Author's Note: TW: mentions and descriptions of trauma and trauma response, depression and depressive episode.
I can't thank you all enough for your love and support. The messages are so overwhelmingly sweet. Thank you! Please enjoy the next chapter. All my love! You matter! You make a positive difference in this world! You are loved!
Previous Chapter Summary: Harry talks to Remus about what happened with Ron and Hermione. Slughorn hosts a Slug Club Dinner. Harry has a run-in with Snape and copes in a unique way.
This Chapter Summary: Harry reveals his animagus form to Sirius and Remus. Harry tells his parents and Minerva what happened with Snape and the Slug Club Party. Harry has a depressive episode.
When Harry woke up the next morning, he didn't see anyone in bed with him, but he did smell some bacon and coffee. Harry smiled despite feeling overwhelmed and padded out of his parent's bedroom to the kitchen.
"Harry! You're awake" Sirius said, smiling.
"Hi, Dadfoot. How was last night?" Harry asked as he hugged Sirius.
"It was nice. Uhm, very interesting," Sirius said as he grabbed his coffee mug and sipped it.
"In what way?" Harry asked, holding back a smile.
"Well," Sirius began. He looked to Remus who put some bacon on a plate, turned off the stove, and wiped his hands on his apron. Remus looked at Sirius and then at Harry.
"It was a pretty normal night but there was a stag that was acting unusual. It reminded us of your father. It was only there for a short time, but it was special. We could feel his presence last night and can still feel him this morning."
Sirius and Remus smiled at each other and at Harry.
"I remember when he used to turn back into Prongs the next morning. We'd be sleeping or eating or doing something and he would turn into Prongs and nudge us or make us laugh, especially when the night was a rough transformation," Remus said.
"It did always make us smile. Merlin, that stag really did act like Prongs. There was something familiar about it, too. I was Padfoot so my brain wasn't quite as sharp as it is when I'm human, but there was something about it," Sirius murmured.
"James would be proud of that stag," Remus said. "It seemed fun. James loved to play with the fun deer and stags. But you're right, there was something familiar about it. It looked… special," Remus agreed.
Remus and Sirius were standing near each other and smiling wistfully, thinking about James. Remus had his arm around Sirius and Sirius was holding his coffee mug.
Harry could feel his father as well. He decided that this was as good a time as any.
"Like this?" Harry said as he transformed into his animagus form.
Harry would never forget what happened next for as long as he lived.
Harry transformed into his animagus form.
Remus' mouth dropped open and Sirius dropped his coffee mug.
Stag Harry made his way over to the two shocked marauders and nudged them with his antlers.
"Harry?" Remus asked quietly.
Harry the Stag nodded.
Sirius was the first to break out of shock by letting out a watery chuckle. He patted Harry's head and looked at his face.
"It was his eyes, Moony. He still has Lily's eyes,"
Remus broke out of his frozen state now and looked into Harry's eyes. "That he does."
Harry nudged them a bit more with the antlers before turning back into a human, sensing they were still pretty surprised.
"Harry James, I'd say you have some explaining to do," Remus eventually said.
"Are you mad?" Harry asked worriedly.
"Mad? No! Of course not!" Remus said softly, leading Harry to a chair. "Shocked and a bit worried? Yeah, I'd say so. Do we have questions? A lot of them."
"How'd you learn?" Sirius asked, taking the other seat next to Harry.
A sly smile grew on Harry's face. "Grandma Min," he admitted.
"Grandma Min," Sirius breathed. "Grandma Min?" He repeated louder. "Minerva!" Sirius said.
Sirius immediately got up and went to the floo. Within a minute, he was back with an amused Minerva McGonagall.
"Did you help turn my son into an animagus?" Sirius asked with his hands on his hips.
Minerva smiled and sipped the tea she brought with her.
"You didn't even tell us! He's a child! I mean I'm proud of him, but we didn't even know!"
"Ah, karma is sweet for some and bitter for others," Minerva mused, sipping her tea again.
"Karma?!" Sirius repeated.
