Author's Note: CW/TW: Sexual innuendos, references to self-harm, panic attack, trauma, mentions of a needle
Hi, loves! Happy 2023! Thanks for all your wishes, prayers, good vibes, and messages! I appreciate them and also appreciate each and every one of you. You make this world better! Keep existing! I'm so glad you're here!
YOU ARE LOVED!
Previous Chapter Summary: Albus talks to Severus. Harry begins to talk about what happened and has a breakdown.
Chapter Summary: Remus talks to Harry and the Marauders and Co decide to get away for a few days.
When Harry woke up the next day, Sirius and Remus were still right next to him. Sirius was sleeping and Remus was reading a book. Harry blinked several times and tried to swallow.
His mouth felt like cotton and his arm was sore.
"Cubby? You awake?" Remus said quietly, smiling at his son.
"Moony Da?" Harry managed to choke out.
"I'm right here," Remus replied, still smiling. He threw a silencing charm over Sirius' head and turned back to Harry.
"Would you like some water?" Remus asked.
Harry shifted his body up on the bed and nodded, gratefully accepting the glass of water from Remus. He downed the cool liquid before handing it back to his uncle.
"Thanks," Harry said, feeling the tiniest bit more like himself.
"How're you feeling?" Remus asked gently.
Harry shrugged. "Sore. Kinda out of it."
Remus nodded. "Would you like to rest here before getting some tea?"
Harry nodded.
"Take all the time you need, Lovie," Remus said softly.
Harry smiled and put his head on Remus. He felt Remus' hands go through his hair and listened to him hum.
Harry, for this short amount of time, didn't think about anything else and enjoyed being with Remus.
Of course, any and all distractions must come to an end. Eventually, thoughts, worries, and fears began to sneak into Harry's head and he began to squirm.
Remus noticed this and said, "Why don't we get that tea now, hmm?"
Harry nodded. He allowed Remus to help him up and they quietly left the bed. Harry made himself comfortable on the couch and Remus came moments later with two teacups.
"Thanks, Moony Da," Harry said, grabbing a cup.
"Of course. Let's get a blanket for you, too," Remus said.
Harry smiled. Leave it to Remus to make sure everyone has a blanket.
Remus tucked the blanket into Harry (it wasn't lost on Harry that Remus chose a weighted blanket) before sitting down and picking up his own cup.
"What's on your mind, Love?" Remus asked.
Harry looked away from Remus and down at the mug. He watched the steam rise from it before taking a sip. He wasn't sure how to respond.
Remus allowed it to be quiet for several moments before asking, "Is that too big of a question right now?"
Harry nodded.
"Thanks for telling me that. Let me pick a different question that might be easier to answer. Do you remember what happened last night?"
Harry nodded.
"I'm glad. How are you feeling after letting all of that out?"
"Better. And worse," Harry replied honestly.
Remus nodded. "I hear that and that's very valid. It's okay to feel better and worse."
Hearing Remus' affirmation encouraged Harry to keep talking.
"I'm glad I got it out and it feels better that I said it all. But I feel worse because I feel so much and it's so- ugh!" Harry groaned and put his head in his hands. "I can't think of the right word. It's-" Harry stopped and groaned again.
"It sounds like you're feeling a lot of uncomfortable feelings and it's overwhelming," Remus said, trying to help Harry express how he's feeling.
"Yeah. I feel so angry and hurt and betrayed, but I also don't have the energy to deal with it. I know that doesn't make sense, sorry."
"You don't need to apologize, Cub. It makes perfect sense and I'm proud of you for expressing yourself. It's hard to do, especially in an uncomfortable situation and when you can't find the words you want to use."
Harry nodded. He was quiet for a moment before shifting so he was able to lean his head on Remus' chest.
"Thanks for being you, Moony Da. I love you."
Remus felt his heart swell. "I love you so much, Harry James. You are my everything. I am always here for you."
Harry felt a small smile tug on his lips before nestling back into Remus' chest. He just wanted to forget everything and stay with his Moony.
"Harry, from what I am hearing you say, you've got a lot of uncomfortable and heavy emotions right now, yeah?"
"Yeah," Harry quietly agreed.
"I think it would be helpful if we got out of Hogwarts right now. We're set to go to Black Manor for a couple of weeks anyway and I'm sure if I talked to Albus we could leave early and take some time for healing. What do you think?"
