but decided to do what the voice said. He chased after one of the pieces of corn and grabbed it.
"Now what?" Asked Dipper.
"Throw it into the poo!" Ordered the voice.
Dipper did as he was told and tossed the corn into the poo. The corn bobbed in the poo for a few seconds before it let out a scream as it was sucked under. The sight creeped Dipper out before he moved on and threw some more corn into the poo. Eventually there was no more corn. Dipper watched as the last piece of corn bobbed in the poo, when something big began to rise up beneath it. At first it was a giant hand holding the corn attached to an arm that was attached to a hideous head/body made entirely out of poo with beady eyes and a large mouth full out teeth that appeared to be actually corn kernels.
It was a dreaded dung of darkness, an excrement of evil, a sinister shit, a colossal of crap, a titan of turns! It was the Great Mighty Poo!
Dipper's jaws dropped in both absolute shock and horror as the Great Mighty Poo put the corn kernel into a gaping spot in it's mouth, cleared it's throat, and began to sing.
*Ahem*
Mi mi mi mi miiiiiiiii
I am the Great Mighty Poo
and I'm going to throw my shit at you!
A huge supply of tish
come from my chocolate starfish.
How about some scat you little twat?
The Great Mighty Poo picked up a large mound of poo and threw it at Dipper, who screamed and dodged to avoid it. The evil excrement threw more poo at Dipper, who desperately tried to think of a way to fight back. Dipper searched his bag and pulled out one of the toilet paper rolls as the Great Mighty Poo belated a note. The boy hurled the toilet paper into the Great Mighty Poo's open mouth and the giant began to cough and gag in pain. The Great Mighty Poo recovered and sang another verse.
Do you really think you'll survive in here?
You don't seem to know which creek you're in
Sweet corn is the only thing
that makes it through my rear.
How d'you think I keep this lovely grin?
Have some more caviar.
The Great Mighty Poo threw more poo at Dipper forcing him to dodge around some more and wait for the beast to open it's mouth wide to throw more toilet paper into it. This hurt and angered the Great Mighty Poo some more and it sang a new verse.
Now I'm really getting rather mad.
You're like a niggly, tickly, shitty little tag nut.
When I've knocked you out with all my bab
I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!
"YOUR BUTT?!" Yelled Dipper in alarm and horror.
"MY BUTT!" Sang the Great Mighty Poo before he flung more poo.
Like before Dipper madly dodged the projectiles and waited for his opening. The Great Mighty Poo sang and opened it's mouth and Dipper threw toilet paper into it. The evil being coughed in pain before he belted out a loud note. It was so loud it broke a glass window in front of some kind of control station. Dipper looked at it and saw what appeared to be a flushing chain. He ran towards it and pulled on it with all his might. There was a loud flushing sound and all the shit began to swirl down a giant drain along with the Great Mighty Poo.
"What have you done?! I'M FLUSHING! I'M FLUSHING!" WHAT A WORLD!" Screamed the Great Mighty Poo before he vanished.
"Now that's what I call a bowl movement." Said Dipper.
"Is it safe to come out now?" Asked a female voice coming form a nearby broom closet.
"Yeah." Said Dipper to the voice.
Out stepped a brown haired girl wearing a gas mask, overalls, and boots.
"I'm Lu. Thanks for taking care of that monster." Said Lu.
"No problem. My name is Dipper and I came to rescue you." Said Dipper.
"Oh thank you so much." Said Lu.
The two of them headed out of Poo Mountain together as Dipper vowed to take a nice bath once he reached Jugga's cave.
To be continued.