"You do have to share the memory, Harry. I have to see this," Minerva said. "Why now?"
Harry's smile fell a bit and Remus immediately picked up on it. He noticed a change in Harry's energy."What is it, Harry? What happened?" Remus asked kindly.
Harry sighed. He looked down and fiddled with his hands.
Sirius and Minerva looked at each other and then at Remus.
Remus silently summoned a fidget and gently placed it in Harry's hands. "There," he said softly. "You tell us when you're ready."
Harry bit his lip and nodded. He fiddled with the fidget and took a few breaths before saying, "It started at Slughorn's party."
Remus nodded, listening carefully.
"It was boring, but it was okay. Then Snape showed up."
Sirius bristled at this but didn't say anything.
"I wasn't happy he was there. Then, when we were done, we had to take a picture and Slughorn put me next to him and he had to put his arm around me."
Harry squirmed, uncomfortable with even retelling what had happened. He took some deep breaths to ground himself before speaking. "I left and I was so angry. I didn't want to be near him. I-I wasn't ready," Harry admitted.
Remus nodded. "I hear you. That sounds rather hard."
"He then followed me. He tried to talk to me, but I was so angry. I couldn't handle it. I yelled at him. I then wanted to get away. I remembered reading something about how animagi's emotions are more muted when they're transformed. I was so overwhelmed so I transformed. Then I ran into Moony Da and Dadfoot. Then I came back here and slept."
"How are you feeling now?" Remus asked after a beat of silence.
Harry shrugged. "I mean it was fun to show you both."
"How long have you been learning?" Remus asked, still amused with the whole situation.
"Since last year. Do you remember when we made a deal and you gave me a pass to the restricted section?" Harry asked.
"I do," Remus nodded, agreeing. "You got a book about how to be an animagus?"
Harry nodded.
"And you're a stag, just like your dad," Sirius said, his eyes teary.
"Yeah, I am," Harry said.
"How are you feeling?" Remus asked. " I remember the first few transformations being quite painful for your father. He had quite a headache with the antlers," Remus said.
"I'm okay. It was pretty bad the first few times, but right now I'm just a little sore."
"We can get you a pain potion right now, Love," Sirius offered.
"Nah," Harry waved it off. "I'm okay."
The fact that Harry was in pain and didn't want a pain reliever didn't go unnoticed by Remus, but he didn't say anything about it.
"Do you want us to talk to Severus?" Minerva asked.
Harry shook his head. "No. I- I don't want to deal with him right now. I just want to leave it be, okay?"
"Of course," Minerva said, patting his arm.
"We're so proud of you, Pup. That's a challenging thing to do, especially as an underage wizard," Sirius said. He smirked and said, "I'm guessing you're not registered, either."
"I am not going to confirm or deny that," Harry replied cheekily.
"That's our Pup!" Sirius said proudly.
Minerva smiled and shook her head. "I'm proud of you, Harry. I'm going to go back to my quarters now, but I am so proud of you."
"Thanks, Grandma Min. For everything," Harry said, giving her a fierce hug.
Minerva whispered in Harry's ear and Harry smiled and blushed before Minerva went back to her quarters.
"So, breakfast?" Harry asked, eyeing the bacon. He was hungry after losing his appetite last night at the dinner.
"Yes, Cub. Breakfast," Remus said with a smile, getting a plate for Harry.
At least some things stay the same.
Harry decided to stay with his godparents that weekend. He was still a bit shaken from everything that happened at Slughorn's party and he also rather enjoyed scaring and surprising them by turning into his animagus form.
The next week he was feeling better and thankful to see his Auntie Marlene for Defense. He had a great class with her. He ate lunch in the Great Hall and went to Alchemy where they had a guest professor speak, some old friend of Dumbledore.
However, Harry noticed his mood was fading. While he had felt big emotions over the past weekend, he hadn't felt so low in a while.
Harry mumbled some excuse he couldn't remember to his friends before heading to the Marauder Quarters.
While he didn't want to be pestered by his parents, he also wanted some privacy. He knew he had the choice of not being bothered by his parents and being in his dorm room, but he didn't want to deal with his dorm mates.
