Author's Note: Hi friends, you are so incredibly loved.

Previous Chapter Summary: Harry wants to talk to Dumbledore about Horcruxes. Harry faces Dumbledore for the first time since finding out about the prophecy. Harry receives some help from some ghosts. There's a diadem.

Chapter Summary: Harry wants to find the diadem and decides to go out for an adventure.

Harry spent the next few days doing all the research he could about the Diadem and the Room of Requirement. He was beyond anxious to go and find the Horcrux, and that was evident in all his preparation.

Harry spent a night a few days later in the dorms, but he was unable to go to sleep. He was practically bouncing in his bed and Ron could tell.

"Harry, what are you so excited 'bout?" Ron asked. "You're keeping me awake."

"Sorry," Harry muttered before rolling over.

"You're good, mate. I just wanted to know what was keeping you awake."

Harry suddenly got an idea.

"Ron, y'know what we haven't done in a while?"

"What?" Asked Ron.

"Go on an adventure."

"I"m in," Ron said, leaping out of bed. "Hermione's still up studying, I'm sure, so all three of us can go."

Harry grinned. Just like old times.

So, that's how the Golden Trio found themselves under the invisibility cloak sneaking around the corridors after curfew.

"What is it we're looking for, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"It's something related to Voldemort. A horcrux."

"A Horcrux?!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Shhh!" Ron and Harry hissed.

"Why are we searching for a Horcrux?" Hermione whispered.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you when we get there."

They continued to walk the corridor, occasionally holding their breath when they thought they heard someone coming.

Harry finally got them to the room of requirement.

"Okay, for this part, I have to walk it alone. You two stay here," Harry whispered.

Harry walked right out of the invisibility cloak and walked once in front of the Room of Requirement. He turned to walk in front of it a second time and walked right into a chest.

"Oof." Harry said, stumbling back.

"Oof is right," a voice replied dryly.

Harry looked up and saw Remus standing there, holding the map.

"Moony Da! No! It isn't what it looks like!" Harry stumbled.

"It looks like you're trying to hunt the Horcrux," Remus said with a raised eyebrow.

"No- er- uh-" Harry stammered, trying to think of an excuse. "We were exploring!"

"You're a worse liar than your father, Harry."

Remus turned to face Ron and Hermione now. "Go back to your dorm. Detention for the both of you for being out past curfew. I am taking Harry with me."

"Moony Da! No!" Harry whined.

"Harry James, i wouldn't argue with me right now," Remus said sternly.

Ron and Hermione gave a small, sad wave before walking away.

"Follow me," Remus ordered.

Harry knew that tone and felt his head go down in shame.

This wouldn't be good.

Harry followed Remus back to the Marauder Quarters where the lights were on and Sirius was awake and pacing in front of the couch.

"Harry James you better have not been doing what we think you were doing," Sirius said as soon as they came in.

"You don't get it! YOU DON'T GET IT!" Harry yelled, shaking.

"Go to the boxing room. We'll go down when we calm ourselves. We are very disappointed, Harry," Remus said.

"You haven't even- UGH!" Harry shouted as he stomped to go to the boxing room.

"I can't believe him, Sirius," Remus said. "I found him under the invisibility cloak in front of the Room of Requirement. I am so disappointed and angry."

"What was he thinking! We talked about this!" Sirius joined in.

While Remus and Sirius were talking to each other, Harry was absolutely obliaterating the boxing room. He was kicking, punching and yelling and did everything he could do to destory the room. It took him a good ten minutes to remember he had his wand. Then he actually did destory the room. Cutting curses were thrown around the room and so were burning spells. Anything Harry could think of that would destroy the room, he did.

A few of the cutting curses made their way from the wall onto Harry's arm, but Harry didn't care.

He was angry.

He wasn't listened to.

He was done.

After about half an hour, Remus and Sirius were calmed down, but they were realizing that Harry wasn't.

"I thought it would wear him out," Sirius commented as he finished his chamomile tea.

