Author's Note: TW: references to self harm, panic attack, references to suicidal thoughts

Hi loves! Thanks so much for all of the kind words and messages I received. I truly can't thank you enough for your care and understanding. Please know that you are so loved.

Previous Chapter Summary: Sirius and Remus go for a walk once they arrive at rehab house as Remus sets everything up. Remus and Sirius help Harry heal with help from some medications and Dorcas.

Chapter Summary: Harry returns to Hogwarts and his classes. He sees Dumbledore again. Harry and Remus have several therapy sessions.

Harry spent another three days at rehab house before they returned to Hogwarts on a Sunday morning. They spent the day taking it easy in the Marauder Quarters before Remus and Sirius sat Harry down to discuss the upcoming week.

"Harry, we are so proud of the progress you've made," Remus began.

"You've come leaps and bounds from where you were that night and we are so proud of you," Sirius added.

It's true; Harry had shown so much growth in his mental health and was doing so much better than before.

"We want to chat with you about the upcoming week," Remus introduced gently.

Harry nodded and grabbed a pillow to hug. He was expecting this but was still nervous.

"You'll be staying here for a couple of weeks while the potion works its way into your system. Depending on how you're doing we'll allow some Saturday nights in the dorms until you're ready to go back."

Harry nodded, expecting this as well. He didn't want to argue, either. He'd been through so much and Remus and Sirius were the only ones who knew about it. It made him want to be around them more.

"We're also going to have therapy three times next week and twice the week after. Don't worry, I'll schedule it all out," Remus assured his son.

Harry nodded again.

"You're going to have to take the potion each morning. Do you want it at the Great Hall or to take it here?" Remus asked.

"I'd rather take it here right now if that's okay?" Harry said.

"Of course. You can take it here after you wake up. We'll revisit when you'll take it when you move out."

Harry nodded, on board with that solution.

"And Harry, if you want to talk, at any time, please come and get one of us. Nothing in this world means as much to us as you. We will drop everything and not care. Grandma Min would be happy to take our class if needed and would be happy to excuse them as well."

"So would Albus after his fuck up," Sirius murmured.

Harry's face darkened.

"Sirius," Remus hissed, before going over to Harry and rubbing his back. "We don't expect you to go near Albus right now, Cub, not even for any classes that might include him. We will be checking with him to make sure you don't have to have close contact with him."

Harry nodded wordlessly.

"Do you want to talk more about that or revisit it later?" Remus asked gently.

"Later," Harry said between gritted teeth.

"We can do that. We'll keep going, just take a deep breath for us," Remus coached.

Harry did as Remus requested and noticed that his shoulders were tight and clenched and so were his fists. He released them with the breath and Remus gave him a proud smile.

"Nice job. Now, we told everyone there was a family emergency and didn't say anything else. We told everyone that all three of us were okay, we just had to leave. It's up to you to share whatever you feel comfortable with."

"I don't want to share anything," Harry said quietly.

Sirius and Remus nodded. "That's okay, we expected that. All you have to say is that you had a family emergency. You can make up a story or stick to that. Dadfoot and I aren't going to elaborate any more than that unless you want us to."

"Only Grandma Min knows, right? And Dumbledore?"

"That's correct. Every other professor was told there was a family emergency," Remus confirmed.

Harry nodded, thinking. "I think I'll just stick to that. I'll tell my friends I don't want to talk about it and hopefully, they won't push it. I-I'm not ready to talk about it."

"That's okay, that's okay," Remus assured Harry, going to rub his back.

"We had a pretty intense week together. A lot happened and it's okay to not want to share it. You're doing great and we are so proud of you," Remus said with a warm smile.

Harry tried to return the smile, but he was nervous about the whole thing.

"What else?" Harry asked, wanting to prepare himself.

"Most of the rules are what we had when we first found out or are already doing. Check in with us, pick up and drop off your potion materials, and as we said, please get us if you need anything."

Harry nodded.

"What questions do you have?" Sirius asked.

Harry shook his head. "I think I'm good. I just want to take some time for myself. Is that okay?"

"Certainly. Dadfoot and I are here for anything you need," Remus said.

Harry nodded and gave his parents a hug before retreating to his room.

"Remus, is he okay?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded. "I think so. He just has to process it. A lot is going on inside his head right now. He needs time."

