Author's Note: Thanks for being patient with this chapter, friends. Leave a comment and let me know what you think! All my love! Always remember, you are loved.
TW: brief references to torture, blood, references to self harm
Previous Chapter Summary: Remus, Sirius, and Harry have a talk. Severus comes to check on Harry. Harry talks to his friends after what happened a few months ago when he was on the Astronomy tower.
Chapter Summary: Harry has a vision and ends up in the hospital wing. Harry's told about Occlumency lessons and it doesn't go over well. Draco tells a secret.
Harry slept until the next morning when Padfoot was licking his face to wake him up.
Harry groaned and when he realized what was going on he tried to push Padfoot away and said, "Gross! Ugh! Padfoot! Get away!"
Harry eventually pushed himself up to a seated position and Padfoot backed off.
"So gross, Padfoot," Harry said, wiping his face.
Padfoot just happily pranced out of the room.
Harry groaned and rubbed his face to wake himself up. He pulled himself out of bed and threw some robes on before leaving his room and walking to the kitchen.
"Good morning, Cub," Remus said, smiling. "How'd you sleep?"
"Pretty good," Harry said, grabbing a piece of toast from the table.
"You've got a busy day today. Are you up for it?" Remus asked.
Harry restrained from rolling his eyes at his concern. "Yes, Moony Da. I'll be okay."
"You've got Transfiguration first, and I'll see you after Ancient Runes," Sirius said.
Harry downed a goblet of pumpkin juice. "I know. Gotta run. Bye, dads!" Harry exclaimed as he hurried out the door with a piece of sausage in his hand.
Remus and Sirius smiled at each other. It was good to see Harry acting like a teenager, especially after the previous night.
Harry got to Transfiguration on time and had a good class with Minerva. He also enjoyed Ancient Runes and History of Magic. All in all, it was a good day for Harry and he was able to sleep in the dorms.
Harry had a typical few weeks and the weather was beginning to warm up, just a bit. Harry was able to resume Quidditch practices once it became March and worked his team hard, much to the dismay of Ron.
However, nothing stayed normal in the life of Harry Potter.
Harry was sleeping in the dorms one night when he woke up screaming. His scar burned and he brought a hand up to touch it and found out it was bleeding. That didn't even register in his mind as he stumbled out of bed and started to head to the Marauder Quarters.
"Dad!" Harry yelled when he got into the quarters. "Dad!"
Sirius and Remus rushed out of their bedroom. "Harry?"
"Nightmare. Vision. Voldemort!"
Remus saw the blood that covered part of Harry's face and was instantly concerned.
"Harry, take a seat," he said, guiding him to the couch.
Harry resisted the motion, but Remus made sure he sat down. "I've got to get this bleeding under control, Cub. You need to sit," Remus told him firmly.
"Sirius, light a fire and our lanterns and candles. Then, come over here with your wand."
Sirius did as Remus said and brought the first aid kit over as well.
"Thank you," Remus said.
Harry squirmed as Remus examined Harry's scar.
"Moony Da, it was Voldemort!"
"What happened?" Sirius asked, knowing Harry wanted to talk.
"He's angry. A death eater didn't deliver what they promised. Crucio."
Remus was cleaning up the blood along Harry's face with a cloth.
"You haven't had a vision in a while, have you, Pup?" Sirius asked.
"No, I haven't. I occluded tonight, I promise!"
"You're not in trouble, Harry. None of this is your fault," Remus soothed.
Harry squirmed again.
"What would make you feel better, Pup?" Sirius asked, squatting down to look at Harry in the face.
"I don't know! But you both needed to know! Granddad needs to know! S-S-Snape needs to know!"
Harry was shaky with Snape's name, but he still said it.
Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.
"Harry, take some deep breaths," Remus said calmly. "Let's focus on you right now."
"They need to know!" Harry exclaimed.
Remus nodded. "And they will know. Right now, however, we're more focused on you."
Remus switched the gauze that he was holding to Harry's scar.
"Hey, deep breaths," Remus reminded Harry lightly.
Harry huffed but took the deep breaths Remus wanted.