So, that's how Harry James Potter found himself curled up in his bed, hugging Prongsy close to his chest, at 4:30 on a Monday afternoon.
Remus and Sirius both finished up late that day in their respective offices and headed straight to dinner. They were both a bit surprised and worried about their son and asked a few other staff members about him.
"Marls, you had Harry today. How was he?" Sirius asked.
"He was good. He did quite well in our lesson, no surprise. He seemed positive and I saw him joking with his friends. He came to lunch after, I saw him here."
"Albus, did you see Harry for Alchemy? I know you had a guest speaker, but I don't know if you popped in or not," Sirius then asked the headmaster.
"I did see him, yes," Albus nodded. "He was quiet, but I didn't notice anything unusual."
Remus nodded and Sirius thanked him.
Minerva saw the concerned looks that both of her boys had on their faces.
"Sirius, Remus, Harry could just be sleeping right now. It is a Monday and he's sixteen. He could be coming late. Finish your supper and then go check on him. If there was something wrong that someone noticed, they would have already told us," Minerva reminded them.
"You're right," Remus said, taking a deep breath. "We can't jump to conclusions. No alarm has gone off. We'll check when we're done. Let's finish our dinner. We can't help him the way he might need if we're too hungry to focus. Eat up," Remus encouraged softly, kissing Sirius' cheek.
Sirius took a breath now and nodded. "You're right. Thanks, Love."
Remus nodded and both quietly, and quickly, went to finish their dinner.
Remus and Sirius finished around the same time a few other professors did, so not many paid attention to their departure. Minerva, however, could tell they were both on edge. She gave both of them a comforting squeeze as they walked by and they gave her a grateful smile in return.
"We'll keep you updated," Remus said quietly to the Transfiguration professor.
Remus and Sirius headed to Remus' office, where the map was, and both were relieved to find Harry in his bed in their quarters.
Remus closed the map and put it in his pocket, just in case, before they both walked to their quarters.
"He's probably just sleeping, right?" Sirius asked hopefully.
"You have that feeling in your stomach too, huh?" Remus asked, glancing over at his husband.
Sirius nodded. "Yeah. It just doesn't feel like everything's alright," Sirius admitted.
"We'll be there soon," Remus assured him.
Sirius gave a nod back and they picked up their pace to the Marauder Quarters.
When they got there, Sirius stood a bit away from Harry's door and Remus slightly knocked on it before poking his head in.
"Harry? Are you awake?"
Harry was awake, much to his displeasure. At least asleep he would be away from the thoughts that haunt his mind. "I'm awake, Moony Da," Harry replied.
"Can I come in?" Remus asked.
"Sure," Harry said, not bothering to move.
Remus could smell the hopelessness, sadness, and depression as soon as he opened the door. The air was thick with it and Remus had to hold back a whine.
Remus went over to where Harry was lying and sat on the edge of the bed. "We missed you at dinner. What's going on, Cub?"
Harry shrugged and kept staring at the wall.
"Did something happen?" Remus asked.
"No," Harry replied quietly, shaking his head.
"Okay," Remus said. "Is it your head?"
Harry didn't reply, but he shrugged and his eyes filled up with tears.
"Hey, hey. I'm right here," Remus said softly. He got up from the edge of the bed and sat down on the floor in front of Harry's face. Remus gently moved a piece of hair away from Harry's face and gave him a warm smile.
"How are you feeling, Love?"
Harry was quiet for a moment before saying, "I dunno. I'm sad, I guess. I just don't feel good." Harry blinked back tears and kept his eyes focused on the wall behind Remus.
"Yeah, I hear you," Remus said. "It's not an easy feeling and it is rather uncomfortable. Is it like how you felt that one time this past summer?"
Harry nodded. "I just want to stay here," Harry whispered.
"I understand," Remus said, stroking Harry's head. "I am not going to make you move. I'm going to sit with you for a few more minutes before I ask you a question, okay?"