"Maybe he's pulling a Lily," Remus commented.

They looked at each other for a split second before running down the stairs.

'Pulling a Lily', as it's so affectionately named, is when one only gets more angry and more worked up the longer they spend alone. Lily would do that when she was younger, especially if she didn't feel listened to.

Remus and Sirius rushed down to the boxing room and found the room obliterated.

Harry was yelling and still casting spells with one hand and holding a bloody arm close to him.

Remus and Sirius ran to Harry. Sirius took the wand out fo Harry's hand and Remus wrapped himself around Harry.

"Deep breaths, Harry. I've got you. You're safe."

"Get off of me!" Harry yelled, throwing his elbows back into Remus.

"Not until you take some deep breaths."

Harry refused.

Sirius popped into Padfoot and worked on trying to calm Harry down.

It became obvious after 10 minutes that they needed extra help, so Sirius popped back into himself and grabbed a calming draught. He helped pour it down the throat of Harry while Remus kept him still.

Sirius popped into Padfoot once more and Harry slowly began to calm down.

"We gave you a calming draught, Harry," Remus explained, "because your body was unsafe toward yourself and others. We needed help to calm you down."

Harry understood. He knew that Remus and Sirius would never give him anything without his consent unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Let's take some deep breaths together and we'll talk in a few minutes, yeah?" Remus said calmly.

Harry did as requested and took deep breaths.

Eventually, Remus released him and Harry looked around the room. "Sorry," he muttered.

"We're sorry, too. Clearly, this situation wasn't handled correctly by any of us. However, I want to dress your arm before we talk about that. Can we go upstairs to clean it up?"

Harry nodded and followed Remus to the bathroom where he cleaned up Harry's fresh cuts and bandaged them.

"Harry, no matter how angry you or Dadfoot or myself are, we are always here for you. We would always rather have you talk to us than hurt yourself."

"It didn't feel like it," Harry admitted.

"I'm sorry it didn't. We were angry, yes, but we always, always are willing to help you," Remus said as he finished bandaging Harry's arm. "There. Why don't we go talk in the sitting room?"

While it was phrased as a question, Harry knew it was more of a command.

Harry nodded and followed Remus to the couch and sat down next to him.

"Why don't you tell your story? We're here to listen," Remus said, giving Harry a pillow to hold.

"Well, I was getting antsy in my bed. I couldn't sleep and Ron knew something was up. I asked if he wanted to go on an adventure." Harry paused. "Yeah, I guess I was trying to look for the Horcrux, but I wasn't going to destroy it, I swear! It's just that it's been days and I keep being told to hold tight, but my fate rests in this. I don't want to keep holding tight! We didn't even get to make it into the Room of Requirement when you caught us, Moony Da. And then neither of you would even listen to my story. I was so mad. You weren't even bothering to listen to me! I forgot I had my wand for the first ten minutes, and then I did and well, y'know what happened next."

"When did you hurt yourself?" Remus asked.

"I'm not sure. Somewhere in the middle of throwing the cutting curse around the room. I wasn't thinking."

"You're not in trouble for hurting yourself, Harry. I'm sorry we made you feel isolated. We needed to calm down, too, but clearly you needed us to listen to you first. I'm sorry," Remus said.

"'S okay," Harry shrugged. "It wouldn't have happened if I wasn't out in the first place. I am sorry about that. I wasn't trying to destroy it!"

"We hear you, Harry. We didn't want you going looking for it, either because we know how dangerous they are," Remus said.

"I know they're dangerous! I've already destroyed one! The diary, remember?" Harry exclaimed.

Sirius nodded. "You have. We didn't know it was a Horcrux at that time and from what I understand about the situation, you had a different experience with it since Tom put his memory in the diary. You were dealing with memory Tom as opposed to horrific images being shown to you."

"It doesn't matter to me! I've been around Horcruxes before and I wanted to find the other one. It's not like I thought I'd actually find it."