After a few minutes and some hushed mumbling from Sirius and Remus, Remus started to speak to Harry.
"Harry, Love?"
"Yeah?"
"We're out of gauze here and you're still bleeding pretty heavily. We need to go to the hospital wing," Remus said apologetically.
"No! No!" Harry said, standing up and trying to walk away.
"Harry, we've got to stop this bleeding. Aunt Poppy can help. It won't hurt, I promise."
"I don't need to go to the hospital wing! It's fine!"
"Harry, we need to slow the bleeding. We're out of supplies here. We have to go," Remus said.
Harry was regretting this more and more by the second. "No! I don't want to! I want this over with!" Harry's voice broke and tears came to his eyes.
Harry wiped away the falling tears furiously.
"Harry, I know this is a lot right now. We'll bring Albus and Severus to the Hospital Wing. We have to get the bleeding to stop so we can talk to them," Remus explained gently.
Harry didn't move.
"Come on, Love. We'll all go together," Sirius said, holding Harry's hand.
Harry didn't fight the movement and Remus sighed in relief. He put the gauze they had back on Harry's scar and said, "Hold it here."
Harry did as he was told.
They walked in silence to the Hospital Wing and when they got there, Harry sat down on his bed as Remus went to gather some supplies and wake Poppy up.
Poppy woke right up and immediately went to Harry.
"Harry, how're you feeling?" She asked.
"Fine," Harry shrugged.
Poppy tutted, but didn't say anything.
Remus came back with some supplies and Poppy began to clean the wound, much to Harry's chagrin.
"Pup, do you want me to get Granddad and Snape?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah," Harry replied.
"Okay, I'll go get them. I'll be back soon."
Harry watched Sirius walk away and then winced at something Poppy was doing.
"I'm sorry," she replied.
It didn't take long for Remus and Poppy to bandage up the wound but they didn't know how long that would last until they needed to change the bandages again.
Poppy left to get a blood replenisher potion and Remus sat on the edge of Harry's bed.
"We're just going to keep an eye on it right now, okay? You'll be able to leave once we're sure the bleeding has stopped."
Harry nodded.
"We're also going to give you a blood replenisher potion. It's just a small dose, but we're worried about the amount of blood you're losing."
"It's not that much," Harry insisted, despite feeling a bit dizzy.
"It's been bleeding heavily for over fifteen minutes and it's a head wound. A small potion won't hurt."
Harry huffed, but didn't reply.
Poppy came back with the potion and Harry quickly drank it, wanting to be done with this.
"What can I do for you, Harry?" Poppy asked as she took the vial.
"Nothing. I'm fine!"
"It's good you were brought here," she replied sternly. "I'll be over there if you need anything," she said, turning to Remus.
He nodded and thanked her and then turned to Harry. "She's just trying to help, Cub."
Harry didn't reply but fiddled with his hands.
"Hey, everything's going to be okay. We're here for you, alright?" Remus gently reminded Harry, slipping his hand into his.
Harry nodded and looked away, blinking back tears
Harry was very nervous to talk to Snape and Dumbledore but he knew it had to be done.
Sirius came back shortly with the two men. Snape was wearing his traditional black robes and Dumbledore was wearing a flamboyant purple robe and matching nightcap.
"Harry, you had a vision? What happened?" Dumbledore asked.
"Voldemort was mad. Some death eater, I didn't recognize him, didn't do what Voldemort wanted. I don't even know what he wanted. I just know that he used the cruciatus curse on him over and over again. Then he let Nagini attack him. I don't even know if he's still alive."
Remus' heart broke for his son. He shouldn't have to see things like that.
"What happened with your scar?" Albus asked.
"It wouldn't stop bleeding so my dads took me here."
"Can you describe what the death eater looked like?" Snape asked, finally speaking up.
Harry shook his head. "It was too blurry. He was white with brown hair, but that's all I remember."
It was quiet for a moment before Harry looked up at Albus. "What does this mean? I haven't had a vision in a long time."
"I think," Dumbledore began slowly. "This means you will need to pick up Occlumency lessons again."
"But I've been practicing with Dadfoot!" Harry pointed out.