"That is a really good idea, Moony Da. It sucks not being able to spend most of the summer holiday at Black Manor like we used to. I love Hogwarts, but I'm kinda sick of it right now."
"I hear you. It is hard staying here and not going home. I know we stayed here last summer, too, but I think you were in too much pain and grief to process anything."
"Yeah," Harry agreed, thinking back to the summer of pain. "It wasn't good."
"No, it wasn't," Remus murmured his agreement, running a hand through Harry's hair. "I'm glad you're here."
Harry smiled. Remus always knew the right things to say. "Thanks, Moony Da."
Remus kissed Harry's head in response. "When all of this is over, we'll spend months at Black Manor, I promise. We only spend small amounts of time there and at other properties because the security is so much better here at Hogwarts. This is where we can keep you safe."
"I know," Harry sighed. "I just it wasn't like this. I mean especially for you and Dadfoot." Harry took another breath and opened his mouth to say something and then shut it, thinking it was better if he didn't say that.
However, it didn't take a magic wand for Remus to figure out what Harry was going to say. "Harry, don't blame yourself. We are better off with you. Trust me when I say that you're the most important thing to us."
Harry sighed. Remus can read his mind more than any occlumens. "But-" Harry began.
"Harry, if Dadfoot and I wanted to go to the house, we could easily leave you here and go, couldn't we?"
"I guess," Harry agreed.
"But we don't want to. Home is wherever we're with you," Remus reminded him.
"Moony Da," Harry said, blushing.
"It's true," Remus said.
"Is that how you got Dadfoot? Saying all this fluffy stuff?"
Sirius was standing in the doorway from the bedroom and was able to hear the last few sentences and finally decided to speak up.
"Well, what really got me was his big-"
Remus' eyes shot open and he carefully sat up with Harry. "HEART! My big heart," Remus supplied, cutting off whatever Sirius was going to say.
Sirius grinned evilly and Harry's confusion was morphing into disgust and horror.
"What I was going to say was that he's got a really great-"
Remus cut Sirius off again, this time standing up and walking toward his husband. "HEAD OF HAIR! You Blacks just love when someone has good hair."
"Takes one to know one," Sirius pointed out, whispering as Remus leaned in to kiss him.
Remus hummed and kissed his husband, shaking his head as we pulled away.
"Should we talk about what I love about you? Because it's a long list, if you know what I mean," Sirius said, winking.
"DADFOOT! I have enough trauma without you adding to it!" Harry cried, covering his eyes.
Remus chuckled and Sirius said, "Is that so? Why don't we ask a professional mind healer? Healer Lupin, does your patient really have enough trauma without me sharing this riveting information?"
Remus looked at Harry who was peeking through his fingers covering his eyes.
"I'd say he doesn't need anymore, especially this."
"Bollocks," Sirius said, dejected but clearly joking.
"DADFOOT!" Harry cried, groaning. "You're terrible!"
Sirius laughed and it took Remus a second to understand what Sirius did before gently cuffing him on the side of the head. "Really, Padfoot?" Remus asked, annoyed and amused.
"Ugh! I have to go scrub my ears clean to erase what I just heard," Harry groaned, standing up.
"We were having a nice morning before this one came around. I can just kick him out?" Remus suggested helpfully.
"I take offense to that Mr. Moony!" Sirius cried, crossing his arms.
Harry cracked a smile. "I'll be right back, I'm just using the loo. I know you're both just joking."
"Well," Sirius began, but a sharp nudge from Remus quickly quieted him. "Ow!"
Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Bye, Dadfoot," Harry called as he walked to the bathroom.
Remus shook his head and he and Sirius moved to the couch to sit together. "Now that he's gone I can tell you what I was going to say."
"I think we all knew what you were going to say, Padfoot," Remus replied dryly.
"But you don't know what I want to do with it tonight," Sirius said, leaning in to whisper in Remus' ear.
By the time Sirius pulled away, Remus' cheeks were a warm pink. "I think that can be arranged, Sirius Black."
"Oh, it better be, Remus Lupin."
Sirius was on board with getting out of Hogwarts and Albus didn't take any convincing at all. He was happy to do anything that would help Harry and provide him with the space he needs.
By the evening, all three boys had packed a bag and were on their way. They apparated and while Harry tried to prepare himself for the sensation, it wasn't easy. As soon as they got to their destination, Harry found himself on the ground, rocking back and forth.
