Author's Note: TW/CW: Trauma, PTSD, References to self-harm, discussions of being an orphan, feeling alone, nightmares
Hi, friends. Thanks for being here! I have a lot of angst coming so I wanted to make sure I had a lighter chapter. You are amazing. You are SO LOVED AND KNOW YOU MAKE THIS WORLD BETTER! YOU ARE LOVED!
Chapter Summary: Neville is with Remus, Sirius, and Harry for a few days. Sirius and Remus talk. Harry, Neville, and Draco hang out in the Gryffindor Common Room. Neville has a therapy session with Remus. Neville gets something important.
Previous Chapter Summary: Harry talks to Remus about what happened, Remus and Sirius talk about bringing a friend to see Harry, and Harry brews with Draco and lets some things slip.
"This is delicious!" Neville cried as he took another bite of the chicken.
"I'm glad you think so," Sirius said.
"I know so! Our elves don't make anything this good!" Neville took another bite before swallowing and turning to Harry. "Don't tell Hermione that. I promise, we treat our elves really well and they want to be there."
Harry chuckled. "I know, Nev. I've been there before, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Merlin, it's only been a couple of years but it seems like forever."
Harry chuckled nervously and looked down, piercing a bite of chicken. "I know, wild."
Remus reached over under the table and squeezed Harry's hand reassuringly. Harry glanced at Remus and gave him a grateful smile before clearing his throat and saying, "I'm glad you like the chicken, mate."
"It's great! What'd you put in it?" Neville asked.
"Our special ingredient. Love," Sirius said dramatically, putting a hand over his heart and batting his eyelashes.
Harry rolled his eyes and muttered, "Prat."
Remus chuckled and nudged Sirius. "As much as I love emotions. The secret ingredient is actually lemon pepper," Remus told Neville.
Sirius gasped. "How dare you betray me like that! Oh!" Sirius threw a hand over his forehead and pretended to faint, much to the amusement of Harry and Neville.
"I think Neville can keep a secret," Remus said, winking at Neville.
"I suppose he's trustworthy," Sirius said, smiling at Neville.
"You guys are terrible," Harry teased them, shaking his head.
"I'm sure the boys' dorms are so much more polite," Sirius teased back.
Neville and Harry exchanged a look before bursting out laughing.
"That's what I thought," Sirius said smugly.
The four boys continued to eat until Harry and Remus cleared the table. "Moony Da, Dadfoot? I have a question to ask you," Harry said, exchanging a glance with Neville.
"Yes?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Harry.
He knew that look. Harry wanted something.
"I know we got the guest bedroom ready and everything, but is there any way Neville and I could sleep in the Gryffindor dorm together?"
Remus looked at Sirius and they silently communicated before Sirius said, "What for?"
"Well, we haven't seen each other in a while and we want to hang out."
"What would you do?" Remus asked.
"You know what we would do! Come on! We-" Harry stopped and looked back and forth between his godparents. He then laughed and Neville looked at him as if he had just said that Rita Skeeter was his best friend.
"They're just messing with us. See, Dadfoot cracked."
Harry stared at Sirius for several seconds before the older man threw his hands up. "I didn't crack!"
"You dd! You did! I saw your mouth twitch!" Harry insisted.
"Padfoot!" Remus cried, throwing his hands up now. "I thought we had him!"
"I didn't crack! I never crack! You'd always crack before me!"
"His therapist face is unreal," Harry stage whispered to Sirius.
Remus chuckled and shook his head while Sirius nodded and then leaned over to kiss Remus.
"Of course, you can, Harry. I think the elves would love a mess to clean up tomorrow. That's a great idea," Sirius said warmly.
"I thought you were really giving me shi-er, uh-" Harry trailed off seeing the raised eyebrows from his godparents. "What I mean to say is that I didn't think you were going to let me go for a second there."
"We may be protective," Remus began.
"Overbearing,' Sirius added.
"Unconventional."
"Mind readers," Sirius added.
Remus rolled his eyes and said, "And a bit dramatic,"
"Speak for yourself," Sirius said, tossing his hair back.