"I know you have. However, that does not seem to be adequate enough anymore. You need to resume your lessons with Professor Snape."
Harry felt time stop. He wasn't expecting that. "What?" Harry whispered.
Albus gave Harry an apologetic look. "Professor Snape is best equipped to help you with Occlumency. You need to once again have lessons with him."
"Albus, I'm not sure that Harry's ready for that," Remus said, putting a protective hand on Harry's shoulder.
"We don't have a choice. He needs to protect his mind and his lessons need to be taken to the next level. Only Severus can do that."
"Look at what happened last time, Albus," Sirius pointed out.
"That was an unfortunate situation. However, I know Severus is in a better spot now and nothing like that will ever happen again, correct?" Albus turned to Severus.
"Correct," Severus replied.
Harry didn't know what to do. He felt stuck.
Luckily, Remus was able to see the state Harry was in.
"We can talk more about this in the morning. Right now Harry needs some time to recover."
Albus looked like he wanted to argue, but Remus' fierce look stopped him.
"Fine. We will talk after breakfast."
Remus nodded and watched them walk away.
"Harry, Love? How are you feeling?" Remus asked.
Harry didn't respond.
"Harry?" Remus tried again, pushing some hair behind Harry's ear.
Harry just shook his head.
"What are you comfortable with right now?" Remus asked softly.
Harry just felt bile run up his throat. He turned his head and threw up to the side of him.
"You're okay; we've got you," Remus soothed, rubbing his back.
When Harry was done throwing up, Sirius vanished it and gave Harry a glass of water.
Harry drank some and handed the glass back to Sirius. He wiped his face and then cleared his throat. "I'm okay."
"Harry, you just threw up in response to what we just heard. I don't consider that 'okay'," Remus said.
"It's fine," Harry said quickly, not even thinking about what he said.
"Pick a different word, you know the rules," Remus said.
Harry huffed and thought for a moment before saying, "Okay, it's a mess. I don't want to talk about it right now."
"That's okay. We can respect that," Remus said.
Harry slid further in bed and pulled the covers up. "Can I just be by myself right now?"
Remus and Sirius exchanged worried looks.
"Harry, we don't want to leave you right now. You just had a vision, your scar is still bleeding, and you just found out disturbing news and threw up. We're worried about you," Remus said.
"You can put whatever charms on me you want. I'm not going to hurt myself. I just want some time alone. Please, even half an hour."
Sirius and Remus communicated with their faces before Sirius nodded slowly. "We can do that. However, we will tell Poppy that we're leaving and she might check on you."
"Okay," Harry said, not caring. He just wanted to be alone.
Remus and Sirius went to talk to Poppy and Harry brought the covers up even higher, trying to hide away from the world.
Harry shut his eyes as Sirius and Remus walked out of the hospital wing.
Harry slowly opened his eyes when he didn't hear the footsteps any longer. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, holding back tears. He had half a mind to leave, but he knew they would find him immediately with the map. Harry closed his eyes again and sighed.
He was thinking about what all of this would mean for him. It felt like 5 minutes had passed when Sirius and Remus came back.
"No way that was half an hour," Harry said.
"Sorry, Cub. It was," Remus said, sitting down near Harry and starting to look at his scar.
"We need to replace the bandages. I'll go get Poppy."
Harry sighed.
"How're you feeling, Pup?" Sirius asked gently.
Harry looked away.
"We're worried about you," Sirius told him.
"You don't have to be."
"We want to help you, Love. Let us in."
Harry didn't have a chance to respond before Remus came back with Poppy.
"We're going to take care of your scar now, okay, Harry?" Remus asked.
"Yeah, sure," Harry replied.
He felt the bandage come off his forehead. He felt them cleaning it and applying more cream before putting on a fresh bandage.
"It's slowed down for sure. You shouldn't have to stay here too much longer," Remus commented.
Harry nodded, acknowledging what he said but not having the energy to speak.
"What do you need, Harry?" Remus asked gently.
Harry pursed his lips together. He felt tears come to his eyes and he tried to blink them away, but they fell down his face instead.
"Oh, Love," Remus breathed, seeing the tears.