"What if you did?" Sirius asked.

"Then I'd stop and get you two. I know that we agreed that I wouldn't destroy it alone."

"Or go searching for it," Sirius pointed out.

"Ugh! I know! But those things felt different to me. Why can't you understand?!"

Remus spoke now. "We hear that they felt different to you, Harry, and we're glad you wouldn't have destroyed it on your own. We may be overprotective parents, but we didn't want you hunting it on your own, either. We care so much about you and didn't want you facing that task on your own."

"I get it, I just don't agree with it," Harry replied bluntly.

"And that's okay. You don't have to agree with it. We can have conversations like we are now about it. What angered us, was you disobeying what we agreed on. We were angry because we were scared for you. We also don't know what other items would've been in the Room of Requirement. Would it be a dangerous room? We don't know that."

"I never thought about that," Harry admitted quietly.

"That's why you have us. To help you think through tough situations. We're not trying to make your life miserable, Harry. We want to protect you and want the best for you."

"I get it. I am sorry I disappointed you. What's my punishment?" Harry asked resignedly.

"Well, you're not going to be in the dorms for a while, and you're going to have detention for being out past curfew," Sirius said.

Harry held back a groan.

"I think your real punishment is having to regain our trust back. We trusted that you wouldn't go searching for it, Harry. We're disappointed and our trust is broken."

Harry felt like someone hit him in the stomach with a beaters bat. He felt hot tears prickle in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away and said, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

"We forgive you, Cub. C'mere," Remus said, opening up his arms.

Harry got up and willingly went into Remus' arms. He hugged Remus tight, then Sirius. "I wasn't trying to break your trust. That wasn't the point!"

"We know, Har," Sirius said softly. "We just need some time to build it back up again."

Harry felt like a kicked puppy.

"Harry, do you remember having this conversation when you were around nine and snuck out with the twins after curfew?"

Harry nodded.

"Do you remember what we said about trust and love?"

"You said that you will always love me, no matter what. Even when the trust is broken, you love me."

Harry would never forget those words after his adventure that day.

"That's right. Nothing you can do will ever change the amount of love we have for you. We love you so much, Harry."

"I love you, too," Harry said, going to hug Remus again.

"I know I'm in trouble and everything," Harry said after pulling away and looking down at the ground, "but can someone stay with me tonight? Please? I just dont' want to do anything else I'll regret."

"Of course, Harry. That's a brave thing to ask and a great way to start rebuilding our trust," Remus said.

"I'll sleep with you as Padfoot," Sirius offered. "I would love to do that."

Harry nodded and gave a hug in gratitude.

"C'mon, Puppy," Sirius said, "let's get you ready for bed."

Harry had to stay with Remus and Sirius and was doing everything he could to rebuild their trust. About a week later during a weekend brunch, Harry brought up the Horcrux topic again.

"Moony Da? Dadfoot? There's something I want to ask you about."

"Yes?" Remus asked.

"I know I'm still earning your trust back and everything, but I really want to go hunting for the Horcrux. Can we please go looking for it? Please?" Harry begged.

"When were you thinking?" Remus asked.

"Today?!" Harry asked hopefully.

Sirius scoffed and Remus said, "We need more warning than that, Harry. How about we check in in a week and see how you're doing then.

Harry rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. "Are you even going to let me?"

Remus was patient with Harry's attitude. "Yes, Harry. Give it a week and we will see where we're at. I'll do your psych evaluation on Thursday, okay?"

Harry nodded, resigned to whatever they wanted. "I don't have any other choice."

It was quiet for a beat before Harry said, "I'm going to my room now," and stomped away.

Remus sighed and Sirius looked at his husband. "Do we say anything?"

Remus shook his head. "It's a normal teenage attitude. Let's give him this one. He has to live with us right now, after all."
Sirius let out a breath. "Fair enough. Since Harry is pouting, do you want to go for a walk?"

Remus smiled. "I'd love to."