Remus and Harry shook their heads at Sirius' antics.
"But we love you and want you to have fun," Remus said, finishing his thought.
"Merlin, I forgot how they sound like Fred and George a bit," Neville said.
"Trust me, while I called Remus my brother, he is most certainly not," Sirius said, sipping his drink.
Remus groaned and Harry blushed beet red.
"Come on Neville, let's go," Harry said, grabbing his friend by the hand and dragging him out of the kitchen.
"Get us if you need anything!" Remus called out.
Harry didn't respond and kept dragging Neville until they were safely out of the Marauder Quarters and down the hallway.
"Sorry about that," Harry said, still blushing.
"I grew up knowing them, Harry. You don't have to apologize."
"My dad referenced shagging my other dad. Yeah, I'll apologize."
Neville chuckled. "Better than my gran."
"Neville! Ew!" Harry cried, swatting his friend.
The boys laughed and made their way to the Gryffindor tower.
"Don't we need a password?" Neville pointed out.
Harry shook his head. "Nah, not over the summer. At least not for me," Harry said cheekily.
"Prat," Neville chuckled as they approached the portrait.
"Harry! And is that Neville? Good to see you!" The lady cried, smiling. "I have been practicing my singing skills and I've been waiting to show them off all summer."
Harry and Neville exchanged a look. "We, uh, want to make our beds, but we're happy to listen to a song," Harry said, trying to be polite. He was sure she was lonely over the summer.
After 43 seconds of their ears bleeding, Harry and Neville were finally granted access to the common room.
"I think saying a password is better than that," Neville muttered once the portrait closed.
"She's a lot, that's for sure," Harry agreed.
The boys looked around the common room and smiled. "They do keep it nice for us while we're away," Neville said.
"Yeah. You wanna check out our rooms? Maybe they're changed at all since we're sixth years?"
Neville and Harry bounded up to their dorms, but nothing changed. They did have a sign that said "sixth years".
"They moved it already!" Neville said, excited.
"I can hardly believe it," Harry commented.
"It's gone by so fast," Neville said, laying on his bed
"Time flies when you're trying not to die," Harry commented.
Neville chucked a pillow at him. "Shut up!"
Harry chuckled and laid down on his own bed. The boys talked for about an hour before there was a dull in the conversation.
"Are we the only kids in the castle right now?" Neville asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
"No. Draco's here, too. He staying with Snape," Harry told him.
"How's he?" Neville asked.
"Good. We've hung out a lot together."
"You're friends with him aren't you? Like really good friends?" Neville asked.
"Yeah. He's much better. Maybe we can hang out with him?" Harry asked.
"Yeah! He can come tonight if he wants to. He has to be bored if he's stuck with Snape."
Harry chuckled. "Yeah, I can't even imagine."
"Want to get him now?" Neville suggested.
Harry nodded and they got up and walked to Snape's quarters. "You have to knock, though. I may be a Gryffindor, but I'm not stupid."
Harry chuckled. "I can do that."
Harry knocked when they got to the door and Snape answered the door. "Harry. Are you alright?"
Harry smiled at Snape. "I'm good, Professor. Neville is here and we were wondering if Draco wanted to hang out with us tonight."
Severus opened the door more and saw Neville standing behind Harry, nervously shifting his weight between his feet.
"Mr. Longbottom," Severus said, trying to be polite.
"Hi, Professor," Neville said.
Draco poked his head out of the door frame. "Hey, guys," Draco said, "It's up to Uncle Sev, but I'd love to." Draco looked up at Severus hopefully. "Please, Uncle Sev?"
Severus' face softened. Draco had been excellent this summer and he had to admit that it couldn't be fun hanging out with his uncle/ professor all the time.
"Of course. Be safe, alright?"
"I will! Let me just grab a bag!" Draco said gleefully, running to his room.
Severus glared at Neville and Harry shook his head and decided to break the now awkward silence. "Professor, Neville is here for a few days. He's going to help Professor Sprout, too."
"Good, my potion supplies are getting low," Severus said.