Sirius nodded, he hoped his pup would reach out if he needed anything. He hoped everything would go well.

The next day, Harry woke up, took his potion, and bravely went into the Great Hall for Breakfast.

He luckily got there before most of them, but Hermione was already there, of course.

"Harry! Oh! It's so good to see you! Where were you? Are you alright?" Hermioen asked, checking Harry over.

"I'm fine, Hermione," Harry said, very aware of the word he was using as he reassured his friend. "I had a family emergency is all."

"A family emergency? But-" Hermione began.
"Hermione, it was a family emergency," Harry said pointedly.

"Oh," Hermione said, understanding. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. It's nothing against you or anyone, I just don't want to talk about it."

"That's fine. We can just eat and- oh! I can tell you all about what happened in our classes while you were gone."

Harry smiled. Leave it to Hermione to fill him in about classes.

Harry half-listened to his friend before eventually muttering an excuse to sneak out to leave before more people came.

Harry got away and out the door, but Draco spotted him. Harry tried to scurry away, but Draco quickly cornered him.
"Harry! Where have you been?" Draco asked. "Everyone said you had a family emergency. Even McGonagall seemed worried!"

"Draco, I'm not going to get into it right now. Not here and not now."

"Then when?" Draco asked.

Harry felt a tad annoyed. "I'm not sure. Listen, I'm here now okay? I don't want to talk about it."

Draco understood now. He took a step back. "I get it. I won't push anymore. I'm sorry."

Harry let out a breath. "Thank you."

"Let me ask one question." Draco requested.

Harry gave a hesitant nod.

"Is it safe to say I should keep a close eye on you right now?"
Harry nodded.

"Got it. Nothing else needed."

"Thank you," Harry said again, relieved.

"You want to head to defense? We can get there before anyone else does and I'll make sure no one asks any questions," Draco said.

"Sounds good," Harry said, smiling.

Draco did just that. He didn't allow anyone to ask any questions. Ron got one in, but Harry quickly told him he'd talk to him later and some whispers from Hermione and a glare that could kill from Draco quieted the youngest Weasley boy.

Marlene, bless her soul, didn't make a big deal out of Harry being back She lectured for most of the time, which was unlike her, but she wanted to make sure Harry had an easy day back where he could keep his head down, like he wanted.

Alchemy worried Harry, but he was reassured that Albus wouldn't be there that week, so Harry felt relieved. While he couldn't avoid him forever, he would take what he could get.

Harry was exhausted after Alchemy and was thankful he didn't have a therapy session. He went straight to his room in the Marauder Quarters to nap and woke up just as Sirius and Remus were getting ready to leave for dinner.

"Hey, Puppy. We were going to let you sleep. How was your nap?"

"Needed," Harry said as he rubbed his eyes. "Are you heading to dinner?"

"Yes, we are. We'll wait for you if you want."

"No, you guys go ahead. I'll change and head down," Harry said.

"Okay, Pup. See you there," Sirius said as he kissed Harry's head. Remus did the same and they left and Harry let out a sigh of relief. As much as he loved his parents, he was thankful to have time alone again.

Harry changed out of the comfortable clothing he slept in, and back into appropriate clothes for dinner before heading to the Great Hall and joining his friends.

"Harry! You made it!" Ron said happily, clapping Harry on the back.

"Yeah," Harry said with a smile. "I fell asleep."

"I slept too!" Ron said.

"You always sleep," Ginny shot from across the table.

Ron shot her a dirty look and Harry and Hermione chuckled at the sibling banter. They chatted for a few more minutes before there was a voice getting their attention.

Harry immediately paled and saw Dumbledore talking.

"I hope you all had a restful weekend and a productive Monday. A reminder that-"

Harry didn't hear the rest of what Dumbledore said. He heard buzzing and eventually, people started to eat, but all Harry had were flashbacks to Halloween.

"Harry? Harry, you good?" Hermione asked after a minute, carefully watching her friend.

"I gotta go," Harry mumbled before stumbling out of the Great Hall.

Meanwhile, up at the Head Table, Remus and Sirius immediately put their eyes on Harry when Dumbledore started speaking. They half heard Minerva giving Albus a talking to when he was done talking, and they overheard some colorful words in Gaelic, but they were too busy watching Harry, to take part in chewing Albus out.