Harry was nervous for his Thursday psych evaluation. He didn't know what Remus would ask and if he'd be allowed to hunt and destroy the Horcrux.

Harry was not-so-patiently waiting in the waiting area when Remus opened the door and smiled. "Harry?"

Harry got up and walked into Remus' office. He took his usual spot on the couch and grabbed a fidget, trying to get rid of the nervous energy he had.

"Harry? What's wrong?" Remus asked, immediately picking up on Harry's nervousness.

Harry didn't even try to hide how he was feeling. He was trying to regain their trust after all. "I am worried about the psych evaluation," he admitted. "I don't know how it's going to go."

Remus nodded. "I am going to do an evaluation on you, yes, but it's talking just like we always do."

Harry nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay," Remus smiled. "First, tell me about how you're currently feeling and how your week has gone."

So Harry began to talk to Remus and slowly relaxed.

The mood changed, however, when the topic of suicidality came up.

"Have you had thoughts of hurting or killing yourself this past week?" Remus asked.

Harry became quiet.

"Saying yes doesn't automatically mean you can't destroy the Horcrux, Harry. Remember, we're just talking," Remus said.

"Okay then, yes. I want to hurt myself. I haven't though! I promise! It's just a thought that lives in my brain. I can't really explain it much better than that. It's always there."

"I understand. I'm proud of you for fighting that thought. It's not easy when it's a constant presence in your mind."

"Thanks," Harry said.

"What about the other half of the question? Have you had thoughts of killing yourself this week?

Harry shook his head. "No, not really. I mean, I wouldn't mind facing Voldemort right now and if I die, I die, but I haven't had any thoughts of ending my own life, no."

"That's good," Remus praised lightly. "How does that feel?"

"Better than weeks ago, that's for sure."

"I bet," Remus agreed.

"I really want to be able to destroy this Horcrux, Moony Da."

"And what happens after you do?" Remus asked.

"Huh?" Harry asked.

"You've destroyed one before and you were so traumatized by it and refused to speak to any of the mind healers I got for you. It took weeks for you to open up to me about your feelings on it. How are you going to handle destroying another one that will do anything it can to talk you out of it?"

"Well, I know I'm staying with you and Dadfoot for at least a week and I think that'll be good."

"I agree. Tell me why."

"It'll be good because I can and will ask for help if and when I need it. And I'll talk to you about how I'm doing every day. I'll make sure I check in with you. And you already said I'd have therapy every other day. It'll be okay."

Remus nodded. He was quiet for a moment and wrote something down before speaking again.

Remus and Harry talked for another twenty minutes before Remus reviewed his notes and says, "Harry, you'll be pleased to know that I will clear you to destory the Horcrux, but with the conditions we've set. I'm only doing this because you'll be under my supervision the whole time, before, during, and after. Do you understand?"

"I understand," Harry agreed.

"Good."

"Moony Da?" Harry asked.

"Yes?"

"Can I give you a hug?"

Remus smiled. "Always. C'mere, son."

Remus hugged Harry and whispered to him. "You're doing great. You're more than enough. You're my son. I love you."

Harry smiled and hugged Remus tighter.

Merlin, he loved his dad.

The next Friday night, It was finally time. Harry was standing outside the Room of Requirement with Sirius and Remus.

"Ready?" Harry asked.

"We're ready when you are," Sirius replied.

Harry walked in front of the Come and Go room three times before a door appeared. Harry looked at Sirius, who nodded, and then Harry went in.

Harry was surprised when he entered the room to find it rather full with items. He instinctively reached for his pocket, which held a basilisk fang to destroy the diadem.

"There's… a lot here," Harry said as Remus and Sirius locked the door behind them.

"Yes there is," Sirius agreed.

"Let's get started," Remus said.

The boys mostly hunted in silence with the occasional check in from Remus or Sirius.

It took a couple of hours before Harry stumbled upon something he was certain was the diadem.