"We're picking some herbs, among other things, for you first thing tomorrow," Neville said, putting some confidence in his voice.
"Good," Severus said, giving a small nod.
It was quiet for a moment longer and Harry thought he would have to break the silence, but Draco came running out.
"Okay, I'm ready!" Draco panted. "Bye, Uncle Sev. I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Be safe, Draco," Severus reminded him.
"I will, I promise," Draco said. He hugged his godfather and then followed Harry and Neville out.
"I went as fast as I could," Draco admitted when he was far enough away.
"Thanks," Neville said, wiping his brow.
"He really doesn't despise you, you know," Draco said.
"Humph," Neville said. "Yeah right."
"Really! He just doesn't want anyone to get hurt, but his tactics and your personality just don't match."
"Neville's good at potions," Harry said, supporting his friend.
"I mean he's interested in Herbology so he can't be that bad," Draco admitted.
"Professor Sprout has helped me too," Neville said. "But I'm way more interested in Herbology. I even have my own section in the greenhouses."
"No way!" Draco said. "Any healing plants?"
"Yeah! I mean, not as many as Professor Sprout, but some!" Neville said, getting excited.
Harry smiled as his friends began talking about herbs and other plants that are used in healing potions or used by healers. He was glad that his friends were able to bond over something and maybe, just maybe, they could be friends themselves.
Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus were enjoying a rare, carefree evening on their own.
After dinner, they enjoyed a glass of wine and then sat in the sitting room together. They made a few jokes and talked about Harry before a comfortable silence came over them. Remus somewhat reluctantly broke it.
"Pads?"
"Hmm?" Sirius replied, lifting his head.
"How are you doing, really?" Remus asked gently.
Sirius sighed and looked away. "I'm better than I was," he replied honestly.
Remus was quiet, knowing Sirius would speak up eventually.
"It's still hard. I thought I'd been hiding some of my nightmares from you, but you heard me last night, didn't you?"
Remus nodded.
Sirius chuckled humorlessly. "It's what happened with the Horcrux. It's you, Reg, James, Harry. At least the nightmare ends this time."
Remus nodded and gave Sirius' hand a reassuring squeeze."They are exactly that, nightmares. They will end. When you wake up, I am always here for you."
Sirius gave Remus a small smile. "And I'm thankful for that. I just wish they weren't here in the first place."
Remus nodded. "I understand that. It would be the ideal situation, yes. I want to support you. I hate to say it, but the way the nightmares will at least slow down is by talking about them."
Sirius sighed. He expected this, but he didn't like the answer very much.
"I know, it's not fun. And I'm not going to make you right now. I just wanted to tell you. I'm here to support you. I love you. I am here for you."
Sirius leaned over and kissed Remus on the cheek. "Thank you, Love. I know you're right. And I am willing to talk about them. I want them gone. But," Sirius paused for a moment before continuing. "Can we just sit for a few minutes longer? Just in quiet?"
"Of course," Remus reassured him warmly.
Sirius and Remus stayed there for a while, not talking. Sirius was lying on Remus' chest and both were content with each other. After a bit, Sirius started talking and went through his nightmare and Remus listened and spoke when appropriate.
It wasn't easy, but it was the first step to healing.
Harry, Neville, and Draco made their way to the Gryffindor Common Room. While it was a bit awkward in the beginning, the boys quickly found their rhythm. They talked past midnight and eventually went upstairs to sleep.
Harry, at one point, started thrashing from a nightmare.
Draco rolled over and rubbed his eyes, not sure what was going on. Draco opened his eyes and saw Neville at Harry's side.
"Shh, Harry. You're safe," Neville soothed, rubbing Harry's arm.
Draco quickly got up and went to Harry's other side, doing what Neville was doing until Harry was calmed down and once again sleeping soundly.
Draco looked up at Neville with a bewildered expression on his face and Neville gestured for Draco to follow him.
Draco followed Neville down the stairs and sat down next to him on one of the plush couches.
"What happened?" Draco asked.
"He had a nightmare," Neville said, sighing.
"I could see that. Is he okay? Does this happen often?"