Neither were surprised when they saw Harry haphazardly leave the Great Hall.

"I've got him," Remus said, standing up.

"You sure? You've had a long day," Sirius said.

"I'm sure. I need to check on him and make sure he's okay. We'll see you back in the Quarters. Tell the Gryffindor kids that Harry's alright," Remus said before leaving the Great Hall.

Harry, after leaving the Great Hall, went outside in a courtyard. He dry heaved before leaning against a pillar and sitting down as he tugged at his hair and tried to gulp the cold air.

"Hey, you're safe. You're safe," A voice came from the side.

Harry didn't have to look to know it was Remus.

Remus sat down next to Harry. He gently removed Harry's hands from his hair and wrapped himself around Harry. "I've got you. You're safe."

Harry started to slow his breathing down and leaned into the warmth of Remus' body.

"I don't know why that affected me. Sorry," Harry said once he caught his breath enough.

"You have no reason to apologize. He shouldn't have done that and Minerva is probably still giving him a stern, Professor McGonagall lecture."

Harry chuckled weakly before shivering and leaned further into Remus.

"It's cold out here, isn't it?" Remus commented.

"Yeah, I guess it is. I just wanted air. I thought I was going to throw up."

"Did you?" Remus asked.

"Nah, just heaved. But I didn't care that it was cold. I wanted out."

"I understand. Do you want to stay here or go inside?"

"Inside, but, uh, I don't want to go back in there," Harry requested.

"Of course not. Let's head to the Marauder Quarters."

Harry nodded. Remus helped him up and Harry silently followed his dad out of the courtyard and to their quarters.

Remus sat Harry down on the couch and transfigured his clothing into something more comfortable, before wrapping him in a blanket.

"Better?" Remus asked.

"Yes, thank you," Harry said, feeling safer than before.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Remus asked softly.

"All I could think about was Halloween. He's the headmaster. I can't just get triggered by him all the time. I've got to figure something out," Harry sighed. He went to pull at his hair and yanked at it once before realizing what he was doing. He groaned and pulled at his hand before pulling at the blanket.

Remus grabbed a fidget off the table and placed it in Harry's hand, who gratefully used it.

"You're right, he is the headmaster. I also think you're being hard on yourself. It's the first day back. You are doing wonderfully. You aren't alone, we're going to figure it out together."

"I'm just so mad at him. I am so angry and hurt and frustrated and ugh!" Harry cried.

Remus nodded sympathetically. He had a few choice words for the old wizard as well.

"How am I supposed to deal with it?" Harry asked.

"Well, we talk about it. You're already doing it."

"But how can I be in his presence without bolting? Or having a panic attack?"

"It's going to take time," Remus tried to soothe.

"I don't have time! I don't!" Harry said angrily.

"Hey, hey, let's take a breath," Remus said, rubbing Harry's back. "We have time. If you want to work on some strategies in the meantime, we can do that. We can talk about it. I promise you that it will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it right now."

"All I could think about was Halloween and what happened. The second half of the prophecy is still disgusting to me. It's what my parents were killed for. It's what I have to do. Dumbledore is a reminder of that right now."

There was a lot to unpack there.

Remus took a deep breath. "I hear you. That's all hard. I wish I could say something to make it all go away, but I can't. I am here to listen and to give you strategies and help you cope," Remus said, trying to think of how to address Harry's concerns. He was just reminded of why his dear friends were murdered and he felt a rock in his stomach.

"Truthfully, Harry, I am also distraught at knowing your parents were killed because of it. That's a hard truth to stomach and I'm having a hard time finding the right words."
Remus knew that sometimes, especially when he is struggling, being honest about it is the best solution, even in this situation.

"You're brilliant, Moony Da, really. I don't expect you to fix it. I'm just venting."

"I'm here to listen. You let me know when you want me to talk or if you want any coping strategies. We can also save those for tomorrow's therapy session if you just want to rant today."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," Harry said, before continuing about feeling angry and sad and all of his feelings about what happened on Halloween and what happened at dinner. He didn't hold back and only paused for a moment when Sirius returned (who popped into Padfoot and joined the two on the couch).

After another twenty minutes, Harry finally stopped talking, beyond exhausted.

"Do you feel better?" Remus asked, looking at Harry lovingly.

"Yeah," Harry admitted. "Just tired."