"Harry, you're safe. Take some breaths. Moony Da is here. Dadfoot is here. You are safe."
Harry wasn't fully in a panic attack and was able to ground himself quickly.
"I-I'm fine," Harry weakly protested.
"I see that," Remus said calmly. "Humor me and take some deep breaths. We'll get up in a minute."
So the three boys sat on a warm, grassy hill in silence for several minutes until Harry spoke up.
"W-wait. This isn't Black Manor," Harry commented, blinking and looking around.
"It's not. We'll be going there, but we're staying somewhere else for a few days. It'll help you and also keep us safer from Death Eaters."
Harry nodded. "Okay. I'm ready now."
Remus and Sirius helped Harry up and they began walking to their house.
"Where are we? Which place are we going to?" Harry asked.
"You'll just have to wait and see," Sirius teased.
Remus looked over at Harry's face to make sure he was comfortable and was relieved when he saw that he was. He knows surprises aren't always easy for Harry and wants to make sure that he feels safe and in control of situations when he can since there are so many that he doesn't feel that way.
It took another minute, but they reached a point and Harry started to laugh. "REHAB HOUSE! You brought me to rehab!" Harry cried with glee.
Sirius barked a laugh and Remus shook his head. Harry was clearly coping with humor and that's okay. He couldn't therapize Harry all of the time.
"It's not rehab, Harry. Trust me, we've done rehab here before."
Sirius shook his head, shaking away a memory.
"So you've said. Maybe I'll hear some of those stories?" Harry asked hopefully.
Sirius and Remus exchanged a look. "Eventually. Maybe not this trip, but soon," Remus said.
Harry shrugged. Fair enough. He knew Remus was looking out for his best interests and knew what he was doing.
"When we get to the house, can I go to the waterfall?" Harry asked.
"We're having a late lunch since we didn't eat before we left. Then we'll make some plans and talk," Remus explained.
"But Moony Da!" Harry whined.
"Harry," Sirius said warningly.
Harry huffed.
"I promise you're going to go today, Harry. We've just got to talk some things through, okay? Remember, we're here to help you. Trust your dads on this one, okay?"
"Okay, Moony Da," Harry agreed. He didn't love it, but he didn't have much of a choice, either.
They made their way to the small cottage where they set their bags down.
"I think we've got some pasta we can make?" Sirius suggested as he went to the cupboards. "It should be enough until I can go to the store later today. Ooh, options!" Sirius said as he opened the cupboard.
"What d'we got?" Harry asked, trying to look over his shoulder.
"Pasta with marinara or pasta salad."
"Pasta salad!" Harry requested.
"Go in the fridge and make sure we have the Italian dressing," Sirius said.
Harry did as he said and smiled when he saw it. "Yup! We have it!"
"Perfect! Help me make it while Moony's getting us settled," Sirius requested.
Harry agreed and by the time they were done with their lunch, Remus was done with getting things situated.
"All good, Moony?" Sirius asked as he started to dish out the bowls as Remus sat down at the table.
"All good. All good with you?"
Harry nodded and Sirius replied with a kiss on Remus' cheek.
"So can I go to the waterfall when we're done?" Harry asked. He was desperate to get a break from his mind.
Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.
"You're going to journal for 15 minutes or so before we have a chat and then you may go. But, I'll be giving you a timer that will buzz when you have to head back. It uses muggle batteries."
Harry wished he could leave right away, but didn't want to push it.
They talked more about their plans for the next day or so as they finished lunch. Sirius headed out to the market to get some food for dinner as Remus and Harry cleared the table.
"Harry, there's a journal that should be in your room if you haven't brought your other one. Go start and I'll finish up," Remus offered.
"Okay, Moony," Harry agreed. He dried his hands on the towel and headed up the stairs. He did bring his journal Moony gave him from last time and pulled it out. He didn't do much writing, mostly doodling, but that was okay. There isn't any "wrong" way to journal and reflect. As long as one stays safe, they're doing it right.
Eventually, Remus came upstairs and knocked on Harry's door.
"How're you doing, Love?"
"Alright," Harry said, shutting the journal. "I'm just excited to go to the waterfall."
Remus smiled. "I hear that you're excited and I respect that. Let's chat for a few minutes and then you can go, okay?"
Harry nodded and stood up and followed Remus to his study.
"How're you feeling, Cub?" Remus asked once they were situated.