Harry nodded. He didn't necessarily feel better, but he closed his eyes and felt Remus stroke his head.
He may feel alone, but he could feel the love and warmth practically oozing from Remus.
Remus was right, after a few minutes he said, "Harry, I am not going to make you move, okay? I do have a question for you."
Harry opened his eyes and finally looked at Remus and nodded.
"I know how hard it is to feel this way and how things can seem impossible. Do you want to talk about it?"
Harry shook his head. "Please, no."
"That's okay, I expected that. I know it's hard. I'll give you these choices, okay?"
Harry nodded to show he was listening.
"As I said, I know how hard things seem and how hard it can be to do everyday tasks. Let's try one together. Do you want to take a shower or eat dinner?"
Harry was quiet. "I really don't want to move."
Remus nodded. "I understand. What if we just get you out of bed for a little bit? Just a couple of minutes?" Remus asked.
"I can try," Harry said.
"That would be amazing. So, amazing," Remus praised. "Do you want to take a shower or eat dinner?"
"Eat dinner. B-but just something easy."
Remus nodded. "What about some hot chips?" He offered with a smile.
"Okay," Harry agreed.
"I'll get them ready and then I'll come and get you, yeah?" Remus asked.
Harry bit his lip and nodded.
"I'll be back in a jif," Remus said. He pushed himself up to standing, gently kissed Harry's head, and quietly left the bedroom shutting the door around him.
"So?" Sirius asked, stopping his pacing.
"He's safe," Remus assured him.
Sirius let out a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness."
"He's just feeling pretty low right now. I'm going to get him some nice, hot chips from the kitchen and he's going to eat those. You and I have both had these moments and they're just awful. I just want to support him any way we can."
"Of course. Do you think he wants Padfoot at all?"
"I always think pets can be helpful to someone's mood," Remus said. "I don't know if Harry's feeling up to company, but I think he'd rather have Padfoot than either of us."
Sirius nodded. That made sense.
Remus quickly called a house elf and got some hot chips for Harry before going back into his room.
"Hey, love. I got everything set up for you. Ready?" Remus asked gently.
Harry shrugged, but still took Remus' outstretched hand and followed him to the kitchen.
Harry sat down at the table and slowly at the chips. While they were delicious, he just wasn't feeling very hungry. He ate most of his fries before pushing his plate away.
"Is that good, Moony Da? Can I please be done?" Harry asked, keeping his head down.
"Of course. You did wonderfully," Remus praised warmly, clearing the plate from the table.
Harry mumbled a thanks before wrapping a blanket around him and quietly walking back to his bedroom.
When Remus heard the door click shut, his smile fell off his face. He sat down in a kitchen chair and sighed, holding his head in his hands. Sirius went behind him and started to rub his shoulders.
"You're doing brilliantly," Sirius reminded him warmly. "You are doing everything you can and it is more than enough."
"I just want to take away his pain," Remus whispered, his voice strained.
"I know, I know," Sirius replied, squeezing harder.
"I know exactly how it feels and it's just awful. He's our boy. I don't want him to feel this way."
Sirius nodded.
"It's hard to see him like this knowing we can't do anything."
"I think you're doing a lot for him," Sirius said gently.
Remus stopped and took a breath. "I'm doing what I can, Siri," he admitted. "I just want to be able to do more. I want to make it better. I know I can't do that, but that darkness can be so thick and one can become so hopeless. It's so difficult to only do so much as a therapist, professor, and dad."
Sirius kissed Remus' head and wrapped his arms around Remus, hugging him from behind.
"You're doing so much. Harry is so lucky to have you, and he knows that."
"I love you," Remus said, kissing Sirius on the cheek.
Sirius smiled and released Remus and moved so he would be able to look at his face. "You need to take some time for yourself, Love. I don't want you to burn out. Take some time for yourself today. Take some time to reflect. If you want to, tomorrow, you can go to St. Mungos and ask some of your colleagues for some advice about a student. Get some new ideas and check in with them. It's about time you took a visit to see them anyway, yeah?"