"Let's get some soup in you and get you to bed. I think it'll do you well," Remus said.

Sirius popped into himself and went to the kitchen to get dinner ready for both Harry and Remus.

Remus and Harry both ate the squash soup with a baguette before Sirius and Remus practically had to carry their exhausted son to bed.

As not-great as the evening was, Remus knew that Harry was doing better. He saw it in his recovery from the panic attack and saw it in his mood and disposition.

Harry was getting better and Remus would smile about that all day long.

The next day, Remus and Sirius woke Harry up around 10 so that he had time to prepare for his 1:00 potions class.

Harry wasn't too worried since he had the book of the Half-Blood Prince, but his parents didn't know that and he didn't need them to know.

Before potions, however, Harry had a therapy session. He made his way to Remus' office.

"Professor Lupin?" Harry asked, poking his head in.

"Come on in, Cub," Remus smiled, standing up from his desk.

"Hi Moony Da," Harry said after he shut the door.

"How are you doing? Did you sleep well?"

"I did, yeah."

"I'm glad to hear that," Remus said as he made a note in his journal. "Do you have anything you want to make sure we talk about besides Dumbledore?"
Harry shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Alright. Well, how are you feeling about last night right now?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm not as fired up about it, but I still want to figure out how I can be around Dumbledore without having such a strong reaction."

"I think that is a great goal. I also want to remind you that it is going to take time. Healing is a process and it certainly isn't linear."

Harry sighed. "I hate when you're bloody right. I just want things to be easy."

Remus chuckled. "I understand that."

It was quiet for a beat before Harry said, "So with Dumbledore, I'm not sure what to do. He just makes me so angry right now."

Remus nodded. "Before you had your panic attack, was anger your primary emotion?"

Harry shrugged but thought about the question. "I think so. Anger and… I'm not sure. Maybe hopelessness thinking about the whole thing with Voldemort? But mostly anger, yeah."

"Have you tried any breathing exercises?" Remus asked.

"I didn't try anything yesterday."

"That's okay, they're hard to remember when we're in the moment. The breathing exercises can help us stay grounded until we're able to sort through our emotions enough to stay present without them, or, if needed, get to a safe spot or safe person.

"Can we go over them again? I kind of forgot some of them."

"Of course," Remus said with a smile.

Remus and Harry reviewed the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 breathing exercises as well as five-finger breathing and square breathing.

"Do you think that will help at all?"

"I think so. I'll try at dinner tonight," Harry said.

"Good plan."

Remus and Harry talked more about Dumbledore and Harry's anger about the whole situation before Harry left and headed to potions (Remus had his supplies with him).

Harry made a practically perfect wound-cleaning potion which highly impressed Slughorn and further confused Hermione, Ron, and even Draco, before Harry hurried away to the Marauder Quarters for a nap before dinner. He knew he had what seemed like a monumental task in front of him.

Sirius and Remus walked Harry to dinner that night and talked to them as they slowly walked to the Great Hall.

"We're here for anything you need," Sirius reminded Harry.
"I know."

"Practice your breathing and know that it's okay if you need to get away. We'll keep an eye on you. Please get us if you want or need anything."

"I will," Harry said. He appreciated his parents looking out for him, but he was also a bit annoyed with them for being such overprotective parents (but deep down, he understood).

They separated when they got to the Great Hall and Harry joined his friends at the Gryffindor Table, ignoring Dumbledore the best he could.

"Harry, you made a really good potion today in class," Hermione said.

"Thanks," Harry replied.

"How did you get so good? You were never awful, but you are getting all Os on your potions, even after being gone for a week."

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but Dumbledore stood up and started to speak.

Harry was dreading this but had to admit that the timing was appreciated.

Harry didn't bother to look at Dumbledore as he spoke. He felt his heartbeat quicken and his palms become sweaty as Dumbledore's voice made its way to his ears. Harry pulled out his hand and used his other pointer finger to go up and down each finger, breathing slowly in sync with his finger.

"Harry? Harry?" Hermione whispered, worried about her friend.
"Leave him be," Neville whispered, leaning over to look at the witch. "Just give him some time."

Hermione didn't love that but respected what Neville was saying, hearing the urgency in his voice.

Harry eventually felt his breathing slow down and then he turned back to his friends.