"Um, guys?" Harry asid.

Remus and Sirius hurried over to Harry.

"I think I found it."

Indeed, there was Rowena's glittering diadem.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Harry?" Remus checked one last time.

"I'm sure. I've done it before and I can do it now."

"Don't listen to anything it says, Harry. We're right here," Sirius said.

Harry took a deep breath. It seemed weirdly anticlimatic to him as he pulled out the basilisk fang, but it didn't last long.

All of a sudden, a Sirius and Remus appear from the diadem.

"You are worthless, Harry. This is too much for you," Apparition-Remus said.

"You're not even our son, you know that? You're a burden to us," Apparition-Sirius added.

Real Remus and Sirius were talking to Harry, pleading with him to destroy it and telling him that the Horcrux was wrong but Harry couldn't hear them. All he could hear were the apparitions.

"You can't do this. You're a disappointment. A mistake. A fraud. A phony," Apparition Sirius said tauntingly.

Harry raised the fang to destroy it when two new apparitions appeared.

"Mum? Dad?" Harry choked out.

"You haven't achieved anything in your life. You're such a disappointment," James said.

"You won't amount to anything. You're not our son," Lily said.

"I'm doing my best," Harry weakly protested.

"It's not enough. It never is," Apparition Remus said.

A very tiny voice in Harry's head remembered Remus from his therapy session.

"You're doing great. You're more than enough. You're my son. I love you."

Harry lifted the fang higher and slammed it into the diadem, causing the apparitions of Remus, Sirius, Lily, and James to disappear.

Harry immediately fell to the ground and passed out, overcome with pain.

When Harry awoke, it was hours later in the hospital wing. His scar was bandaged and Remus was sitting on his left side and Sirius was Padfoot, asleep on the bed.

Harry felt numb. His scar hurt, yes, but the words cut deeper than anything else that had happened that night.

"Harry! You're awake," Remus said happily, yet softly. "How're you feeling?"

Harry shrugged.

"You are so loved, Cubby. Everything you heard was false. You are so loved. You are not a mistake. You are worth so much. We love you so much," Remus said lovingly.

Harry shrugged again.

"None of that was true, Harry. It was the Horcrux trying to save itself. You are a brilliant boy whom we are so lucky to call our son."

"Okay," Harry said lifelessly.

"We'll talk about this later. Right now I'm going to get Madam Pomfrey to get you some dinner. You need some food."

"I'm not hungry," Harry weakly said.

"I know," Remus smiled sadly. "But you need to keep your strength up," Remus said as he left Harry in bed with Padfoot.

Harry tried to move his body, wanting to see if he could escape, but Padfoot woke up.

"Puppy! You're awake!" Sirius said, clearly happy.

"Yeah," Harry said.

"Where's Moony?"

"He went to get some food, but I'm not very hungry," Harry admitted.

Sirius nodded. "Harry, I am telling you this right now: talk out all of your feelings. Holding them in doesn't help. What you went through was horrific. Talk it out."

"I don't want to do anything right now, Dadfoot," Harry admitted.

"I know. It's not easy right now. Nothing seems easy right now. Talk through it and hold onto us, we're here for you," Sirius said warmly.

"I'll try," Harry choked out.

Remus then came back with Madame Pomfrey who was carrying a tray of soup and bread.

"Harry, how're you feeling?" Poppy asked.

Harry shrugged (he was doing a lot of that). "Fine. When can I go home?"

Madame Pomfrey raised an eyebrow. "Not anytime soon with that response."

Harry sighed. "I'm okay, Aunt Poppy. My scar is a little sore, but I feel okay."

Poppy seemed more pleased with that answer, but easily caught the weariness in Harry's tone. "Youll be able to go home soon. I'll see how you eat that dinner," she said, giving him a sympathetic look.

Harry sighed again and reached for the bread to dip into his soup.

"Good job, Harry," Remus praised.

Harry didn't feel like he was doing a good job.