"I don't know what I need," Harry said, his voice cracking. "It's a lot right now," Harry admitted.
"It is, you're right," Remus affirmed.
"Can we just ignore it all for a bit? Please? I don't know how to handle it all right now and I'm too tired to talk about it. Please?"
"Of course," Sirius said, squeezing Harry's hand. "Whatever you want."
Harry stayed there with his parents and eventually his eyes started to feel droopy. "Harry, why don't you lay down, hm?" Remus suggested.
"I'm not tired," Harry tried to insist.
"Humor me."
Harry did end up falling back asleep, luckily without any visions this time.
Remus and Sirius were worried. They knew what needed to happen and they had no idea how Harry would take it.
When Harry woke up, it was light outside. He looked to his side and saw Sirius asleep on the bed next to him and Remus reading a book on his other side.
"Moony Da?" Harry said, pushing himself up to a sitting position.
"Hey, Cub," Remus said, smiling. He set his book down and leaned forward. "How are you feeling?"
"Alright. My head hurts some," Harry admitted.
"I'm sure it does," Remus replied sympathetically. "We should be able to leave soon and get you comfortable in your own bed."
"I can't go back to the dorms?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Sorry, Cub. If you want to be released, you have to be released into my care for now. I promise we won't keep you away from your friends for too long."
Harry sighed, but understood. "Can you get Aunt Poppy now? I just want to leave the hospital wing."
"I can do that. Why don't you wake Dadfoot up?"
Harry smiled. "I can do that," he replied, wishing he knew a charm to conjure a bucket of cold water.
Remus left Harry alone with Sirius. Harry leaned over into Sirius' ear and then loudly said, "Wake up!"
Sirius jumped awake and was alert for a moment before glaring at Harry. "Sneaky Pup. If you weren't in the hospital wing I'd prank you right now."
"When has that ever stopped you?" Harry pointed out.
"Well, it hasn't. But they have," SIrius said, gesturing with his head in the direction of Poppy and Remus who were approaching them.
"Harry, it's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"
"Oka, my head hurts a little but it's not too bad," Harry said.
Poppy nodded. She examined Harry's head and did a few spells before saying, "You're welcome to leave as long as you stay with your parents and stay in bed for the next day. I don't want you leaving it. You need to rest. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Aunt Poppy," Harry replied dutifully.
"Good. I'll check on you tomorrow. Take care of yourself, okay?"
Harry nodded. "We'll watch him closely," Remus said.
"You better," Poppy said, shaking her wand at them. She leaned down to kiss Harry's forehead before going to check on another patient.
"Let's go, Love," Remus said, helping Harry out of the bed.
The three of them slowly walked back to the Marauder Quarters. Harry changed into some pajamas and then went into bed.
"I'm all done. You can come back in now," Harry called as he got comfortable in his bed.
Remus and Sirius walked back in Harry's room and sat by his bed.
"I'm alright, really," Harry tried to convince them.
"Harry, we want to talk to you about Occlumency lessons."
Harry felt himself start to shut down. "I don't want to talk about that."
"And we want to honor that, Harry. We also need to talk about it. Would you rather talk about it today or tomorrow?" Remus asked.
"Today," Harry grumbled. He pulled Prongsy near him and pulled on the antlers, like he normally does when he's nervous.
Remus and Sirius know this and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Are you sure? I know it's a lot," Remus said.
"I just want to get it over with," Harry admitted.
"Alright. Now, how are you feeling about resuming Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape?"
Harry shrugged. "Not great, I guess."
"Yeah," Remus nodded, empathy oozing from his voice.
"I mean, I don't trust him. I've been working on forgiving him, but I don't trust him. Are you sure I have to do it?"
"Dadfoot and I talked to Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape more about it earlier. Albus was firm in the fact that you needed to resume lessons, no matter what we said."
"That doesn't mean we're going to let you just go by yourself," Sirius reminded him. "We're here with you and we're not leaving you stayed quiet.
"Harry," Remus began. "Despite Albus saying you should restart Occlumency, we're not going to make you. Your safety and wellbeing is our first priority and if it's going to do more harm than good, we aren't going to force you to do it."