Neville sighed and shrugged. "Harry does have nightmares frequently."
"I know that, but what did you do?"
"I calmed him down. Sometimes Harry will put up a privacy charm, but Professor Lupin and Black don't want him to do that. Harry must've gotten used to not putting one up so we heard him. I've lived with him long enough to know how to help him without waking him up."
"I knew he had nightmares, but I didn't realize he set up privacy charms," Draco admitted.
"I don't know if he still does them, but I wouldn't be surprised. Harry is ashamed of his nightmares and doesn't want people to know about them."
"Do you tell anyone that he has one?" Draco asked, wanting to help his friend in the best way he can.
"Not usually. I try to encourage him to talk to Lupin on his own. Sometimes if it's really bad I'll tell Black or Lupin, but don't tell Harry that. I only want to keep him safe."
"Of course. I won't say anything. But, uh, what do you mean keep him safe?"
"I shouldn't say anything," Neville said, paling.
"Neville, tell me what you're talking about," Draco said warningly.
Neville shook his head. "This wasn't a bad one. You'd know it if you saw it."
"Is he a danger to others?" Draco pressed.
"No!" Neville insisted.
"Then he's a danger to himself," Draco sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"I didn't say that!" Neville said, wanting to keep his friend's secret.
"Relax, Neville. I know everything," Draco said wearily, holding up a hand?"
"What do you mean?" Neville asked, not quite trusting him yet.
Draco looked at Neville knowingly. "I know you know. I know. Harry must unconsciously hurt himself during those bad nightmares."
"I'm not going to agree with you until we talk to Harry," Neville said.
"And that's fine," Draco said. "Just know that Harry's not alone, ever. He's got friends and people looking out for him."
Neville smiled at Draco. "Thanks, Malfoy. You're not half bad."
"You're not so bad yourself," Draco said, smiling, nudging Neville.
"Why don't we get back upstairs and get to sleep? We've got to keep our energy up for Harry," Neville said, teasing his sleeping friend.
"You're telling me," Draco said, mock-groaning and rolling his eyes.
Neville and Draco quickly fell back asleep once they were upstairs, both feeling good about their new friend.
Harry, Neville, and Draco were able to get breakfast from the house elves that morning and enjoy it in the Gryffindor Common Room. They hung out for a while longer as they talked and then played Exploding Snap before Draco went to check in with Sev, Neville went to see Professor Sprout, and Harry went to go fly.
When Neville was done with Professor Sprout, he made his way back to the Marauder Quarters and saw that Remus' waiting room door was open. Neville wandered in and then poked his head into Remus' office, knocking on the door.
"Professor? Do you have a minute?"
Remus looked up from his desk and smiled at Neville. "Of course! Come in, please. Take a seat," Remus said, getting up and gesturing to his office.
Neville nodded and smiled and sat down as Remus shut the door behind him and saw him across from Neville.
"What's on your mind?" Remus asked kindly.
"I know you're busy doing stuff and it's okay if you don't have time, but I was wondering if we could talk since I'm here."
"Of course!" Remus said, giving Neville a warm smile. "I was hoping we could do this. I would love to hear how everything is going."
Neville's face broke out into a relieved smile. "Oh, good. Thanks, Professor."
"Now, how has your summer been?" Remus asked, crossing his legs.
"It's been going pretty well," Neville said with a small smile. "Gran and I took a holiday out in Germany. And I've been able to set up a small Greenhouse at home."
"That's great, Neville! How has your Gran been with you?"
"Better," Neville replied honestly. "I had to see some family in Germany and that wasn't as fun. Gran has gotten loads better, thanks to you and Professor Black, but she hasn't quite figured out how to stand up for me yet. She did blow up at one uncle, which was kind of her, but scary," Neville said, a faraway look in his eyes before chuckling at the memory.
Remus nodded. "That's challenging. How did you handle it?"
Neville looked out the charmed window. "I did okay. But one day the depression and shame and humiliation were just too much. I stayed in bed. I told Gran I wasn't feeling well. I think she bought it. The next day I tried to do the same, but she didn't want that."