Harry just wanted to disappear.

Poppy allowed Harry to return back to the Marauder Quarters that night with strict instructions to stay in bed for the next day or two and a promise to check up on him in a couple of days.

Harry tried to stay quiet about what happened, but that night, Harry began to cry.
Remus immediately picked up on it, as did Sirius.

"Cub? What's going on?" Remus asked softly, holding Harry's hand.

Harry couldn't hold back any longer. "My parents! I saw my parents! And what they said!"

"They weren't James and Lily, Harry," Remus said with tears in his eyes. "They weren't real. They weren't them. They looked like them, but they were not them. They were cruel and evil and your parents were not."

"It sounded like them," Harry sobbed.

"I know it did. I know," Remus said, tears falling down his own cheeks.

Sirius got on the bed and curled up next to Harry, holding his godson close.

"We're here, Pup. Moony Da and I are here and we're not about to let you go."

"It was terrible!" Harry cried. "It was everything I feared! Everything I worry about!"

"I know, I know," Remus murmured, squeezing Harry's hand.

Sirius and Remus let Harry cry. They comforted him and reassured him, but allowed Harry to express his emotions anyway he wanted to. Eventually, Harry cried himself to sleep.

Remus placed a silencing charm over Harry's head and began to talk to Sirius.

"Sirius, he's hurting so much."

"We've got to do something, Moony," Sirius said, wiping his own tears from his face.

"Right now all we can do is listen to him and reassure him that everything he heard is false. We need to remind him and show him how loved and valuable and irreplaceable he is."

"There's got to be something else we can do," Sirius pleaded.

"Maybe eventually, but for now we need to keep him safe and reassure him anyway we can."

"I feel so helpless," Sirius said.

"I know. It's not an easy situation," Remus validated.

Sirius sighed. None of this is easy.

When Harry awoke, Sirius was Padfoot and sleeping at the bottom of Harry's bed and Remus was awake, reading a book. He set the book aside and gave Harry a smile. "Good morning, Cub. How're you feeling?"

"My scar doesn't hurt so much," Harry replied, leaving out any details about his mental health.

"I'm glad to hear that," Remus replied warmly.

"And how are you doing?"

Harry shrugged. "Not great. I'm sad. I'm haunted by what was said."

"Yeah, none of that was very kind."

Harry shook his head.

"And it was all completely false," Remus reminded Harry.

"I'm trying to believe that, Moony Da, but it feels so true!"

"Dadfoot and I are always here to remind you how much we love you and how worthy and important you are to us and to the world."

"That's part of the problem!" Harry cried.

"I can deal with the mean things said. Sure, it'll take me a few days, but it's what I deal with in my head anyway."

Remus filed that information away for later.

"The issue is my parents. I will never hear them rebuke what was said by the Horcrux. My memories of my parents is my mum screaming when Voldemort was killing her and I have a few hazy memories before that, but they're mostly my mum or dad feeding me. I distinctly remember something about oatmeal. Anyway, there's nothing you can do. I just have to deal with it. I'll never know what thy would say."

"I can tell you that they loved you so much, Harry. They would never say those awful things, ever. You were their pride and joy. They would follow you to the ends of the Earth."

Harry shrugged. "But what they said. It was so real."

"Yes, it looked real, you're right. But it wasn't. It was the Horcrux, Harry. It wasn't your parents."

"I hear you Moony Da, I do. I just don't believe you," Harry replied honestly.

"I'll keep working on it until you do," Remus said earnestly. "You're worth every bit of it."

"I love you Moony Da."

"I love you, Harry."

Remus inwardly sighed. He had to figure something out before the thoughts became too imprinted in Harry's mind. Merlin knows he had enough to worry about besides this.

Moony to the rescue.

Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
16. Puzzles (jigsaw, Sudoku)
17. Have something spicy or sour (like the redhot candy, or warheads)

Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652 OR 116 123
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Mexico: 5255102550
Romania: 0800 801 200