"Harry, are you alright?" Hermione asked.

"I'm fine," Harry replied, wanting the attention off of him.

Neville noticed that Harry used 'fine', but didn't say anything about it.

Harry stayed quiet and didn't want to say anything else. He had a quiet dinner before practically running up to the Marauder Quarters.

Harry beat Sirius and Remus there and basically collapsed on the floor in front of the couch.

Harry had dissociated from reality and wasn't sure how much time had passed, but within a couple of minutes, Sirius and Remus burst through the door.

Remus immediately got behind Harry and Sirius popped into Padfoot, working on calming him down.

Luckily, Harry was able to come back to the present quickly.

"Moony Da? Dadfoot?" Harry mumbled, blinking.

"We're here for you, Harry. Take some deep breaths."

Harry did as he was asked and wiggled his fingers and his toes.

"How're you feeling?" Remus asked after another minute.

"Better. I didn't run too fast out of there, did I?" Harry asked.

"No, Harry. You looked perfectly normal," Sirius said, popping back into himself.

"But you didn't need to be. You could've left, remember?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, but I wanted to push through it."

"Pushing yourself is one thing but having a small panic attack when you get home because of it is another," Remus pointed out.

Harry hung his head. "I just don't want it to bother me."

"I told you that things take time. I saw you practice your breathing when Dumbledore started talking. You're already doing so, so well," Remus said.

Harry shrugged. "I guess. I just want it gone."

Remus gave Harry a tight hug. "I know, Love. I know."

Remus knew that he could tell Harry over and over again that it takes time and that he's already made incredible progress and he's doing so well, but he also knew that Harry didn't want to hear that right now. What he wanted was love, validation, and acceptance.

Remus listened to Harry with Sirius for another half an hour before Harry yawned.

"Tired, Pup?" Sirius asked.

Harry nodded. "Yeah."

"Why don't you go to bed early?" Remus asked.

Harry shrugged. "But I should stay up longer."

"Who says that?" Remus asked.

Harry opened his mouth to reply but then shrugged and shut his mouth.

"My point stands. Go to bed, Harry," Remus encouraged.

Harry racked his brain for an excuse or a reason to stay awake, but couldn't think of anything. He truly was tired.

"I guess you're right," Harry admitted before standing up.

"Come on, Puppy. I'll tuck you in," Sirius said lovingly as he helped Harry stand up.

Harry was too tired to argue about the nickname. He took the outstretched hand and went to his bedroom. Sirius tucked Harry in and he and Remus both said goodnight to Harry before leaving him to sleep.

Harry did end up sleeping through the night and to the next morning as his body desperately needed the rest.

Sirius and Remus were thankful Harry didn't have any nightmares and rested his poor boy deserved it and needed it after what happened with Dumbledore.

Sometimes a little bit of rest is what is needed. Take time to rest and recharge. Your body will thank you.

Later that week Harry had a therapy session with Remus. He was being a bit evasive with his answers and was squirming more than usual.

"What's up, Harry? What's on your mind?" Remus asked knowingly.

"So this has been on my mind ever since I started taking the potion and feeling better," Harry began.

Remus nodded and crossed his legs, listening.

"It's weird being alive."

Remus nodded, urging Harry to continue.

"I wanted to die that night. I would've died that night if it weren't for you. I-I didn't expect to make it this far. People live their life like it's another day but it's a day I wasn't expecting to be here for. It's weird."

Remus nodded, fully understanding. "I have felt the same way before when I was younger. It was a long time ago and a story for another day, but I have had the same feeling. It is quite an odd feeling and sensation; I agree."

"I don't have a lot of words to describe it, so I am glad you understand. But it's weird. Each day it's so, so weird."

"The key is to continue to live each day. Love others, love yourself, and live. It's a constant battle. The feeling will eventually subside, but in the meantime, enjoy life. You deserve it."

"Thanks for everything, Moony Da. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Thanks for fighting to be here, Harry. I am so proud of you."

Harry smiled. It was certainly odd being alive, but he was doing his best and that was enough for Remus so it was enough for him.

Keep fighting, you're doing great.

Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
16. Puzzles (jigsaw, Sudoku)
17. Have something spicy or sour (like the redhot candy, or warheads)

Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652 OR 116 123
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Mexico: 5255102550
Romania: 0800 801 200