Harry shrugged. "Okay. I'm happy to be here and excited for Black Manor." Harry was quiet and looked out the window for a minute before speaking again. "I guess I've tried to push everything away since last night. It's a lot to deal with and it's overwhelming," Harry explained slowly, trying to find the right words.
Remus nodded and crossed his legs. "I hear you."
"I'm not trying to push it away forever or anything, but it's been easier to get through today by doing it."
"I understand. I hope you feel like you're in a safe enough space here to process it. You're safe here, Harry."
Harry gave Remus a weak smile. "I know. I think I will be. I just want some time to just be and to take a break. It's been a lot to deal with and I just want a break."
"I understand," Remus said, smiling. "I won't hold you any longer. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be safe. Here's the alarm for you," Remus said, handing it to Harry. "And please get me if you need me, okay?"
"I will. Thanks, Moony Da," Harry said as he stood up and grabbed the small alarm. He hugged Remus before leaving the study and heading out to the path that leads to the waterfall.
Harry tried his best to ignore the voices in his head as he walked to the waterfall. He sighed in relief when he got there and sat down.
He enjoyed the roar of the waterfall blocking out all of the sounds and noise in his head. For a short amount of time, Harry didn't have to relieve what happened with Severus constantly. He was able to just sit with himself.
Harry didn't pay attention to how much time had passed, but he did feel the timer buzz which indicated that it was time to head back to the cottage.
Harry slowly got up, took another deep breath, and left the waterfall. He practiced mindfulness and breathing exercises on his way back, trying to distract his mind from the thoughts that were creeping in.
However, by the time Harry was nearing the edge of the forest, he couldn't do it anymore. He could see the cottage, but couldn't hold back his tears.
Harry threw the alarm that Remus gave him and slid down a tree. He started to cry.
He was angry, hurt, and betrayed and wished that it had never happened. He wished Severus didn't drink before the lesson. He wished he had never gone. He wished he didn't hide inside his mind.
Meanwhile, Remus was waiting for Harry to come home. Sirius was resting after going to the market and Remus knew that Harry should be returning soon.
He added about 10 minutes longer than what the walk should be before heading out to find Harry. He knew he was in a vulnerable state right now and was worried about his son.
Remus only had to the edge of the path to see Harry sitting on the ground. Remus knew that Harry had made it as far as he could and wasn't upset at all. Instead, Remus walked over to Harry silently and sat next to him.
Harry had seen Remus approach and sit next to him and was thankful that he wasn't asking any questions because he couldn't handle it right now.
Harry cried silently for a moment longer before turning to Remus. "He hurt me, Moony Da! I don't know why he did it!"
Harry put his head on Remus' shoulder and Remus placed a protective arm around Harry.
"I hear you, I do. You're safe with me."
"I'm angry! And I don't want to be angry! But I am!"
"It's okay to be angry. It's okay to cry. Let it out, Cub."
And Harry did. He continued to cry and scream and say things while Remus listened and validated him. About twenty minutes later, Harry's cries were reduced to the occasional sniffle.
"How're you feeling?" Remus asked tenderly, once again running his hands through Harry's hair.
"Better. I think I needed to get that out," Harry admitted.
Remus nodded, giving a hum. "Crying can be cathartic. It really is good to cry."
"As I said before, I don't want to be mad at him, and I'm not really anymore. I'm still hurt and I don't trust him, but I know he wasn't trying to hurt me."
Remus was quiet for a moment as he thought of what he wanted to say. "I think," Remus began slowly, "that forgiveness is important and so is letting go of anger. I also think that you can't control your feelings and this did happen recently. It's okay to feel whatever you want to feel. If you're not angry now and angry later, that's okay. I want you to heal in whatever way works for you and not to box yourself in, does that make sense?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, it does. I am still hurt, but I also get it. I mean he made a bunch of decisions and things spiraled out of control. I have had that happen to me and it sucks."
"It does," Remus agreed.
It was quiet before Remus spoke up again. "Harry, if you don't mind me asking, where did all this come from?"
"I had a break from everything at the waterfall. I didn't have to deal with it. Then everything came back and it was a lot. But taking that break allowed my brain to heal more and just get back to where it's usually at."
"Breaks are helpful. That's why we brought you here," Remus said.
"I know. Thanks, Moony Da," Harry said.
"Anything for you," Remus replied, kissing him on the head.
Harry and Remus stayed there for a bit longer before heading back to the cottage, where Sirius was just waking up from his nap.