"Why do you think that is?"
"Because she's always so worried about our image!" Neville said, making fists and breathing heavily.
Remus sat there as Neville eventually relaxed and took some deep breaths, calming down. "Maybe that was part of it, but she probably was concerned, too. She kept trying to give me a Pepper-Up Potion and do a Cheering Charm on me." Neville shook his head. "I know it was her way of showing me she cared, but it wasn't what I needed. It's never what I needed."
"What did you need, Neville? What do you need?" Remus asked gently.
"I need someone to be there! I need someone who knows what to do!" Neville blinked back some tears and grabbed a tissue and held it in his hand.
"I know my Gran tried, but sometimes I can't help but wonder how-" Neville cut himself off and shook his head.
"What is it, Neville?" Remus asked gently.
Neville shook his head again.
"I'm not going to judge you. You're not a bad person for thinking it or saying it," Remus reminded him.
Neville squeezed the tissue and his eyes closed before saying, "Sometimes I wonder how my mum and dad would've handled this. How they would've helped me."
Remus got up from his chair and sat next to Neville. "Your mum would be worried for you. She'd know how to handle it, though. She'd check on you and sit with you. She'd make some comfort food and read your books. Your dad would be quiet but check on you as well. He'd take you for a long walk. You wouldn't have to say anything, but knowing he was there would be helpful. They'd be with you no matter what, always showering their love on you. They do love you, Neville. You are loved."
Tears were freely falling down Neville's face now and he leaned into Remus.
Remus wrapped an arm around Neville and let the boy cry. "You're not alone, Neville. You are loved."
Neville eventually stopped crying and stayed in Remus' embrace for a moment before getting out to grab a new tissue. "Gran really is getting better, sometimes I just need more."
"And that's okay, Neville. You deserve to get what you need. I can keep slipping tips to your Gran when I can and please, Neville, know you can contact me anytime. Sirius and I are always here for you. Hold tight to the people who love you. They're your family."
"Thanks, Moony," Neville said, slipping into what he called Remus as a child.
"Anytime, Love," Remus reassured them.
"I do feel better now. Really, I'm not just saying that. Sometimes I just have to get things out."
Remus nodded. "I understand that. I'm glad you feel better and if you don't feel good, you know where I'm at."
Neville nodded.
Remus looked at him thoughtfully before saying, "How about next month we have another session, just to check in? I can bring you back here for a few hours so we can chat."
"That would be great, Moony-er, Professor," Neville said.
Remus gave him a warm smile. "Good. And Neville, you don't have to call me Professor during the summer. Moony works just fine."
Neville grinned. "Thanks, Moony."
"I'm always here for you," Remus reminded Neville affectionately.
Remus and Neville continued to chat for another half an hour or so until Neville went back to the guest room to take a quick rest (therapy is exhausting). Remus, Sirius, Harry, and Neville, had a fun evening with dinner and games before going to bed.
At breakfast the next morning, once everyone had eaten a decent amount, Remus pulled something out of his cardigan pocket.
"Neville, I have something for you," Remus waved an official-looking envelope out of his pocket.
Neville turned from looking at Sirius. He glanced at Remus and picked up his fork, before looking up again and dropping it with a clatter.
"I-Is that what I think it is?" Neville asked shakily.
Remus nodded. "I thought you might want to check it here without the pressure of your grandmother."
Neville nodded and slowly stood up, walking to Remus apprehensively.
Harry, on the other hand, was staring holes into Remus, wanting to ask about his own. While he was excited for his friend, he wanted to know his own results.
"This is it," Neville whispered, staring at the letter.
"Why don't you go sit down in the sitting room, yeah?" Sirius suggested. "I will get you a glass of water and we'll be right in."
Neville nodded, dazed as he was trying to process that the fate of his classes was in his hands.
Sirius stood up to get the water as Neville stumbled to the sitting room.
"Moony Da!" Harry hissed, grabbing ahold of Remus' arm. "What about me?"
Remus gave Harry an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Cub. Since you took some of your tests later, they weren't done yet. I'm keeping my eye out."