"Really?" Harry whispered.
"Really," Remus confirmed.
Harry was quiet again, thinking, before he said, "No, I think it's important I do this. I don't think I'm ready, but I hate Voldemort having access to my mind even more."
Remus nodded. "That's wise, Harry, and I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision to make."
"No, no it wasn't."
"What can help make this situation better for you? What will help you feel more comfortable?" Sirius asked.
"Having one of you with me would be good. I, uh, am not sure where it's better to have it, here or in the dungeons. Probably here, what do you think?"
"I think having it here is a great idea," Remus affirmed.
"When would I have to have it?"
Sirius and Remus exchanged a look. "Soon. We want your scar to heal some before we do it, but Albus wants it done in the next few days."
"Even on a school night?" Harry asked.
"Don't worry about classes. We'll handle those," Remus quickly reassured his son.
Harry nodded. "I just know it's not going to go well. He's going to see more of my memories. I-I don't trust him."
"You've been working so hard with me, Pup. You might be able to hold him off for a while," Sirius reminded Harry.
"Yeah, maybe," Harry shrugged.
"Would you like us to talk to him before your lesson?" Remus asked.
"No, but thanks. He knows where I stand. I don't need my dads going in and making it more awkward. No offense."
"We get it, we do," Remus smiled.
"Can you guys just decide on a date and tell me. I just want to know when and where it's happening. I don't really have a choice when it happens, so can you find out for me?"
"You can have a say in when it happens, Cub," Remus said.
"Maybe," Harry agrees. "But I care less about when it's happening and more about the fact that it is happening."
Remus and Sirius nodded, understanding.
They talked a bit more about it before Harry said, "Can I have some time to process this all? Please?"
"Of course," Remus said. "We'll be right outside if you need us."
Harry nodded and quietly thanked them and watched them walk out of his bedroom.
He continued to pull on Prongsy's antlers and held the stuffed animal close to his chest. "Prongs, give me some of your bravery, please," Harry whispered, hoping ihs dad could hear him, wherever he was. "Please."
It was decided that Harry would have Occlumency that Tuesday. It gave Harry a couple days to recover and prepare as best he could.
However, that day, Harry was nervous. He didn't sleep well that night so he ended up sleeping past breakfast and most of lunch before he had to head to his Potions class at 1.
Harry walked into the classroom, distracted by what was going to happen that night.
Draco noticed this and took a seat next to Harry.
"Harry, I didn't see you at breakfast or lunch. You good, mate?"
Harry shrugged.
Draco furrowed his eyebrows with worry. "Harry, what's going on?"
Harry sighed. He looked around and saw that Slughorn was walking in.
"Not now. I'll tell you later."
Draco nodded. "You better."
Harry was beyond thankful for the Half Blood Prince's book today. Even with that, Draco stopped him from making several careless mistakes. It was obvious that Harry's mind was elsewhere today.
At 4 o'clock, when class was over, Harry tried to slip away. Draco tried to follow him, but was called back by Slughorn, who was praising the potion Draco made.
Harry smiled to himself as Draco was called away and Harry went to hide in an abandoned classroom.
Once he got there, Harry sat down at an old desk. He pulled out a book he tried to read, but that wasn't working.
All Harry wanted to do was cut himself.
Harry pulled out some fidgets from his backpack He pulled on them and fiddled with them before he gave up. Harry shoved everything back in his backpack and went to head to the kitchens, hoping to find a knife that wasn't hidden from him.
On his way there, he heard someone say, "Finally!"
Harry turned around and saw Draco running toward him. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"
Harry inwardly groaned. He didn't want to be around Draco right now.
"Draco, I'm busy. I'll catch up with you later," Harry said, not bothering to stop walking.
"Doing what?" Draco asked. "You don't have class right now. What are you even doing?"
"Nothing! It's fine! Just drop it!" Harry snapped.
Draco's face hardened. "I'm just worried about you. You don't need to be an arse about it."
Harry kept walking, not bothering to respond to that comment.
Draco watched him walk further away before deciding to follow him from a distance.
Draco watched as Harry headed toward the kitchen, tickled the pear, and entered.