Remus slowly nodded. "That's a good idea, Pads. Thank you," Remus said gratefully. "I have a few other students I wanted to talk to some people about, too. I've also heard they're developing some new mood potions for teens and older so I wanted to hear more about those."
"Go take a walk. Let Minnie know, she'll take care of you. I'll stay with Harry. Worry about yourself," Sirius said lovingly, cupping Remus' cheek.
Remus took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, I'll do that. Make sure Harry stays safe, yeah?"
"I promise," Sirius said, nodding.
Sirius and Remus kissed before going their separate ways.
Sirius went to Harry's room. He knocked on the door and waited for a response before going in and shutting the door softly behind him. He quietly popped into Padfoot and jumped onto Harry's bed and curled up next to him.
Harry seemed indecisive about whether he was going to pet Padfoot or ignore him, but after a nose nudge from Padfoot, Harry found himself petting the dog.
Harry didn't say anything but petted and cuddled the shaggy dog until he was once again able to fall asleep.
Remus went for a walk along the grounds to clear his head before heading to Minerva's office. He knocked on her door and heard her say, "Come in,"
Remus saw Minerva closing things up for the day.
"How can I help you?" Minerva asked before looking up from her task. "Remus? Is everything okay?"
Remus gave Minerva a weary smile. "I know we normally go to dinner around now, and I'm not sure if you have any plans, but I was wondering if we could have dinner together, the two of us?"
"Of course!" Minerva said. She hurried around to Remus' side. "Is everything alright?"
"I'm alright, Minerva Mum. I just want to talk some things out."
"Of course. I'll let Albus know we won't be there and I'll get the house elves to bring us up some dinner.
You can head to my quarters and get yourself settled, yes?"
"Sounds good, Mum. Thank you," Remus said gratefully.
Minerva kissed Remus on the cheek before bustling away and Remus went to her quarters.
Remus looked around in her quarters, despite being there countless times before.
He paused and smiled sadly at a picture Minerva had. He knew this picture quite well.
The Marauders had taken a picture with Minerva when they graduated from Hogwarts. They framed the picture and sent it to Minerva.
When James and Lily were killed, Minerva put the picture away, too angry and sad to look at it. Once it was revealed that Peter was the literal and figurative rat and Sirius and Remus were back in the castle, they edited the picture by cutting Peter out and putting the picture back on display.
Remus saw a picture of Minerva at his and Sirius' wedding as well as James and Lily's wedding. There also was a picture of Harry's baptism. There was a bit of a time jump in the pictures, but there were pictures of 5-year-old Harry with Minerva and a few more as he grew up. 11-year-old Harry in his Gryffindor robes was standing with a proud Minerva and Remus remembered how horrified Harry was at the picture and how overjoyed Minerva was.
Remus continued to look at pictures in Minera's house and a few trinkets she had before Minerva came into her quarters.
"I'm back, Love," Minerva said. "The elves will send up dinner in the next half an hour or so. They're just finishing some things up right now."
"That sounds lovely," Remus said softly.
"Come sit down and let me know what is bothering you," Minerva said.
"Nothing is seriously wrong, Minerva," Remus said.
"Well, I can clearly tell that you're struggling right now. What's going on?" Minerva asked softly.
Remus sighed. He fiddled a bit before grabbing a fidget off the bowl on Minerva's coffee table. He smile, knowing those have been there since Remus was a student.
"Harry's struggling," Remus said. "He is feeling pretty down today. We're supporting them and he's safe, but it can be so hard to see him like that. I talked to Sirius about it. He told me I should take some time for myself. We also talked about me possibly going to St. Mungo's tomorrow. In addition to Harry, I have a few students I wanted to discuss with some of my colleagues there."
"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea," Minerva said.
"Are you okay with that? I'll reschedule my patients, of course."
"Of course I am. I want whatever is best for you and Harry. You, Sirius, and Harry come before everyone, even the school," Minerva warmly reminded Remus.
Remus gave her a grateful smile and said, "Thank you, Mum. We love you, too."
"What are you hoping for from St. Mungo's?" Minerva asked.
