Bad Day Beneath the Falls
Chapter 11 Metal Balls
By:Major144
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Dipper entered what appeared to be some kind of boiler room and saw what must have been the fire imps. They were nasty devilish looking creatures smoking cigars and chilling, when they took notice of Dipper.
"Well what do we have here?" Asked the first fire imp.
"Looks like a weird bum. He looks very flammable." Said the second fire imp.
"I'm here for the girl you're keeping as a slave. Give her to me and I'll be on my way and there will be no trouble." Said Dipper trying to sound brave.
"Would you look at the balls on this guy! He thinks he can barge in here and order us around! What a asshole!" Said the first fire imp.
"I know right! Let's set his balls on fire then, will kill him and serve him up to a fast food joint or something, I'm sure he'll taste good." Said the second fire imp.
The two imps threw away their cigars and charged at Dipper with flames on their claws. Dipper pulled out his frying pan and tried to strike the attackers, but like the wasps the imps were too quick for him to hit and they easily dodged his attacks and threw some fire at Dipper that struck both his rear and groin! Dipper cried out in pain as he desperately ran around batting at his flaming rear and groin as the fire imps laughed at him. At one point Dipper had to take his loincloth off and batt it get rid of the flames and the fire imps laughed harder at his nakedness.
"Hey got a micro dick!" Laughed the first fire imp.
"Micro dick!" Laughed the second fire imp.
Dipper's face blushed red in embarrassment, especially when dark haired girl wearing jeans and a red shirt suddenly appeared next to him holding a bottle of yellow liquid.
"I'm Eva, here drink this, it'll help you beat the fire imps." Said the girl.
"Um...ok." Said Dipper as he chugged the bottle.
Dipper thought that the potion would either make his flameproof or perhaps give him flame powers. Neither of those happened instead Dipper felt a odd sensation in his bladder and then a huge need to urinate. Without warning Dipper began to pee, but it wasn't coming out of him like normal. No it was coming out of him like a fire hose! Dipper yelled in shock and alarm as he quickly grabbed his manhood to prevent it from whipping around and then he knew what to do. He pointed himself at the two fire imps and blasted them with his urine! The two imps screamed as they were blasted and sent flying and crashing into a wall! The yellow stream pinned them to the wall and then it began to lessen and then stop.
"You're all wet!" Said Dipper as he put his loincloth back on.
The fire imps staggered to their feet with looks of absolute rage and disgust on their faces.
"That's it! You're dead!" Said first fire imp.
"Time for the Big Big Guy!" Said the second fire imp.
The two fire imps ran over to a large boiler and jumped inside it.
"Alright where's the keys? Ok found them! Now let's start it up!" Said the first fire imp.
Dipper and Eva watched in shock as the boiler stood up on four round legs and eyes appeared on the front.
"I want to drive it's my turn!" Said the second imp.
"No you suck at driving!" Yelled the first fire imp.
"That's because you never let me practice!" Yelled the second fire imp.
"Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Do calm down! We have business at hand." Said Big Big Guy in a British voice.
"Alright we'll calm down." Said the second fire imp.
"Press the special button." Said the first fire imp.
A button was pressed and a enormous pair of brass balls appeared beneath the Big Big Guy.
"Balls of Brass sir! Polished to the nth degree!" Said Big Big Guy.
"Oh God! They made me polish those!" Said Eva in disgust.
"That's gross." Said Dipper.
The Big Big Guy unleashed a blast of fire at Dipper and Eva forcing them to jump to the sides to avoid getting hit.
"Any idea how to fight this?" Asked Dipper.
Eva looked up at some pipes and switches and got an idea.
"Lure him beneath some of the pipes and I'll weaken him." Said Eva.
"Got it!" Said Dipper as he waved his arms and stuck his tongue at the Big Big Guy getting him to chase after him.
Dipper dodged the Big Big Guy's attacks and lure him beneath a pipe. Eva pulled a switch and poopy looking toilet water poured on the Big Big Guy making him scream.
"I have poo-poo on my face!" Screamed Big Big Guy in pain as his flames died down.
Dipper pulled out his frying pan and charged at the Big Big Guy sticking his balls!
"My balls! MY BAAAALLS!" Cried Big Big Guy in pain.
The Big Big Guy chased after Dipper and he repeated the same strategy with Eva splashing more poopy water on the boiler.
"Not the poo-poo again!" Cried Big Big Guy.
Dipper struck the brass balls again and making the Big Big Guy scream in pain. The strategy was repeated again and more poopy water fell on Big Big Guy making him scream in disgust.
Agh! No, not the potty! I have caca all over my tongue..." Said Big Big Guy.
Dipper hit the brass balls a third time and the Big Big Guy fell onto his front.
The imps began to panic.
"We can't get out through the normal door!" Yelled the second imp.
"Oh, well, there's this door here. Where does that go?" Said the first imp.
"Um... I don't think we wanna go that way. It's the BACK PASSAGE!" Said the second imp.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Yelled the first imp.
"It can't be the only way out! What's this button do?" Said the second imp pressing a random button.
"Warning! Warning! Self-destruct in one second..." Said a computerized voice.
"Oh, you stupid f..." Began the first imp right before the Big Big Guy exploded.
KABOOM!
One of the brass balls flew through the air and struck Dipper in the crotch making him bellow in pain as he fell to the ground groaning in pain.
"You ok?" Asked Eva running over to Dipper.
"I'm...ok." Groaned Dipper.
The fire imps laid on the ground among the wreckage groaning in pain. Eva went over to the imps and kicked them both a couple of times.
"Thanks for saving me." Said Eva.
"Welcome. Hey...you hadn't seen a was of money around?" Said Dipper.
"Yeah I found a wad a little while ago." Said Eva as she pulled out a wad of money smoking a cigar.
"Sup?" Said the wad.
"Cool. You know another way out of here?" Asked Dipper.
"Yeah I know a way follow me." Said Eva walking away.
Dipper followed her.
To be continued.