Draco waited a few seconds before doing what Harry did and found himself in the kitchen.
Draco looked around and found Harry rifling through drawers.
Draco immediately knew what was going on.
"Harry Potter, what are you doing?"
Harry froze and saw Draco again. He scowled. "You followed me!?"
"Yes, and I had good reason to. Harry, what are you doing?"
"Just looking for food!"
"You're going through drawers. Harry, come on."
"Why do you even care!? Just leave me alone!"
"I'm not going to do that. Harry, what's going on?"
"Nothing!" Harry said as he went back to searching through the drawers.
Draco huffed and made his way over to Harry. He pinned his arms behind his back.
"Draco, what are you doing? Get off of me!" Harry cried.
"No, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself."
Harry continued to fight against Draco until they knocked over a bowl which clanged on the floor and some house elves came over.
Harry pulled himself from Draco, who was startled by the bowl falling.
Harry quickly exited the kitchen and Draco followed him.
"Harry! Harry!"
Harry ignored the calls
"Harry you can talk to me or I'm going straight for your dad!"
"You wouldn't," Harry growled, turning to look at his friend.
"Watch me," Draco shot back, narrowing his eyes.
Harry huffed. He looked around and pulled Draco into a classroom.
"What do you want?"
"I want to talk to you!" What is going on?"
"It's fine Draco, leave it be."
"You keep saying that, but it's clearly not fine. What's going on? Talk to me, please."
Harry walked to a wall and sat down, exhausted from fighting with Draco. "I have to start Occlumency lessons with Snape again tonight. I had a vision the other night. I'm worried about it."
"What about fidgets?"
"Don't you think I bloody tried that?" Harry snapped.
Luckily, Draco didn't take it personally. "Whay aren't you talking to either of your dads?"
"I don't want to bother them. Plus, I want to handle this by myself. I know what I want, Draco."
"And this isn't going to help," Draco reminded him.
"Yes it will!" Harry shouted. "It will!"
"Harry, it doesn't make you feel better in the long run. I know this about you. It's not worth it."
Harry groaned and a few frustrated tears pooled up in his eyes. "You don't get it!"
"Then explain it to me," Draco said, sitting down next to Harry.
Harry opened his mouth to explain, but nothing came out. He groaned and put his head in his hands.
"Harry, just talk to me," Draco said softly.
"I need to cut," Harry managed to say. "I need the distraction, the control, the pain, the marks, the blood. I need it all. I can't explain it. I feel it in my bones. I need it."
"You're not alone. I'm here with you. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself."
Harry groaned and a few tears fell. "You've got to let me!"
"No, Harry. Are you sure you don't want your dad?"
"Yes! I'm sure! See, I knew it'd bother you!"
"No, that's not what I meant. I'm comfortable being here with you. I'm just worried and know your dad helps. But if you don't want them, I'll respect that."
"Thank you," Harry muttered.
It was quiet for a few minutes until Draco noticed Harry zoned out and scratching at his arm.
"Harry, no," Draco said, removing Harry's hand.
Harry whined.
"This isn't working. Come on, let's go back to the kitchen."
"Why?" Harry asked, getting up.
"You'll see. C'mon."
Draco led Harry back to the kitchens and immediately went to the magical freezer where he pulled out ice and placed it on Harry's wrist.
"Draco, what-" Harry began, but stopped when the ice was on his wrist. "How do you know about this?"
"I've done my research. I care about you," Draco said, keeping his eyes down.
Harry shook his head. He didn't understand it. Why would anyone care about him?
Eventually, the ice started to melt and Draco threw it in the sink.
"Feeling any better?" Draco asked.
"I'd feel better if you'd let me find a knife," Harry replied bluntly.
"I'm not letting you do that. Did the ice help at all?"
"Some, but not as much as it has before."
Draco thought for a minute before saying, "That's okay. Come on, we're going to go somewhere else."
Harry didn't have a chance to reply before Draco grabbed his arm and dragged him down the corridors. They made their way to the Quidditch pitch, where some school brooms were left out.
"Race me."
"Draco," Harry started.
"I'm serious. Let's race."
"On school brooms? Are you serious?"