Harry sighed, disappointed, but he understood. He took a deep breath and went out to the sitting room to support his friend.
"I'm sure you did great," Harry said, sitting next to Neville on the couch.
"What if I didn't? I could be holding the paper that determines my future as a loo cleaner!" Neville cried, waving the envelope.
"Neville," Remus said gently as he walked into the sitting room and sat next to the slightly hysterical boy. "It's easy to become overwhelmed with 'what-ifs'. Let's try to focus on the fact that there is hope. You haven't opened it yet and you could also be holding results that lead you to be the next Herbology professor."
Neville nodded but still paused.
"We're here to support you, Neville, no matter the results," Remus reminded him.
Neville nodded once more before taking a deep breath and opening the letter and scanned the letter.
"Dear Mr. Longbottom," Neville said under his breath before becoming silent as he saw his results.
"So?" Harry asked after a moment. "How'd you do?"
Neville's face broke out in a smile. "I did better than I thought!"
Potions: A
Charms: EE
Transfiguration: EE
Herbology: O
Care of Magical Creatures: EE
History of Magic: O
Defense Against the Dark Arts: O
Ancient Runes: A
"I passed! I passed them all! I even got three Os!" Neville was smiling so hard that Harry thought his face would break.
"No way! Nev, that's amazing!" Harry said, giving his friend a pat on the back.
"I did it, Moony! I did it!" Neville said, grinning.
Neville launched himself at Remus and Remus held him tight. "I am so proud of you, Neville. So proud of you. Your parents would be, too."
Neville teared up and Remus held him until Neville was ready to let go.
"I couldn't have done this without all of you, really," Neville said, looking at all three of them.
"You sure could've. Because you're amazing," Sirius said, giving him a warm smile.
"I just can't believe it!" Neville said, once again whooping for joy.
"Be proud of yourself. You earned it," Remus said.
Neville laughed out loud, so pleased with himself. "I can't believe it. I wonder what Gran will say." Neville's face lit up even more, if possible. "GRAN! I've got to tell her!" Neville turned his face so he could look at Remus and Sirius. "I know this is rude, but would either of you mind if I go home now to tell her? She's going to be so excited."
"It's not rude at all. Of course, we wouldn't mind. Go, get your things," Remus said, smiling.
"Thank you, thank you!" Neville exclaimed as he sped out of the room and then hurried back in, carrying his bag. "Thank you all! So much!" Neville said, giving them all a hug, before throwing the floo powder in and going home. Neville was so quick out of the fireplace that they could hear Neville's excited cries.
"Gran! Gran! Guess what?!"
Remus smiled and Sirius chuckled. Harry smiled too, but it certainly wasn't as big as Remus'.
"I'm so proud of that kid," Remus mused before going to sit down on the couch.
"He did well," Harry agreed.
Sirius looked at Remus and raised his eyebrows and he sat in the armchair.
"Harry, you will get your results soon. I promise you. You took them later, but I will get them for you as soon as I can."
"I know. It's just hard to see other people get them and to still not know," Harry admitted. "I'm happy for Nev, I really am! I just wish I knew, too."
"I understand that completely. Can I tell you a secret?"
Harry nodded.
"I wanted Neville to open his results here because I didn't know how his Gran would react. I wanted to ensure he would have a positive experience opening it here and have support. I didn't know if his grandmother was going to offer that or not."
"Oh," Harry said. He understood that. He had met Mrs. Longbottom and while she had a good heart, she was not nearly as warm as Remus. "That makes sense."
"I promise you, Harry, that when your results come we will be right here with you."
"Thanks, Moony Da," Harry said as he leaned into a hug from his uncle.
Remus kissed the top of his head and said, "How about we take a family walk around the lake? We haven't done that in a while."
"Yeah. Yeah. That'd be good," Harry agreed.
"You get ready. It'll be great," Sirius chimed in.
Harry hopped up and went to his room to get ready for the walk.
Leave it to the people who love you to make things better.
Hold on tight to them, whoever they may be.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Romania: 0800 801 200