"For all of the cases I am hoping for a fresh set of eyes. I'm hoping for Harry's case in particular I can hear about some new coping mechanisms or ways to best support him. However, not many people have been a therapist for someone who has similar trauma to Harry. Child abuse? Sure. Being hunted by the most evil wizard and having the weight of the wizarding world on one's shoulders? Not so much." Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair before going back to the fidget.
"I think you're doing a wonderful job. Even without his particular trauma, you know that depression doesn't go away overnight. As a therapist, you are there to support your patient, but there's nothing you can single-handedly do that cures it. It's the same with a physical disease. Healers and mediwitches and mediwzards can only do so much to help their patients. In the end, the patient's body has to respond to the treatment. Harry's mind is telling him vicious lies right now. You are doing what you can to support him and he is working hard to stay here and stay safe. You both are doing brilliantly. I know it's hard to see your loved one in so much pain."
Remus opened his mouth to protest, but Minerva continued. "I saw it with you. It was never easy to see you struggle. But we did it, together, and it was more than worth it. You are more than worth it. Harry is more than worth it."
"You're right," Remus agreed softly. He set the fidget down and held a pillow close to him. "Sometimes I just feel like there's more that I could be doing. I logically know that I'm doing what I can and when I think of something new I do it, I just want him safe. I want him happy. My poor Cub," Remus mused.
Minerva was quiet for a moment before she said, "I hate to say this, Remus, but I do have a feeling that it is going to become worse before it gets better."
Remus sighed. "I was hoping I was the only one who would feel that way. Sometimes I feel like all the progress we're making is for naught. I know that it isn't and he's learning good skills and strategies, but I so worry about him as the war becomes worse and worse. I can't lose him, Minerva! I can't! He's my son!"
Minerva moved over to the couch and wrapped her arms around Remus. "You won't. We are all here protecting him. You have him. Sirius has him. I have him. We won't let you lose him."
Remus didn't reply but appreciated Minerva's embrace. It was full of motherly love which Remus needed right now. Eventually, he pulled away.
"Thank you, Mum. I love being Harry's dad, professor, and therapist. I just want the best for him."
"I know you do," Minerva said, giving Remus a love touch (something she learned from the Marauders).
"Sirius is right. You do need to be focused on yourself. Let's talk about you for a while. Let's focus on you. I want to make sure that your cup is full up before you go trying to pour it again.
Minerva and Remus talked about Remus' own thoughts and checked in with his depression (to which Minerva pointed out that he needed to be taking better care of himself). They talked about his goals for the year and a few other students. They talked about some memories as well.
Despite Remus insisting that he already took a walk before heading to Minerva's quarters, they took another one on the grounds.
Minerva knew that Remus knew about the benefits of the outdoors on mental health, but she was going to force him to go outside and walk again anyway.
At one point, Minerva switched into her animagus form and hopped on Remus' shoulder for a ride until they were once again nearing the castle.
Minerva walked Remus back to the Marauder Quarters and when they entered, Sirius heard them in Harry's room. He popped into Sirius and said, "I'll be right back, okay Puppy?"
Harry mumbled an answer, not caring about anything.
Sirius quietly slipped out of Harry's room. He shut the door and put up a silencing charm before going to embrace Remus in a hug, and then Minerva.
"How're you feeling, Love?" Sirius asked Remus.
"I do feel better after talking to Minerva," Remus admitted. "We went on a walk and had dinner together."
"Lovely, thank you, Minerva Mum," Sirius said.
"It's my pleasure. I expect you in my quarters soon, Mr. Black."
"You can count on it, Minnie," Sirius said, smiling.
"Now, about Mr. Lupin," Minerva said, redirecting her attention.
"Me? What did I do?" Remus asked.
Minerva turned back to Sirius. "Remus needs to take care of himself. He's going to go to St. Mungo's tomorrow and check in with me tomorrow or Wednesday. He has a lot going on and I want to make sure he's not trying to pour from an empty cup."