"No, I'm Draco."
Harry rolled his eyes and shoved his friend. "I hear that enough at home you prat. Fine, we'll race. If I win, I get to cut myself."
"No," Draco said. "Pick something else."
Harry knew it was too good to be true. He wanted to push it, but didn't want his dads involved so he said, "If I win, you have to tell me a secret. A good one."
Draco studied him. "Fair. And if I win, you have to keep doing coping mechanisms with me and talk to your dads about this later."
"Fine," Harry said, accepting that he would probably have to tell Remus about this anyway at some point.
"Let's go," Draco challenged.
Both boys mounted a broom and went up in the air.
"From here to the other end. Ready?" Draco asked.
"Yeah."
"3, 2, 1, go!"
Harry and Draco sped off. Neither were as fast as they would be on their own brooms, but they were pretty evenly matched.
Draco got the lead and kept it until Harry beat him right at the end. Harry beamed with his victory and flew down to the ground, Draco following him.
"You won, fair and square," Draco said, getting off the broom. "Are you sure you want a secret of mine?"
"You're not letting me go back to the kitchens, are you?"
"Not a chance in hell."
Harry sighed. "Then secret it is. If I have to be bloody vulnerable then you do, too."
"Fair enough," Draco said. He started to walk and Harry followed him.
"This is something that most people don't know. Uncle Sev and Blaise know and actually Professor Lupin does, too, but no one else."
"Okay," Harry said, nodding. He was surprised to hear that his dad knew, but he was glad that he felt comfortable enough with him to share his secrets.
"Just don't tell anyone, okay?"
"Of course not. I won't tell anyone."
Draco took a deep breath. "I'm not straight. I like boys."
Harry didn't know what he was expecting, but he wasn't expecting that. "You're gay?"
Draco nodded. "Yeah. I tried for the longest time not to be and I hoped I could change myself, but I've come to accept it as who I am. It hasn't been easy, but it's who I am."
"When did you figure it out?"
"Well I knew I was different when I was younger. I fully accepted it last year. I've talked to Professor Lupin about it a lot. He's been helpful. Blaise and I, well, we've kissed before but we're better as friends. Uncle Sev found out because he's bloody observant." Draco scowled.
Harry cracked a smile. "Parents are the worst."
"Yeah, they are," Draco replied.
It was quiet for a moment before Harry said, "I'm really honored that you told me. You're my friend and I don't think any different of you. It's good to know and I'm proud of you for being who you are. I'm sure it's not easy, especially with the way you were raised."
"Not easy at all. But I am glad that I'm being honest with myself about who I am."
"I am, too. I'm really proud of you. Thanks for telling me."
"Of course. As I said, I care about you. Besides, you made a good point about being vulnerable. I know you're being super vulnerable right now and you deserve a friend who can be vulnerable back. I know it's scary."
"Yeah, it is. And exhausting," Harry said.
It was quiet for a moment as they continued to walk.
"Harry?" Draco asked.
"Hmm?"
"Are you feeling better?"
"Some. I still want to do it, but not as bad as before."
"Good. I'm glad. It's about dinner time now. Do you want to head to the Great Hall?"
"Do we have to?" Harry asked.
"We don't have to stay long but I think your parents want to see you at a meal today."
Harry sighed. "Fair enough. C'mon."
The boys walked to the Great Hall in a comfortable silence.
Once they got to the Great Hall, Draco said, "I'll get you in like 15 minutes, I promise. You can't leave without me. Got it?"
Harry nodded, understanding.
"Good. Be safe, okay?"
Harry nodded again.
Draco gave Harry a quick hug before walking in the Great Hall and heading to the Slytherin table.
Harry had half a mind to book it out of there and head to the kitchen again, but he couldn't do that to Draco. He was so honored that Draco shared with him and didn't want him to think he didn't care.
Harry took a deep breath and entered the Great Hall, knowing his parents' and Draco's eyes would be glued to him.
Vulnerability, man.
Here goes nothing.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
16. Puzzles (jigsaw, Sudoku)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652 OR 116 123
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555
Mexico: 5255102550
Romania: 0800 801 200