Healing doesn't follow a set path, and that's okay. Remus was there to help Harry in any way he could, and he was always going to be there for him.
However, no one could've predicted what was going to happen next.
Harry, Remus, and Sirius enjoyed another day at the cottage before packing up to go to Black Manor.
Remus had another small session before they left. He wanted the manor to be a time free of therapy and for them to be a family and wanted to make sure Harry was stable enough for that.
"How're you doing, Harry?" Remus asked as they sat down in their usual spots in his study.
"I'm good, Moony Da," Harry replied honestly.
"Good?" Remus repeated. He hadn't heard that word out of Harry's mouth in months.
Harry cracked a smile. "I'm away from Hogwarts, beginning to process what happened, going to Black Manor, and spending time with my dads. I'm good." Harry felt that thins were finally looking up for him.
"Harry, that is wonderful to hear," Remus replied earnestly.
"It's thanks to you! Who else helped me become so self-aware?"
"You did all the work yourself. I just stood by you."
"I'd say you did more than that," Harry pointed out.
Remus shook his head but didn't argue the point any further. "How's your mood?"
"Pretty decent. I'm not carefree and waking up excited to tackle another day, but at least today, I'm not wanting to die, so that's nice. It's a nice change," Harry chuckled.
"I know you're using humor to cope, but I'm glad to hear that. It's a nice relief, isn't it?" Remus said.
"Yeah, it is," Harry nodded. "It might not last, but I'm feeling pretty okay. Good. Like I know there are still rough spots and things I need to work through and deal with, but I'm on vacation with my dads, I'm safe, and I am enjoying each day. It's nice."
Remus could tell that Harry was happier and not as burdened as he was when he arrived a couple of days ago. He was so proud of his cub for fighting to get to the point.
"I don't want to ruin your mood, but I do want to quickly remind you that if your mood changes, I'm still proud of you and that it's normal. Does that make sense?"
Harry nodded. "I'm glad you said that. Yeah, it does. I know it'll happen, but I just want to enjoy how I feel right now."
Remus understood. Harry was stable enough to go to Black Manor and Remus felt comfortable not pushing anymore.
Therapy is helpful, certainly, but sometimes it's okay to let wounds heal. They'll never heal if one keeps reopening them. Sometimes time and air will be more helpful than talking about it each day.
The boys apparated to Black Manor (outside of the wards) and Remus and Sirius were immediately by Harry's side.
"Are you alright, Harry?" Sirius asked, holding his hand.
Harry nodded, taking deep breaths. "Yeah, just taking some breaths."
"Good job, Cub," Remus praised, rubbing his back.
In less than a minute, Harry stood up again and said, "I'm good. I'm good."
"So proud of you, Pup," Sirius said, squeezing his hand.
"Are you sure you're good?" Remus asked cautiously.
"Yeah, I'm good. Let's go," Harry insisted, this time with a stronger voice.
Sirius, Remus, and Harry made their way to Black Manor. When Harry could finally see it in the distance, he grinned. "There it is! There it is!"
Sirius and Remus exchanged smiles. "We're almost home, Pup," Sirius whispered warmly in Harry's ear.
Harry grinned further.
Home.
Before they all went their separate ways to unpack, the three boys sat down to review the rules of Black Manor.
"What rules do you remember, Harry?" Remus asked patiently.
Harry bit back a sigh. They went over this every time! Still, he knew that Remus and Sirius were just looking out for him.
"I'm allowed to use some magic, but not go overboard. The most magic I can use is if we are practicing dueling. I have to stay on Manor grounds at all times and let you know if I leave the house or am practicing a potion or, doing anything remotely dangerous, really."
"Sounds good to me," Sirius said to Remus.
"You're forgetting one thing," Remus told Harry gently.
Harry thought through the rules in his head. He didn't think he'd forgotten one?
"Get us at any time. We're here for you," Remus reminded his son.
Harry smiled. "Yes, Moony Da. I promise I will."
"Good. Now go unpack," Remus said with a tilt of his head.
"And have fun!" Sirius added as Harry flew up the stairs.
"We have some unpacking to do ourselves," Sirius said seductively to Remus, blowing in his ear.
Remus didn't waste another second before going up the stairs.
They were home.
Harry unpacked while Sirius and Remus… "unpacked", too. Harry didn't take long before going to walk around the manor. When he saw Sirius, he asked him if he could take a walk outside, and that was allowed.