"I'll make sure he takes care of himself, Minnie," Sirius said, giving his husband a warning glare. "Should he up his potion right now?"
Minerva sighed. "Poppy would know more about that. I don't think he has to up it right now, but I would keep a close eye on him."
"I'm good, Mum, really," Remus tried to convince Minerva. "I am struggling a bit, yes, but I am not in any danger of hurting myself or doing anything reckless."
"And that's good," Minerva said softly, taking Remus' hands into her own. "But let's not get to that point either, shall we?"
Remus nodded.
"Take a dreamless sleep tonight. You need to get some rest," Minerva said sternly.
"But Harry-" Remus tried to protest.
"Will be perfectly content with Sirius. Who, I believe, can still wake you up if there's an emergency."
"I've got him, Rem. You have a big day tomorrow. I know you're doing better now, but let's recharge a bit more, yeah? Who knows what tomorrow may bring?" Sirius said softly, placing a soothing hand on Remus' back.
Remus took a few deep breaths. "You're right. I am doing better and a good night's sleep will do me well. I'll drink some water, read a bit, and take the potion."
"Good," Minerva said with an approving smile. "I am only a floo or Patronus away. I love you all. Remember that, okay?"
"We will," Sirius said, kissing Minerva's cheek.
"Thank you for everything, Mum," Remus said, giving her another hug and kissing the top of her head. "I love you."
"And I love you. Have a good day tomorrow," Minerva said before leaving their quarters.
Sirius and Remus talked on the couch for a while before Remus drank some water, read a book, got ready for bed, and took a dreamless sleep.
Sirius did the same and kissed Remus goodnight. He snuggled with Remus until he fell asleep and then he went back to Harry's room.
"Puppy, are you still awake?" Sirius asked quietly when he came in.
"Yeah," Harry whispered back, not moving since Sirius was last with him.
"Why don't you get some sleep, Love?" Sirius asked, sitting on the side of Harry's bed.
"I'd love to, but I don't know if I can. I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow," Harry admitted.
"Me too. And if you don't, that's okay. We are all here for you no matter how you feel. We love you," Sirius assured him.
"Thanks, Dadfoot," Harry said.
"I'm going to stay with you tonight. Is there anything you need before we get you ready? More dinner? Some water?"
Harry shook his head.
Sirius studied Harry again. "Harry, when was the last time you took a dreamless sleep?"
Harry shrugged. "Not lately. It's been over two weeks."
"Why don't we give you one tonight, yeah? It will help you sleep."
"Okay," Harry agreed. He would do anything for this feeling to go away.
Sirius came back with another vial of dreamless sleep. "Take it all. Atta boy," Sirius praised before he took the vial back.
"I'm going to put this back and then we're going to get you ready for bed," Sirius told Harry.
"It seems too hard," Harry whispered. "I dunno, Dadfoot."
Sirius nodded. He set down the vial on Harry's desk and went to his bed. "I know. I know. What seems too hard right now?"
"Moving. Brushing my teeth. Changing my clothes. Please, Dadfoot. I can't do it," Harry said, tears in his eyes.
"I've got you, I've got you," Sirius assured Harry, stroking his head. "How about this? Go to the bathroom and use the loo and wipe your face with a washcloth. We will do spells for your teeth and pajamas. How does that sound?"
"Hard, but I'll do it," Harry said. He had to admit that he had to use the loo.
"Alright. You want to do it now We can walk together?"
Harry nodded. Sirius helped him out of bed and they walked out into the hallway. Sirius walked Harry to the bathroom before putting away the vial. Sirius made Harry's bed and then waited patiently by the loo until Harry was done. They then walked back to Harry's bedroom. Harry let out a small smile when he saw that Sirius had made his bed.
"Thanks, Dadfoot," Harry said.
"Anything for you, Love," Sirius said warmly. He helped Harry into his bed and tucked him in. He kissed his head and mumbled a few loving words before popping into Padfoot and curling up next to Harry.
No matter how dark it may seem, there's always a spark. Find your spark and hold on tight.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
(If you would like a particular country listed, feel free to comment or dm me)