That night, they had a roast for dinner and played Rummy before heading to bed, all of them extremely content.
Harry knew he would sleep well tonight.
Well, he thought he would.
Harry was woken up around 3 am by the smell of smoke. It took him a second before he leaped out of his bed, grabbed his wand, and ran out of his room. In the hallway, he saw Sirius and Remus in the hallway, running toward him.
There was a loud explosion and Harry went to move to go to the window, but Remus grabbed him.
"What is it? Is it Death Eaters?" Harry asked.
Sirius had run to a window and ran back, nodding.
"How'd they find us? We're under the Fidelius!" Harry insisted, still fighting to get out of Remus' hold.
"I don't know, Harry, but we have to get out of here," Sirius said, running into each room to make sure they were safe at the moment.
"We've got to fight! We've got to fight!" Harry insisted, struggling against Remus.
"Harry, we're going," Remus told him firmly. "We're apparating, hold tight," Remus said, tightening his grip on Harry.
However, nothing happened.
"Sirius," Remus said, worried.
"They must've somehow placed anti-apparition charms on our house." Sirius didn't even hesitate before coming up with another idea. "I think we still have a fire in our bedroom. You and Harry go and then I'll shut down the floo," Sirius ordered quickly.
"No! NO! We're not leaving you!" Harry insisted, fighting against Remus' hold even more.
"Harry, we need to make sure you're safe. I think I still have an emergency portkey here. It's downstairs."
"No! Moony Da! Don't leave Dadfoot!" Harry said, kicking.
"Harry, you've got to go. I'm right behind you," Sirius said, looking Harry in the eyes. "The longer we wait the more dangerous it becomes. You need to go."
However, Harry wasn't ready to back down. He fought Remus the entire time, kicking and screaming, as he was forced into the floo.
Remus and Harry landed in Albus' office.
"No! No!" Harry screamed, fighting against Remus. "Dadfoot's still there! Dadfoot's STILL THERE!"
Albus had been alerted that his floo was used and hurried as he heard Harry screaming. As fast as the old man could, he hurried out of bed and went to his office.
"Remus? Harry? What's going on?"
"HE LEFT DADFOOT THERE! HE LEFT DADFOOT THERE!" Harry shouted.
"Harry, Dadfoot is on his way here. He's going to be okay," Remus kept telling Harry.
"Death Eaters found Black Manor. We had to escape. We flooed here, but Sirius shut down the floo after we left. He's taking a portkey to Hogsmeade when he finds it. I'd appreciate it if someone met him in Hogsmeade in case anyone is waiting," Remus explained to Dumbledore.
"Of course. Let me alert other professors. I'll also get Minerva," Albus said, referencing how upset Harry was.
"Thank you," Remus said, still holding Harry.
"Moony Da! Let me go! I have to save Dadfoot! Let me go!"
"Harry, Dadfoot can take care of himself. We needed to get you to safety."
"I'm not a child! I can fight!"
"Now wasn't the time to fight, Harry. There's a time to run and there's a time to fight. This time, we needed to run."
Harry screamed again and continued to try to escape Remus' hold. "You always fought! Let me fight! I can handle it!"
"Harry, you're safe at Hogwarts. Dadfoot will be here soon," Remus reassured Harry.
"THEY ONLY WANT ME! JUST LET ME GO! I'M THE ONE THEY WANT! THEN DADFOOT WILL BE SAFE! LET ME GO!" Harry screamed.
Minerva hurried in as Harry was yelling.
"Harry, you need to take some breaths. You are not a pawn to give up. You are not the sacrificial lamb. You are an almost 16-year-old boy who has a lot going for him. Dadfoot and I are here to love you and keep you safe. Let us do our jobs," Remus reminded Harry.
Harry's anger finally began to fade and turn into sadness. He stopped fighting against Remus and would've fallen to the ground if Remus hadn't had such a firm hold on him.
Harry began to cry and tried to talk in between sobs. "My…. fault. Wasn't... for me. Save… him. Can't lose… 'nother.. Dad!"
Remus hugged Harry tight. "You're not losing another dad. It's not your fault. It's our job to keep you safe. We love you."
While Remus knows that it's important for people to feel their emotions and work things out, he also knows when it's becoming dangerous.
"Minerva, I need a calming drought," Remus requested.
Minerva nodded. "Let me grab one. Hold tight," She replied, hurrying out.
"Harry, I need you to take some deep breaths with me. We've got to slow your breathing down," Remus said.
"No! I just want Dadfoo' safe!" Harry cried. He turned his body to escape again, but Remus kept him near his chest.
"You've got to take deep breaths, Harry, come on," Remus tried to coach.
Harry shook his head and once again fought against Remus.
Albus' floo comes alive again and Minerva and Poppy step out.
"Can he take a potion right now?" Poppy asked, getting right to the point.
"Harry, if you don't calm down we're going to have to give you a calming drought another way. You've got to stop moving so we can spell it inside of you or give it to you orally," Remus explained.
Harry, however, couldn't even comprehend the request. He was determined to save his godfather.
"I don't want to traumatize him further," Remus insisted, watching Poppy prepare a syringe.
"He won't remember it, Remus. He's too worked up. Is there anything else you want to try?"
"Give me one more try. If he is still enough, spell it in his stomach," Remus said.
Remus wrapped his legs around Harry and tighten his arms. He started to rock him back and forth and hum in his ear.
Harry didn't respond at first, but he eventually quieted down and stopped thrashing enough for Poppy to spell a calming draught in his stomach. Harry immediately calmed down after that, enough for him to be still enough for Poppy to coax another calming drought down Harry's throat.
"Harry? Harry, can you hear me?" Remus asked softly.
"Moony Da?" Harry asked quietly.
"I'm right here. I'm holding you. You're safe."
"Moony Da, what happened?" Harry asked.
Remus, Poppy, and Minerva all exchanged a look.
"Harry, why don't we take this time to take some deep breaths right now?" Remus suggested.
"N-no. I know something happened. We were at Black Manor and-" Harry stopped talking and gasped. "Dadfoot! Dadfoot!"
"Harry James, listen to me," Remus said in his alpha voice, not wanting Harry to get overwhelmed again.
"Dadfoot is coming. He's going to be safe. You need to stay calm. Dadfoot's on his way back right now."
"B-But he might not be safe! Moony Da!" Harry cried.
"Love, I know it's scary, but all we can do right now is hold onto each other and wait for news," Remus told Harry.
Harry paused, not even thinking how scared Remus would be. "Oh, Moony Da! You're worried too! I wasn't even thinking!"
Harry hit his head and made a motion to do it again, but Remus stopped him. "Hey, none of that," Remus chided lightly."I am worried, yes. I also know that Dadfoot is going to come back to us. The Death Eaters weren't even in the house yet. Dadfoot is probably in Hogsmeade as we speak."
"I just can't lose him!" Harry choked out.
"It's okay to be sade, Harry. It's okay to be worried. We just have to keep breathing," Remus told him.
Harry started to cry again but wasn't out of control. Remus held him and spoke quietly to him.
After about three minutes, a Patronus appears and Filus Flitwick's voice rings out.
"I have Sirius. He is safe. We're heading back now."
Harry gasped and started to cry happy tears into Remus now.
Remus himself couldn't help but let a few tears escape. He was worried about his husband but had to keep it together for Harry.
After a minute of letting their emotions outs. Poppy went to Remus and Harry and bent down. "Harry, I'm not trying to take you from your father, but I've got to check you out. You were so upset and I need to make sure you're okay."
"C-Can we wait until Dadfoot's here? I've got to see him," Harry requested.
"He's coming to the hospital wing, too. Why don't we meet him there?"
Harry nodded after Remus whispered in his ear to convince him to go.
Poppy helped Harry up and Remus slowly got up after Harry. Now that the adrenaline was going down, he was starting to become sore. Minerva, being the mother she is, saw this and grabbed Remus' arm (like she'd done loads of times when he was a student after a full moon) and carefully helped him to the fireplace. They flooed to the hospital wing where Poppy was able to get them both settled and begin Harry's examination before Sirius limped through the door, Flitwick, Albus, and Hagrid trailing behind him.
"DADFOOT!" Harry yelled as he ran toward his godfather. "DADFOOT! Dadfoot!" Harry threw himself at him and wrapped his arms around him. "I was so worried," Harry tearfully admitted into Sirius' shoulder. "I'm glad you're here."
"I'm here. I'm good, Harry. We're all safe," Sirius assured his son, stroking his hair.
"We're all safe," Sirius repeated "It's going to be okay."
Harry didn't know about that, but they were all alive and that was a start.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Mexico: 5255102550
Romania: 0800 801 200